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Gregor Podgorelec
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Joined: 23 Jan 2017, 14:54

Hi everyone!

Post by Gregor Podgorelec »

Hi everyone!

So, first of all, my name is Gregor Podgorelec and I was born in March 15. 1990 in Slovenia (which was still part of Yugoslavia back then) and I have finally decided to introduce myself and share a bit about myself here on the forum (which I now that I have written it realized that it is quite a bit, lol).

So, I found desteni in mid 2008 and to me the message was really commonsensical and made a lot more sense that the other stuff I was investigating at the time (which was things like spirituality, aliens, UFOs, various conspiracy theories) and I every day watched pretty much every video that was released on the desteni channel from that point on.

But that year something not so good happened. I was hospitalized in a mental hospital after roaming around for about a week in the city in which I was going to high school and I had intense experiences of thoughts and emotions of anger based on the social situation I was in and I eventually had a burnout or a mental breakdown from all these intense inner experiences. At that time I also created the idea that I could influence others in my mind, which is something that I would take to a whole other level the year that followed.

So, my experience in the mental hospital was not very pleasant. The first day I was there I refused to take the pills they gave me and I was then forced on to a bed I got a shot in my as and then they tied me onto the bed in which I stayed till the next day. Being there for me felt like being in a prison without knowing how long I have to stay there which was quite terrifying to me and I had quite strong suicidal thoughts of throwing myself out of a window which is the first time I really considered committing suicide.

But I eventually I got released after about two or three weeks of being there I think and the social situation in my life calmed down and my life was a lot less stressful and hectic and in that year I also finished the last year of high school and graduated and also had I think three times during that year an experience that I would later come to know as “resonant mind possessions”.

Then about a year after, in mid 2009, which many of you probably remember, Bernard said (if I remember correctly, please don't quote me) that there is going to be a new type of demons taking over the earth and cause the destruction and end of this world and that each one of us is going to end up for eternity in darkness alone so that we cannot hurt or cause harm to each other anymore. And I now see that the attitude I had toward life back then why that would in a way be necessary because I saw in me that I was not really walking process but just saying to myself that if I die I will just reincarnate and so I have infinite time and chances and so I wasn't really taking any responsibility or really caring for anything or anyone.

But that point of ending up for eternity alone in darkness created a lot of fear in me and then I looked ad the point of oneness and equality, but more specifically oneness and I thought that if I am one with everything then everything is me and so I thought that I can control everything and everyone. Which what I then did was creating the perception that I can influence others with my mind (like I perceived I did a year before but now taking it like I said to a whole other level) by taking things completely out of context and believing that I am the cause of specific peoples behavior and can control and influence others with my mind. And eventually the control I had of the experience was gone and then I entered an era in my life of non stop mind possessions which happened roughly abut every four days within which I still believed that I am the cause of things happening within others but now only things that I have seen as negative and bad and fearful which was for instance causing death of people or harm or fear or negative self experiences and I was not being able to step out of this experience I had for sometimes up to five hours in which I was sometimes shaking in fear because of the stuff that was happening in my mind. And it was real mental torment which still continues till this that but with different content, which I'll get to.

And after about a month of this mental torment and after again taking the prescribed pills I took before without them having any effect I then went again to the mental hospital I was in before but this time voluntarily because I didn't know anymore what to do with me and my inner experience.

And there they tested a lot of drugs on me which some of them were really detrimental where I after taking them for a week or two I voluntarily went back to the closed section of the hospital because I couldn't handle what went on in me any more which were the same pills that my psychiatrist prescribed to me again in 2013, but I get to that later, and after about a month of being back home after leaving the hospital I had gained quite a grip on my inner experience and I was possessed only two times and that only very subtly till I went again to a appointment with my psychiatrist and she took away the sedative I was taking every day with the other pills for the past month, and then, guess what, the possessions recurred again with their full strength and quantity. But then over the years they lessened in strength and quantity, well sometimes there still were strong and I remember once being possessed for three days in a row but generally things were slowly improving.

But then the appointment in 2013 that I mentioned happened where my psychiatrist decided to change the pills I was taking which I have taken only a very small dosage of and replaced them with the same pills that had detrimental effects on me in the past because even thought the situation improved quite a bit I still had these possessions now and then and so she said that we are going to try something new.

