Self Forgiveness on Self Forgiveness

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jonathan solorio
Posts: 41
Joined: 10 Apr 2016, 19:33

Self Forgiveness on Self Forgiveness

Postby jonathan solorio » 04 Dec 2016, 00:42

What are the main points that come up within me that I don't want to apply self forgiveness?

I have a feeling like there is a list of complaints in me and so much to learn about self forgiveness that I don't even want to begin.
I feel a resistance to starting on forgiving my self, before I even begin doing self forgiveness, just facing my self in a moment as I am about to apply it.
I hesitate and don't really know what i'm doing. It is like staring at the air and somehow words come out, but the self forgiveness I speak is not something I thought about.. the words are just coming out.. and what comes out of me when I forgive my self is almost like points that never show up when i'm just speaking about something.

What comes up within me as a definition for self forgiveness regardless of what i've read, what I know is programming, what I have seen is different, and what I believe it should be?

Self forgiveness is when I feel bad and want to let it go. Self forgiveness is not something I put a word to before Desteni but i've had experiences of this "letting go". Self forgiveness is something I have to watch out within because it's not going to do the job and I often feel I am letting my self go of responsibilities and forgetting about the important points I had within whatever I was holding onto. When I forgive my self I am often caught up in the feeling of forgiving my self and I feel like i'm going "blank"... leaving me with this sense of like "well what the fuck am I supposed to do now?" or i've lost track within going into my self without any clue and coming out without a clue as well. Self forgiveness I see as useful and necessary but it is not in good shape within what I can see because applying it without a lot of understanding seems to just produce more of a mess.. like i'm opening up and digging into stuff without sorting it out as effectively as possible. Self forgiveness is not a word I should apply with expectations of success or anything because it's just going to take time before I really effectively apply it. I feel resent or bitter when looking at the long road ahead of self forgiveness because it is not going to be pretty. I am pretty indignant about the situation of having to apply self forgiveness within the context i'm understanding it and to also be seeing that it is not really something I can leave behind. I don't care to understand self forgiveness from a different perspective than my grievances at the moment because this is the nastier side of my honesty where my resistance hides. I want there to be another way besides self forgiveness but I know that what self forgiveness is, is unique and I cannot find a "replacement" for what exactly this is that I am giving my self so much shit within to deal with.

SELF FORGIVENESS:
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to look for a replacement for self forgiveness when I know there is nothing else like self forgiveness for me to apply and achieve the same or similar results.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my self to want and desire for a different way through my self and my existence than what is clear and obvious, because I have the tools and the perspectives and the answers and the support... I cannot deny this, deny my self, and deny life or self forgiveness. If I were to do that, do I know what the consequences are? Why do I want to deny my self forgiveness? Why do I want to reject self forgiveness?

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to reject and deny self forgiveness within my self, feeling bitter resentment and angry indignation towards this word as my self for what I understand about it, for what I can see about, and for what I have done to my self within it. The self forgiveness, this word, this tool, is innocent.. And what I am facing as it is my self.. what comes up within me in relationship to self forgiveness IS ME.. I am reflecting on self forgiveness and seeing how I have separated my self from it, given up my power within it, and how I have placed blame and guilt and fear and all sorts of experiences onto this word as if it is this word that is responsible for my experience of my self within applying self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to use self forgiveness to valid, create, and project blame.. fear... guilt... shame... resentment.. onto my self or another,,, to use it as a weapon within applying it as a statement about my self or another being the problem in life when self forgiveness is not about finding a person or thing to place these emotions, these charges, and these experiences onto.. self forgiveness is about releasing self as all from these experiences to have a chance, an opportunity to correct self and change self instead of damning self forever.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to hold onto all of my definitions as past experiences and preconceived ideas about self forgiveness - leading me to not apply my self - preventing me from living self expression within self forgiveness and giving my self back to my self, releasing my self to be here again.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define self forgiveness within emotions and feelings, judgments, and polarized belief systems.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to grieve my self forgiveness, to cause my self grief within self forgiveness and to also want to say that it is self forgiveness that is causing me grief - NOT ME! As apparently I think this word is responsible for who I am within applying it as my self.. this word, these words are me.. they are mine.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to hide in the darkness within applying self forgiveness, to keep my self in the dark about my self within self forgiveness.. and to create dark feelings and beliefs about my self within self forgiveness... like the grief, the resentment, the bitterness, the indignation I feel towards self forgiveness and applying it.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel that I have to apply self forgiveness and that I also don't want to, so I feel like a brat.. I feel stubborn.. I am resisting applying self forgiveness for real..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to hide my true feelings and emotions.. my true thoughts from my self within and as self forgiveness, I cannot hide and this will not continue forever.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to present my self within self forgiveness as effective, noble, or within a higher ground of some principle or understanding instead of presenting and applying my self to my self within self forgiveness in my self HONESTY HONESTLY... no pretense or bullshit...

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self for feeling resent or bitter or anger when looking at the long road ahead within self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to expect success when applying self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not see that applying my self effectively within self forgiveness will take time.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to apply self forgiveness as opening up a mess that I have no intentions of sorting out, and that when and as I apply self forgiveness.. I produce more of a mess because i'm not entirely sure what i'm doing. Can I make a mess within applying self forgiveness? Is this even possible? What am I thinking?

