Anna's Journey to Life

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Anna
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Anna's Journey to Life

Post by Anna »

http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/04/14/a ... ife-day-1/

DAY 1

Here I begin. I begin the journey of walking myself out of the mind - to nothingness as the purification of myself of the past, of existing in as a repetition of the past - and as such I stop. As I stop and stand responsible for all that I have created myself into and as, in forgiving myself - I let go of the old and give myself the opportunity and responsibility of birthing myself as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within and as an experience of inferiority, self-suppression and self-judgment, when reading the self-forgiveness of others in which and through which I see and perceive that they are able to grasp and expand themselves into realizations on points that I perceive myself as yet unable to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as an experience of shame and self-judgment when reading the self-forgiveness of others and seeing how they are forgiving points that I perceive as existential and written in far more self-honesty that I am able to apply myself within in, even though I do see the common sense of every word they have written

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inferiorize myself to the words of others, if or when I see that they are directing a point in self-honesty that I do not yet have directed within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read the writings of others, from a starting point of comparison and thus competition and within that measure myself, as how I perceive myself, against how I perceive them – not seeing or realizing that I am not perceiving what is here in fact, as I am perceiving myself from within and as the mind, in and as separation from and of myself her, in a relationship to my world and reality as reflected in and onto others as points outside separate from me that I compare myself to from a starting-point of fear as ego – not realizing that I am comparing myself to and competing with myself in my mind

I forgive myself that I, through separating myself from myself here, into and as parts that I have created separate relationships with, in and as the mind and in and as the physical reality as others, have accepted and allowed myself to compete with myself – believing, accepting and experiencing that I, in and as how I have perceived, experienced and accepted myself as ‘a part’, must compete with other parts, in my mind and in the physical reality, in order to exist and survive and here, to make process as how I have perceived and associated process with survival as existence as the only way I have allowed myself to live.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have created the manifestation of competition out of and from my own self-delusion and deception, in that I have made something physically impossible, possible through the mind and through that have forced my insistence on the delusion as real, in and onto the physical – not realizing that who I am within competition is self-delusion and deception as competition is based on there being One winner where the parts believe that they can and must be that One winner to be able to exist – not seeing, realizing or understanding that I already am One and that I as such can only “win” the “ability”/”opportunity” to exist, by bringing all parts of myself back together in equality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself in humbleness, that when I see the expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty in another’s writings, that that too exists equally in me and that all that is required for me to align myself to, as and within that point here as myself, is to allow myself to stand equal to it and one with it and to see how I can walk a practical process of implementing and integrating that realization for, in and as myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand humble as an equal in gratefulness of the expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty applied by another in writing, as a step for all of us to expand ourselves in self-realization and self-honesty and to see that this is therefore an opportunity for me to accept, allow and direct myself to expand myself in and as self-realization and self-honesty

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish and elate myself in my mind, as ego, as fear to actually separate myself from myself as expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty, by separating myself from the words directed by another, by perceiving them as a threat to my self-image in the belief that because “only One can win”, it must mean that I am then not effectively directing my words as I compare my words to the words of the other as inferior because they do not contain the same point of expansiveness in self-realization or self-honesty

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only way I cannot stand equal with words, is if I separate myself from them – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see and understand that it was not the words that was separate from me or the other being – but that it was I, who accepted myself as separate in the moment of reading the words, in fact as a point of deliberate self-diminishment wherein and through I did not allow myself to stand as an equal here and as such apply myself accordingly in implementing the self-realizations and points of self-honesty that I saw within the words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, accept and insist on that what another is applying for themselves, is and must be separate from me and at the same time, within having created a phony sense of “oneness”, believe that as “all is me” yet I am in competition with “other parts” to stand as that point of “oneness”, the other have then taken something from me – have won OVER me and is thus superior to me as I see, perceive, believe and experience and accept myself inferior accordingly

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is not the other being I am inferior to, as I could simplistically direct myself to stand as an equal with and as their application of self-realization and self-honesty and as such that what I stand inferior to, is myself, as the mind, as that which I have abdicated myself to, which is evident within how I reacted in the moment of seeing another’s writings and going into competition, fear and shame instead of looking practically at the point in self-honesty and self-support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand and accept myself as inferior to competition, within without question having accept competition as a basic foundation of my existence through which I can ensure my own survival and perceived “oneness”

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the reason why I perceive myself as perceived “oneness” as under threat , why I believe I must compete with others, is because my “oneness” is not actual Oneness – as I, within who and how I have accepted myself as separate from myself, from Life, from substance, from others – am existing as a “part” only – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that what I actually feared, resisted, refused and denied, was letting go of myself as “a part”, as separate and actually and in fact accepting and embracing and realizing myself in and as the oneness and equality of all that is here

I forgive myself that I, within resisting, refusing, denying and fearing to let go of myself as a separate part, have accepted and allowed myself to exclude myself from life and thus exclude life from myself and as such cut myself off from realizing myself here as life, from bringing myself back here as life and as such defend, propagate and insist on remaining separate, with all the consequences that my separation of and as myself entails – of suffering, abuse and inequality that I have accepted and promulgated and defended only within and through exerting myself as separate

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that only by keeping, forcing, deceiving and enslaving myself to remain within the delusion that I am separate, have I been able to justify existing in interest as ego as fear, accepting, allowing and justifying abuse and suffering by separating myself from it, denying it in and as myself, denying that I am the creator and the responsible for it and as such specifically prevent myself from realizing myself here as life, in and as equality

When and as I read the words of another, that I see is written in and as an expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to live, implement, integrate and realize within and as myself in equality – I embrace the words here as myself and I look directly and specifically at what the “gap” is that I have created between myself and these words – as to why I am not living these words and this self-realization and this self-honesty equal and one. And as such I place for, as and within myself a practical self-correction from where and in and through which I can in fact practically implement and integrate the points of self-realization and self-honesty as expansiveness that I have seen in the words of another – in realizing that I can only be separate from the words and the practical living of the words, if I have already separated myself from them as myself and that therefore what is required, is that I collapse that “gap” of separation, until I stand one and equal living these words in and as myself.

I see, realize and understand, that what is required, is that I remain here, in walking myself out of the mind and into the physical – through directive self-application to, as and within self-honesty in every moment of every breath – diligently, specifically, directly direct all points and parts of and as myself that I have separated myself from, into and as, by writing out the patterns/personalities/relationships that I have accepted and allowed myself to create in separation of and from myself here as the physical, by directing, stopping, releasing all thoughts/emotions/feelings/reactions/back chat in clear a-(w)here-ness of and as myself in every moment of every breath, not allowing one single thought to “slip through” undirected as I understand that that is the very definition of self-abdication, through which I have allowed myself to inferiorize myself to the mind, by letting the mind stand as the directive principle of and as me – instead of me directing myself here in a-(w)here-ness to be, become and live that which is best for all life – as myself, one and equal.

When and as I see that I am participating in competition through comparison or jealousy within my mind alone or projected towards someone/something outside separate from me, I stop. I breathe through the experience and I direct it within myself firmly in the realization that who and what I am competing with, is myself, in and as the delusional belief and acceptance of myself as separate, yet attempting to assert myself as one – as I realize the absolute self-deception and self-delusion that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and manifest myself into and as – and how the only thing I am creating through participating in this, is my own detriment as I am essentially living and existing as a delusion which is not physically possible, that is not life, that is not best for all and that can only fall, as I am here as Life, no matter how hard I have tried to annihilate and abdicate myself.

So – I embrace myself as the mind. I embrace myself as the point of delusion, in which I have attempted to make myself “whole” and “one” through manifesting the exact opposite and reverse – as fighting, annihilation, separation and abuse and I give myself the opportunity, gift and responsibility of bringing myself back Here – back to earth – back to this here physical body that does in fact exist as ONE – where no competition, separation, fighting, deception is required because all forms and manifestations exists in equality.

I realize that Life can only exist in equality – and as long as I deny myself as equality – I deny myself as Life and I will continue splitting and separating myself and fighting myself – because who I am cannot be denied. So I stop the fight against myself. I stop insisting on remaining separate. I stop competing with myself as delusional parts of separation as constant polarities diminishment and grandeur.

I live here. I walk here. I participate here. And all points that I see that I am standing separate from, within and as, I realize is my own delusional creation – and as such my responsibility to bring back to myself. I realize that it is not within “being separate” that I must direct myself, because it is within the very acceptance, creation and manifestation – and insistence on separation, that I have allowed myself to deny myself as life, as expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty.

So, with these words, I open my eyes to my acceptances and allowances – to what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as – and I walk here, giving myself the opportunity to expand and realize myself in self-honesty in every moment of every breath.

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Maite
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

Post by Maite »

Cool, Anna!

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Anna
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

Post by Anna »

DAY 2 – Pretentiousness – Purifying The paradox of Living Make-Belief
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/04/16/d ... ke-belief/

Here I am looking at pretentiousness as myself, as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, expose, open and share myself in and as pretentiousness and look at how pretentiousness exist in and as this reality. I walk through this writing in showing an sharing how one can open a pattern up for oneself by looking at the layers that are existing within the definitions of the word and what is thereby revealed as a part of self, that self has existed self as.

This is an absolute vital point for me to walk through, as it is through pretentiousness that I have been hiding from myself and from the world as well as having compromised myself. I experience resistance to exposing and opening this point up which is awesome – because that means that this is exactly THE point that is here to be faced, by me, as me, in me. I cannot deny it. It is fascinating that facing oneself can only be facing what is in fact HERE, not what one wishes to be here or what one denies being here. And that is exactly what the purpose of pretentiousness is: to pretend that one is something that one is not. Thus that is what I direct myself to expose myself in and as here.

PURIFYING PRETENTIOUSNESS

Current allocation of the word (how I understand the word exists in the world):

Pretentious. Someone that boasts themselves, arrogance, someone that is ridiculous and a laughing stock for blowing themselves up. Pretentious is also seen as someone that thinks they are more than what they are. But actually they are merely pretending, and as such they do in fact know. To be pretentious is looked down upon. It is shameful and embarrassing.

DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS

pretentious

 adjective attempting to impress by affecting greater importance or merit than is actually possessed.

From pretend

 verb

1 act so as to make it appear that something is the case when in fact it is not. engage in an imaginative game or fantasy. simulate (an emotion or quality).

2 (pretend to) lay claim to (a quality or title).

 adjective informal imaginary; make-believe.

Origin:

late 14c., "to profess, assert, maintain" (a claim, etc.), "to direct (one's) efforts," from O.Fr. pretendre "to lay claim," from L. praetendere "stretch in front, put forward, allege," from prae "before" (see pre-) + tendere "to stretch," from PIE root *ten- "to stretch" (see tend). Main modern sense of "feign, put forward a false claim" is recorded from c.1400; the older sense of simply "to claim" is behind the string of royal pretenders (1690s) in English history. Meaning "to play, make believe" is recorded from 1865.

SOUNDING (in investigating the sounding of the word, I can assist myself to see definitions and associations that not necessarily are conscious or obvious as how the word is existing resonantly within me):

PRETEND-TIE-US

PRE-TENSION

PRETTY-END-I-USE

PRETTY-INTENTIONS

PRETENSE-I-USE

SELF-INVESTIGATION

Let’s have a look at how does pretentiousness exist in the world. The first point that comes to mind, is how women will get plastic surgery done, to create the false image of themselves as more than who and what they are here, yet within that not in fact see that they are diminishing themselves and actually accepting themselves as less than who and what they are here, BY attempting to become more, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that one’s starting-point of being less than is not real. So that is a cue as well. That it is within attempting to be more than who I am that I have in fact accepted myself as less, stretching myself into the future – lol – literally through Botox and silicone, instead of facing myself here and looking at whether what I accept myself as, what I believe and accept myself as, is even real.

