So when I was younger, I would have nightmares with Chuckie, which is this serial killing doll with red hair that was the monster in a series of horror movies. I had watched one of those movies, when there was an adult watching it on tv. I had nightmares. Some of these dreams I remember pretty well. In essence I would like to use such memories of such nightmares as a way to look into some unconscious movements, like for example, in a certain nightmare, I was running away from something. I was aware it was a dream and I feared some monster or Chuckie was going to get me. I feared looking at it. I didn't want to see it. I huddle down, hid my head between my knees. Closed my eyes, and tried very hard to wake up. When I woke, I felt a relief, with a lingering sensation of the fear, and going back to sleep to possibly see that monster. I would say a prayer, and just breath to calm myself down, and I would eventually fall asleep. This reminds me of another dream where this wolf bit my leg. I was so afraid, and I woke up in that instant, and it felt like I had the sensation of being bitten in my leg, right where I dreamt it. So it seems to me that my fear was so strong and that in my dreams I made it real, where I would believe I felt things in my body, as if it were my body in that dream, and I feared being bitten in my leg by that wolf, and so I created the experience or sensation, which was tingly in my leg, perhaps blood rushing in, and maybe slight pain, I am not sure.
So I called the above responses unconscious because it happened so quick and automatically, and as I look back, I do not see my choices of responses as the most ideal choices I could have made, so then why did I make them? They were already programmed choices. So there was not choice, just a reaction. I notice an overall patterns in dreams that I had, that when I realized I was dreaming, I would begin to fear one of my nightmares coming true, and within that actually creating and bringing forth what I feared. I notice a few times I would breathe and calm myself down in a dream. I began to, in my dream, create a superhero outcome, where I would escape or runaway or be saved somehow. And it was all based in how I felt, like with the fears. Of course, in real life, this would have no advantage, since I cannot fly away or have super strength by changing how I feel. How I feel is how I feel, and so in a dream, which occurs in my mind, feelings and emotions are an integral part of dreams. However how much effect do feelings and emotions have outside of your mind? Virtually none. They are virtual components not physical ones. Its true that the mind impacts my physical body, and indirectly effects the people around me, which together will add up to influence the world as a whole. Though compared to how drastically things change in a dream, versus reality, the difference is huge. What I notice, however, how such unconscious movements/reactions will have an influence on my reality, and so it is worth taking into investigation. Like how I didn't look at the monster and was running away, I notice how I physically tend not to look people in the eye, which is similar in the fear component of both experiences. This is unconscious and relates to the fear.When I watched those horror or scary moments in movies, I would look away as I felt afraid. So that moment/movement was recorded and learned by my physical body, to look away, and hide my eyes, when afraid.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to physical turn away and look away from the trigger, which is something physical, for a fear experience, while I experience that fear.
When and as I see myself experiencing a fear, and I am physically turning away, in reaction, so as to not look at the trigger for the fear- I stop and I breathe- I realize that I must turn and look, at the trigger, to help me release and realize in real time that there is nothing to fear because the trigger is a physical thing, whether it be a tv screen, glass, a wall, or a person's eyes, whatever it may be it is physical, and the physical is never something to fear ever.
I commit myself to stare into the trigger of a fear, to help me release the fear, and simply see the physical form before, in observation and awareness, and thus in control of my physical body, not in reaction.