Day 3: Money, the Pursuit of Happiness, and Competition http://cameronsjourneytolife.blogspot.c ... s-and.html
Today a point came up for me where I saw that I was having a specific emotional reaction towards having to work for money and feeling like I am forced to focus on only earning money and feeling that this is unfair. I saw how this was affecting my ability to consider financial decisions with my agreement clearly and instead making decisions and arguing from a starting point of fear - not a concrete real physical fear, but rather a fear of potentially not having money in the future if one or two purchases were made that were not completely necessary.
So I decided that today I will write about the points that come up within me towards this point. As well, I will examine the points where I worry about money only in the context of my own life, however I do not consider the full context of the money system and that daily billions of people are displaced or even have no place at all within the money system and are not even able to work to earn their basic survival. So this is not a point of 'being grateful' for what I have per se, but rather simply recognizing that what my mind perceives as a 'huge problem' is really only a small problem within a very limited context of reality (my individual self) and in fact even with the 'money difficulties' that I have in my life - it is really nothing in comparison to what the majority in this world face. And if I act only from this starting point of worrying about my own survival, then how can I ever make a real difference in this world - and thus who will? And if I don't make a difference and participate in changing the system - then my money struggles will eventually become one and equal to those of the vast majority - as the system collapses and then I will have to come face to face with real physical hardship, not just mind-energy problems.
I listened to the interview called The Inequality of Resource Distribution within All Bodies of Existence in which it was pointed out how the systems in this world are parasitic and restrict the flow of resources to not allow all parts of existence an equal and one share of what is needed within all parts throughout existence. And then further in the interview, Pain as self Perfection - Introduction, it was shown how through thinking participating in energy we create disease and conflict within our human physical bodies. With these two perspectives I could begin to see how by participating in my self-centered, mind based problems I am not only harming myself but supporting the same system throughout the world which is directly causing and creating the suffering of billions in this world - while I worry only about my own illusory problems based on feelings - namely the problem of how to feel good - how to find happiness, how to avoid feeling bad, and thus using money to that end as well. All the while participating in a consumer system where billions are forced - due to threat of not having enough to survive - to literally slave to create the products that I would use to pursue my own happiness. And if I am self-honest I have to admit that I don't actually know what happiness would actually be even if I got it - if not just a temporary feeling - one that fades quickly and supports a need to experience a greater feeling each time.
Then I consider the question of 'Who Am I?' within all of this - within the pursuit of happiness - what if I were to achieve this state of happiness? Could I truly be happy when there are still billions in this world starving? Could I truly be happy knowing that I used money to create the feeling of happiness and to secure all the objects (houses, cars, security, food, relationships, etc) that ensure that my happiness will continue - thus directly contributing to the inequality and unequal distribution of resources and money which directly and indirectly creates events and situations where children starve to death or are not educated properly and thus turn to lives of crime? Could I stand in the face of all of this and still be happy? If am the one who decides who I am (i mean who else can decide that, if not me?) then I say, no, I could not be truly happy knowing that there are others who are not - and that my happiness actually depends on the unhappiness and suffering of others.
Then I have to come to the conclusion that the only way to be truly happy would be if everyone was happy - or to be even more concrete - to ensure that everyone has what they need and that everyone is able to have that which I have and that no one has at the expense of another - that my existence does not depend on limiting the existence of another. So from that perspective pursuing my own individual happiness without practically considering how to ensure everyone else's is quite an insane endeavor.
The next point would be to ask, 'Who decides what makes me happy?' - is it the corporation, who supports, through advertising, the creation and constant generation of feelings which I then follow and make decisions and purchase products that are associated with those good feelings? If I realize that anyone or anything that promises me happiness without ensuring the happiness of all is only doing so in order to create their own version of happiness based on money and that this is what competition and survival in the system is based on? No, I decide what makes me happy - and because I have decided that insanity (although somewhat unavoidable at the moment) is not my preferred way to live into eternity - then I decide that the only valid pursuit is to do what is necessary to create a system that gives to each equally - not from a 'one size fits all' conformity perspective - but from the perspective that each one gets what they require to enjoy life and and participate fully and that if I were to trade places with anyone or anything else in existence - then I would be satisfied that that life is equally valuable and valued and it then wouldn't be necessary to 'pursue my individual happiness' as if there was a such a thing.
And the only way to make the statement that one could be happy even if everyone else is not - is a statement of self-dishonesty - because the very point of being unhappy means that you or someone else would want to become happy - thus you would have other people who are not happy seeing you in your happiness and realizing that you are only happy based on their unhappiness. This would inevitably create conflict and it is exactly what we see in the world on a daily basis where everyone is competing for money, sex, power, emotional energy, resources, everything.
