Garbrielles' Journey to Life

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Garbrielle
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Joined: 15 Jun 2011, 03:29

Garbrielles' Journey to Life

Postby Garbrielle » 16 Apr 2012, 04:57

Day 1 - Considering Others

When I arrived at work tonight, I was 4 minutes late, and the girl who I was relieving said 'you need to come on time, I have to be somewhere', immediately my reaction went to blame her, and diminish her within my mind because she dare call me out as doing something 'bad' or 'wrong'. I blamed and condemned another for the simple fact that I did not want to face myself as someone who is late and caused another to call me out on it. This point of being called out is the point where I go into reaction, as this point of calling me out, brings up memories of being yelled at by adults as a kid, and I really feared being yelled at by adults because I didn't enjoy the loudness of their voices and me being caught doing something 'bad.

So when this event occurred of being called out by my co-worker and I see myself react, I realize that this is just my ego trying to protect itself to be the one who is right and the other is at fault, thoughts go through such as 'I don't deserve this scolding as I am just a few minutes late', but not considering the others world/responsibilities/schedules and thus separating my responsibility to the agreement of the job to be there at a certain time, which I require others to uphold and should always require myself to uphold as well.

Within this this is not taking responsibility for who I am within my job and the agreements set forth when going into a job to be in at a certain hour and leave at a certain hour, where others plan their events according to this agreed upon schedule, and obviously if one is late, it creates a chain reaction that effect others unnecessarily. Now within this being late, I realized I was going to be late, but still I went into ego here and decided I could be a few minutes late because 'it's just a few minutes, who cares?' Allowing and accepting myself to disregard the other being at the job and being inconsiderate to the other in whatever was going on in their world based how they set up their night according to the time's scheduled, and was late on purpose cause I didn't want to be there at all. This lax attitude, that it's 'no big deal' towards others I have allowed for a lot of my life and I've allowed it to direct me due to this superiority and ego that I am more then others due to my perception of what I do and who I am as a 'good' and 'easy-going' person.

Interesting dynamics that really go on within myself in terms of my secret mind where I accept and allow myself to disregard the other beings within my world due to the belief that I deserve a break and to be catered to because I believe myself to be good, thus seeing myself essentially more deserving then others and able to have privileges over others. This of course completely made up within my mind due to my desire to not want to work and not want to push myself to get my ass in gear and be on time for work. So using excuses and justifications such as I am just a few minutes late or I deserve to be late because I allow others to be late, is a complete abdication of the responsibility to the other and the respect of the other to say yes, I see you and realize that you are as important and deserving as I am, so thus I as you will equalize myself to what is here as work and respect the fact that the schedule here is in place and that that is what life is moving from.

Working with the physical, working with reality, and stopping my mind as delusions, justifications, ego grandeur to direct me in abusing the privilege of others kindness and not considering the other as I would want to be consider. I am not special nor more then any other being here, we are all equal, we all deserve the respect and consideration of how one would want for oneself, and thus all points of blame, irritation, and justification is in fact my own dishonesty's showing me where I am still allowing ego, and thus I stop, breath, self forgive, and direct myself to consider all here as myself and correct my living to stand equal and one with all life here as me.

Being Late-

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be late for work based on the thoughts that 'its cool if I am a few minutes late, it's just a few minutes, no big deal'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to within this thought of 'it's cool if I am a few minutes late, no big deal' only seeing and considering my own self interest of not wanting to go to work and thus using excuses as 'it's no big deal' as an escape to give myself a tiny bit more timee to dunce around and avoid working while I understood and realized that their indeed is another being who is being effected and will create a consequence for them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not take into consideration the other worker within my job who is depending on me to be on time due to the scheduled agreement we have to be in at certain time and thus create consequence and unnecessary aggravation for another when I was deliberately late and not giving equal consideration to the other as I realized they would be late for the next event if they had one planned.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my ego to direct me with an idea that because I am relaxed with others when they are late, I deserve to be late once and a while, although this is not reality as the other worker did not agree to this and this is only within the idea that I am somehow more important then the other being at work and thus deserve special privileges.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus go into ego within superiority and believe that I am more important then another because I am a 'good' person allowing others to not stress when their late so thus I should also get this consideration based on being helpful and getting a nice feeling about myself as a 'good person'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the mind as emotions to direct me into belief of myself that based on my idea of myself as 'good' where based on this idea of me being 'good' within my mind, I deserve special privileges and thus justified my tardiness to the job when I had agreed in taking this job that I would be there at a specific time, which I deliberately missed based on laziness and escapism.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my idea of myself as 'good' to create the belief that I should have special privileges and thus within my back chat I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to deliberately spite the worker at work and be late on purpose as I wanted to be lazy and not go into work at all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be spiteful towards the worker based on me not wanting to live out my responsibilities and thus accept and allow myself to give in to resistance of being late cause I wanted to have a little bit more time off.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not consider the other within and as the physical reality that is my world and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to live only in my own self interest and justify the abuse and abdication of my responsibility to another at work.

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My Self Correction:

When and as this point comes up of wanting to escape and be lazy not wanting to take care of my responsibilities, I stop breath, and speak 'i am here in the physical equal and one, I walk as life' and walk the correction of moving through any and all resistance that arise to abdicate my responsibilities and also consider all within my world and how my decisions will effect others. I walk and commit myself to always consider the others within my world and my responsibility to live as equals in whatever scenario comes up. I commit myself to live my agreements and walk the best I am able to within this physical reality and stop the ego within thoughts and self interest.


Blaming Co-worker

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to blame my co worker based on my reaction of fear and embarrassment for being called out when I showed up late for work.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to within the blame that I created towards her based on the fear I had of being yelled at immediately go into my secret mind and diminish my co-worker as a 'bitch' and 'horrible'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting back chat of diminishment towards another based on me accepting and allowing my ego to want to be greater then her and better so within my mind I use my own spitefulness to get back at her and be the winner because I have determined that she is a bitch and thus I am not so I am more then her.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be spiteful within my backchat towards my co worker based on the fear that came up due to me not liking to be yelled at as a kid and still holding onto this fear and dislike as an adult and thus based on this energy that I created and held onto as fear and dislike I go straight for revenge and thus diminish her for calling me out about being late.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use my mind as a form of attack on another as revenge and thus create an idea of myself in my mind that I am more when I am just diminishing myself as I am the one creating this abuse and unnecessary conflict within myself towards another or my world based on me not wanting to face the reality of that moment of me being late and not considering my co-workers equal to how I would want to be considered.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use abuse as back chat thoughts of she is a 'bitch' and 'horrible' so I can be more and look better within my mind to thus gain superiority over my co-worker as I felt diminished when called out on being late based on holding onto the memory of fear and dislike when I was yelled at as a kid.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the polarity playout within my mind of superior and inferior ideas based on me defining myself by my world and seeing it within these two polarities = good/bad, when I realize and see it was just a point of consideration by my co-worker to let me know that she expects me here on time and not late.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto a memory of me within fear of being yelled at by an adult based on me being shocked by the noise of the yell and not desiring to experience that way of being talked to again.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto the past as memories and blame my co-worker for this feeling as the memory has brought up as fear and dislike when she called me out to be on time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to blame my co-worker for who I was in that moment as not wanting to face myself as being late and not taking responsibility and allowed thus I allowed fear and emotions to direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting fear and emotions to direct me in my reality as I see and realize what is here is me and thus I accept what is here as me, and walk the correction without taking myself/world/others personally as what is here is a gift for me to walk and self correct to thus walk as equal with all life as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take my co-workers words towards me as a personal attack and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to react in fear and anger and go into my ego to gain superiority back.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use my ego as a point of gaining power as I realize this power is in the diminishment of others thus not who i am and not real as I realize and see all are equal here and all is life as myself, thus I see and understand real power is here within breath as I walk and equalize myself with this physical reality equal and one to all as I stop my ego and accept all that is here as me.

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My Self Correction:

When and as this point of ego arise where I go into my back chat and diminish another based on taking what is done/said/lived towards me personally, I stop, breath, and I realize that this is not a personal point towards me, I can direct myself in common sense and thus walk equality as all here. I am not defined nor determined by others so thus instead of reacting, I commit myself to use what is here as life as others and correct myself to stand one and equal with all as I see and realize the ego as mind is not real and only causes diminishment in myself as I go and abuse others in my back chat and thus eventually in the physical which is unacceptable and not necessary as I can stop myself and change.

I commit myself to change this point of blame and going into ego, to thus walk with others in understanding and seeing what it is that is actually being said and lived and thus change myself to align with oneness and equality in the best way I am able to for the best outcome I can walk for all life. I stop polarity playouts and stop my fears from directing me.



