Self Forgiveness on Self Forgiveness

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jonathan solorio
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Joined: 10 Apr 2016, 19:33

Day 10

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:41

Day 10
From DIP Lite: "Why is it called Self Forgiveness?"
"Opening yourself Up into Seeing How it is that You have Created yourself
So, within Self-Forgiveness, what you will realize is: with walking and applying and speaking the statements - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself - you will open yourself up to seeing how it is that you have created and manifested yourself, within and without, and how you are actually responsible for yourself within and without. And within the Self-Forgiveness statements what is quite great about walking them, writing them out, and speaking them, is that you will also see the solution of how you can assist and support yourself to change the acceptance and allowance of the relationship with the mind, to a living-directive principle where you will transform yourself within and without.
This is how and why you write Self-Forgiveness – to release yourself from that relationship with your mind, within the nature of acceptance and allowance, where that acceptance has been within the context of believing that you are powerless to change yourself and your world, and then allowance within simply following yourself within and without and believing that you have no way of changing yourself within and without."

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not get this type of understanding or definition very easily and to then feel in conflict with what I am reading or hearing.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel something like "fuck." or "fuck this, this doesn't make sense or help me understand shit." because yet again it is not my words and it's obviously somebody who knows something I don't and I don't really want to agree yet just because the words are asserting a sense of certainty where I don't experience this person's know-how, this certainty, or this sense of "it is what it is" about applying my self within self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to resist and reject applying self forgiveness because the way it has been explained to me is "too much" and is jarring to my mind to look at all the specifics of the information and knowledge related to the structural application I have been shown when I have no clue yet how it is going to work for me and have yet to see it the way it was explained to me..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel that I am now obligated or promising my self to have the outlined effect or consequence of applying self forgiveness the way it was shown to me since I have now seen some words that assert and propose with certainty this is how this application will be done when I do it... so here I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel set up to fail because I feel I must agree with the words i'm reading to be the way it will be for me when I can't and don't want to be strict on my self for not having the same effect as was put into detail for me by someone else who has experience.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to hate being a noob within something like applying self forgiveness and then studying or learning from someone who has excellent knowledge, lots of experience, and application of something because I feel inferior and incapable of putting what they showed me to the test.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel inferior to knowledge and information about self forgiveness that is beyond me and to feel superior to knowledge and information I am familiar with and comfortable with.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe I cannot apply knowledge and information the way it was presented to me, such as here with the knowledge and information about self forgiveness, simply because I have no experience with what is being shared and want to hit pause and sit on what isn't making sense to me before anymore frustration accumulates.

When and as I am challenged with knowledge and information that I cannot process correctly and feel inferior to because it is substantial and/or beyond anything I feel I would have even thought of, I stop and I breathe. I am not promising my self immediate success with any information and knowledge passed on to me, no matter how plain and simple, greatly detailed and practical it is.. I am not even going to start applying it exactly as it was given to me. I commit my self to practicing my self within the simple instructions I can certainly begin with, but fuck whatever is racking my brain because i'll give my self a headache overthinking it.

I commit my self to apply my self without fear or worry of making mistakes as the more information and knowledge I accumulate, I tend to become aware of more areas in which I can do something incorrectly.

I commit my self to apply what I can and when I start backing up a whole bunch of information and knowledge, no matter how "useful" it seems, to DROP IT, say FUCK IT and give my self plenty of time to sort it out because i'm not going to sort everything out immediately.. and the way i'm used to treating this experience is make it work, put my gears into overdrive to understand it, and push my self to the extreme to achieve 100% adherence to the specifics.



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jonathan solorio
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Day 11

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:42

Day 11
I notice a lot of the same points coming up within me surrounding self forgiveness and the application of self forgiveness, it has been useful for me to reference material online related to forgiveness to apply my self forgiveness to.. but the frames of definitions are nearly all the same. The Desteni definition has a superior perspective for the application and what i've noted since applying self forgiveness to self forgiveness just in 11 days is I do not feel like I have to do it and I don't do it "just because there's something that could maybe use it". Often times I have applied it completely out of some frustrating disagreement within my self. I notice how often I never let my self see into the full picture or nature of what is going on within me before taking the experience within me as an emergent/emergency sign for me to apply self forgiveness because I can see "this is in need of some help, do something! forgive! forgive!" and then sure I apply self forgiveness but it is somewhat premature as I am guessing what words will support me in forgiveness. I don't like that, I don't prefer that, I often say and write more than enough yet I see that i'm still left wanting within my application because I did not give my self a full pictured understanding before forgiving my self and so my forgiveness tends to be half complete because I never directed my self to opening the emergent point first in detail.
__