Another point in the same notion is photo shopping of images of women that exist as a total and global point of deception, where everyone believes and pretends that this is in fact how women look like and how we are all supposed to look – not realizing that it is fake and unrealistic. In fact our entire world and reality is created upon make-belief, the belief that the world is order, the belief that there is love in the world, the belief that a loving god knows what he is doing, the belief that family is good and loving. All of these are examples of pretentiousness, where we pretend to be more than what we are, not facing ourselves as what is here and thereby giving ourselves the opportunity to face ourselves and ask ourselves whether what we are living is who we really are. So it is time to stop the pretending, to attempting to stretch ourselves into the future, into imaginary heavens or careers or how everything will suddenly change for the better without us actually taking the practical steps required to manifest and create a future for ourselves that is here once we get to it. That is exactly the point – the future is not here. We can only direct the future to become what is best for all, by walking the required steps here, until the future we are directing ourselves into, is here.

So it is the fantasy that ties us, the make-belief that we tie ourselves to, as we exist in a tension field between the past and the future. It is the short-cuts we use to create happy endings for ourselves in the mind that we attempt to fit ourselves into and as, the pretense we use to hide ourselves from ourselves.

MY RELATIONSHIP WITH AND IN THE PATTERN OF PRETENTIOUSNESS

The reason why this word and application came up is because I had written an entire writing and as I was writing it, something did not ”sit right”. I realized that I was accessing a pattern of pretentiousness – which means that I was not real. I was not writing for me. I was attempting to write as something/someone that I am not. So I am going to be straight with myself here – and start over. After all, that is what we are here to do. It is interesting, because now that I look at it, it is actually a perfect carry-through from yesterday’s writing – and however much I want to write about ‘grand’, ‘existential’ points (not to say that this is not existential) – this is what is here.

The obvious definition of pretentiousness is to make oneself more than what one is, through presenting a false image of self to the world and to oneself in one’s own mind. I have written extensively about this point for myself previously, but I have continued living it and as much as this is the real deal – the actuality of who and what I have allowed myself to be and become, it exactly reveals that I in my participation in my reality has not been real. So – how to be real? How to open up this point in depth so that I can walk through it and actually real-eyes myself, so that I live here for real, so that I stand here for real, so that the words I speak are real? That is what I am here to give myself the opportunity and gift to explore and develop.

So, what I am looking at here is the following: since I have written extensively about this pattern, why am I still living it? What is it I have allowed myself to miss?

So – let’s have a look at the definitions that came up:

“False claim” – is not only pretending to be someone one is not, but also claiming that one is someone that one is not, thus creating a false presentation for the world to see.

“Engage in an imaginary game or fantasy” – thus not being here, being physical, and walking physically here with and as self – existing instead as a “make-believe” as: “If I make myself and another’s believe it enough, it will become real”

It is interesting that one of the original definitions is simply to “make a claim” or “assert” something. So – the problem arises with the “before” – meaning to act as something one has not yet stood as, as an equal – which makes it make-belief and not real and thus imaginary. The same is true for “stretching” a point or oneself, because it is an act where one forces one’s inner mental reality onto the physical world - to “put forward a false claim” is exactly the same.

Now in the original sense of the word pretentious of “before” combined with “stretch” – it is quite interesting, so I am in fact, through participating in the mind in a make-belief idea of myself stretching myself into the future, “before time” in trying to be/become/live something that I have not yet stood equal as.

So why have I not changed this pattern?

1) Because I still believe that this is the way to ‘make oneself more than one is’

2) Because this is how I have ‘always’ lived and the only way I ‘know’ how to live

3) Because within letting it go I have no choice but to face myself here and I don’t like or accept myself here

4) 4) Because I am not who I thought I was – thus revealing that I am defining myself according to a thought about “who I am” – thus existing in and as a point of pretense, in the very manifestation of “before” and “stretch”.

So because this is the only way I have known how to live – something that I have applied extensive self-forgiveness for on various layers of the pattern, the question of supporting myself to a practical solution is: what do I put in place of pretentiousness, of instead of pretending I am something that I am not, instead of existing as a make-belief, made up by beliefs, instead of stretching myself into the future, by seeing what I could be and then attempting to bring that here as myself now, without actually walking the required steps to become it in fact?

The solution is that I walk with and as what is here as myself in humbleness to the very fact that this here, whatever that is, in every moment of every breath, is what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – to face and stand within the reality of myself as who and what I am here – to not move away from what is here, but to walk in accountability for what is here, to in-fact change myself through deconstructing the beliefs I have created myself into and as. It also means identifying exactly how I create, manifest and participate in the pattern of “before” and “stretching” of myself, through which I separate myself from myself here.

The question I am asking myself is the following: what will it take for me to let go of the pretense, the false image, the stretching of myself into the future, in walking something prematurely and thereby separating myself from myself here as well as denying responsibility for who and what I in fact am living in and as here? How do I stop pretending that I am someone that I am not?

By accepting what is here and by committing myself to change and stop that of and as me that is not acceptable or best for all. I can only do that by facing myself.

Thus this is a journey to humbleness. To point zero. Yet it can also be equally pretentious to pretend that one does not know or that one is unable to walk the correction. So it is a matter of stopping all pretenses. How to stop pretending, is thus by facing and facing up to what is here as myself. And I start over in humbleness. Facing self also means stop denying and this is probably one of the most important points of practical implementation and self-support, to self-will myself to face all and everything of and as me, as what I have accepted and allowed within and as myself. I experience shame towards exposing this point for myself however here is no turning back or denying it. This is it. It is a stop. So I stop.

REDEFINING "PRETEND"

(Here I redefine the word to stand within a definition of what is best for all that holds no positive or negative charge but is simply expressing a physical application)

To pretend is to directively in awareness act as something that one is currently not physically (or yet) manifested as.

It can be cool and fun to play pretend, as long as one does it in full awareness and without hiding from self in pretending to be something separate from self

SELF-FORGIVENESS

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as pretentiousness as pretending that I am something that I am not, so as to not have to face myself here and in attempting to stretch myself into the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend that I am something that I am not, as more than who and what I am here and within that separate myself from myself here and deny the reality of me as well as abdicate myself and my opportunity to realize myself and change myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could pretend my way to creating a perfect reality and a perfect personality, instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that I was existing in a delusion in my mind, that I believed I could force onto physical reality and make-real while all along it was a make-belief fantasy, as I was separating myself from myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I pretended to be more than who and what I am here, I would eventually become it, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that in the very definition of pretend, I am lying to myself, deceiving myself and separating myself from myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a pretentious image and definition of myself in my mind of and as being more than who and what I am here, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I within that, am separating myself from myself here into and as self-deception and denying myself the opportunity to face myself in self-honesty and actually stand up as life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I within existing in vanity, as pretending to be more than who and what I am here, have existed in vain as my pretense could never be real as it was the very definition of make-belief as self-deception and delusion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself the opportunity to face and realize myself in self-honesty, by and within allowing myself to pretend that I am something/someone that I am not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience shame and embarrassment towards opening up the point of pretentiousness, as how I have lived and existed in the make-belief that I am more than who and what I am here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this entire world and reality as we as humans have created it upon the earth, is build up from pretentiousness, from pretending (and insisting) that we are something/someone that we are not, and within that compromise, disregard and separate ourselves from what is here as this physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and experience sadness and sorrow towards giving up and letting go of myself as pretentiousness and make-belief, within seeing, realizing and understanding that what I face myself as without pretending to be something/someone that I am not, as more than who and what I am here, is not who I want to be or like to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as creating a reality and world upon this earth based on pretense, as pretending that what is here, is something more than what it is, that who we are here is more than who we are and within that abandon, disregard and separate ourselves from the physical as ourselves

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the reason I experience resistance, sadness and sorrow towards giving up and letting go of myself as pretentiousness and as make-belief, is because I am then faced with the truth and reality of myself, as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and within that have brought myself to the point of no return, where I can no longer deny what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and live and exist as – and as such am committing myself to a process of walking the exposure and purification of myself as who and what I have accepted myself in and as, until I have removed and deconstructed all points of pretense, deception and make-belief that I have deceived myself into believing and accepting to be true and real

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that by submitting myself to make-belief, in the attempt to make my self-deception real, I have compromised, disregarded and diminished myself here as who and what I in fact am

See – for example when women getting plastic surgery to look good, there is somewhat a consensus that what they are doing is empowering themselves – but in their submission to the desire to make themselves better and more and the living out of that desire in the extreme, they have compromised their human physical bodies and they have given in to exactly that which they wanted to change, that they were not satisfied with themselves, that they defined themselves according to how they look and how men will find them attractive, that this is what they based their self-worth upon – and as such they have denied themselves the opportunity to in fact realize that their lack of self-worth was not real. They have denied themselves the opportunity to get to know themselves, become intimate with themselves and realize that they are not less than – and can thus not be more than, who and what they are here. Thus by giving into the deceptive belief that it is possible to become more than, they have in fact solidified their acceptance of themselves as less than, which is why many of these women can’t stop getting plastic surgery – because no matter how hard they try, they cannot become more than who they are. And therefore, the only possible solution is to first face ourselves in the self-honesty of how we have accepted ourselves as lacking and in that have disregarded and in fact discarded ourselves as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in beliefs, faith, feelings, positive affirmations, positive self-talk, self-comforting so as to convince myself that my internal make-belief version of reality and self-definition is real and thereby and within that, uphold and participate in the total self-deception of humanity that is preventing us from seeing what is here, as who and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and submit myself to the premise that in order to live and exist in this world and reality, one has to pretend that one is something that one is not, one has to make-believe that one is more than who and what one is here, to not risk exposure of who one really is and in that risk being exclude and excommunicated from society and form the opportunity to go to heaven

I forgive myself that I, by accepting and allowing myself to accept and submit myself to the premise that in order to live and exist in this world and reality, one has to pretend that one is something that one is not, one has to make-believe that one is more than who and what one is here, have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself enslaved in self-deception and to within that allow the totality of abuse and suffering on this planet, for billions of beings, to be ignored, disregarded and deliberately suppressed and thus continued indefinitely

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see and understand the consequences of my acceptance of myself as pretense, of my acceptance of myself in and as the acceptance of the belief that to exist and live in this world and reality, I have to pretend that I am something I am not, that I am more than who and what I in fact am here – and that I must at all costs keep the true nature of myself hidden from myself and from the world and suppress my true nature that I have accepted and perceived as a threat to my survival

I forgive myself that I, within accepting the premise that I have to pretend that I am something I am not, that I am more than who and what I am here, have accepted myself to suppress, deny and hide my true nature from myself and within that having denied myself the opportunity of realizing myself as life, as who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to live and exist

I forgive myself that I within, having accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as inferior and as a threat to my own survival, have accepted and allowed myself to accept and to submit myself to pretending that I am something that I am not, that I am more than who and what I am here and as such having solidified and compounded the acceptance of myself as inferior and as a threat and thereby having enslaved myself to suppress myself and exist in secrecy, in hiding in my own mind

I forgive myself that I not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that the only way I could keep my true nature, as who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist, hidden and secret, was by creating a make-belief reality and self-definition and to make myself believe that it was real, and through the power of “two or more in my name”, force this make-belief in and onto the physical existence here, as this human physical body, as the world that I have created upon the earth, as my entire sensory perception of what the world is, what nature is, what the universe is, what existence is and what I am here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I within my acceptance of myself in and as and submission to make-belief as pretentiousness, am directly responsible for this entire world existing in and as make-belief in pretending that the world is good, that there is a good and loving god, that nature is beautiful, that the human is inherently good, that the world is in order - and as such am equally responsible for the acceptance, allowance, existence and continuous perpetuation of deliberate abuse and suffering into and as the utmost extreme upon the lives and bodies of billions of life-forms

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the impact of my personal, individual living out of pretentiousness, of creating the make-belief that I am more than who and what I am here, has had on this entire existence – in the delusion that I have created and manifested myself into and as, as polarity, of on the one hand believe that I am entirely insignificant and as such not responsible for the world or any manifestation or creation in or upon the world, and on the other the complete self-infatuation of seeing and perceiving myself as the center of the universe, by engulfing myself and in-capsuling myself in the pursuit of personal happiness and accomplishment, in making my entire living a matter of making myself more than who and what I am here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is physically impossible to make myself more than what I am here, as who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to live and exist – and such, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame, project and hold “life” and “the physical” responsible for my acceptance of myself in and as the make-belief that I am less than who and what I am here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the mathematical equation, as the structural manifestation and creation of myself into and as polarities of lack and filling, of more and less, of inferior and superior, of good and bad – in understanding that it is only within already having accepted and solidified myself into and as the physical as less than who and what I in fact am, that I have created and manifested the drive to become more and as such I realize, see and understand, that I can only stop the drive to attempt to become more in and as a total self-delusion and deception, by facing how and why and as who I have created, manifested and solidified myself as less than who and what I am here, as that is and has always been the starting-point of my drive to become more – this also means, that I initially will have to face myself as that “less than” – as the fact that I have in fact manifested and created myself into and as a lesser creation, that I, in spite of it being delusional and deceptive, have forced into physical manifestation as how I live and exist and breathe here on this earth and in this human physical body, totally unaware of myself as the physical, in complete enslavement to and within and in abdication to the mind as the very manifestation of the superiority as authority of the inferiority as self-separation that I have created and manifested myself into and as

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that it is physically impossible to exist as more or less than what is here – and that because of this, the solution to me stopping living as more or less than what is here, as who I am – lies not within attempting to make myself more or in hiding that I am less – but in understanding, seeing and realizing the authority of my creatorship, with which I have forced a delusion and an illusion into and as the physical reality, as who I am, and that by accepting as real, I have abdicated myself to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to saturate my entire being and beingness as I live and participate in this world and reality, with pretentiousness, from the voice tonalities that I employ to present and perceive myself as sweet and “good-natured” and kind and empathic, to the words I use to present and perceive myself as eloquent, intelligent and in control of myself, to how I move myself in my total participation – to at all times keep the true nature of myself, the reality of who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to live and exist, secret and hidden from myself and from the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create and design manifestations with the purpose of ensuring that who I really am, is kept secret, hidden and unrevealed to the world and to myself as an individual by devising schemes and mechanisms and physical manifestations of deceit – manifested in this world as make-up, photo shopped images that I pretend and present as real, of artificial coloring that I inject into the food, into the plants, into the water, into my skin, so as to create the optical illusion of health, of perfection, of beauty, of medicine I create to keep the reality of myself suppressed and sedated, to create entire networks through advertisement and media that I use to manipulate myself with, to enforce the belief in and acceptance of the delusion, illusion and acceptance of myself as real, in check, of relationship networks and norms, wherein I present a false image of myself in families, and love-lives, and sex-lives and in parenting and in jobs and in political and commercial relations and in my relationship with animals and with the earth – as I have enslaved it to exist at my beg and call, forcing it to bow down to my insistence of deceiving myself into believing that what I have created, is good, is in order, is under control – while in fact I have allowed myself to completely and entirely abdicate my own responsibility as the creator of myself in and as this world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I cannot face and change the acceptance of myself as existing in and as pretentiousness, without facing the entirety of the consequences of my acceptance and allowance as enforcing my insistence on keeping the true nature of myself secret, while existing in a make-belief reality in my mind about who I am and what the world is and is existing as and consisting of

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that I cannot change myself – that I cannot stand up as life as the physical, without facing myself in and as the acceptance, responsibility, creation and consequence of having allowed myself to enforce a make-belief reality of myself onto this here physical earth and onto this here physical human body and as such understand that only by directing myself in absolute self-honesty with open eyes as to seeing, realizing and understanding what I have in fact accepted and allowed myself to create, can I begin the process of changing myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that every time I allow myself to pretend that I am and present myself as something that I am not, every time and in every moment I pretend that I am and present myself as more than who and what I am as what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and manifest and created myself into and as, I allow suffering to continue, I allow abuse to continue, I allow myself to abdicate self-responsibility and to in fact abandon and disregard and spite myself here as life and as such accept myself as less than life – as less than the life I could be, if I allowed myself to face myself in and as self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself within and as the simplicity of understanding, seeing and realizing that the reason why I have created myself into and as pretentiousness, as make-belief – where so as to not face the reality of me and as such I realize that the more I have perpetuated this delusion, deception and make-belief as, I have in fact compounded the reality of myself that I refused to face, in being literally in my own face, yet refusing to see myself and take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only reason why I exist as less than life, why I exist as less than what I could be as Life, as living what is best for all, as living the practical amalgamation of myself as the parts that I have separated myself into and as, as the representation of my experience and acceptance of myself as “lacking”, as “less than” – is because I have deliberately separated myself from myself in and from a single moment that within a snowball of cause and effect compounded consequence and that I will keep facing and walking into and living that consequential outflow until I stop – and face myself – and realize that I am not separate and that I am responsible for enforcing separation into existence through my very self-will and self-direction and authority as creator.

So – my question to myself is: How will I walk from here? How will I live based on this realization of how and why and as whom I have accepted and allowed myself to live in and as pretentiousness?

SELF-CORRECTIVE APPLICATION AND COMMITMENT

I see, that I require to connect the existential and total manifestation of this pattern of make-belief as the acceptance and perpetuation of self-abdication to my practical physical living here and the practical physical process of walking myself out of the mind and into the physical.

Therefore, I must expose and identity all the outflow patterns within which I live pretentiousness and make-belief as that is where the process of unraveling myself as the totality of my acceptance and allowance of myself as pretentiousness and make-belief starts: with myself here. As I have identified, the basic nature of the pattern of and as pretentiousness is self-deception and self-separation.

Thus, the immediate solution to stopping pretending and separating myself from myself is self-honesty, is in every moment directing myself to walk out of the mind and into the physical.

The solution is thus directing myself here in and as breath, directing myself back to breath when and as I see that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the mind, as the very manifestation of the drive of myself as self-deception and pretense.

The solution is brutal self-honesty – which means that I commit myself to give up and let go of all beliefs and definitions and images about who I am, about what the world is – and to within that push myself and will myself and direct myself to see and realize what is here. Because I realize, that if I do not do that, I will compound the urgency of facing myself by creating and manifesting continuous consequences to show myself that I am here and who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and that is simply un necessary, when I do in fact have the tools, the self-support and the ability to face, direct and take responsibility for myself here.

I bring myself back to the basic definition of pretentiousness as the “before” and “stretching” of myself – as a pattern that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and exist within and as. The basic play out of this pattern takes place in my participation in thoughts, in energy and in the subsequent accordance in my physical living application

I see and realize and understand that the unraveling of myself as pretense and make-belief is multi-layered as I virtually – which means in reality – have participated in this pattern in all and every part of my participation in my world and my reality. Therefore I do not expect myself to simply “get rid of” this pattern – but instead realize that as I have written these words and spoken them out loud for myself I have and I am making the commitment to expose, identify, stop and take responsibility for all the ways and all the layers through which this pattern is manifested.

I therefore make the living commitment to be aware of this pattern and this tendency of placing myself in an application and a living before I have walked the required and necessary steps to actually walk myself into completion - and so when and a I see that I am participating in future projections in thoughts and self-talk and in talking out loud and in writing – I stop. And I re-commit myself to the commitment I have made here to stop existing in and as make-belief.

When and as I see, that my participation, my words, thoughts or deeds are based on pretending that I am something that I am not, that I am more than who and what I am here, I stop. I investigate in self-honesty, in self-intimacy what it is of and as me, that I have accepted as less than who and what I could be, as what is best for all, as life in and as the physical – and as such I commit myself to face myself in self-honesty and to stand self-correcting in taking responsibility for who and how and why I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as less than what is best for all life equal and one.

I realize and see and understand that the “stretching” of myself is the manifestation of separating myself from myself here, in and as the physical – that it is engaging in and pre-occupying myself in and with a projection of myself into the future, whether through thoughts or through an energetic drive.

When and as I see, that I am stretching myself in a delusion (as I cannot physically stretch myself into the future) of driving myself into the future, to attempt to become more than who and what I am here, to pretend that I am more than who and what I am here – either through thoughts about the future, be that near or far, or through participating in an energetic drive, where I rush myself and thereby shift myself, my awareness into the future, instead of remaining here – I stop. I stop. I support myself through breathing directively in awareness, in breathing myself here, by slowing down and bringing myself back into the physical, back into the human physical body and the physical environment that I am within.

I realize that in deconstructing myself as the make-belief that I have created, manifested and accepted myself into and as, is not simply about then in fact accepting myself as more than who I am here, as that would be recycling in the exact pattern that I have committed myself to stop. Therefore I realize, I see and I understand that I must face myself and all parts of myself in self-honesty and through self-responsibility change and correct myself – to enable myself to live in a way, and as a being, as a human being, that in fact, live and stand for and as what is best for all life.

So I realize that it is not about replacing my acceptance of myself in and as “moreness” or “lesssness” with a notion of being “good enough” – but by employing the physical, practical application of facing myself in self-honesty, through writing, through speaking and through supporting myself in every moment of every breath to stand, that I am initiating myself to re-create myself as self-awareness, as self-integrity, as self-expression, as self-directedness, as self-respect – not as a compensation, feeling or experience – but as living statement of self-direction of who and what I will accept and allow myself to be and live as, as the absolute embracing of myself in the responsibility of standing in awareness as the creator and thus as the principle that directs and determines what is here as Life.

I thus commit myself to direct myself in a process of living the commitment of not accepting myself as anything less than the absolute perfection of what Life can be and become.

I commit myself to stand and live in humbleness as the direct facing, seeing and embracing myself in self-honesty and self-responsibility.

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Anna
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

Post by Anna »

DAY 3 – Who I Am as The Creator of Resistance
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/04/17/d ... esistance/

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the creation, manifestation and design of resistance, as a systematic implantation that I have inserted into my very beingness, as the gatekeeper through which I keep myself separate from myself, so as to not see, realize or understand myself as creation and creator and so that I don’t walk out of the mind and into the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as resistance as a total encompassing impenetrable fortress of experience that I have created around and within myself, to ensure that I would remain separate, existing as parts excluded from each other, so as to not realize myself as the creation and creator of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I within the creation, manifestation, experience and acceptance of myself in and as resistance, were doing myself a favor, were supporting myself to fight against that which I perceived as a threat, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it was all in reverse - and that which I perceived as a threat, was in fact the key to my freedom: myself as the truth and true nature of who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into seeing, perceiving and defining myself, in, into and as the creation of resistance in complete reverse - as the protection of myself from threats outside, separate from me - when in fact I was protecting myself within perceiving and accepting and experiencing the realization and transcendence of myself as a threat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize resistance to manipulate, deceive and force myself to remain enslaved within and as the confinements of the mind, creating and manifesting and participating in the delusional experience and acceptance that I within the experience of resistance, am protecting myself from being penetrated, infiltrated and invaded by something/someone outside separate from me that I have perceived as a threat to my very existence, not realizing that that something/someone, was in fact myself, as the truth and reality of myself as who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, as the creation and creator of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest and create myself into and as resistance against the systems that I have created to contain myself and as such as resistance towards the oppression of myself instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I as resistance and oppression are two coins of the same creation and manifestation that I have created and manifested with the purpose of enslaving and containing myself and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I could change myself as the system of oppression through resistance

I forgive myself that I have not ever accepted or allowed myself to question the experience, definition and acceptance of resistance that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as, and that Instead deliberately have refused to question the experience of resistance, within the very nature of resistance as exiting in an experience of suppression and retraction in the self-deceptive belief and self-delusion that within accepting myself in and as and giving into resistance, I was protecting myself and supporting myself and caring for myself, to make sure that I stay away from all that I perceived as a threat to my existence

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that how I have defined, accepted, lived and experienced “my existence” in the context of resistance, has been as survival only and I forgive myself that I have not ever accepted and allowed myself to stop up and question the definition that I have created and accepted of “my existence” as survival