So the only practical way to define happiness in this context is not as a polarity as some have it and some don't (unhappiness) but to define it such that happiness is real when everyone and everything has directed to it at all times what is required and that a system is in place that ensures that this is so and redirects things appropriately when/if an imbalance occurs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a system based on the principle that for one to have another must not have.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if another is enjoying themself then this is a threat to my enjoyment of myself and that I must then work to stop the other's self-enjoyment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate as a partner in an agreement wherein I believe that I must compete with my partner for happiness and that I must defend my happiness at all times, and thus always be on the alert to whether the other partner is considering my happiness or their own.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in relationship wherein I believe that I cannot trust the other partner to consider me best interest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my best interest is separate from that of the other partner in an agreement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my fears of not being happy onto decisions within an agreement wherein I believe that I must argue for my happiness and that all decisions should include a consideration of my happiness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an agreement wherein I cannot accept a decision in which the other partner is allowed to enjoy themself and that I believe that because I do not receive a 'positive feeling' from the decision that I must therefore argue against it and only accept decisions that provide me with a reward of a good feeling.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money from the perspective of pursuing happiness and good feelings and to thus purchase things that I believe will assist and support me to generate good feelings and to thus contribute to and participate in a system that forces others through unequal money distribution to work as slaves to create my happiness machines and products.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inner conflict towards making a decision to spend money for someone other than myself to enjoy themself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as a tool of self-interest only and to thus give permission for both sides of the polarity in which I, when i have access to it, am able to use money for my own self-interest, and to suffer when I don't have access to money due to others blindly pursuing their own self-interest through money and thus fueling and perpetuation the inequality within the money system.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be able to trust the other partner in an agreement with a decision because I have in the past made decisions based on self-interest and thus I immediately believe that I have to compete against the other partner as another self-interest based system.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when their is nothing to gain from the perspective of happiness or self-interest, then there is nothing to lose, and that by particpating in the pursuit of happiness and self-interest, I am setting myself up to experience losing.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by participating in my own self-interest and pursuit of happiness, that I am ignoring the suffering of all those who suffer in this physical reality and that I am also contributing to their suffering through my participation in the very system that causes that suffering fueled by my pursuit of happiness and self-interest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what I was told in school growing up that everyone has a right to happiness and that therefore whatever I do towards pursuing that happiness is always right.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question the statement that all people are born with the right to pursue happiness when clearly the majority in this world are never in a position to even consider happiness due to only constantly having to fight for survival.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to let go of the fear of someone else experiencing enjoyment and that this might cause me to suffer.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the lie of this world that either I enjoy my life and everyone else suffers or I must suffer while someone else enjoys life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to daily live the statement that if I am not enjoying myself then no one else should either.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequences within both my physical body and within the physical world by not considering that there is more to life than my little bubble of self-interest and 'happiness' and that I have not even taken the time to find out what is really going on in the world and what others are going through and that the 'problems' I experience and allow myself to believe I have are not necessary and yet will not be solved if I never expand myself to consider the full context of reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge those who resort to crime to either survive or to pursue their own happiness, when I have not considered that the way our system functions, there will necessarily be those who are alienated from the system and thus are not able to make money in normal, lawful ways but must resort to violence and crime to make money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I do not resort to violence or crime to get money that I am better than or more noble than those who do - because in fact participating in the current money system is a crime against life when it contributes directly to the suffering, starvation, wars, and other crimes due to the unequal distribution of money and resources through this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another for making a decision based on self-enjoyment when I have in fact suppressed my own desire to experience happiness and positive feelings and thus I am projecting that desire onto the other person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that another person can make me unhappy - when in fact it my decision to participate in the polarity of happiness/unhappiness that directly causes me to experience unhappiness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is unfair if I go to work to earn money and someone else doesn't and yet they benefit from the money I earned - when in fact I benefit to a tremendously unfair degree from the money system simply by being a white male from America, who has a college education - and thus there are many in this world who work physically far harder than I do and yet who receive only a fraction of the income that I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty that I receive income disproportionately to others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the thought that 'I feel its unfair.' when someone brings up a point within a decision - and that this is a red flag that I am actually basing my decision on my own feelings which is my own pursuit of happiness and self-interest and thus I am not actually standing one and equal to the other person in the decision but instead actually competing with them within starting point of the survival system of my ego.
When I am involved in decision making process with another and the thought comes up that 'I feel it is unfair.' or 'I feel like its unfair' - I stop, I breathe - I express to the other person that I am not in a position at the moment to consider the practical points because I am experiencing feelings towards the point which indicate that I am not considering what is Best for All involved in the decision. I look at the points, in writing if necessary, to clarify what is the point that I am reacting to, I apply self-forgiveness, and I then participate in the decision making process once I am clear from reactions.
When I notice during my day that I am thinking about or otherwise obsessing over a point that is based on a feeling or desire to experience a good feeling or happiness - I stop, I breathe - I clarify for myself in writing what the point of desire is indicating and whether this is a physical practical necessity and therefore whether it is something that is appropriate to spend time considering - if it is not then I let it go - breathing if necessary to release the energy of excitement or desire towards the point.
I commit myself to daily investigate through writing and research what is really going on in this world - what are others actually going through - to assist and support myself to place any desires or feelings that I have in the proper context and to assist and support myself to realize that these desires and pursuits of happiness are not real and not sustainable and that the only real point that is appropriate to focus on is that which brings about a change within this world within the system that is Best for All - thus specifically focusing on my process of writing and blogging - sharing and researching points within the system to understand how the system works and educating myself towards a degree to take a position of authority within the system - and that within this I stop the polarity of happiness/unhappiness and or indulgence/denial - I allow myself to enjoy myself within my activities and therefore I allow myself to let go of the pattern of 'taking time out to pursue a form of happiness' which I realize is a distraction and simply draws me back into participation within the mind and energy.