I AM FEELING LIKE SHIT

[Bitia]

(NOTE: This post is not the original text that was posted and that the people who supported me read. It was suggested to me by the administrators of the forum to edit it because I shared too many details, such as names or positions of my coworkers, and also judgements and ideas that I had about specific people, and this could create alot of troubble at my work if someone read it, so I edited it and this is the new version, in this version I added self-realizations that I made after I got the support here in the forum, that which is writen in italic letters are the sentences or words that I modified, the rest is from the original post.)

Hi, lately I am blogging (mainly) about points of ego/supperiority, I don't know why, but I find it easier to stop supperiority than inferiority. For me, feeling better than others is clearly something abusive and something that must stop now, but....feeling less than others/diminishing myself/feeling like shit...I don't know exactly what it is, I am so used to giving up on myself, to "crucifying myself", to be affected by what others do to me or think about me, to fall down and don't want to stand up again, It's like hating myself.

It's been 2 weeks that I begun working as a cashier, in a super market there are 2 types of cashes, one is the normal cash stand, and the other is the CASH EXPRESS, in the cash express I have to do around 5 things at the same time (alone) : I have to sell cigarettes, lottery tickets, I have to take plastic/glass bottles and give people back their money, I have to answer the phone, I have to do the refunds, I have to do the cash express, and some other things, but mainly this.


I begun to use the cash express quite early, I felt that I wasn'T enough prepared, then, a person/coworker yellet at me, and I tried to calm down but I just "felt" and cryed infront of everyone. I wanted to run and quit and end all of this by going home and feeling "safe".

I felt stressed I diminished myself for not being "enough good" and whenever clients or coworkers felt stressed, I felt like crying, like really vulnerable and "unprotected" I thought :THEY ARE STRESSED AT ME, within this I took their stress personal as if I am the problem or the reason for the "bad" situation that is happening here.




My mother told me to not quit and that I will always find people like this throughout my life and that I have to learn to face the problems and find a solution. My mother also told me about her experiences in her jobs in Mexico, she told me that in Mexico there's a lot of exploitation and abuse and that she had even lost her job because of people that JUST didn't liked her and talked shit behind her back with her boss.


I begun to feel and percieve that everyone hated me and disliked me, I didn't realise that it was me who was disliking me, being impatient at myself, stressing and keeping grudge and secret thoughts towards the people around me.

I felt that people were dimishing me because I was 16 years old (too young for the job) but it was in fact me who was dimishing myself because I didn't trust my abilities, doubted of myself and self-sabotaged myself for "being too young for this", and "being too young for this" was also my pretext to not face the job as it is and do it as it must be done.

I felt like if people were nice at me one day and the other day werent nice, I pretended as if "I didn't care" and begun to create a "serious personality", and a "victim personality" as if everyone had "hurt me" and as if I am apparently innocent.

I begun to blame society for being so unfair and capitalism for pleasing and manipulating people so that they can buy, I placed myself as a "victim of society" , as if I was completly unprotected.


I don't know if it is me or if it is people or if it is both. I feel like crying, and giving up, I feel like taking this shit out, but it seems like if I am addicted to this energy.

people is just crazy, really, clients never place themselves in our shoes (employes), and they justify this with "I am paying so I deserve the best service" = the employee is my slave and must do what I want and always smile and be nice…because he's getting paid, that's his/her job…

I feel so diminished, so stupid and useless, by everything, most of time I go out of my job I feel like shit, and I have realized how I have this automatic response of : SERVING PEOPLE, BEING NICE TO PEOPLE, BEING PATIENT TO PEOPLE, BEING "INFERIOR" TO PEOPLE, I fear automatically how people react and what people think of my service.



I said to myself: "I guess that there are 2 kinds of cashiers : One who self-diminishes and feels inferior and falls down and gives up, and the other one that becomes the "worst bitch ever" and wants to harm others as a way of revenge and frustration, I dont want to be none of those"
But in fact I had already become that, I generalized cashiers as a way of projecting how I saw myself unto everyone, I didn't want to accept this polarity within me.

