Adult Tantrum and Parenting/Teacher

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Adult Tantrum and Parenting/Teacher

Post by Antoaneta » ... -fair.html

I am going to be opening up the point of when I experience as something not being fair according to my perception and how something I perceive as unfair makes me feel (within the individual picture) and then within the large picture asking the question "Is anything really fair in the way we have set up this world?"

My definition of fair is something that is supposed to be equal in it's distribution between people. And that would sound like a reasonable definition only the problem with that definition is that I am seeing things from my perception/mind ONLY of what that distribution should be based on my standing within the "equation" which is not necessarily fair once everyone is placed into the equation as a whole simply because without investigating what fair would be considering everyone I would not know what fair really is. The investigation itself takes one to see all points of views to establish what one would call fair/equal distribution. When when looking fair from my perception/mind can and most likely will be egoistic.

There are two examples that come within me:
1. That of a child who is unable to yet see/realize that others experience feelings just the same way that the child does and only complains or cries when something happens to them in which case they would say "that is not fair"- meaning that is not fair to ME because I feel uncomfortable.

2. Some time ago I walked the point of sharing chores in the household and I used to get mad when I felt I was the only one cleaning. I had the expectation that we can all distribute the chores equally (and equally meant the chore itself). At the time I had not considered the person's time and ability/availability to perform the task/chore. I used to say that "if I can do it- so can everybody else". There used to be a huge backchat and I would suppress it/internalize it until it accumulated and I blew up either in crying or yelling at the others in the household for not being part of a team. And I had to realize that each accept responsibility for themselves- thus 1. I cannot make other accept the responsibility, and 2. I had to become considerate of the others ability/availability. Thus I would say "it's not fair"

The phrase "it's not fair" is something that comes up within me a lot, however now it is not so obvious for me to see, because once I've walked the obvious points it goes deeper to points that I have to investigate further to realize that the origin point of them was that feeling of something being unfair to my perception/liking.

So how does this ultimately affect me as a reaction. I experience this in the form of inner anger. I have to remind myself that my mind system I've programmed myself to internalize and suppress. So I appear quiet, like everything is OK until it builds up in my backchat/reactions and it comes out in crying or yelling/defending my right/ego.

So I can look at this point on individual level of what happens personally to me in my life, as well as on a collective level of the world system where I would see something for example, like animal abuse, rape, murder, war as being unfair- not realizing that in reality the actual world system is designed to be unfair/unjust which is a reflection of our inner unfairness/justifications/excuses (MINDS) simply projected onto the world as a whole. Which is why we are equal participants to creating unfairness on the first place and then we go on and complain about it only when something personal touches our lives that we see as unfair because that is how it makes ME feel.

To be continued...
Last edited by Antoaneta on 13 Nov 2014, 05:14, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Adult Tantrum and Parenting

Post by Antoaneta » ... ntrum.html
We often refer to young children having a tantrum (crying, screaming, kicking, laying on the floor..). From an adult perspective this happens because the child does not yet know how to communicate what he wants, why he wants it, or understand why they cannot have something at that particular moment. It is also viewed as a way to express one's feeling and emotions because they don't yet understand what those are.

In my last blog I wrote about how I feel/experience unfairness from a personal point of view and how I essentially feel "attacked" when something is being done unfairly to me (from my perception/mind).
And within the feeling of being "attacked" I go on the defense. That may appear to be internalized or in me getting emotional and start to cry.
So this is basically an adult tantrum. The tantrum is how the adult reacts within the emotions and feelings by not investigating why one would feel this way on the first place, by not communicating but internalizing or communicating in a rude/defensive manner. So do we really grow out of the tantrum stage?

Not until we learn how to handle feelings/emotions, what they really are, how we came to program certain reaction within ourselves, how to investigate and clear them up so that we no longer go into the adult tantrum but handle situations with common sense understanding/seeing and realization.

Common adult emotions include but not limited to: jealousy, anger, envy (which is the negative charge)...resulting in the physical reaction of-screaming, yelling, becoming aggressive, crying, back chatting, inability to communicate without reacting.
And of course to counter the emotions we have the surge of feelings- happy, blissful...(which is the positive charge), and when the "happy", "blissful" charge ends we go right into the negative. And so we go on within our "lives" from positive to negative, negative to positive.
And when we fall into the negative we say "It's not fair".

