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Anna
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I am Anu
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/03/15/2012-i-am-anu/

The story of Anu is our story, yours and mine. This is our story. It is not a fairytale, a myth, a dream, a night-mare — it is in fact our story. And it is being told at last, so that all can be equally aligned in understanding where we come from and how we have gotten to where we are today in this world, this reality and in ourselves.

In the interview with Anu, he says:

”There is much more within this existence than just your idea of yourself. And one only has so many opportunities and so many chances, and that there is a point where it is too late. And many still within this existence wasting Time! There is such a thing as Time, at the moment. This physical existence is the manifestation of time, and time is being stretched, to allow for windows of opportunity as realization to emerge. But there’s still an extensive amount of: everything is ok, everything is fine! I’m ok and I’m alright! I’ve got time, there’s lots of time! I just have to do this little bit here, little bit there… Careful! Because that reality can prove to you that you’ve been within an absolute illusion within who you are in existence. So don’t wait till it is too late!”

With his story Anu asks us to initiate our story, for me and you to initiate our story, that realization is possible in every moment. When I heard this – and exactly as Anu, it is not the first time I have heard this and missed the point – I thought: “how is that possible considering ‘who’ I am, ‘where’ I am?”

In these reviews of interviews, I have focused mostly on the story the being was telling or how their story related to “the grand scheme of things” – however with Anu’s story I can see that what is relevant Here – as it is at all times – is to bring the point back to myself.

So how am I wasting time? How do I not stand absolute? How do I believe that “there is enough time”? How have I been missing the obvious for so long when it – as myself here – was right in front of my face the entire time.

Usually when I write, I have a totality of a point within me and all I have to do is simply to write it through from beginning to end. But this time I have no such direction. What I have done when I have listened to the interviews for review has been to latch onto a specific point mentioned in the interview and then ‘rolled with it’ from there, giving perspectives and sharing my own insights.

Not this time. This time I start with the birth and death of myself in every breath. I start here from scratch without a preconception about where this writing will ‘end.’ And I do so because I was ‘inspired’ by Anu’s words and who and what Anu as an emergence of being represented of and as all of us.

As I walk and live my daily life-experience, I exist within a framework of being in full control. I have realized this in relation to living with pets and how they are at my beg and call – I decide when they eat, what they eat, where they eat, sleep and shit.

Initiating my story is the initiation of a story of abuse, deception and control. Except for the purely physiological requirements of a human physical body, I have, as the mind been in total control of the organism that is this body sitting here on a chair typing. I have decided when this body slept, when it ate, what it ate, who it had sex with, how and when it had sex and through participating in emotions and feelings and thoughts, I have superimposed myself as a mind-consciousness-system onto the body, perceiving the body from within and as my ivory tower of the personalities as ego, as a toy, a tool, a mere representation of myself. I have never given much thought or consideration to the processes the body goes through on a daily basis.

In fact, I have forced the body into submission and I have used it as scapegoat, as a place to cast my spite and vengeance. When I say this, I mean it quite literally. An example is a pattern I have recently realized, where, if I experience that someone has done me wrong or that I have been treated unfairly, I have suppressed the experience of anger, and immediately taken this anger out on the body as a twisted form of punishment through indulging myself in food or candy or entertainment or even drugs. In this pattern my idea of myself is that I am in pity and that I deserve some kind of treat or compensation for the wrong that has been done to me. So I indulge – but what I have actually been doing is to punish myself, force myself to eat foods that were not supportive for my body inverting my anger towards myself. I know where this pattern stems from, and I am working with stopping and releasing it through the writing of a Mind-Construct about that period I my life in the Desteni I Process.

Once seeing this, it is a shock to discover that I have done exactly to myself as Anu did to existence. I am Anu.

The body is an organism, a community made up by all the cells, the blood stream, the nerves, the muscles, the organs, the skeleton, exactly as the universe has stars and milky-ways or how the earth exists as an eco-system carefully orchestrated by all life-forms, plant, animal and mineral-life. The body is no different.

And I have been existing as the sole ruler, the god over myself as an eco-system, a planet, a universe. There has been absolutely no equality in my ruling of myself, because it has all been about one point: consciousness. The consciousness as my experience and perception and acceptance of myself from within and as the mind, only caring about my own ideas and feelings based on accumulated threads of memories and information intertwined and tangled into each other into personalities that I perceive and experience as a monocracy that I perceive as “myself”, a single entity.

