Gian's Journey to Life

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Gian
Posts: 1014
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

I must suffer and overcome mountains before I can change

Postby Gian » 05 Jun 2017, 23:01

http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... tains.html

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to suffer before I can change, that something must happen to me or that I must go through something in my life for me to change and for my change to be able to be justified and have reason to why I changed, instead of changing here in each and every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my change has to be justifiable through things or something that happens to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must go through a lot of conflict with others to FIND the points I must change within me as to be able to state that I have changed because of all the conflict I have faced and thus I actually create conflict deliberately within my reality to create the points of justification that I need to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must go through a complex process of experiences and situations before I can change and stand as life, where I still believe that life requires a reason and justification to change and stand as itself, as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that me here isn’t enough to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to become more to be able to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am currently as all of isn’t enough to stand as life, and thus place me as life out there as something I must reach, not seeing and realizing that this cycle will never end as I will always place I am not enough in front of me and thus have a never ending story.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that LIFE is here, I am here, that I must stop my thoughts, feelings and emotions and be here as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see myself as worthy of life and thus I have created this process of change in my head that I must go through before I can become worthy of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that LIFE as the other parts of me wants me as this part of life to suffer and punish me before I can stand one and equal with all life as all parts of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that LIFE has abandoned me and that I have abandoned myself as life and within believing this I have created an Idea in my head that I must suffer and walk a process of suffering before I can be allowed back to life, as a point of redeeming myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself form life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life and life hard on myself through the idea nd believe I have about LIFE within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it hard t in fact see and realize that I am life and that I as life do not want me as life to suffer and wlak a long hard process, that I as life welcomes me as life to life any moment, I must simply stop my thoughts feelings and emotions and thus honour myself as life and stand as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the mind as my thoughts feelings and emotions is a fun place to be within and that life as all of me isn’t a fun place to be within as I have valued my mind so much that I actually fear losing my mind, stopping my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project me changing and when I change into the future after some time, after I have walked a process first according to what I believe I must face and go through and thus create it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that the journey I believe I must first walk before I can change is the journey I create for myself, even when that journey is based on a belief and not what is real, as here in each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ENJOY some parts of the mind too much to give up that I would rather create a massive process and journey for myself that includes suffering and pain and hardship, just to not give up the mind, my thoughts, my feelings and emotions, and habits and patterns that I have laid down to control and manipulate my reality and control my reality within self-interest and thus not give that up but rather blame life as being hard and that I will someday maybe change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on future change outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up my breath for indulging in the mind consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsaken life and to within this blame life for making things so hard on me, yet life is Here as me as I am life I am simply not taking my throne.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it weird to say the word throne that came so naturally to me, where a throne is simply a seat of a kind, and thus I can see that finding that weird in itself shows to what level I have degraded myself from life as a seat to take with and as life as a king, as a throne has become awkward and weird instead of natural and normal, as I have contaminated the word with kind on humans of earth as the mind instead of it as standing as life in oneness and equality as all, as a co-creator.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see myself worthy of GOD, being god, that I am god.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by stories and myths and books on what it means to be god and actually stand as god where it is all magical and mysterious and BIG and amazing shit, when in fact I do not know, and thus I can drop all expectation, all projections, all ideas and opinions and simply breathe and be here, be still and know.

I commit myself to focus on breathing and to when and as I go into the mind, a thought, a feeling or emotion, a mood or an experience, to give myself a moment to focus and stabilize as breathe till nothing is moving within me and to move and direct myself from that points, even when there is a little bit of resistance, to push myself and to push through and create myself.

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Gian
Posts: 1014
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Even Teachers knew we are Organic Robots that’s programmable

Postby Gian » 07 Jun 2017, 08:57

Blog link - http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... ganic.html

I got punished at school sometimes through doing certain things, I have a specific memory of speaking back at the teacher, not accepting and allowing her behaviour towards us as the students, which I took as diminishing us, seeing us as less, and I said something back, the teacher didn’t like it, and she reacted badly towards what I did.

As punishment, the teacher instructed me to write down on paper with a pen 100 times “to speak back to a teacher is wrong” and as I write it I had to speak it LOUD and CLEAR – and only once I completed writing that out 100 times and speaking it out loud and clear could I leave the classroom.

I eventually wrote out all 100 lines as I wanted to get out of the class, and to not be in the presence of this teacher. In my mind I laughed at the punishment, I thought it was stupid and useless, I thought this will not change anything within me, But, afterwards there was a scar within me, I tried to avoid it, but it was there, I could not pinpoint it as to what it was or remove it, but from that day I have not spoken up to a teacher in the way I did before, I had more fear, I had more self-judgment, I felt insecure to speak to people that has titles of “authority “and facing the consequences, I had a massive judgement within me of it being WRONG to speak back at someone, speaking up and being heard especially if they are seen as authority within me.

So, this worked? Even when I believed and thought it didn’t, that I was too strong for it to have any effect, yet, sitting there for a while writing out that sentence 100 times with my hand cramping and my brain hurting and my voice getting dry from saying it out loud and clear 100 times it had an effect.

