New Blog: Lindsay's Journey to Life
Here, My Journey to Life Begins with the process of Writing, Self-Forgiveness & Self-Corrective Application - to Release & Bring to the Point of Nothingness All that which is not in Service to Life in Every Possible Way; from Nothingness I Stand to Create a Life that is Best for All. Walk with me as I Reveal the Secret to Nothingness.
A Psychologist's Journey to Life
Re: Lindsay's Journey to Life
by Lindsay » 14 Apr 2012, 14:07
Day 1: I am not Alive...yet
Day 1:
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to copy and integrate within myself the sins of the fathers as all those who have gone before me without question; without seeing/realizing/understanding that nothing that has ever come before me has been anything of significance as it was built upon fear/deception/spitefulness/self-interest and in no way created or manifested a world that is best for all life, as this is clearly indicated in the extensive abuse and suffering unfolding in this world on a daily basis.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to copy and integrate within myself all the insignificant thoughts/words/deeds that have come before me within the believe that I would somehow ‘become something significant’ by doing this, as that was what I was told I must do to survive and ‘make it’ in this world – thus I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to slow down and self-honestly see the fact of the matter, that throughout time the accumulation of humanity’s self-interested excuses and fear have only further diminished us, wherein our complete disregard for life has brought us to the precipice of manifesting the total acceptance and allowance of ourselves as insignificant, to the point of annihilation and obliteration from the face of this Earth.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to disregard the signs that were starkly before me showing me the true nature of myself as a human being, reflecting me back to me as a mirror of my insignificance:in-sign-if-i-cant – meaning, if I can’t see my own irrelevance, I must look in the signs – the physical does not lie, only me as a mind lies – within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as the ‘signs of the times’ and my ability/opportunity to 'read the signs' and thus correct myself effectively to, from out of nothingness/insignificance, create myself and this world into a direct expression of a Life worth Living.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hide in cowardice from my point of self-responsibility, and to within this point of self-manipulation and self-deception, label my cowardice as ‘strength’ and ‘courage’ within the belief that, because I apparently ‘chose’ the path of rebellion, I was standing up to a system that I was in fact only separating myself from in not seeing the reality of myself as the creator of all that is here as an equal and one expression of who I am, as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become AS the system that is here, which I am in no way able to separate myself from, no matter how hard I may try.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had the ability to decide /choose who I am without realizing who I am as creator.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself tot ry/attempt to evade my point of self-responsibility to be disciplined, as a Disciple of Life, to direct myself as creator within each and every breath to do whatever it takes to stop all that within myself, and as such within this world,that is not an expression of dignified living, and to instead accept and allow myself to follow after justifications, excuses, and hollow explanations as to why I am not able to change myself nor this world to ensure that every single relationship, including the primary relationship with myself, is aligned within the principle of what is best for all in equality and oneness.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed from myself less than who I really am as Life and to thus within this accept and allow less than who each and every being in this entire existence is as Life – this,within the realization that what I accept and allow within myself, I will accept and allow in all that is here, as this indicates separation and that I have not yet stood as the self-directive principle to ensure that all of me, as all that is here, is cared for, and given unconditionally that which I would like to receive.
Here, I make a Self-Directed Agreement with myself that when and as I see myself filling myself with thoughts/feelings/emotions/picture images/memories which I am not the self-directed principle of and which have no significance/relevance to what is here – I stop, I breathe – I let go and clear myself in one breath by/through allowing the thoughts/feelings/emotions/picture images/memories to pass through me without hesitation, resistance, or a want/need/desire to hold on in any way, as I see clearly that participating in even one single thought is accepting and allowing an entire existence of abuse withinseparation and spitefulness to continue unimpeded.
Instead of copying the conditioned patterns of my forefathers, which in no way reflect even a shred of integrity or honour, I stand here to cut the chains that have bound me to a pre-programmed existence of limitation and pain. I let go of my past. I direct me to change and correct me down to the very cells of my being. I take self-responsibility in this one life I have been given unconditionally to dare to care - within the realization that countless beings have died and are continuing to die on a moment to moment basis all so I can continue breathing here.
Therefore, I admit in humbleness that I am not yet alive,nor living - yet I stand and unconditionally walk this process within an absolute self-commitment to correct myself, expand myself, direct myself, take self-responsibility and walk myself into LIFE and LIVING, for real – and do not allow myself to squander this one opportunity I have on this Earth to birth myself as Life from the physical.
From this here-point of realizing the nothingness that I have always been throughout existence, I stand to become a Disciple of Life,and discipline myself to empty out of my entire beingness all that which is not aligned within the single principle of what is Best for All Life, and to thus then, out of nothingness, birth myself here as Creator of a New World.
Day 1:
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to copy and integrate within myself the sins of the fathers as all those who have gone before me without question; without seeing/realizing/understanding that nothing that has ever come before me has been anything of significance as it was built upon fear/deception/spitefulness/self-interest and in no way created or manifested a world that is best for all life, as this is clearly indicated in the extensive abuse and suffering unfolding in this world on a daily basis.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to copy and integrate within myself all the insignificant thoughts/words/deeds that have come before me within the believe that I would somehow ‘become something significant’ by doing this, as that was what I was told I must do to survive and ‘make it’ in this world – thus I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to slow down and self-honestly see the fact of the matter, that throughout time the accumulation of humanity’s self-interested excuses and fear have only further diminished us, wherein our complete disregard for life has brought us to the precipice of manifesting the total acceptance and allowance of ourselves as insignificant, to the point of annihilation and obliteration from the face of this Earth.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to disregard the signs that were starkly before me showing me the true nature of myself as a human being, reflecting me back to me as a mirror of my insignificance:in-sign-if-i-cant – meaning, if I can’t see my own irrelevance, I must look in the signs – the physical does not lie, only me as a mind lies – within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as the ‘signs of the times’ and my ability/opportunity to 'read the signs' and thus correct myself effectively to, from out of nothingness/insignificance, create myself and this world into a direct expression of a Life worth Living.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hide in cowardice from my point of self-responsibility, and to within this point of self-manipulation and self-deception, label my cowardice as ‘strength’ and ‘courage’ within the belief that, because I apparently ‘chose’ the path of rebellion, I was standing up to a system that I was in fact only separating myself from in not seeing the reality of myself as the creator of all that is here as an equal and one expression of who I am, as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become AS the system that is here, which I am in no way able to separate myself from, no matter how hard I may try.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had the ability to decide /choose who I am without realizing who I am as creator.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself tot ry/attempt to evade my point of self-responsibility to be disciplined, as a Disciple of Life, to direct myself as creator within each and every breath to do whatever it takes to stop all that within myself, and as such within this world,that is not an expression of dignified living, and to instead accept and allow myself to follow after justifications, excuses, and hollow explanations as to why I am not able to change myself nor this world to ensure that every single relationship, including the primary relationship with myself, is aligned within the principle of what is best for all in equality and oneness.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed from myself less than who I really am as Life and to thus within this accept and allow less than who each and every being in this entire existence is as Life – this,within the realization that what I accept and allow within myself, I will accept and allow in all that is here, as this indicates separation and that I have not yet stood as the self-directive principle to ensure that all of me, as all that is here, is cared for, and given unconditionally that which I would like to receive.
Here, I make a Self-Directed Agreement with myself that when and as I see myself filling myself with thoughts/feelings/emotions/picture images/memories which I am not the self-directed principle of and which have no significance/relevance to what is here – I stop, I breathe – I let go and clear myself in one breath by/through allowing the thoughts/feelings/emotions/picture images/memories to pass through me without hesitation, resistance, or a want/need/desire to hold on in any way, as I see clearly that participating in even one single thought is accepting and allowing an entire existence of abuse withinseparation and spitefulness to continue unimpeded.
Instead of copying the conditioned patterns of my forefathers, which in no way reflect even a shred of integrity or honour, I stand here to cut the chains that have bound me to a pre-programmed existence of limitation and pain. I let go of my past. I direct me to change and correct me down to the very cells of my being. I take self-responsibility in this one life I have been given unconditionally to dare to care - within the realization that countless beings have died and are continuing to die on a moment to moment basis all so I can continue breathing here.
