Adam’s Journey into Life

[Adam Closs]

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.com/2012/04/14/hello-world/


Adam’s Journey into Life.

Day1: What is here? Fear of Commitment.

Day I. There it is, I wrote it. While the words ‘Day 1’ were in my mind, they were held back for ‘consideration’ into a possible veto area of the mind. There was a fear involved. A fear of commitment. Fear that if I committed myself to write out in EVERY day, then I would have no choice but to do so. So fear of letting go of this back-door of ‘if I feel like it’, fear of letting go of a placeholder for some excuse or other. The back-chat here is also, ‘when you fail to do so, then you will feel terrible’. I was about to write ‘and’ but the rest of the back chat seems to be for a moment not available for recall. Here now comes up another ‘sound-advice from the mind’ thought, it goes, ‘If you can’t remember exactly what was going on in your mind just now, is it really such a good idea to write it out, why not leave it till you remember?’ Here opening up my own pattern of procrastination.

This ‘if I feel like it’ is a banner of this system of myself as this being that is directed by energy. ‘Feel’ in this context is quite a slippery word. The implication of ‘doing what I like’, because ‘above’ all else I am ‘free will’ and as such, IF a feeling should happen to be there which I like, then I will do it. But really where is the free-will in ‘IF a feeling comes up’? In ‘IF a feeling is one that I like, I do it, and IF the feeling is one that I don’t like, I don’t do it’, there is no free will at all, I am according to my own self definition of ‘free-willed’, actually committed to my enslavement to energy, as me directed by good or bad feelings. So along with this fear of commitment there is a fear of loss of who ‘I am’ as this dubious ‘free-will’ that I have defined myself as.

Self-Forgiveness Statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fear in my participation with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear with the word commitment and in so doing define commitment in separation from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the word commitment a negative charge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear commitment by defining commitment as ‘having no escape’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within having fear of commitment as ‘no escape’ to have accepted and allowed myself as fear of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stating what I shall do as self direction regardless of what feelings may arise within me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the self definition that I have attempted to live within my habitual commitment to follow the directions of thoughts as back-chats, desires and fears as if they were me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘having no choice’ and for not allowing myself to see realize and understand that the choice I fear losing has been no choice at all, but reactions.

Self-Correction

In my commitment to Self Realization as Life I am stating that I am dedicated to this cause, to this activity, to this undertaking, to write what is Here. This writing of myself out in self-honesty is a tool in the process of the self realization of me as Life, through which I come to see what I have been accepting and allowing in myself in my mind, in my pattern as a human being , and then forgive myself and correct myself as the systems that I have lived, and through this walk the change.

I do not accept or allow this connection of ‘fear’ to commitment, which is my own self-sabotage of my implementation of my own change of me directed by me.

EVERY day I walk this process out of the fuzzy logic which I have accepted as a sort of comfortability in myself as ‘who I am’, through writing what is Here, through this commitment of myself here into the words, through examination of the words I live in my mind, so that in these words and definitions I may see and understand the very programming itself that I have accepted and allowed as me.

[Bella]

Thanks for sharing Adam, cool points on commitment - fascinating how that is a point we are all 'educated' to 'fear'...!

[Rozelle de Lange]

Thanks for sharing Adam!

[Adam Closs]

DAY 2: Drinking Water

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.com/2012/04/15/day-2-drinking-water/


I started off this day with a glass of water, this H2O substance that forms most of the surface of the globe and most of the substance of my body. It’s like pouring H2O into H20. I have almost no knowledge of what happens to it after it goes to my stomach, but I feel the coldness of it inside me for a short time. When I had finished the glass, I started on another, but half way through, a question came into my mind, it said, am I really enjoying this? Is it not getting a bit boring now? Lol.
My body of water needs some more water, of which (for me) there is plenty, but suddenly there is this alien element of intrusion into the process of supply coming from my mind. I imagine walking up to a dog while he is drinking and asking him whether or not it is entertaining enough for him, yes of course resulting in that WTF? stare.
Is it that I really need this entertainment index to assess what my physical body requires? Asking this I realize that I have no actual means of assessing precisely how much water my body requires, beyond I feel thirsty, now I do not feel thirsty. A trial and error method of thirst quenching seems perfectly adequate. The point I am looking at here is how I have been interfering with my water intake and my physical nutrition by imposing energetic requirements of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself to such an extent from my physical body that I no longer hear what my body is telling me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the very substance of the world and of my body which is water according to the preferences of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mind is actually drinking this water.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide whether or not to drink water according to how nice it is compared to other drinks such as tea or coffee.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide with my mind whether or not to drink water according to how it is presented to my eyes such as whether or not it is in a glass or a cup, or whether it is in a cup that I like or do not like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dominate and control my physical nutrition by turning it into an activity of aesthetics and subjecting it to ideas in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge as a system of the mind as a system of energy whether or not my physical body needs to intake water.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed my physical to take in water because of judgements in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed my physical to take in water because of my addiction to energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a part of a global system directed by the mind that allows my brothers and my sisters to go without water and for abdicating my responsibility as life to a system that excludes me from having any say.


