Using adversities/obstacles in life for self-expansion - 17 May 2017

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Using adversities/obstacles in life for self-expansion - 17 May 2017

Post by Leila »

9:02 PM Marlen Vargas
set the channel topic: Using adversities/obstacles in life for self-expansion - We'll start 5 after the hour
9:05 PM Cerise Poolman
9:05 PM Carlton Tedford
9:05 PM Tormod Hvidsten Gjedrem
9:05 PM Marlen Vargas
ok let's start!
9:06 PM Marlen Vargas
set the channel topic: Using adversities/obstacles in life for self-expansion
9:06 PM Alexander Boon
Hi everyone.
9:06 PM Marlen Vargas
So today I’d like us to open up the experiences that are most common when we encounter ourselves stumbling upon those ‘big fuckups’ or situations where ‘shit happens’ in our lives and recall what are the most common ways in which one may react to it,
9:06 PM Miranda de Haas
9:07 PM Marlen Vargas
Here an example: say one has worked really hard to present a project at school or a particular task for your job and you spend a lot of time investing on it, money wise, time wise, skill wise and when it’s all done and ready, you are transporting it to its delivery spot and, someone crosses your path and it all falls apart, is completely trashed/comes to shit, the project/job/thing you built is completely useless, ready for trash, total loss
9:07 PM
Now this is only a way to illustrate any other situation where we might see something ‘lost’ or ‘fucked up’ in one moment in our lives that one had come to accomplish with 'hard work' or a lot of time/effort and is suddenly GONE, can you relate to this?
9:07 PM Matti Freeman
yes, how do we 'pick up the pieces'
9:08 PM
sometimes literally
9:08 PM
9:08 PM Marlen Vargas
9:08 PM Joe Kou
i tend to first blame life, the universe, and everything and then i justify going into a funk about it
9:08 PM Marlen Vargas
yes exactly here we can open up who are we in the face of this 'total big fuckup moment!'
9:08 PM
exactly joe so let's first look at the usual reactions
9:08 PM Maite Zamora Moreno
or, like, when you write out a really long document and you didn't save it once while typing it out and then your computer freezes and it's ALL GONE
9:08 PM Randy Krafft
one of those "
9:08 PM Joe Kou
'no matter how hard i try, or what i do, shit just fucks up. so what's the point. life just wont let me get ahead'
9:09 PM Randy Krafft
"Are fucking kidding me" moment.
9:09 PM Marlen Vargas
blame is a biggie, blame the other person that crossed our path, get angry, pissed, completely going nuts about it
9:09 PM Matti Freeman
with such events in the past I've found my mind typically goes to whatever underlying fear actually exists in me -- for instance, losing money, losing someone's approval -- losing something
9:09 PM Marlen Vargas
yes randy exactly
9:09 PM Joe Kou
9:09 PM Marlen Vargas
exactly @maite goes in various ways where we are in that 'oh my god this cannot be' moment
9:09 PM Joe Kou
9:09 PM Miranda de Haas
Oh yes @maite that happend to me, more than one time. I freaked out, self pity, crying
9:09 PM Carlton Tedford
Yes I can relate maite
9:09 PM Marlen Vargas
yeah that's another dimension to it @joekou or 'why me??'