Study and Investigate Desteni and EQAFE store to reeducate oneself to how to investigate feelings and emotions, how to stop the cycle of polarity and build oneself as a stable human being, because this is how we will truly become responsible and learn how to to what is best for all.

To be continued (taking this point of "it's unfair" to a personal point I need to walk so that I stop my adult tantrum one step at the time).

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Re: Adult Tantrum and Parenting

Post by Antoaneta » ... acher.html

In this blog I will be touching the point of my adult tantrum when it comes to my 2 year 7 month old son and my perception of what discipline is and how I will be correcting my behavior towards him.

"I ask my son to do something, he refuses- throws a fit (screaming). The screaming itself really irritates me- I feel it in my solar plexus. I want it to stop. First, I tell him nicely but he does not listen, which escalates my irritation- Second, I raise my voice. That does not help. Third, I get physical (force him to do what I asked him to do). He is wiggling around "fighting" me back screaming harder. Next my head is rushing with what to do next to make him stop screaming (thoughts are coming through my mind of spanking him to make him stop). But I don't do it I suppress it in and then I feel guilty for having those thoughts because I know that is not the way to do it as it does not set up a good example for the child and it only shows that hitting is Ok which then contradicts what I am trying to teach him/model for him (that hitting is not Ok).
My body is warm, I'm feeling angry until I get him to do what I wanted then we both relax a little but I still feel heaviness in my solar plexus. This time I want to tell him that I don't like what he is doing, how he is screaming so I use a high voice (coming from a reaction)- I feel it comes from anger that he refused to listen to what I asked him to do. It can be something as simple as me asking him to put on a jacket because it is cold outside. I've explained to him why he has to put it on but he is still refusing".
This reaction/feeling began before my son was born.
I worked in a day care with toddlers and some of them were having tantrums or hitting other children. As I recall it was then that I built this way of responding to the children who did not listen to me. I remember for the first time then having a hard time with a child in general. The first weeks were detrimental (with one child in particular who is what I would refer to as a “bully”, “getting in trouble”, “defiant”). I recall writing a blog about it saying that this job is supposed to show me something in my process- but instead I allowed it to built a reaction within me when it came to children who would refuse my directions and I did not know how to handle them. So as a "natural/programmed" reaction to their behavior I became defensive.
I started to say/believe that children as such must be disciplined and my definition of discipline became to not allow them to have/get their way (especially during a tantrum or whining) because that to me showed that they will start walking “over me” for anything else they wanted to do.
I questioned my way of approach but I did not know what other method I can use. My approach was effective to a certain extent but it did not prevent the behavior to stop overall or bring an understanding to the child to why their behavior is not acceptable, or nor did I look into why they were having this behavior on the first place and from there target my approach. That is because I was reacting.
So when my son was born I said to myself that I will do everything to make sure he is disciplined in doing what is right and that I will not allow him to get his way during tantrums. But I did not realize that until recently that I was also experiencing and participating in a tantrum through my way of approach- the adult tantrum.
Now that I work in pre-k I've come across some children with bad behavior/manners which played as a confirmation in my mind that this behavior is caused by bad parenting, by allowing the child to get their way which equals not being disciplined (students 3-5 who refuse to follow the teacher's directions and have a hard time participating in teacher guided/structured activities). And as my son is growing up- he started with screaming first, and now with saying “NO” to things I ask him to do- which in my head I make a connection to those children at my work and it only makes my goal of not allowing my son to get his way stronger because I don't want him to turn into one of THOSE children (I don't want to be the bad parent who did not discipline their child to behave, to be able to follow instructions/directions without any problems).
Here are some of the problems I have with my son that will cause a tantrum (mild or full blown).
-asking him to use the toilet
-sucking his thumb
-leaving my mom's/her husband (when I pick him up)
-taking a shower (he is Ok with washing in the sink- but put him under the shower and he screams)
-putting on a jacket and/or a hat
-not picking him up when he wants to
-not getting something that he is determined to get (not anything in particular, it can be a toy, food...)
-not wanting the clothes I am putting on him
-telling him how to behave in public places
-leaving the park
-leaving any place that he does not want to leave in that particular moment
-fighting me to place him in the car seat when he does not want to get in

And I have recently started to get notes from teachers in the day care saying that he is has moments where he will not play nice and start to hit and pull the hair of other children. So to me this is like my FEAR coming true- My child is not behaving good at school and as a teacher and a parent that is NOT OK.
So in the next blog I will begin SF on this topic to clear out the origin of my reaction and look into supportive ways of approaching my son and my students at work.

