Nicks self forgiveness

[NickKnight]

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing myself to stay isolated in my bed room, and not taking on my responsibilities due to the fear of letting go of my self created character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to over eat in my house due to this same fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to over sleep due to the fear of letting go of my self created character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become frustrated and confused due to the fear of wanting to let go of my self created character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pace around my house due to the frustration and confusion

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become saddened when my mother tells me she loves me and I can't tell her I love her back, due to me creating these emotions within myself for my own sensation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become more upset when my mother generates sadness due to me not telling her that I love her back.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to creating the redundant thought of wanting to commit suicide due to my fear of not being able to tell my mother I love her, when essentially this love emotion again is self generated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reminisce about all of the times my mother and I spent together, due to having to let go of these memorable feelings, as well as having to let go of the feelings I'm content with now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cry due to the fear of having to let go of these emotions that I hold towards my mother, when essentially they are emotions that are only for my self interests

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid to communicate with the rest of my family due to not understanding how to talk with them without expressing emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of my family getting upset with me due to the lack of communication I have with them because of this fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become fearful of getting a job due to being around co workers who express emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become fearful of reminiscing about my mother due to the environment of emotions being expressed by co workers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become fearful of crying at my job due to this fear of being effected by the emotions being expressed by co workers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become fearful of the entire situation of being effected by these emotional expressions by co workers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become fearful of getting a job due to the fact of there possibly being a staged attack at the london olympics, and feeling that there is no point of getting a job if this event is possible to happen. When I should be getting a job due to the fact of it being a necessity to paying for groceries and helping my mother pay bills.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to creating the redundant thought of wanting to commit suicide due to the bottom line situation of me having to get rid of my false created character, which I will mostly have to let go of this intense emotion I hold towards my mother in order for me to progress in my journey to life.

Thank you.

[Marlen]

Okay so let's look at points that I suggest opening up further through writing only - why? Because through writing we are able to pour our thoughts out on the screen and see what it is that we are in fact experiencing at the moment in relation to a particular point.

Example:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become frustrated and confused due to the fear of wanting to let go of my self created character

Here you can first write what is it that you have defined as 'your self created character' - what does it consist of/ what is it made from? This is to see what is it that you are defining yourself as in the first place - from there you give yourself clarity to understand 'who you are' at the moment in relation to yourself and your decision to walk this process. There can only exist fear if we haven't yet understood how within this process of self-correction we cannot really 'lose' anything that was 'really real' in the first place. What does that mean? That within the understanding of characters being a personality/ facade/ mask upon who we really are, we realize that within walking this process what remains is you, the reality of you as your physical body that does not require to be 'playing a character' in order to exist.

Hence, within your self forgiveness and whenever such point of frustration due to confusion: write yourself more. What is the confusion about? What is it that you are not yet fully understanding about this process? It's quite normal to be confused and that's the reason why the forums exist - therefore, write out the point to get some clarity for yourself, share it so that you can get further perspectives about it.

See how you are currently experiencing this 'detachment' toward others and worrying about 'their reaction' because your starting point is not yet fully clear.Suggest to then start writing more about your current experience before jumping onto the self forgiveness - once you write it out 'as is' you can apply Self Forgiveness to establish 'who you are' within this process, why you are doing it, what is it that you understand about it - that way we ensure that there are no misconceptions about it and also in relation to 'relating to others' in your environment. See how it is not about stopping communication with them, but about 'who you are within that communication.'

Thus, the first point is to establish Self-Communication: I write myself, I get to know myself through my own words, I apply self-forgiveness to spot the patterns that I have accepted and allowed myself to play out as the characters I've become with and toward others - I walk Self Corrective Statements to now give myself a new direction to my every day living reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to creating the redundant thought of wanting to commit suicide due to the bottom line situation of me having to get rid of my false created character, which I will mostly have to let go of this intense emotion I hold towards my mother in order for me to progress in my journey to life.

Yes, wanting to 'commit suicide' is an apparent 'easy way out' when in fact, there are no ways to escape from yourself and the consequences that we have all manifested here. It is who we are/ what we have become, therefore how could we possibly try to escape who and what we have become? Impossible.

Thus, what is supportive here is to rather transform that commit-suicide into a commit-to-life/ living statement wherein what you will then 'kill' is not yourself as the physical body that we have already abused extensively with our running-around in the mind, but instead commit to stop the LIE of yourself as the ego of the mind - egocide - and that's a practical way wherein you give yourself a practical direction to start living, because we have in fact never really lived before.

