Andrew's Journey To Life

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Andrew
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Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 16 Apr 2012, 14:25


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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 16 Apr 2012, 14:28


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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 16 Apr 2012, 14:29


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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 17 Apr 2012, 06:14

Day 3 : Responsibility of Me as Words
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... -as-words/

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 21 Sep 2012, 07:08

Cultural Influence On family Values- An Artists Journey To Life: Day 136

http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-136/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘react’ within myself about living at home, not considering that part of my reaction is based on the ‘western’ idea of how one is supposed to live an ideal life from the perspective of that “one is supposed to move out when they come of age” and go out into the world and find a job and live their own life. Though in some cultures many generations live under the same roof and it is not uncommon for families to live together and so within this I see that part of my reaction was/is in relation to the acceptance of the ‘western’ idea of what a supposed “ideal” life is, and thus have proved to myself that I am in fact brainwashed by culture/my environment to tell me what to think and how I have formed my values where in I was reacting within myself to the idea of living at home as I had within the formation of myself formed me and my value and opinion of self worth around this cultural idea that “I must move out when I come of age” because that is what I am supposed to do because that is what people do in the west, and that I not based this assessment on my own practical considerations and observations of what life is really about but just accepted the idea that was given to me by my culture where I never in fact had to “look for myself”

I forgive myself for not realizing that the only reason I was able to move out when I was a young adult was because I had money and the resources to do so that is part of the location that I was born into here in the west where there is enough money for young adults to be able to have their own place, where everyone must “have their own place” as prescribed by consumerism and our culturally accepted and allowed notion of “Successful” which I blindly took on as “my own idea” which was shown in how I had an emotional reaction to “living at home” that happened so automatically which indicates to me that I had been forming and creating and building this idea into me over years and years, and thus was in fact Living this idea without even knowing it, thus – Brainwashed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust this feeling within me that I was having in relation to moving back home and living at home, where I accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a failure and unworthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not live on my own and have a place of my own and a successful job and a nice vehicle and that I do this all on my own, that I am a failure.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the experiences I have within myself and hold so dear, and trust to be real, was formed in relation to money/the money system and that if there was an equal money system and all was provided equally what I believe to be tried tested and true may change and something like living with family would become something unlike the expectation that I formulated based on my cultural values which in large part where spoon fed to me through Media, Hollywood and PopMusic which is more interested in Fantasy and Imagination than how things actually work and the flow of life actually function in a way where ALL life is supported equally and effectively to grow and express and explore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that ‘something will go wrong” in living with my parents, and closer to family, instead of simply living, and taking it day by day and trusting what is actually practically physically here as the effectiveness of the living environment in Living Proof, not holding onto ideas of how I think things will be.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see for myself how much in fact I was/am a product of my environment and society, yet I seem to think I created myself, but that I must question this completely if I did not even see that my experience of myself that I was living/had accepted was based on an “idea” of “how families are supposed to interact” where the young adults are “supposed” to move out eventually and find their own way in the system, yet, there are millions who in fact live in closer social groupings of generations of families, due to their circumstances and that there is nothing “abnormal” or “strange” and so this showing that these ideas I had accepted about family were simply definitions I had adapted from my culture, proving that I am not an original unique being and am really thinking for myself but shows that I just accepted the closest idea that was presented to me in my environment and the culture that was at my door step which I then went ahead and formed my morality of what is right and what is wrong and what is bad and what is good where this morality is in fact different on the other side of the world where in this also proving how humanity as a whole is completely lost as a Species that is able to understand itself as life, because if it did, Morality would be the same across the board, based on the same fundamental principles of Actual Life which we all are equally.



I commit myself to no more accepting and allowing myself to continue participating with/existing within my pre-programmed thoughts, feelings, and emotions, thus definition towards ‘Family’ And so when and as I see a reaction coming up within me in relation to my family I stop myself and do not go into the reaction or participate in the reaction by delving into it, but rather breathe and remain here in the moment not accepting and allowing myself to go into the “energetic reactions” I have pre-programmed into me around and in relation to the point of family. I commit myself to Re-Align myself to Equality and Oneness as the Principle of My Expression and Participation and no more accept the accepted and allowed pre-programmed definition of “Family” that I had established within and as myself throughout my life.