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the existence that I have believed and perceived myself to protect fiercely through my participation in and devoted submission to resistance, was the existence of myself as fear and within that the existence of myself as greed, as being completely absorbed by, within and as the fear of losing myself and losing the existence I have perceived myself to have and as such create the notion of survival as a way of justifying and substantiating my existence of myself as fear into and as physical practical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take resistance for granted and to take the experience of and as in and as resistance for granted, in never questioning it or challenging myself to push through the experience of resistance and instead unconditionally accept resistance as a part of myself, in and from which I am protecting myself from that which I perceive to be a threat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my creation, manifestation and participation in, of and as resistance based on and because of it being a “gut feeling” and an emotion – as I have defined myself within and according to emotions and feelings as that of and as myself that I could trust as real and true, simply because “I feel it”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately subdue and suppress and deny myself self-honesty and self-realization in moments where I am faced with resistance and where I deliberately create, manifest and participate within and as an experience of resistance – where I am fully aware that when I allow myself to give into and submit myself to resistance, I am preventing and prohibiting myself from facing and realizing myself in self-honesty, as the truth of and as myself as the creation and creator of and as myself

I forgive myself that I, in moment of facing resistance in and as myself, have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as an automated submission to and a decision to give into and to comply with resistance, based on the acceptance and belief that resistance is in fact protecting me from that which I perceive to be a threat to my survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately and knowingly give into and submit myself to resistance in and as a refusal to face myself, as the truth of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – because I know that if I allow myself to face myself in self-honesty, I have but no choice but to take self-responsibility and to unravel and expose to myself the true nature of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and as such have no choice but to change myself, to let of all that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and as such in giving into resistance, in fact making the choice to remain existing in self-deception, interest of and as ego as fear only in wanting to remain existing as I am, in the fear of losing myself - not realizing that all that I exist as, as I have accepted and allowed myself exist, is the very manifestation and creation of loss and the very insistence of myself as loss and the very deliberate action to create myself into and as loss

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself in and as resistance, to dare to get to know myself as resistance, by investigating and questioning who and what I am as resistance and how I have created myself into and as resistance and how and why I have created resistance as a protection installation into and as the totality of myself, as a fortress in which I believe and perceive myself to have created out of the necessity of keeping perceived threats on my life out, when in fact the entire and total purpose of the fortress of and as resistance that I have created for and as and with myself, is to keep myself enslaved, hidden, constrained and trapped in fear

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to love fear, to cherish fear, to unconditionally submit myself to fear within and because of the experience of safety and security that I created as a self-deceptive justification to remain existing within and as fear and as such, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as a relationship with fear, as separate parts of myself that I have brought together in their separate manifestations, in the purpose of protecting myself as the mind

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit myself to fear, without question, to deliberately inferiorize myself to fear and deliberately create, make, accept and experience fear as more than me, as stronger than me, as wiser than me, as smarter than me – within and as through the very manifestation and creation of fear, as that which I have created to justify my separation of and from myself and the very act of separating myself from myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that fear does not exist, that fear has no substance or ground, as fear is merely the reflection and the continued deliberate creation and acceptance of myself as separate from and of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever make myself forget that I created fear, out of and as the very manifestation and reflection of my self-created separation of and from myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand what the reason why, what I resist, persists, is because I resist is myself as the very creation and creator of and as myself, and what persists is the creation of and as myself that I am the creator of and such cannot escape myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, feel, experience and accept that I can trust myself as fear and as the manifestation of fear as the experience and creation of myself in and as resistance because I trusted the decision to separate myself from myself to protect myself and such I remain existing in that trust of my decision as creator and creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in and as the separation of and from myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in and as the creation of myself as resistance and fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest resistance into and as this here human physical body and in and as the manifestation and creation of the mind as the very manifestation of myself as resistance towards facing myself as who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist, to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself by creating, manifesting and trusting resistance as physical experiences of “gut feeling” in my stomach with and through which I signal to myself that I am facing a point of threat and that I thorough experiencing the gut feeling, am telling myself to not go there – to run, to hide, to remove myself from the point I am facing and so not face or see or realize or understand or change myself as that point and instead remain as I am, as I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, as the very suppression of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that when I experience a “gut feeling” as I have defined the experience of fear in the solar plexus of the human physical body, I must remove myself from the point that I perceive as threat within which I believe that the feeling in the solar plexus of the human physical body, is telling me to remove myself so that I can protect myself from the threat that I have perceived to be on my very existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, experience, believe and accept the gut feeling in the solar plexus of the human physical body, as the truth of me, as intuition, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I am experiencing is not the truth of me, but the very manifestation of the refusal to face myself in and as the decision to separate myself from myself as the refusal to return to myself as the totality of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and such take responsibility for and as myself as the creator and creation of and as myself, to in fact change myself by stopping and letting go of who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into and as creating and manifesting resistance to facing and changing myself, by manifesting the resistance into and as the human physical body as experiences of tiredness, drowsiness, headache, itching, anger, irritation and pain – through which I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the compliance and submission of myself to resistance by deceiving myself into and as believing that what I am experiencing are mere physical and random experiences, that specifically requires me to remove myself from the moment of facing myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into and as creating and manifesting an experience of relief and release of physical discomfort, when I comply with resistance and submit myself to resistance and not push through or question the manifestation or experience of resistance and as such justify for myself that I through complying with resistance, are in fact protecting and caring for myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that only by pushing through the experience of resistance, will the experience of resistance stop and that I within pushing through resistance, will see, realize and understand that resistance, however substantiated and dense I have experienced it physically, was not real, but an energetic installation and manifestation of self-deception as deliberate suppression to not face myself here – in and as self-honesty, in and as self-responsibility as the creation and the creator of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that within pushing through resistance, I am giving myself the gift of myself as realizing myself as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and as such giving me back to me and in that re-claim from myself as the delusion that I have bewildered myself into and as in deliberate abdication of and from myself here, as the creation and the creator of myself as all there is, the authority to face me, to direct me, to take responsibility for me and in that the authority to change myself from and as who and what I have created myself into and as and accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as – to amalgamating and bringing back to myself, all parts of and as me, that I have separated myself into and as, till and as wholeness of and as me, as all life that is here, equal and one

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself as resistance and to be grateful for myself as resistance, as the manifestation of resistance represent clear benchmarks as to what I require walking through to bring myself back to myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that every time I allow myself to give into resistance, I am directly responsible for the creation, acceptance, prolonging and intensification of consequence as suffering and abuse upon the very substance and flesh that is who I am, as this earth and the life-forms manifested and creation in and upon it – that will and do continue, until I bring all parts of and as myself back to myself in and as self-responsibility as the creator of myself, as all that is here as life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the consequences of me accepting myself to give into and go into and submit myself to resistance, is the prolonging of suffering for all life that is here as me, that I have abdicated myself from, into and as, as parts existing in relationships of inequality and abuse, that I by participating in resistance as a refusal to face myself in and as accountability for the creation of what is here, as the creator of and as myself as what is here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that resistance is futile and that by resisting the very creation of myself as the systems that is manifested here on this earth, I am perpetuating war, abuse and suffering by and within separating myself from myself as the creator of – and thus the responsible for – what is here as life

I commit myself to push through resistance and to clearly identify for myself specifically which experiences is indicating resistance, so that I can with ease push through them, in clearly seeing directly and in self-honesty that what I am experiencing is resistance and that by pushing through it, I bring myself back to myself

I commit myself to continue pushing through resistance until I am able and capable of walking through resistance with absolute ease, self-trust and determination and I as such move myself through the final layer of resistance and no more exist in, of or as resistance in any way and thereby see, face, realize, embrace and take responsibility for myself in fullness and wholeness of myself as creation, as the creator of myself as all that is here

I commit myself to pushing myself to push through all points of resistance – to identify in self-honest when and where I experience resistance and to assist myself to consistently walk and push through resistance until no push is required and I simply face myself directly in and as the totality of the creation of and as myself as the creator of myself as all that is here

When and as I see that I am experiencing resistance, through in self-honesty having identified a point of resistance, I push myself in the realization that for every time I push myself, I am standing myself up and that resistance is merely the representation and manifestation of my abdication of, from and as myself and as such understand that I will persist until I have pushed through all and any forms of resistance – as the refusal to face myself here and take self-responsibility for who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

When and as I experience tiredness, that is clearly not physical, because it comes as a rush of sleepiness and specifically manifests as a want, need and desire to close my eyes and drift away – I Stop. When and as I see thoughts emerging as deliberate justifications of the resistance wherein I claim to myself that tiredness is physical and a physical need to rest, I stop. I breathe. I do whatever it takes to move myself out of the experience of tiredness, yet without replacing the one experience of resistance with giving to another – and so, I continue with what I was doing, when the experience of resistance emerged, as I realize that the resistance indicates a point as an opportunity to transcend a point of separation and as such realize myself and amalgamate a part of myself that I have separated myself into and as

As such – I commit myself to welcome and embrace resistance as a point of direct and undeniable self-support that I through witnessing before myself here – have enabled and are enabling myself to walk through until it is done.

For extended perspectives on the creation of resistance - and the releasing and facing of self as resistance, please read Creation's blog here.

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Anna
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Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

Post by Anna »

DAY 4 – Letting go of Control Issues
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/04/18/d ... ol-issues/

I began looking at the point of letting go of control issues as the layer I am facing some weeks ago. It started with seeing how I would control myself and my partner in our home and how I could see other women in new formations of relationships, where the women attempts to bring herself to an equilibrium with the male through exerting power as a male, yet ending up in a sort of double female nightmare position and role, where she can’t stand herself (lol – I wrote here-self) and he can’t stand her either. So that was where it started. I had to look into it because it was obviously not best for anyone that I was allowing myself to access control as a way of apparently taking responsibility and equilibrating myself. Needless to say it did not have the desired effect either of making my reality more predictable and “in order” – because the more I tried to control, the more scared I became of losing my perceived control. The same was evident in other parts of my reality, where I, within the rule of not being allowed to make mistakes, tormented myself when I did make mistakes, upped the stakes on making mistakes because I was extremely nervous towards making mistakes all the time and even tormenting others when they made mistakes. I had become exactly the kind of woman that I had always despised. The physical body no doubt has suffered for it – because I have a constant experience of extreme pressure and tenseness in my entire body, but primarily in my shoulders and in my legs. I have had that for several years and have come to experience it as normal.

My question to myself is the following: how do I let go of control issues? Who am I as "control"? What will happen and who will I be when I let go of control issues?

I am walking this point in parts because it has many dimensions to it.

This is starting over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and experience fear towards renewing myself without knowing exactly beforehand, what will happen, who I will become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and as experience fear towards emptiness and nothingness and darkness of and as myself here, undefined, not controlling myself or my world or my reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely upon mental control through thoughts and a design of a personal “intuition” through emotions and feelings, which I have steered myself through and according to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the direct mental control that I have exerted upon myself and upon this reality, assisted me in seeing “ahead”, as seeing possible outcomes, consequences and dangers that I could then direct myself to avoid, to negotiate with, to manipulate so as to control the outcome of my actions to what I wanted them to be – and in that not see or realize, that what I was “seeing” with and through was in fact fear and as such that I was not seeing at all, but in fact walking in blindness believing I had “seen the light”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to boast myself within and as the mind through thoughts and relationships of and as ego, in the belief and perception that I was in control of myself, my reality and the outcome of my actions, when in fact I was in no way self-directed and in fact I was the one that was controlled to live and exist in fear as limitation and restriction that I placed upon and within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely upon seeing myself, the world and others through a strategic and calibrating mechanism and program of calculating outcomes vs. risk and desires

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as fear towards opening this point up for and within myself, as well as in public – in fearing, believing and experiencing, that if I do not control myself, if I do not exert control on my reality, if I do not at all times calibrate the outcome of my actions according to the desired effect and possible risks, that I am completely and entirely lost and blinded and unable to move

Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that what I am facing is a layer of the extent to which I have completely trusted and obeyed preprogramming as “who I am” and how I have controlled myself to always only act and move myself according to the direction of thoughts, emotions and feelings, never actually moving myself here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the resistance I am experiencing as emptiness and as a “wall” of nothingness in which I perceive and believe myself unable to move, is in fact and merely me facing myself here and giving myself the opportunity to start over and to let go of the delusion of being in control of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as sadness and sorrow as an experience of having lost myself – and within that, have accepted and allowed myself to experience that what I have “lost” is real, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that if I can lose something, then it was not real to begin with and as such, I am grateful for the opportunity and the support I have been given to face myself within and as this point, so that I can in fact let go of the delusion of myself as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as, and instead allow myself to start here – anew.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as an experience of feeling physically sick and uncomfortable within facing myself here as emptiness, as nothingness, as darkness without any plan or prediction of who I will be or how I will control myself, my world, my reality or the outcome of my actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mourn the loss of myself, as who and what and how I believed myself to be – instead of embracing myself in gratefulness of the opportunity to face myself here, in self-honesty and to allow myself to let go and start anew here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am not in what I have perceived as control of myself, through calibrating outcomes vs. risks and desires, then I have no ability of moving myself or directing myself effectively and thus am unable to avoid that which I have perceived and believed to be a threat to my very existence – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have allowed and accepted myself to exist in a total utter self-delusion where that which I perceived as a threat was in fact myself and that which I could free and realize myself through, within and as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am unable and incapable of moving myself without controlling myself, my world and the outcome of my actions through calibrating and calculating possible outcomes and desired outcomes in and through thoughts, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I within this, never have had control – as I had completely and totally abdicated myself to the mind, as the very manifestation of separation into and as self-deception and delusion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself superior in my mind, by believing that I had the ability to control myself, my world and the outcome of my actions through calibrating and calculating possible outcomes through and within thoughts – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I was existing within and as the very manifestation of that which I feared and attempted to avoid – the truth of myself in and as self-abdication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could control the outcome of my actions through participating within and as and subjecting myself obediently to thought processes of calibration and calculations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a delusion of superiority in believing that I could control everything and everyone – not realizing that as I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate complete self-responsibility, I have exited as subjected to the mind, to mental processes and programming, to the past and to the physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that creating myself as who and what and how I want to be seen by others and through their seeing, believing that I could become that which I desired to see myself as, was a matter of effectively controlling myself, my world and others enough so that the truth of me would never get out and that I would never lose control of who and what and how I wanted to be and to be seen

I forgive myself that I, within perceiving and believing that I had control over myself, have created the delusion of myself as a god that is able to direct and manipulate reality as he pleases and as such dilute myself into and as a total mind-possession in which I have had absolutely no direction of or as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in letting go of control, I must control the way I write myself out of control instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I cannot control myself to let go of control and that letting go of control is a physical, directive and practical living application – wherein I stop participation in thoughts, emotions and feelings as the calibrating, calculating and intuitive control that I have perceived myself to have over myself – in realizing that only by understanding myself here, in the totality of who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist – can I begin directing myself authoritatively – and that it is only through remaining here, within the one breath here, directing myself that I can in fact direct myself to let go of control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I could gain control of others and if I could ensure the outcome of the actions of others, I could control myself and who and what I am, through the reflection of myself in others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must control others and not allow any point of mistakes to be made and that I as such prove myself worthy to those that I have projected my self-authority and self-direction onto as someone that is effectively directing their world and their reality, not realizing that it was all fake – that I, in and as it, had to fall – that I in that bubble that I had created around and within myself, had to burst, for me to emerge as truth of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within an as an experience of fear as “I don’t know how to walk through this point” – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I am facing as myself, is the very manifestation of the existence of me in the delusion of control and that only by directing myself here, in self-trust can I walk effectively through, as and within this point – because as I write about letting go of control, I cannot use control to write – as I would usually do, in planning and seeing how I will write the point out to create a specific outcome and effect – when in fact, there is no other point than me here, facing myself – letting go of control issues and as such establishing myself here in and as self-directive application that is not based on energy or conditional desires or fears of certain outcomes

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that which I perceive, see and experience in fear as having gone blind and that I am in darkness, is in fact the beginning of the end of the delusion that I can see within and as and through the mind’s eye/I, only – and such by letting that view-point go, I allow myself to start seeing here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only way I have had control as I perceived it, was in the delusion of my own mind and in the re-enforcement of control that I placed upon and onto the physical

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see and understand that I have never in fact been in control of myself, of my world, of reality, of existence, of this here physical body, of nature, of the physical or of the mind

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that what I perceived to be control, was in fact the continuous and deliberate separation of and form myself here in and as the deliberate abdication of myself here as life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to let go of control issues because and within justifying that if I were to let go of my control issues, I would not be able to effectively direct myself in my world and my reality – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have not ever directed myself – as all I have existed within and as, where echoes of the past in and as a constant and continuous hiding from myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and assert myself within the belief that when I allowed myself to string and attach one thought to another, that I was in control of myself, my actions and the outcome of my actions – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I was existing within and as a total abdication of myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can control Life, that I can control myself, that I can control the physical, nature, the animal kingdom, the plants, the weather, the atmosphere, the universe, the sun, the moon, this here physical body, through, as and within my mind

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the reason why I fear letting go of control, is not because I would then not be able to direct myself – quite the contrary, but because I would no longer be able to remain as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within and as the shackles of my mind, as the prison, prisoner and guard of myself as self-limitation, fear and separation

I commit myself to walk through the absolute living correction as letting go of all control issues that I have created and manifested as a mechanism of self-imprisonment through fear

I commit myself to find and investigate and take responsibility for all points in which I have attempted to control myself, my world, my reality and other beings, so as to not realize the truth about myself and so to remain existing within and as the limitation and separation of and as the mind, as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – in and as the creation of myself as the fear of losing myself

When and as I see that I am participating within and as myself and within and as my world and reality from a starting-point of control – I stop. I breathe and I direct myself to immediately look at what it is I, in that moment fear losing and fear facing – and as such I direct myself to let go of fear and instead embrace myself here.

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Anna
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

Post by Anna »

DAY 5: Who I am as a Christian
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/04/19/d ... christian/

Here am investigating the label of "being a Christian" and "Christianity" as how it has existed and played a significant role in the world. I have not in any way been brought up as a Christian myself. My mother however was brought up in a quite strict Christian home and the reason the family allegedly became Christians was because they were in past generations partaking too much in card-games and drinking and in that risking to lose their farms in gambling. It was then my great grandmother put a stop to all the “sinning” and they all became devoted and serious Christians. My mother then in her generation, stepped out of the church and brought me up strictly atheist. She would always say “there is more between heaven and earth but I want nothing to do with it.” For her the church had been a oppressor lead by her own mother, that forced her to suppress her self-expression and feel ashamed and guilty. So she opted out. I was christened and had a confirmation as part of the traditional protestant ceremonies, but none of it was done in the spirit of faith of any form.

As I started participating with Desteni and started unraveling the patterns and personalities I have become, I could see how the point of Christianity and being a Christian culturally was permeating me pervasively. Whether I would like it or not – I was a Christian. So when I here in this writing investigate myself as a Christian and as Christianity, it is based on this subconscious participation (meaning where I was not aware of it, but still lived it as it was passed onto me culturally and in the family) as well as the Christianity that I have seen playing out within and between human beings on earth – seeing it as myself and investigating how I have allowed myself to become a Christian. So I am walking this point for all, from here as myself. This is thus in no way meant to slander Christians or Christianity, but to expose the true nature and purpose of Christianity and to discover how Christianity can be redefined in way so that it can be lived and applied as what is Best for All. If any reactions come up, I suggest to investigate those for oneself as they provide a clue to the lies that we have told ourselves to not have to face the true nature of who and what we have become. What is cool about walking the point of Christianity from this perspective, is that I in fact have little personal experience with it – although for the points of judgment I do have, I will too forgive myself. But otherwise I will look at Christianity as it exists in general and as such might be able to see points that those who have had a more close relationship with Christianity might not immediately see, exactly as they might see points I do not see and as such we bring back all the “missing pieces” of how we have created and designed ourselves into and as that institution and relationship that is Christianity and the personality accompanying as “being a Christian.” – So this is merely a layer of Christianity. All the layers must be opened up; exposed and purified until all aspects of Christianity and being a Christian stands within the living application of what is best for all Life. I invite all to partake in this Journey of Life to discover the construct and label that is Christianity and being a Christian.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the cross is not a symbol of unity or holy sacrifice, but that it is a symbol of violence, separation and conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place all my faith and hope for humanity in the resurrection of Jesus Christ

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Jesus speaks to me in my mind, instead of seeing, realizing and understand that the only one that exists in my mind is me and that I have created the character of Jesus in separation of and from myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in an afterlife consisting of hell and heaven, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that hell is here on earth and that earth could be a living heaven for all, if I dedicate myself to do all and everything possible to ensure that what is best for all life become the living principle within which I live and to stop all preoccupation with hoping for a better life in the after life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going to hell and to hope that I will go to heaven, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that hell is already here on earth and that the heaven I hope to go to when I die, is not real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the bible as a holy book and to believe that if I follow all the rules and doctrines and words as they are stated in the bible, that I will go to heaven

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place blind faith and trust in the bible and that what is written in the bible is in fact the word of god instead of questioning for myself whether the words of the bible are standing for what is best for all life or not and such decide for myself if I will live those words or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a Christian in the belief that I have chosen Christ and the faith in god and the church on my own volition and in my own free will, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have been programmed and brain-washed to place all worth, value, faith and trust outside myself, within seeing that that was what my parents did and as such to please them and to ensure my own survival, I submitted myself unconditionally to the belief in god, Christ, the church and the bible without ever asking or questioning this for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I simply within defining myself as a Christian, are saved from the consequences as suffering, abuse and inequality that is manifested here on this earth, by god as a reward for my blind obedience and in that never question how such a god could allow such atrocities to exist in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Jesus died for my sins and that I am inherently a sinner – yet at the same time believe that I am created in the image and likeness of god and such not allow myself to see the direct contradictions and flaws that are evident in the Christian doctrine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in and blindly trust in the righteousness of god to punish humanity for sinning, when in fact, sin could not exist without god creating the possibility for sinning in the first place and such that god is the creator of sin and thus responsible for sin and thus punishing humanity as his own creation for what he has created

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the wrath of god and to fear being sent to hell and forever burn in the flames separated forever more from god – instead of seeing, realizing and understand that this physical world as this earth, is already burning in flames and will exist as a hell until I stand up and take self-responsibility, realizing that I am the creator that I have separated myself from, into and as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and design the concept of “god” and “god” as the ruler of the kingdom of earth, heaven and hell – deliberately so as to justify my own separation from and of myself and so as to justify my own abdication of and from myself as the creator and so to project myself as good and evil onto an after-life that I must create blind faith to believe in, because I cannot go there without dying and such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap and enslave myself to live and exist in a life of anticipation, waiting, hoping and fearing for the after-life, not living here in any way what so ever because I believed that the after-life was the real life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify why I have a life with comforts, money, resources and earthly pleasures, by making-up the belief that I am blessed by god and such explain to myself in my own mind why it is righteous and acceptable that I have while others do not have, in the belief that I am special, chosen by god, a good Christian and as such that those who do not have what I have must be bad and that it is therefore fair and just that they are suffering

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and a polarity relationship between being good and being bad, believing myself to be inherently a sinner and thereby justify for myself when I commit a “sin” that I could not help myself because I was “born that way” and within that create an experience of guilt and shame that I believe that through punishing myself before god, I have redeemed myself and hope that god will therefore have mercy with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the devil for my “sins” and as such justify why I have allowed myself to “sin” and as such allow myself to continuing “sinning” by making the excuse that I am “weak” and that I cannot take responsibility for myself, because what I do and who I am is the responsibility of “god” or “the devil”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project the responsibility for my actions onto two points of polarity as “good” and “evil” outside separate from me, as “the devil” and “god” and within and through that have justified the total and complete abdication of self-responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that god is almighty and good and that if evil exists then it is the fault of the human that has allowed itself to be seduced by “the devil”, instead of seeing that this makes no sense, as god would always hold the primary responsibility for what is created

I forgive myself that I, within creating the concept of god to justify my separation from and of myself, have created the concept of “free will” and a such abdicated all self-responsibility for myself as the creator, by making-up the story that god in his goodness gave humanity free will to test their faith in him