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Re: Adult Tantrum and Parenting

Post by Antoaneta » ... avior.html

Continuing from Day 80- I Am The "Bad" Parent/Teacher

Here I will be doing Self Forgiveness Part 1 on the my previous blog writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to Victor's screaming as that I approach him with the initial expectation that he will scream based on a pattern that I have allowed to be created in his screaming and my reaction and vise versa my reaction to his screaming.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let the irritation/anger reaction get to me even though in the back of myself I know that I should be stopping myself and that is NOT what I want to do about the situation but I am allowing myself to be already in motion of the charge of reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to escalate the reaction on a physical level where I would yell out at him to stop, or use force to do what I wanted him to do to which he refused and gave me resistance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the emotional charge of the irritation/frustration/anger at him to transform into a backchat of spanking him because I don't know how to handle the situation I am faced with and that I created for myself thus the reaction is that of overpowering him with words and because that does not work I start to have thoughts of spanking him as a final solution in my mind- which then I suppress because I don't act out on it and within me is like an inner battle of guilt for having such thoughts when I am aware that this is not the way to teach/model or make effective solutions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to realize that even though I don't act upon my back chat of sapnking him by suppressing the emotion/thoughts I actually take it out on him emotionally through my voice, way of movement, and choice of words towards him- where the words/tonality become about power/control (because I asked you to do it and you have to) rather than explaining and giving him common sense reasons to what I ask him to do (which I start off with but it quickly stops after the irritation towards his tantrum starts).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to make this into a pattern which is something I've thought about when being aware of how one can create a pattern or action/reaction however the way I had approach the though was from the starting point of fear of creating a pattern and behold- that is what I had started to create through allowing myself to react to his tantrums.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the creation of his tantrum instead of seeing/investigating a method that would work towards stopping tantrums instead of emphasizing/provoking them further.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for perceiving discipline as “not allowing him to get his way” and doing anything possible in my immediate “power” to make sure that he does not get his way which indicates to me that my starting point in asking him to do something has to do with control of the parent/child relationship instead of common sense and treating my child as an equal being (meaning no power relationship).

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing to realize that the control/power type of approach I have been using with him is actually a fear point within myself that my child will not be disciplined and follow directions. I see that as a teacher it is very important for the students to follow directions in the classroom and based on the experience I have had with certain children in my teaching years I have built a wall/expectation of what I should do in order to prevent my son from being undisciplined as how I perceive those children in my classroom to be. Within this I forgive for accepting my reaction of fear and the very first experience towards a child who I was as “out of control” that must be put back “in control” and the only way I knew what to do at the time was react towards the child's tantrum in anger/frustration and built the point of blaming the parent for not disciplining their child to behave thus I accepted the role of the fixer-upper of children with behavior issues, not realizing that I as a parent am creating such a point behavior by reacting to an experience I have allowed to define the word/action of discipline.

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Re: Adult Tantrum and Parenting

