Tyler's Blog

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Errebody Hustlin'. Duh...

Postby tylersr » 03 Nov 2011, 07:02

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What if I don't participate in Desteni?

Postby tylersr » 16 Jan 2012, 23:25

Within this Process on earth, Desteni stands as a group that has Integrity in the sense that despite the temptation of participating in the ignorance of the status-quo they are choosing to live as light-bearers illuminating the path each must take to arrive at global equality. The question is, is it possible to be educated about their solution of an equal money system without feeling the need to promote it? Can one see and understand what Desteni is doing without joining them?

If such individuals were to wait around until peace is democratically installed, aware of the process going on but choosing to remain silent about it, would that work? Well, applying here one of the tools promoted by Desteni- common sense- the answer is: possibly not. Of course, it’s possible that an equal money system will be manifested before everyone is ready to participate in it. I’m thinking about those with violent tendencies and the mentally ill. If given the opportunity to participate they might support an equal money system but cannot do so from behind bars or within a straight jacket. So obviously there won’t be a petition with all 7 billion peoples’ signatures on it demanding an equal money system- it won’t happen like that.

But what could happen is that enough people hear the Desteni message and choose not to do anything about it that a better system never materializes. In this scenario, collective apathy leads to mass death via self-abuse in the form of drug addiction and ego-games. A sorry ending for earth it would be.

So while world peace might manifest one day despite your non-participation in realizing it, keeping your mouth shut these days could just mean you doom the human race to failure.

So I’d suggest educating yourself on what is best for all and then promoting it for all you’re worth. Maybe it’s the equal money system as proposed on equalmoney.org. Maybe we should be working towards allowing robots to do everything for us. Or, given our previous behavior, maybe a nuclear holocaust is more appropriate. Whatever you decide, if you’re not seen and heard what’s the point? We all die anyway.

Blog link: http://livingequality.wordpress.com/2012/01/16/if-i-dont-participate-in-desteni-will-world-peace-manifest-anyway/

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Re: Tyler's Blog

Postby Anna » 17 Jan 2012, 01:00

Cool Tyler!

Thanks for sharing. I agree! :-)

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I Dare You to Enjoy Yourself

Postby tylersr » 20 Jan 2012, 10:56

Blog link: http://livingequality.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/i-dare-you-to-enjoy-yourself/

What a fucked up reality we live in these days. Half the world lives on less than $2 a day and the other half spends all their time looking for happiness. Those with enough devise extravagant plans for how to get that desired experience, expending great effort to achieve a more-than situation for themselves. How is it that we’ve gotten so out of touch with what is real that most of us are missing the point?

Much ado has been made about the Law of Attraction, raising your vibration, prayer, meditation, and yoga and a popular notion going about that each one is charged with creating the ultimate experience for themselves as their birthright. Spirituality has somehow come to be the justification for a self-interested lifestyle of thinking positive, eating expensive food, and banging the hot hippie chick. That’s because New Age practitioners believe themselves to be special but haven’t realized that their entire reality is subject to the same limitation- money- as everyone else’s. The convenient elaboration that the less fortunate of this world are somehow karmically backward and are learning a “soul lesson” has been crafted to make those pursuing selfish ends feel better about themselves.

It’s common sense that by leading a “blessed” experience you are not teaching the less fortunate how to better enjoy themselves as an infinite aspect of a loving Creator. Those people just don’t have any fucking food! They haven’t chosen to starve! They’re fucking hungry while you pay $5 a pound for tomatoes at the farmer’s market- that’s not cosmic equilibrium- that’s putting blinders on.

Furthermore, I would argue that any enjoyment being had by the privileged elite of this world- and that’s what anyone who claims to have an awesome life is- is not pure. How can pure enjoyment exist when suffering beings are coexisting on the same spinning ball of rock? No amount of juice fasting and meditating on love and light can help you to escape the fact that there are children starving to death. In this way, we truly are only as good as our lowest aspect- real unity demands it. So long as even one being suffers needlessly in this world, true happiness cannot be had by anyone.

UNLESS, that is, that enjoyment takes place within a self-aware being who is deriving it through the direct expression of themselves in the physical. Regardless of your notion of a spiritual reality, when has it ever not been true that enjoyment is anchored in you- as a physical being? The stretching, expanding, self-exploring, self-directed human physical body can enjoy itself but only within a moment and only within common sense. When that human body pretends that it is anything other than what it is- at that moment it surrenders any chance of enjoyment.

