What do I have to take responsibility for in relationship with others?

Share and ask your moments and experiences in random, unpredictable, sudden moments that happened to you - you'd like to understand. Whether it be during a discussion with someone and not understanding why certain thoughts / behaviours came up in you or another. Not understanding another's facial expression or even your own when looking in the mirror etc. So, this thread is dedicated to the everyday life moments we WONDER about but never ask.
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Axel
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What do I have to take responsibility for in relationship with others?

Postby Axel » 05 Jan 2016, 15:01

Hi there,

I was just reading the 7_year_journey_to_lilfe_for_dummies.pdf and stumbled when I came across the following sentence:
Remember that you’re responsible for what you place out there on the web, and that in writing a blog consisting solely of self-pity and self-victimization, you might cause a human being reading your blog to go into the same state of mind.
I was wondering whether, whenever we put something out into the web, it is really my responsibilty to consider the possible reaction of others. This for one seems rather impossible, as there are too many possible reactions to whatever I write. But furthermore, it seems to me, from what I understand now, that their reaction is theirs anyway and thus also theirs to deal with. What do I have to do with their reaction (to anything)? This question also applies to any and all realtionships I have. If anyone can help me clarify this point of the responsibility I have for the reaction my actions cause in others, that would be very helpful.

Thanks,
Axel



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: What do I have to take responsibility for in relationship with others?

Postby Luc St-Amand » 06 Jan 2016, 14:22

I suggest taking responsibility for everything. Obviously we are not aware of how are words may impact another if we are not aware of how they impact ourselves as the individual placing the words, but at least work with what we are aware of. If a sequence of words causes you to react in a negative way, then it is likely those words will have the same effect on another. approach it practically in self honesty.



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Leila
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Re: What do I have to take responsibility for in relationship with others?

Postby Leila » 06 Jan 2016, 22:19

Hi Axel,

The sentence you quoted relates to publishing blogs which are non-supportive, where instead of writing about something where you empower yourself to change -- you write to further re-enforce and solidify the pattern within yourself, and so disempower yourself.
Your writing is your responsibility, and within aligning your responsibility to what is best for yourself (empowerment), you are creating a space and environment on the web which faciliates empowerment for others.
On the other hand, if you write a blog simply moaning, complaining and re-affirming how you can't change, you are disempowering yourself and so creating a speace and environment on the web which facilitates disempowerment for others.
So when you write, you can simply check - is the direction of my writing supportive and empowering? Or am I reinforcing limitation and disempowerment?
Maybe you had to rant and rave for a moment and just 'get it all out' -- as a reflection board for yourself, which 'on its own' is not supportive to share, as it lacks showing your movement from 'letting it all out' and then working through it, but it was supportive for you to do within a moment. So then you can decide to not share/publish such writings 'on their own' as such stand alone writing may be perceived as being okay to just let it all out without moving yourself to correction.

Do others have a responsibility within reading your words for their own reactions and experiences? Yes - for sure, everyone is 100% responsible for their own inner experience. But practically speaking, how many people in this world have established 100% responsibility and so 100% self directive principle within their inner and outer realities? At this stage I would say it's pretty much 0.
So within keeping in mind that everyone is still walking a process, and that people currently are still being influenced by other peoples' words -- we can either make things 'harder' for them or we can make things 'easier' for them. Meaning, if you write a blog which is drenched in disempowerment, then this facilates disempowerment within others. If you write a blog as self empowerment, then this what you facilitate for another.

Since we are all still in the process of walking from consciousness to awareness, to life -- we are not in control of who will and will not react to our words, and even if we write a supportive blog - some may still react.
Within this, all you can do is bring it back to yourself, support yourself the best you can within your own writing and so create the space to facilitate support for others. In the end what's best for you is what's best for others.



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Jeanne
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Re: What do I have to take responsibility for in relationship with others?

Postby Jeanne » 08 Jan 2016, 01:06

Thanks guys, cool question and discussion.
It is pretty simple when it comes down to it. Taking responsibility is rooted in the starting point: checking our intention.



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YoganBarrientos
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Re: What do I have to take responsibility for in relationship with others?

Postby YoganBarrientos » 09 Jan 2016, 07:18

Hey Axel.
I agree 100% with what Leila shared. Here is just a different approach to the same point.

So is there a difference when a person reacts to your writing where you are acting within self-pity or self-victimization, in comparison to your writing where you are doing self-forgiveness, taking responsibility, and writing the correction, realizations/understandings?

