Thanks for the heads up, Esteni.
Here's my last three blogs. I still have issues with consistency... In the last blog I promised myself to work on the music in my head point, only to fail to get to it, because yesterday my occipital bone points started hurting like a motherfucker, and now I'm working on entirely different points (the music playing in my head today assisted me by pointing me into the right direction/person to write out, lol). Within this I saw how I fuck myself over with "promises", as I almost always fail to deliver, and then I have judgements about that.
Overwhelmed with thoughts
Today, as I was reading Heaven's Journey to Life Blog, my mind kept distracting me with obsessive thoughts. I tried doing what I've been doing before: stop reading the blog and write out the point, but the point is so ingrained that my thoughts kept coming back with different aspects of it, when I would start reading again. My imagination kept distracting me, and I was growing really tired and frustrated. I had written out five pages of self-forgiveness on the subject, and although I did feel the relief of it, new dimensions of the point kept coming at me over and over again, and it seemed like they would never end. I kept trying to breathe myself Here and focus on the blog, but even within breathing, I could hear my thoughts nagging.
And then I decided to not allow this point to distract me anymore, because I was getting really sick of the subject. After that the thoughts still kept coming back, but I would ignore them, not give them attention. I stopped participating within them. I realised that I need to override this physically by not giving it attention, and not by writing it out, because it will take way longer to erase - these are the exact words that I had written to myself.
Certainly I will have to remove the root cause with self-forgiveness, but it was an awesome thing to realise that I can stop a point that I perceived to be unstoppable before. I have neglected the "accumulating the breath of Life" part a bit lately, as I focused and gave too much importance to self-forgiveness. It really doesn't work as well, if I rely only on self-forgiveness to remove a point for me, instead of me directing it within myself.
So now that I know I can do this, things flow much easier. I simply do not allow myself to participate within my thoughts, and they clammor and racket somewhere in the background, like hearing music from a far away place that one cannot understand the words to. Kinda cool, lol.
Expanded self-forgiveness statements on wanting to be important
This is an expansion of the statements in this blog
after reviewing them with my buddy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be important in this world system, and the community I live in, amongst the people that I personally know and who know me, instead of realising and understanding that 'being important' is an expression of superiority within the system, which implies inequality.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that wanting to be important is stemming from me feeling inferior and not important.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define myself as not important, instead of realising that with this I am creating separation within myself as friction for the generating of energy for my mind to survive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate being important to having lots of money and influence over other people within the system, not seeing realising and understanding that with these definitions I am creating separation as friction within myself through seeing/perceiving myself as inferior to people with lots of money and giving them permission to have influence over me, thus I am giving my power away to them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be able to have influence over others, instead of realising that having influence over others implies inequality, as it is an expression of superiority, which is my mind generating energy through friction within itself for it's survival as ego, where I am wanting to be superior to others within my accepted perception that someone must be more important than another in this world, and I don't want to be inferior, therefore I excercise power and control over them with knowledge and information in order to make myself superior.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it must be so that in this world some people are more important and superior to others, and others are less important and inferior, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want/need to be able to perceive and define myself as superior and more important than others and look for points within which I can define myself as such, not realising and understanding that I desire this because I perceive myself to be inferior for having been born into a poor family as part of the working class, which I realise is also just a definition of the mind, because I am an equal human being, and by allowing this belief/perception that some must be more important/superior to others and desire to be defined as superior, I am separating myself from my oneness and equality as my physical substance/myself and all that is here by playing into a polarity construct where I generate friction within myself to create energy for the mind to survive as ego. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to construct this belief and with it in order to justify my desire for superiority to myself, and look and search for points within my world with which I could prove myself to be superior.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive politicians, businessmen, doctors, lawyers and all other people with a lot of money in this world as 'more important', instead of realising that this is my accepted definition that I have addopted from my predecessors without questioning it, which by looking at it now, I can see how I within this allowed myself to continue ignoring the equality of all beings and allowed the continuation of abuse of all beings as ourselves in order to generate friction as energy within self and the abuse of all of existence as this earth within the world system/money.
I realise and understand that not one being in this world is more important than another, as we are all of this physical substance of the dust of the earth, therefore when and as I see myself defining/perceiving one being more important than another, I stop and I breathe, I look within and as myself as to the reason why I had associated this perception to this person/being and thus allow myself to investigate the justification as a reason that I had attached to me seeing myself as superior to another person and through this application I am able to look at my pre-programmed design and investigate whether this pre-programmed design is standing for what is best for all or whether it is based within my self interest, as I have seen, realised and understood that allowing myself to play the superiority and inferiority game has devastating consequences to myself and this world, because I take substance from my physical body to generate friction within myself for the creation of energy for my mind consciousness system to survive as ego, and cause friction without as the energies translate to money in the physical world, with which we all abuse this earth and all that is here for the money system to keep existing, within which countless beings are abused to keep it going.
I commit myself to stopping any and all perceptions and definitions of some beings being 'more important' within this world than others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from all as me within my desire/want/need to be acknowledged as important by others/feel important within myself.
