Márton's writings

[Szabó Márton]

i am now posting my writings here instead of the other forum because i was asked to and i see that here is now the correct place to do it. older posts can be found at my blog page where i share the same writings what i post here.
i am posting the blog-entries in a "code" tag to be able to keep track of what is the blog and what is the forum talking.
as before i am open to any relevant discussions of the posts and i take full resposibility for what i write down. i am sometimes have misuses of words or use some rare words because some words still need to be translated to be specific and i cannot garantee the effectiveness of the translator dictionary.

facing my inner self...out here

Today i had an experience which was a great support for me regarding my self-trust and application.

So i woke up and did my stuff, and eat a lil' choclate after breakfast and i told both of my family members i'm living with that i will go out at 12:30. well my GM went out earlier so i and adam left only in the house. after i finished my lunch from 12:00-12:25 i started to prepare for the journey i take get on the clothes ect. suddenly the wired phone starteng ringing. we were in two rooms which has one in between and the phone is in his room and the one between. but because the doors were open i heard that after the first ringing he yelled at me to "pick it up!" and because i was in the middle of the dressing i yelled back "you pick it up!" but he yelled back again the same...he was playing with the computer an MMOTPS about 1.5meter away from the phone in his room. and i knew both of this and i also knew that he is only wanting that i pick up because 1.he always shifts resposibility whenever possible 2.he always so into gaming that the whole world can crumble if he can play 3.he wants everyone to do as he wills. after the second attemt of his i yelled at my loudest voice back the same sentence of mine, it was really loud and high in tone.i even got horse from it which still sensible even now.so finally after 6 rings he picked it up, but could not make effective communication and yelled in the phone also.after some seconds i was ready to go for my shoes when he stepped in and questioned me why i didn't pick it up. and he come close and pushed me over my bed (i was standing next to it) to show he's will and mightiness and power. in that moment i went outbursted jumped up and grabbed his head to my armpit and dragged him down to the bed, which was not capable of bearing his weight plus the momentum so it cracked and broke down, then i released him, and when he started to stand up i pushed him back tih my body the same as he did it and he fall to the bed again breaking it more down. then i left the house full of anger, hate and agression. altough outside i realized myself that i was gone too far and allowed and accepted myself to do the above but remembered to just breathe and stand down. it took me about 25 minutes to completely calm down but until that i even had some thoughts of how to execute him brutally...(i've been playing Assassin's creed for 4 days 1-2 hours/day max but not for enjoyment, this is manipulated me)

long time ago when the YT channels were still up i watched a vid from the dimensions where a being expressed how it assisted a woman to stand up and say no more...with compounding the "problems" of her life until she broke down under the weight of it a realized that altough the weight made her collapse she is still there...

something like this happened to me today. the problems with him compounded and compounded until i bursted out all my anger and hate and cruelty and force against him...showing me what i supressed within myself. yes i supressed it because i wanted to be peacful and non-violent and mostly wanted to think he will change and stop his behaviour, that he will realize himself and stop himself from being the mind system/personalities that he is currently. so yes i supressed hoped wanted and beleived...i participated in my mind every time upon having him in sight or thinking about him.i sometimes saw what i am doing but just skipped a beat and continued it. so yeah i led my mind take over me out of wanting to punish and pay back him for what he is doing to me. i even let him know this right before i left because i asked "well now how it feels to be pushed down aside???" which he just looked and communicated confusedness.

so this is what happened...the why is clear, the how is clear, i asked myself the questions about it and got all the answers to them...now i have to walk my self corrections.

because he is a completely mind-abused and a true organic robot based on his expression he gets banned by me. i will not interact with him in any way. he will see me hear me but i am not participating anymore in any action regarding him. if i would do so i would allow myself to accept and allow him and what he is expressing which i cannot. i am seeking and cutting any form of connections/relationships/associations regarding him. when i see myself judgeing him or supressing something inside me or thinking about him i will stop and breathe and bring myself back here as breath.



Márton

[Maya]

Hi Márton. Welcome to the ITD forum.