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to apply my self to emergent points in a state of emergency self forgiveness before giving my self a space, an opening, a clearing, for the point to be assessed in some detail that satisfies me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to see what goes on inside me that is emerging as needing self forgiveness immediately and to start "guessing" statements at it, "throwing shit at it", like a freaking out where I want to help or feel I can help but what i'm doing or saying isn't helping.. yet I believe self forgiveness can always help so i'm stupidly applying it statement after statement only to frustrate my self even more because that's NOT what I need in that moment.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to write and say more than enough within self fogiveness, or what should seemingly be enough, and it rarely is.. because I have not given my self the insight, the full picture, as what I can or do understand about something within me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to prematurely apply self forgiveness when and as something is going on within me, something is up, and I have not yet accepted and allowed it to fully come up out of the invisible through something like writing my self out in clear support.. even just more time being familiar with how I experience it in my body, looking within, can help more than jumping on it with a feverishness to "do something with it".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to guess when I can support my self to do what I know better and I don't have to go through endless statements and only find support here after who knows how many words.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel frustration when I disagree with my self and to not resolve the disagreement and frustration first in a way that supports me most effectively, and I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not consider that when I am still frustrated and in disagreement within my self after using self forgiveness that I must be needing some other form of self support instead of trying to make self forgiveness a cure-all.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to apply self forgiveness "just because" and "maybe this will help" when this falls back into my chaotic guessing game of self support which does not help me at the moment no matter how good of an idea it seems to be as a "self exploration" in self forgiveness.. it's just wandering around in my mind.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to have not defined a way in which I will walk self forgiveness for my self in self honesty and how I will use all the knowledge and information I have shared with me throughout the world as a self investigation in what supports me here as I am.. and to really give my self what is "good" for me in all that I find, instead of trying to take on the whole lot of what I find at face value without considering that I may not be able to practically work with it because of the way I am for now..

So, I commit my self to work with who I am here, the way I am, within what I know about my self and to apply what information and knowledge is practical for me and relevant to me... to adjust my self in the process and apply what I see fits while being aware that there is more that I may eventually be able to use.. and to not say something doesn't work at all just because it isn't useful for me right now...

I commit my self to not judge my self by the standards others have set for themselves and to not hold my self accountable to the exact application others have for themselves in the way they have shared themselves with me, because I am not who they are or where they are at and i'm going to have to consider how certain things fit into me and my life so that I can start living and applying my self practically without causing my self stress and dismay.

I commit my self to challenge my self within my application yet adjust and be flexible when I cannot meet a level or condition or structure or ability within the goal that I have set or accepted for my self.
I commit my self to define self forgiveness and the application of it for my self with consideration to all in what has been shared and is shared with me and to grow from the self introspection that is produced from the sharing of self.



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jonathan solorio
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Day 12

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:43

Day 12
Forgiveness: I spoke the word after patiently breathing, sitting calmly, slowing my mind, preparing to use my body for support with whatever comes up within me when speaking it.
A buzzing, flushing, rushing release I can feel in my body and skin.
A fullness in some places, I notice tension that won't release with the rushing flushy/fleshy buzz like in my left chest (which may be from a physical injury).
On the second and third time:
I was hesitant to voice the word.
I could hear something "off" about the way I said it, a fear?
I hesitate to speak the word and do not say it confidently.
In my mind I had some thoughts for a moment and the one I can remember is, "all forgiveness is self forgiveness" and I doubted that line of thinking.
I wrote Forgiveness and looked at the word, realized the way I see each letter and the total word is showing me something, then wrote Self Forgiveness. Then remembered the saying "Forgiveness isn't for them, it's for you.", because the tendency to believe that when we Forgive, it is for others and not for us... but it is always for us and so yes.. all forgiveness is for self.
____