Post by Antoaneta » ... avior.html

Continuing from Day 81- Correcting My Parent Behavior (Part 1)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to carry the experience and creating the pattern of reaction towards not knowing how to handle/respond to children who refuse to follow my directions and within that having built a starting point with my son even before he was born of how I will discipline him according to my way/definition of discipline (which is nothing more than a reaction of defense from feeling “attacked” or “disrespected”).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to position myself in the offense towards the child that has disrespected me without investigating myself, my reaction, or even realizing that I am in a reaction within that moment, because my head is running with thoughts of how to “overpower” the child that is “attacking” me and because within that moment I am unable to consider the child and why they are acting out and that perhaps them acting out has got nothing to do with me personally but rather my approach towards them on the first place to which they are reacting to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live “discipline” as power/force/control over another rather than exploring and learning discipline as a living example of stability, understanding, commitment and who I am within the words I speak even if the child is throwing a tantrum, and also to not take the tantrum personal but see how my words/actions/example of stability can become supportive.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to look at discipline from the perspective of self-discipline before I am able to provide discipline to others/children as an example of myself, thus I need to work on my self discipline as to who I am within the core word/action of discipline, understand /see discipline/self discipline so that I can become an example of what it means to discipline self and another/child.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest/create my fear, where my son will behave “bad”, by allowing myself to react to him from the get go and within that reaction building a pattern for him where he will react to my reaction and once the pattern is created it will become his way of dealing not only with me but also with teachers and other people- and in terms I become responsible for creating the “bad behavior” within him because I did not approach him with stability and example of discipline- where what I thought was discipline (with force) backfires at me and creates the very thing I was trying to NOT create. Thus I realize that approaching someone with force (child or adult) is not the effective way take care of a problem and in terms is one way that creates what I would call “bad parenting”/ a child who behaves bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cope with my reaction by ignoring/ pushing away the child/my son when I know they will react to me and within that I allow myself to not accept self responsibility about my reaction that I have created and the reaction of the child/my son (which is a reaction towards me).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cope with my reaction by relying on another teacher (when it comes to work) to “take care” of the problem because I don't want the child reacting to me which ties up to me not wanting to accept responsibility for my reactions and child's reaction to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself as a “good” person-someone who is NOT selfish-someone who will not hurt another/ someone who portrays that I have good intentions- and this is portrayed because I am in denial that when I am in a reaction/ allowing myself to exist in a reaction I can actually become spiteful towards another and those traits have shown towards my son/ children (and used to be with other adult people) when I wanted to prove that I am right and that I will have the last word or get it my way just to be right so that I can be the “good” person doing stuff for others out of the goodness of my heart without considering other's position in relation to situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad as a reaction to someone finding my way of being “good” not to their pleasing- thus placing me in a situation where I have been selfish or in a way exposing my selfishness to which I become reactive because “how can I be selfish when I thought I had good intentions” which contradicts with my believe I have created about myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing NOT to realize that by not considering other's position in relation to the situation I am in fact being selfish because what I do is with the starting point of showing myself as "non selfish" person- more of a persona- while in actuality I suppress my selfishness by not acknowledging it and by NOT working through it/walking it out so that I can in fact be/live consideration.

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Re: Adult Tantrum and Parenting/Teacher

Post by Marlen »

Very cool self investigation here Ana, and so here the key aspect to realize within this tantrum situation:
because my head is running with thoughts of how to “overpower” the child that is “attacking” me and because within that moment I am unable to consider the child and why they are acting out and that perhaps them acting out has got nothing to do with me personally but rather my approach towards them on the first place to which they are reacting to.
In this then considering how we create our own conflict even before we actually interact with another, in this case your son, due to the memories you had in relation to dealing with other children and so in one's attempt to impose discipline to 'prevent' the same problems, one actually ends up manifesting one's fear because our whole starting point in that interaction is 'preventing them from becoming like other kids' and so it becoming a point of fear in fact, so yes how can we expect another not to react if the starting point of our relationship toward them is that of fear, of imposing discipline in a forceful manner etc. It makes perfect sense then that he is merely mirroring back to you your own fears/desires around his behavior, instead of as you've explained here: working on yourself, on your own stability, your own discipline and being an example of how to best establish a relationship with him.

Thanks for sharing!

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Re: Adult Tantrum and Parenting/Teacher

Post by Anna »

Something we discussed today on the DIP hangout in relation to a question about a child that wouldn't sit still was that the child is not actually 'the problem'. So in this context of a dinner party where the child had to sit still we discussed how the entire situation is actually constructed from an 'adult' perspective, you know, how adults like to sit still around a table, eat food and chat where as the child is wanting to move around. So then we talked about how a solution could be to look at the child's needs, for example of not having to sit still at the table just because that's what the adults wants the child to do. Obviously it all depends on the situation, the context and the child.