You can also write about the situation with your mother so that it does not become one obstacle to walk you - remember that it's not about 'her' in any way in reality, it's about what you think/ believe and perceive about her = it is self-created in your mind, it's what you accept and allow yourself to participate in with regards to and in relation to others in your world.

This is a basic premise to understand in order to see how beings in our environment are only points of support for ourselves to see what are we reacting to, how did I create this 'intense emotion' toward her? Who am I toward 'my mother'? It's all about you - thus ensure that whenever you write about someone you realize it's not about them, but about you.

If something's not clear, share and we can support further.

Thanks for sharing

[Juan Pablo]

Well, at the beginning of walking my process, I faced the desire of commit suicide too, the cool point is that exposing the suicide, we trap ourselves as the ego = self-interest - so well, I started to clean out the desire of suicide, I mean, starting view point by point how that desire appears - and I started to realize that I cannot run from myself, that suicide is the easy way to run away, and that this physical existence is our opportunity to walk the process in space/time, with our self-dishonesty on a golden platter. So, I really occupied my existence considering suicide, and then I realized that I have had many doubts and that this doubts were taking me to a point of anxiety and desperation, so, realize this: if one fears death, then one desires to die to get out of that fear.
Ok, so how fear to death?, see, I've had preconceived ideas/beliefs/perceptions about this process so when I started to see the reality of the process my self-interest platform about the process started to shatter.
So, how this doubts and fears would take me to the suicide point?, well, I could have a doubt at anytime, and I was not answering my self-doubts, so that doubt trigger a pattern, the doubt taking me to the fear, the fear to the anxiety, the anxiety to blame, the blame to frustration, and the ESCAPE from all of this, is clearly the opposite = finish all this shit easily = suicide.
SO, the practical solution about DOUBTS, write your doubts - and suggested to share in the forum - and gently push yourself to see the pattern that I'm mentioning here.
Realize that you can answer your doubts, but to start doing this, is required to write, because we're in the belief that we are or thoughts, so if you believe yourself to be a doubt, so then you can see the whole picture and how you're able to answer yourself - stepping out of self-interest about yourself - then starts the process in and as the outter.

And, about desires, I suggest to check all your desires man, and viewing them according to fears, realize that the desire of suicide is the flag that you're actually starting to view your own responsibility, so, I suggest to expose to yourself all related to suicide, and check all your wants/desires = self-interest that is causing your world to shatter.
And within this, remember, the desire is the fear counter-part, if you desire, you fear.

So, I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that my desire for commit suicide is in fact the escape to the fear of death, so then I would be able to stop the fear, without realizing that the fear of death is the result from my preconceived ideas and perceptions thus doubts about the self-correction process, because I see that I was taking this process at self-interest, thus not realizing that is not about my desires and dreams, but equalize myself into and as what is best for all life.

I commit myself to write down and self-forgive all my desires, and the fears that manifests those desires, because I realize that the desire is the counterpart of a fear, so then if I have a desire then I have a fear too.
I commit myself to write down and self-forgive any doubt, because I realize if I believe myself to be A doubt, then that doubt drives me into fear, and the fear into anxiety, and the anxiety into judge, and judge into blame, and blame into frustration, and frustration into depression, thus the easy way out to all this pattern without facing myself is the suicide, so I realize that the hard way is to face myself, and see what I don't want to see = that I have pre-conceived self-interested ideas and perceptions and beliefs about the self-corrective process, so these are the manifesters of my doubts, because I understand that the material is specific, so I'm responsible for myself as the ego about the process.

Ego = ideas/beliefs/perceptions/judges/doubts about self, thus about others as self.

[NickKnight]

Thanks guys

[barbara]

Hi Nick!

Welcome to the forum!

Marlen and Juan have already given great support here.

For more on self-forgiveness, there is this great article on self-forgiveness by Veno you might also like to dig into: http://desteni.org/a/veno-practical-sup ... orgiveness

Being specific really helps placing a mirror in front of you, so you can take the bull by the horns, so to speak! It's not easy at first, but you'll see that the more you allow yourself within writing and exploring your beingness within your environment and interactions it will become a fascinating journey of really for the first time actually seeing your Self!

Looking forward to reading more about/of you!

Great you're here!

Enjoy!

[Leila]

Cool support here and cool that writing and sharing it with us Nick!