Desteni Forum

I am a Desteni I Process Agent · by **Aldin** » 15 Jun 2011, 23:16

1st blog: http://aldinhrvat.wordpress.com/

2nd blog (initial blog): http://aldin-hrvat.blogspot.com/

I am a Desteni I Process Agent · by **Aldin** » 09 Apr 2012, 19:17

IS IT REALLY THAT DIFFICULT LIKE I BELIEVE IT TO BE ???

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tempted by entertainment like movies, music and games.

I frogive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tempted towards watching a movie, serie, listening to music or playing a game instead of directing myself to self-realize through self-introspection; self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I can take a day off each week from self-responsibility of / as self-introspection / self-creation through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective-expression / application; so I can ‘re-charge’ my motivation to do so for the upcomming week.

I forgive myslf that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to ‘re-charge’ my motivation each week for at least one day for the upcomming week in-order to be motivated to self-direct me to self-introspect, self-forgive, self-write and self-correct / self-express.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on a seperate point that serves as a motivation for self-direction for self-introspection; self-forgiveness, self-writing and self-expressing / self-correcting myself into self-aware self-creation of equality and oneness with / as all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use energy in form of emotional, feeling and through experiences as a motivational point within me to self-direct me to apply self-forgiveness, self-writing and self-correct / self-express me into self-aware self-creation within and as equality and oneness with / as al life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on energy that ‘serve’ me as motivation to do things instead of self-directing myself and being the actual source of / as motivation myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to energy as a source where I can ‘access’ or ‘harvest’ certain points like motivation for doing things instead of realizing myself as self-source for / as everything.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be certain / serious within the self-forgiveness application instead of just wording the words and meningless strings.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that words; the words I speak equal self-expression which equal self-creatoin in and throughout time and thus realize words as the putting together of a creational string with and as which I create myself equal and one as the words and their resonances / definitions I have of those words.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the actual power of words for words equal self-expression and self-expression equals self-creation and I forgive myself within that that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize words and the putting together of these words into strings as a self-creational tool / expression with which I can self-create and structure myself equally to the expression / sounding / sound / words I express myself as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe it to be freakin’ difficult to stand up from a self-created fall and think and believe that it takes some time to stand up instead of realizing it’s all bull and another way of utulizing excuses for not realizing and taking immediate self-responsibility and self-express as the directive principle of creation = Self as Self-Expression HERE in each moment of breath as all the words / sounds I word / sound / speak / resonate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe it to be okay to take my time; how much time it every might take for me; to stand-up / ‘come back’ and ‘re-empower’ myself to stand up and self-direct and self-express myself as the self-directive principle of creation as Self Here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I’m utulizing and abusing time to serve me to not have to take self-responsibility but remain in regret and feel sorry for myself for apparently not being able to stand up from a self-created creation as Self as self-experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use time to trap me deliberatly so I might waste more time not having to take self-responsibility and hope that I’ll be saved in time before it’s to late for me so I have not to stand-up and ‘save myself’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope for Destonians to save me from my self-experiences I ‘feel’ in my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope and wait for some magical words from Bernard, Sunette or other Destonians to cheer me up and make me feel encouraged and energetic / strong enough to stand-up again and self-express as the self-directive principle of creation as Self-Expression Here Equal and One to one’s Self-Expression in Each Moment of Breath and Living Application and as an acumulating consequence in time of one’s self-expression in and throughout time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel to weak; mentally and supposedly physically to move and direct myself to stand up and apply self-forgiveness, self-writing and self-corrective application to live me out of this self-created hell of energetic self-experiences that I trap me with / through.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I feel weak mentally and supposedly physically also because I; in the back of my mind; as back-chat; actually self-talk myself into such an experience through participating in throughts / conversations with my own mind / patterns and memories / moments of past that I hold onto and dicourage me through to stand up HERE in each new moment and each new window of opportunity for me to self-express myself as the self-directive principle of creation as Self-Expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the conversations and back-chats with / in my own mind through which I dis-empower and disencourage myself to take the actions necessary in a moment of / as breath that is at hand right here instead of remaining physically located here; through focusing on the breath ; the physical touch and remaining calm and assertive in my self-honesty and HEREness; walking through the energetic experiences I have / feel in a particular moment or time-frame till it ceases and what remains is what always remains; is and was Here which is the Physical HEREness of a particular ‘thing’ / moment because the mind makes more of things / points then what they actually are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait and hope for self-realization to come and knock on my door inviting me to self-realize instead of realizing that this will never happen ’cause self-realization is about self and can and must in fact be SELF-directed; meaning that I must actually deliberatly move myself ‘towards’ or ‘into’ the realization of myself / points as / of myself; and this is done through self-directing myself into self-introspection through self-forgiveness, self-writing and self-corrective application in every moment of every breath that is here at hand ’cause all of them moment / breaths are actually opportunities for self-realization.

