Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Place your Blogs Here
User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1266
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 14 Apr 2013, 20:48

Day 1: Negativity
http://viktorpersson.com/2013/04/day-1-negativity/

Problem

Have you ever asked yourself why everyone seems to be striving for positivity? I mean – this point of positivity is mentioned everywhere – and you just need to go outside to be swarmed with messages that promote positivity. For example – take a look at commercials – bright shining images portraying the SUN – or GIRLS having FUN – LAUGHING – or – this shampoo is SO GOOD it made my day COMPLETE – in commercials it’s really evident that intention of it is to have the receiver experience some form of positive experience – and then decide to go and buy the product to materialize this positive experience.

The answer to why positivity is such a big – big thing is because – the main experience of each human being – and the current state of the world – exists as NEGATIVITY – major negativity.

Look at your day – it begins in negatively because – you’ve to get out of your bed – and – ugh – go to work! Or – ugh – take care of your responsibilities! And then – you come home from work – and ugh – you’re bored – what should you do? You want to do something that is fun – but there is nothing fun to do – and there is nothing on television – and hey – the conclusion is that this day wasn’t very fun – and so – the human being (you/us/we) go look for positivity in the form of entertainment – as consumerism – because the main experience of the human being is negativity.

Looking at the state of the world it’s obvious that NEGATIVITY rules – there are 3 billion people going starving to bed each night – there is massive unemployment – there are rapists, murders, and pedophiles – there are gang wars – there are sicknesses, there are diseases, there are terrible injuries, there is corruption – deception – fraud – lies – there is inequality – there is unfairness – there is old age – there are orphans – there are MASSIVE amounts of people suffering on a daily basis – all of them experiencing the negativity that this world have become and exists as.

Solution

So – what is then the solution? Well – what first must be seen, realized, and understood is the positivity is not a solution – positivity is like a drug that is induced – and then it takes away the negativity for a while – consider for example looking at a movie – this makes you feel okay for an hour, or two – but then – shit! – I am back into reality!

And also – another drug is buying new things – for example – buying clothes – this also makes some people feel happy and alive for a moment – but some days after their latest purchase – oh my god! This negativity is coming back!

What is this negativity then? And how to deal with it? Well – negativity is CONSEQUENCE – it’s our accepted and allowed living over an extended period of time – wherein we’ve taken no self-responsibility – and we’ve simply let things slide – and this has resulted into an experience of ourselves, and a state of this world – that is severely diminished and dysfunctional – in-fact it’s in such a condition that we attempt to use various techniques, and behaviors to escape having to see – and face what is here in this world as ourselves – as NEGATIVITY.

Thus – the solution is to FORGIVE OURSELVES – to let the negativity go – to release ourselves from the burden of the past – and the burden of our dysfunctional living – to design ourselves and this world a new – not accepting and allowing ourselves to reside in – and accept and allow negativity to become our very nature – as what we exist as – but wherein we instead decide who we are – what we are – what we are going to live for – how we are going to live – and specifically – meticulously – design ourselves as the best we can be – and this world alike.

Reward

The reward for changing ourselves – from negativity – to life – as oneness and equality – is that we’ll finally be able to be satisfied with ourselves – finally we can stop looking for the next positive high in order to get us feeling somewhat better – and we can instead focus upon that which matters – which is changing this world – and making sure that each human being has a cool life – and that no one ends up in a position wherein they have no ability – or opportunity to support themselves and their bodies.

The reward is a new world wherein we’ll never again have to search for positivity – because positivity will seem limited in comparison to what we create – what we live – and how we’re able decide who we are in each moment of breath – who needs positivity when we instead stand as creators? Were WE decide who we are – and we don’t need a experience of positivity to tell us that – “okay – now you can feel positive” – I mean – we will decide – because we stand equal and one here – as the living word – wherein we design ourselves and the world around us with the words we speak – and live.

Thus – join the process of stopping NEGATIVITY – and begin your journey to life – of birthing yourself from the physical – and standing up to live and be a full human being – that doesn’t need positivity to feel fulfilled.

User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1266
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 18 Apr 2013, 21:27

Day 3: Chaos In My Mind
http://viktorpersson.com/2013/04/day-3- ... n-my-mind/

The last couple of day’s I’ve really been tested by my mind – and this have taken the shape of many severe emotional experiences – and within the processof facing all of these points I’ve made some fascinating observations about myself.So – the first observation that I’ve made is that – when I go into, and face very intense emotional experiences – I will within my mind utilize backchat, and thoughts in order to postpone applying self-forgiveness, and self-corrective statements on the point – usually the backchat will go something like this: “It doesn’t help anyway!” – “Man this insane! And there is nothing I can do about it!” – so the backchat is in nature self-victimizing – and also sometimes blame comes up as I think that my experience has something to do with a external point in my environment – and because of this I am apparently not able to change the point.

This backchat, and the thoughts – when I accept and allow myself to listen to them, and follow them – the result is that I “breath through” my experience – but I don’t bring myself to the point of applying self-forgiveness on the point – and as such I will remain in a state of “breathing through” the experience – which is more a state of being somewhat possessed by a energy yet not completely lost in the energy.

Today I could clearly see how I participated in this type of postponement thoughts – so I took action and started to apply self-forgiveness on the points that were coming up within me – in about 45 minutes I had effectively cleared my experience and I was stable, and silent within me – yet again I’d proven to myself that self-forgiveness is the most fantastic and effective tool – and that it’s only the mind that comes in within these sleek reasons as to why not to utilize self-forgiveness.

This have made me realize that – I really can’t trust ANYTHING that goes on in my mind in terms of saying to me what I should do – and shouldn’t – because what goes on in my mind does not show me how reality functions – I mean – my mind presented this idea that applying self-forgiveness would be of no use – because apparently the point I experienced – the emotions that I went through – they were to intense, and to many – yet still – when I pushed myself to walk through the point – I was able to do so – and bring myself back here into stability of breath.

Thus – it’s important to always remember – and stick to the basics – which is – breath – self-forgiveness – self-corrective applications – and writings – these are the tools of simplicity to DO work – and even though the mind have all sorts of reasons as to apparently why these tools do not work – and I shouldn’t bother applying them – it’s not true – because when I use them – I am able to produce visible results almost immediately.