9:09 PM Matti Freeman
like the mind activating with 'now I will have to do this and that', and 'oh shit now this and that will happen'
9:09 PM Adam
yes like a moment of seeing irretrievable loss
9:09 PM Cerise Poolman
oh yeah the fear of loss grips me
9:09 PM Matti Freeman
and 'now I won't be able to do this or that'
9:09 PM Maite Zamora Moreno
my first response is 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' - with this wish that maybe, just maybe, by saying 'no' - reality will change and all will be as it was just a few minutes ago
9:10 PM Joe Kou
lol maite
9:10 PM Cerise Poolman
shock, like a petrification
9:10 PM Matti Freeman
and also --- 'how can I have let this happen'
9:10 PM Tormod Hvidsten Gjedrem
anger and depression, first angry and reactive and then taking it back to self and being mad at self and ending up depressed from all the commotion
9:10 PM Joe Kou
yeah i do that too. maybe if i become frustrated enough life will cut me some slack
9:10 PM Marlen Vargas
yep, like oh god, but what if I had not crossed that path in that moment, what if I had taken a different road, my response is 'we could have prevented it' like not accepting the fact that 'shit happens' literally
9:10 PM Matti Freeman
'how could I not see this or that / do / consider this or that'
9:10 PM Marlen Vargas
yep tormod that's very common
9:10 PM Joe Kou
maybe if i rile against it enough things will be less of a dick to me
9:10 PM Cerise Poolman
often I blame first, then have to ground myself and look at where my point of self responsibility was
9:11 PM Marlen Vargas
so! Yes, shock, disbelief, anger, depression, fear of loss, blame, giving up on whatever effort it will take to 're-do' the project/thing again
9:11 PM Carlton Tedford
I done this when making music, where after I get the majority of it done the computer crashes, like no.
9:11 PM Joe Kou
yeah i go into "fuck it then. i'm done. not going through that again. not ever"
9:11 PM Marlen Vargas
so yeah let's start looking now at the ways in which this moment of 'shit happens' and what comes next within us can be realigned to something supportive and in fact even beneficial to ourselves
9:11 PM Matti Freeman
@cerise - yep. I find that once I identify what's my responsibility within it all, it becomes clearer what actions are now required to be taken. Because when wrapped up in blame one is not in solution mode
9:12 PM Marlen Vargas
yeah @carlton have heard of that also with video editing for example, lol big test for patience/nerves
9:12 PM Cerise Poolman
9:12 PM Marlen Vargas
so yes! let's start looking at points of clarity in those moments instead
9:13 PM Matti Freeman
What I'm finding in such moments that happen currently in my life, is that my relationship to the situation is quite different from what it was in the past - where, now I more quickly go toward -- what can I learn / what did I miss
9:13 PM Marlen Vargas
self-responsibility definitely, upfront, not blaming, is what I've fond to be the number one stabilizer - sure, another person crossed our path, but takes two to tango, there's a responsibility in it and the fastest one can see one's doings and mistakes in the moment, the clearer it becomes to take the next steps to actually SORT out the situation.
9:13 PM Matti Freeman
instead of fixating on how fucked things are now and how 'this wasn't supposed to happen'
9:13 PM Carlton Tedford
I soon come to grips with it, then tell myself to start over, then for some reason it comes out better.
9:14 PM Marlen Vargas
yep exactly @mattifreeman and immediately then looking at how can I solve the situation, what do I need to fix, how can I get this 'thing' done again this time taking sufficient precaution, planning and prevention, the 3P's !
9:15 PM Matti Freeman
yep and also an important realization being that -- we can never prevent everything - we're not 'above' bad things happening to us
9:15 PM Tormod Hvidsten Gjedrem
I tend to want to heal it all. like to work on sf on all points, and delete the whole thing/event before learning from it
9:15 PM Marlen Vargas
exactly, so here what we can learn is in those moments instead of going into all of the 'big fuckup' emotional outflow, one can instead immediately take a breath and jump right into 'what can I do in relation to this? how can I sort it out, what can I reuse of what is 'broken' or 'turn to shit'? How can I rebuild/re-do this thing again even better than it was before
9:15 PM Randy Krafft
well, it's a result of living with who I lived with for so long, where I know to ask myself "Where was I when it happened?" meaning, wa s I in my head about something or, was I Here, present in that moment?
9:16 PM Tormod Hvidsten Gjedrem
me being in rush basically to remove the happening from me
9:16 PM
to weed it out lol...