When and as I see myself shifting into thoughts and judgements in the moment of making a decision about how to act or what to choose as nutrition in support of my physical body, I stop and I breathe and I correct myself in that moment to no longer accept these preferences of my personality based on memories and addictions to energy and fears of change.

[Adam Closs]

DAY 3: Getting Down from High

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.com/2012/04/17/day-3-getting-down-from-high/

Just sitting here at the keyboard, I breathe. Somehow today I’ve gotten into a sort of high, being in a space where nothing’s the same and everything’s the same all at once and I am not familiar with me. I am ok about being unfamiliar with me, and I breathe myself down from this high feeling; I focus my attention on my fingertips as they touch the physical surfaces, which are all remaining reliably and constantly there. I am glad about the simplicity of this. And I am as my body the same as physical, here.

I had a relationship with feeling high. I took acid a few times, maybe a dozen times when I was younger, it became a relationship, and I stopped it when all that I could see right in front of me all the time was my judgement, and it was a judgement of the experience as being irrelevant. What I meant by that was that I could see no way of applying or connecting anything of this experience to anything else, and in that sense it was like the fascination of a bubble. This was an experience of myself as the mind. I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see and realize how in becoming this bubble of mind energy I had become irrelevant to life.

A question that I never asked myself on coming down from this high, and being in this ‘ordinary’ ‘everyday’ life experience again was a question that came up listening to Anu 19…What was it instead that I was seeing in front of my eyes all the time, in the familiar experience of me? That is, what is the unseen point right in front of me that is the focus of my everyday distraction and pre-occupation, that spot that I endeavor to look around and behind and underneath and over, but never directly at? Or else like an image of myself through which I look as a veil that I never actually see?

Looking here at a moment of the day, an example of this: I was walking along and I spotted a clump of daisies and dandelions on a piece of waste-ground. The sunshine had suddenly pierced the clouds and picked them out like a spotlight so that they glowed. I crossed the road to look at them. Then my mind shifted into thoughts of wishing I had a camera with me, thoughts of what kind of a picture they would make, how I could use it, how I could extract an image from this event. And though I was actually standing there right in front of them, I was no longer here but in my mind, in an illusion of the future in which I was looking at a photograph of what had happened, and maybe sharing it on Facebook, incorporating it into relationships or as a representation of myself. Look this is an aspect of my specialness, here I am as a ‘clump’ of ‘daisies’ and ‘dandelions’, a sunny moment on a piece of waste-ground.

What had been right in front of me as this spot of distraction and preoccupation had been this unseen and fearful judgement of myself as worthlessness, having visions of validation as something special, this sparkling treasure of the wasteland.

I commit myself to this process of walking out of and releasing myself from energy.
I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself in stopping consciousness.

I commit myself specifically to dismantling and deconstructing and deprogramming this self of judgement that I have accepted myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in arrogance and spite by committing myself to and as my own judgement according to my own world of energy and self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that one life can be compared to another and measured on a scale of value according to a system of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and be as the support of a world of inequality in which life has been graded into values other than the value of life as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to a value other than life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a world of competition and jealousy because I have graded life according to my judgement as a system of the mind into values other than life as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear and anger because I have committed myself to my own definition of myself as judgement of the mind through which my own beingness as life is disregarded and uncomprehended and undermined and destabilized and diminished.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear of seeing myself through the eyes of my own self judgement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in secrecy within myself because I fear to be seen as what I am according to the judgement of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to commit myself to this ‘who I am’ as defined within the context of my mind.