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to separate forgiveness from self forgiveness, to require the word self before forgiveness because I could not see forgiveness in this way as my self without having it spelled out.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe I can or that I am forgiving another because that is in separation, I am actually forgiving my self when I forgive because whoever that other person is - is another me and to forgive them in "another" way is not real.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define forgiveness with the context of an "other" in my mind, to not see my self in all that I see forgiveness being given to, and to go about exchanging forgiveness as positive energy and a religious/spiritual-type of currency tying another to me in good faith that it will pay off.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be forgiving for someone else, to think I am ever forgiving for someone else when if someone "needs" or "wants" forgiveness.. they can have it.. they can give it to themselves.. and that is far more supportive and effective than looking to me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to need or want someone to look for forgiveness from me, to look for them to be sorry for what they've apparently done to me, as this supports me being in a position of a perceived victim and leaves the possibility for me to be "right" and be the "bigger person" when the opportunity arrives that someone wants to restore "grace" with me like I am supposedly the one to make things better for them.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to ask for others for their forgiveness or seek their forgiveness when I am not even willing or open to forgiving my self, so i'm not actually moving forward by looking to others to help or heal because I am coming to them out of self dishonesty and self abuse as I am not even ready to forgive my self.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not see how I have limited my self within forgiveness simply in the way I have lived it unquestionably and the many ways in which I have not lived it.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self fear the word Forgiveness, hesitating to speak it out loud, and to want to "keep it down" so that I am not heard.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel a rushing release of fleshy energy flushing my skin and buzzing in my body when and as I speak forgiveness and self forgiveness, and to then also be caught in a moment as I enjoy it, sometimes becoming hypnotic or consumed by the interesting experience.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to hold onto any tension within me when I speak self forgiveness statements or the word forgiveness as my self.

When and as I speak, write, or read the word forgiveness and self forgiveness in self applications as statements or testing my bodies responses or just hearing the sounding of the word, I stop and I breathe. I commit my self to look within as I apply my self and pay careful attention to all that goes on within me to the best of my ability, being patient and studious towards what comes alive within me, and to then find ways in which to experiment and support my self with what is here and happening with me.

I commit my self to understand, appreciate, and value my self as what goes on within my body and mind.. by embracing the activity within as learning activity, bringing/initiating my self to act in support of my self as the directive within.

I commit my self to clearing my starting point within applying self forgiveness and purifying my tools like self forgiveness so that I may use these with the utmost confidence and excellence.



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jonathan solorio
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Day 13

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:48

Day 13

How do I see my self through forgiveness?

I see my self opening up and exposing the things I hold on to and keep within me, sharing with my self particular things that I would take longer to get down to in self honesty than I do when invited by my deliberate decision to forgive my self.
I see my self begin to let go and consider living all that I can and want to live without the brutal consequences of mercilessly holding things against my self until I followed through with them as a form of discipline.
I see my self through forgiveness by going through it from beginning to end, following through with it into living, applying my self through it from beginning to end, deliberately pushing resistances along the way and not just having it come around to me as a good idea when it can be taken in directly and done by me here in any moment.
__

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not face my self directly within self forgiveness, letting it be something that comes around to me every once in a while throughout the day, week, month, or year and in that not actually be applying my self as I do it when this "good idea" or "good moment to do sf" comes around.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to want to avoid going through the actual process of forgiving my self from beginning to end, where I see my self through in living, applying self forgiveness.. seeing what that means, how that is done, what I have to learn, who I will become, how I will start to act and change..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to avoid self forgiveness because of resistances and my fear of pushing my self through those resistances, and to only accept and allow my self to apply self forgiveness when it "comes around" instead of me directing my self here to do it because it's an expression of me, not a cycle, and I want to practice this - I am the one to bring it into being here, it's not waiting, i'm the only one that is waiting to apply it.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to live my life mercilessly, brutally holding things against my self as a form of discipline and rule from which to control my self and get my self to do what I do.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe it is impossible to live my life with duty, discipline, change, correction, focus, direction, action, and commitment within forgiveness because it seems "too good to be true" that I could be forgiving to my self and still accomplish anything... as I have thought of and defined forgiveness in this sense or in this way where nothing gets done when one is forgiven because all is released, all those words I used to see as going out the window once forgiveness is applied.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be uninviting of my self to share with my self openly, honestly, intimately, all the things I hold onto aggressively, mercilessly, in favor of making sure I am guarded and held in accountability like some form of slave or prisoner needing to be watched to make sure that work I set out to do gets done and that perceived crime gets penance.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define forgiveness for my self in a way that compromises my ability to work, grow, live, become responsible, and change in a way that is best for me and best for all.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to prefer enslavement over forgiveness for whatever perceived transgression of life I have committed against my self and others..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to want everybody to pay for their perceived crimes against life instead of them finding self forgiveness within self responsibility and self honesty to free themselves and gift themselves anew in what is best for them and best for all.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to want punishment, retribution, revenge, penalty, and condemnation and to make forgiveness impossible as I believe forgiveness to be the real evil in some strange light or spin on the word.