So instead of thinking up the next retreat or concert or dinner party to have fun at while marveling at your proficiency in manifesting blissful experiences, I dare you to stop for a goddam moment. Just be here with the breath. Put your awareness on it for a few seconds and get in touch with who you are. Because who you are is a physical being and until you own that for yourself you search for ever more and better experiences will continue to be fruitless and vain.

Stop searching and start enjoying.

And breathe lots!

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Re: Tyler's Blog

Postby Lindsay » 20 Jan 2012, 11:07

So long as even one being suffers needlessly in this world, true happiness cannot be had by anyone.
Yup - because then we're leaving a part of ourselves out of the entire equation, which just doesn't compute, as it is still total and 100% separation. So, indeed - our work isn't done, until it is done for/as ALL.

Cool post Tyler - lol, I used to participate in many of the points you mention here - fascinating stuff to take a look at directly in common sense and see the utter impracticality and spitefulness in it all.

Thanks for sharing.

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Postby tylersr » 20 Jan 2012, 12:13

Blog link: http://livingequality.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/spite/

Something which has repeatedly come up within me lately is spite. I find myself just sitting there trying to shoot spiteful daggers into people I’ve never met. My entire reality has been set up so that I can blame others for imposing their fuckedness upon me. Too fucked up to take care of myself, I moved in with my parents and now have the convenient excuse that because they are not self-responsible it is making it difficult/impossible for me to be self-responsible.

What I really need is help. I have betrayed myself for so long that the accumulated consequences are impossible for me to handle on my own. I’ve no measuring stick against which I can judge my experience to see where I’ve gone wrong and what I can do about it. So instead I sit here on the computer being spiteful of others. Creating mind-realities where I blame them for manipulating me when it is only me who has been manipulating me this whole time.

The old me used to whitewash myself with love and light and would have told myself that I am beyond spite but this is not true. I am spiteful- I am spite manifested. My entire life is one spiteful fuck up and I want someone else to show me how to have a better experience. Victim mentality 101- I wrote the book.

Why do I spite people? Well, in self-honesty, it is residual. My spite was created when my pursuit of a self-interested lifestyle was foiled and I was left to fact the stark reality of what it means to be alive. I went from partying on my college fund to dropping out of school and having to support myself and I just didn’t want to let go of the image of myself as a blessed partier-personality. Yet there it was, a challenge from the universe: Can you even support yourself? Can you even walk on your own two feet and be a dignified person in this world?

I failed.

So I’ve been in and out of homelessness and my parents’ basement, lugging around my abusive addictive tendencies, clinging to a memory of a time when everything was better. Learning about the equal money system has shown me that the reason why my attempt to recreate this extravagant experience for myself can never succeed is because I want to be special. I want others to recognize me as this love-warrior who just so happens to take lots of drugs and party too much.

Hmm, I could blame others for not showing me the way to live- my parents, society, my friends- why did you all choose wrong like me? Or, I could drop my notions of uniqueness which were- besides being formed within a rigged game in which I had enough money to indulge- just plain out-of-touch with reality. What would be left?

So what I fear is that I am not special. What I fear is a fear that has been with my family possibly for generations and it started with me and my parents in childhood. We feared being rejected by our parents? Why would this have been so bad? Well, within the economic system we were born into, money determines one’s survival. So as children we were required to do things- manipulative, dishonest things- in order to stay on our parents’ good side. This was because they controlled the money.

Perhaps the conditioning started before I was even capable of understanding this. Maybe it happened when I was a baby and I had to struggle to get my mother’s attention so that my needs were taken care of. This was required because she was living in an economic system that failed to offer her unconditional support during her child-raising years so the common factors of anxiety and stress existed.

After that, money became the tool with which she controlled me to make me into an effective manipulator myself. If I didn’t obey her commands to conform to the social paradigm of competition, my chances of getting that candy or allowance were taken away. This pattern of needing to appease my parents continues to this day.

While it is my own false creation, I’ve felt compelled to appease my mother’s skewed sense of socializing- making nice with her to curry her favor. Even still this is because she controls the money. So I am spiteful. I am angry because I’ve convinced myself that we can’t have a relationship based upon trust and mutual exploration within what is best for each of us. We keep repeating patterns of self-imposed limitation where she is doing her best as a capitalist mother to socialize me, make me play the game, and I am doing my best to manipulate her in turn to give me money/things without being too affected by her.

Rather than having an effective communication about this and working through the points which keep ourselves in separation even while we interact, we keep secret thoughts and spiteful wishes about each other. Each one of us wants the other to change- but the fact of the matter remains that change must come first from each of us and also according to what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is a large gap between myself and my mother and that it is ‘hard’ or ‘difficult’ for us to reconcile our differences and make peace.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into spite-mode because I created the perception within myself that my mother is not doing enough to meet me in the middle.