9:17 PM Marlen Vargas
@tormod that's an interesting point, because learning from it is actually a key aspect, to see where we missed reality where such 'shit happens' situation came to be, sometimes there is a clear point of 'missing reality' or 'missing attention/focus' on what we were doing, sometimes it may as well be that something falls of the air upon that 'something' and crashes it to shit, meaning it may be a random event, but in this, then first to accept the fact that 'it happened' and moving on directly/straight to sort it out, seek out solutions, resource support, seek better ways to stand up from that point again
9:17 PM Maite Zamora Moreno
it depends on what the point is, but what I get hung up on the longest is the 'accepting that this happened' - where I get stuck either in creating an experience around what happened, how things could have been different, what I could have done different, judging and blaming myself or others - like everything 'about' and 'around' what actually happened - once I take that breath and look at the mess and just accept that: this is the mess I have before me, I don't tend to have difficulty to move from there - like the solution is in a way always obvious/clear so long as you simply look at what is here/in front of you on a practical and physical level
9:17 PM Carlton Tedford
So now when things/mistakes happen, I stop everything and take a breath, then look at what I could have done differently.
9:17 PM Randy Krafft
that was always her first question when I'd tell her about things like that happening.... :slightly_smiling_face:
9:18 PM Marlen Vargas
that as well @randy definitely what we can learn and take with us from this kind of situations, to also be willing to see 'where was I' in that moment, and in that we also make of these moments/situations something we can then spot our weaknesses on
9:18 PM
it might have been just a 'one moment' where we were rushing, distracted or in any sort of 'loss of focus' that things may unfold in a consequential way, so taking this point for self-awareness for the rest of our lives is definitely a key point as an initial step
9:19 PM Matti Freeman
@maite yes I've found the 'accepting that this has happened' to be quite relevant to me - in terms of letting go of the 'alternate' timeline / reality that I'd actually been projecting / seeing before me up to the point where the 'event' happened
9:20 PM Marlen Vargas
carlton yes, but also moving on to directly sorting it out. Say you lost a whole track or document written out, so instead of going into the oh shit damnit this happened why me, punching the wall, breathe and starting over, and even taking the previous experience of what you had created to then do it even better, take necessary precaution to go saving the work, and that's where the expansion point comes
9:20 PM Matti Freeman
like when Bernard died for instance - seeing how much I'd actually been projecting all kinds of future events in my mind - like, moving along this timeline in my mind
9:20 PM Maite Zamora Moreno
yes @mattifreeman
9:21 PM Randy Krafft
indeed @mattifreeman
9:21 PM Carlton Tedford
Oh yes marlen for sure
9:21 PM Randy Krafft
and we do that sooo much
9:21 PM Marlen Vargas
yes! very supportive to not go into 'what ifs' because that locks-up in 'the moment shit hit the fan' instead of actually moving on to stand up, get back on track, move on, sort it out and learn from the mistake/point
9:21 PM Matti Freeman
and then - something happens which pierces the timeline and now there's this blank spot you're in where - it's like your lifeline in a way has been taken away and -- you have create a new timeline from scratch
9:21 PM
realizing that - actually the projected timeline of the future -- isn't really real
9:21 PM Dan Malara
it's all in the starting point
9:22 PM Randy Krafft
yes matti
9:22 PM Maite Zamora Moreno
can you rephrase that last bit mattifreeman - not sure I'm following
9:22 PM Marlen Vargas
what do you mean by the starting point @dan in this context?