When and as I see myself wanting to be important, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is a polarity design, with which I separate myself from all as me through friction within myself with which I generate energy for my mind as ego, and am abusing my physical substance of my body in order to do so, therefore I remove the point of desiring to be important with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to stopping and removing any and all desires to be important within this world/system, as I have seen realised and understood that with this desire I separate myself from all that is here through wanting to make myself superior.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be perceived as important by my sexual partner and my friends, as I perceive that this will make me feel wanted, more than and superior, and through this I forgive myself that I had used influence and control as a means of feeling important as I had created the perception within and as myself that when I am able to influence another or control another that I must then be important, therefore when and as I see myself wanting to have influence and control over my sexual partner and my friends, I stop and I breathe. I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to make myself important with the knowledge and information that I have, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for 'hidden points' in other people's existences that I would 'uncover' nad 'expose' and show them that I see what they are trying to hide from me/others, and with that make myself superior to them as one that can see right through them, instead of realising and understanding that by doing this I am creating friction as superiority within myself and friction as inferiority within them, thus creating separation within myself and between myself and other people. When and as I see myself wanting to show to someone a 'hidden point' within themselves, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that with this I am trying to make myself superior to them, and through that I am creating separation, therefore I clear my starting point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to make myself more important than other people within interaction when I am with a group of people, because when I am with other people I perceive that I must compete with them and win over them and be in the center of attention, instead of realising that with this I am furthering and deepening the separation between us as well as accepting and allowing myself to have the starting point that ‘I am not good enough’ and ‘I have to prove myself’, which I can now clearly see within and as myself is an ‘error’ within my pre-programmed design which I now no longer accept and allow to exist.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the belief that within conversation with other people I must always take an opposing stance without realising and understanding that I am doing this in order to generate friction for the creation of enegry to survive as a mind/ego and thus I am making cooperation and agreeing impossible, because I am competing with them in whose stance is more right. I realise and understand that this kind of behaviour is the cause of war within this world, therefore when and as I see myself looking to take an opposing stance within a conversation with other people, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to automatically oppose them, instead I clear my starting point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath, listening to the conversation and seeing where my participation will have an effect of what is best for all, instead of my usual behaviour that is based in self interest where I want to be seen as being ‘right’.
When and as I see myself wanting to be 'more important' than someone else, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand the superiority fuckup that this causes by creating separation through friction for my mind as energy, and I also realise that when I am playing the ‘I am important game’ I am allowing myself to participate within a polarity game where there is always a winner and always a loser, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to stopping and removing any and all desire to be 'more important' than someone else, as I have seen realised and understood that I am creating friction within myself and others by doing so, which globally manifests as wars and the abuse that we all accept and allow, and this needs to stop with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be more important to my sexual partner than other women, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my sexual partner to perceive me as superior to other women, therefore when and as I see myself competing and comparing to other women in relation to getting attention and being more important to my sexual partner than them, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am compromising myself with this through creating separation within myself and my outer world as friction to generate energy for my mind as ego to survive, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to stop any and all comparison and competition with other women within myself, as I have seen realised and understood that this causes separation between us as jealousy and has consequences that make us all miserable, therefore I must stop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be percived as important within specific areas of my life such as my job, my realtionships and the house/family/community that I live in, instead of realising and understanding that this creates separation, therefore when and as I see myself wanting to be perceived as important by anyone ro desiring to feel important, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that wanting to feel important comes from a point(s) of inferiority that I carry myself, therefore I identify those points, remove them with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to envy and be jealous of people that I perceive as important, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from people whom I perceive as important within my desire to be like them and envy towards them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful towards people whom I perceive as being important/more important than me within this world, instead of realising that within this I am creating separation within and as myself where I have made myself inferior to those people and am giving them permission to have power over me, and therefore I am being spiteful, which is an illusion of my mind where I compensate for that feeling of inferiority by making myself in my mind superior to those people which I perceive to be more powerful than me.
When and as I see myself perceiving someone else as more important than me, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into inferiority towards them, because I realise and understand that this will come out as superiority as my mind tries to compensate for the feeling of inferiority, which will create futher separation, therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
Music in my head
I started dealing with the music in my head a few days ago, when I was walking with the dog. I've been increasingly enjoying physical moving lately, but when I noticed that I play music in my head while walking, I became annoyed, beacuse I wasn't fully here. I started doing self-forgiveness while walking, and I've realised many things, for instance about how we define and perceive any kind of movement to be unpleasant in some way, therefore we need to entertain ourselves with music or give ourselves pace with the rhythm, either from an ipod or by simply playing it to ourselves in our heads. It ballances out the definitions of "bad"that we've attached to moving, it makes it more "fun" and "bareable".
So the first day I did my self-forgiveness, but the music wouldn't stop. I managed to stop it by holding my breath for a while, and there was silence and I could hear my surroundings, but as soon as I would start breathing again, the music would be back. So I decided to try ignoring it, maybe it would go away, lol. It kindly wouldn't.
While walking the next day, I noticed it again. It was just as loud and obnoxious as before, and I simply couldn't get rid of it, no matter how many definitions and perceptions I released with self-forgiveness. Then I realised that I was playing the music in my head, so that I wouldn't have to face myself in every moment, because as soon as I'd stop doing my self-forgiveness, the music would return - a thought would come up, and then I'd start playing the music in my head. Therefore I supported myself with a commitment to next time stop and investigate the thoughts that I'm suppressing and hiding from myself with music, and walked on. It wasn't long before I caught myself playing a song in my head again, and this time I stopped and I breathed. I identified the thought and applied self-forgiveness on it.
Today I was yet again fascinated with things, because I forgave myself for entertaing myself with a certain song in my mind, which then stopped playing, lol, but then my mind chose another one in order to keep playing music. This time I looked at all the opinions I have on this particular piece of music, and from there I went on and expanded my self-forgiveness towards my behaviour towards and within music in general. Still not done. Tomorrow I'll share some self-forgiveness on the subject. This is a big point for me, because I was born into a musical family and i've been programming myself with it and escaping myself with it since almost the begining of my life, this is going to be extensive.