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Garbrielle
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Joined: 15 Jun 2011, 03:29

Re: Garbrielles' Journey to Life

Postby Garbrielle » 17 Apr 2012, 08:04

Day 2- Survival is not Life

Points that came up within a recent post on the Desteni forum was based on the fear of catastrophe in this world, this based on the reality that oil will dry up one day, and within considering this point for myself, a fear arose within me fearing for my very survival if it comes to the point and we have not stopped where the resources finally run out.

Within writing this I realize that this scenario is but one scenario out of an infinite range of possible outcome that could occur, and thus within my mind I can come up with many fears to coincide with the probability of this world going to shit, but within this fear I realize it is not real nor beneficial and only cause me to be stuck, like frozen in time, where I can not move as all the muscles within my body constrict and I go inwards to braise myself for what is to come as the mind perpetuates with thoughts and images of impending doom.

With fear I realize it leaves me stagnate and is not beneficial for myself or life, and thus I let it go. I stop existing in fear as I see it is not real as it is created and generated within my mind, in dimensions in the chambers of illusion that I can make up like make believe, but what is real among this fear, I within how I am living is not as I am existing in fear of my life when in fact I am alive here as I breath, the scenarios I am creating are not as we still have time to stop ourselves and become the solution through equality. The only point we have to live and consider is oneness and equality, respecting and allowing life to be free and live. Creating this scenario for all life, we will not have to fear as all will be supported, we will create ways to not depend on oil, ways best for all life where the resources are respected and renewed to life one and equal to self.

I see and understand that life in breath in the physical is what matters as it is the real organic matter of this reality we live and what we are sourced and consist of. So I see instead of wasting my time in fear, it's best and makes sense to live in the physical, find solutions to what is here as this current world and system, and create the best outcomes for all as we face the consequence within the world we created. There is no avoiding consequence, but being here instead of fear is much more productive and gives me a chance to transform myself into the solution I see and realize is here, equality of all life is the only way for life to be balanced and in equilibrium. I am here to walk solutions and take responsibility as this world to thus be able to then create solutions instead of existing in fear and constriction as the mind goes on a field day. I walk in self honesty and self forgiveness as who I have become to thus have the opportunity to create myself fresh, here, and in oneness and equality in what is best for all life to live the solution as myself one and equal with what is here as the physical outflow of this world, which is me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear losing the resources I have grown accustomed to based on my advantage to have a job and an income to thus be able to sustain myself and my resources in this world to survive another day.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear being on the streets with no resources and thus no protection from the elements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus go into survival mode and thus harm another through taking more then my fair share to get what I want within my own self interest to thus be able to survive over another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow fear within self to come to a point where I as life have to survive here to live as I have accepted and allowed a system to be put in place where I need money to survive and to get money I have to be able to compete to thus live another day.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create fear within myself that I will not get enough and thus desire to hoard more then my fair share as I desire to be able to survive even though I realize within this point that I will allow another being as myself to go without.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create a fear of myself that I will lose my life and my survival if I share and give to others as I would want to receive allowing and accepting myself to fully exist and engage in this system of separation as competition and survival which was created by me in greed and desire for more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create a system in which I govern my life in a way where I have to compete against myself to live here and thus accept and allow myself to go without and suffer in physical pain because I allow and accept greed to govern who I am as I exist within the ignorance of myself as the belief that I am not my neighbor fueling the mind as ego which desire to be on top in the survival game we play, but this is not a game many suffer.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting greed within material possessions possess me into believing that I can not exist without my precious stuff and so thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to value goods and money over the very life that keeps me alive and breathing here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to kill myself based on allowing fear to direct me into separation and the justifications of thoughts, beliefs, and ideas that we are not in fact one and equal which I realize and understand this is only a self abdication into and as my ego to exist in the pursuit of my own happiness in spite of the suffering of billions over ages of time passed and continues in this very breath so I as the mind survive and attain more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting thoughts that I am separate from my neighbor in an attempt to gain over them as I fear to lose what is mine and thus have less then what my neighbor has.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear having less then my neighbor because I have created a belief that there is not enough here based on my appetite for material wealth that I am seeking to fulfill this void within me of emptiness and non-fulfillment which is an infinite pit as this thirst for more will never be satisfied as desire is a mind illusion that exist infinite in cycles of more/less.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus go ahead and steal from my neighbor, her husband, her goods, her land, her life in the attempt to gain my happiness through my desire for more to fill this void within myself as a continuous fear of not having enough and losing what I have which drives me for seeking more and more which can never be satisfied as it is not real but made up and fueled continuously through the mind as ego which seeks to survive no matter what.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the fear of losing what I have based on the fact that I have defined myself separate to who I am here as life and thus value what is 'out there' more then myself and seek fulfillment within the ego where I can do anything as the mind is made in illusions through multi-dimensions that I as the ego easily am able to get lost in and forget who I am thus able to then abdicate the responsibility I hold to myself and all life as equals.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe to fulfill myself I need more then my physical breath and the equality of life as if material goods and money value has more worth then the very air that allow me to exist in this very moment and that the earth is not plentiful within its given out herself to allow her equals to live in abundance and joy within balance and equilibrium as life as ourselves.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take life for granted based on belief that I am not enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my ego to direct me into beliefs, thoughts and fears of desire and need because I am in self interest in my personal bubble mind reality while real physical reality is not considered and thus extensively abused as I only consider my life, my needs, and my fears not considering the innumerable life beings that exist right here in this same physical existence as me and thus as me deserve the respect and honor to live and breath and enjoy their expressions as living beings as I am able to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting ego as mind to direct me into temptation through giving into desire for more and fear of not having enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting ego as my mind to only consider myself within this physical world as I abdicate my responsibility to life as life has given to me unconditionally within every breath I take.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting thoughts, beliefs, and ideas to distract me from the equality and oneness of myself as all life in what is here to walk and live as myself to a new world that is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take my very breath for granted and thus go out and abuse the life that is keeping me alive through allowing and accept fear to direct me and desire that I don't have enough where I take more then my fair share.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use ego as a compensation for the fear I have instead of standing up and stopping all the points of polarity as mind and walk the solution as myself to life one and equal with all stopping all abuse forevermore to all life that is being missed as I diminish myself until the point of death as the physical as me.

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My Self Correction:

When and as this point of fear comes up where I believe I will not survive or I will lose what I have, I stop and breath, as I realize and see within and as what is here as this physical existence as I align myself with oneness and equality with all others that are here, we as life are able to create any means necessary to have a life of support and fulfillment through giving all equally their fair share as the earth provides unconditionally for us and we as creators are able to create whatever it is we live into being. I am the creative principle here and I am able to direct myself within and as any point that render a solution through only honoring the principles of myself as life one and equal with the physical that exist that allow life to live. I am one with the physical as the physical is one with I.

I commit myself to stop all points of fear when and as they arise and always focus and push self to walk the solution within the principles I live as and for the best outcome of all life and to birth a new world that is supportive and free to life here forevermore. I stop all points of desire for more and separations of myself as ego as I realize this is not real as who I am is here within what I touch, see, hear, breath, and live. I am here.



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Garbrielle
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Re: Garbrielles' Journey to Life

Postby Garbrielle » 19 Apr 2012, 07:33

Day 3 - Judgement of Self

When I watched back the video I made tonight I immediately went into reaction of seeing myself as ugly. Judging and comparing my physical face to memories of what I have looked like and approved of in the past, and thus seeing myself less then those pictures. Throughout my life, I have based people, my first impression of them, based on their look. Defining the being in whether I was going to like them or not due to if they where attractive or not, and this definition and initial judgment of another would create a separation which compromised my ability to be with them as equals and thus taint the meeting to be only as ego within self interest to be on top, be the winner, and thus gain system approval and acceptance for myself.