What is best for all as the entirety of the system that starts with this physical body and is no different in the world or existence as a whole, is not something I have ever considered. I have only considered my body-functions and possible diseases from a starting-point of avoiding pain and death.

How the blood stream, the intestines or the organs experience themselves in the human physical body is never something that has crossed my mind. Why? Because I have been entirely obsessed with my idea of myself in the mind. I have not given a shit about the body or its components and life-forms, because all I cared about was what the body could do for me, what it would get me, how I could use the body to create experiences of pleasure and excitement.

My entire life has been about indulgence, about getting to the next sensory experience and no matter how the body has responded; I have kept going and going – exactly as Anu. And the body has simply been here all along, silently and unconditionally supporting me, no matter what – exactly as the earth, the plants and animals has done for us as human beings for so long.

So this is the core of my message today and what I got from listening to the interview with Anu: that I have existed as an Anu in myself – even in the words commonly used to describe this living as “my own body” – I have perceived the human physical body as my property, not even existing in itself.

This is the thing with slavery – and quite interesting actually, that it only works as long as the one being enslaved is deprived of being considered “life”, sentience or even existing and is silenced to exist only as an object to be used. This is what the human physical body has been to me.

As I have been working with Pilates and with my body in discovering what types of food are supporting I have started to discover myself as the physical. But what I have learned first and foremost is how little I have been in my physical – that is even in itself an oxymoron that shows the absolute absurdity of how we have existed. Because no matter what we are in fact here in the physical – we are in fact here as the physical. So the fact that we can live in a way that is not physical, described not even being in the physical, but in a make-belief reality in our minds, ought to serve as a wake-up call that something is not as it should be in this world and in ourselves.

It is fascinating the belief that we must control the body through the mind, because that in itself is a form of dictatorship, where one part of the eco-system is placed above all else, as a god that dictates and decides how to live and interact. It is simply not an effective – or the best way – to exist.

So what I am looking at here is the understanding and progressing realization that the body is a multitude of equal parts, equal parts and make up a whole, the whole that is me walking around, living, typing, existing – this is the wholeness through and with which I can stand for what is best for all. As the entirety of me as the human physical body stand for what is best for all, all parts will operate optimally as they will all support each other and none will claim to be more or less than other parts. The body does not require a king or a god or a monocratic leader because it’s oneness consist of and exist as equal parts – the liver cannot exist without the kidneys functioning just like the blood and the heart work together.

It is about time that we as human beings start seeing that this is what is required on this planet, if we are to co-exist and not destroy ourselves through a simultaneous implosion and inflation of the world systems we live in and as.

The body is not a temple, but it is also not an object or a slave of consciousness. And furthermore: this entire point is in reverse; consciousness is not who I am or who we are. From that perspective consciousness is an artificial insemination that is ‘born’ from an accumulation of consequences, over and over until we began believing that all these excuses, justifications and lies, were who – and all we were.

The physical is here. The physical is the totality of what is here. And as I exist in and as a human physical body, I too am a part of that. There is no one to blame for what is here. All we can do is to as the whole take responsibility for the parts we are standing in and as, and as the parts we are standing in and as, take equal responsibility for the whole.

I am not the god over the body. I do not have ”a right” to do with the body as I please.

Realizing ourselves in the moments of opportunity becomes a lot easier and accessible as we stand one and equal in the group that is the community of the human physical body, feet grounding by gently pressing into the earth below us, ears alert, eyes open, back straight and breathing ourselves in and out, through the lungs, the blood stream, the heart. In that we can stand in self-support, all parts coming together in this moment of realization – equal and one, best for all.

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Anna
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Re: Anna's Blogs

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2012 – Who’s Voices are speaking in our Heads?
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/03/18/2 ... our-heads/

As I was listening to the interview Voices trapped me in my mind, I started looking back at my life and my experiences with voices in my head. When I was around 9-10 years old, I started noticing how there were several layers of thoughts in my mind. I started playing with it and discovered that I could sing in my head as the same time as I was thinking about something else. I got fascinated by it and the more I started looking at my thoughts, the more loud the thoughts seemed to become.