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe I can make a mess out of my self within applying self forgiveness when I know I am in the practice and learning of how to forgive my self, am I thinking I should just NOT apply my self within self forgiveness? I mean, I know what I mean from a certain perspective.. I think I should be applying self forgiveness sparingly and according to a firm understanding of what i'm doing, why, and keep it short and simple.. and yet I keep applying self forgiveness in great length when I am forgiving my self.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to leave my self forgiveness in "bad shape", when I can see my self forgiveness is not in "good shape"... so I should "shape it up" and get my self into applying self forgiveness "in shape"... by learning about it and writing more about it.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to see self forgiveness as tainted, and when I do see it as tainted.. to not do something about the self forgiveness being impure... leaving it with something missing.. wondering what it is.. and why the self forgiveness isn't working or is ineffective.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel caught up in my self forgiveness, feeling the self forgiveness, and not being here -being here within and as the self forgiveness... just as I am here in this moment..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to get lost within my self as "going blank" and then feeling clueless like "where the fuck am I?" or "what the fuck do i do now?" - I see this "going blank" could be something else than me forgetting... and that my cluelessness may be something else as well...

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel as if i'm going blank and that my self forgiveness is "wiping me out" and "making me forget what to do and where I am".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define self forgiveness as "going blank" and "forgetting" or "becoming clueless" about "what to do" and "where I am".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define self forgiveness within these experiences of not knowing what the fuck is going on within me and why i'm feeling lost.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define self forgiveness as feeling lost, as something I do when i'm lost.. and that it is something I do when i'm lost..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to apply self forgiveness as "clueless" and "off track", and something that I need to do to "get a clue" and "get back on track"...''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

This self forgiveness is causing me to lose vision as I write it and breathe, or it isn't this self forgiveness isn't necessarily responsible but WHEN I APPLIED THIS WRITING OF SELF FORGIVENESS... I began to lose my vision with breath and also shifting inside of me.. my chest, heart... stomache.. eyes.. head.. feel different..
I had an experience within where I realized my words create what I see? Writing these words.. I as my words... changed something within me and I was able to give my self sight as the word? It was just a voice within me, a thought.. it was "me".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to apply self forgiveness as a "forgetting of what's important".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to apply self forgiveness as a way to release my self of responsibilities.. to stop being the one that has to do the work..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe self forgiveness will "do the job" for me...

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe that when I apply self forgiveness, I do not have to do any work... I don't have to remember anything.. I can just forget about what I was doing.. and what this was about... and not worry about it anymore.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to use self forgiveness as a way of not being accountable or responsible for anything in life and getting away free without changing or moving into action.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe self forgiveness is something I do when I feel bad and want to let it go.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe self forgiveness is about feeling better, letting go of all that I see as wrong or painful or evil... and not doing anything about it except turn the other cheek and let my self walk away to repeat some bullshit again.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not define self forgiveness for my self and accept whatever I have found here or elsewhere... even though Desteni has been a gift to me in terms of discovering all of this... I have to define all of this for my self and see what is within me as a definition that could possibly use some work.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to hold onto what I think and believe about self forgiveness as if it was or is real... because I can see how little I know and what is yet to be discovered.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to hesitate when I go to forgive my self because of my list of complaints about self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to resist forgiving my self as I am about to apply self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not address my "list of complaints" that I feel I have about self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to hesitate to forgive my self because I don't know what i'm doing yet.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to resist self forgiveness because of how much I have to learn and how much I can see is going to come up within me for to learn about.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to validate, believe, and justify my self within this "list of complaints" and "hesitation" about "not knowing what i'm doing" to not apply my self within self forgiveness and find out - that's all I have to do.. apply my self and find out.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to hold my self back within applying self forgiveness because "I don't know what i'm doing" and I am complaining about that.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to complain about self forgiveness and I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to give in to the complaining of my mind when and as I go to apply my self within self forgiveness..

When and as I see my self resisting applying my self within self forgiveness as hesitation and "a list of complaints" because I don't know what i'm doing.... I stop and I breathe. I apply my self within self forgiveness anyways, as I am here and I can forgive my self for whatever complaints come up within me... and whatever hesitation comes up within me.. and at the same time move through all of it in one moment by applying my self on all those points as they arise and thus also fulfill my self within discovering what my honesty is or was within the grievances I have towards self forgiveness.

I commit my self to apply self forgiveness on and within self forgiveness, to stack my self forgiveness within an exploration of my definitions of self forgiveness as my reactions.. my programming.. my preconceived shit... and come into a more authentic, genuine expression of self forgiveness where I have gone through whatever ignorance I had towards self forgiveness.

I commit my self to write out what comes up within me towards self forgiveness so that I can see what I have going on within me as self forgiveness that I can apply my self within to help me develop a better self-understood relationship with self forgiveness.. and give me a "working leg" in process instead of having this gimp created by not investigating that point.

I commit my self to being as plain and simple.. as honest and forthcoming.. as straightforward and direct about who I am and what I experience within this process and all the tools, principles, vocabulary, etc... to not feign something more that isn't true of me.. to walk with no pretense and show my self as I am... to help my self understand my self and to walk cooperatively within Desteni despite what reactions from my programming that come up..

I am here.