9:22 PM Matti Freeman
maite - where, when some shocking event happens which upsets / derails what you'd previously been seeing as 'the likely sequence of events into the near future'
9:23 PM
and like, where you in some way are having an experience of looking forward to / expecting things to go a certain way / a certain path
9:23 PM Dan Malara
how the timelines unfold how they do, and that our point of responsibility is always in the purified, principle starting point of every timeline we interact with
9:23 PM Matti Freeman
and then that gets derailed by an event that happens where - something is removed from your reality and thus - what you saw as the 'near future' can no longer come to pass as you were expecting
9:24 PM
and you're stuck with purely - what's happening in real time, right now
9:24 PM Marlen Vargas
Another example is when one has placed a lot of effort to do this 'thing' or project for someone and then they tell us 'it's no longer required' and the usual reaction is to go into oh wtf they should have told me I spent a looong time on this and now it's all for nothing !" that type of situation, instead of rather accepting the facts of 'it no longer being needed' and rather look at "ok what did I learn about myself in doing/completing/making this task/project? What aspects did I get to expand my skills on doing so?' where we don't then focus on the 'outcome' and seeing it as a failure, but rather also on the learned points throughout the whole process of getting something done, meaning, not seeing it all as a 'loss' or 'done for nothing'
9:24 PM Joe Kou
my special projected future, where i invested so much energy - goes poof
9:24 PM Randy Krafft
yes, @mattifreeman , where we've already been there in our mind - projected ourself into the situation
9:24 PM Marlen Vargas
yes where events/things happen where a part of a 'secured future' gets challenged through this kind of events
9:25 PM Joe Kou
and suddenly i feel like i have lost something and the ground i stand on now, without being able to go to the future i projected, feels uncertain, unfamiliar, insecure
9:25 PM Marlen Vargas
and where we can then also apply being flexible, accepting reality, what's here and using what we got to stand up from it again
9:25 PM Maite Zamora Moreno
ah okay - I'm with you mattifreeman
9:25 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
ah like a hope point gets removed
9:25 PM Valentin Rozman
Yes, basically all relationship breakups are also a form of some structure and projected future has been destroyed. Especially when it was several years of living together, planning the future and then suddenly the partners announces that they are leaving and you have to realign your whole life.
9:26 PM Marlen Vargas
so yes, several dimensions to where we take in essence a specific outcome 'for granted' and in reality this is challenged by these 'unfortunate events' or 'shit happens' situations where I have found that it says a lot about who we are in the way that we respond/react to these events
9:26 PM Matti Freeman
this is where I'm finding that words which I've effectively redefined to supportive real-time living -- I actually live in such real time moments where 'the future' gets derailed and I'm stuck with only what's happening now - where any form of certainty of what's going to happen next - has been removed
9:26 PM Carlton Tedford
I can relate to that valentin.rozmon
9:27 PM Maite Zamora Moreno
that's indeed also a cool reminder that: even when you see what could potentially happen based on where you are now, what you are doing/working towards and that it is very POSSIBLE that the future will be a certain way - you never really know what's going to happen, things can always change/shift unexpectedly and so to not already 'lay claim' on a 'possible future' as though it is set in stone
9:27 PM Dan Malara
mattifreeman - it's like we have all these expected timelines of events in and throughout our day, and many of them are just entrusted to the mind, repetition, over time. And to be kicked into real-time, scratch canvas, each time reality doesn't mesh with the plan/expectation.
9:27 PM Marlen Vargas
yes @valentin.rozman that's another example of 'things falling apart' and then sure going through the whole 'separation' process but at the same time continuing to plan, 'recalibrate' how we are going to move forward, continue on with one's life, consider new paths/ways, which is then the whole solution oriented mindset to cultivate
9:27 PM Dan Malara
then who are we as the seed
9:27 PM Matti Freeman
yep exactly @dan
9:27 PM Marlen Vargas
yep @maite indeed, and this kind of events/situation as ' minimal' or 'big' as they can be are indeed such challenging points for us
9:27 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
yes its kind of a pandoras box those moments - where yes something shitty happened but then there's these huge shadow cast behind it of our own making that is turned loose
9:28 PM Maite Zamora Moreno
yes - those events in a way are our reminders that: all you ever truly have is yourself in a moment: who are you going to be?
9:28 PM Kim Amourette
sThere is something I have also learned specifically when making vlogs and things keep interfering, like it's not recording when i thought it was, battery dies, cat jumps on the keyboard, etcetera - and I am having to make the same vlog over and over again to get a "decent" version. I know now that when those things happen, it's cause there are points I am missing. So the "fucking up" is in a way specific, not just to face reactions i may have been in but also in a way like it's me as life letting me know that I need to approach or do it differently in order to include and bring accross all the necessary information.