I dodn't know what to do, my nature is to be smiley and nice at people, I always want to help people and treat them with love, not love like OH MY LOVE MY DARLING, but just helping them with what I can, I like to place myself in people's shoes, and help, but I feel like if I have been betrayed, cause it seems that not everyone responds on the same way

I guess that I am taking things personal, because I define me as a likeable person and some people don't like me, but there's a difference between not liking me and abusing or being spiteful at me.

I don't know what to do, where to begin, how to react, how to be neutral, breath helps me a lot btw.

What is it that I am doing wrong, is self-diminishment justified? am I taking people's stress too personal or is people not supposed to take their stress out on me, or both of them? is it a good idea to leave this job soon? If they are not being clear enough do I have to leave the job? is it the way that I am supposed to learn " learning trough the shit" ?

I have experienced this situation more than once, I have had more experiences like these ones that nice and supportive experiences since I came to Canada, so I feel that if I leave again and again I will always face this kind of situations in my life and never learn to deal with it.

What is it to take self-responsibility in this situation? How to deal with people that want to harm you?

I know my text is long, I know that I have talked a lot about feelings and thoughts and that I haven't YET took self-responsbility for all my feelings, I just want to give a perspective on how I feel/think at the moment, so that you give me your perspective and help me to find a clear/common sense solution, that is best for all.

Thank you

(*"I tried to find the equilibrium, be neutral, be stable, do my job, but I felt like if there's people who just didn't respect " I didn't realize that the equlibrium, stability was within myself and that I didn't respected myself.)

[KimKline]

Bitia,

I'm certain that a lot of people will be able to relate to the situation you are experiencing at work. I remember thinking to myself that there's always one girl 'who just decides to hate me' at every job I work at. And yes, the situation will arise again and again, and its up to you to realize what the situation is showing you about yourself that you're not wanting to face. This you can only realize for yourself, but within the tries/attempts to 'fix the problem' you've mentioned within your post I can see several aspects that you can forgive yourself for, because it's not about 'fixing' the 'problem' as if the 'problem' is outside of yourself. It's about changing who you are and what you will accept and allow from others within yourself.

So, after you described the whole scenario you said:

I have tried to find the equilibrium, be neutral, be stable, do my job, but I feel like if there's people who just don't respect me as an employee and respect my job and understand that I am learning and that abuse of their power

Here you give yourself a couple things to work with. The first is the question, how exactly did you try to "find the equilibrium," "be neutral" and "do [your] job"? Because if you simply go to work thinking to yourself: "I'm going to be neutral, I'm going to be stable, and just going to do my job an not let anything affect me" without givnig yourself an actual step-by-step guide for when you find yourself in the situation where you begin to react, you wont really know what to do other than repeat the same pattern over and over.

You're going to have to start really writing self-forgiveness Bitia, because that's how you get to start writing self-corrective statements which are just such scripts that will support you to remain stable throughout the experience. Because when you have those self-corrective statements and you realize (through self-forgiveness) exactly why you're feeling a certain way and how you've designed yourself and how you are actually the one that decides, then you'll see how possible it is to stop it and actually be that stability, neutrality and to be able to concentrate on your job and learning how to actually do it without being distracted by all the 'politics' going on around you.