This was fueled by seeing movies and tv shows were the people on there were always very attractive, I was very much into beauty, I enjoyed people who were very attractive looking, and this initially was not in a sexual way, but in a way to establish myself among 'friends' and basically size myself up to thus compete for the most attractive male in my later years. I did not accept myself because I desired to be perfect within my look this never being able to be satisfied within myself because I was always seeing myself in comparison with others which created a hell for myself and me with others as I constantly was in competition. Til here no further I stop the judgment of myself as well as others within pictures, we are more then pictures, we are here as life. Life is not limited to look, pictures, or definitions and I am not limited to competition and the mind as ego, I can transcend and walk as equals with all that exist as I realize all that is here is me, I must stop my mind and thus walk within and as the physical as what is real to live this in fact to align myself one and equal with all as this physical reality as the physical reality is what is life, what is real, what is 'god', what is self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself based on images I am holding onto of what the perfect face should look like, what the perfect eyes should look like, what the perfect hair should look like, what the perfect style should look like and thus be constantly and continuously comparing myself to everyone I see, and thus define myself only by the outside looking in as I realize and see that who is on the outside is not who I have to be, I do not have to continue to define myself by the pictures that I hold onto as perfect and thus I can let go of this desire to be some image that is not real and not tangible to even consider never mind take up so much of my time in worry, thoughts, and attention as I simply made it up in my mind and made it real by allowing perfection as an idea to possess me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge another being based on this picture image I have in my head of the perfect look and thus within this perfect picture idea in my mind, size the being up and thus go into a conclusion that the being is then defined and figured out so to speak and thus I direct myself from this conclusion I made of him/her within ego as seeing myself in comparison to what I concluded as more or less within the other. I realize that within this type of separation of defining and judging a being within the idea of more/less and constantly and continually participating within this comparison as I meet new people and with all the people in my world I am creating my own hell as their is no fulfillment and joy in trying to attain a stance of superiority through other beings by diminishing them in my mind and really I realize only diminishing me as eventually I will sabotage the the other as my ego always looks to be on top and thus will abuse another to attain this goal of superiority.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into my ego and diminish others in an attempt to be superior to others as I am compensating for the inadequacy I see of myself through not accepting myself and judging myself within the polarity play out of better/worse as my image and what I believe is important as being perfect to be accepted. I realize and see that being perfect within the mind as ideas, images, and polarities is not real but only sabotaging myself to really live and walk self perfection through become self perfected in taking consideration of everyone that is here as myself and living equal and one to all that is here as I would want for myself. I see and understand real perfection is within and as life here in this physical reality through creating systems and solutions to better life for all and thus enjoy life as ourselves with each other in total acceptance and embracement of the joy of ourselves as life living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to base my whole beingness on the image of who all of us are within an idea that beauty is valuable and those who are more beautiful are somehow more worthy then those who are not. I see and realize the cycle of torment I have created for myself by existing within this absolute abdication to who and what life is as one and equal with all that is here in this physical reality and defining life by pictures that the being has no control over and makes absolutely no difference to the relationship we hold here as one and equal with each other as we are all the other as all that remain here is self, nothing exist outside of self as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to play into the depression of myself when and as I came to points in my life where I would see myself as not as pretty as the other and really within myself define myself as less then that I somehow was not as worthy, privileged, and special as I saw those with the great beauty. I see and realize that this idea of beauty as something that is able to be valued and thus defined and categorized among beings is in complete separation by accepting my mind as ideas and pictures to have power over me and thus abuse the life around me as well as myself due to following these thoughts that to be someone here you had to be good looking based on following my thoughts and ideas that I am the mind and I have to win to live.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow jealousy within and as myself when I see those who are in picture presentation that are the ideal image I would like to be of perfection in beauty and allow myself to go into spite towards the being as I see myself less then them but desire to have what they have as I believe there life is great as they have everything that I would want and that they have the perfect life because they look the part. I realize and see that what is here is not to be defined and placed in a box perfection as an idea placed into beauty, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and thus not relevant to what I am walking here as life in oneness and equality. Life is life and thus added value judgments of beauty is only limiting our expression and determining ourselves within images of the mind as ideas that need to be lived up to which is not necessary and cause division among beings if one accept and allow the ego to control self, so thus I realize best to stop limiting myself to ideas of beauty and perfection and live beauty as perfection of self here within all that exist in absolute specificity to the consideration of all parts of myself as the whole is unified and supported within the support system I am as life living with no ego as mind to hinder one's expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be spiteful within my backchat towards another being I see as more then me as I am jealous that they have the perfect picture that I desire and believe I need to succeed here in this world, so to make myself feel better, I will be quick and try to manipulate them to get them to be on my level through finding flaws in them and making them see it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be spiteful towards others beings and be nasty within my backchat as trying to diminish them based on seeing them more then me. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a depression state to ensue when I value myself less then other based on looks and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting depression to exist within and as me as I see myself unworthy and useless if I don't stand at the top among the group I am with and be seen as the best among them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus compensate within my athletics to make up for the lack I felt within my look so thus I could have some value among my peers and be seen as cool in a way that I saw others as cool, those who were good at sports.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself and others as cool based on if we played sports or not and placing a value judgment on physical activity and motion instead of realizing and existing as me here comfortable and stable within myself as I discover and express myself within the enjoyment of physical movement with others and with myself as my human physical body.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow abuse onto others based on my jealousy towards them of being prettier or better in sports then me and thus find ways to manipulate and diminish them to make myself be more and be seen by those at the top of the group so I thus can impress and get myself closer to being at the top.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to diminish myself within the idea and living out this idea that i have to manipulate life and abuse life to get to the top in compete self abdication as myself as equal with all and go into ego to be seen by others within my acting in an abusive and self interested way to impress those I see as more then me so I can be accepted and seen as cool among the group as see as better then me. I realize and see that this is not who I am and thus I stop all forms of desiring to impress others to gain their approval to thus be seen by others as being in a certain group and thus go into self interest to try and be seen as more to thus boost my ego and be disillusioned that I am somebody because I am 'popular' but only living by the system of abuse through diminishing myself by abusing others for my own self interest desires and gains to be accepted by those I see as superior to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate me from the life that is here within ego as jealousy and judgment as I realize and see that I am only diminishing me and creating a cycle of self abuse as I go from peak to lows in a never ending cycle of searching for who I am and trying to fit in with others all the while creating conflict and abuse in my world due to anger and jealousy because I don't see myself live up to my idea of perfection within my mind that i desired very much.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define life by pictures and from the mind as ego within polarities of inferiority/superiority based on an idea that I need to be perfect to be accepted and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe to make it in this life and succeed I have to be accepted and thus I had to be perfect within what I did and look like as I was in competition with all the others in my group which created allot of depression as I just could not live up to this expectation of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create an expectation of myself that I had to be perfect to succeed and be accepted instead of realizing and seeing that true success is when one live in peace and freedom with one self by accepting oneself for who one is and embracing all that is here as self in thus forgiving oneself for seeing themselves in a faulty way to thus change self to live here among all life equal and one.

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My Self Correction:

When and as I go into this point of beauty and trying to fulfill this perfect picture within my mind, I stop and speak 'no, til hear no further', where I realize and see that life is I as a life being am not defined nor limited to any point of deinition, thought, belief, idea that the mind makes up within the polarities that will play out through accepting the ego to direct. Thus I commit to stop my ego as these thoughts, beliefs, ideas, and definitions to thus let go of the ties of limitation and allow myself to breath and live as myself in all that exist here as I create myself within all that is here as we as life walk as equals together in oneness and live in this way as well.

I commit to stopping all thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and jealousy based on placing value on judgments within polarities in separation to what is here.

I commit to walk with all life as myself and accept all life without any point but here as breath as I align with the physical in my words and deeds to thus embrace the world as myself and all living beings within it so peace can be lived and I can live in peace within myself as I walk and align myself with the perfection of this physical reality within the principles of oneness and equality through living in self honesty and self forgiveness.

I commit to accept myself as all as one as equal and stopping all ego to be more and thus stopping all points of self sabotage as I go into the polarities of separating me from mysel fas all life. I stop separation in all forms and bring all forms here as me in living with life one and equal with me.

I commit to stand equal to life and thus stop at nothing to see this world live in this way through and as my self living and birthing myself with perfection my every breath to align to what is best for all life.



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Garbrielle
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Re: Garbrielles' Journey to Life

Postby Garbrielle » 19 Apr 2012, 07:33

Day 4- Me as the Manipulator and the Haste that this Creates

Day 4- Me as the Manipulator and the Haste that this Creates
Within others I have found that I have desires to get what I want out of them and whatever the situation may be and thus I create a polarity play-out of fear where I am always in fear of losing whatever the point is that I desire, so thus I create an impatience and a haste within myself to always be moving quick and manipulating what is going on so thus I can gain the best opportunity to get what I want. When I hast and rush tho I mess up and make mistakes because I am missing myself here in breath living, but always I am within my head in desires and future projections to plan and create the pathway for me to get the best outcome possible for me so I can be satisfied, this within the mind as energy.

There is thus a point of manipulation occurring as I go into self compromise to make sure that my desires are met, and so I manipulate the situation or the people to go the way I want, so I can get a certain outcome. As I have lived this play-out I have missed the opportunity to really live here within equality in self honesty with the other as this physical reality as I realize the sense of more and fulfilling desire through manipulation as an ego personality is not who I am and is not real as it cause abuse to the other and to myself. Til here no further I stop all manipulation, impatiences, and desire for more, and with this the play-out of fearing losing what it is I desire, I forgive myself and let go of these mind energies as I am here and I live equal and one to all.