9:28 PM Marlen Vargas
yes @dan and that's where focusing on regrowing the point, remaking it, sorting it out, learning from it comes in place as a decision of 'who I am' in moments where 'shit hits the fan' or something 'unexpected' happens, so that's the gist of the point here
9:28 PM Valentin Rozman
This is why I have in my blog posts so many times after doing forgiveness made strong commitments that I will be always aware about the possibility of something unplanned can happen in any moment. Life can in every single moment turn into very different direction.
9:28 PM Randy Krafft
oh, indeed @leilazm , "of our own making" being the key
9:28 PM Dan Malara
"recalibrating" ... "recalibrating" ... "recalibrating" ... "recalibrating" ...
9:29 PM Adam
cool kimamourette
9:29 PM Valentin Rozman
Always expect the unexpected
9:29 PM Marlen Vargas
yep @kimamourette is definitely an opportunity to 'look back' at ourselves indeed, in detail, to see what are we missing out, where are we having to re-align ourselves etc.
9:29 PM Randy Krafft
cool @kimamourette
9:29 PM Valentin Rozman
Be attached to nothing
9:30 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
yet dont hold back because of it -- to add Valentin :wink:
9:31 PM Marlen Vargas
and yes also realizing that for example back to the initial illustration, we get it 'done' again and improved, and it might as well just go through a similar 'unfortunate' outcome, where we might expect that 'this time it all should go well!' but lol, we cannot really know in reality
9:31 PM
so in a way being OK with the fact that things may still happen even after having 'corrected' the point
9:31 PM Randy Krafft
yes marlen
9:32 PM Marlen Vargas
and continuing with the same approach, patience, yep, rebuilding, yep, improvement, yep, and realizing that we cannot control all reality factors that may influence it
9:32 PM
therefore in a way making 'peace' with the fact that we cannot control outcomes and that we can be 'super careful' and super stable and skilled and prepared within ourselves, yet something might still 'come our way' and it all can be challenged in a moment
9:33 PM Dan Malara
how about when shit doesn't hit the fan? marlen - so after we've cleaned-up our reaction/response to the unexpected, what about dealing with the my EXPECTED patterns, the ones that just don't seem to want to go away?
9:33 PM Yogan Barrientos
You can compare this point of discussion of this LF chat, to the point of falling in one's process. So what do you do when you fall?
9:33 PM Marlen Vargas
to use those moments precisely to continue seeing them as a ground to expand our way to approach these 'unfortunate events' and in a way be assertive in our resolve to stand up from it
9:33 PM
exactly @yoganb same point
9:34 PM Yogan Barrientos
1st step is to admit/accept I have fallen.
9:34 PM Randy Krafft
yes, marlen, and when those moments come up that are "challenging" we Choose who we are going to be in that moment...
9:34 PM Marlen Vargas
@dan if you know the points that are 'the problem' then that's where you then can see what words am I not living that I can in fact now practice, decide to live in order to sort out 'this thing' I know I am repeating all the time, so that's entirely up to you
9:34 PM Dan Malara
ahh yes, the words!
9:35 PM Marlen Vargas
yes @randy exactly that's the ultimate point within this topic, do we choose to whine, complain, blame, go into anger, frustration, pissed-offness, depression, giving up OR do we choose to immediately stand up, take responsibility, learn, act to sort out situations, resource, improve skills, look at how we can improve ourselves within doing 'the thing' again
9:35 PM Yogan Barrientos
2nd step is to assert who you are as life as what is best for all, assert your principles and stand again and learning from the fall
9:36 PM Matti Freeman
@dan - that's more a point of something you are creating rather than - external events that can 'happen' to us
9:36 PM Marlen Vargas
yes @yoganb in a way in terms of process is a bit different because sometimes we also deny that we have 'fallen' in a way or that we are not really 'doing what we could' so there the admittance process is also a point of self-honesty and at the same time to not see the fall/mistake/problem as 'the end' of ourselves, but a road to step out of and stand up from to recreate ourselves.
