I have had experiences where somewhere after stopping participation in the Mind as excuses = I experience absolute self-silence and I feel like I don't know how to conduct myself anymore, especially with myself. I would many ways in which my actions are ineffective, and get lost in the observation part of it. Is practicing self-silence only a point where I begin to remain here, seeing the entirety of my thoughts/emotions/feelings, and the consequences of my actions? When I am silent within myself, I experience my own fears and reactions as more intense. Is the practical point about seeing self-silence as an indication when one has actually stopped participating in the Mind? So to remain silent within myself, and consistently bring myself back Here = self-forgiveness for anything that comes up?
The question I'm basically asking is what self-silence is, in terms of how it assists and supports me to actively walk what is best for all more frequently. Taking one step back, is the practical point to live within/as a word, such as playfulness or self-silence, and realise the definition that is 'best for all'/'what I need to know' by/through living the word with a starting-point of 'how can I work with this experience as this word to support me to support Life?'
I'm asking because there's no possible way to 'be perfect now' and silent absolutely all of the time; so I'm looking for a way to consistently live self-silence within the context of my own process, as a foundation to move myself more frequently as a 'me' that is best for all, as indicated by my moment-to-moment accumulation. I've had enough of waiting until I am angry or frustrated enough to move myself. I want to stop my addiction to energy as emotions/feelings.
Thank you for the support,