Therefore, I admit in humbleness that I am not yet alive,nor living - yet I stand and unconditionally walk this process within an absolute self-commitment to correct myself, expand myself, direct myself, take self-responsibility and walk myself into LIFE and LIVING, for real – and do not allow myself to squander this one opportunity I have on this Earth to birth myself as Life from the physical.
From this here-point of realizing the nothingness that I have always been throughout existence, I stand to become a Disciple of Life,and discipline myself to empty out of my entire beingness all that which is not aligned within the single principle of what is Best for All Life, and to thus then, out of nothingness, birth myself here as Creator of a New World.
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Lindsay - Posts: 1622
- Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:50
Re: Lindsay's Journey to Life
by Anna » 14 Apr 2012, 17:44
Here, I make a Self-Directed Agreement with myself that when and as I see myself filling myself with thoughts/feelings/emotions/picture images/memories which I am not the self-directed principle of and which have no significance/relevance to what is here – I stop, I breathe – I let go and clear myself in one breath by/through allowing the thoughts/feelings/emotions/picture images/memories to pass through me without hesitation, resistance, or a want/need/desire to hold on in any way, as I see clearly that participating in even one single thought is accepting and allowing an entire existence of abuse withinseparation and spitefulness to continue unimpeded.
Instead of copying the conditioned patterns of my forefathers, which in no way reflect even a shred of integrity or honour, I stand here to cut the chains that have bound me to a pre-programmed existence of limitation and pain. I let go of my past. I direct me to change and correct me down to the very cells of my being. I take self-responsibility in this one life I have been given unconditionally to dare to care - within the realization that countless beings have died and are continuing to die on a moment to moment basis all so I can continue breathing here.
Therefore, I admit in humbleness that I am not yet alive,nor living - yet I stand and unconditionally walk this process within an absolute self-commitment to correct myself, expand myself, direct myself, take self-responsibility and walk myself into LIFE and LIVING, for real – and do not allow myself to squander this one opportunity I have on this Earth to birth myself as Life from the physical.
THANK YOU!
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Anna - Posts: 2190
- Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
- Location: Uppsala, Sweden
Re: Lindsay's Journey to Life
by Lindsay » 15 Apr 2012, 17:45
Day 2: Who am I as Creator within Thoughts/Words/Deeds
Day 2: Who am I as Creator within Thoughts/Words/Deeds
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be aware of each and every one of my thoughts/words/deeds and to thus then in turn evade my point of self-responsibility to in each moment align myself as the self-directive principle to what is Best for All Life within considering all points/parts and the subsequent consequences that my thoughts/words/deeds have for myself, for others, this world, and existence as a whole.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in even a single excuse as to why I am not able to stand accountable to who I am as the Living Word in each moment of breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the only one effected by my thoughts/words/deeds and to thus then within this deny my equality and oneness with all that is here so as to remain ignorant, ignoring my responsibility to consider all Life, as Life, in every single facet, aspect and relationship – with each breath and step that I take.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak words and bring words to action that are not a Living Expression of what is Best for All Life, but to instead speak and act from an automated personality pattern that I designed within the confines of my mind, having no regard for the consequential outflow of this in physical reality, nor for who I am as a Creator and the immense responsibility that comes with that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind speak on behalf of who I am as Life, wherein only my self-interest is considered and not the interest of all Life – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself as the self-directive principle of my life to instead allow my mind to take over and disempower my ability to direct a point effectively within what is Best for All.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to make a deliberate living agreement with myself to be here; to be aware of my every movement, my every thought, my every word, my environment, my surroundings – the totality of myself as all that is here – so as to effectively align myself and my decisions within the context and consideration of all points/parts so that when and as I move, I move equal to and one with all of existence as a fluid self-expression of Life.
Therefore, I hereby commit myself to walk a self-agreement of integrity and awareness, wherein each moment I remain here 100%, considering each point/part and potential consequence to ensure that I always place myself in a position that has an outcome of what is best for all Life.
There is no ‘middle ground’ for me to stand on, and as such I commit myself to stand with both feet firmly on the ground 100% and from here walk myself out of my mind into the physical to become the Life that I have always been, but did not allow myself to see due to fear.
I commit myself to become more than just a mind drifting along in apathy and indifference to the state of myself and this world, as I see clearly what this has created – an existence of brutality, strife, spitefulness, and exploitation beyond measure. This is unacceptable.
I make an agreement with myself to: when and as I see myself become tempted to participate in a delusion of mind – I stop, I breathe – I bring myself back here to Earth. I direct myself to Earth-Myself; to release the energetic movement as temptation back into the Earth from which it came.
I make an agreement with myself to: when and as I see myself in a situation where I am about to speak or make a decision – I stop, I breathe – I slow myself down and allow myself to consider all points, all consequences for all beings involved, wherein I bring the point here within myself and stand before each and every being involved to ensure that the words I speak and decision(s) I make are within the best interest of all and within this ensure that I am willing/able to take full self-responsibility for any and all consequential outflow of my thoughts/words/deeds till the end of time.
If I see in that moment that I am not willing/able to take self-responsibility within the context of the situation, I do not speak/act, but continue to push myself to find a solution that will in fact be what is best for all – no matter how long it takes.
Day 2: Who am I as Creator within Thoughts/Words/Deeds
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be aware of each and every one of my thoughts/words/deeds and to thus then in turn evade my point of self-responsibility to in each moment align myself as the self-directive principle to what is Best for All Life within considering all points/parts and the subsequent consequences that my thoughts/words/deeds have for myself, for others, this world, and existence as a whole.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in even a single excuse as to why I am not able to stand accountable to who I am as the Living Word in each moment of breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the only one effected by my thoughts/words/deeds and to thus then within this deny my equality and oneness with all that is here so as to remain ignorant, ignoring my responsibility to consider all Life, as Life, in every single facet, aspect and relationship – with each breath and step that I take.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak words and bring words to action that are not a Living Expression of what is Best for All Life, but to instead speak and act from an automated personality pattern that I designed within the confines of my mind, having no regard for the consequential outflow of this in physical reality, nor for who I am as a Creator and the immense responsibility that comes with that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind speak on behalf of who I am as Life, wherein only my self-interest is considered and not the interest of all Life – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself as the self-directive principle of my life to instead allow my mind to take over and disempower my ability to direct a point effectively within what is Best for All.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to make a deliberate living agreement with myself to be here; to be aware of my every movement, my every thought, my every word, my environment, my surroundings – the totality of myself as all that is here – so as to effectively align myself and my decisions within the context and consideration of all points/parts so that when and as I move, I move equal to and one with all of existence as a fluid self-expression of Life.
Therefore, I hereby commit myself to walk a self-agreement of integrity and awareness, wherein each moment I remain here 100%, considering each point/part and potential consequence to ensure that I always place myself in a position that has an outcome of what is best for all Life.
There is no ‘middle ground’ for me to stand on, and as such I commit myself to stand with both feet firmly on the ground 100% and from here walk myself out of my mind into the physical to become the Life that I have always been, but did not allow myself to see due to fear.
I commit myself to become more than just a mind drifting along in apathy and indifference to the state of myself and this world, as I see clearly what this has created – an existence of brutality, strife, spitefulness, and exploitation beyond measure. This is unacceptable.
I make an agreement with myself to: when and as I see myself become tempted to participate in a delusion of mind – I stop, I breathe – I bring myself back here to Earth. I direct myself to Earth-Myself; to release the energetic movement as temptation back into the Earth from which it came.
I make an agreement with myself to: when and as I see myself in a situation where I am about to speak or make a decision – I stop, I breathe – I slow myself down and allow myself to consider all points, all consequences for all beings involved, wherein I bring the point here within myself and stand before each and every being involved to ensure that the words I speak and decision(s) I make are within the best interest of all and within this ensure that I am willing/able to take full self-responsibility for any and all consequential outflow of my thoughts/words/deeds till the end of time.
If I see in that moment that I am not willing/able to take self-responsibility within the context of the situation, I do not speak/act, but continue to push myself to find a solution that will in fact be what is best for all – no matter how long it takes.