9:36 PM Dan Malara
yeah mattifreeman
9:36 PM Marlen Vargas
yep this is about externalities as well so the process-point is definitely more of a self-created situation
9:37 PM Dan Malara
mattifreeman - tho, really isn't just us doing it to ourselves the whole time anyhow
9:37 PM Yogan Barrientos
Sometimes it is difficult to accept the reality that you have lost a job, or a project, a proposal, or a business.
9:37 PM Marlen Vargas
so! any other input/examples of where you have faced this kind of situations and have expanded onto a solution-based mindset instead of staying in reaction mode? Or how you see you could improve the way to face these 'reality adversities' and use them to improve one's resolve, stance and determination?
9:39 PM Yogan Barrientos
every reaction is a denial of reality
9:39 PM Marlen Vargas
yes @yoganb that's another dimension to it, where this 'loss' may become a thing we see 'forever lost' and close up into a tunnel vision - instead of saying ok, I knocked one door and it didn't open, but I can open up many more and expand in that sense, not getting discouraged by an initial 'rejection' for example
9:39 PM Valentin Rozman
On of my recent examples was that the hard disk on the new used laptop that I purchased several months ago has been extremely slow. And now when I installed some additional apps that I needed for my works it became slow beyond what I was able to tolerate. So I replaced the hard drive with the fast SSD drive from my old laptop that has broken motherboard. But then the system started to freeze after one hour similar like on my old laptop. I firstly imagined how there would be no other solution but to buy a new hard drive that would again cost me quite a lot since SSD disks are expansive. But then I rather started to research if I can somehow diagnose more specifically what the problem was. And thus I discovered that there is an option to upgrade the hard drive firmware. And lucky that completely solved the problem for good without any additional cost.
9:39 PM Matti Freeman
@yoganb - also in many cases more specifically - a lack of all the information about reality
9:40 PM Yogan Barrientos
even being honest about what I don't know.
9:41 PM Marlen Vargas
that's a cool example @valentin.rozman of instead of going into the immediate 'all is lost and broken' looked out for repairs and focusing on that.
9:41 PM Carlton Tedford
cool valentin.rozmon
9:41 PM Marlen Vargas
anyone else got examples of this?
9:43 PM Tormod Hvidsten Gjedrem
i was angry and reactive the otherday, and i was able to after forgiving myself and grounding myself to see what i was hiding within - causing fear/anger .... point of suppression that lead to reaction/anger
9:43 PM
suppressing my will to work
9:44 PM Valentin Rozman
I found similar solution for my 3 years old iPhone 5s that started to die very quickly after exposed to summer heat. Firstly I imagined how now I will have to buy a new mobile phone, but then I rather researched what exactly could be the cause of such malfunction. I concluded that the problem was in the battery so I visited the iPhone repair guy and he replaced the battery in just 20 minutes and it costed me only 20 EUR instead of spending hundreds of EUR for a new or another used handset.
9:44 PM Marlen Vargas
cool example @tormod so, from the reactive-limitation you decided to see the point you were not expanding on/developing/creating in terms of working/doing it, which came out as the solution
9:45 PM Alexander Boon
Im not sure if anyone else has faced like thoughts of killing oneself. I’ve had several moments in my life where I had those trains of thought where I was thinking it may be more simple to just end it. But coming to the conclusion of it being like just a way to not face what I am feeling/creating I started looking for ways to pick up and examine those pieces and find strategies to face the depressive tendencies.
9:46 PM Marlen Vargas
another point is to see how we decide if we remain 'stuck' in the moment and can't get out of it, by replaying all the 'should haves' or 'could have' in our mind - instead of simply seeing the point once, recognizing what we can do differently next time, learn from it and move on to recreate it, re-do it, walk the path again
9:47 PM Alexander Boon
This chats super insightful lol.