Did the teacher know that it would work? Was the teacher aware of what she was doing to me? Did the teacher do this knowing how to program children? And that we are programmable and that’s how it is done?

I mean, since my process with Desteni, the key to deprogramming ourselves and to change and stand as LIFE is through writing, through applying self-forgiveness and then adding self-corrective statements as our living/correction, and within thus breathe and walk within practically applying ourselves daily, stopping the mind, thoughts and feelings and emotions.

At Desteni, this is done because we understand and see that we are programmable, and thus our nature can change, and thus we are able to create ourselves with the right tools, so here comes a teacher that Believes in God and that God is the creator of all things and that god is divine and all powerful and that free will exists and all that, yet this very same person used this technique on me that defies everything they believe in and it worked.

So – I can now also say that writing and speaking words truly is the key, now see and understand the power of the tools when it is applied in self-forgiveness, and we write and write and write in self-forgiveness and creating ourselves as LIVING words, as the living word as LIFE, if only a small moment of writing something out 100 times and speaking it loud and clear could have such an effect on me for a life-time, then now we can see how applying the tools of Desteni and how it is used as suggested DOES in fact have an effect, if we like it or not. It is a matter of consistency and to do it 100 times or more an every single point within ourselves or more till it is done.

This brought me to a very interesting statement that Jesus said in the bible about forgiveness, that we must forgive 70 times 7 a day, each and every day, which is 490 times of forgiveness a day, and this is and was even understood by Jesus and what we must apply more than 2000 years ago. No one has or is living this, not to mention for ourselves, not to mention on a daily basis, now you might ask, what am I going to forgive every day that much? Well, it is going to be yourself, your every thought, feeling or emotion, it is going to be YOU forgiving existence as yourself, thus all that is here to stand as life, one and equal, to drop all knowledge and information as the mind as consciousness as the false Idol/god, and to unveil what is here to be able to pass through the eye of the needle.

I will for myself as a test do here what I have done in that classroom, for myself, to forgive myself 100 times for one thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
(Middle lower back pain, to the right, muscle) (Shoulder pain, right side, and front, down to the elbow and into the forearm, muscle pain with bone tension)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
(Thoughts popping up, unconscious mind, agitation from others in my environment, projection, as I am getting agitated as I judge what the others are going through isn’t directed as I would have directed it)
(my body getting tense, as I feel I am wasting time, nothing is happening, nothing magical = mind protection mechanism, where the mind is addictive to experiences and thus not not feeling anything, and thus if the mind isn’t experiencing anything then it must mean nothing is happening, yet the physical is darkness, still, quiet, here)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
(left hand is warming up, while right hand is still cold, my left hand is specifically heating up from the small finger, where the hear is flowing up until the ring finger, then gradual heat is flowing all over my hand but not as warm as the small and ring finger, thus flowing is happening within those two areas)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
(tension all over my body now, as TIME has shown its face and thus I started rushing, as I am now running out of time to apply myself within this, the tension begins in the back, runs into my shoulders at the back and then restricts and tense up my entire chest area all the way down to my sixpack, thus the back tensing upwards and the front tensing as in cramping inwards)
Interesting.

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Gian
Posts: 1014
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

OH no, Coldness is touching me

Postby Gian » 08 Jun 2017, 09:17

Blog Link - http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... ng-me.html share like and spread

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as just a tiny litte bit of cold air or wind touches my body to immediately want to get a jacket on or something warmer just not to experience the coldness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR shiffering and being cold when and as cold air or wind touches my skin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike even a little bit of cold ait touching my skin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that coldness is bad for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that cold air or wind touching my body is a bad sign and thus I want to get warm as fast as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I experience myself as cold then I can get sick or ill, or even not be able to move or do anything properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that coldness Is something that is against me, that wants to harm me, that wants to put me to sleep or out of action, to not work and be effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a negative state of mind when and as I experience just a little bit of cold air on my skin or a cold breeze passing by where I then thing, OH no, It I cold, I am not going to be able to move and work outside effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HATE the physical experience I go into when and as a cold breeze or wind is passing by and touches my skin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike and have a negative mind set about my fingers and body feeling stiff and cold when and as it I cold, where I think thing and blame the cold for me not being able to effectively use my body or do things, such as typing or working with tools and to within this go into a giving up mode of rather not wanting to do anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as too much work to breathe and to relax my body when and as it is cold and I am experiencing myself as cold, to relax my body and to focus on the breathing and to not let my body tense up within the experience of coldness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to JUDGE coldness as BAD and negative based on how I experience myself within the cold, seeing and realizing that cold is here is it an expression of life it isn’t good or bad, it is something I can also enjoy if I drop the brainwashing and conditioning that I as the mind have placed on the cold as a way to attempt to manipulate myself and my environment to get things to be my way.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accept and allowed myself to see and realize fully my responsibility within my experience that happens within me as my thoughts, my emotional state when and as there is cold, and thus how I as my internal experience effects how I as the body experience the cold one and equal, and thus I see and realize that I can actually learn from the cold as the cold exposes ME and different parts of me and what emotional states I exist as hidden, that comes out when it is cold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just accept the experiences within me when it is cold as it is cold, and to not investigate what is coming up within me that determines my experience within coldness, where coldness has now become this whole thing instead of just cold, and expression of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not challenge who I am within cold and to just run with it a normal, because everyone else seems to also find it normal and have the same and similar experiences and thus mine must be real and true and valid, never challenging every part of ME that comes up and exposes itself with different weather.