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Lindsay - Posts: 1622
- Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:50
Re: Lindsay's Journey to Life
by Rozelle de Lange » 15 Apr 2012, 22:40
Very cool self-forgiveness here! Thanks for sharing Lindsay.
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Rozelle de Lange - Posts: 576
- Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 14:04
Re: Lindsay's Journey to Life
by Lindsay » 16 Apr 2012, 21:34
Day 3: Who am I as Creator of Hesitation?
Day 3: Who am I as Creator of Hesitation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off till a ‘later’ that can only exist as a projection into the future within my mind, that which I am able to move myself and do in a single moment of breath, here – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create/generate/perpetuate, even if for a single moment, justifications/excuses which I allow to idle me and as such become physically integrated into my being so as to manipulate myself into claiming why I am unable to ‘move,’ as if the physical experience of immobility is real and justifiable and not a direct consequence of me participating in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my ability to mobilize myself within any given task by/through giving into resistance and allowing my mind to be the directive principle, instead of me deciding for me who I am, who I will be and what I will be in any given moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let heSITation and POSTponement direct me wherein I allow myself to ‘post up’ and ‘sit’ around waiting for the ‘right moment’ when I will ‘feel’ like doing whatever it is that I require to get done instead of transcending the energetic experience of resistance and supporting myself effectively by/through daring to care about myself enough to not accept anything less than who I am as Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed even a moment of consideration to my mind as a single hesitation or a lingering in a mind-limbo before directing a point - a point which requires my direction in absolute hereness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create/generate/perpetuate and WAIT for energy in order to move myself instead of me moving me here as a self-directed expression of Life, which does not require energy, does not require the mind, and does not require thoughts/feelings/emotions to move, but is an effortless breath by breath physical flow within/as self-awareness considering all in each moment; leaving not a single part out of the equation within the realization that anything less than standing 100% equal and one as what is best for all in each moment is 100% self-interest and as such is unacceptable, because to allow one single thought to direct me is in that moment stating that my mind is greater than me, that I am inferior, a slave, chasing after phantoms within my mind which will disappear when I die, along with the entirety of myself as who I believe myself to be, as I in no way made myself in this one Life into anything of actual substance or relevance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to argue for my limitations within my mind wherein I allow my mind to have more impact on my decisions than standing up, not taking shit from myself, and deciding for myself that I dedicate myself to in every way be/become Life to the fullest expression of perfection - to make an actual impact that is measurable and substantial in myself, this world, existence in its entirety to such an extent that when who I am as ‘Lindsay’ dies in this life, the entire world and all of existence feels it down to the very minute core of all that is here.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to LIVE the realization that what I accept and allow within/as myself in self-dishonesty/self-deception/self-interest does not only affect me, but affects countless beings, as me enslaved to my mind renders me useless to myself, others, this world, all of existence – as I am no longer here, but am in some alternate dimension where I am a complete and utter slave unto myself, not even aware of a single movement or breath in this physical, tangible reality - let alone the innumerable and incalculable beings in this physical reality, which are all equal and one to myself, who are suffering, being abused, starving, tormented, being raped, molested and screaming into deaf ears as each moment goes by, while I search for a ‘happy place’ in my mind to dwell and idle hoping that ‘it will all just go away’ and that I won’t have to be the one who takes self-responsibility as Creator and stops this abomination once and for all.
Here I stand and make this commitment to myself as Life, the Life which I see in self-honesty I have allowed to become trapped and imprisoned within a mind – I commit myself to set myself free and walk myself from an insubstantial mind-slave to a Creator who is the image and likeness of absolute Perfection of Life.
When and as I see myself participating in a single thought which is enticing me to become idle, apathetic, lethargic or indifferent to the reality of what is here and as such what is required to walk to bring into wholeness all that has been shattered and separated due to fear – I stop, I breathe – I immediately move myself, push through the resistance and do what is essential to be done in that moment to align myself to Life, as Life, without hesitation.
I commit myself to walk here in gentle brutality, realizing that it will take time for me to release myself of all the patterns/designs and programs I have accepted and allowed within/as myself, yet not allowing justifications/excuses/insecurities to direct me.
I commit myself to be gentle with myself, yet brutal in application, in no longer accepting and allowing myself to abuse my physical body into submission to my mind’s will, but instead I commit to be/become SELF-willed and deliberate in my stance of WHO I AM as Creator, as an unshakable force to be reckoned with.
Day 3: Who am I as Creator of Hesitation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off till a ‘later’ that can only exist as a projection into the future within my mind, that which I am able to move myself and do in a single moment of breath, here – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create/generate/perpetuate, even if for a single moment, justifications/excuses which I allow to idle me and as such become physically integrated into my being so as to manipulate myself into claiming why I am unable to ‘move,’ as if the physical experience of immobility is real and justifiable and not a direct consequence of me participating in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my ability to mobilize myself within any given task by/through giving into resistance and allowing my mind to be the directive principle, instead of me deciding for me who I am, who I will be and what I will be in any given moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let heSITation and POSTponement direct me wherein I allow myself to ‘post up’ and ‘sit’ around waiting for the ‘right moment’ when I will ‘feel’ like doing whatever it is that I require to get done instead of transcending the energetic experience of resistance and supporting myself effectively by/through daring to care about myself enough to not accept anything less than who I am as Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed even a moment of consideration to my mind as a single hesitation or a lingering in a mind-limbo before directing a point - a point which requires my direction in absolute hereness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create/generate/perpetuate and WAIT for energy in order to move myself instead of me moving me here as a self-directed expression of Life, which does not require energy, does not require the mind, and does not require thoughts/feelings/emotions to move, but is an effortless breath by breath physical flow within/as self-awareness considering all in each moment; leaving not a single part out of the equation within the realization that anything less than standing 100% equal and one as what is best for all in each moment is 100% self-interest and as such is unacceptable, because to allow one single thought to direct me is in that moment stating that my mind is greater than me, that I am inferior, a slave, chasing after phantoms within my mind which will disappear when I die, along with the entirety of myself as who I believe myself to be, as I in no way made myself in this one Life into anything of actual substance or relevance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to argue for my limitations within my mind wherein I allow my mind to have more impact on my decisions than standing up, not taking shit from myself, and deciding for myself that I dedicate myself to in every way be/become Life to the fullest expression of perfection - to make an actual impact that is measurable and substantial in myself, this world, existence in its entirety to such an extent that when who I am as ‘Lindsay’ dies in this life, the entire world and all of existence feels it down to the very minute core of all that is here.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to LIVE the realization that what I accept and allow within/as myself in self-dishonesty/self-deception/self-interest does not only affect me, but affects countless beings, as me enslaved to my mind renders me useless to myself, others, this world, all of existence – as I am no longer here, but am in some alternate dimension where I am a complete and utter slave unto myself, not even aware of a single movement or breath in this physical, tangible reality - let alone the innumerable and incalculable beings in this physical reality, which are all equal and one to myself, who are suffering, being abused, starving, tormented, being raped, molested and screaming into deaf ears as each moment goes by, while I search for a ‘happy place’ in my mind to dwell and idle hoping that ‘it will all just go away’ and that I won’t have to be the one who takes self-responsibility as Creator and stops this abomination once and for all.
Here I stand and make this commitment to myself as Life, the Life which I see in self-honesty I have allowed to become trapped and imprisoned within a mind – I commit myself to set myself free and walk myself from an insubstantial mind-slave to a Creator who is the image and likeness of absolute Perfection of Life.
When and as I see myself participating in a single thought which is enticing me to become idle, apathetic, lethargic or indifferent to the reality of what is here and as such what is required to walk to bring into wholeness all that has been shattered and separated due to fear – I stop, I breathe – I immediately move myself, push through the resistance and do what is essential to be done in that moment to align myself to Life, as Life, without hesitation.
I commit myself to walk here in gentle brutality, realizing that it will take time for me to release myself of all the patterns/designs and programs I have accepted and allowed within/as myself, yet not allowing justifications/excuses/insecurities to direct me.
I commit myself to be gentle with myself, yet brutal in application, in no longer accepting and allowing myself to abuse my physical body into submission to my mind’s will, but instead I commit to be/become SELF-willed and deliberate in my stance of WHO I AM as Creator, as an unshakable force to be reckoned with.
