I'm not sure if I understand what you are asking, but it probably has to do with the ability to forgive yourself, which can't be granted, given or allowed by anyone else but you. Why should you give yourself a second chance, or a third or a fourth one? That's something you can only answer yourself.
Something I cannot comment on however is on the 'experience' you had or the idea of what you think 'happened to you' since I don't have any similar experience or point of reference, all I can say is: keep it simple. This process is not about 'stopping the mind' as I have probably explained many, many times already, that was a simple way to put it at the beginning and it is often misunderstood. It is not about only 'existing breathing' and doing nothing, it's about facing our mind, our creation, our reflection, our dark sides and being willing to process it through the tools you already are aware of, so that one can actually focus on Creating ourselves in a self-directive way, in a way that we know is supportive and common sensical to us.
So, if there's anything you notice as you live and do your regular day to day stuff that you see is creating 'noise' inside you like emotions, reactions, backchat, judgments, fears, then that's when you can speak self forgiveness out loud for it, leading you to see what your responsibility is in the creation of such reaction, so that you can then redirect your moment to a more supportive outcome. That's the simplicity of process in reality, no need for 'major realizations' or 'not thinking at all' or 'keeping yourself awake' or 'seeing a third eye' type of experience, keep it simple, and rather focus on how you are going to redirect yourself once that you see the things that you want to change within you.
Another point, don't be afraid or 'disliking' asking for support, it's only ourselves in our egos that do that and believe 'we can do it on our own' - there's a reason why places like this one exist, so, being humble about it all is part of acknowledging we are not islands, we need each other and it's ok to ask for support when needed.
Self forgiveness is a tool to acknowledge the points that one has created, that one can take responsibility for and redirect one's life from that moment on in a different direction through living words that are instead supportive for you in that moment. There's nothing else needed, no great realizations or having to 'stay breathing only' for long periods of time either, again, keep it simple,, it is a process of self investigation, introspection, getting to know yourself, not about getting any 'grand' experience or perceiving 'I have shut my mind off' because if that really happened, well we would be dead, lol.
Learn from your mind, learn to embrace your mind, your mind is not the enemy, it is you, it is a part of you, so no need to try and do something against it, it's about learning to direct oneself as the mind, as the essential part of our body and functioning that it in fact is. There is nothing wrong with the mind in itself as the system or mechanism it is, it is the way we have programmed it - or running automatically - that we have to create an awareness of to be able to change it.
So, if something is still unclear, then you can ask once again about it -