Sallys SF

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sally
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Sallys SF

Postby sally » 22 Feb 2017, 15:33

i forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my car and owning a car with all of the repairs and maintenence a car requires- even after my engine had exploded on the highway where I continued to exist in fear of my car instead of checking the oil on my own, regularily, and bringing the car into the shop to get check ups
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect checking my oil regularily so that I have established a clear understanding of when something is wrong with the car because I have the frame of reference and in the case where my car had been leaking oil- I would have seen and understood this point that could have given me different options in terms of keeping the vehicle and doing the repair verses letting the car go and starting over with a new car
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate the responsibility of purchasing a car through relying on my father to help me purchase a car, where I had not investigated different makes of car and their reviews to have a better understanding of what it is that I am looking for- and instead of doing this for myself accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear of vehicles and the responsibility of owning a vehicle
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear owning a vehicle because they cost a lot of money and I want to keep my money so that I can spend it on things that i generate positive feelings from instead of spending money on basic necessities that don't
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend money from the starting point of 'making myself feel better' / for a feeling / positivity instead of breathing and bringing myself back here in living practically in providing my home and my body all of the basic necessities that support practical living
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the mechanics for how I had to spend the majority of my savings on my vehicle when in actuality- it is the relationship that I created within myself towards cars that created the situation / event that I had faced and really had nothing to do with the mechanics even though, they had made a small mistake, though as I have shown I have made mistakes and it has been my mis takes that lead me to finally face the responsibility that I have to myself and others when having and owning a vehicle
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell lies about the mechanics where in my mind I had placed the blame solely on the mechanics and repeated this to myself many times over until it became a script I spoke to others about my situation in an attempt to control how I and others perceived the situation in making me the victim when I am not the victim and the mechanics had supported me every step of the way where they even gave me discount prices and looked at my car for free where the dealership would have charged me to look at the car
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of myself for lying and making out that the mechanics were to blame when they had supported me and so I commit myself to stop the pattern and cycle of victimization within myself so that I can see clearly to no longer accept or allow thoughts of projection and blame towards others in my world and take responsibility for me in how I created my own situations / events for me to face and within this give myself the opportunity to develop effective relationships with others
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support me through tough times even though everyone has been supportive of me through this period
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed self pity within me in actively comparing my situation with the situations of my family members and judging my situation as harder even though I have no idea what a person experiences within themselves and their own personal struggles or triumphs and so deceive myself into believing that I am worse off when that is not the case because I am a self created person and what the events and situations have reflected and shown me is where I have not been self honest with myself and with others, where it is that I can change and direct myself through my own consequences and stand up from within them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself and to speak to others from the starting point of self-pity and expect a different result than pity in our exchange in conversation and to within this- fall into the pit even further through confirming and validating my self pity because I have 2 or more in my name justifying the same point instead of keeping quiet with points that I am not stable speaking about in ensuring that I do not self-sabotage myself as I see that who I have been throughout this month as been like a teeter toter and this one point of sharing has been a catalyst for me in terms of self pity and so, I commit myself to no longer speak about my problems and issues that I am busy working with and facing because I will no longer create myself as victim / if I catch myself within the victim personality I stop and breathe
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing things for myself like for instance checking the oil or pumping air into my tires within the excuse that I need someone to show me how instead of taking initiative for myself in supporting myself to do something I have never done before and walk it on my own
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking points on my own where I have either seen someone do it once or not at all
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed limitation in only ever walking a point when I have seen others do it first
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of starting a new action and within this manipulate others to walk these points for me instead
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to give myself credit that I am perfectly capable of doing things on my own
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry with myself in the realisation of my self dishonesties where I create myself as a victim and then manipulate myself and others to exaggerate the story to make it seem worse off than it actually is and so I commit myself to expose this point to myself and open it up to ensure that I do not walk into this pattern because I know where it leads and Im not willing to go there
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself sick from stress and worry over my vehicle in the past month through seeing what was going on with awareness but not apply myself in self forgiveness daily no matter what because through accepting and allowing the excuse that -I cant deal with this- I cant do anything until this point is sorted- the point escalated within me until I became sick and it was unnecessary and I see that I could have walked through these issues within and as breath in every time something comes up I forgive myself and continue breathing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a reaction towards the addictions that come up within my mind where I realised that victimization had become an addiction that I found very hard to kick because in every moment I had to stop myself from going into victimization and so define the addictions in the mind as 'more than' the physical addictions that I have walked through when in reality, they are one in the same based on physiology and so this addiction to victimization is no more or less than any other addiction that I have faced within myself

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sally
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Re: Sallys SF

