Dag 446 – To give it my all – How the animals teach me what real support is
http://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/20 ... upport-is/
In december Witneus the female rabbit became suddenly very ill, pneumonia, I wrote about it during that days. Here I write an overview how this intensive support of her supported myself to get the best out of me.
For a few days just before she became clearly ill, she walked into the house more often and wanted to sit in the house for a longer time. I allowed her to do this, however sometimes I pushed her a little to go back outside again - the rabbits lived outside during that days and I was not sure how staying inside the house for hours should influence the thickness of their pelt. So, here I missed a sign of her and did not investigate why she wanted to stay inside the house for longer. Rabbits are prey-animals and they do not show when they are ill and when they show, the illness is often already present for a longer time. However they do give some signs when we really are aware and this was a sign from her that I did not take seriously.
The day that I noticed there was really something wrong was when she was sitting with her nose in the air. I have had a rabbit in the past who was sitting with her nose in the air for many days but for the rest being normally active, eating normally, so I did not have a clue that there was something going on with her. Until she was suddenly one day that ill that it was too late to do anything; pneumonia as I heard at the vet. However, I learned this that time and saw it immediately now when the nose was in the air. I also had to go to work that day and did not know what to do in the short time before work. I called my collegue and discussed; he would try to find someone to replace me (I often work alone in a healthstore) and I said I would be a little late. She sat down in her hutch outside, in the nightcabine which is more closed and warmer. I moved on to work. On the way to work I started seeing what was bothering me, which was the point that I was not clear on where to housevest her and the malerabbit (they lived together outside the house and I have a pretty small room inside the house where also another quinea-pig was living). I saw that I would take her in the house and could leave Casper - the male rabbit - outside. It seems strange that I could not see this clearly immediately however this is how the mind works and what I am already walking for years while taking care of the animals, that somewhere in the practical care-taking when they become ill I loose sight, get stuck and do not see a practical solution. Actually it is a little bit of an apathic reaction which is not cool, as with these small animals, you have to be fast and take action immediately otherwise it can be too late.
So, I had my solution, in the afternoon a collegue could replace me and I could go home. At home I immediately took her into the house and knew I had to go to the vet. It was friday night and the last consulting-hour before the weekend so I had to catch this one. I called my parents to drive but one was out with the car so it was not possible to bring me. I have another option to go by bus and walk 2x 10 minutes which is less comfortable (for the animal and me as well) but anyhow pretty well doable. Here again I saw myself linger, thinking about asking the neighbour or taking the bus and saw, okay, I have to push myself and I have to do it fast otherwise I am too late for the bus and the consultinghour. So I did, I pushed myself through this lingering, took her in a basket and went to the bus. At the vet, they confirmed that it was pneumonia, gave her anti-biotica and explained me that pneumonia with rabbits is a risk for their health as they produce very thick mucus in the lungs that is not easily going away and so, the chances to survive are not so large, however there are rabbits who make it. They also told me that she was quite sick already. I had seen this too, however I also knew her al the years before and she had never been sick and been in good physical condition and very enthousiastic to live and also, the symptoms were not that long present so, there was a chance she could make it.
I went home, left her in the small basket, put a warm-water bottle with her in the basket and some green-food for if she was able to eat something. And so we passed through the night. The days after this, she had a lot of difficulties with breathing, sat with her nose in the air all day and a little bit standing up, with her forelegs against the warm water bottle that I put down their so that her breast would be a little bit warm. She could barely eat but she had to. So I gave her fluidfood with vessels especially for sick rabbits. Besides this I went outside and took everything that I could find that she might like and easliy eat, like dandelion, plantain, clover, yarrow, chickweed and some grass. It was winter but very soft weather so I was lucky as there was still some green findable. She did not eat by herself but when I hold it before her consistently she would take some eveytime and actually even made some funny jokes with this, as taking it out my hand and put it away on the ground for example when she did not want it anymore, and when I hold on tight, she could not take it away but instead the leave teared apart and she had again some food in her mouth which she chew on. Until she showed me that she really had enough.
She lost weight of course and we found a rithm of fluid food 2x a day and 1x a day anti-biotic and 1x a herbal conbination with colloidal silverwater and a drop of vitamin D to reduce the mucus and to support her lungs and immunesystem. I did this all together for 4-5 weeks very intensively, I slept down in the same room with her (I have a sleeping-couch there) and only went out longer for work. And within this period, I learned the most important point: to give it my all. I knew and noticed that I had to give it my all to pull her through this and that I had to do every little thing that I saw as important for her, very small things as getting the food she would like most, giving it to her often, checking at her, being consistent in the medicines, actually being totally here for her.
I have seen Bernard doing this at the farm and heard this in stories about him, giving his all in very small things, seemingly points that looked as 'not so important' or even out of proportion. This is what I within my mind, allowed to take over in the past while taking care for the small animals, as actually I had the tendency to give it my all but had some thoughts and beliefs about this as 'not suitable' or 'too much' because it is 'only a rabbit'. It was not how I consciously saw it myself but however, allowed myself this behaviour just because this is the common approach of taking care of animals. So actually I did not really stand up for them as myself. I also had a belief during that days, that dying is something maybe even better than living, which is actually a point of religious brainwashing and so I had a tendency to let them go more easily instead of investigating everything completely before doing so. So it was more about 'who I am within' than actually neglecting the caretaking that was not alligned within myself with what is best for all. This combined with the lingering and apathic behaviour of myself when I needed to take action immediately and coming up with practical solutions and also very important or even the most important point of influence, not having a car and not having so much money and the vet costs always a lot of money, again combined with living alone and grown up within an experience of having to decide a lot of things by myself; well all this points together I faced while taking care of the animals. And everytime a small animal became sick I could pick up the point I learned from an animal in the past and a new point came up that I had to learn and integrate. So, with Witneus, she was the first who I have given my all - and people who knew me before would say, but you always did this isn't it? You are always so very carefull with the small animals. Just to give you an idea of what 'giving my all' entails; the 'being carefull' as I was before, is not enough. It is not the same as giving my all and letterly pull the animal through with everything I have where instead of this, somehow and somewhere, I let them go and so actually I let them down. In very small points which are easily to be excused. But every excuse is one excuse too much. So, there were no excused in this period with Witneus and I just took on everything I saw that needed to be done and as long as was necessary until it's done, walking it day by day without knowing how long this would take and without knowing if she would make it. As this was not the most important thing, it was important how we walked through and who I am within.
