Jozien's Journey to Life

[Jozien]

http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/04/thi ... -with.html
Day 1 - Establishing Relationships - Sex and Fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to associate fear with a person leaving after we have been sleeping together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to associate fear with a person leaving after we have been sleeping together to exist within as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate someone leaving after we had sex with fear of being of no use anymore to that person

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear being of no interest to a person after I slept with the person.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let this fear of not being to any interest of a person anymore exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate sleeping with a person with the fear of no longer being to any interest to a person anymore

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in a world where we exist in and as patterns of consumerism wherein we loose ‘interest’ in things persons when “we have done it tried it, been there, done that “

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have participated within this exact same pattern wherein I looked at person as products which I could consume and spit out when I was done and fulfilled from consuming what I wanted out of it.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear what can be done upon me b/c I know what I have done upon others.

I realise that fear of not being of any interest anymore after someone got what he wanted isn’t serving me and therefore whenever this fear comes up I embrace my past within and as me and let this fear go

I realise that holding n to this fear is holding on to a past that can be changed in every moment here when I stand in front of myself and all others as self and face myself within the manifested consequences of this world system and that what we have allowed as us to manifest.

I realise that consumerism is an outflow of our current monetary system which we collectively agreed on manifesting

I realise that in order for this pattern to stop I must stop all patterns that are an outflow of this collectively agreed on manifestation of reality; embodied in and as our lives and has reduced/made all, each person to a product that can be consumed through and as our manifested relationships which has become a an outflow of our money system, wherein everyone got something to sell, each individual/unique merchandise has replaced life.

When and as I see myself participate in fear of being of no use anymore to someone else I breath and bring myself back to the drawing board and apply myself accordingly through writing SF and SCS in order to let this fear go b/c I realise that I haven’t yet understood and walked this point as myself and how it as myself came about.

When and as I see myself go into a perceived experience of myself as fear of being of no interest anymore to a person after I slept with the person I bring myself back here in and as the physical and let this fear go b/c I understand that its not serving me to hold on to this particular fear.

[Jozien]

http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/04/day ... eived.html

Day 2 – Establishing Relationships Appearances & Cloths

When I was thinking of going dancing with a friend and I thought about the cloths I would wear and a thought popped up with I gonne wear my this and that pants with this and that on top and so on – when I realised: hey WTF are you actually engaging within?
So having a closer look at this thought coming up and the positive charge the thought is holding.
Wanting to impress through ones appearances, wanting to impress through stories, making things up, exhilaration and so on. I always thought that I would not be really infected with this virus yet I see its within me as well as it exist without. Not always very prominent yet when it roars its head within and as me as a thought; which I automatically follow because I’m directed by it. I can only conclude that this is directing me instead of the other way around. So in need of re-alignment and investigation b/c that’s what I committed myself to do until all patterns are revealed understood and realigned!

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate dressing up being dressed in a certain way with a positive feeling about myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate dressing up being dressed in a certain way with a negative feeling about myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let dressing up/cloths determine my experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge people who brag and make stories up to make themselves ‘important’, more than they actually are.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to people who are constantly are in need of confirmation that their stories are ok and thus that they are ok.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within this exact same construct wherein I try to impress others with my ‘assets’ to feel good about myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let this construct of bragging about physical features and graphic/picture related ‘assets’ to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate being with friends and going out with the way I must be dressed, accentuating certain physical graphics in order to feel good about myself in order to be admired.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to feel good about myself without being in need to show my assets, as in physical appearances and the way I dress, what I wear and what I have/own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the way I dress my cloths, the things I wear, the things I own, determine how I feel about myself.