I remember how when I became aware of the fact that I was thinking that I started to verbalize thoughts in my mind as words and it became difficult to stop. Initially I was fascinated by it, i felt I was special and superior, but I also noticed how I constantly had conversations going on in my mind. It was as though I was sitting in a little bubble inside my head, that all ”who” I was, was this little bubble of consciousness sitting in my head talking about what was going on outside my eyes. I would talk and talk and talk about what I saw and heard. Exactly as in the interview, the self-speak in my mind started becoming nasty and judgmental once I started becoming a teenager, towards others as well as towards myself. The thoughts were mean and brutal and I would feel ashamed. The girl in the interview Voices trapped me in my mind explained how she refused to accept that the voices were herself and that she simply could not accept that she was not the sweet girl that she had believed and experienced herself to be. For her it became the end.

I had no doubt that the voices in my head were my own, in fact I instead identified strongly with the voices. It became my comfort. As I grew older the thoughts and self-talk as back-chat in my mind became patterns that ran and ran in loops, like a constant noise from a radio. In my mind I would analyze how I had acted in situations, if I had been good enough, what I had said. I would also plan how I would be in the future, if I were to meet a boy, how I would act, what I would say.

At the same time I turned my thoughts against myself. I hated myself, I despised myself and others. I created thought loops of self-judgment where I would repeat the same words over and over: ”I hate myself”, ”I am such an idiot”… over and over.

An interesting aspect of my relationship with judgment as back chat was that through out my life I have listened to my mom verbalizing her back chat as judgments towards herself and others. When we watched TV, she would comment on the clothes people were wearing, their faces, hair, body form and place judging remarks, nasty comments and spite. She did the same towards herself, saying that she was a bad mother or that she hated herself.

I would judge my mom for her judgment of others. I would literally talk nasty shit about my mom in my mind for being judgmental. And within this, in promising myself that I would never be like my mom, I started building and creating a personality – a self-belief, definition and ideal of myself as the opposite of how I saw my mom . So I started suppressing my own back-chat and judgment. I judged myself for being judging and I created this personality of someone that is ”nice”, ”warm”, ”tolerant”. I wanted to get as far away from how I saw my mom as possible. I wanted to get as far away from myself as possible. The more I suppressed the back chat, the more extensive it grew in the back of my mind and I would literally become possessed for days at a time, where I became completely apathetic and could do nothing but lay in my bed. It would take over my body and I would become tense in my back, shoulders, neck and in my legs.

After I listened to the interview Voices trapped me in my mind I started looking at when this pattern started with the voices in my head. And I saw that even when I was a small child and I experienced shock, I would start separating myself from my physical body. Ironically I have been using these thoughts to keep me pre-occupied and away from myself, even if the nature of the thoughts always, always have been self-centered. Even when I thought about others and how to support them, it would be part of my plan of making myself this ”good-natured” personality.

In the book New Earth, Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, Eckhart Tolle states the following:

”What a liberation to realize that the ”voice in my head” is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.”

I used to read Echart Tolle and loved quotes like this. I believed that it made me enlightened, uplifted and an upstanding citizen. But what does it actually imply? It implies that we are not responsible for what goes on inside us, for what we participate in and as, as thoughts, emotions and feelings. According to Tolle we are not the voice in our head – we are the observer that sees the thoughts and so we apparently become ”liberated” through separating ourselves from the voices in our head. Yes, that is liberating from the perspective that we then have a justification, with endorsement by the spiritual authority that Tolle has become, to not take responsibility for ourselves. It is like a permanent absolution or remission of sins for Catholics: ”it is not you, so don’t you worry about it” – sure that gives a form of temporary relief but then what when the thoughts and voices just keep coming, keep speaking? And what happens when we gather in social settings and spiritual gatherings and everyone else is apparently ”free” of thoughts and of the dense darkness of the material world and our inner shit just keep coming up? Who will we believe ourselves to be? I believed that there had to be something wrong with me because I could not get to that state of mind that I believed Tolle was in. I thought that there was something wrong with me because everyone else seemed so at ease, so comfortable.

A really cool thing about the interview on Voices trapped me in my mind that assisted me, was when she said that we are only able to judge ourselves because we separate ourselves from ourselves, the same with being hard on ourselves, self-hate and even these ideals we create about ourselves. We externalize ourselves and place ourselves in a relationship with the reflection we have created of ourselves in the splitting up of ourselves. This is what I have done even with and through walking with Desteni. And I can clearly see how I ironically have been holding onto the self-judgment in separating myself from myself because I wanted to hold onto the ideal image I had of myself as being tolerant, ”good natured” – anything that I saw my mother was not. And in looking back, I was exactly like my mother. I judged and despised her for being judgmental and no-one is responsible for that than me.

