Why am I having doubt in writing, why is it hard for me to w

Share and ask your moments and experiences in random, unpredictable, sudden moments that happened to you - you'd like to understand. Whether it be during a discussion with someone and not understanding why certain thoughts / behaviours came up in you or another. Not understanding another's facial expression or even your own when looking in the mirror etc. So, this thread is dedicated to the everyday life moments we WONDER about but never ask.
Marlen
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Re: Why am I having doubt in writing, why is it hard for me

Post by Marlen »

Cool Nick, there is certainly no experience (emotion or feeling or else) involved within writing, as it is just that physical action of placing into words who you are in that moment, what you went through your day, what you saw, what you realized, what you reacted to and that way it becomes just that, a mirror of words that we simply allow ourselves to 'draw' through words - and yes in the mind we have been so used to always have thoughts about 'doing something wrong' that when we have no experience and we are actually doing it within the consideration of supporting ourselves through writing, it seems 'awkward' at the beginning and yes I must say that such self doubts will continue to come up until one actually practices more and more to establish our own stability through writing and practicing the self-supportive tools in a written manner. It is no different to learning how to drive or ride a bicycle - first times we fear we're going to fall or crash and we ponder if we are doing it alright, but with sufficient practice and over the years we can become quite confident within it so it is 'normal' to get such self-doubts yet that is where you can also give yourself direction out loud 'I am here, I am writing myself, this is what I have committed myself to do as self support to get to know me, so there can't be a 'right' or 'wrong' within this, so I continue to write myself to establish self honesty'

So voicing yourself in that moment brings us back to reality to continue realizing: hey, I'm writing myself, I don't require any fear or experience to be here to do this, so I continue to support me.

This is also proof how we mostly sabotage our writing if we go into comparison or any idea/belief of what my writing should be, so I suggest to rather considering the principle posted above and that blog post in general to always consider those aspects when writing ourselves, also taking into consideration that yes, the first point is developing self writing as is also walked within DIP Lite which is why walking your own writing along with DIP Lite is definitely the suggested way to continue from here on. Thanks for sharing your practical application feedback.

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KasperKwan
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Re: Why am I having doubt in writing, why is it hard for me

Post by KasperKwan »

Hi Nick,

Cool that you are writing. I started writing when I started a journal with a hope of this tool maybe working. Journalling - just writing about what happened in the day - was great because before then, I was virtually silent - I didn't practice the art of saying what I am experiencing. Start slowly, if the resistance is 'too much' to establish a habit of writing regularly, start with journalling. The act of writing itself prepares you, and the only way to actually write is to write. You decide how effective your writing is: when I started journalling, I was hell bent on investigating my own experience.

The cool part about journalling is that I was already 'expert' at what I was participating in, in that day. I had less reasons to compare myself to others, I was the only one that lived my day fully, in absolute detail; now the task of placing all the detail into writing, structured words.

So if writing about one event and forgiving yourself is too overwhelming, you may start with journalling. What is important is that you walk, you write, you practice standing as authority of your own participation by writing yourself, your own thoughts/words/deeds.

As a teaser for the greater enjoyment of yourself ahead, self forgiveness statements did what journalling aimed to do, more effectively. But writing is root: I have used this tool as writing as often as self forgiveness statements, so do not underestimate how much you support yourself building skill in writing the hell out of yourself, to see what you have accepted and allowed; therefore what you can do about yourself/your thoughts/emotions/feelings.

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Anna
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Re: Why am I having doubt in writing, why is it hard for me

Post by Anna »

Cool support here Kasper.

Thanks for sharing.

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Nicklk1795
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Re: Why am I having doubt in writing, why is it hard for me

Post by Nicklk1795 »

I am currently experiencing a point of realization, on and off with a point of excuse. Like, ever since Bernard's death, its really kind of opened up the point that, I have been depending on desteni in itself to continue my process, and that I have used desteni as a way to make excuses to not in fact be self responsible or rid the self interests. Like I have not used the tools entirely as myself, but instead created a void of depending n the material, and not in fact applying it to myself self sufficiently. I I I this is a point that is the hardest for me, to be able to actually completely trust myself seems Almost impossible, as if I have to have somebody to clarify it. Any assistance for this, is this simply a point of dishonesty within myself to not free myself from self interest that is from my programmed nature to survive within the system?

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Kim S
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Re: Why am I having doubt in writing, why is it hard for me

Post by Kim S »

Hi Nick,

As you can see from my blog about Bernard I had developed a reliance on Bernard and it hit me pretty bad when he passed..But like you I had a realisation where I knew I had to do this now and I am essentially alone in my process - the support is awesome of course, but essentially it all comes back to self to self realise, self forgive and self correct and keep on pushing through all resistance. But not to make an experience out of it where you are literally at war with yourself. So breathe and slow yourself right down so that you are stable again and keep walking - I find that the four count breath assists me..Inhale for a count of 4, and hold for 4 and then exhale for a count of 4 - and repeat until your mind is settled and then write it out.