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Lindsay - Posts: 1622
- Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:50
Re: Lindsay's Journey to Life
by Lindsay » 17 Apr 2012, 21:57
Day 4: Who am I as the Creator of Consequence
Day 4: Who am I as the Creator of Consequence
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself by/through rushing into things without considering all points/consequences beforehand to ensure that I am satisfied with the direction of the particular point and that the direction within which the point is heading is in fact what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when compromising myself within a particular point, go into an experience of regret and wishing that I could ‘turn back time’ and do things different, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the want/desire to evade self-responsibility for my actions as well as the consequence of my actions within the realization that I am the Creator.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a moral stance in regards to consequence - within the belief/perception that consequences that unfold due to not aligning a point within what is best for all are ‘bad’ and that I did something ‘wrong.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/perceive consequences within which I am satisfied are thus then ‘good’ and that I have done something ‘right.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use morality as what is perceived as ‘right’/’wrong’ as a way to abdicate my self-responsibility to ensure that I am stable, here, directive in the placement of my words and myself without any sort of energetic polarity charge.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a layer of commentary over my reality and thus then within this shift into an alternate dimension within my mind instead of correcting myself here in one moment of breath so as to realign myself to what is best for all, to ensure that from that moment forth the consequences which I bring forth into manifestation are within the consideration of the whole, as the sum of all parts – equal and one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect this physical reality, this Earth - the sky, trees, grass, plants, bugs, rain; the ground which supports me with each step – in order to participate in an illusion in my mind wherein I create delusional relationships based on misconceptions, gossip and trickery - instead of creating intimate relationships with this Earth that is here unconditionally sharing itself in each moment, showing me that I am able to do the same – equal and one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for creating consequences without considering that consequences which I deem as ‘wrong’/’bad’ are actually assisting me, for a moment, as an opportunity to face myself as all the thoughts/beliefs/perceptions I have around the particular point within which the consequence unfolded.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the consequences that I experience as ‘bad’/’wrong’ are not what are best for all, without humbly considering that what is best for all is that I walk through the consequence of my actions to be able to clearly face myself – to place myself within a situation/point where I am not able to deny the consequence – and to thus then from that point stand up, correct myself and change so as to purify myself.
I mean, if no point of resistance ever arose, or if consequence never so starkly showed me who I am accepting and allowing myself to be, then how would I see what I am existing within/as so I can properly stop, correct, and change myself to an effective being who is self-aware and deliberate in thought/word/deed?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to ‘fix’ the point within/through ‘figuring it out’ in my mind, playing out the scenarios that could potentially happen in the future where I may be able to correct the point, instead of letting go of the desire, remaining here, and practically, physically walking the correction breath by breath, within what is relevant to the moment.
When and as I see myself rushing through a point, a moment, a situation – I stop, I breathe – I slow down, stabilize myself, bringing myself back to the simplicity of breath to assess the point/moment/situation and consider all the potential outflows and consequences that I am able to see in that moment, realizing that there are indeed aspects that I may not be able to see/determine in that moment, yet within what I AM able to see I slowly, deliberately and with care, calculate and measure, so as to determine whether or not I am willing/able to stand self-responsible within that particular point/moment/situation and take on the consequences, whatever it may be, without allowing myself to participate in any type of energetic reaction/backchat/internal-commentary as a revenge of the ego set up to sabotage my self-directive will.
I commit myself to slow down and be deliberate in thought/word/deed to ‘shush’ the rush, silence myself, and be still in my movement.
I commit myself to sever the relationship ties that I have created within my mind which have ‘cut me off’ from this Earth and the innumerable beings that are here to participate with, equal and one. I commit myself to, with each step – be here - to not allow myself to take for granted the unconditional support that this Earth provides and is supporting me to see who I am, who I am able to be, as the potential of myself reflected back to me.
I commit myself to: when and as I see myself wanting/desiring to ‘figure things out’ in my mind – I stop, I breathe – I bring myself back here to physical reality and from here make a decision that is based on practicality, not a mind-illusion, as I realize that my mind is not interested in me walking a solution that is best for all and will thus then always and in every way try/attempt to deter me from supporting myself effectively within principle, thus…
I commit myself to be/become the self-directive principle of myself in every way – to not allow my mind to sweet-talk me into a corner wherein I trap myself and as such trap all of existence in my mind-delusion.
I realize here that it is my responsibility as Creator to create myself into the image and likeness of what is best for all Life, as the actual expression of who I am, and as such I commit myself to become courageous enough to breathe through each and every point of resistance that comes my way until here no further.
Day 4: Who am I as the Creator of Consequence
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself by/through rushing into things without considering all points/consequences beforehand to ensure that I am satisfied with the direction of the particular point and that the direction within which the point is heading is in fact what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when compromising myself within a particular point, go into an experience of regret and wishing that I could ‘turn back time’ and do things different, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the want/desire to evade self-responsibility for my actions as well as the consequence of my actions within the realization that I am the Creator.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a moral stance in regards to consequence - within the belief/perception that consequences that unfold due to not aligning a point within what is best for all are ‘bad’ and that I did something ‘wrong.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/perceive consequences within which I am satisfied are thus then ‘good’ and that I have done something ‘right.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use morality as what is perceived as ‘right’/’wrong’ as a way to abdicate my self-responsibility to ensure that I am stable, here, directive in the placement of my words and myself without any sort of energetic polarity charge.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a layer of commentary over my reality and thus then within this shift into an alternate dimension within my mind instead of correcting myself here in one moment of breath so as to realign myself to what is best for all, to ensure that from that moment forth the consequences which I bring forth into manifestation are within the consideration of the whole, as the sum of all parts – equal and one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect this physical reality, this Earth - the sky, trees, grass, plants, bugs, rain; the ground which supports me with each step – in order to participate in an illusion in my mind wherein I create delusional relationships based on misconceptions, gossip and trickery - instead of creating intimate relationships with this Earth that is here unconditionally sharing itself in each moment, showing me that I am able to do the same – equal and one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for creating consequences without considering that consequences which I deem as ‘wrong’/’bad’ are actually assisting me, for a moment, as an opportunity to face myself as all the thoughts/beliefs/perceptions I have around the particular point within which the consequence unfolded.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the consequences that I experience as ‘bad’/’wrong’ are not what are best for all, without humbly considering that what is best for all is that I walk through the consequence of my actions to be able to clearly face myself – to place myself within a situation/point where I am not able to deny the consequence – and to thus then from that point stand up, correct myself and change so as to purify myself.
I mean, if no point of resistance ever arose, or if consequence never so starkly showed me who I am accepting and allowing myself to be, then how would I see what I am existing within/as so I can properly stop, correct, and change myself to an effective being who is self-aware and deliberate in thought/word/deed?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to ‘fix’ the point within/through ‘figuring it out’ in my mind, playing out the scenarios that could potentially happen in the future where I may be able to correct the point, instead of letting go of the desire, remaining here, and practically, physically walking the correction breath by breath, within what is relevant to the moment.
When and as I see myself rushing through a point, a moment, a situation – I stop, I breathe – I slow down, stabilize myself, bringing myself back to the simplicity of breath to assess the point/moment/situation and consider all the potential outflows and consequences that I am able to see in that moment, realizing that there are indeed aspects that I may not be able to see/determine in that moment, yet within what I AM able to see I slowly, deliberately and with care, calculate and measure, so as to determine whether or not I am willing/able to stand self-responsible within that particular point/moment/situation and take on the consequences, whatever it may be, without allowing myself to participate in any type of energetic reaction/backchat/internal-commentary as a revenge of the ego set up to sabotage my self-directive will.
I commit myself to slow down and be deliberate in thought/word/deed to ‘shush’ the rush, silence myself, and be still in my movement.
I commit myself to sever the relationship ties that I have created within my mind which have ‘cut me off’ from this Earth and the innumerable beings that are here to participate with, equal and one. I commit myself to, with each step – be here - to not allow myself to take for granted the unconditional support that this Earth provides and is supporting me to see who I am, who I am able to be, as the potential of myself reflected back to me.
