Carlton's Journey To Life

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Carlton
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Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 25 Feb 2014, 23:21

Day 1: WAKING UP
Carlton’s Journey to Life
Tuesday February 25, 2014

http://carltontedford.wordpress.com/201 ... king-up-2/

Day 1: Wake Up

I have been asleep for my entire life. Although, walking around with my eyes open but not seeing. I have made it hard for me to stay awake, because I am constantly giving in to the urges for things to be easy for me. So when I think that I am falling asleep, I am already asleep per say. Meaning that I have given up my entire life from taking responsibility by designing creating and manifesting what I have become as a mind consciousness system. I have created patterns now automated within and as me; which I call my personality. I have done this by giving my power away to my mind to be the directive principal in my world and reality. By finding Desteni I have obtained tool to assist and support me in taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed myself to design/create/manifest what I have become and wake up from this deep sleep that I have been in my entire life and realize who I really am. Self- Forgiveness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be asleep for my entire life, although walking around with my eyes open.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by being asleep my entire life, I have given up from taking responsibility for my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly give in to the urges for things to be easy for me. Meaning that I have given up my entire life from taking responsibility by designing/creating/manifesting me into what I have become as a mind consciousness system, in which I have created patterns automated within and as me; which I call my personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up my entire life from taking responsibility by designing/creating/manifesting me into what I have become as a mind consciousness system, in which I have created patterns automated within and as me; which I call my personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create patterns automated within and as me; which I call my personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that these patterns is who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by a personality in which I have designed by following the patterns that I have created within and as me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that by following the patterns I have created which designed my personality to not take directive principal within my world and reality, I have accepted and allowed myself to have been asleep my entire life which is now requiring me to WAKE UP.

I commit myself to no longer remain asleep, giving up my responsibility to and as life, but instead WAKE UP and take responsibility for life.

I commit myself to stop giving in to the urges for things to be easy for me, by standing up and taking responsibility for designing/creating/manifesting me into what I have become as a mind consciousness system.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness with self-corrective application assist and support myself to stopping the automated patterns that I have created and followed, within and as me my entire life, by investigating each point within me in which I have denied myself the right to life and correcting it.

I commit myself to WAKING UP and standing up as an example to myself that it is possible to take responsibility for my acceptances and allowances and become life and live what is best for all so that I am able to assist and support others in their process.

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Anna
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Anna » 25 Feb 2014, 23:41

COOL Carlton! Welcome to the forum.

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Carrie
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carrie » 26 Feb 2014, 17:28

Yes, really cool blog Carlton. Thanks for sharing! Awesome that you've joined us in the Journey To Life!

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Carlton
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Location: California/Nevada

Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 27 Feb 2014, 09:00

‎Carlton’s Journey to Life
Tuesday February 27, 2014

http://carltontedford.wordpress.com/day-2-resistance/

Day 2: Resistance

I have always been one to resist almost anything that has to do with having to work on myself because I believed that I was fine and there was nothing I needed to change about who I have become. Before Desteni if someone told me I didn’t know myself and I am resisting take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed. I would have first looked at them as if they were crazy then entered into a debate with them about how greater I am then them. Resistance.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of everything else that I could do, instead of writing my journey to life blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance to writing my journey to life blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist anything that has to do with me taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist facing myself and walking through the consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within resistance, yawn and fall asleep thinking that I am tired, not seeing realizing and understanding that yawning is my systems wanting to shut down as resisting my taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed, standing up, facing myself and walking through each point breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that throughout my life, what I called being tired is me resisting taking responsibility, standing up and facing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see that I could have supported myself to take responsibility, stand up and face myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry when I am “tired” and sleeping, when someone wakes me up, not seeing realizing and understanding that in fact I am not tired, but resisting facing myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself thinking of everything else that I could do instead of writing my journey to life blog, I stop and breathe.

I realize that my thinking of everything else to do is me experiencing resistance to my taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed.

I commit myself to taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed.