I commit myself to check myself and who I am and the experiences I have when and as I am cold.

I commit myself to breathe and to walk through and understand the emotional experiences that comes up when and as I am cold.

I commit myself to challenge the back chat that comes up as my living and behaviour when and as it is cold and to check what is real as ME and what is a design to further control me as the mind energy slave to consciousness where apparently the physical is the problem and causes me to experience myself certain ways within me.

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Gian
Posts: 1014
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Focus, Silence and Interruptions – inner eruption

Postby Gian » 11 Jun 2017, 22:40

Blog Link - http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... inner.html

Silence, focus, sudden noise, interruptions, inner eruptions take place, reactions flow over, shouting, screaming, controlling, dominating, then quite, silence and focus.

A For self awareness I suggest starting this series of interviews here
Click on the name - Self Awareness steps for the Elite - Introduction



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot focus when I do not have silence within my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to the rule of that I can only focus when I have silence within my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by sound/noise within my environment when and as I am busy with something particular that requires my focus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from FOCUS and to thus make focus a thing out there that I must obtain and so within this create certain rules and setups where I believe only once those specific rules and setups are in place, such as silence, that only then I can focus, and thus within this imply that I am never focussed or the directive principle within my every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that focus is something I must practice and so I seek and want to obtain the right environments where there is NO distractions for me to train and practice my focus within what I am doing, and thus within this rule I have made for myself I will always fail as noise will always be here and not seeing and realizing that practicing my focus within specific conditions limits my focus to those specific conditions and thus the practice will never leave those specific conditions unless I drop all conditions and walk focus as me in each and every breathe and to stop the distractions within me as the thoughts/feelings/emotions that arise within me when I feel someone else is fucking with my focus by making noise/sounds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone within my reality comes to me to get my attention while I am busy with something I need to focus on, to lose focus almost immediately and to within this access anger and frustration and so within this act out the anger and frustration where I now attempt to control my reality through my sound and behaviour to get control of my environment to once again have focus and to focus on what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that focus is ME as breath in each and every breath and thus no matter what comes within my reality, that according to the mind as energy should trigger me and or distract me, to remain focussed on the breathing, not necessarily on what I am doing, as what I am doing mustn’t determine who I am, and so I see and realize that as long as any energy moves within me and not me as Breathe clear and here, then I am already not focussed and only deluding myself in the silence I believe helps me focus which is a mind focus, focussing energy which can always be disturbed and thus have a short fuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate focus from Breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate discipline from breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate self-responsibility from breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate flexibility from breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate Care from breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate ME from breath.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Breath is here as each and every breath is all that is here as everything that is here and thus to not breathe is to walk in conflict with what is here as reality, where the mind is finding ways to be within a polarity.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to fully embrace breath as the solution and to from within and as breath walk HERE as life and to direct me as breath in each and every given moment as breath and not to accept and allow the mind to direct me here into polarities as thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek silence outside of me, when breath is silence within and as me and thus nothing outside of me can change anything within me, as there must be nothing with me but breath/life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate focus as the word focus from and as me as my breath, and within so doing seek focus outwards, and so always running after focus and moments and specific setups/environments never finding focus or silence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my environment for me not being able to focus, and thus not see and realize that the blame that come up is due to how I am experiencing myself within the moment of feeling disturbed which is anger, frustration and thus it is within me that the disturbance is taking place and that is what needs to be changed.

On Blame, check it out here -> Blame: The Hidden Nature



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel someone isn’t considering me and or my environment when and as I want to focus to get upset and angry and to within a second, without notice, tone my voice and shut down any disturbances using my reality and circumstances as a reason and excuse for why and how I can act out my frustration or anger that I experience within me and to then have what I see as control of my environment as to control what I experience within me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as long as I act out my anger and frustration to have silence to be able to focus, and through this control my environment that I will in return create an angry and frustrated environment/people as they will pick up on what I am experiencing through my behaviour and voice, thus I see and realize that I must clear and fully take responsibility for any and all experiences within me till nothing moves within me and to commit myself to NOT speak or say anything as long as there is an energy within me and to focus on ME as breath here first and foremost, even if this means NEVER saying anything again, as it will or might not ever be necessary when I have taken and realized my creation of me as this point and thus focus is me and silence is me as Breathe and no blame or anger or frustration can exist.

To learn more on Feelings, emotions and thoughts I suggest starting this series on the Atlanteans -
Click here to start - > Atlanteans - The Beginning - Part 1

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Gian
Posts: 1014
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Day 618 – My Journey to Life Update, My Desteni 2017

Postby Gian » 21 Jul 2017, 22:48

Link - http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.co.za ... te-my.html

HI everyone,

I have decided to give an update in this blog today of how it is going with my journey to life, this isn’t referring to just my blog, it is referring to my daily every breath living, the journey HERE in each and every moment, and thus how am I doing?

