I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be kind to others based on a desire to get something in return as i have become addicted to the positive feelings of comfort and belonging and supported and within this create an experience of myself as being included and through that fuel that polarity of being excluded and thus a loser and when i am included feel good, popular and secure.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be seen by others as included, popular and thus do acts of kindness to get this stand within my peer group or those i am with to be able to stand on good terms with them and thus have more of an ability to be secure and safe in my enviroment because i have deemed the world is unsafe and will fuck me up if i don’t have security.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into fearing the world and the instability in the world as i have accepted and allowed myself to fear it within myself, and so ignore it, judge it as bad, and suppress it and use positivity as good feelings to distract myself from what is actually real within me as the hell that i have been living within but ignoring as well as the hell that is in this world that i have been living within but ignoring with positive things such as family, compliments, and ego as group popularity.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go a step further within this design of fear and protection where i have deemed others who are not in this group as popular or cool based on specific looks and behaviors as bad, not good people, ignorant, and losers when in reality i am fearing to be placed in that group and thus fear the abuse i have received equally so as i am doing to those that are not in the popular/cool group and thus perpetuate the separation of myself within myself through fearing being there and thus running away from it and separating myself from others by labeling them and comparing myself to them, and using experiences such as a feeling of being cool and popular through using kindness as a way to get in and so i can be secure and safe from these judgments and abuses that i have done onto others and so equally done onto myself and thus fear and separate myself from people i have deemed less then so it doesn't happen to me and i can ignore it as if it doesn't exist, this only fucking myself and all life as it's not real, it's abusive, and consequential very much so.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the word kind as a way to keep my limitations in place as fear of people and fear of abuse, and so please people with kindness so i am secure with them and leave behind all those who don’t fit in this cool group or are kind and allow abuse and harm to be done onto them because i myself accept and allow it within my world and myself as i fear it and thus create it and keep it in place by doing nothing to stop it, understand it, and thus find solutions for it.
I commit myself to use the word kind as a way to check in with myself and see who i am within my mind, am i accepting and allowing separation as this fear of judgment and abuse or am i facing myself, my fears, understanding them beyond the energy, and finding solutions that are best for all.
i commit myself to release this fear through living the word here, understanding as i get to the root of what is here as the issue/problem within self and so within others and walk solutions that will be best for all.
i commit myself to live the word inclusion where i stand to include all as self as i walk here seeing all as life and within that the potential of the best that can be lived as i practice living this inclusion equally with myself by speaking openly to those i don't know or have judged in the past and standing within myself stopping any judgment as it comes up.
I commit myself to live the word physical as i see all as substance, life, and stand within myself as this by touching my physical hands and holding them together to represent that we are physical each and all, realizing i am walking a process of correction and realignment within myself as my mind from separation into the physical equal and one and this is a process, yet what remains is life here and is equal and one within all as self.
I commit myself to live my words within and without until i am here and it is done.