When and as I do not see my self through forgiveness and notice I am looking at my self punishingly, busy incriminating my self, I stop and I breathe.

I commit my self to reference the word forgiveness and self forgiveness to see my self through, so in a moment if I can see they will support me, I will bring this word up here for my self in some way and then look within my self/body/mind to assess who I am in self forgiveness/forgiveness and see my self through from beginning to end as when I brought it up to when I came out the other end.

I commit my self to apply my self within forgiveness, self forgiveness, throughout all the unexplored aspects of it that I have not directed my self through in self honesty.. to expand my self thoroughly through all the weaknesses I identify within me that can become strengths, resilience, confidence.



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jonathan solorio
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Day 14

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:52

Day 14
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not consider my self within the forgiveness of others.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to separate my self from forgiving others and from seeing others in self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to avoid taking an interest in others within the living of forgiveness, not willing to look into them as my self through forgiveness, and expanding my self in relationship to forgiveness by making self forgiveness a part of my relationships.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to fear others within forgiving my self, where I do not want others to be aware or see or hear that I am forgiving my self.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to want to hide the fact that I forgive my self, to keep my words in the shadows, secret and out of view of anyone who is not also forgiving themselves.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to have limited my self within and as self forgiveness by making other people a reason why I will not forgive my self - that as long as someone is present who does not forgive themselves, I will not forgive my self in their presence.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to agree with the part of my self and others that does not want to forgive and to avoid applying self forgiveness when in the presence of someone I perceive to be unforgiving.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to have a tremendous, incapacitating reaction in moments where I consider forgiving my self in public with the possibility of anyone being in earshot of my forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not see how big of a deal this point can become and has already been for me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to resist applying self forgiveness in front of others and to also think and believe that when/if I do apply it infront of someone else I am going to be such a freak, weirdo, and be unable to control the awkward reaction happening in me just in the simple consideration of applying it publicly.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel that I have to apply it in front of others and because I am not and have not and resist it that I must push my self in a moment to basically "just do it".. which translates into applying it while in a fearful reaction where I make a mess out of my world for a moment by being a weirdo because out of the blue i'm forgiving my self and also having a reaction and the person or people in my vicinity will be totally clueless to what the hell is going on with me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be impractical about forgiving my self and consider doing something very ungracious and lacking in common sense because I am in fear.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel that I have to act out my fear of applying self forgiveness openly when I have not supported my self to face that fear practically and I know that I will crash and burn doing it without first practically supporting my self in writing it out.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to fear the day I finally forgive my self in front of others who have no clue what i'm doing and facing their reactions.

When and as I face a moment where I would like to forgive my self out loud and there are others around that can or may hear me, I stop and I breathe.

I commit my self to consider all the possible ways I have already supported my self to face this moment and also the ways I can further support my self to face this moment without such a crippling fear and walk through it.

I commit my self to let it go if I see I am reacting deeply to the situation and know I am not stable enough to face anyone's reaction to my application in sounding self forgiveness out loud.

I commit my self to look forward to the day I apply my self forgiveness and can face anyone who looks to me funnily or questions me or may even tell me to shut up, so that I remind my self of what potential I am living to create as my self...

I commit my self to plan to stand within my self forgiveness no matter what, to stand by my words in self forgiveness, to not hide or fear in self forgiveness... and thus live clearly as who I am, doing what is best for me and best for all...



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jonathan solorio
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Day 15

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:52

Day 15

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel like there is nothing to forgive my self for.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe the things I forgive my self for are stupid.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be hyper critical of what I decide to forgive my self for as what comes out of me in a statement of self forgiveness sounds or looks harmless and innocent, so what the hell am I forgiving my self for that?