I commit myself to assist and support myself within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application investigate the reoccurring reactions that I have in relation to living at home from the perspective of the reactions that I am not able to just simply stop, but that continue to come up each day, and to within exploring these points, remind myself that the emotional reactions that I am experiencing was in fact pre-programmed into me as the ideas I have accepted about who I am and how I am supposed to live and to also within this utilize focusing on THE ACTUAL PRACTICAL EFFECTIVENESS of my situation, and thus not accepting and allowing my IDEAS as the emotional reactions as feelings and emotions get in the way, influence and direct me in the assessment and decisions I make on how to apply and direct myself in relation to my current environment, and to thus base my Direction on the practical effectiveness and physical feedback that come from my daily living

I realize that there are various different ways one is able to Live in an effective way and assist and support the brining forth of a world that is best for all, from the perspective of where one must assess their “In fact” practical environment and the resources they have available to them and thus to move/direct self according to such resources .

I also realize that I had ‘Ideas’ about myself in relation to how I thought my life would go, and that in moving back home, I did not plan for this and that this did not match the preconceived ideas I had constructed within my mind of what my life would be like. I also see that these Ideas where not real, and that in by holding on to such ideas I am limiting myself by not accepting and allowing myself to “see what is really here” and “to see what is right in front of me” and to within letting go of such ideas, Live HERE effectively embracing the points that is HERE, instead of running from them because they do not match the ideas that I had created within myself as the picture in my mind of how I THOUGHT my life would be like and unfold.

I commit myself to embrace the life that is HERE as my Physical Environment instead of averting myself from what is really here due to still holding onto and participating with thoughts in my mind about what I believed /constructed my life to be like.

I commit myself to allowing myself to Re-Live my Life from the perspective of realizing that I must do this from the starting point of equality and oneness and in this nothing will be the same and so I must allow myself to learn how to do this and at the same time, letting go of all the ideas, expectations, memories, that I created while living from the starting point of “Me First” which was the directive impulsed into me before birth through a society that had already formed around this credo and thus everything I was and lived was based on this “Me First” and so therefore I am not able to trust any of my ideas and expectations of “how things will go” this time around, as I have not reference point because the the reference that was my life was completely a result of self interest and so thus must allow myself to walk here in breath allowing me to re-live and re-form My Life over again, this time from the starting point of Equality and Oneness.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 22 Sep 2012, 07:14

Manipulating Reality Through Positive and Negative Viewpoints - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 137
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-137/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require motivation from others as praise to move myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to become my own motivation where in this, my movement and self direction is never influenced or determined by external forces such as praise, where when the praise is no longer there I find it difficult to move myself implying that I had not really understood the starting point of my actions and stood as that absolute understanding and directive principle of my movement / direction because if I had, I would simply remain constant within my actions whether receiving praise or encouragement or not.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I respond to “positive praise or encouragement” where in this I must investigate in self honesty why I take certain actions and that if those actions are done in absolute understanding of why I am directing myself in a way or will I do something simply because I am encouraged and praised within that point, where in thus I have determined “It must be a good idea”

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to remain constant and stable within receiving feedback whether positive or negative – constant and stable from the perspective of remaining here within breath and focusing on the practical feedback that is related to reality not getting caught up in the exaggerated responses of positive or negative feedback that is detached from actual physical reality and not gone into the realm of the mind where one end up influencing others to accept an imaginary reality instead of sticking to the real reality.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become excited when someone praise what I do and then once again feel motivated to direct myself within that particular way/direction, instead of me focusing on the point of investigating how to become the starting point of my own motivation where this motivation is never influenced by an outside source but that it is constant and consistent as the expression of me.