Memory on how cloths and others words determine how I feel:
I probably was about 12 years old or so or maybe 13,14 when I bought a pair of shoes, which I really liked! I was super happy with them and totally satisfied when I was wearing them some guys I knew ridiculed my choice of shoes and I still remember in how much pain I was when that happened. I cringed within me, I couldn’t really understand my experience within myself, I couldn’t understand why I was in so much pain and I couldn’t actually place this within my reality yet it made a huge impact on me which I obviously didn’t understand at all in any way.
So in order to never feel like that again – I probably made a pact with myself that I would always make sure that what I wear is accepted and admired by all and everyone or at least the majority and that my cloths are not a point of ridicule yet a point of admiration. So that’s what I intended to walk into being as how I created myself not from the starting point of self expression yet from the starting point of protecting myself to never feel this way again.
So here I stand asking myself whether this is what I would teach my children show my children as the starting point of cloths and self-expression. I would definitely answer No – it’s not necessary to express oneself from this starting-point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dress myself from the starting-point of I must protect myself from being ridiculed b/c of the way I dress so I will dress myself in a way that I will be admired for the way I dress not yet realising that I through this construct loop myself within exactly the same construct yet playing and acting out the opposite side of the coin.

I realise that looping myself within and as this construct of fear of being ridiculed b/c of my choice of cloths/the way I dress and desiring to be admired/complimented b/c the way I dress isn’t serving me and therefore I let it go. I have seen the beginning and the end of this construct.

When and as I see myself participate and follow a thought I will wear this and that in order to impress this person I bring myself back here and investigate the point because I realise that I haven’t yet understood and investigated walked this point into clarity and realignment.

[Jozien]

Day 3 – Money & Happiness Machines
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/04/day ... hines.html

Tuesday 17 April 2012
Day 3 – Money makes us Happiness Machines

Some days ago someone complimented me on a project I did and what happened it was in such moderation this compliment that I started to drift of into dimensions of mind.
This was the thought as backchat that accompanied it which was revealing:
“Yes!”
And the positive energetic charge was overwhelming being almost in a state of victory and at the same time an experience as if I had conquered something/someone feelings of I am part of the system and who needs equality anyway when one can be part of this emotions/feeling which makes me feel good, positive and happy conquered all and everything !

Now this isn’t really an experience I have been aware of or seen or looked at before b/c it simple wasn’t within my understanding that this could be something to look at in the first place. Stupidity to such an extend we’re accepting our thoughts/emotions as normal the way it is!

Now what happens is that its actually spite – I’m exercising spite towards myself/all b/c it reveals the suppressed desire of wanting to be part of the world system and wanting to achieve something within the world system these two go hand-in – hand.
Achievement and being rewarded, the only reward for this achievement is obviously Money because anything else is actually not counting, cant count b/c we/ each one wants to be rewarded with Money the only and one reward that counts in this reality is MONEY

Quite interesting observation I must say to see how suppressed this desire as me is! Ingrained and merged with ‘me’ and how it pops up as a Jack in the box to reveal itself as is.
Without it actually being in my direct awareness at all.

So cool to have a look at it while it shows its head through participating in my reality/world.

SF
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let others judgment about my achievements determine my experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny the existence of wanting/desiring achievement within this world system in order to be accepted and in order to feel part of it and fulfilled within and as myself through the acceptance of the current world system as Money as and through the one and only reward that is worthy of receiving for ones achievements.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to spite this process of aligning myself with what’s best for all life when the world system as money is about to reward my achievements with the only and one reward that is worthy of receiving for ones achievements which is money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate happy feelings with getting rewarded for ones achievements with money b/c that’s what we have agreed on collectively to as the only one rewards that’s worthy to receive which is MONEY.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate not getting rewarded for my achievements with a negative feeling within myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have created myself in a way that my mind is depleting the physical, substantial tangible physical world for energy in order to feel either positive or negative in order to exist as the image and likeness of our money system wherein we deplete and consume all and everything around us in order for the money system to exist.

I realise that associating a positive feeling with the prospect of being rewarded with money is how I have been creating my reality to exist and thus me to exist within and as the point of rewards and achievement which isn’t how it suppose to be b/c one can see that this system isn’t in the best interest of all and can only be met for the few placed within the position that can play along on this platform

I realise that as long I allow myself to exist within the placement of associating rewards for my achievement with a positive feeling/experience of self no actual change can take place within as I understand that within creates without.

