Desteni Forum

10/23/17 I just read heavensjourneytolife blog post day 41 - "temptation is not damnation?" out loud. here heaven speaks about how one has sold one's soul to the devil as a deal for eternal positive energy experience as the survival of one's temptation which is also the survival of one's fear of los...

10/23/17 I realize the importance in self trust in walking one's process. Self trust is like essential because that's the first step as the foundation over/upon which self fuckin moves/exists. Once one is able to walk one's process within/as a relationship whit/to self - that is more supportive and ...

list of justifications I give myself to continue my addiction: I wana do it. I'm scared. fuck life, life is like meaningless/worthless/ I need it to have something good as a cope mechanism. I cant stop it. but I fuckin love it so much. this time I can do it better. fuck existence. it's just automati...

10-21-17 why be sad or mad, or self judgment, remorse. I can decide to get rid of it and let go or to make it a gift. and that obviously means that to let go of those emotions I have to stop suppressing them and deal with them / sort them out so I don't have to bare that shit anymore. I commit mysel...

I've writen about how i experience guilt, shame, fear, shame, remorse, regret, self-judgment when i accept and allow myself to do drugs and masturbate to picture images even though I'm aware that if I continue doing this it will manifest extensive consequences that will not be nice; they will be pai...

Tuesday 10-17-17 I am catching up on a previous post i wrote about a particular memory when I was younger. Its the post with the date 10-8-17 ;) I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hide in fear in that house where I was in. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not...

Saturday 10-14-17 I am going to be writing sf on 'paranoia'. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to submit to paranoia. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, understand that paranoia is in essence of the nature of the mind-consciousness-system. I forg...

Saying that I have nothing to do or I know what to do and using that as a justification to instigate falling into doing drugs and/or masturbating to picture images is not valid because I can always benefit from learning more. I just realized that it is in fact best for all for me to disactivate and ...

10-12-17 I saw a gore video where some men are killing a guy in a slow but very painful and bloody way and it just "killed my trip". Because how can I just ignore that shit if who I really am is equal and one with/as all? It would be nice to have some fun as life but first war has to stop. And fuck ...

Monday 10-9-17 Before I took the drugs to enhance my masturbation I wasn't nesseserily craving specifically to be sexual and masturbate. But I wanted a 'good time', I wanted to be comfortable and just be able to be me/myself completely. And I guess I wanted to escape my reality / my mind, the negati...