I am a Destonian – this literally means one thing – rebirthing self as life and being a living example walking specifically with the Desteni Tools and principles that is best for all life in FACT.

I have been walking this journey for 9 years now, physically on the Desteni farm here with hundreds of Destoninas, with Bernard Poolman the Portal and everything else that is here as Desteni, the one and only Desteni for humanity, which is oneness and equality in fact.




I am not going to give a whole history lesson on my journey in this blog or compare anything. This is simply going to be an update.

Me personally

I am doing great, I am enjoying the daily challenges that I am currently facing internally and physically with my body and then externally (which doesn’t really exist) as all is one and equal, so me doing great does not mean I am saying life is good and easy, in fact it is me saying that there is a lot of shit, challenges and a lot of negativity, yet I am here, breathing ad I am standing, so I am doing great.

What are the challenges I am facing?

Currently I am facing quite a lot of challenges all at the same time, as I know this is how life is for most.

My challenges are as follow

1. Me and my internal reality throwing random shit at me all the time to deal with, the thoughts, feelings and emotions that then takes my space and ability to response practically and within common sense. This I take on using the tools of Desteni as all ways, I breathe, I forgive, I write my forgiveness and then I change.

2. I am facing who I am within my agreement – in relation to sex, communication and parenting – this I deal with the exact same tools and communicating.

3. I am dealing with OLD long term addictions, which I am at the moment quitting and stopping, one at a time, with using the tools of Desteni and all the cool support on Eqafe from the Portal Sunette.

4. I am challenged at the moment everyday with managing a farm/property on which a community lives ( the outside stuff) and making sure things outside gets done, general maintenance, and then attending to peoples requests for the things I can do but they cannot, like let’s say in a random moment someone needs to move something heavy, or get something fixed, I am the guy. This challenges Who I am within Flexibility and making sure that there are NO reactions, no fairness game playing out, but truly being at service within my ABILITIES to life to respond within my self-honesty. Plus all the projects that is on going, like building, setting things up, plants, nature etc.

5. As all ways, I am still challenged by my Diet, what I eat and how I eat, and within this learning to know my body a lot more, this is a daily thing, and quit interesting to see how I eat and when and what and then the physical responses, I am within this also quitting a lot of things, like Breads as much as possible, I am now on day ten with NO coffee.

6. Who am I within living in a community and when there are issues or conflicts or problems within the community and we have meetings and communications going on, who am I within this as a solutions all ways as what is best for all life. So here I am challenged with never taking sides but standing with the group as a whole as principles and best for all life, not falling for what sounds right or wrong based on morality but always what is best for all and what’s in the words.

7. I am challenged with Time, and this is specific with all my tasks that I have on the Detseni Farm, including the DIP courses where I am a buddy and have quit a few Trainees that I chat with weekly, and in that time I also have my house and my room and basic daily things I need to get too, not to mention sometime spending time with my son and Partner.

8. This brings me to the other point, spending time with my son and partner, it is something that does not happen a lot, I do not get lots of time, unless it is late at night and my son is asleep and I can finally have time with my wife so to say lo, but then it is getting to late and I have to be in bed to wake up early to get the farm running in the mornings.

9. I am always challenged with Money and finances, as I have NO control over finances or money, as we area group and everything we do here depends on the message of Desteni and Eqafe and DIP and DIP lite moving and reaching people and thus that supports brings support back to us/me here equally so we can continue to be that support, but it hasn’t moved a lot in recent years, So I am always under a budget that is limited to really GROW and expand, which laces me under more pressure because that means less help on the farm and thus less time for me and things moving slower.

10. I started a Project here on the Farm that is called Earth Haven and opened a Company called Earth Haven Foundation seven months ago, to create another branch for income – but this is much more than just income, as I am taking things to a whole other level with Earth Haven, and the challenge here is also reaching people and getting people to fund and support, because once again money is movement, and People are the foundation, so I want to reach a lot of people and then funding, create a cool group for pushing forward world change. Here my challenge is basically getting people to see the simplicity of this movement (Earth Haven) and how the impact of this will be great, basically creating hundreds of Desteni Farms across the world and even MORE and BETTER in terms of the physical practical functionality, because money can allow that and create that. her is a link if you are interested to see - https://www.patreon.com/earthhaven

11. I run a couple of accounts for Desteni on Social Networks, and they haven’t been able to move a for a while, this is on my list daily to get a way to move them, for example the Desteni Universe I want to upload hundreds more of Bernard Pullmans Videos there but I do not have the time to go through all of them, recreate the videos and render them and upload them, as I KNOW they are awesome and most beneficial for all of humanity. Then there are still the twitter accounts, the Instagram accounts and and google accounts for Desteni and for Eqafe and Earth Haven that all needs to move daily and consistently. I am not finding time. - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb63lm ... 1-A2BO3fHg

12. Another challenge is me blogging and vlogging a LOT more, and even doing my hangouts I used to do so much, as I truly enjoy it, but again time. So here I am doing a few a week and that’s what I can do currently, yet I know a lot more has to be done to reach more people, as that is crucial to change, to creating a world that is best for all life.