I commit myself to practice breathing daily from the perspective of being aware of my breath and breathing and within this directing myself physically and practically within my environment equally in every moment and stopping using or requiring energy to determine how I move and when I move and why I move. Which end up causing a fluctuation in my movements as Energy is always fluctuating and so in by linking my Self Movement to the Motivation of Energy and “How I Feel” Each moment is different, and so thus I commit myself to assist and support myself to Equalize Every Moment within my Day where I treat each moment the same and accordingly am able to Direct Myself one and the same in each and every moment, thus “taking the energy out” and simply sticking to consistency where I move at a natural pace using a normal relaxed breathing in and out as a baseline for my self movement in each moment.

When and as I see myself “getting excited” due to someone praising me and my actions, I in that moment breathe and remain here and grounded with both feet on the ground in where I will Stand Here and Stable in and as the Physical and ensure that I am still “seeing actual reality” and what must be done, and not now seeing a different reality that becomes activated in participate in the excitement of the praise where suddenly I see my actions in a completely different light due to having now become that heightened energetic experience of excitement that was issued to me through someone else “praising me” as “positive feedback” where in such feedback was based on “law of Attraction” as the point of imposing a negative or positive viewpoint onto reality instead of simply seeing reality for what it is.

I commit myself to Align myself with always seeing reality for what it is and to thus assist and support myself with writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to identify when ever I am placing a positive or negative viewpoint on reality which is then not Seeing what is REAL as reality but more imposing onto reality making it either positive or negative where in doing this distorting the truth and manipulating myself instead of supporting me to always see what is really actually HERE and working with that, and learning how to become effective with that, where no positive or negative viewpoint is required. Just actual seeing and then expressing myself to direct me within reality in a way that is best for all and is always in support of Life, to create a practical world where all have access to the resources of the earth Equally and so ALL have an equal opportunity to develop and express as Life Forms.



I realize that I am able to accept the compliment but that a Key for me is to not go into the energetic experience in relation to the praise, where I “step into an energetic state” and then end up relating this energetic state to my actions that I am being praised for. Instead I remain Clear within myself with regards to how to effectively assist and support myself to direct myself, which is in a constant and consistent manner in and as breath where my attention and awareness is ALWAYS on what is really here and not getting caught up in exaggerated distortions of what is really here through either negative or positive projection.

I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to practice energy free movement, where in I direct and move me based on a practical consideration and/or plan which I follow through with and to within this stop basing my actions/directions in energy where for instance I will not follow through with a practical point that I see requires direction because I do not have the necessary energetic stimulation to do so and thus I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself Daily with writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to Align myself the physical where I simply move in the physical and step out of “Energy” where I am accepting and allowing myself to be moved and directed and influenced by Energetic Reactions where this becomes the foundation of my movements and expression throughout my day instead of this being the Stillness of the Physical when stop participating in Energy/Experience and just being here in and as the Physical.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 23 Sep 2012, 06:49

Fearing the Moment When I Sit Down To Write - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 138
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-139/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “go into” a reactive state when ever I am getting ready or now deciding to sit down and write my daily blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, throughout my day, worry about “what I will write in my daily blog” when the time comes for me to sit down and write my blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that moment I sit down to write my daily blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear “that moment” when I sit down to write my daily blog where in I am actually fearing the experience I have created within myself towards the point of that moment of when I sit down to write my daily blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety when I write, or when I sit down to write my daily blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety within participating in back-chat where I will think and question within me

“what will I write”

“Will I be able to find a/the point”

“Will I mess up and end up getting upset and frustrated with myself

“I hope this goes well”

“I hope it goes smoothly this time”