When and as I see myself participate within a positive feeling of myself because of the prospect to be rewarded with money for a achievement I embrace all of me here because I realise that I have separated myself from these parts, I breath, I stand, I walk and forgive all parts that are not yet aligned with what is best for all.

So therefore
I commit myself to walk into being what’s best for all beings and release myself from the prison that associate feelings/emotions/perceived experience of self with being rewarded with money and I commit myself to bring about a world that does not allow to associate money with a perceived experience of self nor will it allow to teach our children and the children to come to exist within this structure of reward; which is money and achievement.

I commit myself to bring about a world for my children and those yet to come to establish a world that does not replace life with Money and does not allow to replace expression with achievement and a perceived experience of self that must be rewarded with Money.

[Jozien]

http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/04/day ... tions.html

Day 4 – Relationships and Expectations
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate a response from a friend with a positive feeling, experience of self.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate a response from a friend with a negative feeling experience of self.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect responses from friends with positive or negative experiences within according to the positive/negative charge I associate the words with.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let responses/expressions of friends determine my experience of self.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as expectations towards others and their expression not yet realising that through participating within this construct one is blinding oneself for reality and what is here to discover as self. To diss the cover of self through Self- investigation in Self Honesty and Self-Forgiveness so we may walk eventually all as equals. Purified from expecting anything else than what’s best for All for all Living things.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be part of and emerged with the relationship construct existence in this world wherein each experience is determined through responding to and as others expression.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to commit myself to investigate how me as this pattern as expectation came about.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to get irritated with others responses

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame others responses for my own experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to get angered with others responses to me when my expectations aren’t met.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge how others are responding to me when my expectations aren’t met.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to spite others when they are not responding in the way I prefer it.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let backchat exist within and as me when my ideal of how to be responded to isn’t met and therefore I forgive myself to withdraw in backchat when people don’t respond to me the way I prefer. And therefore I forgive myself to be part of a world system wherein we spite other beings when our preferences about how to respond to do not correspond with the way we like and thus create a system that is spiting and destroying all expressions that aren’t within our own bubble of self interest.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate and allow myself to spiral into and as depression when my expectations aren’t met by a partner/friend.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate and connect depression with expectations to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect responses from friends with positively/negatively feelings as energy as experience of self not yet realising that I’m participating within a construct of polarity which isn’t serving me and which prevents me from remaining here in and as the breath and therefore I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to take myself and the other being/ friends into consideration as the physical beings we are without utilising a construct of mind, expectations to live through in order to feel alive.

I realise that expectations are basic mind construct components, building blocks of how I have created and accepted myself

I realise that every expectation I’m holding, merged with and live as me, must be investigated and brought back to self-responsibility in order to realign to what’s best for all life.

I realise that expecting anything else than what’s best for all from myself or anything, anyone else for that matter isn’t in fact real and in need for realignment with what’s best for all participants.

I realise that I created myself as expectations over time and that it will take time to walk the realignment into being.

When and as I see myself participate in expectations about how to respond to me, I stop and bring myself back here in and as the breath because I understand that participating within this construct is not serving all the participants involved.

I commit myself to investigate every expectation in and as me and realign every expectation with what’s best for all until what I expect for myself and from others is best for all in fact.

[Jozien]

http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/04/day ... anger.html
Day 5 - Irritation & Anger

No! I cant just move on b/c moving on aligned which what's best for all would imply that I need to get to the core of the pattern and eradicate it realign it with what’s best for al b/c that’s what I committed myself to do and that’s what I walk into being.

So here it goes:

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to reflect upon my reality in and as the backchat “Do I really have to walk all this shit I have created within the past, cant I just move on?”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let the backchat “Do I really have to walk all this shit I have created within the past cant I just move on” to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire an easy way out.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want an easy way out.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let this want, desire of a easy way out as a way to reflect upon my reality to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within an automated response as a thought to desire an easy way out.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as automated responses towards my reality.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to not understand how I express myself as these automated patterns/responses to my reality.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to not understand my emotions, feelings and turmoil within.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to be dependant on others that have been pointing this out to me that are standing, walking as an example.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to be angered about this dependency because I haven’t yet allowed myself to stand absolute alone within the realisation that we are dependant on each other yet alone as individuals standing and walking dependent on each other as a whole.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated because others had to point it out within me how I exist.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to feel overpowered by others who know more about me bc they simply allowed themself to investigate how I exist because they investigated in how they as themselves came about within thsi reality, world.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I must be a looser to not even know how I exist.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind justifications rather than to walk through points because grace has be shown to me yet I rather exist within and as self sabotage than to move myself with the directives given and shown to me.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to be and exist in irritation when people assist me in uncovering myself, assist me in revealing myself and what I accepted and allow as myself which is less than what I can be and committed myself to be.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to become angered when I see that someone is assisting me with a pattern and how I exist.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to deny and suppress my experience within when someone is assisting me with a pattern and how I exist.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to fear when someone is seeing more than I see

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to feel vulnerable when someone is capable of assisting me in revealing myself to myself in order to realign myself with what’s best for all.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to fear being vulnerable because I don’t want to be hurt.

Ik vergeef mijzelf dat ik toe heb gestaan en heb geaccepteerd angst the hebben om mijn leven in de handen van anderen te leggen.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to have trained and educated myself to protect myself with a defence mechanism that’s not aligned which whats best for all.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up my skills in order to survive in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a world where the way that’s best for all is disregarded, being ridiculed through attacks of anger, irritation and abuse just as I do within when the expression of best for all is pointed out to me, presented to me on a ‘golden platter’ and therefore I forgive myself to be part and co-creator of the world system as it currently exist.

I realise that I am in the process of realigning all patterns existing within and as me with what’s best for all life in order to do so I will face fear of giving up the accepted patterns as resistance that shows it head as irritation, anger which is fear in disguise. I will immediately flag point such reactions/responses as anger, irritation, being assisted, and investigate how this as reactions existing within me came about.

I realise that what exist within exist without and that I am co creator of the world system,and that my actions, expressions as co creator of this world do have a ripple effect and that therefore I must realign every refraction that’s existing within me with what’s best for all in order to stand and walk with all as what’s best for all until its done.

When and as I see myself go into irritation/anger/back chat when I am assisted with aligning myself with what’s best for all, I stop and I breath and bring myself immediately back here because I understand and see that irritation/anger when someone is assisting me in order to factually realign all patterns existing within and as me with what’s best for all life is simple indicative that I didn’t yet walked this point of reaction into alignment.

When and as I see myself go into irritation/ anger when I’m assisted I bring myself immediately back here in and as the breath b/c I have seen and understand the nature of the emotional charge as irritation, anger and refusal and its simply not serving me/all and therefore I let it go b/c that’s what I committed myself to do.

[Jozien]

http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/04/day ... g-out.html
Day 6 - Settling Relationships Preparing for a Date/Going Out prt. I

When I'm about to go for a drink with friends/or having a date I see/observe that I am engaging in and creating much energy to be more accurate I’m totally consumed with it well more specific would be possessed, taken over by the energy it contains. I'm running out of time, I'm late, don’t know what to wear, don’t know what to do, play music very loud to get into the ‘mood’, haven’t been doing all these things for a very long time yet when I observe myself now it seems totally ridiculous.
Walking these points as myself and how I’ve been creating myself as such, is quite revealing and I’m really getting to know myself as these points. How I have brought this into being and is part of how I walked into the family structure which manifested children, clones. So this construct is a Vital part of the world systems reproducing system – so actually quite cool to walk, understand and re-align. I mean this is what I always wanted to know yet still by times don’t want to Hear! (‘Borrowed’ this line from someone else)

So Here it goes:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect when I prepare myself for a having drinks with friends date with the thoughts:” maybe I will meet someone nice, maybe that one is th e one, maybe I will sex, maybe this one will treat me awesome, maybe I'll meet someone intelligent/nice to talk to, maybe I will meet someone thats ok, maybe?”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect when I prepare myself for a date with the thoughts:” maybe he’s nice, maybe this is the one, maybe I will sex, maybe this one will treat me awesome, maybe this one is intelligent/nice to talk to maybe we will sex , maybe this one is actually ok, maybe?”

Maybe, possible, perhaps all indicators of expectations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the above desires within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the desire of wanting to meet someone who is the one within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore this desire of wanting to meet someone who is the one within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not haven given importance or attention to this desire within and as me and therefore accepted this desire within as normal, standard, thus I actually settle for it to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tired of this desire within me because I see that it drains all life out all participants.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world system wherein we drain ourselves and others in order to be able to project and force our ways and wants, desires upon others, not realising yet the consequences of such actions as co-creators of this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drain myself and thus others from my pure life essence in order to chase an illusion, a lie, a want, an need a desire in order to feel alive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/act as a slave of my own addictions, which I accepted as normal, the norm to live by.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for a desire to be with the one as the only one way to exist in this world, life/reality and all I have to occupy myself with in order to feel fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of this world system wherein we teach our children to seek for fulfilment in an other beings, through relationships, romance and sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world wherein we live fulfilment through others not realising that fulfilment can only be lived as self, when fulfilment is understand as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be fulfilled not yet realising what fulfilment actually entails as expression aligned which what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire/expect fulfilment from others yet not understanding how I live this word as me into being and how I as this world- lol typo- word came about.

Dating:
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to engage in energy of expectations of possible/maybe/ perhaps meeting someone nice

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to be so worked up by the prospect of going out, meeting people, dressing up that I allow myself to be possessed with energy.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to expect something to happen during the evening

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to start dressing myself from the starting point of wanting to meet someone

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to wear makeup from the Staring-Point of wanting to meet someone.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be all worked up when going through my cloths, looking at my cloths, looking at the image/ graphics in the mirror, measuring what effect it will have on others, measuring what will give me the most profit.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to always be anxious when I go out that I ‘forget’ to remain in and as the breath and remain here in order to see how the fuck I actually exist.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to drift of in possession when preparing myself for going out.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to occupy myself with what to wear and when to wear it when thinking of going out

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to always be late when having a date b/c I don’t know what to wear or I don’t approve of the cloths I wear.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel overly anxious when going out.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not understand how I exist within this point and how this point came about.

I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to investigate how I as part of the world system as thsi point came about.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to expect a haleluja experience of going out and having drinks with friends.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hope for a fairy tale evening when going out and having drinks with friends.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire an overwhelming experience when going out with friends or going out for a date.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to expect an overwhelming experience when going out.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to expect something from spending time with friends or having a date.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as expectations towards people, life, reality, myself. And therefore I forgive myself that I’m actually stating that its ok to expect something nice/bad to happen b/c its all apart of the same construct of expectation that others/life/evening will take care of an experience of self not yet understanding that expectations are part as ‘waiting’, ‘hoping’, of a belief system that all will taken care of by itself as long as we are out there, participating within it ‘all’ will happen by itself.Instead of seeing that ALL make it happen, instead of All will happen by itself - all is in reverse.

I realise when I participate within a possessed state of being when preparing myself for going out that I exist within a mind possession of expectations of something possible, maybe, perhaps something ‘nice’ will happen that will meet my desire to meet the one,someone – sigh

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for wanting to meet the one.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress the want and desire within me to meet the one.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny the desire within me to meet the one, the one to share myself with

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge the existence of this construct within me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ridicule this desire of wanting to be with someone within me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself through self ridicule in order to keep this desire alive and kicking as it is.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up this desire within and as me

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear living without this desire within and as me because I don’t know who I would be without this desire existent within me.

Who will I be without this desire? What is the reason to hold on to this desire?
Fear of loosing something yet this something is not what’s best for all, I kind of ‘like’ this desire it has merged with me, and I kind of ‘like’ to indulge myself within this desire. It makes me go into 'daydreaming'. I am attached or should I say I'm addicted to the energy its holding, it’s a preference I prefer to feel like this b/c it makes me feel 'alive' and 'kicking' and it makes me feel good about myself. I'm a walking Happiness Machine! I’ve been looking at this desire and how attached I am to this particular desire b/c I ‘Like’ it and I prefer holding on to it b/c I find life 'boring' without it, where is the game, play without indulging within it? I clearly don’t understand something here bc what’s the play within it actually when its draining the life out of our cells- lol why issit so hard to live the obvious?

Simple b/c I have merged with this point and within and as me.Associate and connect and define playfulness, self enjoyment, self fulfilment with this ‘game’ and the positive connotations of the game of finding the one, and all points connected to it. I have stored this game as positive – so yeah I need to let it go in order to ‘move’ on. Gosh it feels like letting go of your favourite toy as a child b/c you enjoy it so much you cant actually understand why your parents take it away - lol

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate going out , dating with a positive feeling within and as me which I find 'normal' and totally have accepted and merged with as myself b/c I’m very attached to this positive experience of myself,preparing myself for going out dating holds the prospect of 'happiness' in finding that ideal partner and thus must be at all times be protected to keep it alive and kicking in order not to feel bad/negative/down.

Tomorrow I will continue walking through this point....

[Jozien]

http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/04/day ... ut-ii.html
Day 7- Settling Relationships Preparing for a Date/Going Out prt.II

Preparing for a Date/Going Out Continued:

I realise when preparing myself for going out or for a date I participate within stress, anxiety that eventually leads to being possessed with emotions that are attached to the expectations I’m holding when preparing myself for going out/on a date, that I exist within a construct of mind which got nothing to do with the physical reality that is of flesh and not of mind.

I realise that when I drift off within stress, anxiety, and the "Happy, Happy, Up, Up" feeling which comes with the a possible prospect of expecting something positive, exiting to happen that I just opened up/enter a mind construct to engage within which is of mind and not of flesh and not serving me, because `I realise that I allow myself to engage in illusion of mind which I cant touch or hold b/c its not of flesh so therefore I let it go as the commitment I'm walking bc I see that I’m part of the whole and thus create the whole and therefore I commit myself to take self repsonsibility for my part because I'm part and co-creator of the whole.

When and as I see myself go into automated patterns of anxiety and stress, when preparing myself for a date/going out I breathe and bring myself back here in order to see WTF is going on.

When and as I see myself go into anxiety and stress when preparing myself going out for a date which comes with: “not knowing what to wear, where to go, getting and feeling all worked up b/c off the energy attached to it I STOP and bring myself back here b/c I understand that I’m engaging myself in a mind-construct of expectations a prospect of maybe, possible, perhaps something, exiting, positive is going to happen. Maybe finding the one/a partner is going to happen and I realise that this is actually only happening within my mind and my projections towards reality which is not of this physical reality which is not of flesh and thus not serving me/all and therefore I let it go.

I commit myself to bring about a world that will not allow expectations that separates us from the whole to prevail above that what must be expected of and for all living beings, there is only one standard of expectatios that is of value that which is best for all living beings. There is only one way to live expectations into being and that’s the commitment I live until all life is taken into consideration because I expect only what’s best for all and that’s what I commit myself to live until its done, until no expectations within or without will exist any more that’s settles for less than what’s best for all in al ways in all forms.

[Jozien]

http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/04/pre ... t-iii.html
Day 8 - Settling Relationships Preparing for a Date/Going out prt.III

Preparing for a Date continued:
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be part of and co-creator of a society that accept to value people, beings through their appearance.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not have allowed myself to realise that by dressing myself in the morning I’m a very part and co creator of the acceptances of this society because I’m in fact not knowing why I pick the cloths and shape how I want to appear.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge our society that accept to valuating people, beings, our children through their appearance, the picture presentation, the image of how they appear.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge how I look, how I appear, how I dress. And I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge others bc of what they are wearing, how they’re dressed.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge people remarks about my appearanc, to let others remarks about my appearance determine my experience of myself not realising that I’m co –creator of this acceptance of our society by the way I am ‘choosing’ the cloths that I wear in the morning, engaging in keeping up appearances, wanting to be accepted and part of this very society that I judge and deem as unjust not realising that every morning when I dress myself I allow myself to participate within this very accepted automated pattern as the way I dress and we dress in order to play along in our world/reality not realising and understanding how this automated acceptances of oneself came about.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be part and co-creator of a world wherein in order to be accepted and seen by others as normal I have to dress in a certain way in order to be part of the money system and thus is our way that we are dressing ourselves part merged within and us ourselves with the way we survive in this world. And pass this on to our children as the only way that’s valid in how we exist when its profitable in order to survive in this world.

I realise that when I don’t understand or have investigated the automation of the way I dress when going out, prepping for a date, I am in fact part of the existence and continuation of this value system through appearances to exist within this world and actually in fact say and live ‘that’s ok to exist’.

I realise when I participate within the construct of dressing up in order to superimpose my imaginary reality unto the real reality I’m actually only fulfilling my own desires, wants and needs.

I realise that one can not live certain parts of ones commitment to bring about a world that’s best for all participants in fact as applicable and others that are less convenient as not applicable for me – lol

When and as I see myself go into either a positive or a negative charge of myself my remarks people make about my looks, appearance, cloths I Stop b/c I realise that if I don’t stop participating within it, I will continue co- creating this system of judging appearances, the image to exist within as without.

When and as I see myself drift of in positive or negative energy that I associate and connect to cloths, the way one looks, the picture presentation of a person I stop I take the being, the cloths my judgment about the person inside of me in the realisation that I didn’t yet brought this point as my judgment about the way one looks home to myself as Life which I committed myself to do.

When and as I see myself go into judgment about my own appearance as cloths I Stop, when not clear I investigate the point through writing to bring clarity to be able to script the self correction that needs to be realinged.

When as and I see myself go into an imaginary reality wherein my cloths and the way I dress must support the way I want others to 'see' me from the perspective of superimposing my illusion upon others i stop b/c i realise that I'm only following my desires and illusions to be fulfilled without any consideration of all participants involved.

[Jozien]

Day 9 – Relationships Failures Superimposing Mind Desires unto Reality
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/04/day ... -unto.html

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to superimpose my desires, wants and needs unto reality to feel fulfilled, satisfied not understanding what I actually walk into being, creating while doing so.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within automation of superimposing my desires, wants, needs unto reality not yet realising the consequences of the automated self as this reality as this world.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not have allowed myself to investigate my desires, wants and needs and the automation of me as it.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that forcing my wants, needs and desires unto reality is how I should suppose to live my life, in order to get what I want, desire and need in order to feel good and feel fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that forcing my wants, needs and desires unto reality is how life and living my life should suppose to me not questioning the automated patterns, the automated me that I live into being.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist when looking back at my life within and as regret about superimposing my desires, wants and needs unto reality b/c of the unnecessary pain and suffering it inflicted within me and all others that were involved.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be part off and co-creator off a world, reality wherein we allow and encourage all and walk as examples for our children, to superimpose our wants, needs/desires unto reality in order to win and accept it as part of our nature not even questioning ourselves if this construct is actually within the best interest of all participants involved and what we're actually creating as such, what we're creating and leaving behind for our children and those yet to come while existing within and as it.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate over and over again in superimposing my mind reality unto the physical reality despite the fact that I see that its not having the desired effect within my reality yet continue allowing myself to exist within the construct of hope that this time, within the next round it will work, it will happen, I will win not Yet understanding my reality and how I exist within desires, needs and wants in fact b/c I never allowed myself to investigate how I in fact exist as it and how I came about as it.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have suppressed and denied the pain and sorrow within b/c I did not understand what I walked into being. I didn’t had the means to understand myself within this reality as the automated accepted and allowed patterns as me. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angered, furious about seeing yet not being able to voice myself as what I could see yet could not place in words b/c of the shackles of the mind and its illusions and projected this anger towards a system b/c I couldn’t place or name the game that I could so clearly see yet could not voice as such, and b/c of the frustration I started to project this Rage unto my world in order to have an illusion of control yet I destroy Life b/c I feel conquered and destructed through what I live that which I can't understand or place within my understanding, there is this OVERWHELMing Rage within me to destruct all and everything on my way b/c I have allowed myself to feel destructed and overpowered within myself with and through a system, this world this reality which I don’t yet understand, how I as part of All came about.

I realise that when I superimpose my wants, my needs, my desires upon the physical reality that I’m engaging within an attempt to control reality through my illusionary reality which got nothing to do with the physical reality in fact.

I realise that when I drift off in desires, wants, needs, that what I prefer that I’m excluding all because within my desires, wants and needs only personal fulfilment exist instead of fulfilment for all which is including all within my personal fulfilment than fulfilment can be real.

When and as I see myself go into a irrational urge to superimpose a personal desire, need and want unto my reality I stop b/c I have seen the destruction and the separation it causes within my world, my life and the life of others.

When and as I see myself participate within superimposing my desires, needs wants unto reality I sit down with myself to write out the self correction as alignment because I simple didn’t yet walked this point as me I simple see that this point is in need of realignment.

I commit myself to reveal and investigate all desires, needs, wants within myself to eradicate them one by one until its understand and realigned with what’s best for all life.

I commit myself to investigate every desire, need and want within myself in order to be able to walk” I know who I am in what I do, I direct me here in every moment.

I commit myself to automate myself aligned with what’s best for all so that this atrocity that’s destroying and depletes this physical reality will end for all. I commit myself to investigate and realign myself with what’s best for all until all automated Patterns are re-aligned with that what is serving all in all ways for in all forms.

I commit myself to STOP all desires, wants, needs within myself and to realign it with what’s best for all.

I commit myself to bring about a world wherein every desire, want and need existing within me is in fact fulfilling for all.

[Jozien]

http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/04/day ... ng_24.html
Day 10 – Relationship Failures Ass-Kissing

I observed within me that I react within loads of back-chat as anger, judgment towards observing ass kissing within others and myself.

Ass Kissing:
“the use of compliments, flattery, or other obsequious behavior in order to gain favor.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let the backchat of: “The person likes to be ass licked and fucked through the ears as an automated response exist within and as me.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached a 'negative value' to the word ass-kissing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given the word 'ass kissing ' as observation within others a negative connotation within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people that are engaging in 'ass kissing' should be avoided/ and judged at all cost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined 'ass kissing' as a bad quality within people.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge my observation within an other person.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angered with this observation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel furious about this observation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold on this observation in order to deal/handle the experience of myself not yet allowinging myself to investigate this point within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to project an idea of my observation upon that person.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to look at that person through a filter of reality which is and idea I created from my observation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I now must be what that person prefers when communicating which makes me go into anger and rejection.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angered and in a state of rejection when thinking of communicating with this person.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be very reluctant talking to that person

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ridicule the idea that I must talk/communicate with that person .

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated to believe that I must communicate with that person as this idea about ass kissing that I have projected as something this person prefers.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within anger towards this idea.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within frustration towards this idea.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within humiliation towards this idea of communicating with someone who likes to be ass-kissed.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate anger, frustration, humiliated with the idea that I need to fuck person through the ears, sweet talk, sugar coat my words in order to maintain the balance/harmony in the relationship to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel manipulated when I feel forced to sugar coat my words in order to maintain the relationship.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel humiliated when I feel forced to sugar coat my words in order to maintain the relationship.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let the idea of feeling forced to sugar coat my words in order to maintain the balance/harmony in the relationship to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect observation in others e.g. this person likes to be talked to in a sugar coated way to the idea of feeling forced to sugar coat my words in order to maintain the relationship to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate observation in others e.g. this person likes to be talked to in a sugar coated way to the idea of feeling forced to sugar coat my words in order to maintain the balance/harmony in the relationship to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect the observation of this person likes to be ass kissed to the idea of feeling forced, manipulated, angered and frustrated to utilise ass kissing myself in order to maintain the balance/harmony in the relationship to exist within and as me.

continue tomorrow......