Anna's Journey to Life

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Anna
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

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Changing our Brainwashed Value-System to Principled Living: DAY 239
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2013/09/23/c ... g-day-239/

Principled LivingIn this post I will be prescribing self-corrective and self-commitment statements on the point of valuing things that aren’t actually valuable and that in fact are detrimental and destructive. I see that the pattern is still existent within me; I see its subtleties and how it is so ingrown that it’s not going to be changed from one moment to the next. Of course one can correct points within a moment, however the point of valuing that, which isn’t valuable in fact, is basically a fundamental problem in reality in general. So we’re dealing with virtually all aspects of our lives, virtually every moment we live and breathe. So there are many values to correct and I see that the best way is to walk the correction of them one by one as I see them emerge in my reality.

The last couple of weeks I’ve been working with the point of value, specifically in relation to valuing things that aren’t actually valuable, in the sense that I’ve for example found that I valued doing things that weren’t supportive for me or my physical body. Something quite interesting that has happened within this process is that, as I’ve started opening up the point for myself, it has only gotten ‘worse’ – meaning that I’ve increasingly been giving value to that which isn’t best for me. Practically speaking, I’m talking about seemingly ‘little’ moments during my day, where I prioritize based on self-interest rather than principle. It could be eating something that I know my body cannot handle. And as I’ve mentioned previously, I’ve found it difficult to understand why we would do something like that. Well, it boils down to some quite simple yet intricate pattern that one develops through one’s life. In my case, I come from a family where my mother did exactly the same. Throughout my life, she’s been a ‘quarterly’ alcoholic in the sense that she’s been battling an addiction to alcohol as long as I can remember. But she wouldn’t drink every day all year round. Instead she would have these binges and then pick herself up again and get strict and disciplined for some time, until she would fall into the pattern again and have some weeks drinking every day. So from that perspective, I’ve carried this pattern through with me, perhaps genetically and definitely from an environmentally influencing perspective. I see how this is a prominent point in my process and in my daily living, because it something from within which I generate a lot of inner conflict and thus generate energy for the mind. This is obviously the purpose of such patterns in the first place. So what I have realized is that this point has to do with making the decision to live principled. For some people this might not be a big deal or issue – though at the same time, very few people live principled and even if they think and believe they do, it’s often based on self-control and suppression with the possible consequence of one exploding and bursting one day because one cannot contain oneself any longer.

So principled living is something that I have never ever done in my life. The only place I’ve ever met principled living, is within the Desteni group. And while I’ve definitely established a somewhat principled life, there are also still points where ‘preference’ ‘wins’ over principle. Something else that I’ve realized is that even though writing about this point from an overall general perspective is cool, what is actually required is for me to get into the nitty gritty of how I prioritize, how I pick preference over principles and what specifics points in my life it is where I tend to ‘fall’ into this pattern. Something fascinating as well is that as I’ve been walking this point these past weeks, and I’ve seen it getting worse or more intense, I’ve also allowed myself to take it personally, to react to it and specifically to feel like I’m a bad person because of it. But now that I sit down and write, I can see in common sense, that it is in fact specific points that I’ve allowed myself to compromise, whereas with other points, I’ve in fact lived principled. On the other hand, I also see how, if we allow even one point of self-corruption, it actually corrupts our entire process and standing within ourselves. And this is obviously also what I’ve reacted to.
SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS

When and as I see that I am about to accept and allow myself to act on an energetic urge to eat something that I know isn’t best for me, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back here. I remind myself that I am about to act based on a preprogrammed, brainwashed belief and preference and valuing of something that I’ve conditioned myself into valuing as tasting good – that isn’t actually what is best for me, as I’ve now built an understanding of what in fact IS best for myself as my physical body. I also remind myself that it isn’t worth it because I know that the consequence is that I will feel like shit afterwards and as such by acting on this urge, I’m valuing myself as the mind over life. So therefore – I commit myself to from this moment stop eating refined sugar. I commit myself to walk with myself a process to live principled in every moment and to, in every moment that I see that I don’t live principled, to gently guide myself back with a caring and directive hand.

When and as I see that I’m accepting and allowing myself to place value on something that I know isn’t best for me and so not best for all, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to my physical body in stability. I commit myself to work with correcting the point immediately, through simply realigning my actions to that which is best for all and I commit myself to, when I see that I’m still holding on to this point of value, to investigate the point in self-honesty through writing and self-forgiveness, so that I can effectively de-program myself and re-program myself to valuing that which is best for me and so best for all. Because I realize that when I’m holding on to a point of value that I know isn’t best for all, it is because I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become brainwashed and programmed to live and exist in a way that is flawed and ineffective and as such I require re-educating myself and re-programming myself so that I can make a directive decision to realign myself effectively to that which is best for me and so best for all.

Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course

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Anna
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

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Animals as Examples of Unconditional Compassion: DAY 240
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2013/10/01/a ... n-day-240/

Over the last couple of years, I’ve build up a specific experience in relation to animals. It has recently ‘peaked’ in intensity and so I’ve decided to now walk the point in writing so that I can direct it within myself in self-responsibility and as such stop the reactions that I’ve allowed to build within me. The experience is simplistically reacting towards animals being abused. However it has throughout time built to the extend where I experience the most intense reactions to seeing animals that are presented in a positive light, for example on Facebook or in the news seeing stories about two species of animals bonding or an animal saving another animal from death or similar stories. I don’t have a positive reaction to these stories, even though I do understand that they’re supposed to be ‘feel good’ stories.

Now – I would also like to say that from a common sense perspective it certainly is deceptive to present such stories of ‘hope’ as though “there’s good in the universe after all” – because that certainly doesn’t help the animals that are brutally abused by humans every day. However I also see how I’ve been reacting within a distinct negative experience towards seeing these images and hearing these stories. So basically what I feel within me when I see such images is immense sadness, sorrow, apathy, anger and desperation. I feel sick inside myself and I often avoid reading the stories or even looking at the pictures because of how intense the experience is. Because every time I see such ‘feel good’ pictures, it reminds me of the extreme and brutal abuse by humans towards animals. And it’s like these positive stories are making it even worse, because I see the interconnectedness in how they actually only serve to postpone the point of stopping the abuse.

It also reminds me how innocent and vulnerable animals is, how they represent life in a way we as humans never have and it thus reminds me of the extremity of the brutality that is the foundation of the relationship we’ve created towards animals; the entitlement do reign over life and death, the ignorance, the sadism, the self-deception. All of this is what I’m reminded of when I see such images. But it is fascinating that it’s the ‘positive’ stories that make me react the most. One of the points I definitely see that I react to is the way I’ve perceived people sighing in relief when they see and hear ‘positive’ stories about animals, because it’s like it makes all the bad stuff happening seem less bad and that there’s hope, a sense of restored hope for the human race when someone is nice to an animal. Something similar happens when I see people walking their dogs. It’s gotten to the extent where I have to literally turn my head away to prevent myself from reacting when perceiving the dog walker as yanking their dog on the leash.

And then the other day, after I had decided that I would walk this point in writing, I listened to an interview from Eqafe by the Gorillas. One of the points that is mentioned in that the only reason why people would vehemently ‘feel for’ the gorillas and simultaneously be angry at those who abuse them, is actually because we feel guilt, because we KNOW that somehow, somewhere in our lives we’re doing exactly the same. And then today I listened to a different interview on Eqafe, from the Death Research series about a woman who had drowned. And in this interview she talked about the relationship she had with her body throughout her life and how she had never considered her body as a living being. Well for me, the point that I see is also that I’ve treated my physical body the same way that I see animals are treated on earth in general.

So to investigate this point structurally for myself, I’ll start at the reaction, which is towards seeing a ‘positive’ story about animals in the news or on Facebook. When I read these stories I experience sadness and grief. I in fact, react negatively to these stories that are created specifically for people to have a positive experience. One point that I see that I hadn’t considered before is how there’s a part of me that wants to delve into the ‘message of hope’ but then I don’t allow myself and in turn I create friction, because this is a form of suppression. I’ve had similar experiences when people do something selfless for others for example, where I also react with feeling angry and sad, because I know how this story is just a drop in the ocean compared to the extensive abuse carried out by humans towards life.
SELF-FORGIVENESS

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in and generate a negative emotional reaction when I see ‘positive’ stories in the news or on Facebook about animals where animals are being compassionate towards other animals or where humans have saved animals