And also here to throughout my day participate with such back-chat and other back-chat of this nature with regards to when that moment finally arrive where I sit down and write my daily blog, and thus to through-out my day create an experience of anxiety and anticipation within myself as I move closer and closer to that moment where by the time I finally reach the moment when I will write, I am experiencing allot of tension and stress within me due to having constantly been thinking about the moment of when I would sit down and write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into participate within an experience of anxiety when I write, instead of slowing myself down and being here with myself where in I breathe and Slow down when I am writing to assist myself to “take my time” with my blog and allow myself to slow myself and breathe and see the points I am working on, instead of ending up having my blog be a product of a reactive state of self that I created throughout my day in continuously allowing myself to “think about my blog” where I would go into anxiety and fear literally in the middle of the day in relation to a single thought within thinking about what I will write for my daily blog here I participate in such backchat as “what if I can’t think of anything”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define writing my daily blog as a nuisance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define writing my daily blog as a nuisance due to the length of time it takes and also because of the experience I have within and as me when I write my blog, and so I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to support me in stabilizing myself when I sit down to write my daily blog, so that I am not going into “states of anxiety” which I create as me within accepting and allowing myself to “backchat” and worry and think about not only the “what will I write” but also the experience of myself within writing where in I am actually fearing facing that experience of me being frustrated within the writing process, and so in projecting that I will/may end up going into this experience of frustration actually start to create more resistance and tension and stress in relation to the point of writing and so thus as I move closer to that moment the anticipation build but that the anticipation is actually anxiety and stress, instead of realizing that my experience of should not change when I move through different tasks within my day but that I should simply be here as breath where I am stable and constant within my expression and self presence and pace as I move through each task I have including writing, and so thus this shows me that I have created and constructed a specific experience around and that I have connected to the process of writing as that moment when I sit down to actually write my daily blog.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to throughout my day notice/identify the moments within my day where I will have a thought about writing my blog, and to within this check to see if any experience /reaction comes up within me and if I see reactions come up assist and support myself to remain here and not “going into” in the mind and participating/fuelling such experiences and so also in such moments look at / investigate and identify the particular reaction/experience and in this and within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application assist and support myself to deconstruct and become aware of what these reactions and experiences are linked to and thus to assist and support myself to find practical solutions to bring myself back to here so that I am not without my knowing it creating a future experience for me to walk into as the experience of anxiety and frustration that I see I am actually creating even when I am not even writing but only thinking about it.

I see, realize, and understand that sitting down to write does not have to be a point where I am filled with anxiety and that the experience of anxiety I have often experienced and also feared facing is related to actually creating this and fuelling this throughout my day where I will accept experiences of fear and anxiety to come within me without me actually investigating how and why I have created such a fear/anxiety point in relation to writing where this is then Me Influencing Me where I will instead of investigate the fear/anxiety in the moment it comes up in relation to that future moment when I will be sitting down in the evening to write my daily blog, I will suppress it and push it aside which only support in building up anxiety about the moment and thus more fear and thus more suppression not wanting to face that moment/fear and end up frustrated or caught up in some emotional reaction which in itself I fear, but in not effectively/practically investigating how I create that emotional state but just suppressing the fear when it comes up, I am instead more creating that emotional state.

I commit myself to realize that I do not have to go into an emotional state every-time I write. I see, realize and understand that I am able to assist and support myself to stabilize myself within my writing process so that it actually become a more enjoyable process and that I “get more” out of it from the perspective of allowing myself to be Here in and as Self Presence and Self Patience as I walk through a point and thus am more able to support myself and develop clarity which does not happen when my daily blog becomes a “nuisance” or something I just want to go over with or trying to run from and so

I commit myself to assist and support myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self correction and practical self investigation into and on the point of how I am creating my overall experience of myself within writing my daily blog, assist and support myself to transform Myself within writing from being an emotional, anxious, nervous, rushing Self, to being Here, Stable in and as breath the entire process of writing where I slow myself down so that I can actually follow my fingers on the keyboard equal and one instead of getting ahead of myself which I see is another point of when the mind takes over and so thus breathe and be patient with me as I slow myself down and write my blog so to support me to stop my pattern of becoming emotionally possessed leading up to and when I finally decide to sit down and write my daily blog.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 24 Sep 2012, 07:08

