difference between considering something unacceptable and judging something

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difference between considering something unacceptable and judging something

Post by zheliu »

In practical living, what is the difference between considering certain reality is unacceptable and judging the reality?

For example, when I often read news about certain celebrity or star cheating on his spouse, and that just brings so much memories of how many women are treated poorly in the real life. I just got so mad and find myself fighting with the reality inside, feeling very conflicted, because I realize as a woman there is nothing I can do to change men's nature (biologically speaking), feeling powerless, and then this emphasize the thought that I will never put myself in such situation, i.e. never have a relationship or get married, then I started to blame myself cause I know many women allow this situation (maybe I am not understanding enough, maybe I should not judge) and looping in this conflict, and felt self pity. So in short, I think the reality is unacceptable. Also, I know I should not judge it.

Another example is that one of my coworker lied to cover his own mistake, and I was very angry about this, I think this is unacceptable, but I also know that I am judging him.

Of course, the presumption here is following principles: 1. we need to stop accepting and allowing what is not best for all 2. judging is bad.

So I am quite confused on this, because how can you think something unacceptable without judging it? (cause to me it seems to be a paradox) Or how can you think something unacceptable and accept it as is at the same time?

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Re: difference between considering something unacceptable and judging something

Post by Gabriel »

Hi Zheliu, thanks for posting your question.

When you judge something, that will usually indicate that you are projecting a part of yourself onto the person or situation that you are looking at.

For instance, when someone does something that I find 'not cool' but I ALSO experience emotions such as anger and resentment, then I immediately know that I need to 'clear myself' first by applying self-forgiveness to get to the actual root of why I am experiencing these emotions in the first place. Because these emotions of anger and resentment, the other person did not place them or create them in me - I created and allowed these emotions in me and what is happening 'in the outside world' is merely 'triggering' these emotions in me and thefore they already existed inside me anyway.

Hence you might have a notion of behavior that is unacceptable, yet as long as you find yourself exxperiencing 'reactions' towards what happened (or what was said or done) then you are not yet finished with your inner work and have to go deeper with self-forgiveness.

Thus, there are are things which are unacceptable in the world as you say, but as long as we cannot address these issues with a 'clear startingpoint' within ourselves, which means without emotions or judgments, it means that we have not yet understood the issue within ourselves in self-forgiveness.

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Andreas Wittmann
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Re: difference between considering something unacceptable and judging something

Post by Andreas Wittmann »

Hey Zehliu,

with situations as you describe them, a way to deal with them is to "bring them back to self", because right now, you are looking "outside" to what "they do or did" but not inside and to your self and your reactions to the situation/point.

So for example with the "cheating celebrity" you could ask yourself "why am i reacting to this event/point i am seeing?" "where in my life/past have i felt betrayed/cheated on/treated poorly by a guy/guys?" "Which are those memories that i learned that women will be/are treated badly/poorly by guys?" (your real life memories) "Do i hold judgement/anger/blame against the guys in my memories?" etc...so you essentially look within your self and your life, where your reactions are coming from (past events) and use those to apply self-forgiveness and set yourself free from the energetic hold those memories have over you. You can also apply self-forgiveness on the "fears" you have created through holding on to the memories, for example "that this will happen to me too", "fear of relationships", "fear of being cheated/betrayed" or treated poorly by a guy...

from there you can go even further and ask yourself "How can i empower myself?", who do you have to be, what do you have to do to "treat myself well?" and what does that mean? what is the responsibility of the women (your) in those situations?

The second example, with projecting "anger/blame" in particular, it is often that we - in any sort, shape or form - do the exact thing we are angry for with another person - so, here the same principle applies: one bring it back to self, and ask "where do i to the exact same thing?" then you can take responsibility and change your behavior/patterns.

I think a key is, and that is what "bringing it back to self" does, to build UNDERSTANDING. We judge what we do not understand and usually do not understand your judgements lol. So to investigate where they come from and where/how one created/copied the judgements supports with understanding ourselves.


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Re: difference between considering something unacceptable and judging something

Post by Dilan »

I would say we know when we are judging. It is very distinct. There is 'something in the air,' so to speak, which we self-honestly can pick up. A reference I use to see if I judge is to find if I am reacting, in any way, any feeling, emotion, thought, or behaviorally to the person or thing.

Something being unacceptable would be when you take what you see in another as not good, and look at where in the micro to the macro of your life you show the same tendency or pattern and then focus on correcting it first inside. Then from there, you stand as the correction first in yourself and your life with and without interactions with others.

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