I commit myself to being here in each moment with my breath as this breath in the realization that it is only through the practice of this that I can implement my decision to no longer participate in consciousness and walk out of this energy into and with my human physical body. When and as I become distracted into my mind, I do not judge myself, I stop I breathe, I bring myself gently back to my commitment here in each moment with my breath. I walk in the awareness that what I accept and allow for myself I accept and allow for all and that therefore my responsibility for myself extends to all others.

[Marlen]

What had been right in front of me as this spot of distraction and preoccupation had been this unseen and fearful judgement of myself as worthlessness, having visions of validation as something special, this sparkling treasure of the wasteland.

I really laughed while reading this because that's what I became when seeking anything to 'beautify it' through my 'glorious eye' by taking pictures of it and I would go through the exact same point of regretting not having a camera with me and then wondering about sharing the pictures on my photoblog and having people writing poems over it, lol!

I actually had a moment like this as i went past a dead rat and a dead black cat on the sides of the road I usually walk around, in that moment it was a desire to 'take a picture of it' - it became so ingrained within me to want to 'take a picture of it' that I had to literally force myself to continue walking and stop staring at both points while thinking 'I can go get my camera, but there's not gonna be enough light then' and I simply let it go, I had to say to myself - 'alright, I let it go' and in my mind there's like this 'nooo!' because of 'missing out a great shot' - yet it was cool to actually let the moment go by. It was also interesting to see how when I was on my way back, the rat had been squashed open, while I gave a second and final glance to the cat lying on the side of the road. I mean, who created such an obsession to take photos in such a compulsive manner? I did! So, I am physically letting go of that desire to 'capture it all' - otherwise I would have thousands of pictures as that desire to engulf reality into a series of two-dimensional picture representations that have never equated the actual sight and reality of it.

It's quite interesting, I just wrote a blog about validation and this 'value' that we seek for in any other way than life itself. This mechanism of wanting to 'capture the moment' is certainly a way to 'cherish the moment' which is how I would define taking pictures to be. Making something 'more' than what it is by my 'godly act' of taking a picture of it and pondering it for others to see.

Now, this doesn't mean that that has to stop obviously, but it's definitely cool to debunk this entire perception of reality and simplify it to share it for what it is and stop all experiences around it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in arrogance and spite by committing myself to and as my own judgement according to my own world of energy and self-interest.

Exactly, I realize how I am making more of something that I have literally separated myself from, that I am - in my case - 'making it beautiful' without actually considering the actual relationships that everything is currently existing as in order to exist in a particular way, which is certainly not nice, not pretty and is rather abusive in all possible ways. How infatuated with our own mind have we become.

Thanks for allowing me to realize this self-interest driven egotistical artsy-type of self-experience that has become somewhat 'ingrained' within 'how I see the world.'

Another interesting point is that today - well, the third day I was going to write about romanticism as it's a point that emerged into a thread that Julian was participating in here, and somehow it drove me to look at the actual meaning of it behind the connotation that I've had toward the word. So, I found the following definition and I am certainly going to write about it, because I laughed when I read it which means: it triggered a reaction of identification within me.

Romance:
2 a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.

So, very cool to read your blog here as it encapsulates both the 'value' point as the specialness that we seek as a mind-experience outside of ourselves and the usual 'experience' throughout our every day living that I can also relate to as certain 'aloofness' or some wanderlust experienced within simple acts like walking, making it an 'experience' - that's probably also because I had linked both habits - smoking weed and taking pictures - as a 'combo' that I would then wanderlust around with, trying to find that 'something' that could make my day, as an experience, as a picture. It was an absolute trip that was supportive in a way to become aware of my physical reality and the details of beings that are Here - however, now we see how we tend to degrade such physical experience into a mind-experience wherein we can get 'high' on it, which is then missing out the entire point of what being Here is actually about = stepping out of all mindfucks, essentially.


Thanks Adam! enjoyed reading this.

[Adam Closs]

Marlen, the Sharing of your experience in the play out of these points has been awesome support. Many thanks.

[Adam Closs]

Day 4. Listening to the Eqafe Interviews.