So yes there is. Because a person that reacts to your writing when its starting point is the principle of what is best for all, is resisting your writing. Whereas a person that reacts to writing that is not best for all, is either joining in with the writing and agreeing with it, or perhaps even seeing how it is BS, and not best for all.

So it is safe to say it is much better to write in the principles of what is best for all, and that people react to that. That is the simple answer. As you write your blogs and express yourself in the written word, there are much finer points that you can work on in self-expression. But that comes with practice and testing it out for yourself. There are ways to be even more supportive with ones words as well. Its all about doing all that you can. Makes sense?



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KasperKwan
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Re: What do I have to take responsibility for in relationship with others?

Postby KasperKwan » 10 Jan 2016, 17:14

I was wondering whether, whenever we put something out into the web, it is really my responsibilty to consider the possible reaction of others. This for one seems rather impossible, as there are too many possible reactions to whatever I write. But furthermore, it seems to me, from what I understand now, that their reaction is theirs anyway and thus also theirs to deal with. What do I have to do with their reaction (to anything)? This question also applies to any and all realtionships I have. If anyone can help me clarify this point of the responsibility I have for the reaction my actions cause in others, that would be very helpful.
l
When I write a blog, I follow the rule of thumb of "Self First". Meaning, first my writing has to actually help me, so I must change me as a direct result of my writing (however small). Then, I keep whatever names anonymous, because the pattern inside me is the priority: not naming names. Because I am making the writing public, in the beginning, it was a tool to force me to be accountable for what I say/write so the way I saw it was, "I am making sure that I am not writing bullshit and wasting my time and other people's time, and not make a fool of myself ranting."

That quote is probably referring to not ranting similar to only writing from the motivation of energy/emotions/feelings. The solution is to write only from the motivation/starting point of changing yourself, for you as the real you in the real world, and for all.



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Axel
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Re: What do I have to take responsibility for in relationship with others?

Postby Axel » 12 Jan 2016, 15:02

Hi all,

thanks for your comments. I think I understand to some degree what you mean. The following was particularly helpful.
Your writing is your responsibility, and within aligning your responsibility to what is best for yourself (empowerment), you are creating a space and environment on the web which faciliates empowerment for others.
On the other hand, if you write a blog simply moaning, complaining and re-affirming how you can't change, you are disempowering yourself and so creating a speace and environment on the web which facilitates disempowerment for others.
So when you write, you can simply check - is the direction of my writing supportive and empowering? Or am I reinforcing limitation and disempowerment?

Maybe you had to rant and rave for a moment and just 'get it all out' -- as a reflection board for yourself, which 'on its own' is not supportive to share, as it lacks showing your movement from 'letting it all out' and then working through it, but it was supportive for you to do within a moment. So then you can decide to not share/publish such writings 'on their own' as such stand alone writing may be perceived as being okay to just let it all out without moving yourself to correction.
I also agree to this.
Do others have a responsibility within reading your words for their own reactions and experiences? Yes - for sure, everyone is 100% responsible for their own inner experience. But practically speaking, how many people in this world have established 100% responsibility and so 100% self directive principle within their inner and outer realities? At this stage I would say it's pretty much 0.
However, I am still truggling with the concept "what is best for all".
So within keeping in mind that everyone is still walking a process, and that people currently are still being influenced by other peoples' words -- we can either make things 'harder' for them or we can make things 'easier' for them. Meaning, if you write a blog which is drenched in disempowerment, then this facilates disempowerment within others. If you write a blog as self empowerment, then this what you facilitate for another.
How can we know what makes things harder for them or easier for them? Sometimes, a gentle shock (even an intense shock) can pull people out of their habitual mind-sets and shock them into greater awareness. So for us, in order to decide what is best fot them, we should be able to judge their state of awareness. But this we cannot do as we cannot read their minds. Would it not be possible that "ranting and disempowerment" statements could bring somebody to realize how fed up they are and that they do not want to continue with such writing or reading?

I am really not tryting to justify rants or disempowering statements. But I am not sure that I fully understand what really is meant by "disempowering" and thus I would really like to better understand "what is best for all" in your opinion. I am struggling with this and keep getting confused by it.

So what I take from the comments here is that I should focus on myself, direct everything back to myself, and thus "hope" that what is best for me in this process will also help, perhaps, somebody else.

Is that the best way to proceed or did I miss anything important?



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KasperKwan
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Re: What do I have to take responsibility for in relationship with others?

Postby KasperKwan » 12 Jan 2016, 16:51

Disempowering statements: "You are especially stupid", "X is full of it", "How dare...."