I fogive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe and remain in the belief that I need my individual time / time-frame to come to the realization that I must stand-up and no-one will come and fuckin’ save me or do thing for me; waiting and hoping that this realization will ‘strike’ / ‘hit’ me in a singular and particular moment that I call ‘my time’ / ‘my turn’ and then kinda be ‘lifted’ and be able to self-direct and express myself with absolute ease without conflict and / or ‘struggeling’ moment in my experience of self-direction at times.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that ‘my turn’ and ‘my time’ is in every damn moment of every breath I take here; always presenting itself as a new opportunity for self-expression as the self-directive-principle of creation as Self-Expression here if I but dare take this opportunity and act upon it instead of wasting it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that standing-up from a fall is actually quite easy ’cause all that is needed is to actually continue with self-honest self-expression till it stand the test of time and I fall no more again in existence at the point of self-expressive principle of / as equality and oneness as self-honesty as what is best for all life but that it’s me through creating experiences / energies in form of throughts, feelings and emotions and continually participating in ‘em that is making it hard for myself to simply stand-up again and continue self-honest self-expression if I but fall at a point or points.

Simple actually; yet over-complicated through self-participation in the mind as throughts; converstations and back-chats with / in ones mind.

I forgive myself that I hvae accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to self-forgiveness; thinking and believing that self-forgiveness is THE only tool and / or expression to self-correct myself and set me free ffrom self-created forms of enslavement in froms of thought-patterns; emotions and feelings and energy-experiences; beliefs, opinions, ideas and any other form of self-enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to apply self-forgvieness and that’s it instead of realizing that it’s not that easy.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realizet aht self-forgiveness does not change anything as a stand-alone exprssion or application and that I must LIVE the self-forgiveness and the self-directed self-realizations I ‘had’ during / through the application of self-forgiveness and / or writing TILL the ‘old’ patterns and expressions are no more and I have ‘successfully’ structured / self-created myself as the ‘new’ self-expression.

I forgive mself that I have not accepted myself to realize self-forgiveness as kinda like the application of self-direction towards self-realization and then self-corrective-application as the LIVING of that self-realization into manifesting / structuring that self-realization point / points as myself till I am in fact standing equal and one in totallity as that point of self-realization both within and without as reflected in the physical reality.

Forgive; Forgive, Realize and Live !

Forgive; Self-Direct yourself ‘into’ Self-Realization; Self-Realize and then LIVE till you ARE ‘it’ both WITHIN and WITHOUT !

I am a Desteni I Process Agent · by **Aldin** » 10 Apr 2012, 21:21

DETOXICATING THE APPLICATION OF WRITING

Another Day; another set of opportunities for self-liberation from self-imposed limitations:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that writing is difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and judge writing as difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate writing because I feel so impatient while I’m writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel so impatient while writing; projecting myself into the future when my writing is done; so I can feel reliefed from this tension and impatience that I experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the impatience and tension I experience while / during writing or directing myself to do things out of self-will, as normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard and come to hate the one thing that is the most effective approach to see myself for who and what I am and have become throughout my life and existence up to the current moment and give myself the gift of re-creating myself in the image and likeness of who I wanna be in full self-aware self-potential; which is Writing ’cause in writing I lay myself down on paper; structure myself, my experience, my behavior, my patterns into words where I can see directly Who I am and have become and how I have come to accept myself as such an expression I have become and exist as currently and within that through writing and another ‘set’ of words as Expressions structure myself into a ‘new’ Self that I actually direct myself in full self-awareness of my self-potential of Who I can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the resistance I experience towards writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the resistance of writing.