Instead of attempting to operate on the same old paradigm of trying to fit our relationship into the economic system, I can dare to be radical and settle for nothing less than an effective relationship whose value is not in how well it functions to manipulate others but in the daily living of it- the real interactions that occur.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to cling to creating a ‘smart’ relationship based upon selfishness- and then getting upset when the other person doesn’t get it= fails me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to a narrow conception of a relationship, locking people into comfortable categories so that I can readily exploit their weaknesses should it come down to that.

I choose to create myself within and as stability so that I can support myself within this current economic environment. This will eliminate the awkwardness that gets in the way of real relationships. Instead of projecting my fear of dying/not having enough money/ wanting to have a more-than experience on others- and then perceiving that projection as their failure, I can take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to seek perfectionism within my relationships because I believe myself to see how it all is and how me and mine could win this money casino game.

Rather than seek out willing accomplices I can seek out self-supporting co-creators interested in absolute equality. No longer will I do what I hate in my mother which is attempt to control the people in my environment because I haven’t worked at the root of my fear. No longer will I require a limited perfection- I require self-perfection from myself and surrender to the fact that only within the moment does life happen. No holding back within secret subconscious manipulation patterns. Life.

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Re: Tyler's Blog

Postby Marlen » 20 Jan 2012, 20:15

What I really need is help. I have betrayed myself for so long that the accumulated consequences are impossible for me to handle on my own.
This is the type of statement that got me into seeking for a god to 'help me' do it because I apparently couldn't do it myself. Eventually found that I could support myself and be that point of common sense that I saw is required to live. Within this realization, you can see how any point that we are experiencing is the consequence of our actions - Self Responsibility is then walking through the necessary corrections to not deviate the point outside of myself again.

See how in certain statements you are still wanting others to 'adjust' to you instead of you first making sure you walk your process, you live it and apply it without having to project this process outside of yourself on to others. It's become the way that we relate ourselves to others, which is quite a fucked up starting point we've projected on to virtually anything and anyone - hence the massive protests that are only pointing fingers at 'others' instead of seeing that the very starting point of this 'fucked up world' is ourselves, within each one of us. That's how it is so important to realize that it is only within me/ as me that I can stop this world from continuing in the old ways. You're walking it here so that's cool - just keeping an eye on how we walk this point with/ as ourselves wherein people are only here as part of the support to see what we still react to, what we are still 'taking personal,' what judgments do we bring up and project on to others - etc.

This is then the cool point to walk:
No longer will I do what I hate in my mother which is attempt to control the people in my environment because I haven’t worked at the root of my fear
Cool, thanks for sharing.

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You Create Love

Postby tylersr » 22 Jan 2012, 23:32

Blog link: You Create Love

Something that has happened quite often in this world is the phenomena of falling in love. Two seemingly star-crossed people meet and embark on an adventure in which time and space themselves seem irrelevant. Everything is grand, the two of you float on a cloud. What I want to expose in this post is the real reason behind the “getting caught up” in a love that we each ourselves created.

Much ado is made about love, it’s put on a veritable pedestal and for many considered the end all and be all of their lives. Entire religions are based on the idea and millions of people would swear that their lover/spouse/child is the best thing that ever happened to them.

I’m here to say that the belief that love just happens to you, that it is somehow “blind,” as they say, disregards the responsibility each of us has for creating our experience. It’s common sense that as you develop out of childhood and start to identify with certain characteristics and create preferences for the types of people/things you like and dislike, you create yourself into the being you become.

By the time you are ready to meet your lover and go into crazy-love-wild-ride time, you have already decided who you are and, thus, which people are “not your type” and which people would suit you. You created a prescreening process for everyone in this world and then put yourself in certain specific situations so that you would then meet these types of people. When you finally have meet that perfect match it’s like- viola!- and everything is sugar and honey. Why then does it seem like such a wonderful ride on the dream machine?

The reason why a relationship seems so awesome is because your lover confirms your self-identity. They tell you you’re beautiful, sexy, kind, compassionate, funny, etc. etc. and you feel so good. Ignoring the fact that these are all obviously ego-creations, the relationship allows you to feel comfortable in your personality. In essence, it is an excuse to not change.

Thus the feeling of utter timelessness- as if nothing else matters. Because to the two of you, it doesn’t. You’ve effectively shut yourself off from the world and exist as two love-birds in a protected nest. Your partner being “nice” to you is actually a reflection of their fear of calling you out for your self-created separation.