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.com/2012/04/18/day-4-listening-to-the-eqafe-interviews/

This is what I have been doing.
How to absorb and assimilate the massive influx of information that is coming to us through the channel of the Eqafe site?
I listen to interviews, I write things down, specially the points which stand out, the ones which I can actually ‘take on board’ into my process now. I am beginning to realize that I will have to be more practical and efficient in organizing these notes on different interviews and different series, so that I can cross reference them more easily, and find my way back to that statement which went over my head a couple of weeks ago for example.

Also, there is something more direct than just listening to words involved here. I find a new kind of stability in my breath. The pace, the presence, the tone, the stability, the constancy are all as communications. I feel as if I am being addressed both personally and as humanity at the same time.

There are elements of fascination and curiosity in my listening, and enjoyment of hearing the words of beings saying things that have never been heard before. I feel honoured. These unfolding perspectives of Existence that are being presented have me enthralled. But the purpose for me in line with the purpose of these beings, as well as all of the Desteni material is to be of assistance and support to human beings on Earth, so that we may see realize and understand the actual nature of this beingness of who we are, of who I am, so that we can prepare ourself clearly in this process of becoming one and equal to the responsibility of this beingness within the context of this actual reality of our home in this physical world, rather than within a separate reality as separations as a design of the mind, the design that is dominating our world and is in the process of destroying it. To see realize and understand how I came to be the way that I am, so that I can practically change and make sure this never happens again, and so that I too can be in a position to be of assistance and support to others, so that all of us in this process can actually change ourselves and change this world to what is best for all, FOREVER.

Finding out how it is that I have accepted and allowed restrictions to my expansion as life into the physical as constructions of fear and belief about my own self interest and survival as an energetic system of consciousness, I can take responsibility for my own resistances, knowing their function, their reason and their purpose.

As for the multi-dimensional nature of the material itself; rather than allowing myself as this personality of the mind to attempt to jump a million steps at once in quantum time and form this overwhelmingness of fragments of information as memories adrift in my conscious mind which leave no possibility of practical application, I can only approach it breath by breath, and step by step, and moment by moment.

[Cathy]

Cool sharing and assistance here! Thanks Adam, and Marlen

[Adam Closs]

Day 5: Me as Unconditional Exposed

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.com/2012/04/19/day-5-me-as-unconditional-exposed/


Today a specific point about this one word ‘unconditional’.
I forgive myself.
I am able to stand in these words of my responsibility to give myself back to me.
‘I forgive myself unconditionally’.
Today I see and realize how it is that I have not yet lived this word, unconditional.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simulate a version of myself in ‘splendor’ that I would wish to be within such a word as this. What are these conditions of me but the resistances that I have not yet written out or walked or yet resolved or realigned to what is best for all? In seeing and projecting myself and representing myself in and as this exalted state in the future, I do not return myself to me, but back into this illusion of myself as consciousness, as a belief in magic that I can somehow skip the physical process of this walk and be what I would wish myself to be; absolute without condition of resistance. How can I really use the word unconditional in self honesty before I have really actually practically walked again in correction of the points that make the pattern of the steps that led to me? I prepare myself in practicality to live this word of ‘unconditional’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed conditions in my self as relationships of boundaries and limitations based in my own self interest as a system of energy and that I have accepted myself as less than my own conditions and that in so doing have become controlled by own creations.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that within this fear of speaking before my time to speak there lays hidden my fear of self as self-dishonesty in using words I have not lived.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cheat myself with this excuse of fear so that I may never give myself the opportunity to realize and understand the discomfort that I feel and actually find my way to live the words I wish to live.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that I have been living out a belief in magic that if I were to speak a word inflated by my desire to live it, then I might somehow induce the substance of the word as me.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see and realize how in using this word unconditional: I have used it as a word to express what I would ‘like’ to be, and as an energetic ‘boost’ to my feeling ‘good’ about myself, and as a separated magic ‘spell’, and to qualify the ‘extent’ of my self forgiveness, - that I am in no way assisting and supporting myself to realign myself to myself in equality and oneness but instead I am reasserting myself as the consciousness relationships that I wish to release myself from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to publish words into the systems of the world as packages of my starting point in self interest and self dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world in which words are used in separation from self.

I commit myself to walking the steps of this process, one by one and to speaking from where I am here.