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jonathan solorio
Posts: 41
Joined: 10 Apr 2016, 19:33

Day 1

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:27

Logging my 21 days of Self Forgiveness here from the Daily Self Forgiveness group:

I commit my self to 21 days of self forgiveness here on the point of self forgiveness with at least 1 commitment statement as to how I will align my self within self forgiveness practically through daily living. Then I will walk another 21 days of self forgiveness on whatever I see as supportive to me in that day. I most likely will not do this in one go but I feel I will walk 21 days eventually with or without counting...

Day 1

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to resist the beginning of self forgiveness and opening up to my self in forgiveness as I have been imprinted on to see this word as making all sorts of implications about whoever applies it as being "bad", "a sinner", "someone who is lost", "religious", "emotional", and "weak".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not see, to completely ignore what I have done to my self by accepting and allowing what we have all accepted and allowed within this word "forgiveness", "self forgiveness"... because we as "forgiveness" exist as all that we have accepted and allowed in this word/name... so our "forgiveness" is completely fucked to the point we are not willing to actually forgive ourselves as this word has become a word that relinquishes/abdicates responsibility to ourselves... this word in the current definition, unpurified, is quite a mess to sort out.. because how we all apply "forgiveness" in this world is equal to this world - meaning that it makes no difference to the way things are as it is.. it only accepts and allows abuse as all who seek forgiveness from others and seek to give it to others are dis-empowered and irresponsible.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to give my self as forgiveness away to others as an abdication of my authority, responsibility, and power.. where forgiveness is an exchange and of separation and not an expression of self gifting self anew.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be frustrated at the complete mess I see within my self as I look at and apply self forgiveness - because the result of the application is equal to me as the definition of this word, the one applying it.. the one authoring the definition and authorizing it to be used this way in my existence...

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel disgusted when applying self forgiveness as I see how long and how much I have to walk before some solid state of clarity on the matters for which I forgive my self is present in my application - I don't know when my self forgiveness will be as effective as I would like it to be and I want the answer to be "now" .. lol

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge for my self for the state of my self forgiveness where I do not really want to apply it that much outside of itself as the context or definitions in which I have come to know it by, as every single definition that I have of it either doesn't sit right with me because it is clearly bullshit or I have not fully grasped the effective living definitions of it within my own life so within that i'm sure i'm going to probably end up applying one of the bullshit definitions of it as my mind automatically activates the fucked definitions once the word is voiced or written.. and I just don't want to deal with that.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to resist the great deal of work ahead of me in sorting out what means what when I apply my self and what self forgiveness triggers within me that I have to sort out for me to stand confidently within and as self forgiveness as my self honest self expression.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not see how obvious the experience of "hitting a wall" within my self forgiveness is as that wall is an experience of my limitation within self-definition as self-forgiveness.. it is like walking around in the dark and i'm having to slowly discover all that i've set up around me and piecing together what my self created environment is as I learn to see my way around this place again.. or maybe even for the first time..

When and as I apply my self forgiveness and see all that comes up within me.. I stop and I breathe.. I give my self the time to investigate my self in application by moving on from whatever point I was applying my self to in that moment... to applying my self directly to my application, because without my application being self-understood and self-corrected.. i'm going to keep having this issue where what i'm doing doesn't quite make sense to me and i'm not satisfied and strong within my grip/grasp of this.

I commit my self to apply my self despite what I face within me as all sorts of ridicule, complaints, judgment, perceptual failure, reactions, preprogramming, and really just anything... because it is moving through all of this in persistence of my self that I will have this as my life, that I will live this into reality, that I will bring it into my being.. and I will have all the answers, eventually, to whatever it is within me that supposedly makes self-forgiveness impossible.. self forgiveness is not impossible, irrelevant, ineffective, or optional...

I commit my self to stand by the certainty and insight within me as I see through the veils, as I see my self through my bullshit, bringing my self through despite the bullshit I have accepted and allowed to be here.. this just takes time and I can certainly do this.. so let's do it now, no more time, it will be done one way or another...
Last edited by jonathan solorio on 18 Jan 2017, 04:31, edited 1 time in total.



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jonathan solorio
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Joined: 10 Apr 2016, 19:33

Day 2

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:28

Day 2:
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be strict with my self forgiveness as I open up and explore my self within self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to intend to let go, open up, and free my self within self forgiveness and then end up constricting my self as I squeeze on tighter and tighter to the point I am forgiving my self for.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be upset with my commitment to forgive my self for self forgiveness because I don't want to go into all the ways I see my self within self forgiveness and I already feel like this is creating a problem because I am actively bringing up points within self forgiveness that I react to, that I compromise my self within, that I have feelings and emotions within, that I have resistances to..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to complain within my self about self forgiveness and my commitment to applying it but not want to speak up or write about it or forgive my self for it because it is so much easier to not address these points.. it is even easier to continue applying self forgiveness despite my inner whining and complaining than it is to work and push through these points out in the open.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge my commitment to forgiving my self for self forgiveness as stupid.. thinking that this is unnecessary.. that someone else here may see what i'm doing and notice a point within my self forgiveness that resolves and absolves the point of my commitment to forgiving my self for self forgiveness.. so then I prematurely accept that my self forgiveness for self forgiveness is invalid just based on this possibility that someone else sees what i'm doing as "pointless".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe I need a point to forgive my self for when self forgiveness can be simply my expression of my self here in a moment and I may not see a point.. Do I have to "know" why I am doing this? How many things in my life do I really "know" why I am doing it?