Well, she did make it. After the period with anti-biotic, she had still difficulties with breathing and so with eating, as eating and sitting with her nose in the air to breathe at the same time, is very difficult. So, discussing this with the vet again. They said that the anti-biotics is done, the bacteria is gone so she needs something for the alveolus, for the lungs, to get more air. Something similar as they give to people who have asthma and then for animals. So she got that, and almost the same day it became better. Within a few days she ate by herself, and she eated all day because she was actually very hungry and had to get some weight. I gave her this medicin 2x a day and also the herbs and some colloidal silverwater and vitamin D for 3 weeks and she became stronger and recovered within this period. after this I went back to 1 time a day, and again after some weeks 1 time a day I started to half the dose of the herbal combination and staying with 1 time a day the medicine for the alveolus. With this I will move on some weeks and then probably stop the herbs and go on regurly with the medicin for the alveolus as this is recommended by the vet, based on experience with other animals that when stopping for a longer period they often start getting difficulties with breathing again.
The point of not really be aware of the signs before they become ill, this came back with the male rabbit who died last week. I wrote about this also. The short period of decisionmaking and support in passing away went well as I learned to discuss these kind of things with the vet and if necessary with someone who is able to see with me. However the point of this small signs before becoming ill I had not actively responded to, I noticed it again but did not respond, I did not pick it up and so, after Casper had passed away, I saw this point still being her and interfearing with my decisionmaking and taking action within the moment of illness. So this point I have to correct in writing and then walk again in real time when the moment is here. Actually I saw that I did not consider myself in this, in what I actually wanted as being some more closer with the animal for a while - meaning inside the house, some hugging, but again, of not knowing how to do this practicle I did not take this seriously and so I actually am not taking seriously myself within this point, which is harming myself as another living being. And because of staying in this 'not knowing how', I do not start investigating it and so I do not even give myself a chance to find a solution that is practical and best for all including me. So this is what I am moving on with. As this point is making it more difficult, when and as an animal (or human) dies, as I have seen that after this passing away of another living being who we lived close with, the points come up where we did not give it our all and so we feel sadness, which is actually a feeling of regret of missing out on moments of opportunity to share, to be intimate from a starting-point of self-intimicy. The animals did not miss these moments, it are we as human who miss them because we miss ourselves and we need to walk a process to become one and equal with and as ourselves. And if we do not do so, we will face this within and as ourselves when and as we die ourselves.
Actually what I describe her in very small points, is what is going on in the world on a very large scale. From the small to the big, it is the same point and only in the small, within the situation that we are living in and being able to direct, the changes will start taking place, if we are willing to see and to take ourselves seriously within this. Life is showing itself in very very small points, it is vulnerable and strong at the same time and this is what we easily and on a daily base, walk over and ignore. So we ignore the being vulnarable and we miss the being strong within this. And as long as we ignore, we do not have to pick it up, we do not have to face ourselves as being vulnarable and so we do not have to change ourselves and, we will never become one and equal as strength as life as our full potential. So we see, there is something wrong, but we are not really aware of it and we do not dare to really see into this as we do not yet know the solution and so, decide to ignore. Which leads to a survivalmode where in we act and pretend being 'strong' but which is actually weakening ourselves and life as a whole, which is quite visible in the world today.
Ignorance is a decision although it seems as we do it 'automatically' but actually, every time we ignore something it is a decision, in every moment. So to stop the ignorance, this is a decision too. First it is to stop the ignorance and within this, we give ourselves a chance to look, to see, to 'not know how to do this', to forgive ourselves for what we see and what we do not know yet, for what we have allowed to exist within and as ourselves, to investigate and discuss a solution, to correct ourselves and make a new script as an ability to change and to eventually, actually change in physical reality as the final proof to and as ourselves that we have walked a process to selfchange, from ignorance, apathie and an experience of powerlessness towards consideration, self-movement and practical solutions.
We will not get proof on forehand that it 'will work' as the only proof possible, is walking it for and as self. We will become the living proof or we will not see any proof at all. So waiting for a proof before starting, it's not gonna work.
Starting within the small, starting to take self as life seriously as within this, one will start taking life seriously in/as everyone.
So does this mean that 'I am ready' now? That I have learned to 'give it my all' in every moment? No. I have learned this within this one point. Where in it became very clear to me how and where I am actually not doing this which is in many other points. This is a process to walk as the resistance to do this has been integrated in many ways within myself and my physical body so it requires walking a process day by day, consistently and continiously, to deprogram myself within this and become the living proof of myself in and as my full potential.
Will you walk with me, with us?
And a Dutch blog about the care taking of Witneus the rabbit when she was ill:
http://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/20 ... voorbeeld/
(On my blog under the catogory 'Dieren' (Animals in Dutch) one can find all the blogs related to animals - many are written in Dutch: