Physically stronger

Share and ask your moments and experiences in random, unpredictable, sudden moments that happened to you - you'd like to understand. Whether it be during a discussion with someone and not understanding why certain thoughts / behaviours came up in you or another. Not understanding another's facial expression or even your own when looking in the mirror etc. So, this thread is dedicated to the everyday life moments we WONDER about but never ask.
Process User 4
Posts: 60
Joined: 05 Mar 2012, 21:14

Physically stronger

Post by Process User 4 »

i wrote :

"I fear him , because he has the capability to harm me if he wants , because he considers me no threat and he is confident about himself. His confidence comes from the fact that he's done things that i've not and he also he has a trained body for combat and stuff . So , now i have to follow the same path he walked in order to become like him and to not fear him any more . If i was invincible , then i would not fear him . I want to have what he has because then i would not fear him or others , because the stronger has the advantage in our world etc."

A friend told me that, obviously walking the path of a rapist or murderer to become that would not be a practical way for everyone to stop the fear of rapists and murderers.

By what i wrote above i want to say that by everyone being equal in capabilities and abilities we solve the problem of fearing and/or depending on others (obligated etc.) , because they have an advantage . Especially if the other uses this advantage for his self interest only .

My friend told me that the solution is to stop the thoughts that cause the fear .

If i was invincible then i would be unreactive as i would knew that nothing could harm me and then would be no thoughts of danger . I mean what can you do if someone bullies you ? I've remained calm but the other wanted to get a reaction out of me in order to stop . Also reacting in anger made it possible for me to defend myself. What do you do in such situations ?
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Maite
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Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:08

Re: Physically stronger

Post by Maite »

Hi Process User 4,

We'll always be different - everyone will always have different skills, different levels of skills, different capacities - some good at math, others at athletics, for instance. The problem is not the differences in capabilities, but where one places one's value. It is value that requires to be equal, not the capabilities or abilities. For instance, if one perceives oneself as being inferior, then one of the ways that is used this world will attempt to 'balance out' this inferiority - which is actually an inferiority in value - is through, for instance, inspiring fear in others through bullying. In such a scenario, being feared has been equated to having value - and so, in order to balance out the experience of inferiority, the person bullies to be feared, to be valued.

So - what is required is not to have everyone become equally strong or equally intelligent, but to have everyone's value-system sorted out.

In your case of being bullied - I agree with your friend. You focus on yourself, remaining stable, not reacting. If anger comes up - understand that you're defining your value in terms of how others think about you, because you're taking what the person is saying personally and might be worrying about the people around you hearing what the bully says and placing your value in what they think about you. And so, you're participating in the same point as the person bullying - defining your value somewhere outside of yourself. So - speaking in anger is not a solution, because then you're not really standing up for yourself in oneness and equality, but you're speaking from a point of ego. Speaking in anger means you've already given your value away and are now trying to balance out an experience of inferiority through anger and ego. So, see how this follows the same mechanism that a bully would follow as the underlying reason for bullying - where ego is used to balance out an experience of inferiority.

Therefore, to participate in the same point as the bully will not put an end to bullying, because within such actions, you're actually supporting what the bully does through doing it yourself, and so, further perpetuating the problem.

So, the best way to start is to write about your experience of being bullied and apply SF on all the reactions you experienced towards what the bully said or did - and then also write Self-Corrective Statements. Within writing Self-Corrective Statements you take a moment to see what you would practically be able to do/how you would practically be able to direct yourself when a similar situation occurs. Herein, I suggest, that if/when you speak - that you do so in stability, and not from a point of reaction or anger.

So - before you can direct the bully, you have to direct yourself - because you're both participating in the same point - which means: you have to sort out your value-system in terms of identifying where you define your value in things outside/separate from you and stopping yourself in moments where you see that you're placing value outside of yourself. Once you have corrected this point and stand stable in the face of bullying, you'll be able to direct the situation in stability - whether it be through walking away, or saying specific words.
Marlen
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Re: Physically stronger

Post by Marlen »

Very cool support here and thanks for sharing the writings, because I see that this is the way we have 'raised the standard' every time because of Fearing each other and as such, instead of stopping defining ourselves according to such fear toward others, we then try and 'Equalize' ourselves to that which we fear which leads to physical consequences that have its origin and starting point in the mind
"I fear him , because he has the capability to harm me if he wants , because he considers me no threat and he is confident about himself. His confidence comes from the fact that he's done things that i've not and he also he has a trained body for combat and stuff . So , now i have to follow the same path he walked in order to become like him and to not fear him any more . If i was invincible , then i would not fear him . I want to have what he has because then i would not fear him or others , because the stronger has the advantage in our world etc."
This is the type of thinking that we have to be aware of Not participating in, meaning not actually living out these logical reasoning that would lead you to 'walk through his path' in order to be like someone that you are comparing yourself to. In this, you'd compromise your entire life/physical to only have his 'capability' without considering the multiple factors of who he is, why he has become such personality/ body, what were his reasons, etc. which is only related to him. Within this, as Maite has explained, it is to focus on you and not allow any form of comparison/ competition to shape yourself according to an Ideal in your Imagination of 'who you would be' if you'd become like him.