For anyone having experiencing the same point – my suggestion is to go and apply the self-forgiveness – and do it out loud until the point has been cleared and you’re here yet again – stable and sound – in your body.

I also suggest that you read Arvyadas blog on this point – wherein Arvyadas shares how he’s walked through this point as well – and within this have realized that really – self-forgiveness is a tool that works – but what is required is that we must apply it – and walk it – as it won’t get done by itself.

User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1266
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 21 Apr 2013, 21:54

Day 4: Guarding My Mouth
http://viktorpersson.com/2013/04/day-4- ... -my-mouth/

Recently I’ve walked through some consequences in my world – and within walking through these consequences I’ve had a front row seat to seeing the mechanics of manifesting such consequences – and what I’ve seen is that the reason for these consequences was that I wasn’t careful with the words that I used.

Instead of being careful – I was careless – and I spoke from a starting point of reaction – in the moment of me doing so it felt right, and even though I had that slight voice in the back of my mind saying: “hey, look at what you’re doing – you’re not being clear in what your speaking” – I still spoke – and then obviously – I had to pay to price – which was the consequences that I had to face in my world.

So – the simplistic points that I see I must practice, and perfect – is – to place a guard in front of my mouth – and to not let any bullshit manifest between my lips – I mean – rather – let the bullshit exist in my mind – until I’ve the time to sit down and write it out on a paper, and then apply self-forgiveness – but by the love of god – I will not let myself speak anything of the shit that goes on in my mind – or this is what I set out to perfect – the skill of LOOKING AT WHAT CONSEQUENCES MY WORDS PRODUCE.

It’s really such a simple point – still no one have ever taught me, or shown me this point of taking responsibility for my words – only very recently in my life experience – as I’ve come across Desteni – I’ve been taught that it’s important to look at WHY I am speaking – HOW I am speaking – and to be honest with myself in terms of WHO I am within and as what I am saying.

This type of knowledge should be taught to children as they first learn to speak – that is the time when you suddenly begin to wield the power that words have – because they do really have power – as they do really influence, affect, and have consequences in people’s life’s – not only my own life – but in the life’s of those that I speak to – and then in turn in the life’s of the people that they speak to; this knowledge is simply not shared – and is not in anyway existent in our current education system.

It’s quite fascinating – we as humanity have this image of ourselves as being intellectual and intelligent – apparently the superior species on this planet – and we’ve designed college educations wherein we study “advanced” mathematics – and space traveling – still – no where is the simplicity of taking responsibility for your words being taught – I mean NO-WHERE – isn’t that REALLY fucking fascinating – I mean – what have we really been doing here on this earth all along?

So – because this point of knowledge wasn’t shared with me as a child – I’ve had to go through the tough route of learning it through consequences – it’s not something that I suggest to anyone – but as I said earlier – change is at the moment here – because now there exists educations that do teach the importance of being careful with what you speak – and that is the DIP course, and the DIP-lite course – I’m walking both – and I suggest for anyone reading this to do the same – and within that learn to speak to another – as you’d like to be spoken to yourself – because that is – I’ve realized – the key to stability in my world – and the key to heaven on earth.

User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1266
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 25 Apr 2013, 22:30

Day 5: Slow Down Man
http://viktorpersson.com/2013/04/day-5-slow-down-man/

For some weeks now I’ve been practicing some pieces on the guitar that are particularly difficult – for example: one song that I am practicing is made by Jimi Hendrix – and as most know – he was a very technically distinguished guitar-player – and as such it’s been hard for me to imitate and learn the particular playing techniques.

Though, in walking this process of learning some difficult songs I’ve realized one important point – that I’ve seen is a key in terms of really being able to learn a difficult song – and play it without mistakes and with the same technical mastery as it’s original creator – and this one point is – take it slow.

So – when I am learning a song I am pushing myself to practice, and rehearse the particular section of the song, the particular notes that I am to play – very slow – and in this I am allowing my fingers to become comfortable with the particular technique, and way of playing – and then slowly I am increasing the speed – and putting more effort into practicing the parts that I find especially difficult – slowly but surely building a physical comfortableness towards being able to play the song – fast – and accurate – and at the same time effortless.

Within doing this I’ve made some interesting observations about myself, and about how process functions – and is to be walked. What I’ve seen in terms of myself is that – I’ve had a tendency through out my life to walk points FAST – walk them NOW – get them DONE – here – okay done! Next point! And within this I’ve not allowed myself to learn a particular skill solidly – in really cementing that particular skill in the very cells of my physical body – I’ve not allowed myself to build a steady foundation before I move unto the more advanced stuff.

For example – I could see that how I’ve not done this in relation to my guitar-playing – and accordingly my guitar-playing is generally filled with many small technical mistakes – when I play fast on the guitar I tend to miss notes, and I miss strings with my plectrum – or I hit a wrong note – and that is because I’ve not slowly, but surely practiced my speed – and made sure that I have a solid foundation of having a effective technique on the guitar – before I move on to play faster on the guitar.

Now – in terms of process – I can see how the exact same principle applies here as with the guitar playing – and how I’ve done the exact same thing in relation to process that I’ve done in relation to my guitar playing. Process is best walked SLOWLY wherein – I allow myself to build a foundation, and slowly but surely accumulate knowledge – understanding insight – and how I then form a foundation – and I begin to practice this knowledge in practical living – doing it slowly – being specific – noticing where my technique is not perfect – and then going back to re-establish my foundation – and then slowly but surely perfect my technique.

As a practical example – I notice that I react in fear when I meet a certain individual in my world – I mean – then the slow approach would be to first sit down and write about the point – not react in judgment towards the point – not feel that I “have the correct the point now!” – but instead taking my time in accumulating my understanding, and insight in relation to the point – then – when I have all the information – I apply self-forgiveness – and commitments – and then I walk the correction – and I observe my application – and if there are still reactions – I go back to the drawing board – and I yet again sit down to investigate how it is that I am still holding unto some part of the mind – the key here being to let the process of stopping a particular pattern take the time it requires – to not try to force it – but to walk it through from the foundation – to perfecting my application – and doing that in such a way that I really do get to a state of being perfect in my application.