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to fear not knowing what to forgive my self for next as I forgive my self here in the moment.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel uncertain when I forgive my self, like an almost incapacitating doubt surrounding the statement of my self forgiveness.. where I contemplate backspacing my sentences or hesitate to continue voicing my self forgiveness.. maybe even going to a "dead stop" because I just sort of "give up".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to give up on my self in self forgiveness when I know what I have applied is found wanting/lacking something... because then I am found wanting/lacking something as I did not give, forgive my self what it is I want/lack and gave up before I was satisfied - which is to make-enough.. satis-facere, latin for make-enough.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to go without and not make enough for my self to walk away from feeling full, filled.. feeling fulfilled.. because I can do that, so why do I not? What excuse or justification will I have that can make this okay? Nothing.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to excuse my lack, my want, and some apparent "inability" to give my self as I would like to receive... when I have what is here within me... and all is here within me already. Ignorance is not an excuse. Time is not a problem.
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel like my self forgiveness is "too much" and also "not enough" as I can write and speak endlessly, yet still there's a sort of "void" that's "endlessly empty" no matter how much comes out.

When and as I apply self forgiveness and I see all of THIS ^ going on that I wrote above, I STOP and I BREATHE. I don't know what to do with all of this at the moment, and in these moments of application I don't really know what to do either, so I will be just be honest with my self. I commit my self to keeping it simple, grounding my self in the plainness of what I plainly see for my self, being straightforward and steady in my application.. when I know what to do with any and all of it, I commit my self to apply what I know immediately so as to not postpone my self created dilemma any longer than necessary.

I commit my self to breathing through my experiences that can seem overwhelming, to point out the reality of my physical body and using simple words, one at a time, to remind my self of my support within living words and also to pin a practical focus for my self so that I am wholesome in that "oneness" of my self as that word.

I commit my self to stop participation in my mind when and if I can as I apply self forgiveness, to calm my self and live silence within my self leading into self forgiveness and during my application of self forgiveness so that I am not applying my self forgiveness in a susceptible frame where reactions compromise my application of my self.

I commit my self to renew my commitment to self forgiveness when and as I see an experience of compromise within me, and to notice the less obvious compromises I make within my self such as "I don't want to do this or I don't like what I see within me when I apply this but i'll do it anyway" - because doing this when I am not in agreement with my self and have "something off" within me while applying self forgiveness.. is compromise.. because I am compromising with some bullshit inside me to keep applying my self and not actually coming to an agreement with my self about the application.
Last edited by jonathan solorio on 18 Jan 2017, 04:31, edited 1 time in total.



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jonathan solorio
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Day 3

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:29

Day 3
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to apply self forgiveness without committing my self to self forgiveness in self honesty, as this is core-related to the best, most effective living possible that I can see..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to 'turn a blind eye' and 'turn the other cheek' in self forgiveness by accepting and allowing my self to define and live self forgiveness as a stance of ignorance to excuse and justify what exists within me and others.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to overlook how the resistance to self forgiveness indicates that it is a point which I will have to PUSH through and how that resistance is also a confirmation of the STRENGTH and RESOLVE which is accumulated/built through pushing my self to forgive.. The perceived 'weakness' in self forgiveness is the 'lack' of application indicating points of attention I can forGIVE my self what it is that is left 'wanting'/'lacking' within me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to see forgiveness outside of my self which shows I must bring it here within me before it can be a SELF application..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe forgiveness is something given away from self to another, so then here the real application of forgiveness to my self is missed as the only application that is considered is the one outside of my self - where it becomes a point that can be abused and disempowers me as the gift I am giving I am not familiar with in my own living because I never gave it to me in the first place.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to apply self forgiveness in some form of separation or another, needing someone to play a merciful God for me, having characters outside of me validate this role of needing/wanting forgiveness because it is apparently not within me and I don't have it so I have to find out where in this existence can I get it... Seeking some one to save me from my self.. I am here.. I can save me..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to have completely abdicated my ability to respond to my self with forgiveness and live forgiveness in how I relate to my self.. In how I develop my relationship to my existence.. because to be forgiving in my relationship to my self, oh man.. Who will I need to correct me? Who will I need to save me from my self? Who will I have to latch onto again when I can help my self through any of the nastiness I put my self through, which has always been far worse than what someone else has done to me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be so rigid, stiff, unmoving, and inflexible within my relationship to forgiveness where I have not ever been willing to explore everything that exists within my definition of my self as forgiveness, as self forgiveness, as the gifts and revelations in APPLYING IT TO MY SELF/LIFE/EXISTENCE.
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to fear the appearance of self forgiveness in application, to stop in the face of everything I have accepted and allowed within this word, because in moving through this there really is so much more beyond the great resistances, massive complaints, seething hate and anger, disgust, and tangible guilt or shame which all 'smell' bad to the mind and are easy to walk away from.

When and as I begin to apply self forgiveness, I STOP and I BREATHE. I realize my nature's/natural commitment to self within/as FORGIVENESS and that my APPLICATION of 'self knowledge' which is these definitions I have accepted and allowed to accumulate within me as FORGIVENESS is MY STARTING POINT WHICH DETERMINES MY EFFECTIVENESS IN EVERYTHING.. so here is where I decide to be honest with my self.. and change my self, slowly but surely, as this starting point by continuing to apply my self to my self as forgiveness.. Seeing what remains and what has to go as these definitions are me.. they are words that I have accepted and allowed my self to define 'me' as the word 'forgiveness'/'self forgiveness'..