All good relationships work so well because neither side challenges the other but only confirms that in the other which they themselves created previously. Nothing new can arise out of this situation and thus both sides are comforted in knowing that who they are is OK. This is interpreted as “true love” because both “accept who the other is” and only focus on the positive.

The good feeling we get in a relationship like this is the same as any good feeling we get in this world and its always deceptive. It’s a propping up of your egoic identity; that you should feel like you have to be recognized for who you are- and then feel validated by that- simply confirms that you seek self-importance.

It’s funny because the world has always been a mirror for yourself. You have always been the arbiter of your experience and you are responsible for all your actions in this world. So a loving relationship is nothing more than two people engaged in ignoring that the other is a mirror to themselves and believing that all these words that are being spoken to them are deserved and confirm how wonderful they are.

The reason why every loving relationship that has ever existed- including that between mother and child, brother and sister, and lovers- has been deceptive is because they were deliberately engaged in from the starting point of ego. The relationship/lover doesn’t sweep you off your feet- you do that because you’ve been waiting for some excuse to not work on yourself and then, once you create that situation for yourself, you get lost in it, forgetting you are a creator always.

A truly meaningful relationship would consist of two humans challenging each other at every moment. Not making each other feel comfortable within their own creation as a cute or funny or wise personality. Rather than seeking confirmation of themselves within another, two people engaged in an effective relationship would be real and insist upon common sense from themselves at all times. They would not require the other to say “I love you” or to “spend more time with them.”

A real relationship would mean that both people have recognized that they each are responsible for every one of their actions and as such do not require another to prop them up within their delusional mind-creations, believing it to be a soul-mate situation. In such a relationship, stability would not come from another, the partners wouldn’t complete each other, but rather self-stability would have to be established before the relationship even took place. Once an agreement was made to engage with each other, the context would be self-expansion and self-exploration with the recognition that everything that happens is always one’s OWN creation.

It’s all about the starting point established within yourself before you even think about entering in a relationship.

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Re: Tyler's Blog

Postby tylersr » 01 Feb 2012, 05:08


Conscious thought: My mother will put up a fight about my releasing my college funds. She has resisted releasing money for me to go to school in the past. I have also misued my college funds in the past, even going so far as to tell my mother that I was going to school and then using the money to buy drugs after giving ehr a fake address for my rent. Thus, she has a memory-based idea that I might misuse the money again or that I may not be mentally fit enough to handle classes again. So i’ve anticipate this tension that isn’t even manifested yet and if I don’t direct myself in every moment until she gets home in a few days then I will prove myself to be not worthy to receive the funds to support me going to school.

So within not becoming stable within myself I’ve projected my fear of not supporting myself onto another in that she will not support me to go to school. Therefore it is not my fault but hers that I will not go to school. When in actuality I’ve been doing the same thing I’ve done for quite a while now in getting myself stuck between two seemingly contradictory choices. Either my mother is the perfect mother and participates in my life exactly in the way I want her to- which in this case implies releasing my college money so I can pay rent on a room and not have to live with her- or everything is terrible and i have to continue living with my narcissitic, psychopathic mother, in her home where I have decided that I cannot possibly get better due to the constant stress/fear I am subject to because of being in proximity to her.

So it’s quite convenient because I have made myself a victim, the subject. It is her fault if I don’t leave her house and its her fault if I stay. A complete abdication either way.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to reach a point where I cannot support myself and therefore must rely upon my mother for my survival.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to seek the answer to who I should be in this lifetime outside of myself in friends/family I had “connections” with in the past- instead of dropping my memory-based habitual patterns and daring to live in a way that is caring towards life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have the thought that my mother will put up a fight about letting me move out of her house and go to school.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to consider myself “too old” for this shit and feeling like I am a victim of a mother who doesn’t understand that I need independence.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for me being fucked up.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have the belief that my mother should act in a certain way because she is my mother.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have the thought “as soon as I can I am leaving here, moving to another country, and not coming back for years” in reaction to my perception that my mother doesn’t “get it.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have the feeling of superiority in relation to my mother.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fall into a pattern of coming back to her house, getting upset, being rude, and leaving, only to come back again.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for me not being stable when I see her and thus making it her problem every time we have a confrontation.

While it may be true that being in her house may not be the best place for me to work on myself, its also true that I have brought this situation of relying upon her and having to live in her house on myself. Despite my behavior in the past, she has said I am always welcome here and welcomed me back this time, offering me basically free room and board. I have not taken this opportunity to become stable within myself and have continued to use drugs and participate in habitual patterns like masturbation, drug use, computer use.