I forgive myself that Ihave not accepted and allowed myself to instead of giving into the energy of / as resistance I experience towards the point of writing; focus my attention on the Phsical Breath and Touch Here and Breathe Through the Energetic Experiences till they cease.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I gotta be conststant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the Love for Writing will come by itself and that I’ll one morning wake up and My Resistance towards Writing and Self-Application will be all gone magically and replaced by a passionate Love and Preference towards Writing instead of realizing that this fairy-tale crap is never gonna happen and within that I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this is all wishful thinking and that it is me that has to actually direct myself and SELF-CREATE that ‘love’ and ‘preference’ for Writing and Self-Applying me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that creating this ‘love’ and ‘preference’ for writing and deleting the hate and resistance I have towards writing is not difficult if I but see the actual Potential that Writing comprises which is the Ability to Practically come in contact with Myself in a Physical Way and see who I am as a living entity and see through a timeline of events what points have lead to the creation and manifestation of myself as my living as Who and As What I exist in a particular moment and within that also give myself the opportunity and allowence and permission to stop; clear all points that lead to the manifestation / existence of myself in a moment and structure myself into a ‘new’ Living / Self that I actually wanna be and exist as and live as and enjoy living as.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can delete the hate towards Writing in one singular moment; and Direct myself to ‘love’ and ‘prefere’ writing as I see it’s Potential as a Self-Creational Tool.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my resistance and hate towards writing has also to do with self-created ideas that I have imposed onto Writing and have through that Lived these Ideas while I’m writing which have manifested and created particular Experiences of Discomfort within Myself while / during Writing and would start to ‘ejaculate’ throughout my body as soon as I but even Think of Writing.

Here’s a list of ideas I’ve imposed onto the Application of Writing:

I have to sit straight, legs on the ground; straight posture – no matter how uncomfortable that posture might be.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I have to sit straight all the time while writing because I recall once a writing of Leila where she said that Bernard told her to always sit straight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I have to make the experience of Writing physically uncomfortable through sitting in ways that I do not enjoy or feel uncomforable in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going against what Bernard might have said because it would mean I’m self-dishonest.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I’ve take the statement of ‘sitting straight’ and imprinted my own ideas and beliefs about body posture onto it and that I do not have any understanding about the context that Bernard might have talked about with regards to sitting straight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and blieve within that that I’m not allowed to lean back and position myself into a position that is physically comfortable for me to write or do whatever I’m currently doing.

I have to write very fast; so I can capure each point I have ‘on my mind’ that I want to write about or so I can capture and write down each damn thought or experience I have while Writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to write very fast so I might not miss a single point I have ‘on my mind’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing on points I have ‘on my mind’ instead of realizing that it is Physically impossible to write down every single point I have ‘on my mind’ – for there are numerous points and it is physically IMPRACTICAL to write them all down in one session of Writing or Self-Forgiveness or Self-Speaking and that multiple session are required to clear all points that exist ‘in one’s mind’ and that it is therefor a PROCESS taking place in space and TIME otherwise we’d already be ‘done’ a long time ago if it all could be done / cleared in one singular session of Writing / Self-Forgiveness / Self-Speaking !

So within that I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to write at the pace that is practical and COMFORTABLE for me PHYSICALLY; yet still ‘challenge’ myself; meaning that I still direct myself self-willingly and push myself beyond experiences / points of resistance in clearing a point till I have cleared that point or points effectively through Writing; yet not rush due to fear of missing a point that’s ‘on / in my mind’.

I’m not allowed to take a ‘break’ or stop till the time-frame has passed that I have pre-set before even starting to Write.

That I must feel guilty if I do not write for a particular time-frame I have pre-set or believe is acceptable for Writing to be enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I’m not allowed to stop Writing until the time has passed that I have pre-set for myself even befoe starting to Write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set a Time for myself for how long I will be writing and within that believe and think that it’s unacceptable to stop prior to that.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am setting a time for Writing for myself because I want to make sure that it does not take all day; so that I have a reasonable time for which I have dedicated time to myself in creating myself, so I do not feel bad or guilty for not having done so for a specific time-frame AND so I can actually make sure it does not take to long and I can enjoy other things than writing to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set a; in my belief; reasonable time for which I’ll be writing and dedicating myself to Myself in Self-Creation and Self-Purification, so I do not feel bad or guilt for not having done so – and to make sure the Writing does not take to long; so I can do other things I like more then writing to.