So, after about two weeks of taking them (which I didn't know that they were the same pills I took in the past) and them again starting to show detrimental effects on my inner reality I had a mental breakdown where I because of believing that I caused something in another person that I defined as very bad and with the effect of this pills that seemingly intensified this inner experience I created the idea that I am the biggest evil that ever existed (because all of this time since 2009 believing that I can cause others to experience themselves a certain mostly negative way) and I for a whole day cried and had thoughts in my mind like “life why have you forsaken me?!” and “Bernard why have you forsaken me?!” and trying to figure out how I have become this evil that I at that time believed I was, till on the second day my mother and stepfather took me, with me still crying, to the mental hospital again, where I signed the papers and stayed there for about two weeks. And this experience brought me to the lowest point ever in my life where I thought that I cannot get lower and I remember that I couldn't even solve a 4x4 sudoku or form sentences correctly in really destroyed me and I was extremely paranoid and the diagnose was paranoid schizophrenia and I remember not being able to sit because of all the shots I got into my ass. But I got released very quickly based on my wish to go home because my psychiatrist knew what she did and that I probably could sue her. And I stayed in this negative paranoid mental experience for the next 15 months and it felt like a constant mind possession in the beginning.

And that was about the time the paranoia series started on Creations journey to life blogs and I remember Sunette doing some videos related to that for Heavens journey to life which at the time was like made for me because I could see myself almost completely in those blogs and videos and I also created the belief that maybe I was the inspiration for that.

And then eventually in I think in September of 2013 I signed up for the DIP lite course after pushing through the resistance because I at the time saw my life and how I was walking my process as a complete failure and I needed to change that. During the course my buddy assisted me to realize that the idea that I could influence other with my mind (which I termed god consciousness) was a illusion/delusion and I learned the basic tools how to assist myself which I still use and apply to this day. I also in a way wish that I could do the course again as I didn't make full use of the opportunity I actually had as another person who has already walked quite a process which was my buddy to ask for assistance as much as I could and actually needed but I was mostly concerned to get confirmation that I am not a complete failure which for me was by getting my assignments approved and everything running smoothly and I was still stuck in the point of self image and so I wasn't always self honest because of what went on in me not matching that image that I had and wanted to have of myself.

And all of this brings me to here and now. I can say that using the tools I have learned from desteni and destonians and all the support via blogs, videos and hangouts had a profound effect on me and my life and I have changed tremendously over the past few years since I started walking my process more seriously to the point where I can say that am a completely different person than who I was say three years ago or even a year or a moth ago and I really appreciate all the support I received over the years, directly or indirectly, from everyone walking their process. So I really appreciate everyone for all their support.

And this brings me to the whole point I am making this post today, which is my mind still getting the best of me which comes through in the form of mind possessions still even thought I have all this support available. I have through time found some methods to stop or reduce them but not for a long period of time. What has worked in the past was what my DIP lite buddy suggested as just breathing till the energy dissipated, which worked the first couple of times but then the mind got stronger than my breathing, another thing was playing phone games where I got absorbed by the game and the possession stopped after about ten minutes, but that wore of after a couple of times doing it, another thing that happened one time is my mother coming to my room frustrated because I always tell her to come to my room when I'm possessed (which she really dreads by now as the possessions can last up to six hours) because of diverting my attention away from my mind, was we went into an argument and after five minutes into the argument I felt okay again and the possessive energy was gone. Two times I managed to get out of a possession with self forgiveness which most of the time releases the energy or part of it but often my mind and thoughts are stronger. So, what I found works is generally anything that puts my attention out and away from the mind and toward something else or doing self forgiveness which is sometimes very difficult as a possession is quite a mental ride, or something that slows down the mind like sedatives which worked in the past and still works today. The other pills I take are pretty useless which I would have stopped taking a long time ago but after taking them for so long I am pretty dependent on them (dependent just being another word for addicted) and the withdrawal effects that that would cause could be quite detrimental because many people commit suicide because of them.