So, I would highly suggest you start writing a self-forgiveness thread (if you haven't already- i didn't see one, but correct me if I'm wrong) ,by taking on one point and taking it apart through forgiveness in order to understand how you created it and how you can stop it. There is a point provided by you in the above quote which would be a really good one to start with, which is where you say that people don't respect you or the job you're doing.

there's people who just don't respect me as an employee and respect my job and understand that I am learning

Why do you feel people need to respect you?
Do you respect yourself and the job that you're doing? Do you understand that you're just learning, and it will take you some time before you will be able to handle the express cash by yourself, and that you can't expect to just 'get it', but that there's nothing wrong with taking some time to learn. I remember every new job I would start it would take a good amount of time before I could handle everything confidently and after that- people would start treating me differently because they see they don't have to worry about me anymore. But while I was learning, I would take it so personally when people would correct me and get mad at me, because I was in fact not as good as the other emploees- not as fast, not as able- so I felt insecure within my own abilities, without giving myself a break within the realization that every job requires an investment of time to learn and be able to do properly. Then, once I became better at the job and I would see other new employees starting out, and I would watch them go through the same exact experience as I had- being yelled at, feeling awkward etc... No, it's not fair and no one should be treated that way, but this is the reality we have to deal with and take self-responsibility within, as follows:

If you take this situation and write it out within self-forgiveness, you can avoid all the unecessary emotional turbulance, self-judgment and inferiority, and need for respect,(but you will still go through the process of learning the job).

So, I would look at your need to be respected:

I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to be 'respected' by my coworkers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if my coworkers don't respect me, that i am inferior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that if my coworkers don't respect me, there is something wrong with me or the job I'm doing, instead of seeing and realizing that I am just learning, and will make mistakes and learn from them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel insecure about the job that I'm doing, instead of giving myself the patience and respect to actually take the time to focus on learning the job so that I can do it well and competantly.

(How do you define respect?)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that 'respect' is when others treat me like I'm doing a good job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that 'respect' is how others make me feel.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing others to dictate how I feel based on whether or not I think/believe/perceive they have 'respect' for me.

Can you expand on this?

Next have a look at this quote:

I don't know what to do, my nature is to be smiley and nice at people, I always want to help people and treat them with love, not love like OH MY LOVE MY DARLING, but just helping them with what I can, I like to do things like massaging another cashier or something like that when I see the are tired, I like to place myself in people's shoes, and help, but I feel like if I have been betrayed

Within this part of the scenario I would look at your motivation or starting point of why you want to be smiley and be nice to people. Why do you want to help them and treat them with 'love'? Is it because you want to manipulate how they feel about you or perceive you? If you give your power away to people by allowing 'how you think they feel about you' to affect and influence you, then you will indeed try to manipulate how they feel about you in order to feel ok and good within yourself. When I say 'mainpulate them' I mean: being nice and smiley towards them in order that they may think you are a nice person and be nice back to you- because if people aren't nice back to you- you become upset and start wanting respect for example, and it upsets you and makes you feel inferior if you are not treated that way, as you mentioned.

So, it's cool to care about your coworkers and to place yourself in their shoes, but just make sure your starting point is clear (it is within treating them as one with you and equal to you) instead of doing it from a starting point of wanting something from them, like wanting them to be nice to you and like you. Because if you feel betrayed, it's because you were trying to get something or acheive something you felt you were owed, but if you have no expectations and you have taken self-responsiblity to act according to equality and oneness, then you can't be betrayed. You can't control people or expect them to behave fairly- life is not fair- you can either react to that and allow it to influence and limit you, or you can stand up within this reality and be fair to yourself.

I guess that I am taking things personal, because I define me as a likeable person and some people don't like me, but there's a difference between not liking me and abusing or being spiteful at me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a 'likeable' person, wherein I limit myself to only do things which I perceive as being 'likeable', thus giving my power away to those who I think/believe/perceive do not like me, because they do not validate the character I am playing as the 'likeable person' character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear people not liking me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear people not liking me because then it reveals to me that I don't really like myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not like myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself by giving my power away to others, such as those that I think do not like me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that when someone is not nice to me in a way that I have defined as 'being nice', that it means they dislike me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being a likeable person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself based upon how others perceive me, instead of making the directive decision of Who I Am wherein I do not require to look to others to show me who I am.

These are some suggestions I see if I place myself in your position, as I have been in a similar position- so they may not be accurate to you specifically, but if you expand upon them then I'm sure you will see yourself in there somewhere.