This person is showing you what you have accepted and allowed to exists within you and your world and this is why you are reacting to him. the solution is not banning - that is hiding/suppressing.
Here are some points to consider turning it back to self:

1.he always shifts resposibility whenever possible 2.he always so into gaming that the whole world can crumble if he can play 3.he wants everyone to do as he wills

here you are blaming another instead of seeing how self is participating within the same constructs of shifting responsibility. Also with yelling back at him to pick up the phone - you are actually saying that you would like another to do what you want the other to do.
What you can see here is that which you blamed and judge yourself through blaming and judging another to not face/see you. That is a defense mechanism that self created to not change.

yes i supressed it because i wanted to be peacful and non-violent and mostly wanted to think he will change and stop his behaviour, that he will realize himself and stop himself from being the mind system/personalities that he is currently

wanting to be peaceful and non violent it based on principles of morality that you gave value to, not realizing that those points are only a part of a polarity that you allowed to exists equal and one. if you allow peace - you allow war, if you allow non violent, you allow violent.
Realize that as long as we allow one part of a polarity to exists, we are allowing the other polarity to exist. You’ve tried to suppress one side of the polarity but it had to manifest to show you that you are still allowing hate/war and violent to exits within and as you equal and one.
realize that it is not him that you are angry/hate - it is you. you wanted you to change and stop your violent behaviour, you wanted you to realize yourself and stop yourself from being in your mind/accessing personality and in one moment, you allow all that you suppressed to emerge and over and become possessed with anger, became violent towards another - all of this to suppress/hide what you are actually doing yourself - allowing abuse within and without.

because he is a completely mind-abused and a true organic robot based on his expression he gets banned by me

Here again you can see how your abdicate self responsibility - not willing to face him as you equal and one - wanting to suppress what you have become through blaming another person. you are actually the one who abusing yourself.
Remember that it's always about SELF and never about the other.

i suggest to revisit your words and turn everyting back to self - to be able to stop blaming another for what you have become and take self responsibility, direct and change.

[Szabó Márton]

thanks for this support...i've been suspected that i do what you wrote down...but led myself evade the investigation of myself...but as i can see here too i can turn nowhere else but to myself and do it...i'm working on these point and will write them out untill it's complete...

I even experienced that i miss something upon writing the post but now i see that i was and still am under the influence of the point so i must re-read/live and take actual responsibility for myself.

[Szabó Márton]

ending...the beginning

So I am committing myself to stop myself from participating in any kind of aggression...i had this one all along with me while being hiding behind it with massive amounts of fear...but i am letting go of this whole thing...i no longer fearing myself...so i give up many things along with this...the idea of me being a warrior, having lethal weapons and being invincible and untouchable...which i imagined as the best thing i can do in this fucked up world...the exact opposite of being open and vulnerable. but i missed the fact that it is just stopping me from realizing myself and keeping me in the loop of aggression and wants need hopes and desires...and mostly fear...i feared others, myself, the future...i wanted to be prepared for everything i can imagine...but when i look at now with common sense...it's impossible...simply, no one can do it. why should i try to achieve it? and it's starting point is fear of self...which i can no longer allow myself.

so now i end the investigation...i discovered many things fears, reactions, environmental factors, requirements...opinions, judgements...so now i start to walk this statement clearly and strong. I allow myself to be vulnerable and to not prepare for things i might encounter...so if a "problem" arise i deal with it in the moment and then walk through and go on...not "looking" back nor planning ahead...but walk HERE as breath...it's not easy nor hard...you just have to do it.



Márton

[Szabó Márton]

pointing...fears...direction

Yesterday and today i had interesting experiences that showed me how i behave in certain conditions...

So i was going to get a pendrive i ordered and i was so excited when getting the message it has arrived that when i looked at where to go and fetch it i did not scroll down enough so i only saw the adress of the company and not the adress where you can go and fetch the product. so monday morning i went to the wrong adress, beleieving it's the right one, and i started to shearch the street after getting off the bus...i asked streetwalkers even a gas station worker, but all i got is "i don't know where it is, i never heard about it" the gas station worker even mentioned that "you should have looked at it on a map" then i called the company to ask how i get there, basically he tell me the place the two streets where the other adress is and then again told me that the info and the map is on the website so i should know where i have to go...then after more shearching and not finding i called my brother at home to look up the map for me and tell me how can i get there...he didn't find it on the map too and again i could have looked at it before i go...some minutes later i gave up the shearching and on the way home i realized that i must take this back to self what i experience...so i looked at myself and found out that i did refused to help others and only point at them saying "it's your fault" instead of simply being here and providing support. and this is in fact escaping resposibility and i only did this to make myself better than the other and the other less...because "i know it better". and this whole point of ego and superiority-inferiority bullshit i was participating in for quite some time...

so also on the way back i did self-forgiveness on these points and breathed through it and also handled my "oh i'm late" and "i shouldn't take the metro because it's expensive and the bus is free" thoughts and allowed myself to comfort myself instead of acting based upon fear of survival and this want to not buy anything to be ready for emergency situations...and now i say fuck! there is no emergency situation at all...it is all I made up every situation, every experience is in fact one and equal and with and as me...so if i'm not constant in my application than that is a backdoor for something...an escape route...which i am not allowing and accepting any longer. of course i have certain prepared schematics of doing something in certain situation...which is needed for example in fire or medical accidents...and everyone must know how and what to do in such events and not just stand there frozen until the situation solves itself...

so yeah realizing and releasing fears...and this is where the real power of the self comes forth...because "you just have to do it" and sooner or later it will be done.