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that “original sin” can only be created by god and as such that only god can be responsible for the creation of “original sin” and within that I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I have created both the concept of god and the concept of “original sin” to separate myself from myself there as the creator of what is here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the concept of “free will” cannot exist together with the concept of the punishment of god as the punishment of god indicates conditioning and consequence while free will stands within the concept of no consequence. As such, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest myself within the definition Christianity as existing in the tension field between “free will” and conditioning, not ever seeing, realizing or understanding how I have trapped myself and deceived myself to be able to live without taking self-responsibility for myself as the creator of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that every story told in Christianity, tells the truth of what really happened and who and why and how we are here on earth, and within that never allow or dare myself to question or to find out for myself whether this is so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that god has created life to test his creation to determine who is worthy of living with him in heaven and to immediately wish and hope and want and desire to be the one that gets to live with god in heaven, never questioning why god would create existence as separate, why god would create the human as not good enough and as having to prove itself worthy to god, instead of simply creating a reality and an existence where all is perfect and there is no separation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe and trust in Christianity and in myself as a Christian out of fear, that if I don’t, I will go to hell and burn forever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that god could see everything I was doing and thinking and feeling and as such fear the punishment, wrath and judgment of god, yet at the same time experience and accept myself completely submitted to god and such accept myself as complete free of responsibility and consequence, within the belief that all is in the hands of god

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything something good happens to me – especially when it comes to money – that I am blessed by god and such more than those who do not have money, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I only have money because I am born into a system, where I have been conditioned and programmed to have, while other do not have and that this system is the manifestation and consequence of my own separation of and from myself that I have justified through creating the construct, entity and belief in god as a creator outside separate from me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the construct of god, to deliberately separate myself from myself as the creator

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the construct of polarity as heaven and hell as outside separate from me, specifically in the construct of the afterlife where I have no access and such separated myself from the responsibility and consequence of what I have accepted and allowed my creation to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that I, within the definition of myself as “a Christian” am a “good person” without ever questioning or considering what that would practically mean or entail – and how I have been existing in and as a polarity relationship in my mind with that I have judged as “bad” believing that if I practiced and believed enough in Christianity and in Christ and in god I could be or become good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people believing in Christ, Christianity and god are good people and that people not believing in Christ, Christianity and god and the bible are bad people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I question my faith, belief and self-definition as “a Christian” that I will be bad, instead of realizing and seeing that “good” and “bad” are two sides of the same polarity that exists co-dependently and thus cannot exist without one another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in sin

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a sinner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believed that I have sinned when I allowed myself to deliberately abuse and cheat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in sin in and as a moral polarity relationship to sanctity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a saint

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be a saint

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define saints as good and positive and sinners as bad and negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity relationship to, towards the words saint and sinner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a polarity relationship between the words saint and sinner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my actions is what determines whether I will be accepted as life or not – and thereby interpret and understand “being accepted as life” as separate from me and as based on a Christian belief of redemption and tiding

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify suffering, abuse and war in the name of god

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize or understand that within the very justification of creating war in the name of god, I have contradicted my belief that god is all-loving and all-mighty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the suffering and abuse of children in the name of god

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately instill the fear of god in my children, to ensure that they would remain on what I believed to be “the righteous path” which in fact was nothing more than my own fear of god – hiding my own fear of facing myself as creator

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and trust that everything that it says in the bible is true, because my parents told me so, because I trust my parents to speak the truth and to know everything there is to know about the world

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider, that my parents have been brainwashed exactly as I have been brainwashed to without question, accept the bible as the truth, within fearing that were I to question the bible, god, jesus and the church, I would have to question this entire reality and why and how it exists and I would be faced with myself as creator, in the realization that everything and all that is here, is my creation and responsibility and that there is nothing or no one “behind” this world or existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, experience, define, accept and judge myself as superior within the label of being “a Christian” comparing myself to those that are not labeled or labeling themselves as “Christians” as inferior and less than me, judging them to be “heretics” and me to be “a child of god” and such believe that I have more right to exist, to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create churches as places of worship using the money of poor people to create a shrine to worship god, when in fact god does not exist, except for as the manifestation of the justification of my separation of myself as creator

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, hope, trust in the goodness of god and to believe that god will come or that god will send Jesus and that the nightmare and hell that is life on earth as it exists, will as if by divine intervention be uplifted and everyone will live happily ever after

Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed to question or investigate this belief or how I have created it within and as myself or what the consequences are of me waiting for god or Jesus to come and save me and humanity, while I do nothing but pray, go to church and live to survive and be “a good Christian”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that only god can forgive me and within accepting that as true, have abdicated all self-responsibility for myself here and thus disabled myself to not be able to change or correct myself, because I within this am submitted and subjected to that which I perceive to be god

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize or understand that “wicked ways”, “sinning” or “the devil” cannot exist without god’s direct creation, approval of and acceptance of these as real, because if god was not responsible he would not be almighty and then he would not be god

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that in order for me to be forgiven by god, I must repent, pay and feel guilty instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not the way to take responsibility for what one have accepted and allowed and that any god that would demand this of his children, should not be trusted as we according to the belief, are created in his image and likeness

Luke 17:3-4

“Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that if I simply confess my sins and repent that I will be forgiven by god and within this not realize that I as such have justified the continuation of sinning, that I have allowed myself to continue sinning as long as I repent, confess and feel bad – and such that I have created this application of Christianity to justify acting in ways that are harmful, abusive, deceptive and not best for all

Matthew 6:12

“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, hope, have faith in and trust that if I forgive my debtors, my debt will be forgotten – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the practical manifestation of this point in the lives of human beings, is that those who make profit of others, are allowed by all to do so and that everyone is existing in debt because of it and in the peril and fear of not surviving that comes with it, thus enslaved to the debtors whom we believed we must forgive so as to stand favorable with god in the here-after

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as in debt to god for having given me life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, accept and trust that I cannot and am not allowed to forgive myself in submitting myself to the belief that, that would be blasphemy against god, acting as if I am more than god, when in fact only god can forgive – instead of seeing, realizing and understand the flaw and lack of common sense in this belief, that god is the one that has created me as I exist and such it is in fact me who should forgive god for having created a flawed creation if the belief where to be real

Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the reason why I have not given myself the permission to forgive myself, is because I have separated Myself from myself as the creator and that I within self-forgiveness, stand up as the creator of and as myself and as such stop the separation of and as myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that within taking self-responsibility for myself as creator of what is here, I give myself the gift of self-forgiveness, of giving myself back to myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that in forgiving myself, as in giving myself back to myself, I am standing up as creator and as such taking self-responsibility for myself as creation and thereby enabling myself to change what is here as hell on earth to heaven on earth, because I have given myself back the authority and direction over creation as the manifestation of myself as creator

Ephesians 5:1-33

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. ..."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the flesh of the human body, the animals, nature is inherently “bad”, “dirty”, “filthy”, “evil” and “dangerous” and within that have rejected and suppressed all things related to nature and the physical, in the belief that “the devil” had his grip in the physical and as such I feared that were I took allow myself to embrace the physical, sexually or otherwise, that I would fall out of God’s grace and as such be condemned

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disgusted, rejecting, punishing and separating myself from myself as a physical human female, within the belief that I am responsible for the original sin and the fall of man – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding why the aversion, perversion and taboo regarding nature, the female, the physical and sex has been created and impulsed by the propagators of Christianity, as myself to ensure that I remained enslaved to and as the delusion of myself as separate from myself as life here, equal and one

I forgive myself that I have not ever accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that Christianity in its entirety have been created, with my direct and indirect permission, hand and approval, to deceive myself, as all of humanity, into waiting for something that never comes, into accepting a life of survival, war, abuse and suffering in the belief that if only “turn the other cheek” and prove myself worthy, that god WILL come – instead seeing, realizing and understanding that I have based my hope and my belief, on the fear that I am all there is, that we as human beings are alone here, that we are self-responsible for what is here, that no one is going to come and save us and that we have to sort ourselves out practically, physically, in self-honesty – taking self-responsibility for what is here as our own creation

Re-definition of “Good” and “Bad” as I have participated in and lived these words as an example of a Christian Polarity and how a word can be unraveled and purified to stand for what is best for all.

Current allocation:

God and Bad are moral convictions, that as a compass tells me whether I have acted morally correct or morally incorrect. When I have done good, I am good. When I have done bad, I am bad. Thus, good and bad defines me as a moral being. Good and bad is what determines how I will be judged and weighed by “god” and thus determines whether I will go to hell or to heaven.

Dictionary Definition:

good

n adjective (better, best)

1 to be desired or approved of; pleasing. Ø(good for) beneficial to. Øexpressing good wishes on meeting: good morning.

2 having the required qualities; of a high standard. Ø(often good at) skilled at doing or dealing with a specified thing. Øappropriate. Ø(of language) with correct grammar and pronunciation. Østrictly adhering to the principles of a religion or cause: a good Catholic girl.

3 morally right; virtuous. Ø(of a child) obedient; well behaved.

4 enjoyable or satisfying: a good time. Ø(of clothes) smart and formal.

5 thorough: a good look around. Øat least; no less than: a good twenty years.



Etymology:

O.E. god (with a long "o") "virtuous; desirable; valid; considerable," probably originally "having the right or desirable quality," from P.Gmc. *gothaz (cf. O.N. goðr, Du. goed, O.H.G. guot, Ger. gut, Goth. goþs), originally "fit, adequate, belonging together," from PIE root *ghedh- "to unite, be associated, suitable" (cf. O.C.S. godu "pleasing time," Rus. godnyi "fit, suitable," O.E. gædrian "to gather, to take up together"). As an expression of satisfaction, from early 15c.; of children, "well-behaved," by 1690s.

Bad

Dictionary Definition:

n adjective (worse, worst)

1 of poor quality or a low standard. Ø(often bad at) not able to do a particular thing well. Øinappropriate.

2 unwelcome or unpleasant. Øsevere or serious. Ø(bad for) harmful to.

3 offending moral standards or accepted conventions.

4 injured, ill, or diseased.

5 (of food) decayed.

6 guilty; ashamed.

Etymology:

c.1200, "inferior in quality;" early 13c., "wicked, evil, vicious," a mystery word with no apparent relatives in other languages.* Possibly from O.E. derogatory term bæddel and its dim. bædling "effeminate man, hermaphrodite, pederast," probably related to bædan "to defile." A rare word before 1400, and evil was more common in this sense until c.1700. Meaning "uncomfortable, sorry" is 1839, Amer.Eng. colloquial.

Sound:

GOOD:

GOOD – as a sounding of calling for god

GUT – conscience

GO-IT

GOT – having

BAD:

BAD – sounds like a sheep

BAD – in Danish it means “prayed”

BANNED – outcast/rejected/excluded

BAIT

Redefinition: Good and Bad.

Realizations:

It is interesting to see that the definitions I have held of ”good” and ”bad” primarily has been the never definitions that specifically pertain to guilt and morality as being well or misbehaved, whereas the original words are more specifically descriptive, such as ”bad”: defile (making something sacred dirty)

So one of the original definitions of good is “unite” and “suitable” whereas bad is specifically defined not in opposition to good but as something entirely different, in “defiling”. So if “good” is a sounding as calling for god and “bad” is the defiling of something sacred, there are the secret mind definitions, of whatever I have through the self-religion I have created and participated in, as “good” and “bad”. As can be seen in the definitions of “bad”, it also pertains to human characteristics, which fits with how I have defined “doing bad” as “being bad” – and thus taken the act of acting badly personally, emotionally and not seen the practical context of the words. I also see a definition immanent in the definitions about where “good” pertains to “godly” and where “bad” pertains to earthly, which can also be seen in how I have defined sex and bodily fluids as “bad.”

