The other day I decided to pick a word I would practice throughout the day - this is the process of becoming Living Words. The word I decided upon was presence/present. The reason I chose this particular word was because I saw it would be most supportive for me, in terms of where I'm at in my current process, and who I am throughout my days. So presence was chosen to assist and support myself to become more aware of myself in each moment, to bring myself back to the application of breathing - to let go of any thoughts or future projections, and to simply be in the moment; engaging in what was going on around me.
Though what I found almost immediately was a physical discomfort throughout my day. My partner and I were driving to the nearby town to do some shopping - it's like a mini road trip I always look forward to. Though sitting in the car during the drive, and walking through the stores, it was like I was physically all twisty and turny and couldn't find a point of comfort.
I decided I must not be practicing the word good enough - I couldn't possibly be present if I was so physically uncomfortable. Basically the whole day I felt as if it just wasn't working - and it was maybe the wrong day to practice such a word.
Then I realized something. I realized that I had attached a positive definition to the word 'presence/present' - and that when one is present, one is stable, and comfortable, and in a way, enjoying and engaging in one's reality, with a nice little positive energy charge to it. So in how I have been defining this word, and when I decided to practice it throughout my day, I had already set myself up for failure in a way. I had expected a certain experience in practicing being present... there was only a positive experience to be had. And so - when I did not have that positive experience, but an actual rather uncomfortable one - I was disappointed. I thought something was wrong with the word, something was wrong with me, and it just wasn't going well at all.
The reality though - and here's the kicker... I was actually practicing and living the word presence/present throughout my day. I was present of the state of my physical body. It just happened to be uncomfortable for whatever reason. In fact, it could be how my physical body always experiences itself - yet most of the time I'm not practicing being present, and aware, I'm just going along with my day, looking at and entertaining whatever thoughts or reactions come up in my mind.
So the word was existent within me throughout the day, I would bring myself back to breath, I would focus on the conversations I was having with my partner, and I was engaged in the shops we went into. I was 'here'. I was just physically uncomfortable. That doesn't mean I wasn't present.
So that was an interesting point for me to realize... that in this redefining and living words process, we have to check our expectations, because they can set us up for disappointment. What this showed me was the limited definition I was giving to the word... defining it to be ONLY positive.. when in actuality, it's just a word. Presence is to be aware of who one is, internally, and externally, and actively engaging in the environment around us. It doesn't have a preference to be positive or negative... that is where the definer comes in.
So here I was supported to expand my definition of the word Presence, and to flag those future moments of when I practice new words to live... to not have any expectations of what it will be like, or how I will experience a new word when applied.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word Presence or being present as being comfortable and stable and so when I wasn't, react within thinking and judging myself and the living word as 'not working', or not 'doing it right'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe if I'm physically uncomfortable then I'm not being present, instead of realizing to be present is to simply be aware of oneself and one's experience - without judging it, or defining it within a point of polarity
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word presence/present within a positive energy charge and so to within this definition, have an expectation on how that word is to be lived... within a positive experience, when in reality words are not biased as being positive or negative experiences.. they are just words.
When and as I see myself practicing living words throughout my day, I stop and I breathe. I check within myself to ensure I don't have any expectations of how that word is supposed to be lived or experienced and so I commit myself to understand the definitions I have given to words are in fact limited definitions, and that this process of becoming the living word is to expand oneself as words... to free words and myself from the positive/negative polarity constructs and to rather see words for what they are... how they can be practically, physically lived in the context of what is best for myself, and so what is best for all.