How I got to Desteni?
I've growned up in a tiny village. My family members has some fuckups for instance alcoholic-abuse, jail, psychiatry etc. Somehow my only choice seemed to be to learn and study continuously to avoid poverty. At quite early stage of my life I realized that I can't become somebody like my family members because that is obviously limited and not really 'pleasant'.
When I was a kid, I was very introverted - my interest was nature and do things with tools, but then very soon I found that my interest perfectly matched with computers.
I had enormous fears inside of me and as a kid - I was very busy to find methods and occupations to avoid this direct, intense, tainted 'feel' of fear. Many nights I could not fall asleep as I felt like I have something huge within me what I am falling into without a starting point, without a stable ground - I felt like I am falling forever in the endless Universe.
I was able to rapidly learn the occupations from my family members what made me diverted from my fears - keeping myself constantly busy with imagination, daydreaming, thinking, even with sexual arousedness - I was able to divert my attention from how I experience myself physically here to my own created self-definition systems.
I've created several personality manifestations within myself - what were not directly related with my Physical Beingness - for instance by playing Fantasy Role-Playing Game - I've created Talamon, a powerful wizard superhero character who have no ethical or moral limitation within, who have no laws or principles what he is subjected to - a some sort of Demonic expression as a Possession of Compressed Manifestation of Self-Definition as Ego. I was very busy to suppress who I am in the physical, I started to perceive my physical beingness just as a vessel, a prison, what I must step beyond somehow - by perceiving the mind consciousness as the real power instead of my Human Physical body. With these starting points I've walked into the System and I started to learn.
I studied bookkeeping and computer programming at high school, later on I went to University of Natural Science to learn Programming Mathematics.
My path was in a way always close to drugs(until a point as alcohol) - my family members, such as my father had serious issues with alcohol - he basically ruined his life with it and he did die in a pit sunken drunk alone. That was an outstanding example of where to I am not going to walk within my life - however at University from a point - let myself to be persuaded by the roommates - I started to drink. In a way it was a wake-up from my closed-up-ness and inhibition - but on the other part - I've fucked myself up extensively by going after things what are not real for instance love. I realized with alcohol I am killing myself - I had several health-related issues because of the pattern of alcoholic-self-abuse, so I desperatedly wanted change.
After finishing the University, I've started to use so called psychedelic drugs - Marijuana, LSD, Magic mushroom, Salvia, DMT - and I've changed in a way - but within the core of my being - not really. I was always very unsatisfied with my expressions - I've judged myself and I wanted power to have freedom but something was always in the way what I perceived as I have to fight myself through. I've stopped alcohol, as it was too rude, too raw, too aggressive to my body - and I realized - my body is required to keep myself together - at least for a while - and I did not like the effect of alcohol as it brought the nasty animal from within what I was afraid of in probabilities of unwanted harm of others. So I've changed alcohol to drugs entirely.
The experiences what I went through with LSD for instance - were some sort of 'White Light' experiences what I've felt as some influence and programming without myself being really aware of them - however somehow I was able to experience the 'undefined'. I could not grab anything within my mind and the only thing I was able to repeat 'whats going on?' - after the first impacts of this drug - I experienced some sort of opening up to things - the world, my mind, my desires - but in that time my attention excluded my fears. After some of these experiences - I wanted to find the explanation of these - what I perceived to find within the 'eastern teachings'. The more I did the LSD - the more I was able to armor myself up from the things what made me appear as defensive - and until a point it was cool - but in fact by these drugs I made myself to believe in things what are not physically real. In that time I did not realize this.
With the methods, substances, starting points what I used - time to time (when I experienced loss and fall) I reflected back to my experiences of my perception of "Am I a 'better' person? Still am I 'rigid' and 'closed' and 'powerless'? "- and after some years of fucking myself up with the spiritual agenda and the drugs - I realized that the 'original' issues what I am facing since childhood - these fears, desires - are still within me - and the tools what I was using were incomplete.
Meanwhile I was regularly taking LSD and trying Tibetan mantras and meditations for instance - and I really wanted to believe that this works - so I assumed/asserted that this is the real deal - the Tibetan tantra. So I investigated it and built my life upon these principles. However something was always missing, somehow I was still seeking something, somewhere I always wanted to reach out - because what I experienced was - always flawed, was always hollow. I did not see that myself here I was missing. So then when I had the opportunity, I went to Asia - wherein I hoped and desired to find what Buddha found - I wanted an enormous validation from outside that what I do is that what I have to do.
In this trip, I fucked myself up with a relationship-related mess the second time - and I've closed myself down regarding to women for years. I was unable to handle my situations socially. In India I got sick, I had amoeba and diarrhea what made me really weak - while I was still hoping and desiring great things what I read in books and saw in movies. But nothing happened, even by walking through the 'sacred Buddhist places'(or even at the commonly accepted 'sacred' places such as Great Pyramids, Ang-Kor Wat) I've realized that this is just business - and the ones are keeping these things up and promoting aren't that valid as the 'holy books' refer to. I was disappointed - I saw the whole spiritual agenda as fake. I was very sick, I had no money, I remained alone - in that situation in India - the mantras do not help, the path of enlightenment seemed irrelevant - and in a way I was able to experience reality directly. I've seen extreme poverty and ignorance and commonly accepted child- and animal-abuse what from I was unable to escape because I have no any money. I realized that I was fucking around for years with my given abilities simply for my entertainment and justifications to not do something within the world.