9:47 PM Marlen Vargas
yep @alexboon definitely a perceived 'way out' that is in fact another way to 'give up' instead of rather looking at the source or cause of the experience, and turning it into a point where we can stand, learn from it and develop ourselves to actually be/do what we would in fact like to live
9:47 PM Alexander Boon
@marlen For sure.
9:48 PM Adam
alexboon yes I've been places like that too - so cool that you did not board that train of thought
9:48 PM Yogan Barrientos
choo choo
9:48 PM Marlen Vargas
so it goes along with this topic, because we might perceive that 'well it's all too fucked' then I give up man!' but, really, what IS the cause in the first place for us to create such a perceived 'way out'? and then go straight to that one point we believe we are not 'good enough' or 'strong enough' to face, and that's where we turn such perceived adversity into a point where we can strengthen ourselves, learn from ourselves and stand up from it, which is in fact the change process in this context
9:49 PM Alexander Boon
@marlen Agreed
9:49 PM Randy Krafft
cool for you as well, adam.... that you didn't board that train....
9:49 PM Tormod Hvidsten Gjedrem
in it for life !
9:50 PM Adam
randy yes cool for me
9:50 PM Marlen Vargas
so here you can look at instead of managing 'depressive tendencies' rather looking at what are the causes of such emotional reactions, go straight to the 'core' of where you believe you are not able to change or do something differently @alexboon and that can then also be a focus for you to look a things more practically, rather than only focusing on 'managing depression' which is a consequence, a symptom of needing to look at the words you need to live, the points you need to change
9:51 PM
lol I consider we've all been in that 'train' more than once at some point in our lives, but yeah I learned to identify it as the 'giving up' point and settling for the lesser version of myself, so it becomes more like a flag point to see where I need to assert, expand my resolve to face reality, face my creation and change, learn from it
9:51 PM Matti Freeman
@alexboon what I did in relation to depression / the experience of constantly struggling with life - is look back on my life to identify where I started seeing and experiencing myself as 'depressed about things' -- like, at what stage / time in my life did that personality / self image take shape
9:51 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
cool Marlen
9:51 PM Marlen Vargas
meaning not so much give too much attention to the actual 'desire to kill myself' but more like seeing it as a weakness that is indicating where I need to strengthen myself, but this hasn't happened in quite time now lol but definitely was there before
9:52 PM Alexander Boon
For sure. I can see the difference there. @marlen
9:52 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
the thing with suicidal thoughts is that it always comes back down to: well, if there's nothing to lose... then why not push more / try different things
9:52 PM Alexander Boon
@mattifreeman Cool suggestion.
9:52 PM Tormod Hvidsten Gjedrem
cool @mattifreeman
9:52 PM Marlen Vargas
oh yeah also that personality/self-image point is a biggie, I was by definition the 'gloomy doomy ' person so to me even the notion of getting into 'solutions' seemed 'too positive' for me, which is another form of limitation for sure
9:53 PM Matti Freeman
@alexboon - specifically within that - what points of blaming my reality / others / events am i holding onto and justifying
9:53 PM Tormod Hvidsten Gjedrem
interesting @leilazm to do push more since there is nothing to loose... i hear that
9:53 PM Marlen Vargas
aha for sure @leilazm like if one is at that very 'bottom' point then, yes! got nothing else to lose, why not reinventing oneself and 'start over' with what we see is our 'main problem' and see what we can do about it
9:53 PM Matti Freeman
what are the 'hardships' that I feel are being 'done to me'
9:53 PM Alexander Boon
@mattifreeman Lol Im seeing the connection, goes back aways but yeah I see what your getting at.
9:54 PM Marlen Vargas
yeah matti sometimes it can be as 'general 'as 'oh the money system man, why is it such shit that doesn't allow me to grow' or 'oh if I had lived in a different family/context/country, my environment is not supportive' type of thinking
9:54 PM Yogan Barrientos
like a systematic analysis of the the history of the thought, starting at its origin.