I commit my self to remaining here in simplicity as the word.. this word 'self forgiveness'.. when and as I apply self forgiveness.. because what's here within me as this word in all honesty is who I am and that's what I'm working with, that's what I'm sorting out, and there's a lot of honest work ahead to do.. so one step at a time and it will be done.

I commit my self to opening up to the clarity within me and to plain and simply drop all the pretense I've carried about words in general and specifically this word 'self forgiveness'... so that I may visit and revisit this word as often as I see is supportive and best for me without adhering to my bullshit brainwashed definitions of my self every time I even so much as have an inkling to forgive my self... Practically speaking how will I do this for my self? I'm going to 'forget' what I know or think I know and just stop the thoughts about self forgiveness coming up unless I deliberately bring them up as I do in my writing.
Last edited by jonathan solorio on 18 Jan 2017, 04:30, edited 1 time in total.



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jonathan solorio
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Day 4

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:30

Day 4
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to stress my self out in my commitment to self forgiveness when I am looking at the time in the day and not sure how much more time will pass before I sit down to do it.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my feel that statements of self forgiveness are laborious, time consuming, and something that is applied "against my will".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel CONVINCED/CONVICTION to apply self forgiveness as statements where this comes as a form of like fear of punishment or it is a punishment in itself... like "write THIS sentence x amount of times for your sin/badness" and/or "say 10 hail marys to be forgiven" type of shit...

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel GUILTY and FULL OF CONVICTION that I need to spout off a form of "prayer" to free my self of the damnation within me.. so my self forgiveness is not me being honest with me and seeing the need/life-support of self forgiveness but instead just doing it out of a fear of consequence.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to apply self forgiveness within a fear of consequences as "punishment", where I am looking to avoid the result of something I have done or the effects of what I am experiencing as a result of the past...

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be looking for an "easy way out" within forgiving my self, as there is no "easy way out", not even with self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to fear living without "forgiveness" as a form of ignorance and "freedom" to neglect responsibility and changing my self within/as forgiveness to a living of all-seeing, undeniable, inescapable accountability and responsibility to my self/life.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to fear who I will be when I live and apply my self within/as forgiveness in this way as I cannot imagine never again forgetting as I have forgiven my self in all ways.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to expect my self forgiveness to feel nice, good, and be something beautiful or sound beautiful... as the idea of forgiveness or self forgiveness is great and all, but what is here that I can forgive my self for takes some digging through dirt and my guts, muscles, everything responds to self forgiveness sort of like proper exercise/working out where things strain, release, relax, and can feel good after-words but in the moment I feel my weaknesses and soreness coming in to the application/exercise/work.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe that forgiving my self takes no work because I have thought of it like being "let off the hook" or "sent home from work" or "something I do in my free time for "pleasure""... or that what follows my self forgiveness is a "break" from "the work" because I was applying it to give my self a "break" from what goes on inside me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to have created "forgiveness" as a way to "make exceptions" to what goes on within me... to have defined what forgiveness is and what forgiveness does as "giving way" or "giving passage" to the fuckedness/fucked up shit inside self/anyone and to secretly know that's exactly what I have been accepting and allowing "forgiveness" to be yet never ever change or even attempt to change this critical point within my self so that the excuses and justifications end with my self as forgiveness.. so that correction and commitment to change are the defining stance taken within forgiveness as my self.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to cross the line in being "understanding" or "aware" of my self into creation of justifications and excuses when I am being "forgiving" of my self.

Forgiveness, self-forgiveness, is no excuse or justification. It is the end of the line, correction and commitment is required. No excuse or justification may cross without consequence.

I commit my self to remove excuses and justifications from my self forgiveness application by identifying precisely what I have already accepted and allowed within forgiveness as my self as a definition that makes exceptions, excuses, and justifications for my self to abuse my self and other life... to be able to stop any and all excuses and justifications which make change damn near impossible because the sneaky ways in which I have, we all have, used opportunities to escape responsibility.

I commit my self to realize that there is no escaping my self, my responsibility, forgiveness is no easy way out, and that all apparent ways in which I do not have to face reality directly are just skirting around the issue..

I commit my self to apply self forgiveness in support of me applying my self everywhere, responsibly, effectively, honestly.. so this means that my self forgiveness will be taken into consideration as one with the whole, and equal to the physical living acts that show and confirm that I have heard my self as I am here living the proof of my word.



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jonathan solorio
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Day 5

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:32

Day 5
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not explore self forgiveness beyond my own statements of self forgiveness, where I am only expanding my self within the limited idea of self forgiveness being about "MY" self and not self in all.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to see "my self" as not needing forgiveness, not requiring forgiveness, because MY self is not that bad.. MY self has "done nothing wrong" and I will not "fault" my self for anything unless it makes me right.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe that I am "alright"/"all-right", that my self is different in that "I was right in everything I did and said and my intentions were always pure" ... so "I don't need to forgive my self" because I can always find SOMETHING I DID THAT WAS RIGHT.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to only see others as needing forgiveness, that so many people are fucked up and need something like forgiveness, but not me... I am not fucked up or in need.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to see forgiveness outside of me and impossible of it happening for anyone because even if they need to be forgiven... these/most people don't deserve it.. therefore thinking I don't deserve it even if I did need it.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to exclude my self or others from forgiveness as my self and to apply my self within self forgiveness in an extremely limited definition based in passing through it like I was visiting a museum that had a section on something irrelevant to current day life as some "out-dated technology" and/or "superstition".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define self forgiveness within the context I have discovered it and not the potential, journey, unfolding, adventure, exploration, and future of my self within it.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not consider all that self forgiveness IS and not just WAS and also what it CAN and WILL be..
When and as I see my self forgiveness as being limited, that I am not exploring it in other words as what other people apply and share, I stop and I breathe.

I commit my self to look through my self to other selfs and how they embody, apply, and live forgiveness in their thought, word, and deed to assist and support my self with expanding who I am within self forgiveness.. to step beyond my limited self definition as forgiveness being all about my saving of MY self.. saving MY ass.. and continually applying my self within "me, me, me, me" when this is all "me" and I can expand my self by taking note of others and finding ways to apply their words/self-definition to "my self" and see what happens.

I commit my self to set my ego aside as my preferences for what, why, and where forgiveness is applied and to put my self in another person's shoes within their application of self forgiveness and really consider their process and what's within them as a gift of understanding my self more within self forgiveness.

I commit my self to apply "my self" in self forgiveness as ALL, in consideration of everyone and everything, all is included, so that I learn and develop within a relationship of forgiveness to all as all... who/how am I as them if and when I apply self forgiveness? How can I apply them in my life?



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jonathan solorio
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Day 6

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:33

Day 6

Using Wikipedia references to do my self forgiveness on (self) forgiveness.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forgiveness

"Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well. Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), forgetting (removing awareness of the offense from consciousness), pardoning (granted for an acknowledged offense by a representative of society, such as a judge), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship)."

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to use forgiveness in separation of my self and to repair/restore relationships. Forgiveness is not about relationships, it is not about others.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to pardon/excuse my self and others within/as forgiveness where responsibility is not accepted and lived but instead let go of and remitted for the responsible party to go about repeating the cycle without plan to correct or commitment to change.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to condone actions within giving/receiving forgiveness to my self or another, using (self) forgiveness as a statement of finding transgressions to be acceptable and agreeable in some way or another as to "let it slip".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to confuse forgiveness, self forgiveness, with some other thing that is seemingly similar to it or related to it when it is forgiveness... forgiveness = forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define forgiveness within a victim stance, where it is required to be a victim of someone or something to be able to forgive.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe that as a victim I do not require forgiveness, that I am not the one that needs to have my self forgiven, and that I am justified within being the one to give forgiveness as I am a victim - the one that was wronged.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define forgiveness as telling someone they are wrong, but i'm going to let it go, and not hold on to any negative emotions - but snidely 'wish' an 'offender' well when I could just as easily insist they forgive themselves and ENSURE that they do well.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define forgiveness as requiring NEGATIVITY PRESENT BEFORE FORGIVENESS IS/CAN BE APPLIED... as for example in the writing it is indicated that an negative emotion is the point of release.. the negative is the focus.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to focus on the negative within self forgiveness, making forgiveness about negativity as a seemingly transformative method of turning negatives into positives - so it is "positive" but very much focused on negativity as the requisite to produce a return to "homeostasis"... so here this definition requires and therefore creates the negative by demanding it exist for this particular function - because function is the reason for existence - so for forgiveness to exist in this context, negativity is required.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to ignore how ANY CHARGE is worthy of forgiveness as my self, that I can forgive my self not just for the negative.. the positive is also worth forgiving.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define forgiveness as a change of feelings and emotions, as this is very much a basis for why self forgiveness is also applied, and it is not substantial or effective.. in this definition it is just a tool of self manipulation and something to use in the bullshit endless pursuit of happiness/positivity.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define at the base level forgiveness as requiring that I be a victim and intentionally/voluntarily want to undergo a change in my feelings/emotions to be superior to some perceived "offense" against me which will require someone to be the offender.. who is doing it to me? I am!

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not realize that I am the offender and the victim, I am both, doing it to my self.. and there is no one "out there" doing any of the perceived "offense" to me .. nobody is attacking me.. nobody is hurting me.. the only change in "feelings and emotions" I should undergo within this is to see that yup, it's me.. i'm not a victim.. and whoever I was thinking is/was doing this to me is just me blaming someone and creating them that way in my mind so I can justify my victim stance.

When and as I apply forgiveness to my self as being a victim with some separate, perceived "offense" or "offender" that I must release some negativity towards and become superior to.. I stop and I breathe.

I commit my self to realize I am no victim and there is no external offense or offender, it is all within me.. I am this polarity play-out's creator... I am responsible for this whole equation.. and that negativity is not the only point within this play out worth forgiving.. I can forgive my self for any charge and this isn't about becoming superior to anyone.

I commit my self to forgive my self for any charge I notice, not just negativity, as the charges work together and I am missing something here if I don't see how the positive points are creating this as they require the negative to exist..

I commit my self to see the "game" that's been played within forgiveness as this type of victim/abuser polarity and how to creatively forgive my self for this basic definition of the word which is easy to activate...

I commit my self to continue exploring current definitions I can find online, in the bible, any where that may contain some of the programming/bullshit/brainwashing and forgive my self as this point to assist and support my self within applying self forgiveness clear from these starting points.