13. Improving my reading and writing skills to become more effective within processing information and in general be able to be more clear within my words to live and express oneness and equality within myself and life.

Ok, I will stop here for today with the list of challenges I work with Daily for now, there are more, but I have to keep it more on the surface, otherwise the details of each and every challenge in each and every project or thing I do will be a book, which might not be a bad idea for the future, to write a book.
For reference, if you are interested in the DIP Pro course here and would like me to be your buddy, to walk this course with you, don’t be shy, people have to come first that are serious about helping themselves and this gets priority – so I definitely have time for this – check it out here - http://desteniiprocess.com/ jus request me.
This is the update for now. Keep on writing, self – forgiveness and self-honesty, share and care, and no matter what stick to matter and stand within what is best for all life, this is only possible through focussing on who you are as LIFE.

Did you get distracted by the picture in the post? check out this interview on distractions on Eqafe - https://eqafe.com/p/distractions-life-review

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Gian
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16 Days of no Coffee – answering some questions and sharing

Postby Gian » 27 Jul 2017, 21:35

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Today is the 16th day of not drinking Coffee.

Why?

I will start with the WHY because every time I say I stopped drinking coffee people seem to freak out and make it as if I am stupid for doing so, or as if I am weak for being able to stop drinking coffee, almost as if I decided not to be part of a cult and take part in this cults rituals anymore and now the cult is kind of turning on me as a previous member.

So, let me say why in many dimensions of the question.

I stopped because I am walking a process of purifying myself within and through self-forgiveness in writing self-forgiveness and taking self-responsibility for what exist here as me, yet I have seen and realized that I must also at the same time purify my outer, what I do and participate within as my habits, patterns and addictions.

Because I have come to realize that drinking coffee isn’t MY decision anymore, it has become a decision that was being made for me, this is obviously a problem.

It is a Problem because it has become habitual, thus controlling my behaviors, my habits and even forming them all according to coffee. Thus coffee became my master and I the slave. This has placed a massive restriction on my movement, flexibility on a daily basis, like driving on the road and finding there are unnecessary bumps/humps in the road to slow down the car from moving, and eventually causing damage to the car, consuming more fuel, all the stopping or slowing down and going, drinking coffee became exhausting and at times compromised me and my body where coffee would overwrite drinking water or having a meal.

I would generally drink 6 cups a day and on some days I would even push it to 12. This has been so for YEARS and I would sometimes joke and say, I am 70% water and literally see drinking coffee as me fueling up, filling up. This has exposed my addiction that I judged as normal and okay.

When I look at the money spend on coffee at home and the amount of precious water consumed for making coffee, not to mention the milk and electronics and electricity on a daily basis multiple times, the addiction did not just harm me but in the end it is having a consequence on reality – Imagine billions of people doing this daily all around the world.

Now, coffee isn’t bad, it can be enjoyed daily, I would say one or two cups as a support for the body in times that it is required, like a medicine, but at the rate I have been consuming it and seeing and knowing how others also do it, it is an overdose for all of us humans, not to mention how much each and every person is spending when they go out on their coffees and their chinos and all the other types of coffees.

I once asked a lady that works at Seattle which specializes in coffees – almost like a Star Bucks, how much milk they use daily for making all the peoples coffees and other orders that is coffee, and she replied, the most has been 600 Liters a day. This was but one shop making coffee of the dozens in the same area I know of. I asked this because the coffee usage was obviously a LOT, but I was curious about the milk, so I realized I also had a milk addiction with my coffee.

I also know about the coffee industry and the abuse that is taking place there with the people actually working in the fields, harvesting the great beans that we grind up and then drink away and piss out, not to mention the abuse of the earth and the soil, the amount of land and natural habitats that had to be destroyed and most probably that are being destroyed right now to keep up with our demands for coffee. The earth is truly losing.

Back to self – I am re-birthing myself, and I have stopped many addictions over the years, and I find myself stuck with a few, and these few are truly over powering my daily living to a certain degree. I was only able to see to what degree it was once I stopped and pushed through the initial pain of stopping which I experienced.

The extent to which this one particular addiction was in control of my life, my daily movement and living is something that I would not be able to place in words as I experienced the Freedom after day three for others, but I can say, it was as if a chain has been loosened from my leg and I could more freely direct and move myself within space time.

This is but the more daily experience, not to mention the bodily changes. I started feeling a lot more stable, grounded and I was less high on energy but had more energy that was moving at a practical pace instead of like a racing car.

Day 1 – on day 1 when I stopped I went through the initial I want one, just one more for today, maybe tomorrow it will be better and then I can stop fully, but I breathed and stopped that thought and experience, to not lead myself into temptation and deceive myself, as I have faced this multiple times and I know it never works for me, so I had to go full out and embrace whatever comes my way and to trust that it will NOT be for ever, and so I walked with that trust that it will not be forever, simply breathe and move myself. I drank a lot more water and ate quite a bit more and different foods, which in return supported my body a lot more than having a quick coffee. I had MASSIVE headaches and did not talk about them at all on day one but simply breathed. I also did not talk about quitting coffee with anyone till I knew I have lived it and pushed through, thus on day three I was clear and spoke out.

