How I got to Desteni
I found Desteni late 2007, and the first clip I saw was the one were Jack was explaining the relation between masturbation and sexual abuse. I was desperately searching for tools that would help me to stop my long addiction to pornography and I was pretty much blown away with this first clip. I was so fascinated and amazed with what I heard and wondered who this young girl speaking which such clarity and common sense was - "how can a young girl like this possess such insight". I was like – "this is it!" - "I have finally found what I have been looking for". I was in tears and crying and wanted to further investigate what I just had been seeing.
I went on to looking at the interviews with Ian Xel Lungold, the leading "expert" on the Mayan calendar, since I was at that time very deep into the Mayan calender and the beliefs surrounding that. Earlier that year I had begun on a “spiritual journey”, a huge mind fuck where I desperately jumped from one belief-system to the next – picking up the “good” bits and pieces from the different belief systems – in a search for a reason and purpose outside of myself. I was into the Mayan calendar, Hopi mythology, Buddhism, the Sumerian's, different new age beliefs, crystals, Jesus, light and love – the whole package – and I had begun studying synchronicities between different cultures and mythologies – the Chinese, Sumerian, Egypt and Mayan mythologies for instance – and I thought that I had found something profound and that I was on some kind of great and divine mission and that I was very special and had a particular holy purpose to fulfill – sent out to do something great. I planned seriously to visit the Hopi Indians and the Mayans in Arizona and Mexico for “spiritual guidance”. I filled my head with a bunch of spiritual knowledge that lacked any practical value and I started to see all kinds of synchronicities repeating themselves – words, numbers, names, and I went deeper and deeper into the belief that this was of great significance. It went as far as me seriously believing that I was the great mythological Pahana, The Lost White Brother of the Hopi, having returned to earth to bring forth a new age of peace. When I was about to buy the ticket to Arizona I found Desteni on youtube. Finding Desteni saved me from going deeper into this mind fuck and pretty quickly I started to see what the fuck I was participating in – namely that I was desperately trying to flee from myself responsibility, the physical reality and the fuckedness that I had both accepted and allowed myself to exist as and the fuckedness of the outer reality which I at that point didn't see and realize was a direct reflection of who I was on the inside.
Pretty fast I realized that there was a huge amount of self-responsibility required and that I had to will and push myself and walk this process alone – and I reacted with spitefulness and fear and stopped watching the clips and reading the material for like a month. But in the back of my mind I couldn't let go of the message, so I came back and started to participate within Desteni and eventually started to apply the tools presented and I realized that I was able to transcend anything of the mind as patterns, beliefs, definitions. What was fascinating was that the spiritual beliefs that possessed me to such a degree could be dissolved in an instant, in one single moment. In one breath I realized that I was here within and as the physical reality responsible for everything that was manifested here.
Why I found it Desteni different from everything else I had come across, was the straight forward and blunt approach and that they weren’t out to make you feel happy, blissful and good about myself. They weren't aiming to please me or tell me what I wanted to hear. Quite the other way around, it was the raw, unfiltered and brutal truth and it hurt, it ached, it unveiled the true nature of myself and the humankind – and there was nothing magic, beautiful or holy about it. I had finally access to tools that enabled me to stop myself from existing as a clone of my parents and a slave to my programming. I had finally found a group dedicated to sort out the mess of this world that I had separated myself from and accepted as “unchangeable”.
In my 3 years participating and walking with Desteni i have learned more of practical actual value than I have learned in almost 30 years. With Self-Honesty and Self-Forgiveness I have been able to investigate how I have created the personality which I used to believe was 'who I am' and was 'set in stone', and deprogram myself from all that which hinders and limits me from being Here within and as the physical to correct and re-align myself in accordance with what is best for all. Since applying the tools of Desteni I have for instance been able to stop Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, alcohol- and pornography addiction/abuse – and push myself beyond my perceived limits just to realize that they're not real, instead of being possessed with and consumed by metaphysical systems that lack any form of physical substance.
I am Walking with Desteni til it's done.