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe that what I forgive my self for is undeserving of self forgiveness because I judge it as positive, righteous, pure, good, innocent, harmless, or something else on the acceptable end of sounds, words, actions, and images and anything that is "just", "righteous" to me is therefore not worthy or deserving of forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe that I know what is or can be forgiven and that I know what should or shouldn't be forgiven and that I know what is "just", "righteous", "pure", "innocent", or "harmless".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not apply self forgiveness within that which is apparently "too good" for self forgiveness and to ignore that this "goodness" is a charge which creates its opposite of "bad" and is equally worthy of forgiveness and in some ways "more" because it has been so ignored.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to find the application of self forgiveness on anything positive/pure/good/just/righteous to be so foreign that I can't get past this point because it doesn't seem right to forgive and correct something that is already "correct".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to separate my self from the other end of the polarity and applying my self in self forgiveness to this other end of the polarity because I see forgiveness only being applied to the supposed "sinners end" of the equation where you had to be a bad person first to forgive your self.

When and as I am forgiving my self and I see that I am solely focused on applying it to perceived "negatives" and ignoring the perceived "positives", because I am apparently turning negatives into positives with self forgiveness, I stop and I breathe.

I commit my self to exploring all the positive points I can practice applying self forgiveness within and seeing what it is that I ignored the positive/righteous/just/pure end of the polarity for, to challenge this perceived notion of "it is perfect as it is and doesn't need correction, forgiveness, change, or anything - it is good!".

I commit my self to creatively question and investigate my self within positivity for self honesty and to get to understand why I see the positivity requiring no application of my self - just leave it alone - don't direct it - don't investigate it.. etc.

I commit my self to apply my self within positivity in self forgiveness instead of ignoring it or demonizing it by taking a negative stance against positivity, and to not separate my self by only taking on negativity every day as "the work that needs to be done" when I have plenty of positive things to investigate as well.



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jonathan solorio
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Day 16

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:53

Day 16

On this day in 2011 I made a post to Facebook and in that post was a comment between me and one Destonian about the point I am now, 5 years later, committed to facing and persevering through within self application... which is the point of visibility in walking my process.. openly applying self forgiveness.. showing my self no matter who glimpses me in action. Self forgiveness has always been the one I resist the most so here I am, ready to go again!

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to fear applying my self within another's presence, this also extends to fear of applying my self in a group.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to specifically fear voicing self forgiveness clearly, loudly, for another to hear and see me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to dread facing this point over and over again as I certainly will, to fear having to go through this more than once and to feel stupid because of how many times I may have to apply a similar statement such as this one until I am cool, okay, clear to do this as my self and stand without reaction.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to have taken so much time to work on this point of being and becoming more visible, vocal, and felt in my application of my self when I could have been preparing to face this 5 years ago or sooner as I saw it back then. I even had it suggested to me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to hold my self back from applying my self in self forgiveness out loud, publicly, visibly, whenever I wanted.. because I am afraid of people.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to fear people thinking something about me, judging me, reacting to me, and speaking up to me about what I do or say and what's going on within me if I were to speak self forgiveness out loud whenever I wanted to.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to try to keep my world and relationships the way it is instead of forgiving my self, fearing that forgiving my self out loud may be "too much" for my world and relationships when I have done much more than that to compromise it all before.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be unreasonably scared and timid of having someone watch or hear me do what I do when no one is around.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be self conscious and think and believe anyone actually gives a fuck or cares what i'm doing or saying because they are only interested in themselves and what's going on within them, just because my actions or words hit some buttons and switches does not mean something is wrong with me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel defensive about my process and applying my self in self forgiveness because of the reactions and judgments I have received in the past so now I want to shut down any critics, nay sayers, dicks, anybody that just wants to poke at me supporting my self that I perceive to be doing so.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be effected by others actions and words in response or reaction to what I am doing and saying for my self.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to take what others say or think about me personally when they directly address me and what I am doing with my actions and words like when I am applying self forgiveness out loud.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to have justified and excused my fear, my limitation, and lived in a self-created, mind reality where I was in hiding and fearing exposure and creating a secret out of what I do and who I am.. always trying to protect this aspect of me from the elements of the world.

When and as I see my self fearing applying my self publicly, visibly, loudly, noticeably... such as in speaking self forgiveness out loud or writing it online... I stop and I breathe.