The Battle of the MIN(e)D - An Artists Journey To Life" day 139
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-139/

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react to a statement that ‘x’ made, where then I challenged the statement with a different viewpoint but was doing it from the starting point of a reaction/experience/movement within me because if I was not in reaction I would have no ‘need’ to respond/react to the statement where in this particular case there was this kind of pulling and “hooking on” where “I just had to say something” instead of me simply being here with no movement towards or away from such a statement and then being able to speak clearly my perspective where it is not done as a reaction.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go “back and forth” in debating a viewpoint where this is done in reaction as a point to ‘win’ over the other simply for the sake of ‘winning’ where it ends up having nothing at all to do with the actual point being discussed but simply the point of winning.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to after the fact think about the ‘argument’ / ‘conversation’ had and further react within myself where I would then go into a point of imagination where I was imagining what ‘x’ was also thinking and where I was imagining ‘x’ being mad and angry and upset and generating anger within themselves which I then ended up fuelling my own reaction and experience within me basing this fuelling and generating of my own reaction/experience on a ‘imagination’ of what I had though up within my mind of what ‘x’ was experiencing after the fact but that I don’t know if this was actually the case at all, but was simply a picture/imagining that I was fuelling within my own mind based on other past experiences that I had that in themselves could have just as easily been established in this same manner where I was just imagining/projecting onto the other being thinking that they were for instance getting angry but that this was just my own imagining of this and so thus not really based on real time feedback, and then so go layering the perfect image/memory within me that comes up within my mind of ‘x’ acting in a very particular way that I have come to trust but have not in fact verified for myself with actual practical physical communication with ‘x’ but in this case was just an image that I accepted as truth and then begun to fuel the image based on assumption and then reacting to that image, creating anger and frustration within myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to further react to the previous conversation I had with ‘x’ instead of simply letting it go and being Here in and as the physical with and as my physical breath.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to continue to fuel an previous argument I had with ‘x’ after the fact, where afterwards I when I was standing in the kitchen I started to think about ‘x’ and how ‘x’ was reacting to or “taking” the argument after the fact, and based on how perceived ‘x’ to be “taking it” started to react more because I perceived ‘x’ to be angry with me which I was further reacting to.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to try and subdue ‘x’s’ reaction through trying to win the argument and have ‘x’ agree with me because I believed that that is how the point or friction that came up within /as the argument would be resolved.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react to my own belief that ‘x’ would not be able to let the point go, because within this I believed that ‘x’ was still fuelling the point and in this projecting anger onto me, and so in thinking about this in my mind of what I thought was going on/ would be going on with ‘x’ after the fact in him still thinking about the argument and thus still “trying to win” and within themselves generating anger and projecting it onto me, I then became angry with ‘x’ where within myself speaking the backchat

“how could you”

“what an asshole”

In relation to the anger I perceived ‘x’ to be generating within themself and projecting onto me which “I cannot take”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “not be able to take” the idea of someone wrongly accusing me for something and holding/having an idea within themselves about me that was not correct and in believing in that idea about me that was/is not correct generating anger and then blaming me and projecting that anger onto me which was generated in relation to a wrongly assumed idea about me. Where in this I have accepted and allowed myself to “not be able to take it” and just “want it to stop” and thus want to find them and continue the conversation/debate/argument because “I cannot handle” then having a false idea about me, particularly when this idea is creating friction and possible anger that would be projected onto me because I am still taking that anger personally and reacting to it, instead of understanding where if came from and that is “not my fault” or “because of me” that another would created anger within themselves towards me but is more of just a reaction/point within me of “me not being able to handle” someone creating and then projecting anger onto me based on perceptions in their mind that they have created about me that are not true.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react when ever someone is angry where I just feel responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to respect other people’s anger where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “They have a Right to be angry” which is implying that “they are right/correct” in their anger and that “they have good reason to be anger” instead of realizing that there is never a “good reason” to be angry.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to cower in relation to anger, where in if someone is angry or projecting anger I feel responsible in some way and so “try not to do anything to trigger their anger” in this not realizing that I have taken this beyond the point of “practical consideration” from the perspective of where I will actually take on a submissive state and go into self suppression from the perspective of reacting to their anger instead of simply being HERE and Stable and Clear within myself and not going into an experiential reaction in relation to their anger where I take on a submissive personality, instead of just keeping it practical and assessing their “Mind State” so that I am able to see where the might react to me in something that I am able to avoid for a moment simply as a point of assisting and supporting the other being to come out of that Mind State instead of unnecessarily doing things that will just enhance the “Mind State” of the being where for instance the are possessed with anger. And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take other peoples anger personally, particularly if they are “projecting towards me” instead of SEEING what is really going on that I being is for a moment trapped/possessed by their own Mind as Anger and so there is no need for me to React to it in taking it personally but to rather remain here, stable and clear, breathing and no matter what supporting myself to not take the point personally.