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in and generate anger towards the humans that post ‘positive’ stories about animals on Facebook, because I think that they’re being delusional and self-deceptive in generating ‘hope’ believing that there’s ‘good in the universe’ or that ‘humanity is good after all’ and as such contribute to the continuation of humans relationship with animals and life in general of abuse and exploitation

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to secretively want to participate in the hope and positive experiences towards animals being compassionate and wanting it to be real and wanting to have a positive experience myself and because I judge this as wrong and bad, I suppress it and thus project it onto others in blame as separating myself from the fact that I’ve got a desire to participate in hope and positive experiences

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to view animal/human compassion from a starting-point of negativity and positivity instead of looking at the actual practical expression that I see within the interaction and the potential therein

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react negatively to my perception of people sharing ‘positive’ stories about animals from a starting-point of ‘hoping’ that ‘there’s still good in the world’ – instead of simply looking at what I’m seeing from a practical perspective

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to see that something is cool, even if the context in which it exists isn’t cool

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the compassion that I see within animals, is a potential that exists within all of us and thus within me to and that potential doesn’t have to mean hope, but can in fact be a point of direction, instead of being something that makes us sit back and do nothing (as hope)

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not bring the point of compassion back to myself – compassion as unconditionally caring for another living being – and investigate where/how I’m not living compassion as myself and where/how I can expand myself to live compassion as myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to shun and suppress the compassion that I see in animals because of the shame pain and sorrow that I’ve experienced towards how we as humans are treating them instead of actually honoring the animals and humans that are living compassion and let them be an example for me as how I want to live and express myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see animals as victims and slaves and ‘innocent creatures’ only instead of seeing them as beings existing equally on this earth, who actually can stand as examples of what it means to live unconditional compassion, even in the most wretched conditions – and if they can do that, so can I

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in an escalating negative experience towards people sharing 'positive' stories about animals on Facebook, because I judge them for doing so from a starting-point of 'hope' and thus self-deception instead of seeing and realizing that if I understand and stand equal to the context in which such stories are shared, then I don't judge it, because I understand that hope is yet another mind-program programmed into us as humans to prevent us from standing up as life as that would be the end of the mind's 'reign' of ourselves as life -- and as such, the fact that I judge it, indicates that I've not yet sorted out my own issues with hope

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to admit that I've allowed hope to exist within me and because I judged hope as bad within myself, I suppressed it, instead of simply looking practically at hope as a self-deceptive mechanism and program of the mind - nothing more, nothing less
SELF-CORRECTIVE AND COMMITMENT STATEMENTS

When and as I see that I’m reacting within going into a negative experience towards seeing ‘positive’ stories about animals being compassionate, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back here. Because I realize that the story in itself isn’t positive or negative, it’s simply a practical example of something that exists on earth. And I realize that I’ve been reacting negatively because I’ve been focusing on why/how the pictures are being shared by the people that share them, thus merely going into the opposite polarity of negativity instead of positivity – which is essentially exactly the same, instead of simply looking at the pictures practically and within a context of seeing these animals as examples of the potential of what is possible to live. So therefore I commit myself to stop participating in the polarity game and I commit myself to instead look at the stories in practicality and common sense. And I commit myself to let animals who express unconditional compassion be an example for me, for how I too can live compassion. I commit myself to investigate compassion for myself, how I’ve defined it, how I’ve lived it and not lived it and accordingly redefine compassion practically for myself into and as a living expression of myself here.

Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course
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Anna
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

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How Making a Decision to See things Differently Can Change Everything: DAY 241
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2013/10/08/m ... 241/#&rr=0

The last couple of weeks I’ve been working with time management because my schedule recently has changed and I’ve now got more responsibilities. Within this I’ve experienced increased stress and I would come home from work and feel extremely tired and for weeks I couldn’t do anything else than relax with TV series or going to bed early. Now one day last week I had enough and I decided to work with changing how I approach time and scheduling. I realized that I had been feeling sorry for myself because I now work fulltime and have other responsibilities when I come home. Within this I also considered how working full time is something most people do, with many even having two or three jobs or having to care for children when they come home. So in the grand scheme of things I am certainly not ’special’ because I have to work full time and work when I come home as well – it is in fact quite normal and compared to many other people I have an easy life. But I felt that I was having a very hard time and almost like everyone else should be at my beg and call because I was now in this ’special’ situation.