It's like when there's no air in the airplane. The masks drop from the place above your seat and it is stated to help yourself first. Put on your mask first, before helping others.

It's the same way with discovering 'mind mechanics' let's call it. Mind patterns, personalities, characters, what makes us who we are, what is the mechanics behind a mood, etc.

If you are not understanding what you are writing, others are likely to not understand either. So don't be too concerned with what people think for now. Start with assisting yourself. With the tool of writing to self change, you either write to really change yourself, or you're wasting your own time.



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Leila
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Re: What do I have to take responsibility for in relationship with others?

Postby Leila » 12 Jan 2016, 22:38

I am really not tryting to justify rants or disempowering statements. But I am not sure that I fully understand what really is meant by "disempowering" and thus I would really like to better understand "what is best for all" in your opinion. I am struggling with this and keep getting confused by it.
Hey Axel

What you are sharing here is actually pretty cool, because this is actually quite an essential point to acknowledge, that = We don't know what's best for all.

What we are living today and how events are playing in the world - are showcasing us in extreme, troublesome ways that we don't know what's best for all, and that we haven't known what is best for all -- which has been accumulating throughout history to where we are at today, growing more grotesque as time goes by.

So within acknowledging that 'we don't know what's best for all', we open a door of humbleness, one where we can drop all preconceived sense of 'knowing' and allow ourselves to learn through experiences, through our daily application and adjust/re-align ourselves according to the feedback we receive from ourselves and our environment.

So this is a good point to keep in mind, that you DON'T know what's best for all, and that whatever we have been doing and are currently doing = is definitely not the answer - as our inner realities and outer realities clearly showcase to us.

Understanding and Living what is 'Best for All' is as much the Starting Point of your process as it is your Destination.
Only at the end of the road, will we truly understand, grasp, realise and Live 'What is Best for All' in the most absolute sense, including every single aspect of reality.
So how do we move from 'not knowing what is best for all' to 'knowing what is best for all'?
Our reality consists literally of a 'universe of aspects', so many things to question and consider - who am I in relation to each one of these aspects? What would be best for all in relation to each aspect?

So we start with those aspects which are immediately accessible and present to ourselves, as our inner world in the form of Thougts - Feelings/Emotions - Backchat - and the Unconscious as physical behaviour and presence. Then we take it a step further from our inner reality to our personal reality relating to our words and deeds and relationships with others, how we participate in our reality/environment.

Everything which exists in this world is a direct reflection of our inner realities as that which we accept and allow within ourselves, is what we 'hand out', manifest, shape and create in our outer world. So by investigating all the aspects which exist within us, we inevitably tackle all the aspects which are manifested outside of us.

So you take a singular thought, and you check - is the content of this thought best for all? If I act out this thought within myself, what does it create? How does it ripple out into my reality? What are its implications and consequences? Can I stand by this thought and all it encompasses as its consequences? Or do I change the thought to a new, constructive pattern, which supports me?
Then, when you change it - you check: Does it stand the test of time? Do I need to adjust anything else?

And so aspect by aspect, thought by thought, feeling by feeling, emotion by emotion - you establish 'who you are' in relation to that particular manifestation inside yourself. Do I accept and allow it - or do I change it? Once you change it and you have over time established that its outflows are supportive for yourself - now you have established 'what is best for all' in relation to this one single aspect. And so you work aspect, by aspect, gathering pieces of the puzzle until you have accumulated 'who you are' and 'what is best for all' in relation to ALL aspects of yourself -- and so end up knowing 'what is Best for All' in every single sense, and absolute way.

In terms of 'disempowerment', have a look at a thought pattern or emotion/feeling which is currently prominent in your life and write out your experience with it - then we can use this as a practical example to walk and establish what 'disempowerment' means as well as what 'empowerment' would mean.

If anything is still unclear in relation to 'Best for All', let us know



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YoganBarrientos
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Re: What do I have to take responsibility for in relationship with others?

Postby YoganBarrientos » 15 Jan 2016, 05:46

Hey Axel,
for your second question,
when I reflect on my history with the question what is best for all in a moment, it has been something that changed, which became more clear and specific the more I walked my own process and my own self-forgiveness. So in a sense, I did do my best with what I knew at the time. It is very cool you are asking this question, as it will now help you to speed up your process through receiving this feedback on the forum. So always focus on yourself and checking to see if you are clear, and looking for whatever reaction or movement you can forgive, investigate and understand. Through time, you will be able to assist others with your life experience of walking your own mind. At the moment, you are still walking process. So as you progress, the more you walk, the more you can assist others. So its to be honest about where you are at right now. Thanks




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