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Andrew
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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 25 Sep 2012, 04:55

The Battle of the MIN(e)D (Self Corrections) - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 140
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-140/

This is a continuation of the previous Blog Post - Battle of the MIN(e)D SF – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 139

I commit myself to before I speak to another check within myself to ensure that my words are not coming forth from a reaction I am having, and also within this “checking” ensure that what I am going to speak is in fact Deliberate and Specific and not just something I am blurting out without any awareness of the consequence that may ensure within speaking without awareness. I in that moment will myself to simply remain silent within such a point to assist and support myself to take responsibility for my words/communication/expression so this is not something that is happening in and as reactions to others but that is something that is Self Directive and Deliberate and so in this assist and support myself to change the starting point of my communication from The Mind as Reaction to Self as a Deliberate Expression of Me that I DECIDE to express in Self Awareness.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself participating in a reactive conversation argument point with another, simply immediately stop myself from continuing any further where in I simply end the conversation from the perspective of stopping myself from participating in reactive behaviour on my part as I see, realize, understand that this is in no way supportive to any being but just fuelling The Minds/Egos of both beings essentially perpetuating beings as Egos instead of assisting and supporting the process of Getting Back to Earth and Getting back to HERE within and as Eqaulity and Oneness with each other and ALL.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to when and as I stop myself from participating/furthering an argument that I started having with someone, to when I stop and walk away or eventually find myself alone with me, to be aware of the tendency I have to go into my mind and start having inner conversations with the being in my own mind, so that within being aware of this tendency I have, I can Support myself to actually effectively STOP, when I Stop and not end up actually continuing the reactions later on within going into my mind and continuing the argument/conversation within myself within my own mind. And so in recognizing this tendency within me I commit myself to stopping my inner conversations that I have come up within me later on after I walk away from an argument or disagreement that I have had with someone. I can also here assist and support myself to when I see that I am still having reactions coming up within me as for instance the want/need/movement towards arguing with someone within my own mind after the fact, I can assist and support myself to sit down with myself and do practical self investigation into the point within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application so to get to the source of the reaction and take responsibility for my reactions and what goes on inside me.

I commit myself to assert myself as self will to remain here in and as breathing throughout my day and to when I noticed a point reoccurring and coming up within me such as some argument or conversation that I am pre-occupied with and continuing to place my attention on, I can utilize that point as a indication of where I require to actually sit down with myself and investigate why I am so pre-occupied with that point and so with the combination of Asserting and Willing Myself to Be Here in and as Breath/Breathing with and as my physical human body and the physical as well as Sitting down applying writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application, assist and support myself to stop all reactions within me and thus essentially stopping the mind as the automated responses that come up wtihin me and in fact control and possess me, and so in this re-gain my Self Responsibility I have as Me and thus be able to in fact be the Directive Principle of Me instead of Allowing my Pre-Programmed Mind to be this in my place.

I commit myself to stop and pull myself out of the mind and bring me to back here when ever I see myself starting to, or catch myself ‘indulging’ within my mind in relation to where I will go quite far/deep into conversations within my mind where I will start going back and forth with a being in my mind, as I se that this only “make things worse” and is in not way a practical support point to in fact Stabilize Myself.

