Speaking and moving too slowly?

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ZachWang
Posts: 207
Joined: 20 May 2014, 08:50
Location: Beijing

Speaking and moving too slowly?

Post by ZachWang »

Talking&Speaking too slowly

From many years ago(less than age 10), I have been noticing that during our class I don't dare to speak and act immediately when I have an idea/thought, but choosing to suppress it, and later regretted about not speaking out after I knew that I was right and good. Such depression/suppression/fear/hesitation pattern has been lasting for so long where later in my life at the age of 15-17, during these three years of schooling, I extensively depressed myself where I rarely talked to me in daily life.

And then during the age of 17-20, I often heard that people said that I spoke the words very slowly because there were too many thoughts within the mind running around and I just didn't know to refer to which one. And I didn't why I.should speak this or that because I just couldn't so much relate to why people act or speak in this way or that way because I was so lost into the mind.

Now, during these 3-4 years of following and walking with Desteni, I started to understand more and more about self and the world. And I didn't act automatically according to the mind anymore, you know negative emotions and positive feelings. I have been trying to talk absolutely honestly with self. But when I received people's questions about judging other people or things, I didn't know how to answer or how I think or feel about something or someone, I didn't have the judging vocabulary. And also, the way I observe and look at the world is quite different from those people around me, so it's a little bit alone in a way. So, if I start a topic with them, I will have to act like a blabbering fool. Because besides work and doing physical activities, talking and communication for me will not happen without a clear purpose like getting to know someone.

And also, I couldn't remember things very clearly where if you let me recall my memories, I would think about it for a while.

Slow Physical Actions/Movements

As my colleagues said, I moved sometimes very slowly, you know like walking or doing something. The real reason was that I just feared and worried that I maybe made a mistake and then there will be consequences for me to experience, like being treated badly. So, I had to be very careful because of my fear. And of course, there was physical tiredness exprienced by me, like depression always holding me back. Yes, it was sometimes or even often, not always. The memory attached to these would be my father's hitting on me and my primary classmates' bullying towards me, where both of the factors led to my always wanting to escape and hide.


Can anyone share some practical perspectives about how I can move and voice myself smoothly and honestly in participating the world and other human beings?



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barbara
Posts: 622
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 21:52

Re: Speaking and moving too slowly?

Post by barbara »

wangzhangkai wrote:Can anyone share some practical perspectives about how I can move and voice myself smoothly and honestly in participating the world and other human beings?
What I find essential with communicating is to always be clear of my starting point. Why is it that I want to say something. For instance, when, years ago, I just wanted to be a part of everything and everyone around me and I'd just say anything, it didn't go too well, because I didn't make much sense. I tried to be funny and make jokes around what people said, or how they said it, even though mostly just kidding and not debasing. However, I was making myself dependent on them responding to me in some benevolent way from where I concluded I was a part of it, I belonged to the group. I noticed that it didn't really support me in my expression and making contact. It didn't feel good either. So, with time I realized I have to take myself seriously in what I communicate. I make sure within me that what I say is me, is coming from a point of self-honesty and wanting to share myself. In this I also see that I am taking the respective others seriously as who they are, as beings - and not just as an environment, where I want to fit in; to cover up and handle insecurities by simply talking or making jokes.

The 'smooth' part is a process. The more you allow yourself to speak self-honestly coming from a point of unconditional self-acceptance, the more Here you are in and as you, as self, the easier, 'smoother'/more natural it is. Writing has helped me a lot for this. Because when I am clear on how I stand towards something, what relationship within self I have towards a point, I am able to see and understand it and thus communicate it - so it becomes a communication of myself as the point. This allows for a certain 'smoothness' if you will. You can also say you are allowing yourself to live communication. You can check out the eqafe site and do a search on living words, for instance, to get more clarity on what is meant here.

The slowness that you are mentioning is of course totally understandable when you look at the experience with your dad which created fear of doing something wrong. I would suggest to work on the fear with self-forgiveness. Rewalk all those fear experiences you've had, where you feared doing something wrong and how this played out. Forgive yourself for interpretations and reactions, self-suppressions and the fear. You can do this here or for yourself. Once you have released yourself from the fear memories that still hold this energy and where one takes these moments as a subconscious starting point and so recreates the experiences, you will be able to make a fresh start without this overlay. It will allow you to access more self-direction in your movement because you are clear within/as yourself.

Please share any questions and further writings! Hope this helps!



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ZachWang
Posts: 207
Joined: 20 May 2014, 08:50
Location: Beijing

Re: Speaking and moving too slowly?

Post by ZachWang »

Thanks, Barbara.

It was true that I was in a state of anxiety and fear within the mind in the first place when I talked to my mother when it came to my dad. In that moment of thinking about my dad, memories like hatred, fear, frustration, anger, violence would come up immediately in my mind. So, in the same context where there is emotion or conflict even very small not a big deal, I will because of such a little emtion or conflict become extremely emotional and full of violent thoughts. Because everytime my father was drunk, he would scream and yell at my mother with frustrations and angers, in the worst case, my father would fight and beat my mother. It was hard for me to let go of this part of my past life. It was overwhelming and ingrained. So, in everyday life or in my work environment, whenever I see or experience a conflict with others, I would tend to go into violent thoughts and imaginations because of my quick fear reaction based on my memory of how my mother and my father solved a conflict or emotional moments as the most consciouly acceptable way of solving problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to take responsibility for my reaction towards others but go into an illusionary imagination of solving the problem.

I.forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for what I experience as thoughts, emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for what I have accepted and allowed within me as fear, anxiety, anger and inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of aloud/high-pitched voice because of my memory where my father shouted at me with blaming emotion and then he hit me hard, then I became very scared and afraid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of being shouted at and hit, not realising that within such a fear, I actually compromise and victimize myself for what others have done.

When and as I see me fear of high-pitched voice or conflicts with others, I stop and breathe.

I commit myself to take responsibility for conflicts that I create with me and with others and for the fear that I have accepted and allowed through forgiving myself for accepting and allowing such fear.

I commit myself to take responsibility for all reactions that I experience based self-judgments, memories and pictures through living here in every moment of breath as my physical body as one as equal as all as what is best for all.



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viktor
Posts: 1395
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Speaking and moving too slowly?

Post by viktor »

Hi Wang,

My suggestion here would be to practice speaking more, to go into your zone of discomfort, and learn to direct yourself within it all, and to also understand that, communication is a skill, and that the more you practice (with presence and awareness) the better you will get. And then I would suggest that you initially place the focus and attention on YOURSELF to as such not become engulfed with backchat about how the other receiving person are speaking is experiencing him- or herself. That way you will more easily get to know yourself, your physical body, the way you sound and pronounce words, and if there are certain physical movements/characteristics that you see you will have to change in order for you to effectively bring through your own unique self-expression.

And then, as far as communication goes, when it comes to topics, and what is being discussed, most people are not able or ready to discuss any of deeper points of existence. Thus, in certain locations of our lives, we must take this into consideration and learn to speak/talk about the superficial. However, even though we might speak about the fact that the weather is sunny today and also quite windy, that does not mean we must limit our expression of intimacy and openness, as we are able to live such WORDS through HOW we speak, HOW we sound ourselves, HOW we move, interact, and stand within and as our physical bodies.



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