I forgive allowing and accepting fear of lose to direct me into this constant state of rush where I allow and accept myself to go quick and to haste as I believe and see myself missing something if I don't get through tasks as quick as possible. Within this I realize that I am compromising myself within living perfection within what I am doing because when I rush I miss the specificity of perfection within living as living in specificity require patience, diligence, and focus, and when I am in a rush to get something done I am none of these things, but only in future projection to get to the next thing, whatever that thing is, just get whats in front of me done so I can move on.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to have a fear that I will miss something as I have the desire within self interest to gain specific things in my agenda when say I am with another chatting or with another at work, I move quickly through task to thus be able to get what I need out so there is no chance that I will miss my opportunity to get what I want that I desire form the other. I realize and see that through this desire and need to get something from the other I am compromising myself by separating myself and manipulating the situation from the starting point of being with them for more then just being here, and I see and realize that I must stop these desires for an ulterior motive as I am missing myself here as life and thus abusing life within self interest ego to get my desires met.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be in separation with others I am with within this ulterior motive of a desire to get what I want out of the situation be it information, advice, a possession, sympathy, praise, in an attempt to exalt my ego and satisfy the desire for more over what the person is willing to give and is aware of within communication.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be deceptive and manipulative with others when I desire to get something from them by not making them aware that I am shaping and shifting my words and actions to thus get what I want out of the situation. I realize and see that separating myself within desire and manipulation in my own self interest is deceptive and compromise my trust as a being of life. I see and stop this point of deception as I see what is valued and what is real is when trust within physical expression as equals here is built and maintained through time. I live self honesty, I live transparency, I live as equal to all life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to then become embarrassed when I mess up within my living due to this rush and haste I am living as, because I am not here but in my head as figuring out ways to get what I want and thus missing myself here within living. I realize and see that this embarrassment is an indication that I am not in fact real but in my head within judgments of myself and others. Also, missing myself here as the life around me and causing unnecessary accidents or mishaps based on my impatiences and rushing through things, when I realize and see that I could slow down and be patience within myself here focusing and being specific within what I am doing to thus not miss steps and be aware of all that needs to be taken into consideration.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to have ulterior motives when with others and thus be focused on my own self interest desires instead the other as me. I realize and see that I would not want this for myself so I stop this within myself and stop abusing life within manipulation and ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within impatiences and thus cause myself to be out of focus and miss points within my world that if I slowed down would see and realize. Also, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use impatiences as a backdoor to not have to face myself and thus compromise my process due to the irresponsibility that I accept when I allow myself to rush and loss focus as I allow the impatiences to direct me into a form of chaos within myself and losing the awareness and responsibility to the specificity within detail I am to consider and be aware of in regards to who I am as my mind so I can take responsibility for me and change me which require patiences and diligences.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to compromise my process to life within desiring to get things form others without there knowledge and based on this fear of losing my opportunity to get something from others, I rush and am impatient because I believe that there is not enough time to get all that I want done. I realize and see that to compromise process is to compromise my life and all the life that exist here, so thus I stop manipulation and desires for something more and live here within breath, in specificity, and stop all fears of lose as I have nothing to lose as I realize all that is here is me and thus I can never be lost or lose anything or anyone because I am always here.
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My Self Correction:

When and as this point of urgency and fear of loss arise within myself, I stop and breath, and stop all the thoughts, desires, and backchat motives of trying to get something out of someone that is manipulated and only for my own self interests. I realize and see that I am here as life and thus by definition of who I am I exist within all that is here, there is no limitation so thus no need to rush nor be in fear of lose. I realize and see that these desires are from the mind as ego so I stop my ego from directing me by stopping impatience, fears, and desires and live here for what is best for all which will always be what is best for me. Also, I stop myself as I go into manipulation within abusing life as I am separating myself to have more then myself here, and thus spiting myself within compromise by living in the mind as desire while the reality of the situation I am existing as is abusing life and really diminishing myself as I separate myself from who I am one and equal with all as the physical.

I commit myself to live within and as patience's in the specificity and focus to understand myself as creator and thus take full responsibility for my creation, to thus forgive myself for my faulty living, and recreate myself as life anew to a world were I/we are perfected within living as a system that support life equal and one to what is here as the physical as ourselves.

I commit to stop this point of fear of loss and thus create the polarity of desire for more. I within myself take responsibility for both these creations and thus live within breath here in equilibrium with all and creating solutions for all that all can embrace and be supported with.

I commit myself to live without limitations and thus without motives for any point of desire for more and thus embrace myself as life here as the physical and thus give as I would like to receive and love my neighbor as I would like to be loved until life is here and is in full expression.



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Garbrielle
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Re: Garbrielles' Journey to Life

Postby Garbrielle » 20 Apr 2012, 07:30

Day 5- Resentful Based on Blaming Life

I find I am resentful when I do not accept myself fully here and take responsibility for all the points that need to be looked after and kept up, when I fall behind and allow tasks to pile up, I will go into blame towards any point within my world, and then be resentful to those that are on the ball or rather smoothly walking through their day. Missing myself within this point of equality with others, and thus going into a tantrum because I am not having an easy time and want my life to be easy and enjoyable all the time, and when I don't get this I blame and resent that I see have this and thus justify the abuse of myself like a little kid throwing a tantrum when I dont get what I want and kicking and screaming because I wanted to have it my way.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to react to the responsibilities I have within my life as a choir and as something that is a drag everyday where I would be rather having an enjoyable time and not have so much stuff to do. I see and realize that within myself I am walking at a reasonable pace, I allow myself to fall behind due to laziness and procrastination so I see and realize that this is not due to any fault of being over loading me, but that I am not managing my time well and stalling when I could be walking effectively through pushing through all resistances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to go into blame towards others in my world due to the belief that they are the cause to whatever it is that I am reacting to at the moment, and thus going into ego as mind to relieve energy that has been built up of frustration and irritation by myself for not being able to be relaxed and have an easy time during my day. I see and realize that within this I am in complete abdication within my responsibility to myself and all life to walk diligence and specificity to thus be able to get all my tasks done and use the tools available to me like budging time and others to help with the work load so that I can get all done and all is well.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into thoughts of blame towards others because I do not want to face myself and the obviousness that I am being lazy and procrastinating because I do not want to push myself thru the resistances which is not an easy thing but well worth it and get the work done that has to be done to keep myself going and life flowing. I realize and see that within this point of blame towards another it gives me a momentary way out of facing myself but this will always come back around where I will go into the same behaviors that created this outflow in the first place and lose the opportunity to change by stopping these patterns of laziness and procrastination and directing myself effectively to be effective and get my tasks done as I know I am capable to get done.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting laziness and procrastination to direct me within and as my world when I face resistances to get the manual labor done or get projects done that take effort, and thus go into these mind energies that sabotage my opportunity to change and expand within my living here. I see and realize that allowing these mind energies of procrastinating and laziness only limits me and diminishes me as this is what I am existing as limitation and self diminishment as I am not expanding myself be retracting into myself. I understand and see that I am more then my mind resistances and limitations and thus I push myself to walk through all resistances and mind reactions to thus walk in stability and do whatever it is that needs to be done to get life here one and equal as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to react in resentfulness towards other I am blaming due to my desire to take out my anger, irritation, and anxious energies on to others so I don't have to face them and deal with the responsibilities that I have abdicated to know because its has accumulated to such an extent I can't blame any longer as it's obvious the issue is me. I realize and see that resentfulness is a form of spitefulness due to my own lack of self movement and consideration for others and just abusing others because I will not control myself and face myself within what I have created and change to correct this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abdicate myself responsibility to life here and abuse it to gain my own self high through energy build up and release and accepting myself to be spiteful and abusive towards others that are innocent within these situations because I do not want to face myself and push myself, sabotaging myself to live among others in peace and create myself as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to spite life and really I see spiting myself within blaming and resentfulness as I am abdicating my chance to really live as I will not give this to another, but abuse and hurt others because I accept and allow energy to direct me as I have accepted my ego as polarity to play out in my world. I realize and see that allowing energies as mind to direct me through existing within polarity play outs of happy times/hard times, I am creating myself into a vacuum of cycles that only cause abuse to others as I act on this without any self direction and I then diminis myself as I separate myself from life.