I don't know what to do, where to begin, how to react, how to be neutral, breath helps me a lot btw.

If you take apart the situation you wrote out above, then you can really see, realize and understand exactly what is going on within you, that's where to begin. Write out the self-forgiveness so that you can give yourself some practical application though self-corrective statements in order to tell yourself 'what to do' based on who YOU decide you are going to be.

An example of a self-corrective statement (scs):

When and as I see that I am desiring respect, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness by reminding myself that I do not require respect from others in order to function here at this job, all I require is time to learn how to do it properly, which will only happen through practice and experience and repeating the tasks. I move myself to focus on the task at hand and make sure that I'm doing it properly and within presence and awareness, because I understand that that is the quickest way I will learn.

Within this- you give yourself the answer of 'how not to react,' by telling yourself how you will move yourself INSTEAD of reacting to the situation.

What is it that I am doing wrong, is self-diminishment justified?

It's not about doing it right or wrong, it's about deciding Who You Are in this Life. Making decisions and seeing if they stand. If they don't, make another decision based on what is practical in the moment. Use common sense.
Self-diminishment is never justified. Forgive yourself for participating within/as it. As with any job- learn the job and do it well, be consistant- this takes time, and until the time is Here that you are effective in the job, you will in fact be 'less-than' others within your abilities. But that doesn't mean you should define yourself based on this, or based on others treating you like this. You'll get there. I remember looking at my manager who was giving me a hard time and saying just this "I'll get there, don't worry." And I was very confident that I would, because I wasn't focusing on or participating in how she was behaving towards me, I was focusing on learning the job. In this moment, who you are is 'learning the job,' and no one can change that by yelling at you or treating you poorly or nicely.

is it a good idea to leave this job soon?

This is for you to decide, within self-honesty, if your environment is really abusive, or are you taking it personally, and whether or not you think the whole situation is supportive to you, are you just running away from 'a difficult situation', and will you be able to find another job, etc...

is it the way that I am supposed to learn " learning trough the shit" ?

You stand up from within the shit, till the shit becomes irrelevent and you stand no matter what.

Bitia- this was a really long post with lots of good mterial to work with. Please, if you have any questions, ask, and work through this.

[Bitia]

Bitia,

I'm certain that a lot of people will be able to relate to the situation you are experiencing at work. I remember thinking to myself that there's always one girl 'who just decides to hate me' at every job I work at. And yes, the situation will arise again and again, and its up to you to realize what the situation is showing you about yourself that you're not wanting to face. This you can only realize for yourself, but within the tries/attempts to 'fix the problem' you've mentioned within your post I can see several aspects that you can forgive yourself for, because it's not about 'fixing' the 'problem' as if the 'problem' is outside of yourself. It's about changing who you are and what you will accept and allow from others within yourself.

So, after you described the whole scenario you said:

I have tried to find the equilibrium, be neutral, be stable, do my job, but I feel like if there's people who just don't respect me as an employee and respect my job and understand that I am learning and that abuse of their power

Here you give yourself a couple things to work with. The first is the question, how exactly did you try to "find the equilibrium," "be neutral" and "do [your] job"? Because if you simply go to work thinking to yourself: "I'm going to be neutral, I'm going to be stable, and just going to do my job an not let anything affect me" without givnig yourself an actual step-by-step guide for when you find yourself in the situation where you begin to react, you wont really know what to do other than repeat the same pattern over and over.

You're going to have to start really writing self-forgiveness Bitia, because that's how you get to start writing self-corrective statements which are just such scripts that will support you to remain stable throughout the experience. Because when you have those self-corrective statements and you realize (through self-forgiveness) exactly why you're feeling a certain way and how you've designed yourself and how you are actually the one that decides, then you'll see how possible it is to stop it and actually be that stability, neutrality and to be able to concentrate on your job and learning how to actually do it without being distracted by all the 'politics' going on around you.

So, I would highly suggest you start writing a self-forgiveness thread (if you haven't already- i didn't see one, but correct me if I'm wrong) ,by taking on one point and taking it apart through forgiveness in order to understand how you created it and how you can stop it. There is a point provided by you in the above quote which would be a really good one to start with, which is where you say that people don't respect you or the job you're doing.

there's people who just don't respect me as an employee and respect my job and understand that I am learning

Why do you feel people need to respect you?
Do you respect yourself and the job that you're doing? Do you understand that you're just learning, and it will take you some time before you will be able to handle the express cash by yourself, and that you can't expect to just 'get it', but that there's nothing wrong with taking some time to learn. I remember every new job I would start it would take a good amount of time before I could handle everything confidently and after that- people would start treating me differently because they see they don't have to worry about me anymore. But while I was learning, I would take it so personally when people would correct me and get mad at me, because I was in fact not as good as the other emploees- not as fast, not as able- so I felt insecure within my own abilities, without giving myself a break within the realization that every job requires an investment of time to learn and be able to do properly. Then, once I became better at the job and I would see other new employees starting out, and I would watch them go through the same exact experience as I had- being yelled at, feeling awkward etc... No, it's not fair and no one should be treated that way, but this is the reality we have to deal with and take self-responsibility within, as follows:

If you take this situation and write it out within self-forgiveness, you can avoid all the unecessary emotional turbulance, self-judgment and inferiority, and need for respect,(but you will still go through the process of learning the job).

So, I would look at your need to be respected:

I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to be 'respected' by my coworkers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if my coworkers don't respect me, that i am inferior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that if my coworkers don't respect me, there is something wrong with me or the job I'm doing, instead of seeing and realizing that I am just learning, and will make mistakes and learn from them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel insecure about the job that I'm doing, instead of giving myself the patience and respect to actually take the time to focus on learning the job so that I can do it well and competantly.

(How do you define respect?)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that 'respect' is when others treat me like I'm doing a good job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that 'respect' is how others make me feel.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing others to dictate how I feel based on whether or not I think/believe/perceive they have 'respect' for me.

Can you expand on this?

Next have a look at this quote:

I don't know what to do, my nature is to be smiley and nice at people, I always want to help people and treat them with love, not love like OH MY LOVE MY DARLING, but just helping them with what I can, I like to do things like massaging another cashier or something like that when I see the are tired, I like to place myself in people's shoes, and help, but I feel like if I have been betrayed

Within this part of the scenario I would look at your motivation or starting point of why you want to be smiley and be nice to people. Why do you want to help them and treat them with 'love'? Is it because you want to manipulate how they feel about you or perceive you? If you give your power away to people by allowing 'how you think they feel about you' to affect and influence you, then you will indeed try to manipulate how they feel about you in order to feel ok and good within yourself. When I say 'mainpulate them' I mean: being nice and smiley towards them in order that they may think you are a nice person and be nice back to you- because if people aren't nice back to you- you become upset and start wanting respect for example, and it upsets you and makes you feel inferior if you are not treated that way, as you mentioned.

So, it's cool to care about your coworkers and to place yourself in their shoes, but just make sure your starting point is clear (it is within treating them as one with you and equal to you) instead of doing it from a starting point of wanting something from them, like wanting them to be nice to you and like you. Because if you feel betrayed, it's because you were trying to get something or acheive something you felt you were owed, but if you have no expectations and you have taken self-responsiblity to act according to equality and oneness, then you can't be betrayed. You can't control people or expect them to behave fairly- life is not fair- you can either react to that and allow it to influence and limit you, or you can stand up within this reality and be fair to yourself.