So what is the solution? Not to reject the thoughts or the voices in our head saying ”this is not me” – because it IS me – it is who and what I have created myself as, who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, through years and years of participation as the voices in my head, endorsing them, fueling them, holding onto them as myself. This is the point: the voices in our head ARE us – they are a part of us that we have separated ourselves from and thereby given away our self-authority to in doing that.

Thus, it is when I accept the fact that these voices, these thoughts, experiences, emotions and feelings are my own creation of myself in separation of and from myself, that I become able to change. In taking responsibility for the fact that this IS who and what I have created and accepted myself, I can make the directive decision to change. Because until, unless I do that, I exist in a self-made prison, a prison made up of bits and pieces of myself secluded into parts in my mind, into bits and pieces, existing only as that voice as those different voices in my head.

We cannot simply say ”this is not me” as a positive affirmation and then be done with it. That is not taking self-responsibility. That is not self-direction. What it is, is self-suppression in fact and it is a direct abdication of self-responsibility. It is fear of what is inside us, as us — and then only way we can change, is by facing that.

Through walking this process, I have experienced extensive difficulty with self-judgment, meaning that I have found it difficult to stop. Listening to this interview, assisted me to see that there was a point I was missing. I was missing the point that I have been unwilling to let go of my ideals, ideas and definitions of myself that was positively charged. And they were so based on a fear that I was becoming my mother. When I judged my mother, I saw her as I believed others would see her. I judged her as I saw her through what I believed were the world’s eyes, but it was my judgment of myself, it was me separating me from myself.

I could had looked at who my mother was within this judgment. I could have seen that it was her judgment of herself projected onto the world. I could have supported her to stop. I could have simply seen it for what it was and not participated. I could have learned to understand what judgment is and why it exist in the world. But I did not, because that is not what we learn in this world, that is not the pattern that has been established of how to live and exist. Instead we learn that we must unconditionally follow in our parents footsteps, take over from them, become like them — it is such an integrated rule that we do not even have to write it down in our constitutions or speak about it out loud. It is just the way it is.

No matter what – it is my responsibility because I created it within myself as who I am. I accepted the voices in my head as myself. I am the voices in my head that I have separated myself into and as. So it is my responsibility stop, stand up and change myself. See, the voices in my head might be who and what I have created and accepted myself as, but that does not mean that I have to stay this way forever.

Through participating with Desteni, the Destonians and especially through walking the Desteni I Process I have been assisted with tools and perspectives to actually, by my very own hand, to stop participating in thoughts and back chat. The difference is that we do not suppress the thoughts, we do not pretend that they are not us or who we have become — instead we embrace the thoughts and investigate them in detail, seeing exactly how we created them, one by one. For me this has been a continuous process and I see now that the idealized idea of myself has been a primary point as an obstacle with which I have placed road blocks for myself. So I am here, I am walking this process – I fall and I stand up. And if I can do that, anyone can.

Let’s walk.

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Anna
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Re: Anna's Blogs

Post by Anna »

That which I Fear, I Live
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/03/30/t ... ar-i-live/

Within and as living in and as fear of silence, I have silenced myself. Within and as living in and as fear of missing out, I have missed out on myself.

I forgive myself that I, in fear of silence, have accepted and allowed myself to silence myself, as self-honesty, as the inner voice of common sense, of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to silence myself and to make myself deaf to my own ears by and through preoccupying my mind with thoughts, emotions and feelings to silence out myself as self-honesty

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in fear of silence, it was myself here I feared, feared facing myself in the silence of simply being here, with and as all of who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I just silenced myself enough with self-talk in the mind and with TV shows and talk outside of myself, I could get myself, as that which I did not want to be or face myself as, go away – when in fact all I have done is carved myself further into a point of enslavement inside myself instead of simply facing myself here in self-honesty and as such release myself from the chains that is my own creation, as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I, in fear of missing out, have accepted and allowed myself to miss me, myself here, have accepted and allowed myself to miss out on myself here and on the moments of opportunity

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in preoccupying myself with and within fear of missing out on something “out there” as separate from me, I have deliberately missed myself here and as such manifested exactly that which I fear, as missing out, because the opportunity of participation is here with me, as me

I see that in living in fear, I have lived that which I have feared and as such I have made fear the directive principle of and as me.