I commit my self to consider first that I do not have to do it now or not do it at all, as I have in the past, and that I can in that moment assess my self and the context I am in... to apply my self in a way that will support me the most.. which can mean many things, like for instance if I am reacting severely in fear to the thought of having anyone hear or see me apply something like self forgiveness... to help my self first by just breathing and stop building up this experience of having a mental breakdown or panic attack because I am cornering my self into "do it or you fail your self!"... so here in this situation, back off of my self and let my self breathe. In another instance, I am around someone I have shared more of my self with and have seen our relationship grow supportively within my letting others get to know me for me... so here I may not be disturbed as deeply within fear at the consideration of applying self forgiveness out loud or a living word or a self commitment statement... thus it'll be cool to push my self to expand my self around that presence to establish a new ground in which I practice my self support.

I commit my self to find small opportunities with others in which I can apply my self, practice my living of words, and take a visible, vocal stance slowly but surely.

I commit my self to look at being direct with others in my reality about what I do, who I am, and what i'm about.. for example, in a moment where I want to apply my self here and not within my mind, look to the presences of others in my life and communicate to one or more people "Are you cool with me talking out loud to my self and applying some thing I do to help my self?" or just telling them, "hey, just a heads up i'm about to be weird right now, I hope you can deal with it."

I commit my self to changing my self in the presence of others from a passive presence to an applied, assertive, directive, active presence where I am not wearing the disguise of "normal human being" as the accepted and allowed programming we all give to each other in day to day living and everything else is hiding in some way or rejected outright if it is in plain sight.

I commit my self to not give a fuck about what others think about what I do and who I am to the point it incapacitates me and imprisons me within my self as insecurity, self consciousness, and self doubt.



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jonathan solorio
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Day 17

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:55

Day 17

Referencing this Graduate Thesis and Dissertation from Iowa on "Self-forgiveness for interpersonal and intrapersonal transgressions":
(somebody get a hold of this person!)
http://lib.dr.iastate.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi
I only read up to page 17 in this for now and this is some of what came up for me:

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not forgive my self as God, as this has been the ultimate point for which forgiveness is typically sought out and to look for forgiveness outside of self for some authority to forgive us is exactly that - seeking God for self's forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not see and understand that this ultimate point of forgiveness is not separate from me, but that I have accepted and allowed my self to believe it is beyond me.. that it is a power, an authority, an ability not within my reach or application.

I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to see that I am practically applying the power of "God" when I forgive my self and that I am living benevolence, love, empathy, understanding, and more when I forgive my self.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to separate my self from the forgiveness of my self within my perceived victims and higher power that is able to forgive me, where they are apparently the ones holding the key, responsible for my release of my self... and within this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to create victims and higher powers - to separate my self - and then from here placing my self in pursuit of something essential to life, essential to my being, essential to my functioning... as I no longer have this necessary expression within and as me, but somewhere outside of me that it has to be retrieved and activated upon me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to have only explored forgiveness in the realm of relationships with others and miss that what is out here is within me here and that I have been going the "wrong way" by using forgiveness as statements of blame for my self or another... or by simply separating my self from my self in search for a key, an ingredient, that is here within me... that first step of making forgiveness about others is immediately requiring correction..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to have missed the point so extensively throughout time that all the information that is available on forgiveness is interpersonal, related to others, ignoring my self and what transgressions against my self I have created... and in this, look, the entire starting point of self is missed.. and any glimpse into this starting point is dismissed as evidenced by this research that also mentions "self forgiveness is the step-child of forgiveness" - HAH!!!! CAN I SEE IT NOW?