After coming back from the east - I felt everything what I built up was invalid, I was still busy with desperately looking for an answer on the Internet. I've tried many things with great ease already - shamanism, zen, buddhism, music, painting, make myself busy with sacred geometry, conspiracies, reptilian agenda, egyptology, rainbow hippies, sex, porn, trance etc - but as myself was the problem - everything what I've approached was full of shit. Somehow this separation and inner judgment always came back more and more intensely, regardless of my desperate want of stopping them.
My mind as myself one and equal was the boogeyman what I continuously escaped from, fought, chased without any result.
I developed an ability to sit down and 'clear the mirror of the lake of my mind' for a while - but as I stood up from these practices - I automatically was the one who I always was. Somehow all the methods were unsatisfying. I had many friends who were also busy with the enlightenment stuff - some still doing it since long years - and I can notice even now in 2011 that they did not really change within - but they were more 'smooth' in the system but still of the system.
So in that state I've found Desteni around my 28th birthday in 2007. It was some Cross-over interviews through the Portal - maybe Jim Morrison or Merv Griffin or even a Jack interview - but it was very-very-very fascinating.
Oneness And Equality. This two TOGETHER at the first time I've heard and immediately got me. I kept myself all of the watching the interviews and Desteni videos - then I went to the http://desteni.co.za
where I found the FAQ, the Structural Resonances documents, the other articles, found about Bernard, Sunette, Esteni, Andrea and about 2007 October I've joined the Desteni Open Forum. The assistance what I got was always simple and direct - I asked about the Tibetan stuff and Jack had the answer that Talamon, you keep read the material and you will find out everything by yourself.
I've found the explanation of Process, Self-Forgiveness, Self-Honesty, Writing - and I had some direct shit within me what I've defined as 'I was unable to forgive to myself' - so I started on those, and I was able to stand up for the event of 'once I did hit my dog with a stick because I was fucked up' and the other one what bugged me was once 'I did hurt my girlfriend hard because I was angry'. I wrote about these, I wrote self-forgiveness, paper after paper I've filled with writing and I had the direct Self-reflection of I am changing! After that what made my all doubts gone was the Tree of Life of Talamon video interview. After that I've realized my physical location and responsibility and I've pledged myself to the Process of Manifesting Heaven on Earth until it's done. I am walking in the Matrix to script up and accumulate influence and power within and as the system to take direct responsibility what we have accepted and allowed to manifest and STOP.
I realized that my mind I've accumulated with the continuous participation through thought, feelings and emotions - what I must stop participate within and let go of any Self-definition and Express the Living Word as the Physical.
I realized all who and what I perceived myself to be, the occupations, the likes and dislikes, fears, desires, possessions, obsessions - I must understand, forgive, stop, let go and release to birth myself at the first time.
At Desteni, the people are always ready to assist and support - and if one's approach is infected with Self-definition of perceived separation - then the Desteni guys are simply pointing out the self-dishonesty within one's approach. Then the person's decision where to stand - but what I've found very cool is that if one is not changing, but still speaking shit - then for everyone's sake - banning is applied to show what we do not accept within our reality.
Why I stand with and for Equal-Money and World-Equality?
I came from a poor family where people had to do things what were abuse against life, against their body - in order to get the money to sustain shelter, food for the children for instance. I remember endless argues by the grownups around me - about not enough money, about wasting money, about illegal things to make money, even by harming others to get money - and I was in the middle of this resonant war for surviving - while at school I've noticed that others have clothes, toys, tools what my family never could afford. I've noticed that by my learning abilities - teachers exceptionally handle me like jewelery among others - but for instance my bench-mate was in a way rejected in the school, just because he was unable to learn specific parts of history or math. I always felt extreme limitation within my expressions because I could not afford to have a great computer or a camera while others had these and they even could not use them. It was very hard to understand why money is determining what can I do and not my abilities. I hated money, I hated my family and I hated the government, the system, humanity, even sometimes the whole existence.
By walking on Earth - I noticed that many people are living within poverty and ignorance. For long-long years it was very disturbing to me to face poverty and ignorance of it - but with the spiritual agenda(karma) I armored myself with the idea of elitism that some have more than others(aka Orwell's Animal Farm). By investigating the system - for instance walking in Cambodia, India, Egypt etc - I realized that these countries are exploited for some small group's interest - by Currency, by Military, by Media.
I've seen space-station-like high-technology skyscrapers built near slums wherein children are walking beggar skeletons - and I was unable to find any excuse within myself why should I accept this within my reality.
I've seen children doing things for coins what I never could accept as 'normal' - I've faced with child-labor, child-prostitution, extreme animal-abuse and I was disgusted from Humanity and I desperately wanted to end this but at some point I always realized - without money - I am unable to do anything within the already manifested Human Money System.
While I was unable to deal with my self-dishonest issues - as I mentioned - I was always frustrated to face poverty and abuse - because I felt myself as powerless, separated from the issue by the money point - yet I was aware of that the abused beings are in fact me - and by the continuous acceptance I was extremely irritated - what I only could suppress and divert my attention from within myself with occupation of entertainment, desires, drugs etc - but as I stopped with the act of diversion - I always faced again with the fact that Earth is not really a pleasant place, even can be called as 'hell' for at least 1/3 of the population. I started to question my continuous occupation within entertainment and desires what always cost me certain amounts of money - is this toy really important for me while others has no money to have medicine for surviving infection?
I also wanted to learn and express music and filming - and I've found that the instruments costs a lot - and I wanted to express my sound and visual perception through the instruments - for long years I used the lack of money as excuse - and blaming the system - but by that I felt myself more and more powerless. I resonantly hated everyone who I perceived as 'rich' - and at the other part of this polarity - I wanted to become rich as well.
My only chance was to place and position myself within the system wherein I can get a decent salary with what I can start to assist myself to educate and sort myself out from the powerlessness at least to be able to comprehend what the fuck is going on here and why.
With Desteni sharing - Oneness and Equality as the basic principle within and as everything - I started to understand the system as myself. I understood that by stepping out from the money system - I do not have influence within it - yet it is still determining me because I still have to eat, I still have to buy.
I've found that I have a strong tendency to want to assist and support children in this Earth - regardless of anything - because in a way I am a child, I can have a some sort of 'compassion' with the poor fuckers who have nothing but endless suffering. It is not fair.
I understand the mathematical equation of 1+1=2 - with what individuals can accumulate impact within the system - and as a group - we are able to position ourselves into constant application wherein we can Stand as Principle of 'What is Best for All'.
I realized how the current money system is abusing in the interest of greed and fear - and I realized that I must be the change within constancy.
When I heard the idea of giving equal amount of money to each newborn - I realized - this could end all family-abuse, all child-exploitation, all wars, all disadvantage by lack of education, by lack of health-care.
I've studied the B.I.G project in Namibia and I am learning how money and banks work, I realized - I can not judge Equal Money System until I never tried at least to work on manifesting it - so there is no excuse anymore - I support Equal Money System.
I stand for a World Equality wherein all can have a dignified life without condition where all beings can work on that noone should suffer because of programmed inequality within the monetary system. I take full responsibility for the existence as myself and starting with and as this Human Physical Body what is being referred as József Berta within the Current Human System.
With promoting and manifesting the Equal Money System - we can dissolve the strong hypnotic vibration of surviving and by sharing common sense - we can reach people who can also realize the current system's fuckedupness and start focusing on sorting out our perception and start living by sharing Life-opportunities for everyone unconditionally. That would mean something as Love.
What I understand to be “Heaven on Earth” is.
Wherein Life is value, not greed, not profit. Wherein we can end wars, poverty, wherein we can support every being to face and sort out Self-dishonesties. Wherein water, food, health-care is for everybody by default.
Heaven on Earth can be started to manifest when each and every single human being is standing within the realization of the Unification of Man as I am, Here within and as the Physical as All as One as Equal within Oneness and Equality.
I could bring up many wild imaginations of heaven for instance not required to eat if one does not want to or instant teleport or flying or materializing things by self-will and continuous and constant Self-Expression for instance sounding and voicing and playing with and as Creation with and as All - but these occupations are dwarfed from the fact that first things first. Until we are unable to support each newborn equally - we must face and deal with the money issue.
We must form a Group of Equals wherein one first must walk through the Eye of the Needle to let go and sort out any influence of Mind Consciousness System. And this group is a place where Self-support is granted - and by re-defining Trust, re-defining Responsibility, re-defining Self within the interest of What is Best for All.
And walking within and as this Group - we expand and share and making sure that we are responsible for the Group as Equal Individuals and we only support Self-honesty and simply rejecting ideas coming from the Mind and only support Life - and making sure that we do not share Equal opportunities with those who are in fact harm for the Group of Equals.
That's why the Eye of the Needle is of Constancy, Consistency within the Act of Self-Honesty - to see who stands within the physical unwaving, unchanging as a stable, constant expression of 'I stand for World Equality'.
Trust must be earned within the interest of what is Best for All.
10 Videos that you like the most / had the most impact on you
Gurdjieff: Why man must Unify
SRA Structural Resonance Alignment Research Desteni Talamon
Self Perfection while in a Limited Body and limited reality is Possible
Moments, Self Management and Osho
HOM - 103 Locating Your POWER
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNEoVyz7 ... h_response
HOM 104 Locating Your SILENCE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFJxxcce ... DBEEEA0DF6
Waking Up and Becoming Aware of the Mind in Process Support
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTa596uX ... ture=email
Writing yourself to freedom
SELF FORGIVENESS as LIFE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNhfkz7A ... re=related
1 The Matrix of Self-Perfection