And to give you an example of a possession, it starts by reacting emotionally to something often myself because of something that went on in my mind that I judged as bad or negative an then not wanting to look at it because of the emotions it triggers in me and then the mind gets energized and I start to have thoughts where I take things out of context and then me not knowing in what context something is and I have two things in my head and not knowing which one it is which mostly ends up creating more inner turmoil and further fueling the possession and then I go into absolutes of many times saying: “I know nothing” or “I know everything” (regarding what happened or is happening in my mind because I in a way don't want to look at it but then think I must), or: “nothing matters” and then saying: “everything matters” (because of creating a fear toward saying that nothing matters because I have defined it as abusive to say that), and then that “no means yes” and “yes means no” and it goes on and on where I have in the past few possessions brought myself to such a point where I felt cornered and didn't know how to end this experience and I didn't see way out anymore as I didn't know in which context anything is anymore I forgot what happened or what I or others said after about two seconds so if I tried to do self forgiveness for the points I couldn't, because I forgot what had happened and that triggered even more reactions within me and there are questions in my mind about things that is saw that they happened but then questions start popping up in my mind such as “did that really happen” and “are you sure” and and “maybe its not true” which create even more internal turmoil within me because they just don't stop and I feel that I cannot trust anything within me anymore and it often goes to absurds like what someone has said exactly in the voice tonality and pacing and then not being sure if I remembered it the right way and looking at what time it is and then not knowing exactly to the millisecond and beyond and if it is the time that the person asked me what time it is, or when I say it and also exactly to the nanosecond, the exact time, you see it goes to absurds and also saying within me “i am here” which is sometimes supportive but then the mind comes up with the reasoning that because I said it in my mind that I am not here but thinking and then that triggering more thoughts and reactions within me to which I then react the same way so its like a vicious cycle. And in the past few possessions, in previous possessions also but in the past few a fear emerged of what if I kill myself and then then the whole thing of I won't kill myself and then the whole thing that “no means yes” and then saying out of reaction that I will and then thinking and fearing that I actually will and in one of these past few possessions I actually said to my mother that I don't see a way out anymore and I'm certainly not going to the mental hospital again as that wont solve anything and I have no interest to be a lab at for someone because to me it is proven that the pills are useless, so no thank you, and I actually went and took a knife but I still knew that that solves nothing and then put it away just as my mother and stepfather wanted to take it out my hand. And I got to the same point in the possession that followed that one, which was on the 17. of January, but not physically of taking a knife in my hand just experiencing a force within me that pulled me there but I then rather took another dose of sedatives and the possession stopped after a while.

And so I got to a point after the second time of such a possession that I believed that cannot trust myself and I feared what may happen if I really take myself to that point again and then the next day on Wednesday the 18. of January Cerise and Joe posted a video that described exactly what I have experienced which was the felling that I should just give up and its pointless and inevitably I'm going to end up at the same place and I'm never going to make it and they said that I should reach out and so this post is in a way my way of reaching out and asking if I could get some assistance on this point of mind possessions.

And so then a day after the video I watched by Cerise and Joe (and I must say that I find the videos very supportive and also entertaining a lot of the time, so please keep on making them) I looked at a point which was that I don't need the mind as the body is the functioning tool as Bernard said once which brought quite some stability, as my experience lately was that of unsettledness and unrest within me that was caused by my constant thoughts that kept recurring within me with the reasoning that I cannot just be here and breathe and let go of the mind because the mind wont go anywhere and I must resolve it and so that created a lot of thinking within me and also what was supportive for me lately me was dropping the judgments that I had of others and of me as I realized a while ago but now starting to live the realization that judgment is pure ignorance as if one understands something there is no need of judgment as one can rather support others and oneself when one understands self and others and also realizing that the judgments I have of others is not an accurate depiction of them and also the other way around. but the fear still exits in me of how far my mind possessions can potentially go and that they might really drive me to the point of really doing something to myself.

So, any suggestion on how to solve or anything that would contribute to a solution for my mind possessions is very welcome. I have also decided to deposit some money that I have at home (which is unfortunately not much at the moment) to my bank account and purchase a private interview request on EQAFE and ask for support on the point of my possessions and I also consider doing the DIP pro and also support a couple of causes on patreon that destonians have created (such as Earth Haven and GetReal) once I get the money from what I inherited form my father who past away a couple of months ago and I am also going to get some stronger sedatives to help me get out of the possessions more quickly as I did with my last two where I took the double dose that I usually take of the ones I have now and by doing that my possessions lasted only about 20 to 30 minutes and not like 3 to 6 hours when I take the other pills, so that things don't go that far anymore. As for psychiatry, I am pretty much done with it. I will continue to take the pills that I take now and have been taking since the past seven years as I have no other option but I have no interest to ever again being someones lab rat and to try out any other pills out, as anything they gave me so far has been proven detrimental or useless (apart of the sedatives).

And as for my process. I have been applying myself and walking with for quite some time now I have just been more in the shadows so to speak and I think that I have reached the point of no return a while ago and by that I mean that I have realized my responsibility toward life and that there is no way out and no escaping the truth of myself and this world and that there is really no point of doing anything else or working toward anything else than a world that is best for everyone as that is a would I would wish for everyone to live in and experience themselves in including myself and so I'm looking forward to being part of bringing about such a world for all living things. Currently I see that I am in a very fortunate position in terms of not really having to worry about finances as my life is provided for by my mother and stepfather of which both luckily have a permanent job and a stable income, and so I have a lot of time during my day with very limited obligations (only doing the dishes and making the beds and sometimes doing the laundry), and I have been working toward using the abundance of time I have more effectively but I found that the patterns that I participate in both in terms of how I live and the patterns in my mind are not so easily changed but I know I can change them its just a process of accumulation as I realized that what you nurture will grow I just need to keep on applying myself.

So, thanks for reading (if you came that far, lol) as this blog post has 3897 words in total and this is the third attempt I have made on it as the first one took about 2-3 hours to make but I wasn't satisfied with it then the second one took about 5 hours but I wrote in too much detail and I wrote only halve hat I wanted during that time and this final one took me about a good 8-9 hours in total, but I finally made it, lol.

So, yeah, that is all from me for now.

Cheers and see you around.

- Regards, Gregor

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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:16

Re: Hi everyone!

Post by Marlen »

Hi Gregor!

Thank you for taking the time to share your story, I've been aware of you around facebook so it's very cool to get to know more of you through this post and know your story.

Your message/post was quite clear and quite detailed in nature, which shows that you got the ability to use your mind quite effectively if you decide to do so. You can also considering looking at what happens if you let go of the possible mistakes or faulty lines in your writing and simply post it, see what happens if you don't go through it re-writing it many times or spending too much time to it because it can become a daunting process when in fact, writing is something that can be most supportive and settling for ourselves, if we also let go of any fear of being judged or being 'wrong' in how we speak/write, so that's a consideration for you to look at and test out for yourself.

I'd very much encourage you to assist yourself both with the support of your psychiatrist and get the permission of your Dr. to at the same time enroll back into DIP Lite if you'd like to start again or continue where you left off. We do require a specific format that you can request at [email protected] in order for you to be able to take on any course (DIP/DIP Lite/ Agreements course) as a point of self-responsibility in relation to your mental health history and with the medications you've been taking, so that's for your awareness and consideration. After you get that permit, by all means do get this support because there are many points that would be 'too much' to simply say/walk through in a post here, but I am aware how it must have been also a relief for you to write out all of these points for yourself and sharing them here with us.

So! A series that I've recommended various individuals that I've worked with/known have had similar situations and experiences as you is the following one which I personally recommend: Voices in my Mind - Death Research - Part 1 this is the first part but there are 5 parts to it, so check them all out, very very supportive stuff to understand what it means to create a mind possession in detail.

There's the recent Living Principle series by Cerise and Joe as well, awesome stuff here: Stepping Out of A Possession - Principled Living

And what Desteni stands for is demonstrating in a plethora of explanations and ways how it IS possible to create solutions if we work on living the corrections day by day and moment by moment. So, by all means you can check out the Future of Consciousnessseries (recently renamed to Future of Awareness) that contains various supportive explanations about how to walk through one's mind

Now, about your free time, if you see you'd like to contribute someway to spreading the material, let us know if you'd be up for transcribing some interviews, if that's something you can do in your free time - because we use them to then translate them into other languages in eqafe.com. Let us know on that one, but most importantly, giving yourself an activity you can dedicate yourself to is the most supportive thing to do.