But then I considered how this is the first time in my life that I have worked full time with a lot of responsibilities along with other responsibilities in my life. I have indeed had an easy life, because for most of it, I’ve been a student and I’ve been able to flexibly manage my own hours. For several years of my life, I’ve been able to pretty much do as I pleased and now I’m simply in the (sinking) boat of survival with everyone else. But this also explained why I was so tired and exhausted. I was doing something that I had never done before. And so it might not be tough compared to the situation that most people are faced with, but compared to my own previous situation, it is tough. So here I was at this realization, I saw how I had pitied myself and made my experience even worse.

Then I decided to change my experience of myself in relation to work. Because even when I was at work I was constantly stressed and I couldn’t wait to get off work and go home. So I was creating these two separate worlds; the world of responsibility and obligation vs. the world of relaxation and avoiding responsibility, both world’s making me equally stressed but in different ways. Then I decided to change how I see and approach my work, not as some horrible obligation that is extracting the life out of me, but as a professional and personal challenge, as something where I can actually contribute, as something that is part of my life and that has value, even if it is 'just' a job wherein the primary reason for working is survival. So since I decided to change my experience and how I approach my work – and it has merely been making that decision – my experience within my work has changed rather drastically already.

First of all, I no longer feel as tired when I come home. In fact, I don’t even feel exhausted at all – simply a little tired and aching. Secondly I’m enjoying my work a lot more, I’m ironically a lot more relaxed in my work. The practical situation is still the same – meaning I still have a lot to do; I still have the same responsibilities. But I’ve been able to look at them differently and as such change how I experience myself within it.

Today I then had a ‘break through’ in my communication with a child, where the entire nature of the conversation changed from the ‘normal’ trivial conversation to an actual deep conversation about things that matter. I was talking to a third grader about theater and he was explaining to me how he uses the physical body as a tool when he does theater. One of the tasks of the lesson was to write a story from the perspective of the tools one use. The boy said he had found it difficult to write a story from the perspective of the body. This led to a lengthy conversation about the human body and ‘whom’ we are within/as the body, why it is we can’t feel our heart or the blood circulating in our bodies. We talked about whether we are more the body or the mind. This was an awesome conversation that I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been able to have, had I remained in the mindset that I was in previously.

So through all of this, I have learned one thing and that is that whatever I am experiencing, it is my own responsibility and that means that I can change how I experience myself, by simply making a decision to look at things differently, to approach things from a different starting-point. It has amazed me how making a simple decision can change the entire way one sees and experiences something in one’s world. So I suggest for anyone reading this, to try it out for yourself. If there is an area or point in your life that you’re unsatisfied with, don’t simply take for granted that how you experience it, objectively reflects reality. Because what do we know as soon as there are reactions coming up within us? We aren’t looking at the actual practical reality; we’re looking from a filter that we’ve placed inside our own minds. And this means we can change the filter or even remove it and completely change our own experience.

Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course

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Anna
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

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Deconstructing the Idea of Beauty as Empowering for Women: DAY 242
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2013/10/10/d ... n-day-242/

Strong-empowered-womenIn and from this blog post, I am going to dissect and deconstruct the concept of beauty within the context of self-empowerment of women. Because this is something that I’ve seen within my own life and mind having a major impact and influence. I will therefore walk an interconnected process of investigating my own relationship to beauty as empowerment as well as investigating the concept as how it is manifested in the world-system.

The online etymological dictionary defines beauty as follows:

beauty (n.) early 14c., "physical attractiveness," also "goodness, courtesy," from Anglo-French beute, Old French biauté "beauty, seductiveness, beautiful person" (12c., Modern French beauté), earlier beltet, from Vulgar Latin bellitatem (nominative bellitas) "state of being handsome," from Latin bellus "pretty, handsome, charming," in classical Latin used especially of women and children, or ironically or insultingly of men, perhaps from PIE *dw-en-elo-, diminutive of root *deu- "to do, perform, show favor, revere" (see bene-).

Dictionary online defines beauty as follows:

the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, beauty doesn’t have to any practical value. When the whole world is sorted out and we’re living together in harmony on earth with all beings living their full potential, then beauty can be something of enjoyment, enjoying the beauty of music, nature, the human body. But until then, beauty doesn’t have any substantial value. So why do we become so obsessed with it? I understand that it has a lot to do with the dynamics between males and females in the world, where beauty is something that the female is dependent upon to ensure her own survival through being selected by a man who can care for her. Beauty has also been argued is a marker for optimal genetics as a reason why men pick beautiful women: because it ensures the survival of their genes. But this should all be irrelevant in a world where women are able to fend for themselves shouldn’t it? And yet, we’re so caught up in it.