That's what we can work with through our writings and self forgiveness, self corrective application - because it is quite clear how within you following such reasoning, you would only compromise yourself, support the same system of value/praise toward an ideal/ image of what we believe it means to be 'invincible' and 'fearless' without first investigating how do we see ourselves as 'vincible' and 'fearful'/ weak/ in disadvantage - that's what you can work with and explore within your writings.

We all definitely have to stop supporting these comparison/ competition games that lead us to massive current problems such as the ones related to a make-believe strength build upon/ founded upon fear of not being 'strong' or 'confident' enough, not being as 'good' as the images we see that others become without first pondering what drives our constant desire to become the ideal we perceive others are, because all of this is what you perceive him to be - though, such values are only generated according to what we have defined strength as this 'winning' image in relation to a personality, without realizing that within us wanting to be 'also winners' we are perpetuating the cycle of abuse wherein for some to win/ be superior = those that lose/ are inferior must exist.


A great post that explains this point with regards to the body and the Imagination-impositions upon physical reality has just been written out: Day 276: Bulimia and Desteni

From the post:
  • "There is No happiness, in fact, in Imagination – as Imagination requires Fear at all times to be Fuelled into its Obsessive, Positive, Direction; which in the Case of the Bulimic is: to Perfect the Body according to Imagination. ALL forms of Positive Direction in the Imagination – is Always Fuelled by Fear of Not Achieving it or Falling in the Opposite of the Imaginary Positive. Therefore, No Positive Thinking is actually Ever Positive, it is In Fact the Most Negative you can Ever be, because: you are Imposing Negative Consequences onto the Physical World through Positive Imagination." - Bernard Poolman
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KellyPosey
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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 06:46

Re: Physically stronger

Post by KellyPosey »

Yes the point to be stopped/corrected is not if someone is stronger than another, but to stop the idea that one is somehow 'more' or 'better' than another because they have more strength/are bigger. Because it is that IDEA that is the reason that bullies will bully. If we stop supporting that idea, then what reason is there to bully? There isn't.

Thus for the time being, we may not always be able to stop a bully from bullying, but it's to keep a level head about it, and if the situation is actually dangerous, like there is some actual possibility they are going to do you physical harm, then do what you can to get out of the situation, or especially to prevent the situation if you can, like don't be around that person.

Like has been suggested here, if you are in a situation of bullying, what would be best is to not go into a reaction and stay calm and stable, and that will take nothing less than walking yourself through those patterns of reaction in specificity through the application of self writing, self forgiveness and self correction, so that you can see how it activates and really understand it from the beginning to the end in order to assist and support yourself to begin stopping that pattern, to get to the point where you can stand stable in the moment of being bullied. If you give in to the reaction, what you are doing is essentially feeding the bully by 'playing his game' because his behavior/actions/words got you to react/he had an effect on you. You have to become stability in standing to live as the example that such superiority/inferiority games are not real and as such have no real bearing/effect on who you are. As Marlen pointed out, to react means you are giving value to that same idea as well, that strength = superiority, and thus fueling the fire, so to speak, that is the reason why bullies bully - to get the other person to react which 'shows' to them they apparently 'are superior'.

Once we sort out our relationships and stop participating in and supporting ideas of superiority/inferiority, then it will not matter who is what size or what you can do compared to someone else, and then we can have fun with everyone's different and specific expressions, and doing that which we do have the ability for. Like for example, taller people can reach high things, and small people can fit in small spaces, so we can use our own particular unique expressions according to our specific abilities, instead of wasting time trying to be something we're not, or trying to be what someone else is, which won't work and will have consequences since we're trying to live and be that which we're not.
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Juan Pablo
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Joined: 14 Jun 2012, 21:54

Re: Physically stronger

Post by Juan Pablo »

Awesome support!