Postby sally » 23 Feb 2017, 20:11

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the fact that I had been missing parts at work where, I inevitably was brought in to be disciplined for my work performance- on my car and the stress that I have been under surrounding my car and the lay off even though the issue is not actually the car or the layoff it is who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become at work for missing parts
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a story within myself when faced with disciplinary action towards me where I have exaggerated the story I have told management because when I was told that I would be layed off work- I was initially looking forward to the layoff
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be self honest about the reasons for why I had missed parts at work as I see that the reason for why I had made mistakes at work was because I was not here in every moment but in my mind of energies and feelings
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the managers were picking on me specifically instead of realizing that yes, I have been missing parts at work and that is my responsibility and what this shows about myself is the tendency I have to point the finger towards others and say 'well what about them' instead of seeing the feedback as points that I can change and do better with
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take it personally when management approaches me in a state of negative energy where I pick up on the energy and accept it and allow it within myself as well instead of stopping within myself, ask the other for a moment and ground myself in breath to then start the conversation from stability rather than reaction
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to realise that the reason behind why I had initially thought that the managers were picking on me was because I had developed an ineffective relationship with the manager that to me gave reason as to why they were apparently picking on me instead of learning what it was I had created within the relationship, reflect on who I was within what I do and from here, apply myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as lazy instead of realizing that I judge myself for my own laziness and projecting that onto others and within this seeing into myself in realizing that I have accepted and allowed laziness-- see where it is that I can apply direction in my life where normally i had accepted procrastination such as, applying my school work / dip / cleaning etc taking care of and supporting myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into superiority and arrogance towards a manager when I saw that he was deliberately unhelpful to our team / line and believe that he was being spiteful towards our manager and within this- go into a form of spitefulness towards him in making me the one who is right for spiting the spiteful instead of realizing that I was not actually interested in what I made myself out to be in caring about others in wanting to stick up for them but actually my own self interest in wanting to be right because I realise that spitefulness is not going to stop spitefulness and I must first stop spitefulness within myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become spiteful towards the manager within expecting that he act a certain way and behave a certain way and so I commit myself to drop the spitefulness and the separation and so next time I interact with this person- to stand my ground within me in not accepting or allowing myself to go into spitefulness or separation and hide through averting eye contact but to be open
I commit myself to stop going into my mind and making the issue larger than what it is through stopping my thoughts, debunking my thoughts with writing and self forgiveness
I commit myself to bring inner conflict points towards others in my world back to myself
I commit myself to stop the spitefulness towards others in my world through bringing my responsibility back to me in realizing how I created the situation and so from here find solutions
I commit myself to, every time it is that spitefulness comes up within me- to stop and breathe and say no Im not going there
I commit myself to make sure that I am here at work and that all the parts are going onto the car
I commit myself to become more effective when dealing with others at work through writing self forgiveness and commitment statements
I commit myself to, when another approaches me with negative energy to stop within myself in recognition of the other, the moment, myself in making sure that I breathe / do not go into negative emotion as well
I commit myself to stop avoiding another in actually avoiding parts of myself that I have connected to others

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Leila
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Re: Sallys SF

Postby Leila » 23 Feb 2017, 23:41

Your car self forgiveness reminds me of my own experience with cars. I don't have a drivers license yet because throughout most of my life I hadn't had the need to - though now I am going to get my license as circumstances have changed.

When I was young I was once sitting in our car while we were giving it a wash on our street. Our street had an angle to it running downwards, and I was playing with the gears 'pretending' to drive the car. My brother told my dad and my dad freaked out on me that I should never ever do that again.
Since then I had tremendous fear of driving cars/touching anything in the car and would have recurring nightmares of being in the car and the car suddenly driving/rolling down the street where I always inevitably run into an accident.

Then not so long ago, LJ showed me some basic parts of driving and how a car works. That night I had the same childhood nightmare again! But this time I was able to stop the car and get out haha - because I know had the knowledge and understanding of how the car works.

So this was quite interesting to see and what I saw in your writing as well, in how - missing some parts of information or understanding, that void being there, creates a lot of doubt, fear and uncertainty - which can so easily be directed when we find out those missing pieces.

Thanks for sharing Sally!

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sally
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Re: Sallys SF

Postby sally » 28 Feb 2017, 19:41

Thanks for your feedback Leila, Its interesting because I had a very similar experience when I was a child too. I was sitting in the car with my sister being goofy fooling around with the vehicle when I hit the stick shift and the car started rolling backwards down the driveway. My mom was very emotional because she was scared that I would hit a neighbour child but luckily we lived in a small dead end street and only got to the end of the driveway before we stopped. I can see how this memory may have influenced my relationships towards cars in being more reluctant to get hands on and is a cool reminder now to push through and become more hands on and knowledgeable in terms of its mechanics-- thanks for sharing your story

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sally
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Re: Sallys SF