My conclusion is that how I have defined “good” and “bad” is based on morality, a morality that I have integrated into and as myself based on Christianity and self-religion according to my personal experiences of “doing bad” and “doing good”. Another interesting definition, is how “bad” in Danish means “Prayed” and how “good” sounds like calling for god, and then at the same time there is the word “banned” in “bad” as well. This indicates a point of separation where I perceive myself as already bad, yet in a position of attempting to become good (stop sinning, be redeemed and forgiven by good). Thus, good is acting in “god’s will” and “bad” is acting against “god’s will” but here “god” is partly the entire moral system that I have integrated into and as me, as well as the mind in itself and fear. Another point that is then seen in how I acted out this pattern is how I believed I could redeem bad behavior by being good. I also did not in that moment take my partner’s experience into consideration – all that existed was my fear of being bad, which actually originated from me exerting anger in judging my partner as having done something bad. So all in all, I was entirely enslaved to my idea and submission to “good” and “bad” in and as a religious relationship with/towards “god” in which there was no common sense consideration of practicality. And through the guilt I have created when having done something bad, I have sent myself into a time loop of emotional experiences and in fact abdicated self-responsibility within placing the point of “god” and “bad” in a relationship to something/someone as a “higher force” outside separate from me, instead of applying the corrective action to the practical point I see in self-honesty in and through and as which I have allowed myself to stand unaligned with what is best for all.

Re-definition:

Good is when a point is functioning optimally and does not require immediate alignment as it stands for/within what is best for all

Bad is when a point is not functioning optimally and thus requires immediate alignment to what is best for all

When and as I see that I have accepted/defined/judged/experienced myself as “good” or “bad” within and as a positive/negative polarity relationship in separation of and from myself in a relationship with a “god point” as morality and fear in and as my mind – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to consider the practicality of the situation/point I am standing before in seeing how I can effectively correct/change/align myself in and as my application to what is best for all.

I do not accept any form of morality or moral considerations that is not based on what is best for all.

Good and bad as polarity does not define me. When I have acted unaligned with what is best for all, I stand self-responsible for/as/within correcting and aligning myself to what is best for all.

I commit myself to investigate all aspects of Christianity and the belief in god and Jesus and to get to know exactly how I have created myself as Christianity and as the definition of myself as “a Christian”

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for the creation of and as myself as Christianity

I commit myself to in all ways see, realize, understand and live the practical correction within the realization that we as human beings are alone here, that we are self-responsible for what is here, that no one is going to come and save us and that we have to sort ourselves out practically, physically, in self-honesty – taking self-responsibility for what is here as our own creation

I commit myself to walk a process of living the words of Jesus Christ of “loving thy neighbor as thyself” and of “treating another as you would want to be treated” until all my actions, all my participation is aligned to these principles – the only principles of Christianity that is valid, because they stand aligned with what is best for all

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Anna
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

Post by Anna »

DAY 6: The Phoenix Rising from the Ashes
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/04/20/d ... the-ashes/

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to rise as a phoenix from the ashes, in allowing myself to let go of the past and start anew burning through and with and in and as self-forgiveness what was before, so as to allow myself to emerge anew

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and fear that the symbol of the phoenix rising from the ashes is "too big" for me to apply myself within and align myself to, in oneness and equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will see me aligning myself to the phoenix rising from the ashes and judge me for being pretentious in using such a symbol - instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have projected my own self-judgment of myself outside myself in separating myself from my own self-judgment and from accepting myself as less than the symbol of the phoenix rising from the ashes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a relationship with the symbol of the phoenix rising from the ashes in polarity of seeing and accepting myself as less than the phoenix and the phoenix as more than me and within defining myself as a phoenix rising from the ashes, have defined myself as more than myself - instead of simply accepting and allowing myself to embrace the symbol of the phoenix rising from the ashes - removing all definitions of polarity and positive/negative energetic charges and as such align myself here, one and equal to the symbol of the phoenix rising from the ashes and as such align the symbol of the phoenix rising from the ashes to what is best for all, in and as a living practical application of self-purification and rebirth of self here as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret and understand the phoenix rising from the ashes as a noble and romantic symbol of rebirth, instead of embracing the symbol as a practical and living application of renewing myself through letting go of the past, so as to allow myself to emerge as new

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking into the flames and alighting myself in flames, through, as and within self-forgiveness in purifying myself and letting go of the past, so as to allow the new to emerge

I forgive myself, that I, within resisting, refusing, hesitating and fearing to walk myself into and as the flames of burning away the old, have accepted and allowed myself to remain and exist as a shadow and as an echo, because it is not physically possible to live and exist in the past and thereby by insisting to hold on to myself in and as the past, having allowed myself to separate myself from myself here in and as the physical

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that to let go of the past, requires that I walk into the flames and burn away the old completely and totally so as to allow myself to emerge as new from the ashes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist, refuse and not allow myself to let go of the past, symbolized by and within the phoenix creating its nest from where it lights itself on fire to burn the old and allow the new to emerge from the fire and the ashes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to renew myself within and through self-forgiveness and practical application of living change and to within that have accepted and allowed myself to remain existing in and as the old, as a shadow, as a ghost, not actually living or breathing here, because I have remained and held myself preoccupied with and within the past in my mind as thoughts about what could have been, what should have been, what should not have been instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can only move myself here, through letting go of the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist building the nest of my fire of rebirth as writing and bringing here the relevant words for me to face and forgive, within fearing and anticipating pain and suffering in the actual burning of myself as the past through self-forgiveness and thus within that, have accepted and allowed myself to justify not changing myself, not re-birthing myself, not renewing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not changing myself, not embracing the complete and total letting go of the past as what was so as to renew myself, through, by and within fear of getting burned – which is fear of facing myself in self-honesty as who, what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and fear of the actual change within letting go and not knowing who or what I will become or emerge as

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I cannot avoid or escape the pain and suffering as the manifested consequence that I have accumulated and required for myself to walk through as the flames through which I must purify myself to start anew – and that by holding onto the past and myself within it, I am in fact allowing myself to remain in suffering and pain and abuse, instead of simply once and for all walk through the flames and allow myself to burn myself down to the ground as all and everything I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as – so that I can stand myself up anew

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and refuse changing myself by and within holding onto the past, through participating in memories and automated patterns based on memories and past experiences and to within that hold myself enslaved to and within a one-dimensional reality in my mind of and as a delusion about who and what I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can redeem the past by holding onto it, instead of allowing myself to realize and walk through – that what is done, is done and I am here and that I can only walk from here, change myself here, correct myself here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that for me to re-birth myself I must light myself on fire as the letting go of the past through burning away what was and that this will and cannot happen by itself, without me in fact directing myself to change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, as I walk through the day, when I am allowing and have allowed myself to participate here, within walking in and as the past, through directly accessing memories or through walking based on a self-acceptance, definitions and expectancy to myself and the world based on the past – and to within that moment, direct myself to let go of and release myself from the past

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push myself in every moment to let go of and release myself from and as the past and to realize that the past will not go away or disappear or be released unless I directly stop participating in and from the past and bring myself here in, into and as the physical and in through self-forgiveness allow myself to face myself in self-honesty, face the manifested consequences of and as myself as the past, through which I must walk to release and let go of myself as the past

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the very manifestation of fear is to not let go of the past and to believe and accept that without holding onto the past, and myself in and as the past, I cannot exist – instead of seeing, realizing and understand that it is directly the reverse, that within allowing myself to hold onto the past as fear of losing myself, I am in fact missing myself here and now allowing myself to live

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that for me to let go of the past, I must bring the past here and face myself in and as all points of the past, so that I can directively through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application burn the past to the ground and from there emerge from the ashes anew

“Understand that the mind is used to program responses into the physical that then is accepted as the personality called self. First one removes these programs to get to the point where you were born originally and then only allow that which is best to become integrated in the body.” – Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that I cannot renew myself, without facing and releasing myself from the old, as a purifying fire set alight by my very being as I move through the layers and patterns formed in and by the past to release myself from the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and accept that if I do not hold onto the past, as my memories about myself and the definitions I have made of myself because of it and the memories of past hurts through which I specifically have designed patterns to avoid experiencing by suppressing myself, and through emotional and energetic relationships with words, people, sounds, smells, forms, tastes – I will lose myself, I will not exist – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I am existing as in this here moment, because I have conditioned myself to and as the past only, is the past – not living here, not existing in any way whatsoever than in and through the past, as a shadow, an echo

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse and resist to let go of the past as all that I have accumulated myself into and as, as experiences, memories, personalities, relationships, patterns and stories – within fearing that if I allow myself to let go of the past, I will not know who to be, how to live in such a way that I can avoid danger as I perceive it as and within fear of not surviving in believing , accepting and experiencing that who and what I have become, is effective surviving – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have created, formed and designed my entire existence upon the fear of losing myself, not ever stopping up and seeing that I am here, that I was never separate and that I created a separation of myself and from myself through the abdication of myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and accept that the only way I can effectively direct myself in the future to gain life and avoid death, is by calculating myself, my relationships, my world, what I see according to memories and past experiences instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I within living through the past, am re-creating the past over and over and never actually living or participating here and as such existing as death from the moment I was born, in the certainty that I will die, yet in the refusal to accept death and to take responsibility for how I have created and manifested myself into and as death only, never actually living here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, accept, define and experience myself only as an accumulation of memories, of knowledge, of sensory experiences that I have logged within my mind as a map that I guide myself through – but never to live, always and only to ensure that I survive, that I avoid that which I have perceived as dangers to my life – to ensure that I do not lose myself – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have lived my entire existence within the acceptance of myself as lost through separating myself from myself here, into and as a mental delusion from which I have believed that I could regain myself, if I held onto myself, and never allowed myself to realize that it was within letting go of myself as fear, in letting go of myself as the past that I have held onto – that I could bring myself back here and realize that I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on memories of past experiences, thoughts, emotions and feelings to guide myself through my participation in the world and never have allowed myself to stop up and ask myself what I am doing and if what I am doing is an effective way of living that is in fact best for all

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the opportunity to rise from the ashes of the delusions that have been burned through self-honesty and self-realization and specifically through the support of others in assisting me to walk through the point of the manifested consequence that I had created for myself in not facing myself in self-honesty, so that I could face myself as the delusion that I had accepted and allowed myself to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the fire of burning the delusion of and as myself, personally and fearing it, as the ego fears the confrontation with the brutal truth of self as what self has accepted and allowed self to be and become – and such not allowed myself to embrace the point of fire or falling – as an opportunity to rebirth myself through the purification of the fire as myself in walking through the manifested consequence of my acceptances and allowances in self-honesty – and to take responsibility for who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and as such walk myself into the fire of purification so that I may rebirth myself here as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to walk through the fire of purification as the self-realization, self-honesty and self-forgiveness in letting go and releasing the past and through self-responsibility stand up anew, in giving myself the gift of rebirthing myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to directly and indirectly participate in, create and accept hell on earth, through my refusal to walk into the fire of self-purification and the death of myself as ego, as the relationships I have created to, with and towards the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate and confirm for myself that all I am is ego as the accumulation of all past fears into and as a single point as a personality through which I have found an “effective” way of surviving that I now believe to be life – through refusing to create the fire, through writing and absolute self-purification in every moment – that I can burn myself in the flames of self-forgiveness and self-honesty to stand up anew and rebirth myself in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience, believe and accept myself to be incapable of releasing myself from the past and renewing myself, instead of seeing ,realizing and understanding that releasing the past and renewing myself is a self-honest, self-directed, common sense practical application in every moment, that I through consistency slowly but surely place myself into and as and as such change myself moment by moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto and for having automated this holding-on-to an image/definition/experience/memory and acceptance of myself as “bad” and “evil” and “not good enough” contrasted in polarity to an equal image/definition/experience/memory and acceptance of myself as “superior”, “good” and “benevolent” and as such define myself and condition myself to only accept myself as one of these polarity definitions, instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that I am all and everything and that who I am, within these polarity definitions is the creation, design and manifestation of polarity in itself – as I have designed to generate energy through friction so as to keep myself locked-into and as the mind – in fear that if I allowed myself to stop and let go of the mind, I would no longer exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use all my resources, focus and energy on holding onto myself as the past in order to “Live”, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that only by letting go of myself as the past, as manifested into and as ego as a single personality-entity that I have defined myself according to and as, can actually begin Living here – because I am simply here, not existing dependent upon or defined through relationships with and in the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate within and as an experience of frustration in experiencing that I am not effectively letting go of the past, that there is something I am missing in my self-realizations as I write out this point, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that frustration can only exist in and of the past – as all that is not in the past, is Here, as a living, physical direct manifestation with no residue of definitions according to relationships of the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately hold onto myself in and as the past – in a belief and an acceptance that if I don’t, I will not be able to calculate and calibrate my actions according to my desired and feared outcome effectively – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have not in any way directed myself effectively within and as living in and as the past – as all I have existed as was memories and reactions upon and towards the past