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My Self Correction:

When and as I go into points of laziness and procrastination, I breath and push through the task I am doing to thus show to myself I don't limit myself nor bound to the energies of the mind. I stop these energies as resistances from directing me and thus I realize I will stop the blame and resentfulness towards others in my world as an outflow of this procrastination and laziness behavior. When and as I stop accepting myself to live into resistances I will build my self will and self trust and thus be able to walk through all my responsibilities and manage my time effective to be the most effective being I can be. Here I breath and allow these energies to pass as I stop myself from reacting and direct myself in oneness and equality with all life as me in what ever comes my way, I stand and walk in common sense for what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop blame and resentfulness towards others in my life as I will take responsibility for myself, and push myself to become effective in my living and do what I can do to help bring equality here.

I commit myself to push through all resistances as they arise always within the direction and discipline of my own self equality and oneness with life as I see and realize what is real is who I am as a living being walking and breathing with and as the equality and oneness of all life.

I commit myself to always consider the other within any point that comes up as blame or resentfulness as I stop these points of self abdication onto another, and I walk the re-alignment with myself with all life to thus be able to solve issues in stability and self responsibility rather then go into the mind and create separation unnecessarily as I realize and see all here is me.



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Garbrielle
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Re: Garbrielles' Journey to Life

Postby Garbrielle » 21 Apr 2012, 05:54

Day 6 - I am an Anger De-Man

I exert my anger where I find that I am believing that I am more then another or where I blame and see myself as a victim, both I see are not real as they are abdicating my self responsibility to life as I am the creator of who I am and how I experience myself, thus I stop this through self forgiveness, and walking the change to stand equal with life in a way that is best for all.

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I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within anger in my world towards any point that comes up in the statement that I see another at fault and thus am reacting in blame and creating unnecessary abuse as I exert my anger onto another. I see and realize that anger is but a manifestation outflow of not taking responsibility for myself and seeing self as a victim, I am here though and see that I am the cause of all that is here as me, and thus I walk the correction of stopping this anger from directing me through slowing myself down and seeing that I am the source, core, origin of why I am behaving in such a way as anger towards another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into a point of victimization towards my world and what has occurred with others and thus go into blame and energize my back chat of thoughts that I am the victim, I am the one who gets the short end of the stick, and I should not be treated this way it's not fair. Within this backchat I allow it to accumulate to such a degree where eventually I will go into an energy outburst towards others as anger and ruin any trust or equality built by accepting myself to demonize and diminish others thru exerting my force over them through shouting and calling them names. I realize and see within this that I am the cause, source, and origin of this deliberate abuse towards another by not controlling my emotions and existing in spite and blame towards another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within spite and blame towards another being because I don't want to give up this energy as anger based on the sensation I get when I exert it and it releases the built up of frustration and irritation I have within myself, this feeling of release I have become addicted to and exhilarated by as it gives me a form of a high when I unleash it on others, allowing me for that moment to gain a release and feel 'good'. But I realize and see within this feeling of 'good' it will always come down to the reality of what I have done and created within my mania of anger towards others, which is regret and the living out of 'what have I done'. I see and understand that I am the cause of this and that I need to stop the accumulation of emotions and blame to not get to a point where I unleash and exert anger onto undeserving beings, I am the source thus I must stop this within myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be addicted to the energy accumulation and release of anger and in moments enjoy releasing it onto others as I feel within this moment more powerful and in control as a sense of dominance over another, and within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate myself into the belief that power and control is through dominating another and causing them to 'pay' for what I see is their fault. Within this point of 'payback' I see and realize this is a complete abdication to my own self creation of allowing this pattern to continue as I continue to participate in thoughts of 'I hate this person' 'this person is such an asshole, look how they just cut me off' 'aw will she just get the fuck into reality, and stop taking shit' and accepting these thoughts to direct me to separate me from the being where I have the false pretense that I am more deserving or more then this being because I have created these thoughts within myself as justification for the abuse and anger I exert on to them as accepting these thoughts as valid and true.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thoughts 'I hate this person' to direct me in moments where I have the ability to stand up within myself stop the separation within self interest, and walk one and equal within the persons shoes to get to know who they are, where they come from, and why they have created themselves in such a way to thus give myself understanding and assistance to stand with in finding solutions rather then going into ego and creating abuse within personality play outs of I am better then her/him.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thought 'this person is such an asshole, look at them just cut me off' as I see I am only going into ego to see myself exalted as the righteous one to thus see myself more then another to gain acceptance for myself within myself as myself within the polarity of inferior/superior as competition in my world. Within this I see and realize that this justification of being better towards another due to the fact that I am existing in competition so I can be the winner is unacceptable as it causes separation and harm, this is unacceptable due to it be a self indulgence to go the easy way out and not have to face myself as the creator of this experience, I am the one reacting and allowing anger and competition with another when I see I can simply let them go, stop, and direct in a way of self responsibility to a solution best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thought 'aw will she just get the fuck into reality, and stop talking shit' this again I see and realize is a point of exalting my ego so I can be seen as more then another being, and thus going into self righteousness where I believe I can call her out or inflict some sort of harshness onto her as I believe that she is just 'talking shit'. Where instead I realize I could stand one and equal with the other in an attempt to come to some common ground and see where she is coming from based on her whole perpective on things, where there is more understanding who she is as a being, and then from there direct myself within given perspective of my own, within common sense and working towards solutions rather then causing conflict.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exalt my ego in attempts of trying to be more then others and thus within this exhalation of my ego from and sourced within the thoughts i have created of being self righteous, instead of fully understanding and standing equal to that being, I am only creating conflict within my world and diminishing myself as I am being an abuser and causing harm to the life here that where I see I am harming me. I will always get what I create, thus I am the creator of myself, I am responsible for my creation. I see and realize that the ego as self righteousness is just me not accepting myself and the anger is me accepting and allowing dishonesty to grow as I go into abuse rather then in self honest introspection to stand equal and find solutions to what is showing within my world as resistances.

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My Self Correction:

When and as I go into this point of thinking about others in ways that are self righteous and diminishing them, I stop and say 'No' breath through the thoughts as I stop giving them energy, and thus I see that the accumulation of anger will diminish as I am no longer fueling with thoughts and emotions. When I see and realize that anger is accumulated, I stop and breath, and apply self forgiveness for this accumulation point, seeing and realizing that the being I am taking out my anger on or am directing it towards is me, and thus I stop abusing me as life.

I commit to stand within thoughts of accumulation and energy build up by disengaging them through stopping the participation with this back chat of blame and victimization, and remain here thru letting the energy go through breathing.

I commit myself to walk with beings as we walk our processes to become stable here, sharing myself in humbleness of what I have walked to give assistance if I see the need, and create the best way for all to stop conflict and stop anger by pushing and walking this stopping within myself.



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Garbrielle
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Re: Garbrielles' Journey to Life

Postby Garbrielle » 22 Apr 2012, 18:15

Day 7- The Seeking of Praise from Others

Today I got an email from youtube, and I get these emails all the time saying you have a message, 99% of the time they are a video promotion or some sort of multi user send out. I got one oh these messages that said 'sup', so I went ahead and checked out the email. It stated in message, 'I really like your latest video.....' within readings these words I got a reaction of excitement, this pattern of reacting to be liked or seen as 'good' is the point I will apply self forgiveness on as it comes up allot where I seek to be liked and am boosted in my ego when I am liked by others openly.