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to miss the reality implied and indicated in self forgiveness, the "who I can be" in self forgiveness, the considerations and consequences of self forgiveness..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to hold onto things like guilt and narcissism which prevent me from forgiving my self and others because I believe more in punishment, holding onto the past, debt, and petty egotistical sensitivity.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to become neurotic instead of forgiving my self when this ability, this power of my self has always been here within me and especially since I have had it's name/handle... because as this research also supports, there is a drastic correlation between self forgiveness and reduction in neuroticism.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe that I am a bad person if I feel less guilt and shame and don't blame my self after forgiving my self, like I am less likely to be responsible and do something about what I have forgive my self for.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge my self for forgiving my self as being self centered, as if forgiving my self is not caring about the life involved in what I have forgiven my self for.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think I am doing someone else's job and breaking some rule by forgiving my self for what I have said or done, taking the responsibility into my own.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to separate my self from the measurement of self forgiveness where I need to create disposition assessments, take tests with statements that reflect on a scale, and intellectualize self forgiveness when many aspects are going to reflect my living of self forgiveness and not just a point scale, a character assessment, or other fixed value judgments.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to participate in "pseudo self forgiveness" where I do not take part in self responsibility or correction for what I forgive my self for and instead take a "moral, cognitive, affective shortcut" wherein I skip past some things and try to just feign belief in my application of forgiveness to my self.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to fear what little is known about self forgiveness in the world and how far we have to go in bringing about a life that is lived in self forgiveness for all.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not realize that it isn't just me who doesn't know much at all about self forgiveness and that I am not alone in how new and unfamiliar it is.. because it is evident in the words I read of everyone that this self forgiveness is rarely touched upon and for most of us there is not a single person outside of Desteni we know that lives with self forgiveness as a daily, central application to their life - so yes, we're the "first" we know of and if there is anyone out there who has been doing this, they're the needle in the haystack lol.

When and as I apply self forgiveness through statements, researching sf, considering it's consequences, or beginning to talk about it - I stop and I breathe.

I commit my self to step into self forgiveness as I am, authentically, genuinely, and without the pretense of knowing anything at all as there really isn't anything that I know about it besides what I have gone through, seen for my self, explored, and all the knowledge and information about it I am still only walking with and testing for my self - much of what is available I cannot substantiate and it doesn't appear to have much behind it that I am aware of!

I commit my self to make forgiveness, self forgiveness, about me and my living... honestly.. expressively.. simply.. where my starting point is clear of pretense and standing on practically defined common ground.

I commit my self to stand for my self in self forgiveness, to be what is backing up my self forgiveness, and to not look for some evidence in research, in history, in academia, in science, to substantiate my self forgiveness - I am the one that substantiates my self forgiveness.

I commit my self to substantiate and prove my self forgiveness instead of looking for signs outside of me to back me up, give me confidence, and show me that what I am doing works... my own life/living will be what I test for this.



User avatar
jonathan solorio
Posts: 41
Joined: 10 Apr 2016, 19:33

Day 18

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:56

Day 18

Opening up within self forgiveness using self forgiveness and searching for any and all points to apply my self within has been eye opening and supportive to me as the limited space in which I saw my self within self forgiveness is dissolving.. To be finding this journey, this inquiry into an essential expression of life, in other people's words across the world helps me see that it is indeed a part of my larger environment and not just an aspect of Desteni which is where I encountered it first. It also helps because I am becoming familiar with the definitions or lack of them and how others are relating to it in their lives. This article is my reference for today that i'll be doing SF within: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Rutledge2.html
(It's not as long as the thesis and dissertation, give it a read!)

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to see the common sense benefits of self forgiveness and not apply self forgiveness knowing full well it helps.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe that my belief in self forgiveness is enough, that just because "I know being self forgiving helps" means I am somehow living self forgiveness - the belief is useless, application is required, thus self forgiveness statements are most practical.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe that an awareness of something is the same as applying it within/as a tool where I work my understanding into my life every day.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not maintain my self within self forgiveness as this is functionally necessary for me to really be living, I must be for giving to be for living.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge my self for taking regular care of my self within applying self forgiveness when this is equal to respecting my life and what is within it - not abusing any form of life and making sure everything finds safe passage.
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge self forgiveness as narcissistic and selfish.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to have lived an eternity without self forgiveness, in this odd reality where I have never imagined living my entire life, or an eternity, in self forgiveness - but I have unquestionably lived in a sort of damnation without it, holding onto grudges, judging the life out of me, constricting my self with convictions.

When and as I go to apply daily self forgiveness and see a resistance to it within me, I stop and I breathe. I remind my self that this is for life, that my consideration of this application is into infinity, eternity, and that I am applying my self as all for all - not just me as this individual body, mind and being.

I commit my self to look into self forgiveness as a fact of life that remains, as a timeless statement of my self, where what I am applying here is just how life is for me and it's not something I can do or go without, this isn't an option for me.