I've been working with this point in class, because I saw that I was getting frustrated in a class where some of the students weren't following my instructions. I then began looking at how I could solve the point and I eventually came up with the idea that it was me who was being too restrictive because I had an idea about how the lesson was supposed to go. I realized that within my need to control the lesson and how it played out there was actually a fear in terms of my own role as a teacher, what the children are 'supposed to learn' and how it could possibly be received if someone (their parents/other teachers) would see that I'm not doing 'normal school stuff' with them. So from all of this I decided to let go of my control. I decided to let them do what they do and more see if I can instead join with them and support them. So I did and it was very interesting. What I started to realize is that the students primarily need interactive exercises that's not just about reading and writing while they sit still. So as I started to incorporate that into my lessons, where they more switch between reading and doing physical exercises or otherwise interact/are creative I was able to teach them a lot easier. They were not disrupting or disturbing and they would happily join in.

So what all this has taught me, is to focus more on checking where the students are, especially if they're disrupting - because there might be something that I'm not seeing where they need and require a different type of lesson, especially focusing more on being physical and less on sitting still. Overall I've discovered that anything interactive is much more enjoyable for them, and even here they can still learn all the things they need to learn - but it can be in a fun and creative way. I learned that when I allow myself to let go of control, lean back and observe, I actually see a lot more and can see solutions that I hadn't considered before because I was too locked in an idea about how I wanted things to be.

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Re: Adult Tantrum and Parenting/Teacher

Post by Antoaneta » ... avior.html

Going down the list I made for when my son throws a tantrum and my self forgiving my reaction on it.
-Using the toilet:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have built the idea that my child has to be potty trained ASAP otherwise I am not doing my job as a parent (which is actually a reaction to seeing children who are 4 and still wearing diapers and wondering what were these parents thinking?), thus I forgive for accepting and allowing myself to push my son to sit on the mini toilet when he was 9-12 months (and then later at the age of 2 as he was transitioning to the big toilet) without considering my approach towards him because I had the starting point of “I am going to show all those other parents that children can be potty trained at an early age and anything other than that would be unacceptable".

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to consider my son, his ability and understanding when he was 9-12 months and accepting that perhaps I created a reaction within him regarding using the toilet since I was pushing him to sit and use it when he did not want to and within that creating a bad experience for him in relation to the toilet.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then pull back from this method/approach and then all of the sudden go full force on him at the age of 2 without considering that there has to be a transition time and still approaching potty training with the starting point of it is unacceptable if my child is not potty trained.

I forgive myself for NOT realizing that the reason he is presenting me with difficulty when using the toilet is because of my expectation as a starting point rather than considering my son and how he develops to approach the toilet and how I can assist him with it rather than push him to it.

I have been practicing a better method with him since my realization- which is to allow him to willingly go and figure out the reason as to why he will sometimes refuse. I have also been practicing the method of talking to him about it and guiding him towards the choice of sitting. Since he is starting to communicate with me better in using his words- he has told me that the toilet is cold. I would have never thought that this may be a reason for him to refuse to sit, which is ironic because I myself don't like a cold toilet seat but I am able to use my hands to sit on them and he is not. Since practicing this approach the tantrums about using the toilet have diminished. Now he just whines at first, and then agrees to sit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get irritated because he does not ask me to use the toilet when he needs to but just goes in his diaper.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to simply guide him towards starting to ask, by talking to him and explaining to him the same every time he does end up going in his diaper.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself NOT to be patient and understand that this takes time as it is my son that needs to show the initiative towards asking and I need to be patient about it and support him/guide him to learning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare children in relation to being potty trained and to judge parents on reasons as to why their children are still not potty trained at a age where they "should" be.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing to understand that children develop at t different pace and that there are more factors as to why a child who is capable of using the toilet would refuse to do so and chose to stay in diapers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place a judgement on a specific age where a child should be potty trained rather than seeing things from a practical perspective as to is the child physically able to use the toilet and does the child understand the toilet and what are some issues that may cause a child to refuse to use the toiler, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my self to impose an age limit on my son as to when he should be potty trained.

I forgive myself for NOT realizing that there are actual stages to potty training and that it will not happen over night and that there are many components to how the child sees/approaches the toilet and it is not one dimensional. Thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing an idea of what it means to be potty trained by skipping the process it takes to be completely potty trained (out of diapers and going to the toilet by one self when required).

