Hey there.. I don't really know what I am doing here but I'd like to try and find out. You've all written long and great introductions, I'll try to do the same but I don't think I can answer the same questions about Desteni as you do. I don't know what Desteni is, I don't know what Desteni does, yet, still I am here.
Where to begin.. I could tell you about my childhood, about my young years, about where I am now..
I was born into a religious family, something called the Hare Krishna. I was lead into religious doctrine from early on.. as most often the case in secluded groups, it was "we" against "them", the religious group I "belonged" to against the rest of those who walked the "wrong path". I didn't see it like that at that time as I was only a child yet I was still programmed to believe we were living the right way and everyone else were lost souls.. we left Hare Krishna when I was 8 and moved to a big city, before that I'd been growing up on the countryside in a society of its own.
There I came to realizations about myself and the world as I perceived it, I made new friends, they were "normal" people, not different like I was (Put in my new environment, I suddenly became the different one, not them) and yet they lived, as I perceived it, good lives. I saw that my friends were happy, had fun and enjoyed themselves even though they didn't believe in my God, even though they didn't follow the same philosophies and doctrines I grew up with. I felt tricked. I was mad at my parents for making me believe something that was false, I was mad because I had been taught that WE were living the right way, the 'good' way and everyone else were not, yet my friends were just as happy as I was. They lived even better lives by materialistic standards. I felt so tricked by my parents, by society and by God. When I was 10 years old I swore to God that I would not believe in him, that all religion was false and no one could trick me into believe something like that again.
The following years were spent as most kids in the west, school, puberty, friends, video games, I didn't really think of my childhood. It was something I was ashamed of and despised so I hid it within myself. As I become older I had built many walls and grew more insecure, my self esteem was very low, I felt different. Those "important" years when all those new and exciting discoveries are made (alcohol, partying.. sex) I spent mostly for myself. By social standards I was a so called late bloomer. The same discoveries my friends made I first made a few years later, combine that with an already low self esteem and.. yeah, I felt worse. I felt miserable. I decided to change.
When I was around 17 or so I said enough. I was social, I had friends, but I wasn't myself. All my behaviors were a result of trying to fit into social groups, the words I spoke weren't really mine, they were the groups. I wanted to find myself, be myself.
I started facing my fears and explore the depths of within. I asked questions about myself, who am I, what am I, what can I become, what do I want? and so on.. My adventures began here. I broke down some of the walls I had built before, I gained wisdom.. I started to find things. Or rather, things started to find me.
I stumbled upon books like 'The Secret' and 'The Alchemist' .. I started discovering a spirituality I had not known before. My early years had me despise religion and 'God' but this was not the same. I slowly gained a new understanding of God and the world we live in. Things that are there regardless of religion. Somehow, it all felt genuine, it was like a veil was being lifted. People started to enter my life when I needed them, people that taught me something I needed to know there and now.
On New Year's eve 2008.. entering 2009, I met a girl who changed my life. Until then it felt as if I was alone with the things I knew, no one else seemed to have the same understanding, but she understood and, for the first time, knew more than me. She became the 'key' that unlocked me, I started to change after that. Slowly, unconsciously.. but change was there.
I read more books and made new discoveries about the world and myself at a deeper level, stumbling upon so many seemingly different and un-related things yet found that they were in common. I found myself helping people with emotional problems, and actually being able to give advice and help them.. All my years of low self-esteem have given me deep knowledge about emotions and human behavior. Even though it was living hell back then, I'm thankful for it now. I wouldn't be able to write these things if it weren't for those years left alone in darkness. Break up the word alone and you see we're actually not really alone.. we're all-one. It's ironic that it takes being alone to understand that you're not haha.
I've also stumbled upon a very dark world, the tradition of mysticism and magic.. demons, negative astral entities and so on.. I do not like how they influence our world.. I wish they could all be washed away with light.
I am 20 years old now, turning 21. The years from then up until now have been some of the most interesting, heaviest and re-defining so far. I feel so old.. even though I'm hardly adult. I know my call is to help people somehow.. I guess that's why I am here, to gain more knowledge that I can share with others.
Those of you who read all of this, thank you for hearing me out.
Right now a person very dear to my needs to learn self-forgiveness but I don't know how I can help her.. no matter how much I try, I can't really reach her. She's carrying overwhelmingly negativity right now.. I haven't started looking around here yet, and 2200+ videos is a lot.. Does anyone know where I can find some information? I'd like to learn as much as possible so I can help her.
*edit* I didn't know there was a sub-forum for self-forgiveness, I'll look there!
Do what you love - Love what you do