Postby sally » 28 Feb 2017, 19:42

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be upset with me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hard on me
I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to fall in my process for an extended period of time because within that time I accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself and so even the small basic needs were not met let alone the consideration to do something further for myself like taking courses for an apprenticeship offered at work
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to see any worth in myself that I would do things to support me through that time
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define worth outside of me in relationships to others and to only give myself worth based on the feedback of others where I trapped myself in polarity of positive / negative unable to direct myself and give myself the basic support that the body needs and the consideration of how to further support myself financially in this world
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold it against myself that I didn't upgrade my highschool marks in math and science earlier so that I could have the opportunity to be chosen for an apprenticeship at work and now that the door of opportunity is closing on me- feel self pity for myself
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for myself in terms of providing myself the basic necessities and also within this make a decision to support me to move in terms of a career and money
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel dissapointed that this door is closing for me but I realise there will be other opportunities and I can take what Ive learned from my mistakes here and apply myself in the future
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate the decision to apply for an apprenticeship at work
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to self sabotage myself through listening to the thoughts in my mind and judgments in my mind that I am not good enough / smart enough and that because I am not a man the odds are against me instead of realizing that it was my own thoughts and judgments that I allowed to sabotage me and so in the future when faced with a decision i commit myself to not listen to the thoughts in my mind and judgments but rather make a decision and follow through on the practical steps to get there no matter what comes up within me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the odds are always against me and that this world is set up against me instead of realizing that what this shows me is the relationship that I have formed and developed within myself to myself and so I commit myself to walk out of self pity and into self creation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and charge that judgment with emotional energy when it is I see that I have made a mistake instead of simply standing up from the mis take in learning what it is that I can do better and walk the solutions instead of wallowing in self pity that actually perpetuates the mistake I had made in the first place
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lash out towards myself in self judgment together with emotional energy when it is I see I have made a mistake and then go into a point of self pity in an attempt to sooth and comfort myself instead of, when it is I see I have made a mistake-- stand up and walk the corrections
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself and others through judgment in not realizing the effects and consequences judgments can have on the body, relationships and my world where I suppress my potential to stand up and change
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to use my time constructively in seeing what needs to be done, writing a list of things I can do and do them
I commit myself to continue supporting my body through exercise, eating well and regularly in making sure that the amount I eat every day is sufficient and enough and within this I commit myself to cut down on chocolate because I see that I have allowed myself to overindulge in chocolate. I commit myself to push myself harder in my workouts to see what I am capable within myself because I see that in many areas I take it easy on myself where i take long breaks or cut the reps short because I don't like the experience of feeling overheated or sweating but thats actually only a resistance because afterwards when I do push myself I am satisfied with my application because I knew I gave it my all.
I commit myself to make decisions about my future in terms of my career and future job opportunities in applying myself with the practical steps that will lead me to the desired outcome and stop any form of thoughts and judgments that would sabotage me in that process
I commit myself to let go of the mistakes that I have made that had led up to this point where the door of opportunity in this space / time is now closing and to take with me that I can not sit on the fence in allowing thoughts / judgments to disempower me, to support my physical body and environment to the best of my ability and to use my time effectively in no longer accepting or allowing myself to procrastinate
I commit myself to continue walking through these points in more specificity to support me to walk the solutions and corrections that I realise I can apply myself further

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sally
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Re: Sallys SF

Postby sally » 20 Mar 2017, 00:13

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak with myself in allowing my thoughts to sway me into the mind of distraction in finding humour in anothers situation and thinking to myself that this form of participation in the mind is harmless
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find humour in anothers position where I would not want to be in that position and would not like it if others were to find humour in the situation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in my application of self support after work on friday when I missed a car
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into blame where I have blamed others for the situation instead of being diligent in stopping the blame and taking the responsibility for me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to pass the blame towards others instead of realizing that I actually want to take responsibility in my life and to live integrity
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail in my application of correction within who i am at work in checking my work
i forgive myself for accepted and allowing myself to fear the meeting of discipline that I will have with my managers
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that they will get angry with me and talk to me in a belittling manner
i forgive myself that I never accepted and allowed myself to consider to find solutions to the issues that I face such as, when and as I see management is becoming angry and belittling, I stop and I breathe, I realise that it is not personal and doesnt define who I am and so remain here in breath
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into my mind through seeking distraction and entertainment from work
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as more than work and more than the work that I do instead of realizing that the work I do is physical and so ground myself back in the physical to see how I can further develop my awareness in support of my body

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that it is impossible for me to remain here in breath as awareness in every moment, but especially at work
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy the excuse that the work I do is responsible for why it would be impossible to remain aware here in breath in every moment because the work I do is repetitive instead of realizing that I have limited my awareness in every moment of breath to an outside separate source I deem as either entertaining enough to keep me here and breathing or not and thus
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my self awareness in every moment of breath through giving my power away to an outside separate source that determines who I am and who I will be at work instead of taking my power back in realizing my own self responsibility of me and that my judgment of a task does not determine who i am at work and so I commit myself to be aware, here in every moment of breath
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the work I do as horrendously boring because I repeat the same task every minute instead of stopping myself in such moments where I judge the work that I do in seeing that it is my mind that is bored and unstimulated and its my participation in the mind of thoughts energies and feelings that cannot stand for the work I do because physically the work is not an issue
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame outside separate manifestations for why it is apparently impossible for me to remain here in breath in every moment at work
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the reality of being here in every moment of breath repeating the same task hundreds of times a day
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself into believing that it is ok to think and entertain myself in thoughts at work and that this will not have any consequence when it does
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself in the mind at work
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to chase entertainment and positive feelings and experiences at work


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