So something I see as distinct specifically in this context of the male/female dynamic is how we as women define and accept ourselves as ‘objects’ as ‘ornamental’ and how this ‘objectification’ is the only place where we have power over our own lives. But then again – there are women who don’t care about beauty, because they don’t define themselves as ‘objects’ where others (the men/society in general) are the ‘subjects/agents’ – but as agents in their own right.

In sociology an agent is a person is a person who acts on his or her own volition independently. Obviously this term is a construct, because it is highly debatable whether we’re even able to act on our own volition independently. But in the context of the discussion of beauty it is applicable to talk about agency vs. objectification – meaning: do you see your own value/yourself as dependent on others valuing you based on certain parameters that are predetermined or do you see your own value/yourself as independent of what anything/anyone else thinks or does?

Obviously not many people can say yes to the latter, because we’re all in one way or another dependent upon a social system of approval to survive in the context of the current system. And beauty is simply one aspect or dimension of this.

But – when I look at my desire to be beautiful, it doesn’t so much have anything consciously to do with what I’ve described above. What I mean is that it might be an underlying reason, but it’s not something that I’m consciously aware of as I walk my daily life. On the contrary – and I see that this is true for many women: when we feel attractive/good-looking, we feel powerful. So it is fascinating that in our abdication of power over ourselves through self-objectification, we find ‘power’ in being ‘the best object’, an ‘attractive object’ – and obviously there’s an entire industry catering to this obsession, meaning all the shops and businesses that in some way has to do with beauty and being attractive.

Ironically, we’ve been trying to empower ourselves through the abdication of power. In this cruel and twisted world, women can even have power over men through objectifying themselves, revealing that it isn’t the men themselves who are in power and control, because they too have fallen prey to obsession with beauty. But at the same time, it is seen as empowering for women, to objectify themselves, to embrace the objectification. It’s like there is this idea and belief that if one effectively objectifies oneself, one will eventually become a ‘subject’ – a real person. Not unlike a Pinocchio happily embracing the strings that makes him dance because of a dream to one day become a real boy.

This is for example why Miley Cyrus, Sasha Grey and other prominent women of todays pop culture have found it empowering to ‘be like a man’ in the sense of deliberately objectifying themselves. We see the same occurring with nearly every teenage girl. It’s an ‘if-you-can’t-beat-them-join-them’ kind of scenario. But I am here to investigate and show and share that there is another way of empowering ourselves.

So what I see is that beauty was merely a specific dimension/strategy within the mind/physical ‘evolution’. It was a way to identify the best genes to ensure survival. And it is practical in the sense that there might not have been any other means of checking if someone has damaged genetics. But then what happened is that the mind took this point and ran with it to further its own agenda, and one of the reasons why it did so was because of the specific conditions that beauty involves, namely the eyesight through which the mind reigns over man, sex (because beauty had been about reproduction), the survival dynamics between men and women, the consumer industry constantly looking for new target groups, the egos of both men and women (to be the one on top). But then also some deeper existential reasons, such as the quest for perfection as well as the existential separation between the male and the female as described in Heaven’s journey to Life. So beauty was given a prominent ‘spot’ in the minds of people because it was a useful tool for the mind to ensure its own agenda of survival.

In the next post I will continue to investigate the concept of beauty in the context of self-empowerment of women using my own experiences as a point of departure.

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paolo
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

Post by paolo »

:? Hi Anna,
I enjoy your writing.
Thank you.
The last sentence...
Of the previous entry...
Seemed to disclude "men".

I feel soo left out.

Paolo.o :|

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Anna
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

Post by Anna »

paolo wrote::? Hi Anna,
I enjoy your writing.
Thank you.
The last sentence...
Of the previous entry...
Seemed to disclude "men".

I feel soo left out.

Paolo.o :|
How do you mean Paolo? Which sentence are you referring to?