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that only I can let go of the past as myself – and that when I don’t, I accept and allow myself to accept the unacceptable as the system of abuse and separation that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – in and as greed as fear of losing myself as manifested into and as the money-system as it currently exist based on debt

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in debt as guilt and revenge towards the past, in and as a relationship with my memories that I have held onto deliberately to keep me reminded of the fears of the past that I have accepted and allowed myself to in every moment, define and control me – believing that I cannot survive without this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist, fear and believe that I will be burned and in pain if or when I walk into the fire of self-purification through self-forgiveness and brutal self-honest self-realization and as such justify why I have not accepted or allowed myself to direct myself to walk into the fire

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist, fear and believe the burning of myself as self-purification and within that allowing myself to let go of the past and allow the past to return as ashes to the earth - within fearing that I will then have lost myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understand that all I have let go of, is the delusion of myself in and as the past, the conditioning and constraint and enslavement of and as myself into and as the past and such understand and realize that I can in fact only give life to myself and myself as life, by allowing myself to burn the past in a process of self-purification, wherein and through I, as the ashes, return to the earth to rebirth myself as life anew

The question I am asking myself is: how do I renew myself? How do I walk into the fire as the manifested consequences of my total accumulation of the past, of what I have accepted and allowed – so as to burn the past and purify myself through the flames of self-honesty and self-forgiveness into and as the self-corrective application of living change through standing up from the ashes?

I commit myself, to as I live and breathe here, to identify and investigate all parts and points from and in which I am allowing myself to live, see, breathe through and as the past only and to as such stop – forgive and release myself from the past, and in that walking directly to the self-corrective application of living the change of stopping myself as living in, by and through the past

I commit myself to create for myself the fire upon which I will burn myself as the past as ego, as memories through a process of purification in writing, where every writing I place and direct and every word I write to purify myself as the past, is the practical formation of the fire that I will burn myself through – without fear – walking straight into the fire of purification as self-forgiveness and brutal self-honesty

I commit myself to walk the living change and application of the realization that all that is not simply me here participating directly in and as the physical reality here, then I am participating in, as and from my mind - and as such from a starting-point of self-delusion and enslavement - and as such when and as I see and realize that I am participating in a point/experience that is not physical - I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here.

I commit myself to walk into and through the fire of self-purification in and as self-forgiveness and brutal self-honesty and to allow myself to let go of the past as myself, as ego, as memories in allowing myself as the past to burn and once again return to the ashes of the earth that I am one and equal with here

I commit myself to rise from the ashes of my fire of self-purification and to stand up anew and to apply for, as and within myself this process of self-purification as self-rebirth until I have purified all memories, the past in and as its totality and I stand here as a completely new being birthed from the fire of my self-purification

I commit myself to let go of the past – to let go of all definitions, images, ideals, beliefs, ideas, feelings, emotions, reactions, memories, knowledge, experiences that I have defined and confined myself within and through – one by one practically here in my daily participation as I see and realize each pattern and each layer of myself as the past as who and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and such release myself from the past as myself – in facing myself and in taking self-responsibility for who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

I commit myself to dare myself to walk into the fire of self-purification and to support myself in doing so, by building the fire for myself through writing and seeing myself here in self-honesty

I commit myself to live as a phoenix through and within which I specifically and directively rebirth myself through the fire of purification that is self-forgiveness and self-honesty and to through from the ashes, walk myself into and as self-correction as the living change


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Anna
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

Post by Anna »

DAY 7: Waking up in the Morning
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2012/04/21/d ... e-morning/

For quite a while I have effectively disciplined myself to sleep five hours or less. The next point I saw required direction was the point of not allowing myself to manipulate myself into continue sleeping, but to simply get up, no matter when I wake up and go to sleep when I am tired. What I am directing here, is the experience of waking up in the morning, because I can see how I have allowed myself to access a "mood" upon waking up and from there determine my entire day according to this mood, in abdicating myself here and allowing myself to be directed by the mind. The image that I have used to accompany this post is cool, because it shows a child simply being here in and as the physical, no thoughts, no past, no shit carried through from the day before. That is what I am here to direct myself to live equally.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to wake up in the morning and bring myself back here to the physical in and as breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as I wake up in the morning, to immediately attach myself to and go into a state of mind as a mood, in reaction to thoughts and such in self-manipulation and as such sabotage and deny myself the opportunity of waking up here, in and as the physical

I forgive myself that I, within allowing myself to immediately go into and access a mood through reacting emotionally to a thought, have accepted and allowed myself to determine the outcome of my day, where I will remain in this “mood” until I stop and move myself out, instead of simply immediately as I wake up – not allow myself to react to the thoughts coming up, but to instead firmly and consistently stop, delete and direct the thoughts and through breath bring myself here in and as the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for dreaming and for participating in dreams as I have defined dreams as indicative of an over-active mind and as such that the more I dream, the more I show myself that I am accepting myself as the mind – instead of seeing realizing and understanding that I within judging myself, have allowed myself to interpret and understand the mind and dreaming from a starting-point of ego, in and as believing that the mind is bad, that dreaming is bad and that I am a lesser human being because I dream and because I exist in and as the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as anger towards myself when I wake up and realize that I have been dreaming extensively within seeing dreaming as a failure to stop the mind and as a sign that I am over-active in the mind and as such not effectively stopping the mind – instead of simply looking in commonsense self-honesty at how and why I have created the point of dreaming extensively as it is definitely indicative of a mind-process – but to not allow myself to judge myself or to see dreaming as something bad – because I realize that all that is here must be faced as myself and purified as such by me taking responsibility for myself – not by pretending to be something or someone that I am not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate and deceive myself into becoming possessed and walking through out my day from a starting-point of accepting myself to become possessed upon the moment of waking up, in seeing the thoughts emerge and react to them through allowing myself to judge the thoughts and to experience the thoughts as a real and valid indicator of who and what I am – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am in that moment, allowing myself to separate myself from myself here in and as the physical and as such allowing myself to generate energy for the mind to feed of off so that I can continue existing as and within the mind, as a limited closed loop of thoughts, emotions and feelings

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to embrace myself in the moment of waking up, in and as allowing myself to breathe here and breathe myself here in and as silence and in and as embracing myself here as the physical

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to direct myself to rest as sleep and to wake myself up in the morning and instead having allowed myself to be directed, defined, determined and confined within and as moving myself only according to the mind as thoughts, emotions, feelings and back chat

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be grateful for the opportunity to wake up in the morning and that I have accepted and allowed myself to take waking up for granted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be pre-occupied within and as interest of ego, in how I have seen myself and my reality upon waking up, instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that there are literally billions of beings that wake up each day of their entire life, in fear for their life, in physical agony, on the streets, in the cold, who wake up to yet another day without food or shelter or protection - and as such, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as abuse and in and as acceptance of abuse and suffering of others, by allowing myself to preoccupy myself in the mind - only caring about and considering myself here as ego and personality, instead of simply embracing myself here in and as the physical and moving myself to participate in my day, in such a way that I do whatever is possible to bring about a world that is best for all life - where all wake up warm, soft, safe and comfortable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider and care about my own personal and self-create and self-accepted "state of being" in allowing myself to exist within and as the mind, separating myself from myself here in as the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, accept and experience that the thoughts that emerge are showing me what is real and valid and who I am – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the thoughts are showing me who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, and live as – and that I as such have an opportunity to, in that moment decide who and what I will accept and allow myself to be instead of merely giving in to the thoughts, reacting to the thoughts by accessing and activating an emotional reaction of depression, regret, sadness, anger, frustration and self-judgment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see and understand that if I do not direct myself immediately upon waking up in directing myself here as breath – I am not here and such I will submit myself to the mind, to let the mind direct me and determine who I am and what I will do in my day and who I will be and how I will experience myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up and to experience myself as “a pile of shit” carried through from yesterday and the points I did not effectively walk yesterday – or ever – and such wake up within and as creating an experience of myself as a burden, as a failure, as “not good enough” – instead of allowing myself to let the waking up be a process of gently moving myself here as breath in allowing myself to stand anew

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for waking up and participating in thoughts and such accumulate the point of participating in the mind, instead of simply directing myself here, gently, firmly in commonsense self-honesty as to who and what I will accept and allow myself to be and become

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to “clean the slate” before I go to sleep and thus upon waking up, being faced with the shit that I did not direct effectively the day before in the delusional and deceptive belief that “sleeping on it” will somehow make the shit go away – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that no shit will go away, unless and until I specifically direct the shit as myself here in self-honesty and in unconditional self-support allow myself to face myself and simply immediately move myself to self-correction and change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to let go of the tasks from the day before that I simply could not practically do and as such start each day – and in fact each moment – anew in simply looking at in practicality at what is required to be done and then simply moving myself physically to get it done

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself in self-support and self-love and self-care in the moment upon waking up and that I instead have accepted and allowed myself to create an automated experience of depression, of feeling haunted by the past and of judging myself for dreaming and for having allowed myself to participate in and as the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse – and as such manipulate myself through participating in and following thoughts – and indeed creating thoughts to sabotage myself through, to accept and allow myself to not get up immediately upon waking up based on the belief that because I sleep 5 hours or less, I am entitled to be tired and to keep sleeping when in fact, the waking up of myself is a physical practical point of simply bringing myself here, ready to start my day and that supporting myself to sleep less and to not be attached to ideas and beliefs about sleeping requirements, assists and supports me to walk myself out of the mind and into the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in a state of inner conflict, of inner fighting, of inner back chat and self-judgment in the acceptance that who I judge myself to be, is who and what I am, instead of simply allowing myself to see in commonsense self-honesty where and as who I require aligning myself to what is best for all and then simply applying the direct self-corrective action to make it so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my entire day be determined by how I wake up and experience myself, through as and within self-judgment, believing that I must redeem the mistakes I did yesterday and in general, haunting myself with the past, instead of simply embracing myself here anew and allowing myself to start over

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to utilize waking up in the morning as a point of confirming my commitment to myself to walk out of the mind and into the physical and to support myself to embrace myself here unconditionally in brutal gentleness as self-honesty

I commit myself to, when waking up in the morning, direct myself here as breath – to breath, to simply breathe and allow myself to be here, in and as the physical

I commit myself to, when I wake up in the morning to immediately direct the thoughts that emerge, to stop and delete them, to not participate and that when and as I see that I am reacting to the thoughts, to immediately forgive myself to release myself and allow myself to start anew

I commit myself to embrace myself in and as unconditional self-support as I wake up in the morning and to allow myself to direct myself to determine my day by, within and as consistent and unconditional self-support

I commit myself to stop all reactions and self-judgments in not accepting or allowing myself to let my entire day be directed by and determined by reactions and self-judgment

I commit myself to stop all mind-possession and manipulation and self-deception through my direct participation in and through the mind and thus immediately direct myself here

I commit myself to wake up here instead of waking up in blaming myself for the past, in holding onto the past and instead simply and gently bring myself here

I commit myself to wake up in and as support of myself as the physical body, in feeling and moving myself here, instead of moving myself through and as the mind only in placing myself in a relationship between the past and the future

I commit myself to wake up in the morning in walking a process of only accepting myself as that which is best for all, in physically moving myself here in accordance with the physical reality

I commit myself to supporting myself through allowing myself to direct myself effectively upon the first breath in waking up, so as to confirm my commitment to myself to live what is best for all

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christine
Posts: 920
Joined: 17 Jun 2011, 19:03

Re: Anna's Journey to Life

Post by christine »

Hi Anna, I see that my post came after your phoenix rising blog, whereas I had been responding to your first day - inferiority -
Have been following your blogs - thanks

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