You can also check out people's profiles like Tormod Hvidsten and Nick Knight who have walked some processes as well in terms of schizophrenia and medical support for it as well as the directions they are giving to their lives for self-support.

It's great that you have decided to start supporting you Gregor, we'd like many more people to realize what is possible if one decides to take responsibility for our creations in our minds and in our reality and not get a form of despair about it or seeing no way through, but learning how to stand from it day by day, bit by bit.

I also suggest the Self Forgiveness recordings shared on Eqafe, you can choose and test out which one you see would be supportive for you, you can hear and read along a text which makes it a very supportive and grounding process to learn then how to write your own self-forgiveness as well.

You can also keep sharing here in the forum and open a blog as well if you'd like to share it out there when you start writing yourself to support you in your corrective process, so you are welcome to ask here as well or read other threads with topics you have further questions on and participate, we all can learn from each other that way.

Enjoy participating here and welcome :)

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Gregor Podgorelec
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Joined: 23 Jan 2017, 14:54

Re: Hi everyone!

Post by Gregor Podgorelec »

Thanks Marlen for the lengthy response.

Thanks you for the suggestion regarding doing writings.

I will see if I can support myself with the help of my psychiatrist and about the point of walking the DIP lite again. I think is not necessary as I have completed it once already and have learned what it had to offer. To make up for the support that I didn't ask for when I did the course all these years ago I can probably make up for, by for instance creating a thread here on he forums and start to write myself to freedom and so be able to be sported by multiple people if I struggle with something. So that has been one thing that I considered. And also like I mentioned in my original post I will probably do the DIP pro course to further support myself both for the sake of my mental condition and my effectiveness to walk process.

I will also purchase the interviews that you recommended once I have the money on my bank account and also figure out how to purchase them online as that is something that I haven't done yet. I actually go to the EQAFE site every day to read the description of the interviews so I get some insight as to what the interview is talking about and so use that as a way to get some support if only very little.

As for transcribing the interviews. Sure I can do it but my English isn't the best especially when I type things as I often make mistakes and I write everything in a program (like what I wrote for this post) that checks for errors which I make quite a lot. But yes it could be a great way to fill up some of the free time that I have an abundance of.

As for Tormod and Nick I am already a facebook friend with Tormod and have wached some of his videos on youtube and read some of his blogs as for Nick, the name sounds familiar and I will check out his profile on facebook and send him a friend request if we are not friends yet.

I also, like you suggested, considered to start a (journey to life) blog as a way of sharing myself and perhaps be of support to someone else like other people have been and still are of great support for me via sharing themselves through their blogs.

So, thats all for now and yes thanks again.

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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Re: Hi everyone!

Post by Gian »

Hello Gregor

Welcome to the forums. I am glad you are, and also that I contacted you via FaceBook to then now also be connected here. That was a very long write up, but truly an in dept story of your history with the process and Desteni thus far, wow. it has been a journey for you. I enjoyed reading it, not that what you wrote was all enjoyable, but getting to see you and what you have to share.

Marlen has definitely given cool basic practical steps to first take and I can not give more input in terms of where to start and how awesome it would be to have you here regularly to share yourself and as always write yourself to freedom, to apply the tools here in writing for yourself and thus one and equal all whom will read and learn from it here equally.

Thank you for taking the many HOURS of writing it out and taking that step, that initial step to be here and to join the community and participate. I am looking forward to reading more fo you and to when I see I can support and assist an participate.

Take care and till your next post..

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Gregor Podgorelec
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Joined: 23 Jan 2017, 14:54

Re: Hi everyone!

Post by Gregor Podgorelec »

Hi Gian and thank you for the nice welcome!

I am also glad that I made this initial step to introduce myself here on the forums and I am looking forward to participate more here.

Yes, I have walked quite a journey so far. It was difficult many times, but through all that difficulties I have learned to stand up and learn from them. And I am grateful for you and many others that walk and share their process as that has assisted me greatly at the difficult moments that I faced and also in general.

Yes, I have spend quite some time writing my introduction and I actually wanted to share a bit more of who I am and where I am in my process at the moment and all the realizations I came to (many times with the help of you guys), but the writing process took a toll on me and so I just went with what I had written at that time.