I commit myself to when and as I start yawning and falling asleep knowing that it is resistance I take a breath to bring myself back here to physical reality and stand up and tell myself that I am not tired before continuing on with what I am doing.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to become angry when someone wakes me up, but instead realize that it is resistance and to assist and support myself to pull through the tiredness.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness with corrective application assist and support myself to pull through the tiredness realizing that it is resistance, stand up and face myself, take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed by investigating and finding the cause to how I have created and followed this pattern my entire life .

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Carlton
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Location: California/Nevada

Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 28 Feb 2014, 05:13

Carlton’s Journey To Life
Thursday, February 28, 2014

http://carltontedford.wordpress.com/201 ... 3-either-m…or-the-highway/ ‎

Day 3: Either my way or the highway

I have always been the, “Either my way or the highway” type of person. Whenever I come across something that I liked or if it’s a certain way that I had to do a specific task, I would try figuring out a way to invoke my, “my way” into it or if it’s someone else’s material, I would tell others that I did it or had something to do with it. When it’s all said and done, my “my way” syndrome don’t ever work out the way that I wanted it to work, for my own self –interest reasoning. I always end up getting caught up in my own self-righteous bullshit, trying to place myself on some kind of platform in the moment when I don’t have to. It’s me wanting to be accepted when I’m already accepted, and it’s me also seeking more attention when I already have the attention of whoever is present. Once I get called out on my bullshit instead of admitting it, I immediately get defensive because I’m embarrassed and go into an energetic reaction of anger because at that point my lies have caught up to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I can do things my way and get the credit for something that is already lined out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a starting point of if I can’t do it my way then I should just give up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to others by saying, that I did something that I didn’t or had something to do with someone else’s work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change/alter a specific outlined task for my own self–interest gain.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in having the “my way” syndrome, I am limiting myself to just obtaining praise in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others by placing myself on some kind of platform in the moment, making myself seem more them I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek attention.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that, I seek attention because I am not intimate with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react once I’m called out on my bullshit by immediately getting defensive because I’m embarrassed and go into an energetic reaction of anger because my lies have caught up to me.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself lying to others saying that I did something that I didn’t or had something to do with someone else’s work, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am seeking attention and thus, I commit myself to no longer seek attention and lying about others works that I had nothing to do with but instead remain self-honest in every moment of breath when asked about a particular work.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself changing/altering a specific outlined task for my own self-interest gain, I take a breath to bring myself back here and allow myself to stay within the guidelines of the specific outlined task.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness with self-corrective application assist and support myself to investigating why it is that I am not more self-intimate with myself. In this I commit myself to becoming more self-intimate with myself.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to react energetically in anger when called out on my bullshit, but instead see it as a point to investigate why I am still allowing myself to bullshit myself.


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Carlton
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Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 28 Feb 2014, 21:22

Thank you Andrea.

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Carlton
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Location: California/Nevada

Carlton's Journey To Life.

Postby Carlton » 01 Mar 2014, 08:41

Carlton’s Journey to Life

http://carltontedford.wordpress.com/201 ... 4-if-your-…came-unscrewed/

Day 4: “If your head came unscrewed”

There is an old saying that we use to say growing up. “If your head came unscrewed, you would forget where you put it”. That saying, for the most part was true, because I forget/lose everything. There are a lot of examples that I can use.

Let’s start with forgetting where I put my keys as I’m going out the door. I start to search everywhere. Then I get frustrated because I know that I just had them, “I must have just sat them down some place”. “Ok let me backtrack”. “Come on, where are they”. ”F&@K, I’m going to be late”. So after I chase my tale around in circles for a nice period of time and get fed up and angry, I realize that they been in my hand all along.