I commit myself to: when and as I see myself wanting/desiring to ‘figure things out’ in my mind – I stop, I breathe – I bring myself back here to physical reality and from here make a decision that is based on practicality, not a mind-illusion, as I realize that my mind is not interested in me walking a solution that is best for all and will thus then always and in every way try/attempt to deter me from supporting myself effectively within principle, thus…
I commit myself to be/become the self-directive principle of myself in every way – to not allow my mind to sweet-talk me into a corner wherein I trap myself and as such trap all of existence in my mind-delusion.
I realize here that it is my responsibility as Creator to create myself into the image and likeness of what is best for all Life, as the actual expression of who I am, and as such I commit myself to become courageous enough to breathe through each and every point of resistance that comes my way until here no further.
-
Lindsay - Posts: 1622
- Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:50
Re: Lindsay's Journey to Life
by Lindsay » 19 Apr 2012, 03:43
Day 5: Haunted by a Skull Tattoo
Day 5: Haunted by a Skull Tattoo
We live in a world of consequence, wherein the systems that are currently manifested in this world are showing us, starkly, who we are as humanity – as who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be – and clearly, if we take a look in the newspaper, the television; if we take a look on the streets, billboards, or even and especially inside our very homes, we will see the disgrace of ourselves as human beings. And thus the systems of the world manifest here on Earth in order to reflect back to us what we are allowing within ourselves, yet most of us do not want to see the correlation, do not want to see that we are responsible for all that is here, as we are in fact the creators of IT ALL.
I have recently received a ‘dose’ of this consequence in order to sort myself out in relation to points that I was not facing, which thus then required manifest consequences, consequences that I could not deny, for me to have to face myself – look into the mirror of myself.
Now, when I state ‘look into the mirror of myself’ the words here are specific – as I am referring to the recent tattoo that I had done on my chest, which is of a skull with roses and lilies on either side of the skull. I decided to get the skull specifically in relation to the point that when we peel back our skin, we are all equal as skeletons – thus, all these points where judgments come in, in relation to our physical bodies and the value we place on image, appearance and form are all irrelevant when we get down to the core. The image of the skull also creates a lot of fear in people as well, especially fear of death and dying, so it’s for me a point of facing that I will die, that is clear, and to thus then not allow myself to be directed by points that I am not able to control, and to instead walk breath by breath here, and birth myself as Life from the physical – this one Life where I have been unconditionally given the opportunity to do so.
After my second sitting for my tattoo, when color and more shading was added, I decided that I was not satisfied with how the tattoo turned out, as the image was not like the original image that I had wanted, as the picture that I showed the tattoo artist – especially the top of the skull, which is the center piece of the entire tattoo, and when I wear certain shirts, it’s the only part of the tattoo that shows, lol – very specific. I was attached to it looking a certain way, and because this mind-image didn’t meet up with the reality-image (as it never does), I allowed a lot of reaction within myself.
I came back from the tattoo-sitting and looked in the mirror, hoping that my dissatisfaction would change, hoping that I would like it better when it healed and hoping that something could be done to fix this ‘situation’ – I knew I wasn’t satisfied with it when I was at the tattoo shop, but didn’t say anything because I was in a lot of pain from almost 3 hours of continuous needles being poked into my chest that I had enough and didn’t want to sit any longer. Yet, I still compromised myself by not speaking up and stating that I was not satisfied so that he was aware and we could thus communicate about it openly.
So began my journey of accumulating backchat about the tattoo over the days, and every time I saw it reflected back to me in the mirror, this hollow skull with its black eye sockets haunting me - I would react, or try to convince myself that it was ‘okay’ and that when it heals I can simply go back and have him work on it a bit more, ‘clean it up’ – what was really required though, was me to clean MYSELF up – me to HEAL myself, as the absolute bullshit and disease I was spreading within myself, because I didn’t direct this backchat at all, but let it fester and grow because I didn’t want to admit to myself or others that I was not cool with it. When others would ask to see the tattoo, I would react within myself in not wanting to show anyone, or saying that I was satisfied with it when I was in fact not, so this simply fuelled the backchat even more...and two people here at the farm said it looked like Spiderman, on two separate occasions - so that was more fuel on the backchat fire, lol.
I felt like I had fucked up my body and now I am stuck with this ‘thing’ on my chest that I can’t ‘get rid of’ – WHAT HAVE I DONE!?! – what will people think?!? – this ruins the total image that I was going for! It looks horrible! I look ugly! I hate my body! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK
Man, did this shit spiral out of control – to such an extent that last night I was in a total point of possession and started looking up tattoo removal laser surgery sites, lol – and that’s when I finally saw – enough is e-fucking-nough! I will not allow this to continue.
So, I was talking to B about this point this morning, and from our conversation what I saw is that this entire experience was absolutely specific and required to happen to show me the reality of myself - that which has always been here within me, but that I wasn’t directing - and what better way to support ourselves to see the reality of ourselves than to have it tattooed on our fucking body, lolol!
Certain events happen in our lives specifically to assist us in revealing to us what we are accepting and allowing within ourselves, and it comes as manifest consequences that we cannot deny - I can't deny this tattoo - and I mean I couldn’t deny my possession because last night it had accumulated to an obvious degree, wherein I was so uncomfortable within myself that I HAD TO face what was going on or else I wouldn’t be able to function, lol.
The event of getting the tattoo, on the surface, was basically a mundane experience, besides the tremendous pain, lol – yet behind it all was this entire system of myself that I created, directing me to this event all in order to reveal and ‘unlock’ a part of myself that I was not willing to face without this specific consequence.
And it’s fascinating because so much of what I was backchatting about was in relation to body image, appearance, self-image, self-definitions, caring what others think of me – ALL of which, as I stated in the beginning, were why I wanted to get the skull tattoo. So, I made this decision to get a tattoo that represents the fact that we are all equal and one as human beings when we peel back our skin, to not allow ourselves to get ‘caught up’ in points of appearance and image because it’s simply a waste of time as we’re going to die and as such we must make the most out of the time that we’re here ALIVE to create a world that is best for all and where bullshit such as appearance, which creates a lot of abuse in this world, will no longer be accepted and allowed – and that’s precisely the point which I became possessed by because I didn’t have the most perfect representation of the image I wanted, which was an image that could only be perfect in my mind’s eye – thus, it’s not real, and won’t ever be - and that includes myself...meaning, if I keep seeing reality through my mind's eye, I will not be real, but will only see myself and everything else around me as a picture, all the while disregarding Life and the absolute potential there is here to create a world that is REAL, because we've never created anything real here as human beings, we've only ever created a fuck-up based on illusions and deception and that, I will not allow myself to stand one with and equal to any longer.
So, I am completely grateful and stand here humbled by this entire point, as I see that body image, appearance, and self-image are all quite extensive points that I have not directed effectively within myself, and I didn’t want to admit this, especially since I’ve defined myself as someone that doesn’t care so much about all that, so when the backchat would arise, I would suppress it within the belief that I was ‘letting that petty shit go’ – nope, it was all a lie.
Thank you tattoo - more specifically thank you Skull, for revealing the truth of me done to the very marrow of myself so that I could face myself, as you staring back at me telling me to stop fucking around and to get real or die.
A treasure trove of self-forgiveness is required on this point – yet, it’s getting late here in South Africa and I’ve got to wake up in about 3 hours, lol - initially I wanted to just go to bed, however I made a commitment to myself to write daily, and so I stand by this commitment within the understanding that I will direct this point and walk it through to completion – no matter what.
So, I have placed the points here to be walked through in Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application tomorrow, and now I will go rest my bones.
To be continued….
Day 5: Haunted by a Skull Tattoo
We live in a world of consequence, wherein the systems that are currently manifested in this world are showing us, starkly, who we are as humanity – as who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be – and clearly, if we take a look in the newspaper, the television; if we take a look on the streets, billboards, or even and especially inside our very homes, we will see the disgrace of ourselves as human beings. And thus the systems of the world manifest here on Earth in order to reflect back to us what we are allowing within ourselves, yet most of us do not want to see the correlation, do not want to see that we are responsible for all that is here, as we are in fact the creators of IT ALL.
I have recently received a ‘dose’ of this consequence in order to sort myself out in relation to points that I was not facing, which thus then required manifest consequences, consequences that I could not deny, for me to have to face myself – look into the mirror of myself.