I guess that I am taking things personal, because I define me as a likeable person and some people don't like me, but there's a difference between not liking me and abusing or being spiteful at me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a 'likeable' person, wherein I limit myself to only do things which I perceive as being 'likeable', thus giving my power away to those who I think/believe/perceive do not like me, because they do not validate the character I am playing as the 'likeable person' character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear people not liking me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear people not liking me because then it reveals to me that I don't really like myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not like myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself by giving my power away to others, such as those that I think do not like me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that when someone is not nice to me in a way that I have defined as 'being nice', that it means they dislike me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being a likeable person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself based upon how others perceive me, instead of making the directive decision of Who I Am wherein I do not require to look to others to show me who I am.

These are some suggestions I see if I place myself in your position, as I have been in a similar position- so they may not be accurate to you specifically, but if you expand upon them then I'm sure you will see yourself in there somewhere.

I don't know what to do, where to begin, how to react, how to be neutral, breath helps me a lot btw.

If you take apart the situation you wrote out above, then you can really see, realize and understand exactly what is going on within you, that's where to begin. Write out the self-forgiveness so that you can give yourself some practical application though self-corrective statements in order to tell yourself 'what to do' based on who YOU decide you are going to be.

An example of a self-corrective statement (scs):

When and as I see that I am desiring respect, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness by reminding myself that I do not require respect from others in order to function here at this job, all I require is time to learn how to do it properly, which will only happen through practice and experience and repeating the tasks. I move myself to focus on the task at hand and make sure that I'm doing it properly and within presence and awareness, because I understand that that is the quickest way I will learn.

Within this- you give yourself the answer of 'how not to react,' by telling yourself how you will move yourself INSTEAD of reacting to the situation.

What is it that I am doing wrong, is self-diminishment justified?

It's not about doing it right or wrong, it's about deciding Who You Are in this Life. Making decisions and seeing if they stand. If they don't, make another decision based on what is practical in the moment. Use common sense.
Self-diminishment is never justified. Forgive yourself for participating within/as it. As with any job- learn the job and do it well, be consistant- this takes time, and until the time is Here that you are effective in the job, you will in fact be 'less-than' others within your abilities. But that doesn't mean you should define yourself based on this, or based on others treating you like this. You'll get there. I remember looking at my manager who was giving me a hard time and saying just this "I'll get there, don't worry." And I was very confident that I would, because I wasn't focusing on or participating in how she was behaving towards me, I was focusing on learning the job. In this moment, who you are is 'learning the job,' and no one can change that by yelling at you or treating you poorly or nicely.

is it a good idea to leave this job soon?

This is for you to decide, within self-honesty, if your environment is really abusive, or are you taking it personally, and whether or not you think the whole situation is supportive to you, are you just running away from 'a difficult situation', and will you be able to find another job, etc...

is it the way that I am supposed to learn " learning trough the shit" ?

You stand up from within the shit, till the shit becomes irrelevent and you stand no matter what.

Bitia- this was a really long post with lots of good mterial to work with. Please, if you have any questions, ask, and work through this.

KIM THAAAANKS SO MUCH I AM REALLY GRATEFULL WITH EVERYONE HERE THAT THERE IS THIS KIND OF SUPPORT ON THE FORUM. IN THE MOMENT THAT I WAS WRITING THIS POST I WAS EMOTIONAL, I WAS RESISTING TAKING SELF-RESPONSIBILITY FOR THESE POINTS ( NOW I REALIZE THIS) . BUT I GUESS IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO WRITE AND SPECIFY HOW I FEEL/WHAT I BELIEVE/HOW I REACT BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS EXACTLY THE PROBLEM. Maybe my post was too long because of the same reason, but thank you again because you made it a lot more clear, you kind of "enlighted" the way so that I can be more effective at writing about this, and you supported me on specific points (beliefs/thoughts/feelings) at a time.

Ok, there's still something I don't understand. Is respect a synonym of equality? how can I treat people in equality, I have never learnt this or seen an example, I thought that being "nice" at people and not hating them and not taking things personally was treating them in equality, but I don't think that I defined equality correctly since I got stuccoed and had problems and break downs. So, could you put me an example and give me a suggestion on how to deal with some people that I just mentioned, how would you act/speak if you were in my place? Could you talk to me about your work experiences as an example of how to react/how to not react?