I commit my self to stop deceiving my self with the choices to do or say self forgiveness, because I will have to do it sooner or later, so all that I am participating in within a "choice" to do it or not is actually "procrastination" or something similar where it is avoiding the inevitable.

I commit my self to applying self forgiveness as my destiny, grateful that I found it at Desteni, as this is where I determine my future. :)



User avatar
jonathan solorio
Posts: 41
Joined: 10 Apr 2016, 19:33

Day 19

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:56

Day 19

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel bored of applying self forgiveness and lose interest in it as I move more and more into it each day where it doesn't really seem to help me the way I was hoping it would.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to expect anything to happen when forgiving my self.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to fear not having any effect within self forgiveness and put a lot of investment in my self forgiveness having an effect even though I do not know what to expect but i'm expecting something will happen... and when it is not something desirable like seeing my self become more disciplined, corrected, focused, and ready.. I am disappointed.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to forgive my self without anything of substance behind my statement in which I am accepting and allowing my self to forgive my self in a way that does not matter and I will not do a damn thing about what I forgave my self for.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to perform self forgiveness as lip service to my self to make belief that I am doing anything at all when really the road ends here because I am focusing only on this idea of forgiveness in which I believe I won't have to do as much or maybe nothing at all because once I am forgiven, I am "free" from the point, and so this forgiveness of my self compromises me as my definition robs me of responsibility.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to take the easy way out in self forgiveness where I take my self, this showing of my self awareness in words at face as a promise, a promising sign, that things are going well - that because I am writing this that "all is going right, because look at what I write, look at what I put into words." - and so I can "let go" of this and somehow things are now going to be taken care of.. because I can put the points into words and see how much I know about what's going on within me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to think and believe that I am done here, that when I have wrote self forgiveness or spoken it out loud, that all of a sudden I am done with whatever I was putting into words and nothing else is required of me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel conflicted within applying self forgiveness because at this time for me, self forgiveness is a point I see I must incorporate into my life for my self but i'm preoccupied with the self forgiveness and becoming irritated with my self because this isn't enough and I am like resenting the tool for not being able to create everything I want to create.. for not helping me with everything I am looking to do.. it is only doing so much and beyond that I need something else..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to resent self forgiveness because I don't know what i'm doing with it just yet and the mistakes i'm making with it are not something I want to deal with because I feel if I wasn't preoccupied with this point and this tool I could be doing "better things" that fulfill my self in other ways like building cross references for another word such as discipline or work..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to want to quit forgiving my self and give up on it because I do not see a way to fit it into my life without feeling like it is taking me away from more interesting points that i'd like to practice and develop my self within.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel like self forgiveness is forceful drudgery where i'm dredging through thick layers of my self and within this I don't want to go through the cleaning process where I feel like i'm scrubbing away hard at something on tile.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel like self forgiveness is a chore that I have to do which I know is good for me but feel that the benefits of it are sometimes not very apparent at all so i'd rather not and do something else.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel like "fuck this, why am I doing this?" and want to drop it, throw it down, and walk away once i'm finished.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to finish writing or speaking self forgiveness in frustration, just wanting to be done with it so I can move on and know that I did it... where I will probably be still so frustrated in a way to the point I won't apply much after making the statements because "that'll just have to do for now, I can't deal with the endlessness".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to react to the perceived endlessness within writing self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to see that it begins and ends with me.

When and as I face my self in self forgiveness every single day, I stop and I breathe. The points that come up within me are constantly changing and when I go to apply self forgiveness this is just as true, so I commit my self to be willing, open, and ready for just about any thing to come through in my self forgiveness because it is a word with an entire world with me in it and so within this I commit my self to just begin with me, I don't see a way to make it other than that, because I don't know who I am in self forgiveness yet. I see with each day. I learn with each word.

I commit my self to just seeing what opens up and to treat my self gently, with some compassion, and to apply with some humility as the reality is far different than the things i'm hoping for, predicting, expecting... and so let's see if I can just push through endlessly, persevering patiently and earnestly.

I commit my self to adapt all that I want to apply besides self forgiveness and bring self forgiveness to everything I want to live in support of my self within other points because this conflict of interest has to be resolved otherwise I may compromise my self forgiveness by giving it up because I see it as conflict and not in tandem, harmony, and order with other best interests related to my self.




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