I have been enabling my grown son by providing him with money everytime he backs himself into a corner through his financial decisions. I realize that this is something first his father did and now something I am doing, out of fear because "what will happen to my grandson?" as the backchat goes that I engage in everytime I get a call from him.
The last time I gave him money which was quite a bit (money that I have saved), I told him I would give him the money with the stipulation that I would show him how to budget his money and I would be actively involved until such time as he and his wife could/would do this on their own.
So I purchased 2 notebooks and proceeded to set up a system (which was very simple) where they could record their earnings and showed them how much to put aside every week to insure meeting their bills, and still have enough left over to live on.
Well after two weeks, they informed me that they got it, they wanted to take care of this themselves and now that they saw it on paper they would continue.
So, I could not force them to let me continue so I acquiesed.
Well, I have been observing them and it seems they are up to their old patterns (which of course they would be as they are programs) who were never given the opportunity to reap the consequences of their acceptances and allowances.
So, as I am watching this unfold all I can finally do is nothing. I must step back as my enabling has never effected any change whatsoever.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within my mind within the thought/belief that I could change my son.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from who I really am by participating within and as judgment regarding my son's capabilities to provide for his family.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my son and I are one and equal and my son as myself is mirroring what I have accepted and allowed by participating within the mind, with looking for a solution within the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anxious as I watch this scenario unfold before me and participating in backchat of "well, eventually he is going to be calling me again, even though he promised he would never ask me for money again"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself within and as the role as mother/grandmother towards my son and grandson and in so doing diminishing all of us into these roles, limiting us through fear of the unknown, "if bills can't be paid"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not standing up in the moment, as one and equal to my son and grandson as Life as who we really are
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that in stepping back from my participation within and as the mind within fear and judgment, I am stepping back from trying to control the situation through my mind and as my mind no change can ever be affected as it is not from a starting point of self-honesty but of self-dishonesty as the mind.
My son as myself is standing before me as me in manifestation of the ineffectiveness of the mind to exact a permanent real change that considers what is best for all in oneness and equality.
I realize that in a world where equalmoney is in place this would not be happening. However, to reach that point I cannot come from fear and control, but can only step back and change myself and my participation within and as the mind.
So I am Here as Life as the Breath, Walking myself to freedom to affect the change I wish to see within this world, within my family, by changing me.