I see that fear does not protect me or keep me safe from that which I fear, because it is through fear that I have created that which I fear as a living statement of and as myself.

I see that I am the directive principle of and as me, no matter what I accept or allow myself to live in and as or experience.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to experience and participate in fear of missing out, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back Here. I see that Here is where the opportunity is to live in a way where I will not miss out, because I am here.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to fear silence, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here, seeing and looking at in self-honesty what it is of and as myself that I have silenced. I push myself to embrace myself as silence in self-honesty as the hereness of me.

Join the Redefining Fear Facebook group for support and perspectives on stopping Fear.

Investigate Desteni and the Desteni I Process for extended information on what fear is and how fear can be stopped Join the Desteni Forum, a platform where beings come together from all over the world to write themselves out and stand up from Fear.

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Re: Anna's Blogs

Post by Anna »

A Pacifist is still a Fist – Passive Resistance as Active Acceptance
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/03/30/a ... cceptance/

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Re: Anna's Blogs

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Education of The Human – Best for All in an Equal Money System
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/04/03/e ... ey-system/

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Re: Anna's Blogs

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Fear of making mistakes - Self-Forgiveness and Realizations
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/04/07/f ... lizations/

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Re: Anna's Blogs

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Changing my Relationships with my Family starts with Myself
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/04/08/c ... th-myself/

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Re: Anna's Blogs

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Anna wrote:Changing my Relationships with my Family starts with Myself
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/04/08/c ... th-myself/
Anna, I sent this link to my mother and her sister, who have not been on good terms for trivial reasons. Is my desire to help them make up misplaced? In ways I feel that I can relate to their relationship with my relationship with my brother. And as I have progressed and begun to free myself of mistreating my brother, I feel able to help. When they responded today, my mom found it interesting and expressed how she likes the concept of walking a mile in another's shoes; her sister also found it interesting with the critique of it being verbose, expressing that he gets the point "e.g. change starts with me."

I don't think either of them get it. And I don't know if I should even be intervening like this, with tingles of self-interest. When I graduate this spring, I plan to go back home for an indefinite amount of time, and I don't want to make any more of the mistakes similar to what you were doing in the past with your family. In relation to my mom, should I only give her my perspective when she asks, is that the general rule of thumb?

Thanks :)

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Re: Anna's Blogs

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Daniel wrote:
Anna wrote:Changing my Relationships with my Family starts with Myself
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/04/08/c ... th-myself/
Anna, I sent this link to my mother and her sister, who have not been on good terms for trivial reasons. Is my desire to help them make up misplaced? In ways I feel that I can relate to their relationship with my relationship with my brother. And as I have progressed and begun to free myself of mistreating my brother, I feel able to help. When they responded today, my mom found it interesting and expressed how she likes the concept of walking a mile in another's shoes; her sister also found it interesting with the critique of it being verbose, expressing that he gets the point "e.g. change starts with me."

I don't think either of them get it. And I don't know if I should even be intervening like this, with tingles of self-interest. When I graduate this spring, I plan to go back home for an indefinite amount of time, and I don't want to make any more of the mistakes similar to what you were doing in the past with your family. In relation to my mom, should I only give her my perspective when she asks, is that the general rule of thumb?

Thanks :)
Hi Daniel. I suggest looking at the point of "tingling of self-interest", because that does simply not exist, exactly as one cannot be "a little self-honest." - Either you are or you are not, and only you can know that. So on the one hand you "feel able to help" yet on the other you don't know if you "should" be intervening. What I would look at here is, what is my starting-point? Do I see for myself what is common sense and direct myself according to it? Or am I acting based on emotions, feelings or morality as what I perceive/believe to be the "right" thing to do?

For years, I tried changing my family and "help" them, especially my mom - and every time, it just went south and either they simply didn't get it or a point of further separation was created - because I was not standing as a living example - I was standing as a point of knowledge, of apparently "knowing more".

So - once I realized this, I started focusing on myself - on walking my process. This does not mean that I cannot speak with my family or be with them - it simply means that my focus is not on changing or helping them, because I realized that to stand as any form of example, I have to change myself first.

There are no rules - what you do, is up to you. Only you can be self-honest with you.

I suggest looking at how come your focus is on helping your family instead of yourself, that i THE actual point here.

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Re: Anna's Blogs

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The History of Existence has Always been Known
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/04/10/t ... een-known/

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