Share and ask your moments and experiences in random, unpredictable, sudden moments that happened to you - you'd like to understand. Whether it be during a discussion with someone and not understanding why certain thoughts / behaviours came up in you or another. Not understanding another's facial expression or even your own when looking in the mirror etc. So, this thread is dedicated to the everyday life moments we WONDER about but never ask.
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Postby JessicaArias » 28 Jan 2017, 21:27

I am experiencing a kind of depersonalization since yesterday - I feel this sensation of not knowing who I am or where I am standing, like if I were this paper in blank without any information or the information I have it´s getting so unreal and so not trusting anytyhing I used to trust.
I see myself as wrong, sometimes as correct and I know I have to change, I want to change in many ways so I can be better and correct behaviours and issues but also I have no reference at all, like for example a guide...well yes, I have desteni but sometimes I don´t even trust my own process. I am very confused and within this experience I am having a lof of panic attacks lately and I also am afraid of turning crazy.
I have been writting a lot on these things and applying SF and going outside to walk or I do excercise but again I end in this position of seeing myself without a defined persona. I am feeling also very lonely and like left alone and I also talk to friends to support me but also at the end I feel that´s not necessary to ask for help because I can do it alone, or I express all what I feel and then I regret doing it. Like, for example here, I know in a couple of hours I will regret posting this here! I hate this. I feel very fucked up.

Have you experienced this?

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Re: Depersonalization

Postby AnthonyF » 29 Jan 2017, 05:01

First thing I'd say Jessica is that you should definitely not regret posting this, or anything. Opening up and sharing and seeking support is fundamental to change! There have been points within me that have been dark..deep, that I've not told anyone, and actually only within the last few months have I opened up about them, to my buddy with DIP Pro, and got tremendous support. It's always that initial 'hurdle' that is the most difficult to overcome/get over, but through breath and no self-judgment, you can open up and it is so damn relieving to do this and to then allow yourself to gain the support necessary.
So this is definitely an awesome thing that you've done as getting over the first hurdle, so well done!

I've personally never experienced this, at least not to THIS extent. There have definitely been times where I've felt confused a lot, about where I should be to get there, what to do, how I should feel etc. And actually, I see this as a part of process. And to remember that this process is NOT easy. It IS difficult. So patience is so vital. Be patient with self, be slow, be relaxed and as stable as possible. Take it very slowly. Because rushing will only worsen symptoms.
This process is basically completely opposite of what we've all thought was real within our lives. Re-birthing ourselves as life, that is huge, that is MASSIVE. That is PAINFUL. But I'm sure we all know that by now, it's necessary. Yes it is a massive struggle, but to go back to our 'usual' life is NOT a step in the right direction. We must push forward, WITH PATIENCE and SUPPORT from ourselves and others.

I would say just keep up with the writing. BREATHE ALWAYS. I have taken breathing for granted where I simply believe it's not going to help me. I mean, breathing, it's SO simple, so easy, to 'natural' - and within this I've disregarded it. But I've been doing it more and more lately, in my everyday life/moments, and it has assisted me greatly. It really works. It's not just a myth or a joke, it is genuine. It is life-saving.
Also, something I also have changed kind of recently is to breathe whilst writing. At all times or when one is perhaps struggling to come up with something to write, or thinking too much, judging etc, it works the same way here, breath works wherever one is, whatever the scenario. So for me it has stabilised my writing a lot, where instead of for example going 'off track' - I remain direct and to the point of my writings and what self-forgiveness for example I need to write.

Obviously we all have different points/levels/patterns/programs that effect us, so each one's process can differ greatly, so just continue the great work within and as your self/your self-change and keep pushing further within and as patience!

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Re: Depersonalization

Postby JessicaArias » 29 Jan 2017, 21:12

Thank you Anthony !!!!!

I have observed through my process that I am very hard with myself in many ways and also like I want to understand all in a single moment and this causes me a lot of trouble within me . I indeed wanna change cause I see many things in me that I wanna change Sometimes I feel very dumb and foolish and I need to be more serious in some situations. Also due to being very sensitive it has been painful to let go of certain behaviours, situations, and ¡people! that´s what is hurting me the most. I have been working a lot within attachements and yes, maybe my mind is reacting to this cause I am changing in letting go certain personal behaviours and patterns. And indeed I have to be less hard with me hehe

But yes, it´s a process and Desteni has helped me a lot to understand many things in me and in others and its cool to be walking this

Thank you again with your support!
Hugs :D!

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Re: Depersonalization

Postby Garbrielle » 30 Jan 2017, 05:39

HI Jessica,

Cool support from Anthony.