Márton

[Szabó Márton]

encountered them yesterday and watched their 1 hour vid of intro...it was enough to see this...

letting go alias a *new* method of abuse


not so long ago i encountered this organization which is *offering* a new method to become good and wealthy and blah blah...whatever you wish...

So this bullshit is called "the sedona method" and i have to say this time they nearly made to other side which is HERE...not that there would be sides, just using the phrase...

So basically it's about having realized how much we fight and protect the thoughts and feelings and ect. and seperate ourselves from everyone so it introduces to first "welcome" meaning accept it as it is without fighting and live it fully, then simply "let go" of it just as you drop your pen. with this comes the realization that you are apparently not the things you let go because you could just drop it like that...that's okay...and the point of not fighting against them is also a useful thing...

The real issue with all of it barely makes up to the line of best for all. IT does NOT show you and make you realize that you ARE the ONLY one RESPONSIBLE and you have to take this resposibility and change yourself.

it tells you that you don't have to change, you don't have to do a lot of things, just simply let go with the methods of theirs which's information and way of doing is massively secreted and SOLD! also it does not shows that if you are not investigate the ROOT of the *problems* you will never ever solve it...so it only gives a temporary band-aid which is miraculusly working and has a clearly visible effect on the people-so they can convince others. so it does not get to solving any issue, so the world will be just like today with all the rape and murder and famine and all sorts of stuff that can be solved within and without us...

and they do this in order to *feed off* meaning to be able to continuosly get money from their clients so they invent new and new sub-methods of doing the same stupid thing...and of course brainwashing the people with their own minds...they don't even do too much...all this from fear of non existance.



in reflection to this Desteni is firstly gives all the information and material for free...they only charge money for the service of support and organization of the material, the teaching itself. secondly desteni show actual ways how to find the core of the problems you are manifesting in your life and gives tools for you to make your stand and do not allow those fears, and other mindshit that is causing all the other things...and teaching how to always investigate what you do and if it's for what is best for all, and to always consider everything and everyone upon investigating...yes basically it shows people how to change themselves and what to use to get out of our own self-accepted mess we put ourselves in during our time on earth.



so you can clearly see that these are not polar opposites of each other...and doing anything other than what Desteni offer is just escaping from our responsibility for ourselves and the world..."you can run, but you can't hide from your-self."



Márton

[Marlen]

and doing anything other than what Desteni offer is just escaping from our responsibility for ourselves and the world

This is a cool perspective that points out how Desteni is simply tools that anyone can apply to actually LIVE wherein you actually become a self responsible being and don't have to go paying to escape from your reality 'letting go of it all' without looking back to see at the mess we've created - that's obviously something that people are willing to pay, to feel better and 'good' about not having to give a fuck about this world and actually paying to dissolve all sense of responsibility and realizing that they've been the creator of it all.

This is also the reason why Desteni is such a 'difficult message' because it won't sugar coat things for us, it won't tell you 'everything is fine' and that you only have to 'accept everything as it is' but instead we have to literally dare to face ourselves and our creation.

Spiritualism is just a bunch of nice words pasted together to 'uplift yourself' which is not YOU as life but as the ego as the mind that wants to keep itself comfortably in the fluffy clouds wherein you apparently have 'nothing to do' in relation to this world.

To correct, Desteni is not really 'charging money for "the service of support and organization of the material" - all material has been available for ALL for over four years, the forums are completely free and the only point that exists as an actual course that you can enroll and pay for is the Desteni I Process - which can also be walked through by applying for sponsorship so, money is not really the thing here - it's obviously required just as anything in this world that requires resources to continue existing yet if there's a thing that has remained constant within Desteni since the beginning is the ability to be supported and assisted completely free - which definitely raises eyebrows and comments from any other 'master' or 'spiritual community' that usually charges money for telling you that 'everything is alright' and that you have to simply sit back, relax and just chill.

