I have tried to find the equilibrium, be neutral, be stable, do my job, but I feel like if there's people who just don't respect me as an employee and respect my job and understand that I am learning and that abuse of their power
there's people who just don't respect me as an employee and respect my job and understand that I am learning
I don't know what to do, my nature is to be smiley and nice at people, I always want to help people and treat them with love, not love like OH MY LOVE MY DARLING, but just helping them with what I can, I like to do things like massaging another cashier or something like that when I see the are tired, I like to place myself in people's shoes, and help, but I feel like if I have been betrayed
I guess that I am taking things personal, because I define me as a likeable person and some people don't like me, but there's a difference between not liking me and abusing or being spiteful at me.
I don't know what to do, where to begin, how to react, how to be neutral, breath helps me a lot btw.
What is it that I am doing wrong, is self-diminishment justified?
is it a good idea to leave this job soon?
is it the way that I am supposed to learn " learning trough the shit" ?
I'm certain that a lot of people will be able to relate to the situation you are experiencing at work. I remember thinking to myself that there's always one girl 'who just decides to hate me' at every job I work at. And yes, the situation will arise again and again, and its up to you to realize what the situation is showing you about yourself that you're not wanting to face. This you can only realize for yourself, but within the tries/attempts to 'fix the problem' you've mentioned within your post I can see several aspects that you can forgive yourself for, because it's not about 'fixing' the 'problem' as if the 'problem' is outside of yourself. It's about changing who you are and what you will accept and allow from others within yourself.
So, after you described the whole scenario you said:I have tried to find the equilibrium, be neutral, be stable, do my job, but I feel like if there's people who just don't respect me as an employee and respect my job and understand that I am learning and that abuse of their power
Here you give yourself a couple things to work with. The first is the question, how exactly did you try to "find the equilibrium," "be neutral" and "do [your] job"? Because if you simply go to work thinking to yourself: "I'm going to be neutral, I'm going to be stable, and just going to do my job an not let anything affect me" without givnig yourself an actual step-by-step guide for when you find yourself in the situation where you begin to react, you wont really know what to do other than repeat the same pattern over and over.
You're going to have to start really writing self-forgiveness Bitia, because that's how you get to start writing self-corrective statements which are just such scripts that will support you to remain stable throughout the experience. Because when you have those self-corrective statements and you realize (through self-forgiveness) exactly why you're feeling a certain way and how you've designed yourself and how you are actually the one that decides, then you'll see how possible it is to stop it and actually be that stability, neutrality and to be able to concentrate on your job and learning how to actually do it without being distracted by all the 'politics' going on around you.
So, I would highly suggest you start writing a self-forgiveness thread (if you haven't already- i didn't see one, but correct me if I'm wrong) ,by taking on one point and taking it apart through forgiveness in order to understand how you created it and how you can stop it. There is a point provided by you in the above quote which would be a really good one to start with, which is where you say that people don't respect you or the job you're doing.there's people who just don't respect me as an employee and respect my job and understand that I am learning
Why do you feel people need to respect you?
Do you respect yourself and the job that you're doing? Do you understand that you're just learning, and it will take you some time before you will be able to handle the express cash by yourself, and that you can't expect to just 'get it', but that there's nothing wrong with taking some time to learn. I remember every new job I would start it would take a good amount of time before I could handle everything confidently and after that- people would start treating me differently because they see they don't have to worry about me anymore. But while I was learning, I would take it so personally when people would correct me and get mad at me, because I was in fact not as good as the other emploees- not as fast, not as able- so I felt insecure within my own abilities, without giving myself a break within the realization that every job requires an investment of time to learn and be able to do properly. Then, once I became better at the job and I would see other new employees starting out, and I would watch them go through the same exact experience as I had- being yelled at, feeling awkward etc... No, it's not fair and no one should be treated that way, but this is the reality we have to deal with and take self-responsibility within, as follows:
If you take this situation and write it out within self-forgiveness, you can avoid all the unecessary emotional turbulance, self-judgment and inferiority, and need for respect,(but you will still go through the process of learning the job).
So, I would look at your need to be respected:
I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to be 'respected' by my coworkers.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if my coworkers don't respect me, that i am inferior.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that if my coworkers don't respect me, there is something wrong with me or the job I'm doing, instead of seeing and realizing that I am just learning, and will make mistakes and learn from them
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel insecure about the job that I'm doing, instead of giving myself the patience and respect to actually take the time to focus on learning the job so that I can do it well and competantly.
(How do you define respect?)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that 'respect' is when others treat me like I'm doing a good job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that 'respect' is how others make me feel.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing others to dictate how I feel based on whether or not I think/believe/perceive they have 'respect' for me.
Can you expand on this?
