668: The Real Deal
Written on January 1, 2020
One of my goals this year is also a good explanation at why there are inconsistencies with my sharing via blogs, vlogs, and in general social media posting.
When things are 'well' - when I feel relatively stable and clear-minded or happy even, it's easy to share and it's easy to rant and rave about the benefits of self-will and self-directiveness.
When I am having major reactions, or I'm more emotional and can't seem to find my footing - I go silent. In this case, my silence is loud in expressing that I'm having a challenging time.
So for the year to come my goal is to push through the challenging times and create more of a consistency in my sharings. I think one of the downfalls and cons of social media is that we often share the pretty picture, the nice sunset, the vacation shot that looks like another day in our day to day living and so everyone starts to think these picture-perfect moments are the majority of our life. When in reality, we all sit on the toilet every day. lol - that's funny and oh so grounding... the reality of our equality is we all take a shit
BUT (lol, couldn't help myself) we all don't live picture-perfect lives every single day. Most of us probably live quite a mundane and ordinary life. THAT'S REALITY. But we only want to share the glamorous, the triumphant, the beautiful and not the raw and real fucking challenge living in THIS world is.
It is a struggle and a daily grind trying to create stability in this world, especially for those born without that silver spoon in our mouths. No blame here for the wealthy or educated, just the reality that not all are given the same starting point/opportunity in life and some have to work really hard, against all odds, to have a dignified life.
What I'm trying to say is that we all struggle and are challenged and don't always experience our emotional and mental best. During these times, I tend to go quiet as a form of suppressing myself. Sometimes it's to process what I'm going through but a lot of times it's to silence my experience so I don't have to face it as directly as I do when I'm sharing more consistently.
So my goal and my challenge, if I choose to accept it, is to practice and remain more consistent in my sharings... through the good times and the bad, in sickness and health, until death do us part. This is a commitment I am making to myself and to you as a point of saying "we are the same and we all face the same instabilities at times" and by god(man) it's time we start sharing and seeing the reality of ourselves and others.
My consideration and hope are also that in pushing to share more consistently, I will create more stability... I will more effectively and efficiently walk through those challenging experiences because I have already seen for myself how much I am supported in sharing blogs and vlogs, where I'm directing myself to share my self-honesty and my process of transformation, so surely it will support in the difficult times as well. I also resist sharing those parts of myself which shows another opportunity to expand myself.
And consistency is continual growth and movement and that's what I'm interested in.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to share myself, unconditionally, through the good times and the bads where if I am experiencing myself as more emotional or challenged by my own reactions I tend to quiet myself as a way of suppressing myself and in that, prolonging my process of change
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the opportunity I have in sharing myself more consistently, through the stable and not so stable times as a point of pushing myself to walk through my experiences a direct myself back to my self-honesty and self-forgiveness to create self-stability and clarity
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize what I create when I share myself only when I'm feeling stable and clear and happy which is an image of a life that is not the WHOLE picture but instead a fragment part of me that is only possible by when I walk through the more challenging times
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself when facing more challenging experiences instead of pushing to remain consistent in my sharing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am the only one that faces challenging times and so want to remain quiet as to not show people the more challenging times instead of realizing we are all going through challenging times as this world system is a challenging time and so rather than hiding in isolation, I commit myself to share in support and solidarity
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of self-judgments that keep me quiet and rather embrace my challenging times and share it with others so that they may find support as well and to within that, remove the power the reactions I may be having
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how grounding sharing can be
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accurately show the real picture of me going through real experiences and hard times and moments of emotional and mental weakness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe it's better to be silent then the speak up
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that we need to see the reality of this world and that starts with individuals sharing the reality of who they are
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to face the reality of who I am and face those darker parts of myself
When and as I see myself wanting to hide and be quiet when I'm not feeling emotionally or mentally my best, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand this is me suppressing me and in continuing to allow this, I'm presenting a fake face, and a false image of who I am instead of the WHOLE picture which is I have tough times sometimes and I don't always apply myself the best I can and I sometimes feel weak and insecure and so I commit myself to be vulnerable and share me as a WHOLE and not the image I think will look the best
I commit myself to show myself and others the REAL me which is the WHOLE story - the good and the bad, the sickness and the health, the process I am walking day in and day out with the goal of self-realization, self-awareness, self-forgiveness and aligning myself with LIFE in equality and oneness
I commit myself to push to remain consistent in my sharing to show the real picture
*Update: Since I wrote this, I have been sharing some of my journey on my youtube channel HERE. It started with 30 days of vlogging and my goal is to have it continue, as with these blogs, in a more consistent, trustworthy way.
I am still here and I have been here and I will always be here.
Thank you for being here too.