Hey everyone, I found this forum yesterday as I was surfing through internet about porn addictions. I read a few things on the forum and thought No I dont need this I can do it by myself. I have been walking for 2,5 months through France, Spain. I am home now for a week and yesterday night lost control again and I watched porn.
Fack Fack Fack. So I do need help from others. I am trying to get away from porn now for almost a year. I have periods when it works and periods when I fall back.
I meditate and have a daily rhythm which keeps me focussed. Yesterday I had to drive long and came home very late, I was weak and tired and then it took me over. Still have this girl in my mind that I watched. She's so hot (in my polluted mind).
I need help. Its messing me up. I want to have control. I am still a slave of my enslaved dick.
I tried many things. having a rhythm, do meditation, eat healthy, do yoga, these things really help. It makes me love myself. So its first taking care for yourself and then you begin to love yourself if you loath yourself.
I will read some thread on this forum to get more understanding about how this deeply integrated manipulated seducing something in my system works.
Thank you all for being here.
Hi Nick, glad you found this forum and realizing: yes it's best when any point of change is done with another/others as reference and from my own experiences, group support is the one reason I am here for and contributing whenever I am able to in order to continue 'passing it forward' based on the support I've gotten here to take real decisions in my life with which I have literally saved my ass from being enrolled in various not very constructive aspects of reality that I was getting involved with before deciding to walk this process.
So, it would be cool if Talamon can share his experience of having walked through that Santiago de Compostela road trip/walking that he did in Spain because I remember it also had like a 'deep' impact and he would mention it a lot at the beginning of his process or some 7 years ago, but then he has realized much more beyond having to do these kind of trips and things to get to realize what he has to change - and from my perspective it does seem like having done that did no-thing to you being able to stop your porn addiction for example, because what happens is that as long as we don't understand our mind, it becomes very difficult to change, because we believe that we 'fall' for the experience instead of realizing and understanding how we program the desire, the need, the want in our minds and so once it is so automated, it takes absolute self will to stop giving into it, feeding it which is when we perceive we 'fall' but it's not a fall, it is just a decision to not want to give up the experience such as the one that you keep feeding when imagining the person and believing it is real and getting an energetic experience out of it toward which you get addicted to. A lot of what you'll read and find in this forum is about understanding this point of addiction to energy, to the thoughts, feelings, emotions in our minds - whether we tag them as 'negative' or positive' same thing.
So it's not your dick that's the problem, it's not masturbation that's the problem, it is who we are within doing so that's the problem, the images of other people we have to have in our minds to get 'satisfaction' which is quite mental in the full sense of the word and it certainly takes a process to 'debunk' since here you have to go understanding how we have come to attach a GOOD feeling to the image of certain people, how we come to be enslaved by our desire for such experience instead of realizing our ability to physically express with ourselves without the need for such 'crutches.' But! Then, you also have the environmental/cultural imprinting that it is 'ok' to watch porn and what do we got now? Many, many, many people going through the exact same point you are right now, and the more we make of it a 'battle' the worse it becomes.
Here we mostly learn how to decide to stop an addiction based on stopping the belief that 'we need it' or just doing something because 'we can' - it does involve a form of 'giving it up' or 'sacrifice' but not really a form of sacrifice since it is removing a rather destructive pattern - as you've seen and confirmed here - to get to a point of stability, because I mean: no one really wants to be enslaved by something that is consuming you and your ability to even have a proper ability to sexually express, because porn eventually does fuck with yourself/your mind and so with real-relationships. Therefore, a definitively necessary point to consider here is working on identifying the experience: the excitement/pleasure/exhileration/control/power that might be created through that participation in porn and being willing to stop it, release it through not feeding it/not participating it and letting it go.
There's no other way to that and the same applies to any other self-destructive pattern, we only continue feeding it because it is in our 'mind-nature' to self-destruct, sabotage and ruin our ability to change. So that's how there are very specific tools of self-support here to learn how to make decisions from a self-willed and self-informed starting point, rather than continuing to battle within the same ego/mind-frame within which we created the problem - and to learn how to identify the difference between our ego/mind and who we really are as the person we can be, we walk this process of writing, applying self.forgiveness, sharing, cross referencing each other, testing out practical ways to change and sharing them, as that's how we also not only focus on 'one's own change' but also on supporting each other to change for the best we can become, which is so needed in this world right now where no solutions are usually seen or shared.
So, cool you are here, feel free to share more about yourself, what you struggle, which plans of action you have to change and definitely suggest to start writing as well and sharing here as that's what is also supportive, to reference ourselves as our own minds and not get lost all alone trying to find pieces to a puzzle that others might have already walked effectively, and you can for sure read more about it here in the forum.
Enjoy sharing and looking forward to read more from you