I forgvie myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I’m in that way not really dedicating myself to myself but am acting out a belief of doing so so I do not feel bad or guilty.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ACTUALLY; for REAL dedicate myself to myself and Write for How ever long it might take for a point or points to be cleared within and through writing; whether it’s 10 minutes or 5 hours.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within a pre-set Time-Frame in which I’m writing and self-creating and clearing mysel instead of allowing and accepting me to give myself how ever long I might need / require for a Point to be cleared within me as me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to write for however long I need to write to clear a point within myself and transcribe the Corrective-Application I’ll be walking as the ‘new’ Self-Expression into creating a ‘new’ Self that I want to exist and live and experience myself as.

Now a list with the experiences I hate during / while writing; through which I came to hate and resist writing:

Hitting a blank slate: When I write about a partuicular point and reach the point of ‘silence’ / ‘blankness’; where I cannot ‘think’ of anything to write about that point anymore; here I’d look and look and look at the point till I feel so physically uncomfortable that I cannot sit still any more.

I’d go into kinda like a hyperventilation mode; trying to force more words out of me about a particular point; where my breathing become heavy and difficult as though I’ve squatted a high amount of weight for numerous reps.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate ‘hitting a blank slate’ trhough writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate Writing because I hate the experience of ‘hitting a blank slate’ – when I no longer know what to write about about a particular point.

I forgive myself that Ihave accepted and allowed myself to think and believe ‘hitting a blank slate’; not knowing anymore what to write about about a particular point; to be ‘bad’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that there is unlimited things I can write about a particular point.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that there is only so much I can write about a singular , particular point before reaching ‘it’s’ End which is comming to the Self-Realization(s) about that particular point where I can write no more about that point because I’ve looked at the point in all it’s angle; all it’s dimensions and I’ve cleared myself from that point through writing and All that is Left is to LIVE the self-realization of / as a particular point in the PHYSICAL till I transcend and / or become it in Manifestation both within and without.

I forive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that there is only so much I can write about a particular point within myself as myself and that at this point all I can write about that point is redundant information I have already looked at and realized – and that all that is left is to LIVE the realizations of / as that point till transcended or manifested as me both within and without; dependent on the nature of the point.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that there is a point where I can write no more about a point and have to LIVE it PHYSICALLY from here on; and that any further attempt to write about it is redundat information and ‘wasting’ of LIVING time of that Point.

Within that I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to write till I can write no more about that point; no matter how I look at it; and from here: BREATHE and LET GO of the point and LIVE it / the realization(s) in the PHYSICAL till transcend or manifested as me; depending on what the point is – instead of HOLDING on the point; thinking, believing and fearing to miss out on some information I’m not able to see in a partcular moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a point, triying to get more out of it if I ‘hit a blank slate’, and can find no more ting to write / pull out of it no matter how I look at it, because of thinking, believing and fearing to maybe, just maybe possibly miss out on some crutial information I’m not able to see right now.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this is not practical and that I’m traping myself in a mind-set of / as fear of missing something ‘valuable’.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the PRACTICAL approach in such a moment when I’m not able to write any more and/or pull out any more information of a particular point, which is: Letting the Point go and Moving On; LIVING the realization(s) I’ve had up to the ‘blank slate’ and realize that if there in fact IS someting I’ve missed or not been able to see in a moment; that ‘it’ will reveal itself in time if I but stick to the PRACTICAL LIVING of that point and the realization(s) I’ve had during ‘pulling’ the point ‘apart’ ’cause through the LIVING of that point I’m WALKING the point / realization(s) in all it’s dimensions and if I’ve missed or not been able to see a dimension of that point in a session I will through the LIVING actually DIRECT myself ‘into’ that ‘missed’ ‘dimension’ of the particular point and so continue till in FACT all ‘dimensions’ of a ‘point’ are cleared.

Lol..

.. WTF ?

Does it all have to be so ?

Nope. Not really.

It’s MY laws I’ve imposed onto The Application of Writing. So I can STOP ‘em. I can STOP it !

So I STOP !

I’m WRITING: ‘Pulling apart’ a point till I SELF-REALIZE and can no longer ‘pull’ anyhting ‘out’ of the point; Here I’m letting go of the point and move on with LIVING the point / realization(s) PHYSICALLY.

I’m LIVING a point / realization: WALKING a singular point / realization in all it’s dimensions in Fact; seeing the ‘dimensions’ I might have missed through Writing; going back to Writing about the missed ‘Dimensional’ point and LIVE again till the point is cleared in ALL ‘dimensions’ in fact.