What exactly is wrong with asking/wanting respect, is it maybe my relationship with respect that is nor honest? or is the simple act of asking/wanting respect not honest? for example, when the woman yelled at me she was disrespectfull= so I find what she did unacceptable and so I would ask her for MORE RESPECT. How would you define respect (with an example maybe).
" You can't control people or expect them to behave fairly- life is not fair" ,This is true,as you said: I have to remain stable trough the shit no mather what, but, do you mean "life as the system we live in currently? or life in it self? ( I guess life will be fair in an equal money system), will it be ok if I tell people something like: HEY I DONT FIND THE WAY U ARE TALKING TO ME IS ACCEPTABLE, YOU WOULDN'T LKE TO BE TREATED IN THAT WAY, that's not a way of controlling others but more like supporting them right?

For the rest of your reply I find you have a lot of reason and you make really good points, like the point of manipulating others trough smiling : REALLY INTERESTING! I had never thought about it.

I am still kind of lost within "HOW TO ACT/BEHAVE" HOW TO DETERMINE WHO I AM, I THINK THAT IT WILL BE A GOOD IDEA TO READ SOME ARTICLES ABOUT EQUALITY AND ONENESS TO GET MORE CONTEXT.

Thanks again again Kim, I think this will not only support me but other people as well.

I'll update more on my blog, you can check it within the days to follow: bitiacatana.blogspot.com

[Cathy]

Excellent support here - Thanks!

[KimKline]

Ok, there's still something I don't understand. Is respect a synonym of equality?

No- only equality is equality, and if it existed, respect would in fact be irrelevent.

What exactly is wrong with asking/wanting respect, is it maybe my relationship with respect that is nor honest? or is the simple act of asking/wanting respect not honest? for example, when the woman yelled at me she was disrespectfull= so I find what she did unacceptable and so I would ask her for MORE RESPECT

Respect is basically you saying, "don't put me in an uncomfortable situation that will reveal me to myself, but instead respect me as this limited being enslaved to the mind."

When that woman yelled at you, you reacted within yourself= not cool because that means you are giving your power away to her. Within reacting to her, you are making the statement that 'yes, what you think about me matters'. This is self-abuse, you are accepting and allowing others to define you, and accepting and allowing your mind of thoughs, feeling, emotions, ideas and beliefs to dictate Who You Are- and this is what the situation is revealing to you.

When and as you take self-responsibility for this, you will have to stop and change by no longer accepting and allowing yourself to be influenced by her (no longer feeding the mind with fear/inferiority energy). The mind will fear you stopping and changing, sticking up for yourself by standing up as Who You Are, so you will experience fear within and as you if you participate within and as the mind in this way. So when one reacts within the desire for respect, one is stating "respect me as I am so that I do not have to change".

And then there's this two way exchange between two people where each respect the other as who they are as the mind in this unspoken agreement that each will not challenge the other but rather each will remain in their 'comfort zones' and never face themselves and never change, but only ever demand they be respected as who and what they've accepted and allowed themselves to be/become.

Here is a cool video by Marlen, where she defines respect: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jT2QXtKvnw

"Respect is recognising another as myself, as one and equal – meaning: recognising that I can see that within themselves, they are living as the words they speak; but they are not only speaking out of knowledge and information and simply wanting to portray themselves in a particular way, but really becoming that word, that living stance, as themselves, and regaining themselves as that point of authority and that point of self-respect. Meaning: them not allowing themselves to exist in any form of abuse, in any possible way and consistently and continuously being directive. I respect that person because of their stance and their commitment to themselves. So, that is also another point: self-commitment." -Marlen

Some self-forgiveness support from the Desteni material:
"I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be respected by another human being within a relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a relationship so that I can be respected – instead of respecting myself as who I am in every moment of every breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for respect in another and in relationship – instead of investigating why I am not respecting myself and accordingly apply forgiveness and take corrective action – until I respect me as who I am in every moment of every breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself through respecting something of another that I don’t actually agree with.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to respect another so that I may be respected in return.
I forgive myself for not respecting myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-respect."