I laugh it off and then go on with my day. And then use that whole little incident (mind fuck) as a talking point and a joke for later in conversation with others, not seeing/realizing and understanding the extent in which the mind can and will fuck you up. I didn’t see that though. And during the conversation when I bring it up (at a time when I’m just searching for something to say because the attention has been shifted away from me) I say things like, “Oh it just slipped my mind” or “I wasn’t thinking”, but in fact. My mind knows exactly what it is doing, by showing me the nature in which I have given away my power to my mind, by me “sitting upstairs with my feet up, in that room in my head in a rocking chair with a big pitcher of kool aid watching TV”, so to speak, while my mind runs the show. All that I was doing was thinking.

Another example of my forgetfulness is when I am looking for something “important” and the first thing that comes up in my mind is, “somebody took it” and whoever was the last person at my place must have taken it. And here I go again swearing up and down that,” yeah they took it, they had to take it because I put it right here, and nobody else was in here because, I would have known”. It could have been weeks since anyone stopped by, but sure enough it had to be the last person who was there who took it. Then I start having a full conversation with that person in my head, then try figuring out what/how am I going to ask/tell them that they took it. “I’m going to call them and give them a piece of my mind”.

When I call them everything starts off “well”. I say “hey what up”, then I pause to hear the tonality in there voice to see if their voice is shaky or if they will stumble in their words, just because I have already laid the entire scenario out in my head with them being the culprit. So they calmly answer saying no, what are you talking about? That’s when I don’t hear the answer that I wanted to hear and accuse them of lying and become angry. Then when I get off the phone and turn around it would be sitting right there. That happens a lot.

It could be something as simple as me putting down my ink pen and going to opening the door for someone and when I get back, I forget where I sat my ink pen down. I’ll just brush it off and get another one. But later on when I go back by the door again, “Oh there’s my ink pen”. These are seemly simple things that I hadn’t taken notice of till now, along with the consequences that quickly followed. It’s just how I was. I never thought that it would be something to take responsibility for. It was just me forgetting, then calling myself stupid and saying “I’m sorry afterwards thinking that was enough because I apologized. It’s pretty fascinating how quick and fast the mind works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be forgetful when I am in a rush to get somewhere or do something “important”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush to get somewhere or do something “important”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an energetic reaction of frustration then being fed up then into anger when I forgot where my keys were when I was in a rush to get somewhere or do something important.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to laugh it off and not take responsibility for separating me from my mind but instead I say things like “Oh it just slipped my mind” or “I wasn’t thinking, when in fact all I was doing was thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek attention whenever the attention has been shifted away from me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by me separating me from my mind and saying things like; ”Oh it just slipped my mind” or “I wasn’t thinking”. I am giving my power away to my mind consciousness system to take control and run the show.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to the mind consciousness system by sitting back and letting my mind consciousness system run the show.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accuse others of taking something from me, when I have misplaced it., then go into my head and create an entire scenario, placing them in as the blame then confronting them and having an energetic reaction of anger when they didn’t say what I wanted to hear from them to validate the scenario that I have created in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that it is ok to be forgetful and that’s just the way it is and then only say sorry afterwards and thinking everything should be ok, not seeing/realizing/understanding the consequences that will quickly follow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself by calling myself stupid.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to investigate why and how I have become so forgetful.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself forgetting where something is/ where I have placed something, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am accepting and allowing my mind consciousness system to run the show and I should slow myself down.

I commit myself to slowing myself down when I am doing things in preparation for something.

I commit myself to when and as the emotions of frustration anger emerge within and as me when I am looking for my keys, I take a breath to bring myself back here to physical reality and assist and support myself to slow down.

I commit myself to when and as the emotions of frustration and anger triggers me to manifest the expressed act of blaming/accusing others when I have misplaced something, I stop and breathe and instead of blaming/accusing others realize that I am moving too fast and need to slow down.

I commit myself to stopping myself from going into my mind and creating entire scenario’s and believing it to be true.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to think/perceive/believe that everything is ok and fine after I just demanded guilt from another being and became angry when there answer wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness with self-corrective application assist and support myself to investigating and stopping why it is that
I have accepted and allowed myself to blame/accuse other stemming from my frustration and anger, because I forgot where I left/put/placed something, living upstairs in that room in my head, sitting back watching TV, letting my mind run the show, not caring to take responsibility for accepting and allowing myself to rush.