Next have a look at this quote:I don't know what to do, my nature is to be smiley and nice at people, I always want to help people and treat them with love, not love like OH MY LOVE MY DARLING, but just helping them with what I can, I like to do things like massaging another cashier or something like that when I see the are tired, I like to place myself in people's shoes, and help, but I feel like if I have been betrayed
Within this part of the scenario I would look at your motivation or starting point of why you want to be smiley and be nice to people. Why do you want to help them and treat them with 'love'? Is it because you want to manipulate how they feel about you or perceive you? If you give your power away to people by allowing 'how you think they feel about you' to affect and influence you, then you will indeed try to manipulate how they feel about you in order to feel ok and good within yourself. When I say 'mainpulate them' I mean: being nice and smiley towards them in order that they may think you are a nice person and be nice back to you- because if people aren't nice back to you- you become upset and start wanting respect for example, and it upsets you and makes you feel inferior if you are not treated that way, as you mentioned.
So, it's cool to care about your coworkers and to place yourself in their shoes, but just make sure your starting point is clear (it is within treating them as one with you and equal to you) instead of doing it from a starting point of wanting something from them, like wanting them to be nice to you and like you. Because if you feel betrayed, it's because you were trying to get something or acheive something you felt you were owed, but if you have no expectations and you have taken self-responsiblity to act according to equality and oneness, then you can't be betrayed. You can't control people or expect them to behave fairly- life is not fair- you can either react to that and allow it to influence and limit you, or you can stand up within this reality and be fair to yourself.I guess that I am taking things personal, because I define me as a likeable person and some people don't like me, but there's a difference between not liking me and abusing or being spiteful at me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a 'likeable' person, wherein I limit myself to only do things which I perceive as being 'likeable', thus giving my power away to those who I think/believe/perceive do not like me, because they do not validate the character I am playing as the 'likeable person' character.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear people not liking me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear people not liking me because then it reveals to me that I don't really like myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not like myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself by giving my power away to others, such as those that I think do not like me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that when someone is not nice to me in a way that I have defined as 'being nice', that it means they dislike me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being a likeable person.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself based upon how others perceive me, instead of making the directive decision of Who I Am wherein I do not require to look to others to show me who I am.
These are some suggestions I see if I place myself in your position, as I have been in a similar position- so they may not be accurate to you specifically, but if you expand upon them then I'm sure you will see yourself in there somewhere.I don't know what to do, where to begin, how to react, how to be neutral, breath helps me a lot btw.
If you take apart the situation you wrote out above, then you can really see, realize and understand exactly what is going on within you, that's where to begin. Write out the self-forgiveness so that you can give yourself some practical application though self-corrective statements in order to tell yourself 'what to do' based on who YOU decide you are going to be.
An example of a self-corrective statement (scs):
When and as I see that I am desiring respect, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness by reminding myself that I do not require respect from others in order to function here at this job, all I require is time to learn how to do it properly, which will only happen through practice and experience and repeating the tasks. I move myself to focus on the task at hand and make sure that I'm doing it properly and within presence and awareness, because I understand that that is the quickest way I will learn.
Within this- you give yourself the answer of 'how not to react,' by telling yourself how you will move yourself INSTEAD of reacting to the situation.What is it that I am doing wrong, is self-diminishment justified?
It's not about doing it right or wrong, it's about deciding Who You Are in this Life. Making decisions and seeing if they stand. If they don't, make another decision based on what is practical in the moment. Use common sense.
Self-diminishment is never justified. Forgive yourself for participating within/as it. As with any job- learn the job and do it well, be consistant- this takes time, and until the time is Here that you are effective in the job, you will in fact be 'less-than' others within your abilities. But that doesn't mean you should define yourself based on this, or based on others treating you like this. You'll get there. I remember looking at my manager who was giving me a hard time and saying just this "I'll get there, don't worry." And I was very confident that I would, because I wasn't focusing on or participating in how she was behaving towards me, I was focusing on learning the job. In this moment, who you are is 'learning the job,' and no one can change that by yelling at you or treating you poorly or nicely.is it a good idea to leave this job soon?
This is for you to decide, within self-honesty, if your environment is really abusive, or are you taking it personally, and whether or not you think the whole situation is supportive to you, are you just running away from 'a difficult situation', and will you be able to find another job, etc...is it the way that I am supposed to learn " learning trough the shit" ?
You stand up from within the shit, till the shit becomes irrelevent and you stand no matter what.
Bitia- this was a really long post with lots of good mterial to work with. Please, if you have any questions, ask, and work through this.
Ok, there's still something I don't understand. Is respect a synonym of equality?
What exactly is wrong with asking/wanting respect, is it maybe my relationship with respect that is nor honest? or is the simple act of asking/wanting respect not honest? for example, when the woman yelled at me she was disrespectfull= so I find what she did unacceptable and so I would ask her for MORE RESPECT
-Life will be fair when everyone has an equal chance to take self-responsibility, which is the goal of the EMS- to get every one to an 'equal playing feild' so that humanity can take responsibility and create a new world together where all are equal. But there will be some that will be tall for example- and thus have more advantage playing basket ball (as a very simplified example), but that 'unfairness' will be irrelevant, because it will just be 'difference' .( I guess life will be fair in an equal money system),
how can I treat people in equality, I have never learnt this or seen an example,
I thought that being "nice" at people and not hating them and not taking things personally was treating them in equality
So, could you put me an example and give me a suggestion on how to deal with some people that I just mentioned, how would you act/speak if you were in my place? Could you talk to me about your work experiences as an example of how to react/how to not react?
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