So – looking at it like this – the process of learning to play guitar – and becoming a excellent guitar player – is the same process as learning to live – and becoming a living expression – as a living and breathing human-being here – what’s important is to walk it slowly – and get the foundation built meticulously and with specificity – and then when the basics are settled – to then start to move myself into the more advanced stuff.

This entire point of taking it slow – and taking my time – and being patient – and walking every moment – this is something that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to give to myself in my process – or in my life in general – instead my life has been like a fucking race to try to get somewhere – and within this I’ve compromised myself – because I’ve not allowed myself to develop a effective foundation – and get to perfect the basics – before I set myself to perfect the advanced.

In looking at where this comes from – I can see that I’ve through-out my life always strived to be the best – and feel like I am the best – and as such I’ve never wanted to settle with only knowing the basics – because I’ve wanted to immediately become more – and get to that place – get ahead – and become more advanced – what I didn’t see was how this type of mentality and attitude really in-fact backfires – because sure – you’ll be able to do the advanced stuff – yet it won’t be particularly good – it won’t be particularly effective – and there will really be more mistakes done – than things being done correctly.

Thus – what I am going to practice giving to myself – and living in my life is – to take things slow – and to walk the basics – and to not stress – force points – and this applies not only to my process – but to everything in my life – from my studies – my guitar playing – in essence any form of process that I am walking wherein I am building a skill – this is where I must take into consideration the fact that I can only go to the advanced – when I’ve a effective understanding of the basics – of the very plain and rudimentary points within the skill that I’ve set myself to learn.

Self-forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress, and attempt, and try to force myself to get ahead – and to develop new skills – and to move faster – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand – that I will move faster – in moving slower – that I will learn and become more effective – when I accept and allow myself to take my time and develop the basics – the very foundation upon which I am going to stand in terms of developing the more advanced aspects of the point that I am walking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to achieve, to learn fast, and to become the best – and the ultimate – as fast as possible – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand how this type of desire, and want is really ego – and how it’s not resulting in my actually moving myself forward – and expanding myself – but is more resulting in my time-looping – and developing a seemingly advanced expression – but it’s really just a paper-tiger – that can be washed away in one moment – because I haven’t established a effective and sound foundation in terms of what it is that I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice walking slowly – walking with patience – being specific and precise – and developing the basics and the foundation with meticulous attention to the details – in accepting allowing myself – to take each point that I am walking to perfection – taking it slowly but surely to perfection – seeing that there is no reason to stress – or try to force a faster movement – because it won’t result in me becoming better anyway – it will only result in me accumulating my own fall at a later stage – wherein I will fall down and crumble because I didn’t effectively establish a sound foundation – and get to develop the basics effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that one of the reasons as to why this world is fucked up – and why there are so many accidents – why there are so many failed human-beings – is because the education system – and the labor system – is set up around money – wherein money demands that the human being moves pressured by time – to produce a particular result during this time – not taking into consideration that a skill can’t develop by a expectation in relation to time – but must develop organically – and in relation to my movement with and as my human physical body – which is not something that can be determined in hours, or minutes – but is something that develops HERE – in the time it takes – which might be a year – or simply some days

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself on a breath, by breath basis – in accepting and allowing myself to not move – and force myself according to time – but to instead move myself with and as my human physical body – in taking into consideration where my human physical is in this breath – and where I am within this breath – and looking at the actuality of what is here – not looking at where I apparently should be – as a expectation formulated by the idea that I should move a particular distance in a particular amount of time – and then trying to enforce this idea through moving myself in hastiness and stress – instead of taking my time – being patient – and moving myself with and as my human physical body here

Self-commitments
When and as I see that am forcing movement – that I am trying to move myself beyond my capabilities without first establish a effective foundation, and learning – mastering the basics – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – I require to master – and get effective within the basics – the elementary – before I move unto more advanced stuff – else the advanced stuff will be crap – because I can’t handle the point; as such I commit myself to be patient with myself – to move myself in equilibrium with and as my capacity in seeing what I am able to handle – and then pushing myself gently forward – in making sure that I get all the points effectively down – before I move to the next point

When and as I seeing that I am forcing myself from a starting point of thinking that “I want to get there! I want to be the best and not only average!” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that I will only ever be able to truly master a point when I allow myself to take it slow – and to walk and perfect the basics – and the naturally develop the advanced stuff – and within this I also see that there is nothing to gain in being the “best” – it’s only an idea that I’ve accumulated and defined myself in relation to – and not something that is actually real; as such I commit myself to slow down – and to see that when I walk it slow – I really in-fact walk it fast – because I won’t have to back when I am at the advanced stuff – and re-build my foundation – because I got the points down during the time I walked through them – because I gave myself the necessary time

User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1266
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 29 Apr 2013, 20:21

Day 6: Leave Me Be – I Am Depressed!
http://viktorpersson.com/2013/04/day-6- ... depressed/

A character that I took note of yesterday was the depression-character – and this is a character that I’ve noticed I am holding unto even though I can clearly seen when it is that I go into this character, or way of being.

depression2I have seen that when I go into the depression character – I become less communicative, I become passive, held back, and I generally feel like everything is a drag – something that I am forced to participate within even though I don’t really want to. What I’ve seen is that I will have within me an awareness that “oh – how quiet I suddenly became, and how strict, and tense I became in my participation – there must be something going on here!” – yet my self-honesty stops there – because there problem is that I am not in that moment saying to myself – “ok – shit – now I’ve gone into the depression character – let’s move myself out of this crap!” – and the physically moving myself out of the state of being through deliberately pushing myself to be physical in the moment – which might include communicating with people, or if I am by myself in my apartment – leaving my apartment to take a walk – or apply self-forgiveness on the point.

The consequences of me existing in this character is something is that not only me – but my entire environment become affected – if I am around people I am able to see this the most clearly. People around me become more silent, introverted, and seemingly fearful of communicating and interacting with me – which is probably because I look pretty down so to speak – and as if I am at the verge of a breakdown, ready to attack any poor soul that dare to disturb me in my moment of grief.

I can also see how this character affects me personally – the consequence of me participating in this character is that I miss out on a lot of opportunities to have fun – to interact and express myself – and I instead up feeling that “everyone else but me is having fun!” – “what about me!” – when it’s really myself that have placed me into the experience of the depression – and it’s me that have decided that apparently I am not capable of moving myself out of the character as I see that I become possessed within it.