Another point to add Process User 4, I would have a look, once and for all, at focusing on myself, and realize that it is not others who initiate my reactions but me, and that it is not about what to do or not, because with that one is accepting and allowed the pattern of problem-reaction-solution, and so accepting and allowing the reaction, which means accepting and allowed oneself to participate in the mind. So, I would stop trying to find solutions to my fears and/or helping others, and start helping myself, to see the detail of how am I existing and within that, realizing that I can only take responsibility of myself, and from there standing as a living example.
Matti Freeman
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Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 22:40

Re: Physically stronger

Post by Matti Freeman »

Bullying is the consequence of a society without self honesty, without self responsibility, without any consideration of what is best for all Life -- a society where the individual stands within self interest / survival rather than standing as Life as all as one as equal

We can't all equally be bullies because then we can't trust each other --- it's like trying to stop school shootings by giving everyone guns -- you have a society of fear and separation

Real POWER is in giving up the desire for revenge -- realizing you created the desire because you took someone's actions / words personally - and in taking it personally, you give the bully POWER -- so rather stand up and not accept or allow yourself to give power to the Self Interest of bullying, by stopping self interest in Self - and walking a process of learning how to consider what is best for all in all situations / relationships -- so that one can stand as an example that it is possible to change - because THEN the bullies will be faced with seeing that there is another way

If possible, remove yourself from relationships / situations where someone has the ability to harm you. Leave the bullies to their own mind possessions so you can focus on more productive things like becoming an effective, responsible human being
Process User 4
Posts: 60
Joined: 05 Mar 2012, 21:14

Re: Physically stronger

Post by Process User 4 »

Matti Freeman wrote:
"If possible, remove yourself from relationships / situations where someone has the ability to harm you. Leave the bullies to their own mind possessions so you can focus on more productive things like becoming an effective, responsible human being"

What i've been doing is experementing in order to face my own mind possesions , which was the sense of inferiority and the experience of anxiety and an urge to cry when facing bullies (psychological , or physical manipulation ) and then the immense amount of anger and the desire to take revenge . So i thought : '' i will not accept this anymore , i hate feeling this way , this is something i have created throughout the years . It's not the other's fault if i react , i should be able to breath through any situation" . So i tried to get involved in situations where i was attacked , I hit the gym to become stronger etc ( i based my confidence in having muscles , fake confidence but helpful ) What repeats everytime is the following : I begin by focusing on breath , everything is cool and as the bullying progresses emotion is starting to compound (anxiety , anger ) . Then i loose my breathing focus and i get lost in this energetic experience .

So if i do not manage to get rid of this , i will always carry this inside me and i will always be dissapointed about my self , to know that i am inferior to this experience . I must become able to breath through .

All i've tried is breathing , I have not done anything in terms of self forgiveness (as is suggested in such situations) to realise how i created this experience for myself in order to unchain myfelf from its submission.

Matti Freeman wrote:
"We can't all equally be bullies because then we can't trust each other --- it's like trying to stop school shootings by giving everyone guns -- you have a society of fear and separation."

In my experience i've seen that having equall ability to harm solves in a way the problem , because if we feared each other then we would be more careful as there would be immediate consequence (i hit you, you hit me) .It would be nicer to consider each other despite our ability to harm though.

Guys, how do you interpret Bernard's interview "eye for an eye" ? The way i interpreted this interview played a role.
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Adrian
Posts: 27
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 06:25

Re: Physically stronger

Post by Adrian »

hi Process User 4,

we don't require fear of each other to 'control' each other but rather self support so that we are able to understand why we have abusive tendencies - the more we support ourselves within this point the more we are able to support others - though I understand that in many cases it is impossible to support another due to complete possession. I agree with what was said about removing yourself from certain situations while you are working on this point as it exists within yourself, and leave the bullies to face themselves.
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Juan Pablo
Posts: 405
Joined: 14 Jun 2012, 21:54

Re: Physically stronger

Post by Juan Pablo »

Ban the abusers. And yes, you have the key and the solution, you are mentioning -- self-forgiveness in self-honesty, where you take responsibility for the anger, in terms of: have a look, when you place yourself in anger, you see yourself as victim, thus it is victim-ization, and are you? -- who is the one that decides? -- who is the one that can stop? -- who is the one that's creating the anger? -- empower yourself with self-forgiveness, and this power is indeed self-direction and self-responsibility, and then you can change.

Enjoy the change if you dare :P
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barbara
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Re: Physically stronger

Post by barbara »

Process User 4 wrote:Guys, how do you interpret Bernard's interview "eye for an eye" ? The way i interpreted this interview played a role.
Hey Process User 4,

"An eye for eye" does not take away your responsibility to first stand equal to and one with yourself. To see, realize and understand how and where you are reacting - what is being mirrored back to you as the source of your perspectives in the situation. Once standing, without the minutest reaction, you will be able to reflect back to them the abuse they are in fact living as and within themselves, simply by standing as the self-directive principle within what is appropriate in the respective situation. That's my understanding of Bernard's interview.
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