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jonathan solorio
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Day 7

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:34

Day 7

Referencing this article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-duni ... 37240.html
Using this point within the article to expand on my self forgiveness of self forgiveness:
"**Moving out of a fixation on self-incrimination.**

It is important to process what happened in order to enlarge our vision of how we came to make the choice we did. Some questions that can be helpful include: How did I come to believe that the action carried out was not a violation of my values? Did the action reflect the result of two competing values, with one being sacrificed? Were there intervening variables I was not aware of? Is there some understanding of my motivation that I can have in retrospect?
"______

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to have forgiven my self without an actual investment of investigation into what I am forgiving my self for - to see, define, understand, and live forgiveness as having no process of opening up, understanding my self, resolving conflict within me, and questioning my self within my values and compromises where there was obviously some issue that I could benefit from learning from.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to focus on the incrimination, the creating of my self as a criminal, within the application of forgiveness - where I can, instead of making ill statements about my self, go into a practical, deep, honest stance of understanding who I am outside of the charges as judgments where I stand in a court of my mind doomed to the system this "court" of the mind is only ever interested in profiting for.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to ignore the practical steps and natural commitment that comes within forgiving my self, to have never considered what is required for me to actually be self forgiven and so within any point that I forgive my self to have missed the awareness of where I am going with that particular statement of self forgiveness.

One more point from the post:
"**Accepting that being fully alive means making mistakes.**
This calls for a level of humility, allowing us to be more accepting of our limits and letting go of perfectionistic aspirations.
"___

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to want to punish my self when I make mistakes related to what I have forgiven my self for and made commitments to change already.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not make any room within me for error and to then come down on my self or anyone else for falling where I or anyone else has already applied themselves.. as this is not considerate of anything beyond an abusive idea of absolute perfection where when something was done, it had better of been done right and permanently - NO EXCEPTIONS!

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be arrogant, headstrong, and self-righteous in my application of self forgiveness where I am applying my self within this puffed-up, "this is final" attitude and I don't want to consider anything outside of my intent within application happening or becoming true - blinding my self to the many possibilities of mistakes to come about within me and that are even happening in this moment of writing as what I have already applied.

I forgive my self for NOT accepting and allowing my self to be forgiving of my self making mistakes, to not accept deeply that I am going to make many mistakes even if I am willing and ready to forgive my self and correct my self.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to hold my mistakes against my self as I apply my self within forgiveness and correcting my self with a commitment to change.

When and as I see my self applying self forgiveness without the awareness of the err in my ways and the many mistakes likely to happen, walking without humility, I stop and I breathe.

I commit my self to appreciate my self for the commitment to change and correcting my self that I deliberately apply daily, the veracious oversight of my application, and to add to these points in my self an additional aspect to appreciate which is that no matter how hard I push, how strongly I assess my application of my self, how thorough I investigate my self in forgiveness, that I am going to make mistakes.. that mistakes may unexpectedly enter the equation, that I may be surprised by what happens that I may perceive as "not part of the plan" or "a setback in my progress"... so here, by appreciating this point and letting my self settle into humility, I help my self even further in this process of self forgiveness and also have resolved the conflict of giving my all and knowing it guarantees nothing will be what I set out for it to be.

I commit my self to stop incriminating my self within my application of my self as forgiveness where forgiveness can seemingly, justifiably carry this statement of my self being "the bad guy", "the evil doer", "the offender", where I am blaming my self, feeling guilty, angered, and hating my self... so when I apply my forgiveness in this way I am secretly feeding into and supporting this idea of my self and not actually releasing my self but furthering the narrative of punishment within me as one interpretation of forgiveness is "opposite" to punishment.. so in this definition becoming active in my application I am just going to the other end of punishment which supports me punishing my self - once I fail/fall within/through forgiveness to the "other" side and.. punished once again!

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define forgiveness in relationship to punishment, as requiring punishment to exist as the "opposite" to me as forgiveness, where it forgiveness supports the punishing narratives and punishment supports the forgiving narratives to keep this cycle of bullshit self abuse going.



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jonathan solorio
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Day 8

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:36

Day 8

Referencing this: http://www.oshonews.com/2013/07/22/how- ... e-mahabha/

First parts from the bottom of the article:
"In larger view…
When you view life as eternal, forgiveness is the only thing that makes sense. "
"I’ve already forgiven them
Forgiveness is many-layered. To say a prayer once, for example, is unlikely to release the negative tie between you and the other. It usually takes several attempts – perhaps over years, especially if the bitterness/anger/resentment is long-held."

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not consider the context of eternity within forgiving my self, as life I would exist eternally and so my forgiveness of my self would require consideration of my self throughout eternity.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think of forgiveness within the short-term, immediate gratification of only desiring a quick fix for my bad moods and feelings.. to seek and apply self forgiveness as a temporary fix before I have to come back and perform the trick again..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not apply self forgiveness as a solid brick, day by day, building my life within a foundation and structure of forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to expect to never have to forgive again if I have forgiven my self or anyone else once for something.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be naive and ignorant in wanting to get my application of self forgiveness over with when it is in a sense, practically never over.. this is a Sisyphean, eternal living application of my self.

Second part for SF:

"I can’t forgive
To forgive takes strength. Real strength of mind and heart to put peace above our upset and anger.
It doesn’t mean condoning what they did. It means accepting that they, just like you, are human and make mistakes.
You can forgive. It is our divine nature to forgive because, when truly humble, we realise we are united in ‘not knowing what we do.’"