The point to apply self-forgiveness upon is thus justifying holding unto the depression character, and also justifying not taking action when it is that I see I enter a specific character – and also clearly see the solution in the moment.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the depression character – and within me seeing that I am going into the depression character – justify why I should remain in the depression character – through thinking that I am not able to change the depression I experience into and as self-expression here – and that this depression character is apparently something that is superior to me that I am not able to do anything about – or change – or direct in anyway what-so-ever – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am able to change my experience of myself as the depression character – and I in-fact see the solution – which is physical self-movement in the moment

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of justifications when I enter the depression character – instead of going into immediate self-application – in changing the character immediately as I see I become this character in my physical living – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how simple it is to change a character in the moment – and that all it takes is a clear decision – and then living that decision into and as the physical – and as such pushing change – bringing forth change through a directive statement of who I am in the moment – and I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that – sure – this takes somewhat more effort than remaining in the character – yet within me pushing myself out from the state of depression – I am in-fact opening up the possibility for myself to enjoy myself and have – which is much better than being stuck in a character – and in always worth the effort

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to endorse the characters coming up within me – and hold unto the characters – thinking that the characters are a part of me – and if I was to let them go – and change them – then this would mean that I also disappear – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that this is merely a justification that I use in order to not have to go through the effort of actually changing myself in a moment – when it is that I see a transcendence point is emerging and coming into my awareness here – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself through the resistance – and see that there is absolutely nothing to fear in letting go of characters – and that what I experience is merely some birth pains that will subside when I am done with the birthing process

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice, and perfect the skill of immediate self-change – wherein I accept and allow myself to in the moment that I notice I go into a particular character – to immediately formulate a directive statement within me as to who I am – and how I am going to live in that moment – and what will be my expression in that moment – and as such immediately change myself from existing as a limited energy junky – as a character – into living within oneness and equality with my human physical body here

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel, think and believe that characters are superior to me – and utilize this feeling, these thoughts, and these beliefs – in order to create an experience within me that I am really inferior to the characters coming up within me as conglomerations of thoughts, feelings, emotions, pictures, memories, and other mind components – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am really in-fact – deliberately – inducing this state of feeling and experiencing myself as less than within myself – so that I can have something to blame – so that I do not have to change myself in-fact

6. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize energy, and experiences to make myself inferior to the thoughts coming up within me mind – and to the physical characters that activate as I move through my day – and believe that this experience of inferiority is real – is relevant – and that is a point that I should honor within and as my participation and movement of myself within and as this world – not seeing, realizing and understanding that this experience of inferiority is in-fact a lie – a lie that I use in order to keep myself stuck in my mind – in fear of coming out into the physical and really living – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not get out in the physical to really live – to see that there is nothing to fear about letting go of the mind – I mean – sure it’s a new experience to live here with the physical – but it is in itself absolutely nothing to fear – it’s merely a new experience – and a new way of living – as such something that could be fun – and enjoyable to investigate if I simply accepted and allow myself to live that enjoyment

7. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be strict, and disciplined with myself – in terms of pushing myself to participate here within and as breath – and to utilize each moment as a opportunity for change – and not use a moment as a opportunity to remain stuck in cycles of past moments – as points that I’ve made to be memories within me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that – it’s simply a point to practice – to change myself here immediately – and to see each moment as a opportunity for change – and that it’s not something to fear – not something to live up to – and to something to resist – it’s merely a point of change that is lived here – one decision – and then it’s done

8. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the resistance I experience towards changing myself – is in-fact fear – fear of becoming real – fear of being real in this world – and reality – and fear of getting out of my mind to face in real time the shit that I’ve accepted and allowed to exist here – and to really see – understand – the mess that I’ve placed myself into – and the severity of the situation – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that really – it’s nothing to fear – because whether I avoid seeing what is here or not – the shit is still here – thus – it’s for more effective to simply decide to get out of my mind – to then apply that point – get out of my mind – and get back here – and start walking through the shit that I’ve manifested and created in this world – and then be done with it – instead of hiding in resistance – and fear – which really does nothing at all but postpone the inevitable of facing the consequences that I’ve accumulated here

Self-commitments

1. When and as I see that I am justifying why I should remain in the depression character – through thinking that I am not able to change the depression I experience into and as self-expression – here – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – this is me lying to myself so I won’t have to change – which is really stupid – because changing myself is far more better than remaining as a mind – secluded and limited to only exist within and as energy constructs of the mind; as such I commit myself to stop justifying not changing myself – and immediately commence to take action – through physical self-movement here – doing what is I see is required to get me back here

2. When and as I see that I do not go into immediate self-application as I notice that I go into the depression character – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – hey – this depression character really isn’t fun to exist, and live as – really – it sucks, it’s boring, it’s uncomfortable – and I already know exactly where the road ends – as such I commit myself to act – and push myself to live immediate self-correction as I see that I go into a point that is compromising for myself or another

3. When and as I see that I am using fear – as the fear of loosing myself – to hold unto characters of the mind and justify why I do not change myself; I immediately stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – sure it will take effort to change myself – but it’s gotdamn worth it! I mean – I’ve already proven this to myself countless of times in regards to the points of my living that I’ve already changed; as such I commit myself to stop postponing change through going into fear – and then only when I’ve seen that the fear is not real – to then change – but to immediately go to change without first going through the entire and unnecessary experience of justifying myself existing as the character

4. I commit myself to practice, and perfect the skill of immediate self-change – as the point of when I see that I go into a character – to immediately in that moment make a directive statement of who I will accept and allow myself to be – and then live that physically – practically – here – as such short-circuiting my process – not having to go through an entire process of going into the character – seeing that I have subdued to the character – and then justifying me remaining in the character – and first then – considering changing and moving myself out of the character

5. When and as I see that I am thinking, and feeling that the mind-characters that comes up within me – are superior and better than me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that the characters coming up within me are not superior or better than me – in-fact this experience that I am having is merely an attempt from me to not have to change myself – because apparently it is to much work – and it takes to much effort – not realizing that this takes the same amount of effort for me to justify me remaining limited – and fighting me changing myself; as such I commit myself to simply change when I see that the moment of change has opened up and is here – and let myself walk the change without sabotaging for myself through creating all of these insane and unnecessary experiences