Maybe she’s right: maybe I’m not ready to go back to school. Last time I failed most of my classes and just used the money to do buy drugs. I’ve told myself that I won’t do that this time, but so far haven’t stopped my habitual patterns. This schism I have created within myself as “if I could only escape her then I could figure myself out” isn’t making it any easier for me to figure myself out before she comes back in a few days and I have to ask her for the rent money to be released from my college fund.

It really is my choice if I am going to become stable or not. Of course, in an ideal world she would stop her habitual patterns, too, and we could interact on a real level. But, then, if I don’t want her to act out of expectations of me, then I can’t act on expectations of her.

I will work on being present and aware and will continue to not smoke pot as I can see now how suppressive it is in terms of crystallizing patterns within me. I will not drink caffeine and try to just be ok with myself. I’ve got a few more days left. Hopefully I will be more stable when she comes back so that I can stand and actually ask her for what I want authentically and not as a mind projection as wishful thinking that I’ve already decided she won’t participate in.

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It's all on me

Postby tylersr » 08 Feb 2012, 05:32

Blog link: http://livingequality.wordpress.com/2012/02/08/its-all-on-me/

I’ve carried the belief that others should show me how to live. Having not been effectively parented but rather threatened and conditioned, I did some work on myself but at some point realized that if I were to make it out of this life being anything other than a carbon-copy of my parents, I was going to have to do some extensive deprogramming.

I also realized that because my parents were the ones that had done the programming, it would be extensively helpful if either:

A) They started to deprogram themselves. Perhaps at their relatively advanced age and being surrounded by likewise heavily programmed people, this was not an easy task. But being the selfish young person that I was, at least this would distract them from their program which seemed to include attempting to program me and I would get the space I needed to work on myself without being influenced by them to be exactly like them.


B) They would take it one step further and own what they did to me in terms of programming me in a way that wasn’t what was best for me and participate in my deprogramming. This second option seemed more unlikely but also the ideal scenario as it would entail the three of us working simultaneously and consciously together to deprogram ourselves.

Neither has happened and more and more I am realizing that despite my intentions for not wanting to be like them (being like my parents was just so uncool, I decided), I have also come to know that I am ‘right’ in this regard.

Of course, no one can do anything to me that I don’t accept and allow, but I’ve been around enough counter-cultural types to know that my liberal American middle class upbringing is bullshit and it is possible to exist outside of that limited worldview. My experience in deprogramming and being around those who see through the bullshit has also let me know that if people work together under the common pretense of deprogramming/reprogramming, it’s possible to make significant changes individually and as a group.

My resentment towards my parents and my desire to not be like them (so I could be better than others) has led me at times to cut off all communication with them. It’s like they are poison and the more I am around them the higher risk I’m at for being exposed to regurgitated trash seen on television and spewed by the government.

I am coming to terms with the fact that my reason for wanting to deprogram and reprogram myself is less than what is best for all an unacceptable. That doesn’t mean it isn’t what should happen, but no longer do I seek to be unlike my parents for the sake of being unique or fitting in with the hippie crowd I used to admire but feel left out of.

Now my reason for deprogramming is to avoid the mining of my physical body for the sake of realities-of-mind I have identified myself with. As I learn more about myself I’ve come to realize that I placed myself as a young person who was not willing to become self-responsible and that this- not my parents unwillingness to change- is the reason why I am unable to make progress towards becoming a more coherent person.

For a long time I intellectualized the process I should be undergoing and realized for reasons of efficiency that if my parents could just for a moment step outside of their preprogrammed existences they could help me to avoid becoming them. What I missed was the practical implications of walking of the process and that it entailed me- only me- doing the walking. Expecting my parents to assist me is just that- an expectation. If they are not willing and able to cooperate then it’s all on me.

Wanting someone else to change so that I can continue to benefit from those aspects of my preprogramming that give me a social edge while also benefiting from changing myself in a strategic way is selfish. Believing that people/things outside of myself are influencing me in any way is delusional and while its been frustrating to deal with my parents seeming inability/refusal to change, thereby facilitating my transformation, I must give them credit for knowing that its me who has been the source of my change this whole time.

Of course, without their help it might be more uncomfortable as I must take my preprogrammed self out into the world and make the mistakes I see them make, but wanting to save face was a ridiculous and misguided desire in the first place. And the process might go slower, at least initially, than I’d like. But my fear of dying, aging, becoming an adult, is an issue that I must own and walk and correct. Only when I have proven myself as someone who is living by principle, making progress towards bettering myself/the world, becoming self-supportive and responsible and not making bad decisions based upon an image of myself that is young and rebellious, can I ever expect to be taken seriously.

And who knows, maybe at some point they will see and understand and begin to co-uncreate with me?

But it’s all on me.

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