9:55 PM Randy Krafft
indeed @yoganb
9:55 PM Marlen Vargas
sooo! any last pointers here to conclude this awesome learning-ground sharing
9:56 PM Alexander Boon
Super cool chat guys.
9:56 PM Marlen Vargas
cool @alexboon grateful too for all the feedback/pointers we can learn from each other
9:56 PM Dan Malara
yes, thanks for the words all
9:56 PM Randy Krafft
cool chat.... it comes down to taking responsibility for our choice and decision In the Moment
9:56 PM Adam
thanks everyone
9:56 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
have there been any depression / suicide hangouts?
9:56 PM Carlton Tedford
Yes cool chat
9:56 PM Marlen Vargas
yes @randy def and expanding from it
9:56 PM
@leilazm the one with scott was sort of that
9:56 PM Alexander Boon
Yeah first bit I was like wow so many cool solutions coming through.
9:56 PM Randy Krafft
9:57 PM Miranda de Haas
Thanks Marlen, all
9:57 PM
9:57 PM Alexander Boon
Common sense solutions!
9:57 PM Marlen Vargas
aaand being ok with 'shit happens' in reality, and rather asserting who we decide to be in those moments
9:57 PM Carlton Tedford
Thank marlen all
9:57 PM Randy Krafft
awesome peeps... Thanks for being Here
9:57 PM Marlen Vargas
cool guys, so see you guys! Thanks too
9:57 PM Carlton Tedford
9:57 PM Yogan Barrientos
for all the best! and best for all!
9:57 PM Matti Freeman
Bye everyone
9:57 PM Randy Krafft
yeah - 'cause Shit's gonna happen....
9:58 PM Marlen Vargas
lol yes
9:58 PM Alexander Boon
Bye all!
9:58 PM Valentin Rozman
Be like water. Thanks and bye all :slightly_smiling_face:
9:58 PM Cerise Poolman
good night guys
9:58 PM Randy Krafft
bye all
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Re: Using adversities/obstacles in life for self-expansion - 17 May 2017

Post by Kristina »

Awesome chat, everyone! I can definitely relate to this point of something unexpected happening - especially when you counted so much for something to work out, and then something comes along and it gets all fucked up. In the past it was the usual culprits coming into play - blame, anger, frustration, and mostly for me that denial point. Like not wanting or willing to accept what just happened/the reality of a situation, basically fighting with the actual reality playing out in front of you.

For me I can see throughout this process, how quickly we can actually process through such moments/points with less and less conflict. Where instead of getting stuck in the emotions of something messing up or something unexpected happening, we rather see, assess, decide, and re-direct. It's like once one walks a process of working in real time - focusing on the physical, grounding oneself in their day to day living, working with their self-forgiveness... you start to embrace the reality of what is here - there is a level of understanding that emerge and so we are not so quick to react, but simply see things for what they are.

So that is the potential we all have - to get to that point where we no longer react to unexpected moments and instead embrace each moment equally as it unfolds, but it really comes down to self. If we deny/suppress reality - we are in conflict. If we nurture our ability to understand, and forgive, we walk with much more clarity and acceptance, and the self-trust that we are all we need in each moment to direct/re-direct and making the most common sense decision to go from there.

Tis the solution-oriented mind.

So thanks again guys, for the chat. Friggen awesome.
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Re: Using adversities/obstacles in life for self-expansion - 17 May 2017

Post by Maite »

Well said, Kristina! Who can take this quote from Kristina and turn it into a picture to be shared in social media??
So that is the potential we all have - to get to that point where we no longer react to unexpected moments and instead embrace each moment equally as it unfolds, but it really comes down to self. If we deny/suppress reality - we are in conflict. If we nurture our ability to understand, and forgive, we walk with much more clarity and acceptance, and the self-trust that we are all we need in each moment to direct/re-direct and making the most common sense decision to go from there.

Tis the solution-oriented mind.
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