Now, when I state ‘look into the mirror of myself’ the words here are specific – as I am referring to the recent tattoo that I had done on my chest, which is of a skull with roses and lilies on either side of the skull. I decided to get the skull specifically in relation to the point that when we peel back our skin, we are all equal as skeletons – thus, all these points where judgments come in, in relation to our physical bodies and the value we place on image, appearance and form are all irrelevant when we get down to the core. The image of the skull also creates a lot of fear in people as well, especially fear of death and dying, so it’s for me a point of facing that I will die, that is clear, and to thus then not allow myself to be directed by points that I am not able to control, and to instead walk breath by breath here, and birth myself as Life from the physical – this one Life where I have been unconditionally given the opportunity to do so.
After my second sitting for my tattoo, when color and more shading was added, I decided that I was not satisfied with how the tattoo turned out, as the image was not like the original image that I had wanted, as the picture that I showed the tattoo artist – especially the top of the skull, which is the center piece of the entire tattoo, and when I wear certain shirts, it’s the only part of the tattoo that shows, lol – very specific. I was attached to it looking a certain way, and because this mind-image didn’t meet up with the reality-image (as it never does), I allowed a lot of reaction within myself.
I came back from the tattoo-sitting and looked in the mirror, hoping that my dissatisfaction would change, hoping that I would like it better when it healed and hoping that something could be done to fix this ‘situation’ – I knew I wasn’t satisfied with it when I was at the tattoo shop, but didn’t say anything because I was in a lot of pain from almost 3 hours of continuous needles being poked into my chest that I had enough and didn’t want to sit any longer. Yet, I still compromised myself by not speaking up and stating that I was not satisfied so that he was aware and we could thus communicate about it openly.
So began my journey of accumulating backchat about the tattoo over the days, and every time I saw it reflected back to me in the mirror, this hollow skull with its black eye sockets haunting me - I would react, or try to convince myself that it was ‘okay’ and that when it heals I can simply go back and have him work on it a bit more, ‘clean it up’ – what was really required though, was me to clean MYSELF up – me to HEAL myself, as the absolute bullshit and disease I was spreading within myself, because I didn’t direct this backchat at all, but let it fester and grow because I didn’t want to admit to myself or others that I was not cool with it. When others would ask to see the tattoo, I would react within myself in not wanting to show anyone, or saying that I was satisfied with it when I was in fact not, so this simply fuelled the backchat even more...and two people here at the farm said it looked like Spiderman, on two separate occasions - so that was more fuel on the backchat fire, lol.
I felt like I had fucked up my body and now I am stuck with this ‘thing’ on my chest that I can’t ‘get rid of’ – WHAT HAVE I DONE!?! – what will people think?!? – this ruins the total image that I was going for! It looks horrible! I look ugly! I hate my body! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK
Man, did this shit spiral out of control – to such an extent that last night I was in a total point of possession and started looking up tattoo removal laser surgery sites, lol – and that’s when I finally saw – enough is e-fucking-nough! I will not allow this to continue.
So, I was talking to B about this point this morning, and from our conversation what I saw is that this entire experience was absolutely specific and required to happen to show me the reality of myself - that which has always been here within me, but that I wasn’t directing - and what better way to support ourselves to see the reality of ourselves than to have it tattooed on our fucking body, lolol!
Certain events happen in our lives specifically to assist us in revealing to us what we are accepting and allowing within ourselves, and it comes as manifest consequences that we cannot deny - I can't deny this tattoo - and I mean I couldn’t deny my possession because last night it had accumulated to an obvious degree, wherein I was so uncomfortable within myself that I HAD TO face what was going on or else I wouldn’t be able to function, lol.
The event of getting the tattoo, on the surface, was basically a mundane experience, besides the tremendous pain, lol – yet behind it all was this entire system of myself that I created, directing me to this event all in order to reveal and ‘unlock’ a part of myself that I was not willing to face without this specific consequence.
And it’s fascinating because so much of what I was backchatting about was in relation to body image, appearance, self-image, self-definitions, caring what others think of me – ALL of which, as I stated in the beginning, were why I wanted to get the skull tattoo. So, I made this decision to get a tattoo that represents the fact that we are all equal and one as human beings when we peel back our skin, to not allow ourselves to get ‘caught up’ in points of appearance and image because it’s simply a waste of time as we’re going to die and as such we must make the most out of the time that we’re here ALIVE to create a world that is best for all and where bullshit such as appearance, which creates a lot of abuse in this world, will no longer be accepted and allowed – and that’s precisely the point which I became possessed by because I didn’t have the most perfect representation of the image I wanted, which was an image that could only be perfect in my mind’s eye – thus, it’s not real, and won’t ever be - and that includes myself...meaning, if I keep seeing reality through my mind's eye, I will not be real, but will only see myself and everything else around me as a picture, all the while disregarding Life and the absolute potential there is here to create a world that is REAL, because we've never created anything real here as human beings, we've only ever created a fuck-up based on illusions and deception and that, I will not allow myself to stand one with and equal to any longer.
So, I am completely grateful and stand here humbled by this entire point, as I see that body image, appearance, and self-image are all quite extensive points that I have not directed effectively within myself, and I didn’t want to admit this, especially since I’ve defined myself as someone that doesn’t care so much about all that, so when the backchat would arise, I would suppress it within the belief that I was ‘letting that petty shit go’ – nope, it was all a lie.
Thank you tattoo - more specifically thank you Skull, for revealing the truth of me done to the very marrow of myself so that I could face myself, as you staring back at me telling me to stop fucking around and to get real or die.
A treasure trove of self-forgiveness is required on this point – yet, it’s getting late here in South Africa and I’ve got to wake up in about 3 hours, lol - initially I wanted to just go to bed, however I made a commitment to myself to write daily, and so I stand by this commitment within the understanding that I will direct this point and walk it through to completion – no matter what.
So, I have placed the points here to be walked through in Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application tomorrow, and now I will go rest my bones.
To be continued….
-
Lindsay - Posts: 1622
- Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:50
Re: Lindsay's Journey to Life
by Lindsay » 20 Apr 2012, 00:47
Day 6: Self-Forgiveness – Skull Tattoo, Part 1
Day 6: Self-Forgiveness – Skull Tattoo, Part 1
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, due to not wanting and moreover fearing to face the reality of myself within self-image/appearance/self-definitions/body image, to instead require a physically manifest consequence to occur in order to push me to direct the points within myself that were suppressed and to re-align myself to what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let even a moment of backchat accumulate within me in regards to the tattoo and to within this believe that the backchat was valid and as such something that I should participate in and give attention to – thus not seeing that each moment of breath which goes undirected lengthens my process of self-realization, as I am in that moment creating a gap/distance from who I am as Life, which increases the more I entertain such delusions, and thus I am stating that what is going on within the illusion of my mind is more important that who I am as Life – yet, not only who I am as an individual being, but this entire world and existence which is one and equal to myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard and abuse my physical body with my thoughts, not seeing/realizing/understanding that to participate in these thoughts I was in fact sabotaging myself and my ability to change myself in one moment of breath by/through standing as the self-directive principle of myself and stating: No. I stop. I do not allow this within myself or this world – I am interested ONLY in that which is aligned to Life as what is Best for All.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in blame towards the tattoo artist within the belief that it was his fault that I wasn’t satisfied with my tattoo, instead of realizing that it was my responsibility to express and communicate my dissatisfaction in a clear, open manner – without blame or judgment, but within self-direction and care about myself.
I forgive myself that I did NOT accept and allow myself to see/realize/understand that the backchat that arose in relation to the tattoo actually had NOTHING to do with the tattoo in itself, as the tattoo was simply a catalyst to reveal to me what was and had always been inside of me, but that I was not willing myself to look at, correct and let go of within self-direction and self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the self-definition of: ‘I don’t care so much about self-image/appearance/body image’ to impede my ability to be self-honest so as to face these points within myself and let them go – not only for myself, but for all of existence, within the understanding that if it exists in this world, it’s cause/source/origin is within myself as creator of all that is here – thus, I am responsible to stop this, and until these points of self-image/appearance/body image are completely eradicated from my reality as creator, and all component/parts are aligned to what is Best for All - then my process is not done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge such points as self-image/appearance/body image as ‘petty’ as a way to defend/protect myself from facing the actuality of me allowing these points to direct me – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because of judging self-image/appearance/body image as ‘petty’ actually give these points power over me – power which I saw I was allowing to control me, but that due to not wanting to admit this, I was not self-honest about, but only tried/attempted to suppress in vain.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that it is shameful for one to allow such points as self-image/appearance/body image to direct them and to thus then instead project a personality of myself as not being affected by such points.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in the fear that if I were to speak up and tell the tattoo artist how I wasn’t satisfied with his tattoo work than he would take it personally, thus I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within this excuse as a way to not have to face potential conflict.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the self-definition that I am not afraid of conflict and that I have no problem speaking up and expressing myself when this is not in fact the case, within this I see that in certain situations I am able to speak up comfortably and directly – yet, this is not a 100% stance, thus is not real unless it is proven real, as an actual expression of myself that stands self-directed in each moment, in all situations/events/occurrences – unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of practically directing the point of not being satisfied with the tattoo, instead remain apathetic and allowed the total impracticality of ‘hope’ to direct me so as to remain complacent and what I believed to be ‘safe’ – yet I was not ‘safe’ in the least, as I due to this went into my mind to ‘figure things out’ which is a dangerous place to go to make any type of decision.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to try/attempt to deny the consequences that were starkly before me – that I was absolutely and totally responsible for - to instead allow the sweet talk of my mind telling me: ‘Don’t worry, everything will be okay,’ which only rendered me useless in coming to any point of real clarity and practical solution to the point.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react to my tattoo and to analyze it and deliberately try to find flaws so as to manipulate myself into creating/generating/perpetuating energy with which to enslave myself and keep me preoccupied in my mind instead of breathing here, directing and moving myself to apply a real, tangible solution.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the image of how I wanted the tattoo to look in my mind and to use this as a self-manipulation tool within the fact that I would never be satisfied with how the tattoo looked because it was only a picture image in my mind, thus not real, and never able to be real.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to feel a certain way about the tattoo – to feel proud/excited/happy about the tattoo – and when that didn’t occur I went into reaction and depression and ultimately possession wherein I now wanted/desired/wished to get rid of it, eradicate it from my body so as to not have to face what I was accepting and allowing.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I was able to get rid of the tattoo by/through laser surgery that I ‘everything would be okay’ and that the tattoo was the issues NOT me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of the skull tattoo haunting me due to separating myself from my physical body and creating my tattoo into an entity within my mind that I charged with backchat which basically spoke out of the skull itself, lol.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in hope as fear with each time that I saw my reflection in the mirror, hoping that I could change the image I was seeing and fearing that I wouldn’t be able to.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was now ‘fucked’ just because my tattoo didn’t turn out as the exact image I had in my mind, thus not seeing/realizing/understanding that the only thing that was ‘fucked’ was me, as what I was accepting and allowing within myself – wherein I was allowing myself to be fucked by my mind to where I was not able to see the image standing before me in the mirror for what it was: a physical human body of flesh, but to instead filter the image reflected back to me in self-judgment/regret/anger/blame/self-hate in comparison to picture images within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think of me in regards to my tattoo, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgment and gossip of others when all along I was only judging myself and gossiping within my own mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think of me in regards to me admitting I still participate in thoughts/feelings/emotions in regards to self-image/appearance/body image due to believing that these points are ‘petty’ and ‘shallow’ and that I shouldn’t have them at this stage, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are ‘issues’ which are ‘more meaningful’ and bigger/deeper to have and issues which are meaningless/petty/shallow, when really – to even have a single issues within one’s mind, a single thought, a single moment of participating in thoughts/feelings/emotions is complete and total separation, self-abuse and disregard for Life as this physical reality.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to compare my body and tattoos to picture images I saw on the internet when looking at other’s tattoos and to within this want/desire to look like the pictures I was seeing – within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to download these images into my mind and to thus then use these images against myself as a way to abuse/ridicule/manipulate and exploit myself so as to distract myself and keep myself preoccupied in chasing after an ever-elusive image that I believed would make me happy/more than/satisfied/complete without stopping to breathe and see what I was in fact doing, and to support myself in bringing myself back to Earth, back to reality, to slow down and see what I was standing one with and equal to by participating in this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within placing emphasis and value in appearance and image, accept and allow the abusive industries which profit off making people feel inferior/less than/flawed/broken/damaged if they don’t match up to a picture image, to exist in this world – within this I realize that these industries could not exist if these points didn’t first exist within each and every one of us, thus it is not these industries that ‘make people’ feel a certain way, the way people feel/think about themselves is already here, these industries simply exploit what is already here for their own self-interest, thus…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let such industries exist within myself AND within this world – equal and one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care what other people think of me and to within this value other’s THOUGHTS, which can only mean that I value my own thoughts – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by something that can’t even be physically measured, while in the meantime I allow myself to disregard this physical, tangible reality which CAN be measured and is definitely falling to shit while I traipse around and fumble within and throughout the limited confines of my mind.
I do not and will not stand for this, as I see clearly that to allow these types of preoccupations, or any ‘type’ of preoccupation for that matter, is point blank abusive – abusive to myself, to others, and to this entire world and existence, as I realize that in doing this I am accumulating my own insignificance which will, when I die, be wiped from the face of this Earth without existence even batting an eye, as I within participating in such points in no way show that I stand here as Life, as Creator, as all I ever created was insignificance, which adds up to nothing, thus will be eradicated in all its frivolity.
I am not here to become a picture image cut-out which has the ability to turn to ashes in one moment, but am here to be/become Life, equal and one to the physical – that which stands eternal, cannot perish and does not require a picture presentation to exist.
When and as I see myself tempted to participate in inner-commentary about my tattoo – I stop, I breathe – I do not allow myself to follow, but instead remain here, breathing, focused on the practical task at hand, realizing the fact of the matter is that I have permanent ink on my skin and that is that – ink which I do not and will not define myself by.
I see that there are parts of the tattoo that I would like to get touched up – so, I support myself in, when and as the moment arrives when I am able to do this, breathing and directing the point stable, clear, direct without reactions or mind-movement.
I support myself to speak openly with the tattoo artist in regards to how I would like the tattoo to be touched up, and to work with the tattoo artists through communicating directively so as to come to an agreement that is in fact best.
When and as I see myself in a future situation where the opportunity to get another tattoo arises – I will assist/support myself in slowing down, breathing, and considering all points and potential play-outs with mathematical precision to ensure that I can stand by my decision eternally, without any reactions/thoughts/feelings/emotions moving me in any way.
I commit myself to be the self-directive principle of my Life and to within this walk myself out of placing value and emphasis on self-image/appearance/body image as I see clearly what that creates, and that is not a creation that I accept to be here in this reality.
I commit to stopping all points/parts/aspects of myself that are not aligned to the principle of what is best for all life and I walk this in humbleness, taking responsibility for the consequences that I create in the process and direct myself to calculate consequence to what is best for each and every being here, so as to ensure the outcome of my Creation is that of dignity and freedom, not delusion and enslavement.
To be continued...
Day 6: Self-Forgiveness – Skull Tattoo, Part 1
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, due to not wanting and moreover fearing to face the reality of myself within self-image/appearance/self-definitions/body image, to instead require a physically manifest consequence to occur in order to push me to direct the points within myself that were suppressed and to re-align myself to what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let even a moment of backchat accumulate within me in regards to the tattoo and to within this believe that the backchat was valid and as such something that I should participate in and give attention to – thus not seeing that each moment of breath which goes undirected lengthens my process of self-realization, as I am in that moment creating a gap/distance from who I am as Life, which increases the more I entertain such delusions, and thus I am stating that what is going on within the illusion of my mind is more important that who I am as Life – yet, not only who I am as an individual being, but this entire world and existence which is one and equal to myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard and abuse my physical body with my thoughts, not seeing/realizing/understanding that to participate in these thoughts I was in fact sabotaging myself and my ability to change myself in one moment of breath by/through standing as the self-directive principle of myself and stating: No. I stop. I do not allow this within myself or this world – I am interested ONLY in that which is aligned to Life as what is Best for All.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in blame towards the tattoo artist within the belief that it was his fault that I wasn’t satisfied with my tattoo, instead of realizing that it was my responsibility to express and communicate my dissatisfaction in a clear, open manner – without blame or judgment, but within self-direction and care about myself.
