Hi

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Lucysprocess
Posts: 19
Joined: 17 Jul 2014, 02:49

Hi

Post by Lucysprocess »

I first joined Desteni's forums when I was 17, but I believe I first found out about Desteni when I was 14. I appreciated their message but I couldn't quite grasp it. I found some 'contradictions', the main one being that one video said it was ok to eat meat while another said it hurts animals. As I was vegan I did not want to eat meat and so 'shunned' Desteni for that one point instead of looking further into their perspective. I realise now that was incredibly egotistical of me and if I had looked more into their message I would have joined them when I was 14. Instead, I searched elsewhere for answers, and found http://www.xeeatwelve.com/ , which I read on and off for a while, as well as Desteni articles here and there. I got into conspiracy theories and David Icke, and I was torn between what to believe and what not to believe. I guess the 'love' and 'light' trap caught me, as I preferred to live in a state of happiness rather than sadness. However, I've always been sensitive to what's going on in the world. I went vegetarian after watching videos of dolphins being killed when I was 12 or 13, then vegan at 14 after reading a leaflet. I spent a lot of time crying over everything and wishing the world would change, but I know now that that didn't help anyone, I just wish I'd realised it sooner. When I was 17, I felt something weird to me: a kind of apathy towards a dead wasp in my sink. It disturbed me because usually I'd be very upset over such a thing. So I got it in my head that I needed to find out answers as to why I felt that way. I wish so much that at this point I had thought of and gone to Desteni. Instead, I went on http://www.xeeatwelve.com/ and spent a long time reading their articles. I grew more and more disturbed and scared by what I read, and ended up having a very long panic attack. After a couple of days of panicking, I was on youtube and came across a Desteni video. It contradicted what http://www.xeeatwelve.com/ said, and all of a sudden everything made sense, and I was so scared that Sunette knew everything about me not following Desteni. I was really ashamed, and so when I joined Desteni I came across as selfish and egotistical. I wanted reassurance that everything was going to be ok. I wish now that I had waited before posting and calmed down first, as videos I saw by Bernard later on scared me, and made me believe for a very long time that I was evil. I understand now that it was my fears and insecurities which made me feel this way, but between 17 and now, 21, I have not had a nice time, and did not know who to blame. I took drugs, ended up in psychiatric hospitals, lost most of my friends. My biggest fear has been since the day I first posted on the forums that Desteni would reject me, though a couple of years ago I did rejoin the forums, but wasn't fully settled and very much feared Desteni's judgement of me. I have now worked up enough courage to join you again. I have started the DIP lite course, and after will do the DIP pro one. I'm really excited to participate in Desteni, promote the EMS, and make friends who I hope will understand me. Please forgive me for not being with you fully until now, as I know I will have to forgive myself, and thank you for all the work you do.

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Anna
Posts: 3726
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Hi

Post by Anna »

Hi Lucy!

Very glad that you're back - good to see you.

Did you watch this video by Lilly?

Lilly - Being Vegetarian or Vegan

Here on the forum you can share yourself through writing, there are several sections you can post in. You can start your own thread in Writing yourself to freedom or in Sharing self forgiveness. We also walk the7 years journey to life process where we write consistently and count the days.

You can start a blog and join us on this journey whenever you're ready.

I also suggest checking out Eqafe. This is the hub where all new interviews are placed and there are many new interviews added every week.

Please also have a look at the guidelines for participating on the forum.

If there are any questions feel free and ask.

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Lucysprocess
Posts: 19
Joined: 17 Jul 2014, 02:49

Re: Hi

Post by Lucysprocess »

Hi Anna, thanks very much.

I'll check out the video. I've made a tumblr and blogger account for my 7 year journey to life, which I will start when I finish the DIP lite course and start the DIP pro one. Here are the links: http://lucysprocess.blogspot.co.uk/ http://lucysprocess.tumblr.com/

I've been looking at Eqafe and have downloaded some free interviews. I'll be buying some very soon as well.

I'll check out the forum guidelines, thank you.

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Anna
Posts: 3726
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Hi

Post by Anna »

Awesome!

Enjoy the forum.

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Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Hi

Post by Carrie »

Hey Lucy. Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your process thus far.
I was so scared that Sunette knew everything about me not following Desteni. I was really ashamed, and so when I joined Desteni I came across as selfish and egotistical. I wanted reassurance that everything was going to be ok. I wish now that I had waited before posting and calmed down first, as videos I saw by Bernard later on scared me, and made me believe for a very long time that I was evil.
I remember when I was about two weeks into watching the Desteni material when I came to an interview by Bernard that shook me and I became so agitated that I walked away from the material for a short time and instead focused on other research within which I could have an experience of myself being positive, special, and hopeful - I found the David Icke and Galactic Federation of Light stuff supportive for this wanting to be and be a part of something greater and magnificent but that is all as it turned out to be another dead end. As for another knowing everything about you, understand that we've been programmed to believe that there is a greater force outside of us that knows everything that we do or knows all the thoughts we have and that we're being watched which is really interesting because the only one that is actually watching every detail of who and what you are and what you do is YOU.