Taking a shower:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and experience for my son where he is scared of the shower. I did this without consideration by rinsing him off just to clean him instead of nurturing him with the water- and I realize my method was not gentle which created a bad experience for him and he is now scared of the word shower and the idea of going under water.
To support this I stopped the showers and we do wash ups under the sink. Also, my husband has been of help as he has shown to me the patience of how I should have approached the shower with my son by nurturing him with the water and not “throwing” him in the shower just to wash him off quickly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush my son in the shower because I felt that I needed time for myself and did not consider what I was creating at the time and how I was not considering my son but thinking about my self which was a reaction towards my husband, actually, because I felt that it was unfair that I took the role of the primary care giver to my son and that left me with “no time to myself” (to which since then I have self forgiven and understood with the help of Sunette).

Jacket and Hat, Shoes and Clothes:

I forgive myself for not realizing that as my son grows up he will want to take the initiative towards putting on and taking off his clothes and that by me trying to put them on him especially as I reacted towards his tantrum about I, I was preventing him from developing this independence of self care. I am now aware that he is wanting to be able to choose his clothing, and put on the jacket, shoes, clothes by himself (even if he is not able to). I have learned and accepted to be patient and wait until he asks me for help before I do it for him.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush him and not give him the opportunity because again I was thinking about myself and my time, that we are in a hurry, that he needs to put on the clothes that I pick for him.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting, realizing, seeing that he is becoming of age where he starts to develop the will/ability to do things himself and that I should step back and allow for him to have guided choices, thus he can pick what he wants to where but it has to be practical and according to the weather.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see/realize that my son sees me (and everyone around him) and he is in a constant state of learning and that he will do what I do- if I get to pick my own clothes, put my jacket and shoes than he will want to do the same as part of his learning process.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to consider that his tantrum was his way of telling me because he could not use his words. Since I've backed up and he's started to use his words the tantrums have diminished and only once and awhile for other reasons does he refuse to dress.

I have also been practicing applying a stable voice in talking him through a tantrum when he does have one.

Not getting something that he is determined to get:

Within this I realize it is tied to his development of making choices and I realize that to guide him I need to give him a choice he can pick from, however sometimes a choice is not available and within those times I realize he is throwing a tantrum because he is not understanding why I am taking the choice away from him (this is yet to be developed for him).

I realize that in moments as such I need to remain stable and stick to what I have said to him even if he does not like it.

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Re: Adult Tantrum and Parenting/Teacher

Post by Antoaneta »

Anna, yes I agree as well that more interactive activities are fun. Even as an adult- I would prefer for myself interactive activities. Since I am in pre-k I have plenty of opportunities to provide interactive activities. However I still have students who have a hard time following directions. The problem is those students need extra attention and I am not able to give it to them as that would take away from the other children. I will write more on this topic as I move through the writings in this post.

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Re: Adult Tantrum and Parenting/Teacher

Post by Antoaneta » ... avior.html

Continuing from Day 83- Correcting My Parent Behavior (Part 3)

Today I am finishing the last part of this series.
Continuing from the list of things from the last blog.

Leaving the park or any place that he does not want to leave at that particular moment/not wanting to go to school, fighting me to place him in the car seat:

What I have noticed is that he is wanting to be more independent in the things he does or the things I used to do for him- and if I don't let him try he gets frustrated. So in the situation with the car seat- he has been wanting to put his own belt. Since I saw this I have been guiding him through with it because he really can't click in the belt yet but his determination to try and do is is persistent. For the park, the school, and leaving places he does not want to at the moment- I have been talking to him more about why we are leaving and remaining stable if he does throw a tantrum by talking to him as well as telling him what we are doing next. I realize that my reactions towards these points about Victor have been results from my starting point that I have been walking SF on. And him acting out on these points are also results based on my reaction/approach towards him.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT consider his method of communication with me- that he would be acting out on the first place because he does not have the vocabulary to express what he wants (that is for his younger year) and that I reacted to him acting out from the start because I was not understanding what he needed and I was frustrated and not able to read him/ his needs at the time- thinking that I was discipling him when in fact I did not realize that we were reacting to each other because I was not seeing his way of communicating with me and he was not understanding my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this to become a pattern that we played out even when he was starting to communicate with words because by then I had gotten it into my mind that I will be in control of his behavior and will not allow him to get his way, not considering his stages of child development because I was in the moments of reaction towards his tantrums.

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