I commit myself to stop attempting to and trying to change others peoples reactions, but realize that I First must take responsibility for myself and my own reactions, and thus I also commit myself to realize, see, and understand how when I am wanting to change someone else’s reaction of themselves that it is because I am in fact Reacting to Their Reaction, and so I commit myself to when and as I see myself wanting to change someones reactions and wanting them/their reaction to be a certain way I can investigate within myself – What is it about their reaction that I am reacting to and thus within this assist and support myself to sort out my own reactions to their reactions so that I am be stable and Not Reactive in relation to Any Kind of Reaction/Mood that might come up within another.

I commit myself to show myself that I am able to take responsibility for the experiencing within myself of “not being able to take it” as the experience that comes up within me in thinking about ‘x’ having a particular specific experience about me, because I just want everything to be nice and joyful where there is never any conflict and so I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application become stable and comfortable within and as myself in any circumstance from the perspective of being able to simply be here and stable within myself where this is not dependant on other peoples reactions or experiences they are having within themselves.

I see, realize, and understand that an aspect of this particular event/situation is the point of “not wanting someone to be mad or angry with me” and is thus a preference for “everything going smoothly” instead of “things going bumpy where there is friction”

NOTE 1: Look at my perceptions and ideas I have about when “things go bumpy and there is friction like for example – Do I feel like I have made a mistake. Do I feel that if things do not go smoothly that something is wrong. Look at how I have formed an idea that things are “Supposed” to go smoothly every time and if they do not then “something is wrong”. And so also look at the definition I have formed around the word “Wrong” What does it mean to me when “I am Wrong” is being “Wrong Bad”, Why do I feel that if things “go bumpy and there is friction” that I am at fault. Why am I “not able to handle friction” Am I sensitive to friction. Why I am not Stable when friction comes up. Look at what I believe within myself in relation to what it means when there is friction and how does this affect who I am.

NOTE 2: Look at the experience the other day when I felt that “Y” was thinking I was cruel – This is a situation where someone was forming a specific opinion perception about me that “I did not want them to think was true or have about me”. This is different from what occurred with my “argument” with “X” from the perspective of the “opinion” ‘X’ formed about me with regards to the reaction I was having. My reaction to “X” was more based in my own Anger that was fuelling how I was participating and “moving to find a ‘solution’” where with “Y” I was not angry at the “perceived definition” that was formed about me from ‘Y’.

NOTE3: Here I can look at the point of perceiving ‘X’s reaction to be My Fault, to be something that I had done to cause the reaction or his experience and also how I feared/believed that X was also seeing me as the reason and cause for the anger. Within this I can also look at the point of my Experience of Powerlessness within/in relation to Anger, where I feel/experience me so weak, and unable to Protect myself against others anger. Also here there is how I have Defined “X” as an authority figure and so how this relates to “who’s at fault” because within the context of how I have defined an Authority figure, I more place myself as the submissive one where the Authority figure is ‘always right’

I commit myself to investigate within myself where I still accept and allow myself to justify my own Anger as well as the other Emotions and Feelings within me and thus to see, realize, and understand how it is that I am justifying my own participation in Feelings and Emotions / Energies where in for instance I am not in one breath stopping them and no participating within them at all, because in self honesty if I look at myself, I see that I within myself still accept and allow myself to justify me participating within certain energies/emotions and feelings within myself.

I commit myself to investigate what excuses, and acceptances and allowances I must participate within myself to justify my stepping into a reaction/ or stepping into a particular character as for instance the “Taking it Personal” Character that I have designed within and as myself that I see, realize, and understand I must in fact utilize an Excuse to ALLOW myself to step into this character/ for this character to take me over as a mind state which I see, realize, and understand is not different from a being who accepts and allows themselves to become possessed by an “Exerting Anger Character” In my case it is simply a different Energetic Experience that I am accepting and allowing myself to become possessed by.

