I will begin this with a strong initial reaction to beginning the self forgiveness blogging in the first place. I have decided these reactions and resistance I have had with beginning are related to fear. Fear obviously is not self responsible, and puts me in a place of total separation from life and equality.
I believe my fear and resistance to beginning the writing is the fear of thinking I will not properly follow the directed path of self forgiveness, being rejected from the blogs and assuming that no one will support me and show me the correct method of self forgiveness, and an overall feeling of hopelessness and being inefficient.
I will attempt to deal with this issue before any others.
1-I forgive myself for not trusting my capability to understand and follow directions
2-I forgive myself for assuming that I will be banned/rejected even though I understand equality, and am trying my best to attempt to live as breath and become equality.
3-I forgive myself for placing myself as a seperate and less essential part of life, and not allowing myself to push myself to be more
4-I forgive myself for not pushing myself to be more out of the idea of me not being equal and infact being lazy, and less then equal
5-I forgive myself for allowing fear to consume me, and place me in a place that is less then equal
Now having tried to cope with the initial self forgiveness blogging I will now try and write about some big points of self forgiveness I have achieved, and worked through.
Coming to understand LOVE-
I was not shocked to find out that love needs to be dealt with, but realizing my exspressions of love was harder to cope with. I understand now that love places something in a category of special and worth more then all others, and this is not equality. It is placing something above equality.
I was upset that I should not be loving anymore. Since I was young I can remember all I ever was wanting was just love. I wanted a girlfriend who I could love. I wanted something that was special.
So I have exsplained to my current girlfriend how I no longer support the concept of love and dealt with the love concept
WHy did I want love?
I was preprogrammed as a youth to believe it was what I should want
I wanted something special. I wanted to have something more then anyone else
I was young and easily impressionable
1-I forgive myself for being incapable to act for myself as one and equal as a child.
2-I forgive myself for being influenced by propaganda and everyone around me as a child and even during recent times
3-I forgive myself for creating a fairy tale consept of meant to be, and craving love because of it
4-I forgive myself for wanting to be special, and wanting the special aspect of love
5-I forgive myself for not viewing others as equal, and hence placing certain people in the category of love
6-I forgive myself for long what other people had, and wanting other peoples love
7-I forgive myself for being selfish and placing other people as seperate by wanting to obtain their love
Now that I had discovered love as a relationship, as wanting to be special, and as being jealous of other's love. Then evaluated how these points do not create equality, and further support my abuse through my ego, I have forgiven myself for allowing myself to become love, and will no longer allow it to consume me in anyway. Love seperates, and that is not creating equality. Equality is equal not seperate
Soon later I realized that I had not dealt with every expression of love. I had missed a very big aspect and even bigger confusion.
I had not even realized how I had been supporting love through the concept of sex, and physical pleasures.
Although love in relationships with others, and through being special(hence being "loved") had come up as my first idea of love. It did not occur to me how love had continued to manifest itself latter in life through sex, and physical pleasure. This idea of love came to me exactly the same way, although It did not come into my life until later. Tv, ads, parents, school, people. THey all influenced me with sex, yet no one seemed to have the same opinion! I was totally lost and totally confused about sex, and masturbating(bait for the master) So with so many opinions and no proper understanding I allowed my interest to over power me. Through the orgasm as a youth I felt amazing, complete, and total bliss. I had no clue except from a religious point that what I was doing may have been wrong.
I have now allowed myself to be forgiven and shed all forms of physical abuse through sex
1-I forgive myself for being influenced by my surroundings
2-I forgive myself for allowing myself to become abuse, through the form of physical pleasure
3-I forgive myself for not knowing any better
4-I forgive myself for thinking that I need love, and finding love through physical pleasure
5-I forgive myself for not allowing a true relationship, because I was blinded by sex
I allow myself to be complete as one and equal, and not needing to be special and sperate myself through love.
I allow myself to please myself physical with the breath orgasm, witch does not abuse life.
I thought this was a good starting point for self forgiveness and responsability, it was not easy to fully accept and deal with I will admit. I'm sure that their are aspects of my self forgiveness that could use revision, and any opinions and support will be appreciated.
Also if a link to the proper and precise form of a self forgiveness writing could be given I would appreciate that.