6. When and as I see, and notice that I am believing that the experience of inferiority coming up within me towards the thoughts coming up within me, and the characters that activate through-out my day – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – I am not inferior to the mind and the points coming up within me – this is only a convenient truth that I’ve created for myself – convenient because it implies that I am not able to change myself – and that I have not responsibility in terms of what is going on within my mind; as such I commit myself to see the real truth – which is that I accept and allow what goes on within me – and that at the end of the day – I stand responsible for each point that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as through-out my day – I can’t blame the mind – and I can’t blame anyone else – because it’s only me that is existing within me

7. I commit myself to be strict and disciplined with myself in terms of utilizing each moment of breath as a opportunity to change – as opportunity to stabilize myself and to take a breath and be here with and my human physical body – and equalize, and amalgamate myself with the physical – and not go into the mind

8. When and as I see, and notice that I experience fear/resistance towards changing myself – and directing myself – stopping my habitual participation in the mind and getting back into the physical reality – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath – and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – really – there is nothing to fear about becoming real – and seeing for real what is going on here – and taking responsibility for what is existent in myself and in this reality as a whole – in-fact it’s much worse to wait – and pretend to be a slave to my mind – and exist in a state of postponement – because that implies suffering – while changing implies – suffering yet going towards a brighter tomorrow; as such I commit myself to dare myself to change myself – and to dare to be self-honest – and face the music that is here – and go into the darkest and deepest pits of the mind – and unravel the shit – and re-create myself into a living being of integrity that stands for a world that is best for all

User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1266
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 01 May 2013, 21:12

Day 7: Patience – Patience – Patience
http://viktorpersson.com/2013/05/day-7- ... -patience/

A couple of days ago I wrote about the point of slowing down – you can read it here – and this blog will be somewhat of a sequel to that blog – because here I will expand on the point of patience.

Now – looking at my life I can see that one of my big weaknesses has been that I lack patience – this can be seen in how I in my life thwarted around and immersed myself in all kinds of interests and hobbies – and for a short while I was intently submerged into a point of interest – and with discipline and dedication I walked the point – but then I came to a point wherein I felt that “nothing is moving” – “I am not learning fast enough!” – “Why is it going so slow!?” – and within that – I almost always stopped participating in the point that I was pursuing; and then I went to the next point.

Further – I am also able to see my ineffectiveness of living patience in relation to how I approach new projects, and points in my world – I have a tendency to go completely one hundred percent into the point – completely dedicating myself to eat – yet doing this within a frantic hastiness – of “wanting to have results!” – “wanting to get there!” – and so I will usually attempt and try to advance and go beyond my abilities – and challenge myself – more than what I am actually capable of handling – and within doing that I will actually decrease my ability of walking the point – and in the long run compromise myself.

What is then being patient? And how do I live patience? For those of you reading this that has no concept of what patience is – or how to live – I suggest listening to this interview. Now – according what I’ve seen patience is being very meticulous, and certain – you’re walking each moment – breath by breath – and there is no haste – because within yourself you’re certain that no matter how long it takes – one day you’re going to get there – and thus patience is to take one’s time – and to be comfortable in accepting and allowing points to take time.

Within this I am able to see how I’ve in my process – as I began walking my process – not allowed myself to take the time to get to know the material – and to get to understand, and slowly integrate the understanding of what it means to walk self-honesty – and breath – instead I simply threw myself into process – and completely went for it one hundred percent – which is cool in itself – yet it’s quite important to within doing this still take into consideration myself – and what I am throwing myself into won’t necessarily be something that I can master, and learn to control in one minute – and that it’s unrealistic to have such expectations unto myself.

Thus – I am able to see that living patience will make my life a lot more comfortable – and my process a lot more relaxed so to speak – wherein I accept and allow myself to walk each point that arise in my mind in specificity – in detail – slowly but surely – not trying to walk faster – and not trying to walk slower – merely walking in breath – walking each point until that point is clear – and corrected and then taking the next.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define patience as a weakness – as something that will only slow me down – and slow my progress down – and make me be able to do less in this life – complete less – and achieve less – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand – that patience is really the key to being able to master – and perfect really difficult points – and create points that are sound – that are whole – and do not have any mistakes – because I’ve been patient in walking the point

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach myself, and points in my world from a starting point of forceful hastiness – as “wanting to get things done now” – “Wanting to not waste time – but to move on and take on the next point!” – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that I am really not wasting my time in being patient with myself – I am in-fact using the time effectively – because I am walking here accepting and allowing myself to walk what is relevant – and what is effective for me to walk – and not walk above my capabilities – and try to be somewhere else but here in this moment with and as my human physical body

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach new situations from a starting point of forceful hastiness – as feeling that unless I walk this point fast – and time-effectively – I am going to loose my life to this point and be able achieve less in my life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so focused upon achieving – getting there – doing that – completing that – becoming a success in that – that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to smell the roses – and the be with my breath – and to walk slowly but surely – not trying do everything at once – but to see that I am only able to do as much as a breath here allows for

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live patience – as in accepting and allowing myself to embrace failure – to be completely calm and stable in facing failure – and to simply see that I require to go back to the drawing board – and look at how I manifested this failure – and then face the point again – and being within this calm – and eternally patient – as in seeing that I will walk this particular point for myself into and as eternity if it’s required – until I do perfect this point

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as, and move from a starting point of trying to save my time – and trying to protect myself from loosing time – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s impossible to save time – as time will inevitably pass – though what is possible is to live within oneness and equality here with and as time – walking breath by breath – and using that time that is HERE effectively – instead of trying to save time; as such I commit myself to use the time that is here effectively – through being fully here – and accepting and allowing myself to walk the points that open and emerge here – fully – wholesomely – and completely – without separating myself in my mind as “places I have to go, and things I have to do” – but remaining here

Self-commitments

1. When and as I see that I am looking at, and defining patience as a weakness – as something that will slow me down – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that patience is something that the mind resists – because patience implies being specific – physical – and HERE – and walking each moment that open up here in oneness and equality with the physical – with and as the detail of this physical moment here – and not spend time in my mind – as such I commit myself to be patient here with and as myself – and walk each moment in oneness and equality with and as my human physical body – and be aware of the details of this moment here

