Referencing this Graduate Thesis and Dissertation from Iowa on "Self-forgiveness for interpersonal and intrapersonal transgressions":
(somebody get a hold of this person!)
I only read up to page 17 in this for now and this is some of what came up for me:
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not forgive my self as God, as this has been the ultimate point for which forgiveness is typically sought out and to look for forgiveness outside of self for some authority to forgive us is exactly that - seeking God for self's forgiveness.
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not see and understand that this ultimate point of forgiveness is not separate from me, but that I have accepted and allowed my self to believe it is beyond me.. that it is a power, an authority, an ability not within my reach or application.
I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to see that I am practically applying the power of "God" when I forgive my self and that I am living benevolence, love, empathy, understanding, and more when I forgive my self.
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to separate my self from the forgiveness of my self within my perceived victims and higher power that is able to forgive me, where they are apparently the ones holding the key, responsible for my release of my self... and within this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to create victims and higher powers - to separate my self - and then from here placing my self in pursuit of something essential to life, essential to my being, essential to my functioning... as I no longer have this necessary expression within and as me, but somewhere outside of me that it has to be retrieved and activated upon me.
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to have only explored forgiveness in the realm of relationships with others and miss that what is out here is within me here and that I have been going the "wrong way" by using forgiveness as statements of blame for my self or another... or by simply separating my self from my self in search for a key, an ingredient, that is here within me... that first step of making forgiveness about others is immediately requiring correction..
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to have missed the point so extensively throughout time that all the information that is available on forgiveness is interpersonal, related to others, ignoring my self and what transgressions against my self I have created... and in this, look, the entire starting point of self is missed.. and any glimpse into this starting point is dismissed as evidenced by this research that also mentions "self forgiveness is the step-child of forgiveness" - HAH!!!! CAN I SEE IT NOW?
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to miss the reality implied and indicated in self forgiveness, the "who I can be" in self forgiveness, the considerations and consequences of self forgiveness..
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to hold onto things like guilt and narcissism which prevent me from forgiving my self and others because I believe more in punishment, holding onto the past, debt, and petty egotistical sensitivity.
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to become neurotic instead of forgiving my self when this ability, this power of my self has always been here within me and especially since I have had it's name/handle... because as this research also supports, there is a drastic correlation between self forgiveness and reduction in neuroticism.
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe that I am a bad person if I feel less guilt and shame and don't blame my self after forgiving my self, like I am less likely to be responsible and do something about what I have forgive my self for.
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge my self for forgiving my self as being self centered, as if forgiving my self is not caring about the life involved in what I have forgiven my self for.
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think I am doing someone else's job and breaking some rule by forgiving my self for what I have said or done, taking the responsibility into my own.
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to separate my self from the measurement of self forgiveness where I need to create disposition assessments, take tests with statements that reflect on a scale, and intellectualize self forgiveness when many aspects are going to reflect my living of self forgiveness and not just a point scale, a character assessment, or other fixed value judgments.
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to participate in "pseudo self forgiveness" where I do not take part in self responsibility or correction for what I forgive my self for and instead take a "moral, cognitive, affective shortcut" wherein I skip past some things and try to just feign belief in my application of forgiveness to my self.
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to fear what little is known about self forgiveness in the world and how far we have to go in bringing about a life that is lived in self forgiveness for all.
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not realize that it isn't just me who doesn't know much at all about self forgiveness and that I am not alone in how new and unfamiliar it is.. because it is evident in the words I read of everyone that this self forgiveness is rarely touched upon and for most of us there is not a single person outside of Desteni we know that lives with self forgiveness as a daily, central application to their life - so yes, we're the "first" we know of and if there is anyone out there who has been doing this, they're the needle in the haystack lol.
When and as I apply self forgiveness through statements, researching sf, considering it's consequences, or beginning to talk about it - I stop and I breathe.
I commit my self to step into self forgiveness as I am, authentically, genuinely, and without the pretense of knowing anything at all as there really isn't anything that I know about it besides what I have gone through, seen for my self, explored, and all the knowledge and information about it I am still only walking with and testing for my self - much of what is available I cannot substantiate and it doesn't appear to have much behind it that I am aware of!
I commit my self to make forgiveness, self forgiveness, about me and my living... honestly.. expressively.. simply.. where my starting point is clear of pretense and standing on practically defined common ground.
I commit my self to stand for my self in self forgiveness, to be what is backing up my self forgiveness, and to not look for some evidence in research, in history, in academia, in science, to substantiate my self forgiveness - I am the one that substantiates my self forgiveness.
I commit my self to substantiate and prove my self forgiveness instead of looking for signs outside of me to back me up, give me confidence, and show me that what I am doing works... my own life/living will be what I test for this.