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Carlton
Posts: 644
Joined: 15 Sep 2013, 22:52
Location: California/Nevada

Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 03 Mar 2014, 06:04

Carlton’s Journey To Life
Sunday, March 2, 2014

http://carltontedford.wordpress.com/201 ... ification/

Day 5: Justification

I am one who would always justify everything I did. I used justification to make me “feel better for doing it. I would sometimes put the blame on others by saying things like, “If they wouldn’t have done this, then I wouldn’t have done that. Another justification that I give myself is, “I needed it”. For instance, when I used to do drugs, thinking that I needed it to be happy/ feel good/ have energy and to stay focus, that justification was never justified, because it was only momentary. I was just deceiving myself into thinking I needed to justify things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always justify everything I did and use justification to make me feel better for doing it..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that if I justify doing things, I will feel better for doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use blaming other as justification for me doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to use drugs to be happy/feel good/have energy and stay focus as justification for doing it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that justification is not a substitute for the consequences that I have brought upon myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into thinking that I need to justify things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my self-interest to control me into doing things I believed I needed to justify.
When and as I see myself justifying things, I stop and breathe. I realize that having a justification is not a substitute for the consequences I have brought upon myself and will have to walk through, and I should have taken a self-honest assessment before I let my self-interest control me into doing things I believed I needed to justify.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow my self-interest to control me into doing things that will bring consequence upon myself, but instead be self-honest with myself before putting myself into a situation that I think that I will need to justify.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to think that justification is a substitute for the consequences that I have brought upon myself, but instead check myself before I do things that I use justification.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness with self-corrective application assist and support myself to see how it is that I have created myself as patterns and recreating myself as life and standing for what is best for all life.

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Carlton
Posts: 644
Joined: 15 Sep 2013, 22:52
Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 05 Mar 2014, 09:48

http://carltontedford.wordpress.com/201 ... 6-visions/

Day 6: VISIONS

I had to run some errands today. After I finished, I went to the pier for lunch. During that time I took the train. There I met a guy who was holding a sign that had a certain date on it and said stay away from certain places on that particular day because something was going to happen on that date” because of a vision that he had. So I asked him why that specific date and he began to tell me about these visions and dreams that he had and how the lord was showing him signs within numbers and how god was going to do something to teach man a lesson. It’s fascinating the things that our mind can come up with when we are searching for answers everywhere else instead of taking responsibility for creating delusions and scare tactics within ourselves.
I was one who used scare tactics to get attention from others. When I came across information having to do with death and destruction or any kind of message that would exempt me from taking responsibility I’d fall for it. That seemed to be the easiest way out. So as the guy continued talking I saw myself talking to myself trying to justify to me why I should be scared. The difference this time was, for the first time I could see right through my bullshit and were it previously made since, I could clearly see how I was trying to make myself believe in this delusion that I have made up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use scare tactics to get attention from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I came across information having to do with death and destruction or any kind of message that would exempt me from taking responsibility, fall for it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create delusion and scare tactics within and as me and believed them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is an easy was out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow these delusions and scare tactics believe that they are who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to justify to myself why I should be scared.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to face myself and take responsibility for creating these delusions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that there is no easy way out.
When and as I see myself using scare tactics to get attention, I stop and breathe. I realize that these scare tactics is me running away from facing myself and so,

I commit myself to taking responsibility for accepting and allowing my mind to create delusions and no longer use death and destruction as a scare tactic to hide behind.

I commit myself to walking my process through writing, self-forgiveness with self-corrective application and assist and support myself to stand and breath in every moment knowing that there is no easy way out.

I commit myself to stop my mind from believing that delusions is who I Am. I see/realize/understand that to get to who I am I must first accept and take responsibility for what I have become. Then walk my process of correction.

I commit myself to accepting and taking responsibility for what I have become and walking my process of correction, so that I am able to become life and live what is best for all.


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