2. When and as I see that I am approaching points in my world from a starting point of forceful hastiness – as “wanting to get things done now” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – in approaching situations, and new points from this starting point – I am in-fact debilitating my ability to learn – expand – and grow with and as the point that I am facing – and I am instead running through the point – in-fact running past the point and into the wall on the other side; as such I commit myself to stop running inside myself – to stop forcing points – and instead accept and allow myself to be here with and as the natural flow of the moment – as the flow of a breath – in and out – in and out

3. When and as I see that I am approaching a new situation from a starting point of forceful hastiness – as feeling that unless I walk this point fast – and time-effectively – I am going to loose my life to this point and be able to achieve less in my life – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – the only point that I am able to loose is myself – and I will loose myself through not being HERE – present – breathing – and aware of myself as my human physical body – that is when I loose myself for real – as such I commit myself to stop loosing myself through going into stress – and fear – and running inside my mind – and instead spend each moment to find myself here – within and as my human physical body – here as breath

4. When and as I see that I am not accepting and allowing myself to live patience – as I am facing failure – and as I see that I’ve not taken into account particular points and this caused me to make a mistake; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that patience is the key in relation to perfecting skills, abilities, and points in this reality – patience – and persistence – keeping at it – and not giving into giving up; as such I commit myself to be patient – to set long term goals – and not be shortsighted as the mind – but to see that certain points will take a long time to put into practice – and there is nothing bad, or wrong about that

5. When and as I see that I am participating, and moving myself from within and as a starting point of trying to save my time – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that time can’t be saved – time can be lived – but it can’t be saved – and living time is something that is a decision in every moment – as deciding that I am present here in this very moment – and that I am living and expressing myself here; as such I commit myself to live time – stop searching for, and attempting save time – but to instead use the time here through practicing being present and aware in every moment of breath

User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1266
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 03 May 2013, 21:21

Day 8: Money and Decisions
http://viktorpersson.com/2013/05/day-8- ... decisions/

Today I’ve faced some decisions in regards to buying new stuff – and this have been accompanied by some interesting reactions, which I took the time to investigate as I walked home from school – through applying self-forgiveness, and self-commitments out loud.

money-girlSo – the point I’ve faced is to buy a new computer – I knew that my computer had to have certain system characteristics and that it would be quite expensive to buy – and this was due to what I was going to use the computer for. Within looking at the various models of computers that there were for me to choose between – I noticed that I had a tendency towards being attracted to the most expensive computer – because I thought that “this computer would be the best!”.

At the same time as I had this desire within me towards the most expensive computer – I also experienced a fear towards buying the most expensive computer because it would mean that I would “loose the most money” – and so in that conflicted experience – my attention began to wander to a less expensive computer. Yet – within looking at and considering buying the less expensive computer – another fear arose within me; “what if this computer isn’t good enough?” – and as such I was completely stuck in this back and forth game in my mind where particular fears, and desires was interlocked into a battle with each-other.

On top of this I experienced some guilt for considering to buy a new and expensive computer, and also some excitement towards the prospect of owning a brand new computer – so all in all – the event with buying a new computer can be summarized with the word: Mess!

As I walked home from my school I began looking at this point more intently – and I came to some realizations: the first point I saw was that I did trust these particular experiences to guide me through the process of buying a new computer – and I listened to, and considered these various experiences as they came up within me – believing that they somehow “knew what I needed” – the reality of the situation is that – these experiences that came up have nothing to do with making a effective purchase – as these experiences do not consist of empirical evidence and factual information – it’s only experiences coming up within me that do not have any relationship with reality in-fact.

Within this I saw that to make a effective decision in relation to buying a new computer – I’d to let go of my desire – and I’d to let go of my fears – because both of these points were literately non-sense – meaning that they had not contact, or relationship with actual physical reality.

I also saw the interesting point that – I’d not really and clearly defined what I was going to use my computer for – and thus exactly what the requirements for my computer had to be – so I was more buying the computer because I felt that I need it – not because I knew that – I will need my computer for these points specifically.

Thus – I applied self-forgiveness on these points – and made a commitment to myself to not react to these event of buying the computer – but instead consider cold and hard facts – that which is not debatable – that which is not a matter of opinion – but that which is the real situation that I am facing.

This assisted me a lot – and as I arrived home – I sat down by my computer and bought the new computers – I didn’t take the most expensive, or the cheapest – instead I took one that I was certain was going to suit my needs – and that wasn’t “too good” – and that wasn’t “too bad” – but simply in alignment with what I require to utilize my computer for.

The point I learned in this was that – even though the experiences that come up in my mind might feel real – and as if they do seem to be an important aspect to take into consideration in terms of making a decision – really – they are not – they are NOT physical – they are NOT practical – and obviously – I’ve not designed them – or created them – I got no clue where they come from – and thus it would be utter stupidity to blindly trust these points to create my reality for me.

Herein – what I am able to learn from this and take with me – is that when I experience any form of reaction in relation to making a decision – it’s supportive to first clear, and remove any reactions through utilizing self-forgiveness, and self-commitment statements – and then – correcting myself – and making a decision that is practical – and based upon cold and hard facts.

User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1266
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 05 May 2013, 23:56

Day 9: They Are Out To Get Me!
http://viktorpersson.com/2013/05/day-9- ... to-get-me/

An interesting point that opened up a couple of days – was a experience of feeling unjustly attacked.

30116_honestyThe context was as follows: I was at work – driving my taxi around – in stepped a customer – an old lady – and with her was a helper. Before I started to drive I asked the old lady if she wanted to pay now, or as we got to the destination. When I said this the helper immediately interjected and said: “she’s not paying – she pays through bills instead” – and as this was said I immediately reacted. I thought that this helper had thought that I tried to trick the old lady into giving me money – through hoping that the old lady would forget that she was being billed and as such give me more money for the ride than what was agreed.

As this happened I reacted in a feeling hurt, and afraid – hurt due to feeling that I’d been judged as a thief, or a trickster – and afraid as fearing that I’d upset the old lady, and her helper. Within this I noticed that I also started to blame the helper for my experience – and I was speaking in my mind saying that: “how can the accuse poor me of this!? Can’t they see I am a sensitive individual – I can’t take this sort of critique!” – and in essence I was justifying my reaction, and experience – and trying to blame the point unto someone else.