So - cool for opening up the point in realizing how everything we are walking here is our lives as human beings with no need for lighworking bs that deludes everyone into a mental state where everything is fine, no different to taking drugs -


Note for your posts here: when you want to quote your blogpost, make sure you use the 'Quote' button - not the code one -

Thanks for sharing Márton

first of all when you want to quote your blogpost, make sure you use the 'Quote' button - not the code one -

[Szabó Márton]

authority...

a system we all accept and allow because it has been so much programmed into us in our first cycle of life that we then beleive that it's the way how humanity MUST work and without it there are chaos everywhere and it will be a very bad thing...I was too "teached" in elementary to learn to behave and do what i'm told...basically this plants the seed of authority creating the second layer of inferiority/superiority (the first one is the family point) where we learn that humans live in a hierarchical system and everyone is either better or worse than a fellow human...

mostly what the teachers want to do is that the kids do what they tell them and "learn" AS and WHAT they teach...and you must accept this at first...and continue to accept it until you are out of the school system...but then again you get into the work system where the whole thing starts over again...it's like a never ending contradiction.

those that are put higher by rules are the ones who need mostly the assistance and understanding of the ones "below" them...but they have to keep their "image" of being superior...so the more higher you are the more alone and separated you will become by your participation and behaviour. so you create habits and ways for yourself to be entertained and not see this obvius common sense...basically the more up you go the more lies you do...and at the bottom lies the many newborn babies.

whenever you confront for example a teacher of it's authority (what happened to me today) with common sense after some tries of ridiculing you and failing, they at the end just say "ask XY(the principal) if i'm right or not!" so basically they somewhere see that their authority is just bullshit and they have been only PUT there. also in this century of information every person is accepting the law:"the one who know more, knows better and thus superior" so basically the teacher "learned" more than me and therefore his information is more valuable than what i am doing with common sense. so i MUST do AS they tell me to do it. how on earth could we even start a system like this??? it is sooo not working. if a student shows an easier and more effective way of doing what he/she's been taught it is denied in most cases...are we insane or what? "because the final exams will be from this one, not from that one, and they will not accept your answers if you write this instead of what is in the book"

but if we really look inside ourselves and see the world what it is we can see that authority:

"The word Authority is derived mainly from the Latin word auctoritas, meaning invention, advice, opinion, influence, or command. In English, the word 'authority' can be used to mean power given by the state (in the form of Members of Parliament, Judges, Police Officers, etc.), by academic knowledge of an area (someone can be an authority on a subject)."[wikipedia]

is just an illusion of the mind...we imagine it and we behave like it's real where in fact noone is superior than anything else...because nothing is seperate HERE.



first i became angry, then i led myself to breathe and breathe through it and see the common sense in the teacher's behaviour and altough it is him who accept and allow such system to control him i am not pointing at him, it's not his fault...he was raised the same way i was...imprinting, forging, forcing us into this system and when we - sort of - rebelled against it, we were severly punished for it, and forced back again...and what can a child do against "grown ups"?...nothing.

in an equal education system the beings will only share information between each other as equals and slowly but surely we can "erase" that statement of superiority of knowledge and information and knowledge will become only a tool to do more and be able to perform more variety of tasks. because if you can only read write and do basic math you will be able to live a dignified life by the equal money system it is provided and you can choose to gather more information and knowledge.

so living the self-forgiveness in action today was really cool that i am able to do it in the moment and breathe and see myself and the situation only for what it is and not go into my mind and make up ideas and theories about the world...



Márton

[Marlen]

Cool for bringing this point up Márton, I had written a blog that I didn't post when I was exploring and facing the point of anger again. So, here's the link to the entry and if there's something else that comes up, share it here so we can follow the point. Anger towards Authority

thanks for sharing

[Szabó Márton]

all you wrote makes perfect sense...and clears up some foggy areas which i haven't considered yet. so thanks for the support.

to further extend the problem solving of the point...I had to first see and realize myself as all that not even one being is in fact superior/inferior so therefore the next step is living that then the other's actions and reactions shown me what smaller points i am still accepting and allowing the same sup/inf point to exist therefore everyone supports everyone together to stop themselves from participating...and as you also wrote it all starts at the very beginning so we have to *work* through it more. the solution for upcoming children is firstly a family-construct where no such polarities exist then in the education system so if the child sees and lives in such enviroment they will no let themselves to fall into these construct therfore those that want to rule over will be unable to do so and all this without a drop of blood...

also i realized i have to study my supressed anger points and bring them forth to be forgiven by myself and walk the change.