Some suggestions to support yourself with grounding yourself when the mind get's busy, is to start to live your words meaning as best as possible when you say you will do something do it, this to build self trust. For instance, I suggest even doing a twenty one day challenge, taking one point where you walk something for 21 days, say an addiction habit or writing in a journal, and within that you walk the whole process until you have accomplished your goal. So to be clear, if you fall you have to start over. I suggest something that you have been falling in to do your 21 day challenge on, so it indeed is a challenge. This will support to build resolve in yourself and self trust that you can see that you are capable and can move when you direct yourself. Also, what i did was take notice of the mind points and triggers that cause me to fall or that came up throughout the 21 day challenge to understand more of how i am creating myself within the addiction and start putting the effort to direct myself to walk my mind process and change in real time. Once I started committing to this, my self change in what is best and wrote everyday or as often as i could, this supported with grounding me in reality. I would take on whatever came up that day, so if it was a fight i had with a sister or a huge desire for the mailman, lol, whatever the energy movement was i looked at it. And this i expand on within my process over months and even years, so always pushing myself to expand, look deeper, push my capabilities more, my creativity. There is going to be ups and downs for sure as you walk this process, the main point is to not give up, and if you require support, ask, either someone here on the forum or I would for instance get a private interview with the portal and find out what is going on as an option, or can listen to videos by Bernard or people walking process or from eqafe on the subject. I did whatever it took to understand the mind points and walk my corrections. This process was and has become my main priority in my life, I don't see anything more important then standing within myself in my own self directiveness to stop, change, and live what is best for all.

So this another cool point that i suggest to look at or re-look if you haven't done so in some time and that is look at why you are walking this process, what made you start, what do you see you want to create within your life, and what is your agreement with yourself in terms of who you will be and who not for your life creation, what are your strengths and weaknesses, what do you need to strengthen as your weaknesses to get to a point of being your utmost potential. Writing has really been a cornerstone of support for me to understand who i am here now and what i need to do to change to be a better version, written out it's easier to understand and look at, thinking about it or resisting the writing, your mind has a better chance of taking over and losing self grounding.

So some support for you Jessica in this time you are feeling ungrounded and lost, there is always support here and also I highly suggest listening to eqafe, this i have done as well for all of my process, educating myself on the mind as the mechanics and multiple layers that is involved and the portal goes into with incredible detail. And last but not least is your self decision, your process will in the end depend on you Jessica, who you are going to be, there is always solutions and you are always here as the solution, it just needs to be lived through and by self. Take care and continue sharing if you need more support. Thanks.

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Re: Depersonalization

Postby JessicaArias » 02 Feb 2017, 04:21

Thank you Garbrielle,

Yes, I will do that 21 challenge and keep pushing myself to be grounded and directing myself. I will be posting if I need more support/guidance, I appreciate this process and all of you for your example

I haven´t being able to afford Equafe interviews but I will surely do in days to come. I want to keep purchasing them, I know they are a great support


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Re: Depersonalization

Postby Marlen » 02 Feb 2017, 17:53

Hi Jessica

You've gotten some cool practical support here, furthermore I'd say whenever you can start listening to Eqafe, these are the ones to understand this point:

Depersonalisation / Derealisation - I'm Not Me - Psychological & Physical Disorders

Derealisation - Being into Body - Psychological & Physical Disorders

Derealisation & Depersonalisation - Separation - Psychological & Physical Disorders

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Rebecca Dalmas
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Re: Depersonalization

Postby Rebecca Dalmas » 04 Feb 2017, 20:01

Jessica this may be outside what has been said, yet i wanted to share because it popped up when I noticed some of your posts on FB.

You have this sensuality that you are moving into an image of sexuality, as the system. I would equate this sensuality to your connection to animals, and that sensuality has no place to go, in some ways within this system. I remember doing a lot of SF on my common sense being somehow dirty, as though I was afraid of my own ability to sense, because the mind must have a ' story' to take one's attention into as a morality.

My suggestion would be to embrace the sensuality and rather practice placing it more into small everyday practical things, as actions and simple awareness of the nature of things around you. Even writing lists, of practical step by step actions, to outline a presence more in sensitivity to the physical world.

I think of the sensuality of a cat, the way they move almost like silk, thus to use that quality to recognize the bricks on a path, the movement of a breeze, the qualities of another person, as though to see the frames of order around you more than looking for a systemic limited framework in which to place that sensibility.

I have another example where I noticed something like this. I watched a woman sign her name with such focus and consistent ordered flowing movement. IN person, I had the sense that she was very officious, meaning she appeared to me to speak more like a man, more in a kind of constant directing as opposed to being empathetic. She has a degree in biology, and has left that career to study martial arts. This art is more of a military style of physical movement. YET, the way she signed her name was so the opposite, it was so fluid, gentle and feminine- I would say 180 degrees from her more officious persona. I asked he what she liked as a child, and she said she liked to dance. Somehow, that sensibility in her she, as I see it, moved into a more military protective style, even though the initial desire to move her body remained- in other words she was suppressing her sensuality in some ways, yet it showed up in the way she signed her name.

That real sensual quality, which I called common sense and related to fearing to express because I had charged it with being dirty, is a great gift, and somehow, if you can accept it, and direct it, even in practicing sensing more of the world around you, you may discover more structure to express that sensuality through and into and find more stable ground.

Make sense?

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