Day 2 – This was the worst, I went to bed the previous night with a headache and slept with it and woke up with it and so I worked as usual all day in the sun with laborious work with this massive headache. After the day was over with work, I decided to get some support with this massive headache, and thus I took one headache pill. Within 15min the headache was gone and I felt amazing, this allowed me to have a great sleep that night and then I woke up Feeling refreshed and coffee free.
I started smelling coffee more and noticing the smell in the house from others making a pot, my body had a natural reaction on a physical level of feeling repelled to it. This supported me even further. For the next couple of days I had a small moment of a headache every now and then, but drank some water or some juice and then it was all good.

On day 15 I took a small cup of coffee out of curiosity what it would be like to have some now. I took a few sips and I did not enjoy it at all, it was bitter and not as I remembered it LOL. So this I found interesting, I drank the entire small cup (100ml cup) and then I felt disgusted in my body by the coffee. Five minutes later I started noticing my entire body was vibrating and mostly in my solar plexus area, this I focused on to see what was happening, it was as if I just injected adrenaline into my veins and I started experiencing a physical anxiety within me. I did not enjoy this experience as I felt more disconnected with my body and not grounded, I got easily more triggered. Within this I also noticed how I was abusing my body by not being able to be in tune with my body and what’s going on with my body to being on this adrenaline rush.

This has been my journey thus far, and still continuing with no coffee, there is no set limit or amount of time that I will not be drinking coffee. Maybe forever, maybe I will have a cup every now and then in the future.

Thanks for reading and enjoy.

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Gian
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Day 1 – Self – forgiveness and writing starting my journey to life again

Postby Gian » 10 Aug 2017, 23:54

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that to apply the tool of writing self-forgiveness daily on anything and everything I face is to MOVE within the physical and to stop the mind is necessary for change this life time as to rebirth myself as life one and equal, and thus when and as I do NOT write and resist to write or even justify to not write and come up with all seemingly good reasons to not write, that I am in and of the mind and nothing more or less than that.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to push through to write openly every single day self-forgiveness as a self-commitment to myself as rebirthing myself as LIFE and to not give into the pre-programmed habits and patterns of the mind that justifies my limited existence as energy, as moods as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become on a physical level that has enslaved me to my habits and patterns on a daily basis and to push through to change through writing out the patterns and habits that constitute me, till who I have defined myself as the believes and ideas and opinions around myself are completely obliterated and to even then push beyond that.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to FULLY grasp the extent of how much the MIND is directing me through how much I resist writing self-forgiveness that I can even justify that I have nothing to write about and that I thus do not have to write at all. THUS not seeing and realizing that this process isn’t preprogramed and WILL not come easy or automatically to ANYONE as it isn’t in anyone’s pre-programming and thus does not follow a program and requires WILL to push through as breathing, and to be a DIRECTIVE author of oneself and one’s life to take action and write and open up willingly points that isn’t even here yet is here by the fact that they can be opened up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a things as a justification, an excuse or a valid reason for why I am NOT writing OPENLY in my journey with Desteni within the tools provided and all the support given such as TIME being a problem, or mental emotional burdens that is going on or are going through and thus not writing, or that I am to stressed, too fearful to write,, and thus do not write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a thing as an excuse that is valid for not writing self-forgiveness, and thus I see and realize that as long as there is an excuse within me then I am NOT self-honest and thus abusing LIFE and the time that I have here in the physical at this moment to only entertain the mind and self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a thing as having NO time to write self-forgiveness due to some excuse or justification or reason, and thus I see and realize that any excuse or reason or justification is all but of the mind that is keeping me back from expanding and growing as LIFE as the mind can always find time for being lazy, depressed, or watching TV or Youtube videos of hours nonstop till one drops to sleep or dead, yet writing is apparently too much and just another burden, and thus confirming the minds power and control over self-will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that if I resist applying self-forgiveness in writing on all my points that I face daily and to even move beyond that into the points as me as the world system then I am literally trapped in the mind as fear, only entertaining a prison of my own creation and feeding a self-destructive system till I die and never changing and rebirthing myself as life, and thus I see and realize that if I am not willing to PASSIONATELY push myself to sit and write, that I am in fact NOT grasping the TRUTH as the denial of what is here as LIFE and why I must change and take FULL responsibility for myself as all LIFE that is here in all dimensions this life time, to stand as life and to actually walk as an example for myself as all life to create heaven on earth for all life as me here.

I commit myself to write daily self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to expose al my excuses and justifications and reasons for not writing self-forgiveness daily and writing and speaking it.

I commit myself to challenge myself in all my excuses, justifications and reasons to why I seemingly cannot write self-forgiveness daily.

I commit myself to expose my own insecurities of writing and applying self-forgiveness daily OPENLY for all to see and to stand as a point of real change in real support for others in real points I face that others deem to personal to expose and share, yet this is what the world needs as this is what I truly need to change.

I commit myself to write daily for myself as myself as my honesty till I am self-honest and standing as life for the next 7 years, testing my breathing my commitment daily.

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Gian
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Day 2 – when the day has ran out, what to do?