Thus – this is the point I am going to work with tonight – and I’ll term the character – feeling unjustly-treated character – or the unfairness-character – and also the honest-character – because I felt hurt that another would see me as a trickster – which would mean that I value the opposite of being seen as honest – so this then means that I am holding unto a character of defining myself as honest – which is obviously really limited.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react in feeling hurt, and becoming afraid – when I perceive that another is defining, and seeing me as a trickster, and a thief – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, and hold unto a honesty-character – wherein believe myself to be a “honest, and good” person – that would never do anything that is criminal, wrong, or bad – thinking that I am innocent and good natured individual – and taking pride in thinking, and feeling that I am good natured, and honest individual – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that this is a idea that I’ve created about myself – as a energy-experience – and that it’s in-fact a illusion and not a reality

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that being honest have any virtue – thinking that because I am honest I am more than others, and that being honest makes me entitled to judge others, and define others as being less than me; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how I’ve used honesty in order form an idea of myself – to be able to feel superior and better than others – and how I’m within perceiving that I am called out as a trickster – facing the negative polarity of this particular creation – as feeling inferior, and feeling less than – because I am not as honest as what others are

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for my experience of myself as fear, and discomfort, and hurt – as I perceive that another is implying that I am a trickster, and that I can’t be trusted – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how what is within me, and comes up within me isn’t about others – but it’s about me – and in terms of this particular point – this is a experience that I’ve cultivated and accumulated for years before I met this person that I perceive to be calling me out as a trickster

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions that are in line with my idea of myself that I am “honest” – so that I am able to feel good about myself due to my apparent purity, and goodness – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise practical common sense living – in favor of making decisions that are “honest” – and as such I accept and allow myself to see that being “honest” is then ego – and only a point of wanting to see, and define self as being more than another

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how it doesn’t change me – within me – that another believes I am trickster, a liar, or a thief, unless I accept and allow it to affect and change me; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to being defined by and through the social setting that I am in – instead of accepting and allowing myself to define myself in every moment of breath – and to be the directive principle of and as myself as in deciding who I am – what I am going to live – and how I am going to live it – and not allow the tonality of another’s word to make that decision for me

Self-commitments

1. When and as I see that I am reacting in feeling hurt, and becoming afraid – when I perceive that another is defining, and seeing me as a trickster, and a thief – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and bring myself back here; and I see, realize and understand that what another thinks about me can’t affect me unless I accept and allow it – and that unless I hold unto some idea of myself – that must be recognized by others – as for example – “I am honest” – there won’t be any reaction within me because I will in that moment stand stable within and as me – and not be defined by my external reality; as such I commit myself to breath – and to not accept and allow being seen by another as a trickster, and a liar to affect me – and have any impact on me – but remain here – moving myself in common sense

2. When and as I see that I am defining myself as honest, and generating/creating a positive experience of me – through thinking that I am a “honest” person – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – the idea of being a honest person is not real – and it’s merely an experience – that have to sides – the negative – and the positive – and because the positive can only exist with the negative – the consequence is that I must face hurt, and fear – when being seen by another as a trickster, or a liar – for me to hold unto being able to feel honest, and good about myself – when another define, and see me as a honest person; as such I commit myself to stop building myself, and creating myself from how interpret that others see me – and I instead commit myself to walk breath by breath – and remain stable, and consistent in every moment in this application of not defining myself – but being simplicity itself as only breath

3. When and as I notice that I am blaming another for my experience of myself as fear, discomfort, ad hurt – as I perceive that they are implying that I am trickster – and that I can’t be trusted; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that what I am facing within me is me – and nobody, and nothing else – it’s a creation of and as me – through my participation in the mind – and the point must be stopped, and directed by me; as such I commit myself to stop blaming – and instead focusing upon establishing solutions for and as myself

4. When and as I see, and notice that I make decisions that are in line with my idea of myself as being “honest” – in order to feel good about myself, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath – and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how I am within this limiting myself – and not taking a decision from common sense – as what is practical – but instead about what I feel – which is delusional to say the least; as such I commit myself to push, and practice myself to make decisions that are practical

5. When and as I see, and notice that what another do/say/feel change how I experience myself within me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this is the result of me defining, and creating myself according to how I interpret the social context in which I am; as such I commit myself to stop defining myself according to who, and what I perceive that others are – and I instead commit myself to express myself in oneness and equality with my human physical body – here

User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1266
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 07 May 2013, 21:40

Day 10: When Fear Disappears
http://viktorpersson.com/2013/05/day-10 ... isappears/

I’ve now been to the university for about two years, and during this time I’ve had many realizations about what it means to communicate, and interact with other people – and recently I’ve had a break-through in relation to this point – and this is what I will share here.

When I first came to the university I found it to be a cold, and desolate place – apparently it was superficial, shallow, and I couldn’t meet any people that was like me – because I was apparently different – now – this was my experience of the university.

At first I blamed the university for my experience – I said within myself that “everyone in this place are so fearful of each-other” – in order to justify the experience of fear that I had within myself, and in order to have some type of excuse as to why I wasn’t pushing myself to get into the university environment so to speak – in terms of actually pushing myself to develop some relationships, and get myself out there.

I walked this behavior pattern of feeling that I was alone, and different – not only in my university environment – but also – in essence – in every other environment that I came into contact with in my life – and within this I didn’t want to recognize one simple point – that it was I that was responsible for my own experience of myself – and that it was I that was responsible for me not communicating with anyone, and for me finding my day-to-day living to lack social interaction with others.

freefromfearThankfully I’ve enrolled into Desteni I Process – which is a course that Desteni offers that assist self to see where self is holding unto limitation, and fear – and within walking this course, together with writing my Journey To Life blog – I’ve now managed to get myself out of this state of blame, as thinking that the reason for my life being uneventful, and without interaction – is due to my environment – and not due to me. Within this a fascinating thing has occurred – I’ve actually begun to push myself to get out there – to speak – to interact – and to dare to face my innate tendency to be passive, and remain in the rear.

Thus – what has happened through me writing my blogs, and walking the Desteni I Process course, is that fear has begun to subside – and really – I experience this as a blanket that has been removed from my eyes, and that I am finally able to see all the opportunities, and all the adventures that exists here in this very moment – that are in my life, and that are ready to be walked.’