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe I cannot forgive.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe forgiveness is for the weak.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to uphold resentment, grudges, revenge, and spite over forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self for not knowing what I have done, for not knowing what I do, and for remaining ignorant of my actions and words.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not see and understand that I make mistakes and to work with my self on this point.

When and as I feel I cannot forgive my self and cannot keep applying forgiveness to my life, such as during a particularly shitty moment where I am resistant and stubborn.. I stop and I breathe. It is no harder than I make it and to speak the self forgiveness is breathing it into the moment and creating the momentum. So - just begin.

I commit my self to apply self forgiveness in the moments where I hold back looking at the long road ahead, in the moments I hold onto my reservations and old baggage about something, because to apply self forgiveness is not asking me to change everything inside me immediately.. but to just write it out, speak it, put it into words as a statement towards my self to hear my self here.. and to help me move towards that calling, that summon of my self in forgiveness.

I commit my self to humbly walk with forgiveness in my life and to know I will face trial and error, but that is something I can accept and work with, so to not go into my head or try to get ahead of my self when certainly something will come up that I will have to face and I will re-apply my self.. I don't know it all.



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jonathan solorio
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Day 9

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:40

Day 9

From DIP Lite:

"The Purpose of Self-Forgiveness
After your writing, you take the points that you’ve revealed to yourself (in your writing) and you apply Self-Forgiveness. As you write or speak Self-Forgiveness statements, you will be able to take one point and ‘open it up’ further. What do we mean by that?
In your writing you will be able to identify any points that you experienced and that you did not direct yourself in consideration of all involved, but that just ‘welled up’ inside of you, such as: thoughts, emotions, moods, reactions, mannerisms – anything that came up / that you saw within you / that you did, without you directing it. So writing allows you to see that ‘something is up’. Now – Self-Forgiveness assists with seeing, realizing and understanding exactly WHY and HOW these experiences came up within yourself in that specific moment. You will see that with any reaction there is a ‘story behind the surface’ that is not easily accessible through writing alone.
As you apply Self-Forgiveness, you will be ‘opening the point’ like you would ‘open a box’ – looking further than what is visible at first glance – investigating each and every corner of it, so that nothing of it remains hidden. Writing or speaking Self-Forgiveness is a flow, just like following back a thread to see how you had woven the whole picture."

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not give my self anything to forgive my self about in words when and as I see I have nothing in-word(inward) as me to forgive my self for.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not give my self the stability and structure of writing my self out where I can see a solid state form of what is going on within me and the initial interpretation and experience of my self, as this is where I am able to fashion my self forgiveness in a direct way related to my honesty as it is in that moment..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to miss how my writing of my self as I am is a great starting point for self support and how that is exactly where I can benefit most from applying my self forgiveness within - as I am not just applying my self forgiveness like hot air coming out of my mind, I am bringing my self within here onto paper and working with what i've got going on.. and then going through it again with the application of self forgiveness to get through to something else within what I am working on already.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be following nothing at all when applying my self in self forgiveness by giving my self nothing to work with, so I am "shooting in the dark" hoping that whatever I see is worth shooting at.. as I get little glimpses, flashes, and something a whole picture to apply my self on without writing.or speaking something for me to look at first.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to separate my self from the identity/identification of points that demand forgiveness, where I look over my words in writing within a sense of helplessness or hopelessness for what I see as my self in the writing.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to forgive my self without purpose, without writing out or speaking something out loud before forgiving my self - the words that I place before me and that are within me are the purpose of my forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to avoid investigating the purpose of self forgiveness within my actions and words as what is here, what is within me and before me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not consider who I am as an application of self forgiveness, where how I do, say, and think reflects on my self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel weird for applying self forgiveness this way, the way I have been shown, in the structure, format, and understanding that I have become consciously aware of.. because it's not quite yet "me" or "mine" as I would not have done this without the work others have done to get it out to me and everyone else.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to want to avoid all the ways this word has been given to me to apply - from the brainwash definitions down to the clear as day common sense honest reasonable ones and specific practical ones.. because I didn't come up with these words for how to do this.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel like I can't forgive my self or give my self forgiveness because the context in which I discovered it wasn't my creation and wasn't my own life.. it was just something I stumbled upon and previously ignored when I stumbled on it before because of the context and definitions in which it was discovered before.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not want to pick up this application of self forgiveness and anything like it that came into my world in a way that is so far beyond me but also BETTER than anything I could have conceived of.

I commit my self to apply self forgiveness in my life in a way that I explore it through my "level" and shape it up to something that makes working sense, is functionally understandable, in my life.. this means that I communicate to myself all the good that is in all the examples and definitions of self forgiveness.. from the most extremely specific and advanced definitions that miss no details on how to apply it... to the definitions I judge as dumb brainwashing that I see as useless to me... so here I do the work or do the math to bring my self to the working knowledge of the reality within self forgiveness so that when I hear or read instructions, definitions, and insights about self forgiveness I actually have "my own ground" to stand on from which to "gauge" my self.

I commit my self to study self forgiveness with my self as the experiment and tester to have some real life effectiveness from which to apply my self in forgiveness and share my self as forgiveness.

I commit my self to not kid my self within thinking I know what i'm doing yet or have known or that anyone can know something for me... when I will clearly not be very satisfied operating on the confidence of someone else's expression of themselves as knowledge - i'm going to have to bring this into my own life today.




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