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I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to be liked by others because within myself I am not liking myself and thus seeking for assurance and acceptance within a separation of myself, which i realize and see I will never find and be satisfied as I am missing myself here, and thus will stay searching until I accept myself here and am satisfied with self just being here and breathing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see myself as someone who needs recognition and accolades from others to show that I did a good job or that I am effective to accept my work as acceptable, when I realize and see that this will only cause inhibition within myself as I am not really walking points for me, but I am walking points to get the praise from other people.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to get praise from others to show that I am acceptable and good at what I am doing and thus then decide whether I will continue or not based on the praise I got from it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting this desire to be liked and praised to direct me into seeking if others like my stuff, if I got hits on my videos, and thus based on my findings go into a feeling. I realize and see that using this feedback to make myself feel good and thus causing the polarity effect which will always occur as they feed each other and that I am not always going to be praised thus causing a depression state which I see and understand is unnecessary if I just walk here and stop feelings.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be within ego in desiring to get praise so I can see myself as special and great when i am only living into this cycle of lostness as I see when I direct myself form this starting point of trying to gain a feeling I will never be stable or ever be at peace. I realize and see that through using my skills and being effective within what I do, using the feedback given in a constructive way, and thus not taking what I am getting as feedback personally allows me to not be swayed by these feelings of trying to be more then others, but accept myself as others and walk as equals doing what has to be done in practically for what is best for all not to gain energy for my ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to compete with others to be seen as better within what I do so I can attain this good feeling through praise so I can be happy for a moment. I realize and see that this happiness is not real as it is coming from a point outside me and doesn't last more then a few moments. I realize to live happiness is to be happy within my living and thus include all life as supported and equal with me, thus then we can live happy as we have created happiness as a living experience for all, this is real....feelings are mind generated through polarities and separating me from life here to believe that I have to be more then another to be happy as the winner, the best, but this is not real as I am not one with all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss myself with life as I go and search for this happy feeling as being praised or being seen as good, and within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my starting point to be from a perspective of trying to gain this praise so I can be seen as great and thus be able to get these good feelings that I desired to get through making my stuff better then others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate myself from what I do here in the quest to gain a feeling and thus miss myself as life living and the opportunity to really live here in breath as equals as one with and as life as myself in self perfection in living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting competition within my world due to the fact that I am existing as ego and desiring to be more then others so I can gain praise from others which then enforces this cycle of looking for good feelings, looking for praise, looking for acceptance, instead of being good within and as myself, being praise and giving myself praise within and as what I do, and accepting myself for who and how I am and thus coming from a starting point of self as equal and one within who I am here as life. Living from here as life instead of mind chasing feelings that will always be fleeting because they can never last as mind is energy and energy never lasts, life is here in equality and oneness and only thus needs to be aligned with equal to and one with self; life I see is unlimited as it is everything that exist.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to chase a feeling as desire which I realize is never real while life is here and thus require self direction, missing myself to really live and direct myself, by deliberating becoming lost to chase a feeling that is based on me not accepting myself for who I am and living in self interest to feel nice, which is self abdication and unacceptable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be in self interest due to desires of nice feeling while life is dying here and thus missing the opportunity to direct myself to be effective to stand equal and one as the solution as life in equality in all ways which is the solution. I realize and see I must stop ego as mind patterns and stop self interest.

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My Self Correction:

When and as this point of desiring praise or coming from a starting point to be better to gain praise and acceptance, I stop and breath and do not accept myself to go into the thoughts and thus then the living of this starting point of separating me into ego as competition. I breath and realize and walk that I am here as life and thus I do not need a point of reference as praise or acceptance as a feeling being generated within me, but I can live from self here as I accept all and thus always be this state of acceptance and thus support thru who I am as I give it to others and thus I live this equal within my world. I also see I will have to accept all points of myself and realize that I must walk the change to correct these points that are not aligned with life as I see that life is here and what is for real, mind as energy is just a point of desire to be more and seen as special which will never last.

I commit myself to stop all thoughts, words, and deeds within the starting point of gaining praise or good feelings. I stop creating myself from this starting point and commit to stop the self interest desires to be more as I realize it is separation.

I commit myself to accept myself here within as who I am in this moment and thus realize that I am here walking a process that will take many steps to live in perfection within this realization I commit to stop the self judgments and the competition as I disengage my ego, and live from a starting point of self equality with all that live here in breath.



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Garbrielle
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Re: Garbrielles' Journey to Life

Postby Garbrielle » 23 Apr 2012, 06:49

Day 8- Allowing Distractions

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into my mind as a distraction to not have to apply myself here within my living in task that I desire not to due as I don't want to put in the effort to see them through til the end.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to become distracted when I am about to write a blog or do a vlog where i go tool around on facebook or in forums, so I don't have to focus myself and get the work that is set in front of me to complete as I desire to get lost in my mind within all the interesting things I see online to entrain me so I don't have to move and actually push myself to work.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be entertained through outlets on the Internet so I don't have to walk out the points within self honesty and self forgiveness as I as my mind don't desire to look or go there as it will take time to walk the points out and get them written down on paper.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that I have the option to just putz around on the internet as i have free choice to do whatever it is that I want to do when in reality I am defining each and every moment of my life in terms of who I will be and stand as in the face of this world and life when it comes to that point.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting laziness as a point of a way out and escape from having to put effort in and complete task that take time, patience's, and self will to complete as if I am not having any kind of consequence that I will have to face and that I can just do this because I just don't want to move completely abdicating my responsibility to myself and not only to myself but all those who don't have a voice and are suffering so I realize there is no choice but only for me and me as this world to stop the mind bs and stand up and get this process done.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a point of heaviness within me as resistance within my physical as I feel weighed down from these points that I am accepting within my mind as task that I am defining as too annoying and too much work instead of stopping the laziness, stopping the resistances, and just getting to work completing the writing and staying here within breath walking myself to life as I realize I am not limited to my mind and resistances I am much more then this mind boundaries, I as life am boundless cause I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself by this feeling as being weighed down within the desire to not have to push myself and stop because I have created a belief that I just can't do it, I can't move past these resistances, I am just too tired to get this done.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thoughts as beliefs that 'I just can't do it, I can't move past this resistance, I am just too tired to get it done' as I realize these are but beliefs that exist within the mind to stop me from moving myself so thus the mind as consciousness is able to have full control of my physical for energy to keep it alive, where I as the principle of my physical as life can and will direct myself into always stopping all points of resistances and beliefs within me as i see and realize these beliefs and resistances where placed within self so thus to keep self enslaved to stay inferior to the mind so the mind can stay alive as CONciousness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to enslave myself through a mind system as consciousness within accepting and allowing thoughts, emotions, and feelings to direct me instead of me here directing myself as physical life in equality with myself as all life in the best possible livelihood for all here as I would want the best for me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to limit myself within accepting and allowing to go into distractions so thus I can stop these feelings as resistances and have a nice feeling again by being entertained and not having to move or push myself, but be contained and feeling good through the impulse of images that I can scan through and be stimulated by through thoughts, ideas, and desires.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to instead of using my time here effectively within going on the internet and learning, expanding, and applying myself within anything that I read, write, or move through, I waste my time in thoughts about celebrities or stories that have no relevance to changing this world to a solution that is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to waste my time here on points within this world that are not supportive and effectively directed to support a world that is best for all life, I realize and see that life is waiting essentially for humanity to take this one opportunity to walk this process to life and become equal with all and stop the atrocities we have inflicted on all walks of life in the quest for energy as an ego personality to be more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into points of ego within and as me as I desire to have myself be more then another instead of realizing this, stopping, and changing so I stand equal and one to life instead of in separation, I must walk this in fact to live it by disengaging my ego and living here in practical reality as physical life as me here in breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that I have time to waste as this life is so long when in fact this is a point of abdication within assumptions and illusions that I know when I will die and that I have time to waste as it will take many breaths to see this point of equality and oneness lived for all in fact equal to me, so thus I stop wasting my time and stop the delusion that I have time to waste as life deserve for me to put my all into this process as I see this is what I would want if I was in there shoes, those who have no voice.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abdicate my responsibility to life in distractions and resistances within desires to do my own thing once in a while instead of getting real, stopping self interest, and walking my process in each moment stopping the patterns as ego personalities.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting desires to direct me here and miss me as the creator of my world and thus to change this starting point to be responsible for my creation I have to change my living to align within the physical, I realize no one else will walk this for me, this a fact. I am responsible to change me

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My Self Correction:

When and as this point of distraction comes up, I take a DEEP BREATH, and stop all thoughts, desires, and resistances from taking over, I move myself within whatever the point is and walk it to it's completion, I apply this until I no more have distractions or resistances to do anything on my regular responsibility list and simply do what is necessary to be done so to create what is best for all until life is here in equality.

I commit to stopping distractions on the computer and in life, and thus align myself to manage my time effectively by allowing myself time to relax for a moment during my day, but I stop all points of taking advantage of this point. Walk the responsibilities at hand and thus become an effective system as life walking life for what is best for all in whatever comes my way.

I commit to stopping ego as desires to do something else, gain energy as good feelings, and follow temptation of gossip, and stand here disengage the desires and thoughts to gossip and gain energy, and walk whatever I see is practical to get myself back to here, to process, and to align myself with what is real as my physical in my movement when these thoughts or desires come up.



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Garbrielle
Posts: 1349
Joined: 15 Jun 2011, 03:29

Re: Garbrielles' Journey to Life

Postby Garbrielle » 25 Apr 2012, 18:33

Day 9- The Cycle of Desire/Need and Jealousy - Part 1

Within growing up I have always played into this play out of desiring a person in my world to hang with, be around, and thus give me feedback in terms of who I am and what I am doing. Within this the starting point was always ego as it wasn't about me growing and expanding within my equality and oneness with the other in living expression, but it was to see how they make me feel, if they can see how 'special' I am, and so I can compare myself to these people and give myself a gauge to where I am in terms of creating myself as the best. So I look for points such as, do I match up to this person? Am I better skilled? am I better looking? am I smarter? Within this relationship play out over my whole life basically it has been about me in comparison and competition, to fulfill my self interest desires to be seen as special and the best to thus be able to exalt my ego as my mind in stimulation for these 'good' feelings. This causing not an enjoyable stable life, but a life of turmoil and uncertainty as these relationships are always fleeting and no real trust is ever built as their is no trust ever built with self and nurtured into maturity due to the constant living into the mind dimensions of want, need, and getting 'good' feelings.