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Anna
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Re: Why am I having doubt in writing, why is it hard for me

Post by Anna »

Cool support Kim. Thanks for sharing.
Nicklk1795 wrote:I am currently experiencing a point of realization, on and off with a point of excuse. Like, ever since Bernard's death, its really kind of opened up the point that, I have been depending on desteni in itself to continue my process, and that I have used desteni as a way to make excuses to not in fact be self responsible or rid the self interests. Like I have not used the tools entirely as myself, but instead created a void of depending n the material, and not in fact applying it to myself self sufficiently. I I I this is a point that is the hardest for me, to be able to actually completely trust myself seems Almost impossible, as if I have to have somebody to clarify it. Any assistance for this, is this simply a point of dishonesty within myself to not free myself from self interest that is from my programmed nature to survive within the system?
This is a vital realization within one's process: the depth and extent of our self-dishonesty. However Nick - all the tools are here for you to support yourself. You've got DIP Lite, the forum, your writings, self-forgiveness, breathing and self-corrective application. It is only through establishing self-honesty within and as ourselves that we can establish self-trust, because as long as we don't even know where our thoughts come from, let alone being able to stop them, we obviously can't trust ourselves. This is why it is so important to write ourselves out - because that is our point of cross-reference in reality - and through seeing practically whether we've effectively stood up in self-honesty and self-responsibility in the process of correcting ourselves. So essentially, through writing we enable ourselves to be our own point of clarity and at the same time, this is exactly why we have the Desteni forum, the DIP Lite and Desteni I Process Pro - so that we can cross-reference our writings with each other.

Within all this, it is also important to not overanalyze what comes up in the mind or try to 'figure out' how you should correct/change yourself through the mind - because that easily leads to procrastination of actual change when one ponders on 'how to change' lol. It's simply yet another mind-fuck causing one to postpone the actual process of change.

Because it is simplistic: we write ourselves out, we establish self-honesty, we take self-responsibility and we walk the practical correction. As we continue to do that consistently within a commitment to support ourselves, we slowly but surely establish a self-honest relationship with ourselves of integrity which is the foundation of self-trust.

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Ann
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Re: Why am I having doubt in writing, why is it hard for me

Post by Ann »

Nicklk1795 wrote:S pretty much its comes to the point of it being hard for me to write with certainty. Its like I build up this purposeful confusion within writing,or as if it is valid or not. Pretty much just allot of resistance.
Cool support already given here.

I have had that experience too sometimes and usually with me it is related to backchat. Because while I want to write I am continuously judging myself and what I write and what others could say bad about it etc...
And sometimes it can be a point of dishonesty, where you would want to write something but it is actually dishonest and you see this, and within that you stop writing.

Both things I have noticed, so I am sharing my personal experience with this.
Best is to breath, let go of the judgements you have towards your writing, and also make clear to yourself that you are not just going to write something out of a dishonest reason. And then to write about what you wanted to write about, put it clearly on paper as how you experienced it, and then maybe look at it again when you are clear (so without going in defense mode or anything, let go of the emotions) , and see what you can write as a correction or a solution.

And to look at what exactly you are resisting. Which thoughts are connected to that resistance, which judgements towards yourself or which expectations maybe you have of others who will read your writing.

But I find the suggestion of Kasper very cool

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Nicklk1795
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Re: Why am I having doubt in writing, why is it hard for me

Post by Nicklk1795 »

Yeah I have had some restrictions hit me today, with a threat from a person and simply from being around others at my moms work. Is cool because I've realized some points, but it is hard not to want to self judge to be able to supress a
Lot of confusion I'm experiencing. S currently I'm just letting the shower water run in my bathroom and playing music and breathing. I'm beggening to relize how selfish I am as an ego and how much it is necessary to take self responsibility of it, even though there is so much on my plate that will be very hard to write out and breath through, but my little mind situation is much less important than those who suffer on a daily basis, so this is starting to actually and practically come clear with me, though there is a lot of bullshit to take care of. Thank you guys, and thanks Ann for the recent post.

Gian
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Re: Why am I having doubt in writing, why is it hard for me

Post by Gian »

Hey Nick

it would be cool if you can write out the restrictions you are talking about and apply self forgiveness on them, this way we can support and assist you more specifically within the points or restrictions going out and being around others and cool support in terms of focusing on things that is here like water sounds and breathing - but be careful of the electricity bill there for water running = ).

also write down what you have realized and check the points - for instance you can do more on the selfishness point in relation to the ego point you are talking about, and also apply self forgiveness on this. ( for instance under the topic of writing myself to freedom)

Your "little mind problem" is Here - meaning you have to wok with it and take self responsibility for it, does not matter if it seems little or massive, that is the ego - making the important points that needs work seem little so we never bother wth them and just let it brew inside, wile the irrelevant points are made relevant and big to keep us occupied.


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