Before – I would never have considered taking the initiative to go and speak to someone that I do not know, or to when and as I see some people speaking with each-other in a group, to go and join them – and communicate, and share myself – I mean this was unthinkable for me – and the reason for this is because I’ve existed in so much fear, and so much anxiety – and it’s really only now – that I can see how extensive my fear, and anxiety have been through-out my life – and how much this have ruined for me in terms of living a fulfilling, and enjoyable life.

Thus – one could say that I am now harvesting the fruits of my hard labor – my hard labor being that of committing myself to do my daily writings, and to walk my Desteni I Process lessons, and to not give up when it get’s tough – but to keep on pushing – and keep on walking – and within this I’ve also seen how all the effort I’ve placed into my process of birthing myself as life – has been so totally worth every minute, and every sweat on my brow – because to live without fear, and anxiety – that is really the coolest, and most enjoyable things that I’ve experienced so far in my life.

One point that I regret though is that I didn’t give this to me earlier! I mean – WHY did I walk my life up to the age of 25 years old in fear, anxiety, worry, and nervousness? How come nobody taught me the simplicity of living within breath, and living without self-judgment, and self-hatred? This is obviously nothing I am able to change – yet I am able to make sure that nobody else have to walk through what I had to walk through – meaning – growing up in a world where there is no support, and assistance in relation to creating an effective relationship with self – and accordingly I’ve committed myself to give up this one life, and walk this life to create a world system that is best for all – wherein all will be given the education of what it means to fully live, and express yourself; as such I’ve devoted my life to bring about a equal money system.

Within this I am able to see that I’ve only yet started my journey to realizing what it means to really live – I’ve transcended some fears, some anxieties – but I mean – there is so much more to discover – so much more to learn! Thus – seeing how I’ve changed in these years walking with Desteni, walking my Journey to Life blogs, and my DIP – I can conclude that it’s really a amazing journey that I’ve walked, and that it only get’s better the more of myself that I invest into it – the more I immerse myself into the process of birthing myself as life from the physical – the more intriguing, fascinating, and completely amazing becomes the journey of discovering what life is all about.

Though – obviously – within this I don’t want to give the impression that walking the process of birthing self from the physical is in anyway easy, or effortless – it’s absolutely not – it’s the most difficult, and arduous thing I’ve ever done; yet – the rewards for walking through the difficulties are so amazing that it simply can’t be envisioned – it must be experienced – it must be lived.

Thus – at the moment – my experience of the university has changed drastically – I do not anymore experience my school as a cold, boring, unfriendly, and callous place – I experience it as a point wherein I am able to be social with others, and enjoy myself – and to explore new relationships, and communicate with others – my prime experience is not anymore fear, worry, or nervousness – instead I experience a sense of calm – and within this I am able to actually explore, and investigate what is here – and to focus upon that which is here as my reality – and have always been here – and not be so strung up, and lost in my own world – my own fear – and my own experiences; I’m turning my eyes into the physical – and out from the realms of the mind.

If you haven’t started writing your JtL-blog – or haven’t yet signed up for DIP I suggest that you do so – as this will really be the best gift you can ever give to yourself – the process is difficult, but the result of your efforts will literally blow your mind – as that is what has happened to me – and this is a good thing.

User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1266
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

Postby viktor » 09 May 2013, 23:20

Day 11: Test-anxiety
http://viktorpersson.com/2013/05/day-11-test-anxiety/

This is my fifth term at the university and I’ve still not been able to effectively remove the test-anxiety I experience at the end of each semester when the final test is being held. Every time I become nervous, and filled with anxiety – and what I tend to do is that I stress-read, and simply overdo my studies to the extent where I study for up to 10 hours on a day – and then afterwards I am totally exhausted – because I’ve gone into my studying so intensively that I’ve not considered my human physical body, or myself for that matter – only studying for the upcoming test have existed within me.

This time around I’d like to change this point – and also make sure that I don’t experience anxiety as I am doing the test – because that anxiety greatly inhibits my ability to write the test effectively – so it would be awesome to go to my test, and write the test being completely calm, and relaxed.

Thus the first point that I will walk here in this blog is to locate all the particular fears that I have in relation to my studies – that come through has backchat, and thoughts – and have my loose my concentration and instead get caught in anxiety, and fear.

    I fear that I won’t get a good job after I’m done with studies – unless I get the best grade
    I fear that I will regret myself – and feel that I do everything I could – if I don’t get the best grade on my test – and I haven’t been running around spending all my time on studying for my test
    I fear that I won’t get as much done unless I use stress a way to motivate myself
    I fear that my parents will be dissatisfied with me unless I get the best grade
    I fear that I will become dissatisfied with myself if I don’t get the best grade
    I fear feeling useless, and worthless if I don’t get the best grade
    I fear that I won’t be the best – but that there will be others that receive better grades than me
    I fear that I will forget everything while doing the test
    I fear that there will come a extremely difficult question on the test, and because of that I will fail the test
    I fear that I will forget to prepare for everything in relation to the test – and thus not be able to do the test effectively
    I fear that I will simply fail on my test without understanding why – regardless of much I study – that I’ll simply not be able to walk my studies effectively enough
    I fear that I am not intelligent enough to be able to learn all the information before the test
    I fear that I will prepare myself wrong – and then not understand the test as I get it into my hands
    I fear that I won’t have as many opportunities in my future unless I get the best grade – because everyone will consider, and see me as someone that “didn’t get the best grades”
    I fear becoming ridiculed, and laughed at by others as being stupid, and not being able to get a good grade
    I fear that there is not enough time for me to prepare myself effectively, and that I will accordingly come unprepared to the test
    I fear that my mother will say to me that I could’ve done better
    I fear that my family will not be happy with me – as they are when I receive a good grade on my tests
    I fear relaxing, and breathing when I study – in fear that if I don’t use fear to study – that I will then not move myself as effectively, and fast – and thus be compromised

In my next blog I will begin to walk through this list point by point – and apply self-forgiveness, and self-commitment statements – and I will be done with the list in time for my test – so then I will be able to see whether my preparation


Return to “7 Years Journey to Life”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests