Luka wrote:Ok, I understand. Thanks for the support.
I have some further questions: Yesterday I had some special happening for the sake of my mind. I got pulled in some "state of vacuum" spontaneously. It was like a state of shock, coming in waves. I got connected to presence by force and it was a very strong experience. I had this feeling that I could actually SEE the thoughts for a moment, and it was more like unfinished thoughts/thought fragments. And at the same time the fears (from the subcounscious, I guess) arose: the fear of no thoughts, the fear of nervous breakdown, the fear of nothingness, the fear of death because of no mind, the fear of no turning back. I then managed to come out of these states by ocupying my mind with mental activity, which was blogging.
Please tell me what is your explanation/interpretation of this "event"?
The process we are walking is towards 'nothingness'- thus, no 'special' experiences, or 'states' of mind such as the experience of a vacuum, nor presence, fears or picture/images. So, what you descride definitely appears to be a mind experience, because, you describe what you went through as a 'very strong experience,' and an 'experience' is an energetic manifestation of the mind as you as the mind experience a relationship to/towards the energy you also create within you- and thus is not actually REAL, but rather an entire self-created manifestation within you experienced by nobody but you.
If I place myself in your shoes, I would 'interpret' that ("that" being: fear of nervous breakdown, fear of nothingness, fear of death, fear of no turning back) as something really cool, because it could be your mind/ego fearing its own end (which is the goal). The fear in this case, from what I understand, is manifested by you as the mind to prevent you from realizing that who you really are is not in fact of energy (ego, fears, experiences, etc...), as a way to scare you away from continuing your process towards self-realization.
I remember points in my process, where I all of a sudden realize that I AM commited, and that I WILL continue this process no matter what, I would get this terrifying feeling like I was being backed into a corner. This is the experience I had that I'm relating to your experience of fear, and within and through this experience I realized that I in fact AM backing myself in to a corner- by taking steps towards taking complete self-responsibility and stopping my acceptance and allowance of my mind running loose, doing whatever it wants. It's like threatening to take a drug away from an addict- the addict will most likely freak out- which it sounds like what you experienced within your mind- as you stop feeding it energetically through stopping your participation in energy and instead taking self-responsibility.
So, in a way- it could be regarded as cool feedback that you're taking steps in the right direction, because your mind wants continued energy and experiences, and if your stopping your participation within those, you as your mind may react. Also- really cool practical application with directing yourself out of the experience through doing somehthing practical as blogging- putting yourself on paper in the physical so that you can expose and see what it is that you're actually accepting and allowing to go on 'up there' in the mind, to enable yourself to take a good, self-honest look at it.
It would be cool if you posted what you wrote to pull yourself out of the experience, if you're comfortable with posting it? It could be really helpful for others (including myself!) to see how you handled yourself within and through this experience, and what processes you went through.
With regards to your comment:
I had this feeling that I could actually SEE the thoughts for a moment
-I've also experienced a very 'vivid' nature with/as my thoughts- which I'm relating to your experience of 'seeing' your thoughts. I experienced something similar right before I had a pinick attack and a few times right before a migrane. Now when I experience myself as my thoughts in this such way, I use it as a 'red flag' that I have accepted and allowed myself to go too far into the mind, and I use the tool of breath to walk through the experience of the vivid nature of thoughts in order to lessen the consequences- because the experience ALWAYS ends, and then I'm back to a more 'normal' calm state. So, the whole experience is unecessary, and even though it may seem big and scary and real at the time- it alwas goes away. So, I use that knowledge practically to walk myself through the experience and give myself time and space to breathe, because it seems harder to focus on breath, breathe naturally/rhythmically in those moments, so sometimes extra application- such as changing environments, being alone/quiet, (or blogging, as you did) etc... is supportive to pull self out of the mind and back into physical reality.
In terms of the nature of the thoughts/thought fragments/unfinished thoughts, I would suggest watchng (if you haven't already watched) this video by Sunette called 'Why are my Thoughts so Evil' which explains what you describe in your post. Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GflJOvK_dE