( I guess life will be fair in an equal money system),

-Life will be fair when everyone has an equal chance to take self-responsibility, which is the goal of the EMS- to get every one to an 'equal playing feild' so that humanity can take responsibility and create a new world together where all are equal. But there will be some that will be tall for example- and thus have more advantage playing basket ball (as a very simplified example), but that 'unfairness' will be irrelevant, because it will just be 'difference' .

how can I treat people in equality, I have never learnt this or seen an example,

lol!- That's because there has never been actual equality, it has never existed. That's what we're in the process of doing- learning/taking the initiative to actually live equality as a living word. Only then will there be living examples of equality! That's why the process entails the principles of equality and oneness.

I thought that being "nice" at people and not hating them and not taking things personally was treating them in equality

It's not what you do- it's who you are within what you do. As you saw already- you can be nice to people but really it is in self-interest, as you are manipulating them to be nice to you back. That's why the Desteni material explains that you have to understand and realize self-equality first. When you are equal and one within yourself means you have no reactions, no participation in thoughts, no feelings/emotions, you are only exactly what you express, and you move yourself as one with yourself in the moment, not movement based on past/present/future memories/projections. No ego. This is what I understand from the material, and from seeing how I am not equal even to myself, but when I become equal to myself in one small way (such as, for example, stopping reacting within defensiveness towards someone in a particular situation, to the point where I can trust myself that I will no longer react), and I see that everything that used to surround the point and used to matter just falls away and something else takes it's place. It's this certainty and stability that is me as who and how I have directed myself to be, where it's like, in that moment, I Decide. So I can take that one small experience and apply it to all of me, and see a general perception of what it could be like to be equal to myself. And it's worth it! So, self-equality first, and then within your relationships with others, wherein it wont be about 'being nice,' but rather treating another how you would like to be treated (which can also imply calling them out at times, as you have to call yourself out at times).

So, could you put me an example and give me a suggestion on how to deal with some people that I just mentioned, how would you act/speak if you were in my place? Could you talk to me about your work experiences as an example of how to react/how to not react?

Within my work experience,I have been all over the place and tried and fallen many times! One time, after self-forgiveness, I got the confidence to speak up for myself, I confronted a lady and stood up for what I knew was 'right' and I kind of snapped because she had been bullying me for a while and I had a lot of energy build up towards her. It ended up being really pointless and unecessary. I was 'standing up' within and as energy and wanting to prove something, and I went right into reaction afterwards and saw that I wasn't ready. So I would suggest to work on self-equality first, which if I had at the time, I would have calmly stated my point with no reaction, and been very clear about what I was saying, when in that moment I was all flustered and it back-fired. lol! So there's no instruction on how to react or not react, but to investigate your reactions to see what they're showing you. Practice breathing through the reactions at first, bringing yourself out of the mind and into the physical, remaining focused on whatever it is you are directing yourself to do, until you see you are able to stand. That is what I am working on, and when I see that I can stand, I test it out. It goes up and down, you just have to keep at it, and it happpense bit by bit, step by step. Some situations I can stand in now and speak up, but others I see still require some work. Each day provides new oportunities to test your application, but you have to script your application first! So it all comes back to writing it out, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, then start living it as you.

[KimKline]

Paul's blog about self-respect: http://paulsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/ ... spect.html

[Leila]

Cool Support Kim!

[barbara]

Excellent support Kim! Thanks - enjoyed reading

[Bella]

Yes!

[Rozelle de Lange]

Cool Support Kim!

Agreed

Thanks