Cigarette addiction

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Matthew Stone
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Re: Cigarette addiction

Postby Matthew Stone » 22 Aug 2016, 13:44

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up intimate moments with other's as enjoying a cigarette with another person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself when I'm doing well not smoking to share in a moment with someone else which doesn't require me to have a cigarette.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use cigarettes to suck all of the enjoyment that I can out of having a moment with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that having a moment with another of talking and enjoying with a cigarette being smoked by either of us is the most intimate that I can ever be with anyone else when in just reading this I can see how there are many more ways to be intimate then having a cigarette and that this is another point of how I have romanticized smoking cigarettes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my bond with a friend of mine if I ever were to stop having moments of breaking my commitment to quit smoking to have a special moment with just me and him taking in everything and each other's company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing my friend if I ever gave up what seems to be our most intimate form of interaction as smoking together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that stopping smoking with my friend means backing out of our relationship altogether.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear abandoning my relationship with my friend by no longer partaking in this interaction between us and no longer having a special relationship with someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise what's best for me as quitting smoking cigarettes for good and without backdoor just to have a special relationship with someone which isn't very special because it requires me to greatly compromise my well being as smoking when I'm not suppose to be smoking at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight within this point to the degree of compromise and conflict when all that I'm required to do is admit to myself that not indulging in this backdoor smoke session of cigarettes with my friend is not going to end or even affect our relationship and that I'm utilizing my friend to continue my smoking habit and calling it something else to not be self honest.

When and as I see myself wanting to smoke with my friend to have a special moment with him, I stop, I breathe, I realize this special moment as far as I can tell is no more then me finding a back door reason to continue my habit to the last possible drag, thusly, I commit myself to risk my friendship with my friend as not having this cigarette moment with him, if it only meant I could find it in myself to stop smoking for good without pointless backdoor shenanigans.



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Matthew Stone
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Re: Cigarette addiction

Postby Matthew Stone » 11 Sep 2016, 07:46

I went from wanting to put a lot of effort into quitting smoking to being satisfied with reducing how much I smoke to a very small amount.

I still haven't seen any health related things about smoking within myself except for a few things which I should take into consideration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see quitting all the way through to the end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop applying myself to quit smoking when I stopped caring because I felt I was smoking so little at this point that it hardly is important any more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel betrayed by myself for trying to see my quitting through all the way, because I am so satisfied with the relationship that I have formed with smoking very occasionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I won't stop pursuing myself until I've seen my smoking to completion as actually quitting completely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry because it's going to affect me to totally quit smoking because I know I'm going to have to fight to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quit smoking only as much as it was easy to do so where I don't have to fight or feel the pain of truly quitting in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going up against my last reserve of smoking, which is one pack a week.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how powerful a single pack of cigarettes is within myself over the course of just one week.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won't be the same person if I give up on my last reserve of smoking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my life will forever be unfulfilled if I cannot have just one pack of cigarettes a week.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I'll be pathetic without just one way to truly indulge within myself as a single pack of cigarettes a week.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my life will be pointless and unfulfilling If I cannot occasionally have a moment with myself that is totally filling as having a cigarette just a few times a week.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my body has become addicted to cigarettes and that is why I feel like I need them when if I don't think about them then no problems even come up and I don't even think about smoking.

When and as I see myself fearing I will never be fulfilled without smoking atleast a few times a week, I stop, I breathe, I realize I'm thinking and feeling this way because I'm addicted to cigarettes in my mind, thusly, I commit myself to see my quitting through to completion by stopping all thoughts and desires of smoking a cigarette and focusing myself anywhere else at all, to shoe myself that I don't really need a cigarette to be completed or fullfill because that rising desire and need and drive program will subside within moments of i just stop feeding into it.



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YoganBarrientos
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Joined: 03 Sep 2011, 23:19
Location: Miami, Florida

Re: Cigarette addiction

Postby YoganBarrientos » 13 Sep 2016, 05:31

Hey I just wanted to say Hi, and that I read this. Cool stuff. I can see how using these words you wrote can support you, because it would support me in a similar situation, which is what I took from it when I read it. Cheers.



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Matthew Stone
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Joined: 24 Jun 2011, 08:01
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Re: Cigarette addiction

Postby Matthew Stone » 16 Jan 2017, 09:05

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel down when I see other's going to smoke and I'm not smoking with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expierence this down emotion like I can't just stand around while these other people smoke I need to go out and smoke with them too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I'm missing out if I don't go and smoke with other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a little kid like I want to do what everyone else is doing, my friends are doing it I want to join them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take quitting seriously where I'd let something trivial like a unspoken group ritual of smoking together before dinner service at work starts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to bond with people as well if I don't smoke with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so ridiculous about smoking with other's where how can I say that I'm not just using creating relationships as an excuse to keep smoking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry like I could care less about my relationshiops that depend somehow on smoking I'm worried because of what I have seen smoking doing to my body and my using it as a crutch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up in those moments and do what's best even though it's hard to turn down an offer to smoke from a firend that's something I can walk out and forgive but I do need to keep trying to establish my fortitude to make those kinds of decesions.

When and as I see myself desiring to smoke with other's to have that moment of bonding with another, I stop, I breathe, I realize I don't have to forgive my entire relationship to other's to bonding and to how to form relationships just to stand on principle, where what's bonding with another if it means compromisng myself, thus, I commit myself to when I see myself deciding to smoke with another to bond and that I'll just deal with it in self forgiveness later on I slow down, I breathe, and in that moment I live the direction that I could spend forever to forgive my relationship to other's and bonding and I could also just write out my relationship to smoking with other's, or I can just take a stand, make my actions stand for something and mean something even if it's difficult or not what I'm used to doing.




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