Postby Gian » 11 Aug 2017, 23:34

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It is late now, I have just gotten back from doing some recordings, and it is already late, I feel like just getting into bed and sleeping, or doing something else and relaxing, my Son even asked me to go to bed and watch a movie with him, but here I am, I have committed myself to write daily again. I am now living this commitment, I am going to write this blog and the go to bed with my son to watch something with him and relax with him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider to NOT live up to my commitment and to rather give into the temptation of the mind as just relaxing and doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge writing and self-forgiveness as not relaxing but rather work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to just go sit down and do nothing is more rewarding and better for me than to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to rather write will mean I am losing out on something else, such as sitting and doing nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to just go sit and do nothing instead of writing will give me more energy and support me more to “rest” yet I know this is a repetitive addictive pattern of simply not doing anything, and yet writing has proven to support me in fact and actually help me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as VALID to simply not write and just sit down and do nothing as if I am resting, and thus using an excuse that will and can always and forever be justified and thus I can end up never writing, as I can simply always be too tired and go with that and never push for change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to use physical conditions and reasons as to why not write is me enslaving myself to never write or change, as the physical will always then not be ready, and thus I see and realize I must actually push through these PHYSICAL resistances and excuses and reasons I have built and maintained to justify myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use tiredness and the PAST as to why I am tired and why I should not do more and rather do nothing as an excuse and reason to not write, and thus enslaving myself once again to never face myself or change or take action, and thus I also see and realize that this isn’t only going to count for my writings but will and are seeping into all other parts of my life, and thus pushing through this point of writing and not using time as an excuse will support me equally to also push through other points in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to WANT to simply go with and use the excuse and reason of my environment to hold me back from not writing self-forgiveness and taking self-responsibility for myself and to then always be able to say, BUT my this or that happened, or took place so I could not write, such as my son that just now requested for me to go lay down with him and just watch movies, I was tempted to simply go with him and say fuck it to writing, but instead of saw that I could write if I do not go for the temptation and then agree with him as his age and time that he can watch his movie instead next to me till I am done, and thus seeing that my initial reason without testing or trying out different ways to write was me wanting to have the easy way out.

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Gian
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Day 3 – I miss Bernard Poolman, opening up points 4 years later Part 1

Postby Gian » 13 Aug 2017, 11:22

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I do not share a lot of my inner personal points that come up, or that I deem as to emotional or sensitive. I have judged points such as missing someone as wrong and emotional, and so within this I have come to suppress the experiences and what is within the emotional points.

Last night as I was sitting by my computer sharing some Eqafe recordings that I found awesome from 2012, I suddenly had this emotional experience of sadness coming up, and I saw that it was in relation to Bernard Poolman not being here anymore.

Funny enough, it is today the 13th, two days after Bernard Poolman passed away, I had this emotional experience coming up two days earlier but suppressed it, and I now finally came to opening it up. Two days ago I didn’t know it was in relationship to Bernard Poolman till last night, and so here I am.
It has been four years since Bernard passed away and I have my LIFE to thank to him, I can’t even put into words what all of it is that I have to thank him for, but it is something along the lines of EVERYTHING.

When I was lost Bernard was there exactly on the right time.

When I was struggling Bernard was there exactly on the right time with exactly what I needed.
When I did not understand something, Bernard was there exactly on the right time with exactly what I needed to hear.

When I felt directionless, Bernard was there exactly on the right time with direction.

Where I did not understand anything, where I felt like I could never grasp LIFE, Bernard was there.
When I felt it was too late for me, that I am a failure, that I have no purpose, that I didn’t have any value, Bernard was there with brutal self-honesty, common sense and taking no bullshit.

When I was in fear and everyone around me was in fear running around like headless chickens, Bernard was there standing like a solid rock, fearless, showing that fear is useless, but more, he stopped it he directed it to always be the outcome as what is best for all life.

When I judged myself and what I was going through within myself or within reality, may it be the most embarrassing or serious of problems, Bernard was there without any judgments and absolute understanding.

I can only share what Bernard was to me as what he was to me is but still of my own perception of me and thus how I created my relationship towards him, this what I share does not define him.
So, why am I sad? Why do I miss Bernard Poolman? I am not going to create an excuse or reason or justification to why, but keep it simple and that I actually do miss him and I have missed him for years now, four years to be exact.

I will share why I miss him and in what moments, because this reveals the emotional part within missing him, which is now a GIFT for me to see where I must change, stand up and take self-responsibility.

Bernard represented a lot of things, but most of all he stood as LIFE as what is Best for all life in all ways, all dimensions, he was fearless, he stood as the physical, he had no fear so this was great to see in action.