NOTES: Here I am able to investigate the specific Character that I created in this moment that “goes into a reactive state” when ever someone gets angry at me. I see that as this Character I am going into a point of ‘blame’ where I am in fact blaming the other being for reacting or projecting a reaction towards me, instead of taking responsibility for myself.

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Andrew
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:32

Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Postby Andrew » 26 Sep 2012, 06:09

Giving Up/In Character - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 141
http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-day-141/

The Character I am going to have a look at today is The “Giving Up/In” Character. I see that I utilize this character in various situations/contexts. Giving Up in relation to Life. Giving Up in relation some application that I have committed myself to doing. Giving up on not allowing myself to go into Depression, which is a state I will enter into within giving up. Today this point of “Giving Up” came up in relation to Depression where I could see that experience of depression just sitting there like a puddle waiting for me to sink down into it and just give up and give in on Directing myself within my day. Today I did not Give in to the experience of depression but directing myself to apply myself within the points that I had to do today. And so the within this I could see that depression is like a choice that exist for me to go into. And I do this when I allow myself to Give Up and Give in, and just don’t feeling like doing anything anymore – So here I am going to open up/look at the “Giving Up/In” Character and how this ‘affect’ myself and my life, looking at where in my world/Myself am I allowing myself to “Give-Up” and what all happens within me that goes into that Decision to “Give-Up/In”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up/in on things easily.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up/in on/to things so easily that I didn’t even realize that I was making the decision within myself to give up/in on something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that giving up/.in is an inevitability.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go directly to the point of giving up/in on something if there is any kind of frictions or resistance or things are not going perfectly and or easily where If this occur I have accepted and allowed myself to define this as a sign that “I will fail” which is actually just the point of where I will make the decision to Give Up/In.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that failure is the outflow of Giving Up/In where if I had not given up/in on a point there would be no failure, as failure is the point I reach when I give up/in on something deciding “I cannot do it”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk myself into giving up/in. Doing this in my backchat, speaking such back-chat as “I cannot do it” “I will never see it through” “I will never get this point” “There is no way I can do this” “I will fail” “Failure is inevitable and just as matter of time” “I will fail”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the back-chat within my mind that I utilize to talk myself into “giving up/in”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose hope in my self quickly and when this occur, I immediately go into the point of giving up/in.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘react’/’respond’ to feelings/emotions within me that is accompanied by backchat to support that feeling/emotion as being a “sign” of failure but which is I see a point/points I have used to move myself into making the decision to “Give Up/In”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so used to Giving Up/In that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this will be the most likely course of action that will take place, and so in a way have lost all directive principle of myself to in fact Direct Myself because I have abdicated my Self Directive Ability to a pattern of Giving Up/In that is automated and I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly run this program in my myself/my daily life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the thoughts, feelings and emotions that comprise my pattern of giving up/in as my Giving Up/In Character that I live out, that consist of all the various dimensions of this point of Giving up/in in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe Memories are Stronger than me and that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I have accepted and allowed myself to live out this process of giving up/in so many times over and over that I have now accumulated “to strong of memories” in doing this that I am not able to overcome, and stop within the point of Assisting and Supporting myself to STOP Living Out – Participating within my Giving Up/In Character which has become rampant within my world being one of the primary Characters I Live/Have lived within my Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself into making the Decision to Give up/in by thinking about “How I have failed so many times” where this then becomes a point of Disempowerment of myself as specific back-chat I speak that is accompanied by a feeling of powerlessness which I participate in, in and as the process of making the decision in and as my Giving Up/In Character to Give up/in within myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to give up/give in because I Believe I will not be able to do it where in I will look into the future and feel and believe that I will not be able to do it/sustain it where in I have accepted and allowed myself to believe “things will just end up like they always do”, which I see realize and understand is a point of back-chat within and as my Giving up/in Character that I use to justify giving up/in on myself and “not even bother”.
To Be Continued.


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