I am opening up a thread here to push myself to write myself to freedom.
Today I became frustrated and angry watching this student not listening and paying attention to what was going on in class. I thought his lack of listening skills were disrespectful to others around him, especially those that are talking to him. What I observed from him is that he stares off in space, preoccupied in the mind, completely disregarding what was going on around him.
Now lets direct this point to me. I see within myself that I participate in what I had observed within him. There have been several situations where someone was talking to me or someone was giving instructions, but I did not hear because I was preoccupied in my mind, so I gave more attention and importance to my worries and thoughts in my mind than what was actually being communicated to me in the physical reality. This is a point of ego.
The student is showing me what I am accepting and allowing myself to still continue existing in, and I understand this lack-of-listening-pattern within me is a problem, and up until now I haven’t re-directed myself to write about it to take responsibility and script myself out for this to stop this pattern.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my anger on the student not paying attention, instead of realizing the anger has nothing to do with him, but has do with the point of dishonesty within me. The point of dishonesty being that I accept and allow that very pattern of not listening/paying attention in what is going on in my immediate environment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stare off into space, because I believe that the thoughts and concerns in my mind are more important than my immediate environment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the thoughts and concerns in my mind are more important and worthwhile to dwell over than what is actually going on in my immediate physical environment.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to listen unconditionally to what is being said to me when being spoken to. Unconditionally is that having no backchat, or thoughts, judgments, reactions or anything going on inside of me but listening clear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place more value to the thoughts in my mind than the physical reality.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that if I were share something with someone I would like that person to listen to me and not be in their mind, trapped in their thoughts, worries and concerns without doing anything about it.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to write out for myself what is it that basically preoccupies my mind within the day, so that I can see what it is that I need to release within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself because I have not consistently stopped myself from thoughts that distract me from the physical reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to consistently push myself to stop myself because of the belief that I am unable to be consistent because the mind is 'too big/too much for me.' And from this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mind is much more bigger than me, instead of realizing that the mind is showing me that I have given my power to it by enslaving myself to a system that is not life. I break free from this enslavement by standing equal and one to my mind, taking self responsibility for everything that exists within me and change myself through writing, self forgiveness, self honesty and self corrective application.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to respect myself --respect being that I honor myself by not accepting and allowing anything less than who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self respect.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within my thoughts of knowledge and information that just keep repeating and looping themselves around that cannot be practically applied in this physical reality as common sense. I see that knowledge and information that can be practically applied is cool, but everything else can be let go of through self forgiveness. However, if and when I see myself hold onto information, I will write about it to see why I am doing so.
When and as I see myself being spoken/shared/presented to and I shift into my mind because a thought begins to preoccupy my attention, I stop, I breathe and do not participate in the thoughts that I allowed myself to be taken away by. I bring myself back here, and listen to what is being shared. I stop myself in every moment from participating in my mind while being shared to.
When and as I see myself preoccupy myself with thoughts of concern or anxiety, I stop, I breathe and when I can, either find a moment to talk about it, or write about it so I can see what it is that I am accepting and allowing to float within my head so that I can stop it by taking responsibility, and forgiving myself, correcting myself so that I can walk clear-headed and directive.
When and as I see myself think/perceive/believe my mind to be "too big/too much" and see myself less than my mind, I stop, I breathe and realize I am enslaving myself to a system that is less than me, does not honor life, is not life, and is not me, and therefore, what is required for me is to take back my own self directive power to stop this belief, to stand up to my mind and I do so through writing myself out, forgiving myself, seeing the common sense, and correcting myself to change.