Bernard Created Desteni – without him Desteni would never have been here, self-honesty would never have been known, common sense and the message of Equality would never have penetrated this world this life time again if it wasn’t for him, Bernard through creating Desteni gave LIFE an opportunity again this life time, and this is why Desteni is so specific and everything else that is here as Desteni, Bernard set up Desteni in such a way that even after his Death, it is still here, standing, it is a solid rock, the message of LIFE and equality and oneness and how to actually in fact educate and walk ourselves, each individual into and as life, the path is here, the tools is here, the support is here, the gifts are here, we simply have to take it, make it ours in fact and walk it equal and one as Bernard has, he showed it is possible for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss Bernard from the emotional starting point of wishing that he was here to stand as certain points, so that I do not have to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss Bernard from the starting point of wanting him to yet again stand as the example and the direction to push the Desteni message, to kick peoples asses into self-honesty and to get real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss Bernard from the starting point of wanting a leader again, so that I do not have to be that leader.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a leader of myself as life absolutely and standing as that and not compromise no matter what.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss Bernard from the starting point of believing that I can never do what he did, stand as what he stood, and to be that point for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss Bernard as wishing he was here to give me approval to stand as life, to speak as life, to forgive myself, and to live my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss Bernard from the starting point of seeking someone that tells me what I am doing wrong and right to know if I am on the right track within standing as LIFE as Desteni and moving forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR standing as Bernard one and equal and to then having to deal with all the things he had to deal with, direct when he was here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss Bernard from the starting point of that is HE was here then a lot of things that has happened, that has gone by would not have happened, would not have gone in the directions they did and that we would now have had a different outcome, yet I see and realize that this is me hoping, assuming and wishing once again, instead of being here in reality and that what is here cannot be denied and thus this is what needs direction now, thus I must let go of what could have been, and what should have been and be here, breathe and direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear now that Bernard is gone that Desteni will disappear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear now that Bernard as his physical form that is gone, that those who were kept in check within self-honesty and facing themselves feel that they can simply slack off and fuck around and thus within this I feel powerless to direct the people’s minds or the points they are facing as Bernard did, and so all I can do is watch on as equality and oneness becomes but a memory instead of a reality for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless when and as I see people walking their process, taking on their minds, their self-honesty and re-birthing themselves as life go into excuses, justifications for stopping, giving up and not supporting Desteni, where Bernard used to be able to stop that, expose the points and get people back on track, back to self-honesty and not take bullshit from people/mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss Bernard and that point he represented where there is NO bullshitting him, where there is nothing hidden with him, where there is nothing that can fuck around with him, and thus LIFE as the Desteni process here on earth was walked really cool and effective, and so comparing what is here now, four years later, I can see the fucking around, the bullshitting, the Desteni process thrown out of the window for the system and all the distractions, fears, money and survival, personal agendas and securities has taken over again.
Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I am seeing and to do nothing about it, to not question it, to not stand as that point of self-honesty, as common sense as LIFE, when I know I can, yet I fear that I will fuck up, that I will have a moment of doubt and then it will be seen and have consequences that are not best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others and their processes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on other people’s process and to forget my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the mind idea the whole time of what would Bernard have done, how would Bernard have done it, instead of focussing on me and what I am doing, what am I directing, how am I directing it within my expression within what is best for all life.

To be continued.

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Gian
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Day 4 - Self -judgements and consequences

Postby Gian » 18 Aug 2017, 23:45

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of how truly fucked we are as a specie.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of the fact that unless each and every human beings understands the mind and how it functions in detail and how the human is a personality as the ego designed to be organic robots/slaves, will we not be able to change ourselves first and foremost and thus not this world, and thus through losing sight I let loose a little bit and eventually take it way too easy with pushing and thus fall into hope.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of the extent of the problem that is here, and more so to lose sight of the educational process that is required to actually have a revolution to real evolution as the human species and thus to have a global change as the human changes,


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back MY process and sharing my process continuously OPENLY as part of the educational process that is here through blogs, vlogs and general sharing, as I JUDGE my own process as not good enough, as not relevant, as not having any effect, yet within that I am in fact living those judgements and thus making believes real and so cripple my own self change and everyone else in this wold that could have benefited but now aren't due to me not sharing.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead share BULLSHIT of other people sharing apparent relevant shit yet does not even touch the point of self-honesty of even a glimpse of what the mind truly is, and so withhold myself and my own process that actually covers all the dimensions that is required within the education revolution that is required for a truly evolved human.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that laziness as NOT feeling like doing something, such as writing, sharing and actually caring is a mind consciousness system design that has POWER over me as energy of the mind generated through constant thoughts that I have of myself judging myself negatively to such an extent that this energy forms layers within me undirected, not forgiven and thus it starts flooding the PHYSICAL as the flesh and stores itself within the body, and so the body starts experiencing itself as heavy and thus lazy, and so over time I am not to be found anywhere and can barely find the will power within me to even move myself as the energy as the mind consciousness system has not completely vegetated me as the body to have the body ONLY for itself to entertain itself and to keep generating energy and feed of the physical/flesh till death.


I commit myself to when and as I FEEL lazy, to REMEMBER that it isn't whatever excuse I am making up in my mind, as that is the minds defence mechanism to control ME as self-movement and to free myself, and thus I can take full self-responsibility within understanding that I created the laziness through accepting and allowing the mind games/energies as the thoughts I participated within over and over to take hold of me as the body/physical and to place me in a prison of consequence that I must then physically MOVE myself and to actually physically correct myself no matter how lazy I feel or what the thoughts are of why I should not, as this is self-movement and me taking a Stand and saying no more, and to write, share and actually change.


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