I forgive myself that I did NOT accept and allow myself to see/realize/understand that the backchat that arose in relation to the tattoo actually had NOTHING to do with the tattoo in itself, as the tattoo was simply a catalyst to reveal to me what was and had always been inside of me, but that I was not willing myself to look at, correct and let go of within self-direction and self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the self-definition of: ‘I don’t care so much about self-image/appearance/body image’ to impede my ability to be self-honest so as to face these points within myself and let them go – not only for myself, but for all of existence, within the understanding that if it exists in this world, it’s cause/source/origin is within myself as creator of all that is here – thus, I am responsible to stop this, and until these points of self-image/appearance/body image are completely eradicated from my reality as creator, and all component/parts are aligned to what is Best for All - then my process is not done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge such points as self-image/appearance/body image as ‘petty’ as a way to defend/protect myself from facing the actuality of me allowing these points to direct me – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because of judging self-image/appearance/body image as ‘petty’ actually give these points power over me – power which I saw I was allowing to control me, but that due to not wanting to admit this, I was not self-honest about, but only tried/attempted to suppress in vain.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that it is shameful for one to allow such points as self-image/appearance/body image to direct them and to thus then instead project a personality of myself as not being affected by such points.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in the fear that if I were to speak up and tell the tattoo artist how I wasn’t satisfied with his tattoo work than he would take it personally, thus I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within this excuse as a way to not have to face potential conflict.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the self-definition that I am not afraid of conflict and that I have no problem speaking up and expressing myself when this is not in fact the case, within this I see that in certain situations I am able to speak up comfortably and directly – yet, this is not a 100% stance, thus is not real unless it is proven real, as an actual expression of myself that stands self-directed in each moment, in all situations/events/occurrences – unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of practically directing the point of not being satisfied with the tattoo, instead remain apathetic and allowed the total impracticality of ‘hope’ to direct me so as to remain complacent and what I believed to be ‘safe’ – yet I was not ‘safe’ in the least, as I due to this went into my mind to ‘figure things out’ which is a dangerous place to go to make any type of decision.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to try/attempt to deny the consequences that were starkly before me – that I was absolutely and totally responsible for - to instead allow the sweet talk of my mind telling me: ‘Don’t worry, everything will be okay,’ which only rendered me useless in coming to any point of real clarity and practical solution to the point.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react to my tattoo and to analyze it and deliberately try to find flaws so as to manipulate myself into creating/generating/perpetuating energy with which to enslave myself and keep me preoccupied in my mind instead of breathing here, directing and moving myself to apply a real, tangible solution.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the image of how I wanted the tattoo to look in my mind and to use this as a self-manipulation tool within the fact that I would never be satisfied with how the tattoo looked because it was only a picture image in my mind, thus not real, and never able to be real.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to feel a certain way about the tattoo – to feel proud/excited/happy about the tattoo – and when that didn’t occur I went into reaction and depression and ultimately possession wherein I now wanted/desired/wished to get rid of it, eradicate it from my body so as to not have to face what I was accepting and allowing.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I was able to get rid of the tattoo by/through laser surgery that I ‘everything would be okay’ and that the tattoo was the issues NOT me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of the skull tattoo haunting me due to separating myself from my physical body and creating my tattoo into an entity within my mind that I charged with backchat which basically spoke out of the skull itself, lol.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in hope as fear with each time that I saw my reflection in the mirror, hoping that I could change the image I was seeing and fearing that I wouldn’t be able to.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was now ‘fucked’ just because my tattoo didn’t turn out as the exact image I had in my mind, thus not seeing/realizing/understanding that the only thing that was ‘fucked’ was me, as what I was accepting and allowing within myself – wherein I was allowing myself to be fucked by my mind to where I was not able to see the image standing before me in the mirror for what it was: a physical human body of flesh, but to instead filter the image reflected back to me in self-judgment/regret/anger/blame/self-hate in comparison to picture images within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think of me in regards to my tattoo, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgment and gossip of others when all along I was only judging myself and gossiping within my own mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think of me in regards to me admitting I still participate in thoughts/feelings/emotions in regards to self-image/appearance/body image due to believing that these points are ‘petty’ and ‘shallow’ and that I shouldn’t have them at this stage, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are ‘issues’ which are ‘more meaningful’ and bigger/deeper to have and issues which are meaningless/petty/shallow, when really – to even have a single issues within one’s mind, a single thought, a single moment of participating in thoughts/feelings/emotions is complete and total separation, self-abuse and disregard for Life as this physical reality.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to compare my body and tattoos to picture images I saw on the internet when looking at other’s tattoos and to within this want/desire to look like the pictures I was seeing – within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to download these images into my mind and to thus then use these images against myself as a way to abuse/ridicule/manipulate and exploit myself so as to distract myself and keep myself preoccupied in chasing after an ever-elusive image that I believed would make me happy/more than/satisfied/complete without stopping to breathe and see what I was in fact doing, and to support myself in bringing myself back to Earth, back to reality, to slow down and see what I was standing one with and equal to by participating in this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within placing emphasis and value in appearance and image, accept and allow the abusive industries which profit off making people feel inferior/less than/flawed/broken/damaged if they don’t match up to a picture image, to exist in this world – within this I realize that these industries could not exist if these points didn’t first exist within each and every one of us, thus it is not these industries that ‘make people’ feel a certain way, the way people feel/think about themselves is already here, these industries simply exploit what is already here for their own self-interest, thus…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let such industries exist within myself AND within this world – equal and one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care what other people think of me and to within this value other’s THOUGHTS, which can only mean that I value my own thoughts – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by something that can’t even be physically measured, while in the meantime I allow myself to disregard this physical, tangible reality which CAN be measured and is definitely falling to shit while I traipse around and fumble within and throughout the limited confines of my mind.
I do not and will not stand for this, as I see clearly that to allow these types of preoccupations, or any ‘type’ of preoccupation for that matter, is point blank abusive – abusive to myself, to others, and to this entire world and existence, as I realize that in doing this I am accumulating my own insignificance which will, when I die, be wiped from the face of this Earth without existence even batting an eye, as I within participating in such points in no way show that I stand here as Life, as Creator, as all I ever created was insignificance, which adds up to nothing, thus will be eradicated in all its frivolity.
I am not here to become a picture image cut-out which has the ability to turn to ashes in one moment, but am here to be/become Life, equal and one to the physical – that which stands eternal, cannot perish and does not require a picture presentation to exist.
When and as I see myself tempted to participate in inner-commentary about my tattoo – I stop, I breathe – I do not allow myself to follow, but instead remain here, breathing, focused on the practical task at hand, realizing the fact of the matter is that I have permanent ink on my skin and that is that – ink which I do not and will not define myself by.
I see that there are parts of the tattoo that I would like to get touched up – so, I support myself in, when and as the moment arrives when I am able to do this, breathing and directing the point stable, clear, direct without reactions or mind-movement.
I support myself to speak openly with the tattoo artist in regards to how I would like the tattoo to be touched up, and to work with the tattoo artists through communicating directively so as to come to an agreement that is in fact best.
When and as I see myself in a future situation where the opportunity to get another tattoo arises – I will assist/support myself in slowing down, breathing, and considering all points and potential play-outs with mathematical precision to ensure that I can stand by my decision eternally, without any reactions/thoughts/feelings/emotions moving me in any way.
I commit myself to be the self-directive principle of my Life and to within this walk myself out of placing value and emphasis on self-image/appearance/body image as I see clearly what that creates, and that is not a creation that I accept to be here in this reality.
I commit to stopping all points/parts/aspects of myself that are not aligned to the principle of what is best for all life and I walk this in humbleness, taking responsibility for the consequences that I create in the process and direct myself to calculate consequence to what is best for each and every being here, so as to ensure the outcome of my Creation is that of dignity and freedom, not delusion and enslavement.
To be continued...
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Lindsay - Posts: 1622
- Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:50
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