Hi, I'm new, and my name is not important, being this is all true, and not for any "negative/positive attention".
I was actually trying to find the thread someone had posted about his anxiety, self-hatred, twitching, etc. And, what stuck in my mind was, "Do you believe demons exist?"...Another poster below, "Yes, but only in your own mind". So, what I am going to do...is to post about what I have been holding in, for some time now, and have wanted to actually share and tell, for some time now, just because these experiences have been very TRUE for me. When I see the material I do, uploads, posts etc., something inside says, "Oh yeah, I sure got something to tell, if you really want to know". So then, I'd say, would have to be my main reasoning.
"Beginning": So, people talk about these "shadow-beings". This then, would have to be my first experience with something "unknown" to me, then (before I was 20)...You could say, feelings of "fright, shock, paralyzation, helplessness, confusion". And, coincided with night-terrors, screaming out in my sleep, slamming feet against bedside table (in sleep), jerking awake in bed (cold-sweat), cussing at the top of my lungs & waking myself up this way. Many times, having said things towards people in the house-hold, I never would have thought myself, or even said.
So, the 'shadow-being' thing, was more like "an open invitation"..."Come with us/join us".. (what have you)?
Anyhow, so to move a little beforehand (these experiences), I had initially dropped out of high-school 9th grade, because I was quiet, I'd say, I've always been a bit of a by-stander/observant of things. And, I perhaps did lean towards "the bad kids", just b/c perhaps feelings of not feeling "pretty"/having different interests...Say, music/and/or what have you.
So, let's just say, I'd...not alot of "self-confidence" (in those days), wore no make-up.. unlike alot of the other girls. I then dated what they called "a skater", which then seemed to have sealed my fate as "out-sider".
Even in school, it was "picking...picking". And, often I could hear things being said, which prob. they didn't know I "could hear". Sometimes, I'd get punched in the back of the head, just moving from here to there. But, I could always hear these "whisperings". Either way, eventually I got so fed-up with the "getting involved in a fight thing", etc. Detention, which came from going to home-room, couple min.'s to late (being in the hallways) when they'd made this announcement, "Not to be in the hallways"...B/c I was late, the assistant principle, grabbing me by the ear, and paddling me "alot harder" I thought, than the other 2 boys, who were on their way to home-room as well.
Either way, this led to detention, and driving caluses into my fingers, through detention. Eventually, b/c of the bullying, I dropped, 9th grade. So........(moving ahead) ..
My first love & I (together about 5 yrs.). At one point, after the loss of a job, moved in w/my parents. It was one day in particular, I had my flat-iron on (b/c my hair had these natural wild flips).. I'd heard, " *%^%*^&... " (my name). It was my b/f's voice, I turned for a moment, "Yeah?..." He's in bed, still sleeping. Come to find out, at some point, when I wasn't in the room, he'd heard my voice calling him. "Um, that was not me", I told him, and of coarse.. "But, do you know what's funny? I thought I heard your voice, calling me?"
...I've kind of reviewed this, it's a bit long (as is). Basically, going, few yrs. back, I fell deeply in love with someone and had a connection to someone in the music industry. Though, his end seemed more, "You're pretty", but constant harassment. Either way.....this went on, and eventually something happened, I was in the hospital. I was dying, and expected to die......While in I.C.U, I had this experience, with this man (about my age), trying to get the attention of this nurse, he seemed to be "in love" with, at points I saw them interracting. Now, she was seeing another male nurse. So, both the "nurse"/and her "male nurse b/f" seemed very disturbed by this other man. There were points, I saw him sitting at my glass doors...to room, smearing red lip-stick around his mouth & glaring at me, points where I awoke, having heard "gun-shots", thereby intentionally falling over&off my hospital bed (with I.V in arm), and huddling by a chair, in the room, seeing a guard posted outside of my door, fire-arm fixed across chest.
Either way, normal thought might suggest, "Oh, this was just your pain-killers", but no... And, you know how I realized this? Throughout watching all of these goings-on, at one point, I remember this guy had left this nurse with a card. So, now, I'm a week off the Morphine and ready to leave the hospital. Yet, as I am leaving, I glance at the desk, there is that card! "It happened, it was real!!!"...This seemed to me to be a very demonic/threatening experience. And, something meant to intimidate me, through this experience.
And, as for the guy smearing red lip-stick around his mouth, glaring @ me, while I was close to death? Well, I was wearing red lip-stick when they brought me in. The only feeling I got from him, while watching him? "Pure hatred".