So, thanks again for your response and I am looking forward to walk this process with you all, here on the forums and perhaps thorough a blog also (I haven't decided yet).

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Re: Hi everyone!

Post by BoJackson »

Hi Gregor, what an interesting read.
People are very interested in Surfshark VPN because it's great.

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Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:08

Re: Hi everyone!

Post by Maite »

Hi Gregor,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story here with us - it is quite something!

I saw that you've opened your own thread to share your writings, so I will be heading there next :). One suggestion I have additionally to what has already been shared here by Marlen and Gian - is to include physical activities in your day, such as for instance gardening or maintenance work around the house, things like that - where you are using your hands, have to be present in your body and be aware of your physical surroundings. When I first came to the farm, this is how I spent a large portion of my days: painting beams, weeding in the garden, cleaning up the shed, and so on - this was for a me a great support to ground myself and start to learn what it means to be in my body. So, if you can include some physical activities in your day-to-day, that might support you as well to align yourself more to your body and less to your mind - allowing you to be more stable and grounded when you do face points coming up in your mind.


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Gregor Podgorelec
Posts: 26
Joined: 23 Jan 2017, 14:54

Re: Hi everyone!

Post by Gregor Podgorelec »

Hi Maite, and thanks for your response!

Thanks for your suggestions. Unfortunately many of the physical activities you suggested I cannot really do as I live in an apartment complex and so we don't have a garden or anything like that. What see I can do is to go for a walk outside, for an hour or so, now that it is a bit warmer outside as spring is approaching which has helped me to ground myself more within my body in the past, just taking in my physical surroundings and focusing on breath and being here. Another physical activity that I do is lifting weights and doing some sit ups but that is more fore being and staying physically fit and takes up little time in a day, but I found that it is also supportive. What has helped me the most recently is the realization of the pointlessness of the mind and anything coming up within it as I has always mislead me and newer really served me as when I go too far into the mind I usually get myself into a mind possession and so I have recently minimized my participation in the mind and have rather focused on breath and forgiving anything coming up in my mind which was of great support and I am a lot more stable and grounded now and rarely reach the point of getting possessed.

So, thanks again.


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Valentin Rozman
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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 20:27
Location: Maribor, Slovenia

Re: Hi everyone!

Post by Valentin Rozman »

Hi Gregor and thanks for your detailed sharing here!

Nice that we connected via Facebook in 2010 where you explain that you discovered Desteni material in 2008 and that you are planing to introduce yourself two week later. I have a link to old Desteni forum related to you that does not work anymore so I am not sure if you already introduced yourself there for the first time so that this is actually your second forum introduction. Anyway, I am glad that you came to realisation that one can not escape from their own mind and best to face it as soon as possible.

I am also planning to develop a sustainable farm here in Slovenia to assist me in grounding. You have explained that you do not have any farm in the surrounding of your apartment block, but maybe you could develop something small there that could support you. Like for example when I lived in the ground floor of apartment building I had only 10 square meters of land that was part of my flat. Initially they panted it with grass and was intended only for resting and sunbathing, but I decided to convert it into a small farm by planting 4 fruit trees and creating a herb bed. And I also arranged for a composter to be placed in a corner of our community land where I collected organic waste from all people in the neighbourhood to produce fertile soil.

There is also a Urban Farming or Urban Gardening movement spreading across many towns so you can also check if you can find or rent at least a small patch of land that you can do something with it. Or you can volunteer to take care or assist in keeping your neighbourhood neat and tidy. So there are many options where you can engage in some physical activity and also contribute to improvement of society. Then note that you can grow plants also indoor and that many small closed indoor system are available out-of-the box to support you with growing herbs.

And finally you are welcome to join our regular Desteni Slovenia audio group Skypa chat that we are having every Sunday at 21:00 CET. We support each other by sharing our experiences in the previous week and exchange perspectives. If you want to participate in chats, just send me a Facebook message. I will add you in the Skype group and call you at described time. Than each Sunday you can decide to accept the call and join the group chat or ignore it if you do not feel like talking. We are a small group of about 6 Slovenians currently so talks come to be very nice and relaxed.

All the best!
Be the change you want to see, practice oneness and equality
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