This then within being with other beings I created a need within me that I had to always have to have this being see me as the best, to be seen as special, to be seen as better, as I have now become addicted to the elixir of 'good' feelings that this generate when I am being exalted by another as my ego just eats this right up. So I built up this need for relationships with every point and person in my world, every being I meet it was in the starting point of gaining some 'good' feelings for myself as these feelings had become my reason for being, to be the best and to find those that will play into this game, so I can live in this great feeling forever. Just like a parasitic organism, which is not pretty as it sucks the life out of other living beings, but when I look in self honesty at the relationships we live in this world, it's nothing to do with 'love', 'union', joy with another, but about ego and who we can gain our energy fixes as we live on this energy to define and know who we are at all costs even if it's the harm and enslavement of other beings.

Within this play out of energy as good feelings we get with another in a relationship, we all know, what goes up must come down, all those who have played into the point of energy as good/bad feelings, and living out the chase to get the good feelings more and more, this we know will never last, the good feelings always run out, leaving us feeling empty and unfulfilled. The interesting thing about relationships is it can be played both ways, where each get there dose of good feelings, but always it will be brought with the oppositie polarity of bad feelings as you look within competition and comparison for your time to shine, missing self here within the other and thus fights' and jealousy games get fed. This is the game where we exist in fighting, then making 'love', then fighting, then love, and it goes back and forth, back and forth, but never being stable within ourselves with the other, because I as the being is on a roller coaster ride in my mind as I ride the energy of desires for more good feelings while coping with the 'bad' feelings that will follow as this cycle plays out.

Also, another point that plays out that I have found within relationships is the need to have someone always with me, here I realize this is so the energy can be continuously fed through having someone in my world who will play the game with me and give me the necessary energy I require as 'good' feelings to hold my belief that I am the best, special, and beautiful, all desires I have from a ego perspective to be better then others. Also, I see a point of fearing being alone as when I am alone I am forced to face myself and see that I have only been existing in my mind through desires and feelings, being miserable as this never lasts, and being all over the place as it literally is like a ride I am on that is too addictively pleasurable to get off, but I realize sooner or later it's going to die out and I am going to fall off the tracks, but not caring because for now, I am good. This the reasoning of the mind as it always stays alive as we continue to feed it as it contiues to feed off our life force using/abusing our human physical bodies as we lived day in and day out. (Suggest you go to Desteni or Eqafe and gain some understanding through videos/articles for more on this perspective of mind/physical relationship and who we are within it as life source/substance.)

When this relationship's energy starts to die out, I will have a new emotion and physical experience come up where I am jealous of any and all beings that get to that postion as equal to me with that specific being that I was gaining good feelings from, and I have been 'replaced' in my mind where I perceive as an idea that I am no longer 'good' and 'special' within this relationship play out otherwise why would I be 'replaced', so the jealousy grows and gets fed through my anger and rage of losing that source of good feelings to another one who was in my mind is 'better', thus I allow anger and fuel my jealousy because I am not seen as good anymore feeding the ego as energy polarities going from good/bad as it plays out as we chase feelings as experiences in our world, a primary point this is played in is the relationship scenario as sex is an ultimate point of this good feeling generation.

So in this jealousy, I start the attack on the being that I perceive to have 'replaced' me or I perceive is gaining more energy from the being that I desire to have for myself. So also a point of possession comes in where I am possessed/obsessed with this being and exalt them as the 'best' because to be with me as in a relationship, to be my friend, you have to be the best because I only seek out the best within my idea of perfection I am seeking for and trying to live out within my world, so I seek for those that fit that picture to again feed my ego and make me feel special, good, because I am with my perceived perfection as a comparison to a picture in my head that I can then live up to and use as a gauge for myself as my mind. I go into this possessive point to try and hold onto the being, so within my backchat and within my physical actions I will diminish the other being who is now in the process of taking my 'place' where I perceive I will lose my energy source. Within these perceptions it then fuels my jealousy of this 'other' person who is gaining energy from my 'special' relationship and here I will go into manipulation to make them seem less then/inferior to me, I will diminish them at any chance I get as I see them as the enemy, we are at war and I am going to win. Jealousy fuels wars as it is in it's very nature has a potency to divide and conquer, this is what one want to do when you allow jealousy to direct you, it makes you nasty and it is an abuse to life as we seek to destroy that we see is in our way to source of ourselves as 'good' energy so thus we will abuse as we be'lie've this is the only way of life.

So points I realize within observing myself within this behavior and pattern personality play out is that it is a 'nasty' cycle as the relationship will never be real physical communication and intimacy with another because I am not here with the being, I am in my mind scheming, looking, pushing, forcing myself onto the other to gain energy as 'good' feelings as the being feeds them to me to get what they desire or want out of the relationship and I do the same to get my needs/desires met, so it's an addiction to energy game we play within relationships with the beings in this world fueled and continued to re-generate and exist through the jealousy polarity pole, to seek for a new source of relationship energy feeding or destroy the being who stand in my way.

These types of scenarios as relationships are not real and will never be real as I am not living within equality and oneness as life here within physical reality, I am in my mind in separation trying to live up to ideas, beliefs, and pictures to thus validate myself as I don't accept who I am as I am continuously in comparison with others and competing to be the best, which is impossible to be sustained as it's only energy that by definition will never last, it can't, as it is generated, where it's generated in our physical as the mind. In this play out as relationship I have written here, we see it is only for the mind as ego to gain energy as good feelings. It's an addiction to good feelings, believing that this limited feeling of good/bad play outs within competition and comparison is the only thing that exist for me here as I only exist within the mind reality, which is very limited compared to who we are for real, as one and equal with all of existence.

All the while missing myself as life, as life is here like in breathing, I am not here as I have no awareness of even the very breathes I am breathing when I am running around in all these scenarios in my mind beliefs, ideas, comparisons, competition that goes with relationships. I have realized the mind (link is perspective on the mind consciousness system which is inter-dimensionally placed system by the beings who created us) it is very limited, as it was never real, it was all an illusion, now when one realize this, what does that say about humanity/me? It says that we have been lost for a long while, but here is a process we are walking to realize ourselves as the mind and again walk ourselves into life, one and equal with the physical, it's cool to write this out and see the play out that is created within my participation as the mind, and thus from here I can write out the correction to thus be able to correct myself when I face these points again. This to create a world best for all life.

To be continued - Part 2 will include Self forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements..thanks for reading!



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Garbrielle
Posts: 1349
Joined: 15 Jun 2011, 03:29