COOL that you're taking the DIP Lite course! Enjoy!
Glad you're here.

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Anna
Posts: 3726
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Hi

Post by Anna »

lol cool Carrie. I can also relate to that but for me I spent a year searching on Youtube videos for some 'vibrational-frequency-DNA-ascension' and I kept seeing these videos with this girl with blond hair popping up with titles about reptilians. I didn't click on them until a year later and boy have I regretted it later lol.

But it doesn't really matter when you got here or how you got here or how many times you've been back and forth. What matters is that you're Here.

Marlen
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:16
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Re: Hi

Post by Marlen »

Hi Lucy! glad you've made it here at last which means you had to go through those points that initially made you want to step aside from working on yourself until you realized that it is somehow inevitable to see that 'the answers' are in fact within each one of us, changing ourselves, taking self responsibility and so supporting each other here and others that might be in similar situations as you have.

I can for sure as Carrie and Anna have shared relate to being 'seeking for answers' in various spots and neglecting Desteni for some 3 months until I decided to 'give it a go' and it blew my mind and from that moment on, it's not an 'easy' thing to do but definitely worthwhile when understanding how this is about living the Enough is Enough statement about everything that is wrong within and without of ourselves.

So, glad to see that you're already walking DIP Lite and looking forward on continuing your process. So once you start posting on your blog, you can also share your writings in the 7 Year Journey to Life thread so that you can get feedback/perspectives if necessary as well.

Enjoy being here and cool for walking with supporting yourself and others as well.

Looking forward to read more from you

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Lucysprocess
Posts: 19
Joined: 17 Jul 2014, 02:49

Re: Hi

Post by Lucysprocess »

Thank you so much for the welcomes everyone. Honestly all I've wanted since being 17 was to be a part of Desteni, I was just so scared of being rejected or judged, which I know was just me fearing myself. I've been through a lot emotionally and I'm not sure if it's helped me or hindered me in the long term, since I have learned a lot but I wonder if I could have just come to the same conclusions when I was 17 if I had just joined Desteni instead of fearing myself and judgement, etc. But I'm very grateful to be here now, and I will do everything I can to unravel myself and do what's best for all. I've always felt guilty for having more than others but now instead of wallowing I'm going to do something about it. I really look forward to being friends with you all, and thank you again for your welcomes

Marlen
Posts: 4355
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:16
Contact:

Re: Hi

Post by Marlen »

Lucysprocess wrote:Thank you so much for the welcomes everyone. Honestly all I've wanted since being 17 was to be a part of Desteni, I was just so scared of being rejected or judged, which I know was just me fearing myself. I've been through a lot emotionally and I'm not sure if it's helped me or hindered me in the long term, since I have learned a lot but I wonder if I could have just come to the same conclusions when I was 17 if I had just joined Desteni instead of fearing myself and judgement, etc. But I'm very grateful to be here now, and I will do everything I can to unravel myself and do what's best for all. I've always felt guilty for having more than others but now instead of wallowing I'm going to do something about it. I really look forward to being friends with you all, and thank you again for your welcomes

Yes, it takes courage to walk this process and so you can investigate what do I actually fear by supporting my self? Why do I fear being rejected? By who and what do I fear losing of myself if I start to support myself to become self-honest? I share here the blog entry I wrote on that http://wp.me/p1IIrR-13E

Another point I suggest looking at is not blaming yourself or feeling guilty for not being here before. Whatever you went through is the past and as such, we can only focus on who we are/what we decide to do for ourselves from here on. Being emotional is a point of self definition, meaning: it's who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become, so it's one of the points we work with throughout this process so that one no longer sees the world with the fear of hurting/harming it or feeling sad/shameful about others, but rather focus on supporting ourselves as individuals and so stand up, and walk through this process to become the solution we have been 'waiting for.'

So here we support each other to walk our own process, to get to know ourselves as our mind, to learn from each other in this process and so realize that change can only come if we decide to live it ourselves, we cannot 'save the world' or continue to feel guilty/bad/sad for all the abuse - only self-responsibility and the commitment to be a +1 point of solution is what matters here, and to be a solution: no emotions, feelings ar required, only the direct consistency and determination to live this process as who you are, as your decision to stand up and change from here on.


Welcome to walking this for yourself, and do share as you go here

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Rozelle de Lange
Posts: 650
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 14:04

Re: Hi

Post by Rozelle de Lange »

AWESOME Lucy!.

Glad to have you here and enjoy walking your process of self-discovery and self-expansion here.

Looking forward to reading more of you.

Enjoy!

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