Re: Garbrielles' Journey to Life

Postby Garbrielle » 25 Apr 2012, 18:35

Day 10- The Cycle of Desire/Need and Jealousy - Part 2

Self Forgiveness on Defining Myself as Another through and as Ego-

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself by another being in the relationship of seeing myself in comparision to who they are and thus creating a value judgment about the relationship between us within a positive/negative polarity playout.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within polarities as positive/negative playouts to any being within my world as a relationship definition to thus be able to have an expectation where I can gain energy due to the relationship definition I have created to the other being and thus going into the polarity playout of being able to gain energy if they live up to my expectation or not, either way I will be able to have an experience that which I am seeking to define myself by.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to seek out experience to thus define myself by and create more upgraded ideas and beliefs about myself to thus be able to create myself in a more refined way to be better then others and be able to gain good feelings thru my ego being exalted by others as I play the game of the system as win/lose scenario survival relationships.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to seek out these relationships where I am able to have my ego exalted and validated thus trapping another in my ego games as the cycle of positive and negative is lived until it has run it's course and the relationship die or the ego die as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create a form of a 'need' in relationship to another being in my world as I have created this relationship definition and thus to know who I am I now need this other as a comparison point in my world so I can create myself from this, this based on the desire to be on the top of the polarity to gain the 'good' or 'positive' feelings and ignoring the balancing act and thus not using common sense that I will thus live out the negative feelings as well which i don't enjoy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist only in the point of ego to gain energy from others in my world as I compete and compare myself through creating relationships of polarities and thus creating a race against myself to keep these feeling flowing as I sabotage myself with another to keep these relationships of energy continuing even though I realize it's sabotaging me and creating outflows of abuse and self diminishment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use my ego as my god to thus be able to go through my life and find the specific points as other beings who will be 'good' candidates to feed this desire I have to be seen by others as special and gain these feelings this create, but within this I am only using life for my own desires to be more then the other life here so I can exalt my ego and feel 'good' about myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that what life is about is competing and having fun and being 'happy' not realizing and being aware that I am creating these fleeting feelings of fun and happiness through my own ideas of what this entails, and thus is always in the starting point of me being the best which is not real as life is not in separation as polarities but here within oneness. I realize and see that being the best within and as my world will cause me to be last as I don't consider the other equal and one to me thus I will lose myself within this cycle as energy runs out and illusion will die when I as the physical die. I realize I can only live as life if I am of life which is physically here within equality and oneness no mind, no ego, no competition.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use others in my world to get energy and thus abuse them to gain feelings for myself based on me not accept myself as the other and thus living within inferiority so thus I balanced out the cycle by existing within superiority, trying to be special, more, better then the other in relation to me because from the starting point I did not accept mysel fas one with life as who I really am anyway.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to compare myself with the others in my world and judge others based on the physical look, based on their intelligence, based on their abilities within physical movements or in any skill we engage in, and thus base my conclusion of the being in relation to me, I will not see the equality, but only see and live out how I can be better or exalt myself when I have seen that I am more within my idea of what is better within the points I just listed or take notes of where I can upgrade to be better.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold ideas of what is 'good' and 'bad' in relation to the beings I meet and thus size them up and compare myself and always look for a competition so I can see where i need to upgrade and refine my ego so I can be the winner and stay on top.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within survival and believing that I have to stay on top and be the winner to be liked and seen as acceptable as I hold this on to others and defined them and accepted them based on these terms of living up to my idea of what is acceptable and what is not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto a definition of life here in separation as a polarity play out of good/bad to be able to define myself here and survive due to the limits I placed on myself by creating ideas and definitions of life on what is acceptable and what is not instead of realizing and understanding that there is no need to put limitations on our expressions as life and there is no need to be acceptable if one accept themselves equal and one to all life as all here is this in fact so it is recognizing and living the truth of who we are here as one and equal with eachother, that is everything that exists.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss the truth of who I am as life by being within the mind as illusions and definitions of ego personality play outs as pictures, ideas, beliefs, and thoughts that I had limited myself to by defining myself by this, so thus I realize to stop this polarity playout I must accept all here as myself and stop separating myself into ideas, beliefs, pictures, and thoughts that come from the mind which I realize is illusion and not real, and live here in breath and just stop participating in these limitations.

When and as this point of defining life and separating myself into good/bad polarity playouts within comparison and competition in my world arises, I stop breath, and push myself to stay within breath, letting go of all forms of mind energy and the energy addiction to gain from the life I am living with, but continue to breath, live in and as the physical, and walk one and equal with the other as me until this is a stable point of understanding in living as I see and realize that competing and comparing myself to other life forms to try and be better is not real as I see and understand as who I am is all that is here, there is no need to compete as I am only competing with myself, and thus be able to build self from this expression in equality to all that exist to thus create a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to stop judging and comparing myself to other beings in my world and forming relationships with them within the starting point of feeding my ego as energy polarity play outs.

I commit to stop separating myself into polarities and walk one and equal by accepting myself for who I am and seeing myself within and as each one I come in contact with and thus I commit to walk this until I am here equal and one as the physical.

I commit to stop comparing myself to others and stop the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that there is a goal I have to reach, but remain here in the physical in the within practical solution of walking as equals so we can stop the separation of ourselves as I stop this within myself.

I commit to accept me here with all life and stop all separation until it no longer moves me.

I commit to stop the addiction to energy and live here in physical reality as what is real is here in physical reality and who I am is here as physical as my body is made of the source of life as physical living substance, and I walk to equalize myself and align with the physical substance of life that I realize and am aware I am.


Self Forgiveness on Jealousy

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within the energy as emotion of jealousy accepting and allowing this to be real for me as I have separated myself from life and thus created this emotion as jealousy to compensate for the lack and inferiority I feel of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting jealousy to direct me in moments where I have accepted and created the idea that I need to diminish and take down life around me as I am only seeing through my minds eyes as ego personality competing and thus defining myself by comparisons.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting me to compare and thus go into competition with the life that is here as I realize that I am only competing with my own mind and thus it will only stop when i stop my mind as separations and bring myself here as breath in the physical reality of where life is in fact.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus go into jealousy when I believe I have been treated unfairly and thus am not getting treated within a way I expect from another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take what others do/say/act towards me personally and thus define myself within expectations of who and how beings should act and be towards me so I can have control over what is going to happen.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire control over what is going to happen with the people I am with and thus when it doesn't work out the way I desired I go into jealousy and blame towards others based on me holding onto an idea that I should always get what I want and then blaming someone and becoming resentful towards them based on idea of only having my own self interest in mind when their is a whole world of considerations and to be in ego is just an illusion I am accepting and allowing to limit me into diminishment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abuse life within creating jealousy when I see another is not doing what I expect of them and thus within my backchat go into demonizing them and degrading them so I can be on top and have myself be the winner, even if it is only in my own mind. Here I realize I am only creating myself as the de-man as I devalued myself as life by separating myself from myself and then blaming another for my own creation and consequence of who I had created myself to be, abdicating responsibility and thus I abdicated my chance at being life in equality as I wouldn't give it to another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create backchat as ego and jealousy to diminish others in separation because I am not accept myself here and thus not allowing life to live one and equal with what is here as physical. I realize and see to stop this cycle of desire / expectation and jealousy I must breath here and walk within the physical, become physical, and stop my thoughts that manifest the emotions/feelings/ideas/beliefs that separate me from the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not accept myself here and thus go into ego as wanting control and my desires met and when reality does not match up to this I go into resentfulness and become jealousy towards others, which cause abuse in my thoughts as I desire to take them down and diminish them any way I can.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be possessed by a certain person and thus go into jealousy when any other point come in and take the energy away from me that I was gaining from that relationship and thus go into sabotage mode to sabotage any chance they have with the other as my desire for this person overrides common sense and equality with all as I am existing in survival to continue the energy I am addicted to of my ego being exalted through becoming the best in my world as I see it through my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to sabotage myself based on not accept life here as is and needing validation and praise form others so I can feel good about myself and see that i am ok.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire validation from others as I see myself less then others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see life more then me and thus go into the energy playout of desiring to be more and thus allowing jealousy to playout as I am competing with everyone around me and having the energy of good feelings as praise become an addiction and when I don't get it I go into jealousy as envy as I see others get it and I want it so I abuse to thus get them on my level and then be able to compete again and have a chance at the good feelings again, only living from my mind as energy consumption as an ego personality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to become addicted to energy as good feelings and thus also become addicted to the polarity of that as bad feelings as they both give me a rush and I have accepted this as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to limit myself within who I am here within energy rushes and so I see I must stop participating in the energies by getting real, stop existing in polarities in separation, and become humble as the physical as who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abuse life in separation to try and survive as I have not allowed myself to really live as i am not really living but existing within the mind as energy playouts. I realize I am not energy, life is not energy, and thus I must stop the participation in the energy as the mind as I stop the participation in the mind as I see and realize i ma life and life is eternally here, it's always been here, I have missed it as I have not been here but in my mind in illusional alternate realities I created as ego personalities. I don't accept myself to abuse life in self interest, so I walk in humbleness and slowly disengage my ego and stop the separation of myself as life here in the physical by accepting each and all parts as me step by step, breath by breath.

When and as these points of jealousy and desires for control of another come up, I stop and breath, and let go of the energy addiction, allow it to go through me through breathing continually and stopping the thoughts as they come, walking within acceptance of myself as all here. I stop taking things personally as I realize that we are all walking our processes and I can direct myself to walk in the physical which is equal and one, when I become offended by another I stop and do not allow the emotions of jealousy to be activated and lived out. I walk within and as acceptance of all here as myself and live as an example to show who we really are as life and that we are not limited to the mind as energies as I walk this process out of my mind and birth myself as the physical.

I commit to stop jealousy in all its forms, walk and continue to stop the jealousy within backchat and stop the acting out of it into the act of abusing another.

I stop separating myself into ideas and desires as expectations of others and walk as the physical equal and one to all as all here is me as life, this is how I would want to be treated thus I give this to another as I may receive it as myself.

I commit to stopping the abuse of life as myself as ego in competition and so I commit to accept myself as all life and walk in oneness with all as I realize life is a gift and I have to accept it as myself to live it for real.

I stop seeing myself inferior to life and thus I stop and commit to stop the polarity play out of competition through seeing life in this inferior/superior playout in comparison with me. I commit to stop comparing myself with others breathing here, and walking the correction of equality with all life as myself.




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