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Anna
Posts: 3726
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

Post by Anna »

Understanding Our Obsession with Being Beautiful and Attractive: DAY 243
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2013/10/15/u ... e-day-243/

Desire - To Be BeautifulIn this post I will be continuing with self-forgiveness on how we as women are attempting to empower ourselves through beauty/being attractive that I wrote about in my previous post: Deconstructing the Idea of Beauty as Empowering for Women: DAY 242

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become obsessed with being/becoming ‘beautiful/attractive’ and that I have within this never actually questioned this obsession, but instead have completely immersed myself within it through mental preoccupation in thoughts/emotions/feelings where I constantly think about beauty and being/becoming beautiful, through comparing my perception of my own beauty/lack of beauty with other women, through judging how I perceive my body, through wishing/hoping/fantasizing about looking like the women in TV/magazine/movies, through flirting and interacting with men (and women) from a starting-point of wanting them to see me as beautiful/attractive and through physical preoccupation of spending time, money and resources on ‘beautifying’ myself, for example within constantly looking myself in the mirror/windows, through spending a lot of time trying on clothes and accessories before I leave the house, through putting on make-up and spending an excessive amount of time doing/re-doing my hair, through purchasing all kinds of items and products from hair-products to clothes, gym memberships, diet pills, exercising equipment.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not ever question the attention, focus, priority, time and money that I’ve given to being/becoming beautiful/attractive in context to the practical value of being/becoming beautiful and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not ever question or ask myself what it is I am missing out on/under-prioritizing by being obsessed and preoccupied with beautifying myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to never question the value and priority I’ve given to being/becoming beautiful/attractive and that I’ve taken it for granted as important and valuable without question

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, instead of questioning and investigating the value and priority I’ve given to ‘beautifying’ myself, suppressed my desire to be/become beautiful/attractive and through that have accepted it as a secret/tabooed undercurrent in my life that I am completely immersed within and obsessed with, but without even being aware of this and I also forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I don’t care about being/becoming beautiful/attractive – when the fact of the matter is that I do, which is evident by how much I think/preoccupy myself with ‘beautification’ in various ways throughout my day

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accept and perceive it as ‘natural’ and ‘normal’ to want/need/desire to be/become beautiful/attractive

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use excuses and justifications like: “it’s important to take care of yourself” and “Image is everything” and “beautiful people are more healthy and successful” to justify to myself why beauty is important and should be prioritized

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel, believe and judge myself as being a social pariah and outcast and basically a worthless human being that should be ashamed of myself and hold my head bent in shamed if I don’t fit the bill of what ‘beauty/being attractive’ is presented as in the world system

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize or consider that there are two predominant reasons why I desire/want/need to be beautiful/attractive, namely firstly that I believe that being beautiful/attractive will make me powerful/valuable in the world system, in fact the most basic and important way that I can obtain power/value in the world system and secondly that I’ve generated positive energy from feeling beautiful/attractive and thus powerful and superior and from perceiving others seeing me as beautiful/attractive but also negative energy from worrying about not being beautiful, from judging myself as not being beautiful, from comparing myself to other women – and so generated energy for the mind to sustain itself from my internal conflict, obsessing and seesawing the positive and negative energies constituted by my belief that being/becoming beautiful/attractive will make me powerful thus making it a full circle/time-loop

In the next post I will continue with self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements.

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Anna
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Re: Anna's Journey to Life

Post by Anna »

Drinking the Cool Aid of the Cult of Beauty: DAY 244
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2013/11/04/d ... y-day-244/

Cult of beautyIn this post I am continuing expanding on the point of how beauty plays a role in our lives and ironically engages us in an ugly and vicious cycle of polarity, fear, desire and competition. For those of is trapped in the seductive and cynical ‘embrace’ of the beauty-system, we seldom realize how our desire for beauty isn’t simply something that ‘naturally’ exists in us. Since opening up this point for myself, I’ve started seeing how extensive the brainwashing that brainwash surrounds us wherever we go is. And I see how, to subvert these influences and impulses seducing us into the desire for beauty, we must create a platform of stability, common sense and self-integrity within and as ourselves – where we can be ‘in this world but not of this world’ in the sense that we can see the world for what it is without being pulled into it. The ‘world’ that I am talking about here in relation to beauty is of course the media as the magazines, music videos, movies and advertisements that form a tapestry of energetic impulses that encloses us in the ‘cult of beauty’. And from this ‘world’, when we accept it as real and submit ourselves to it, like religious sheep walking in procession to the ritualistic slaughter, we take it upon ourselves to make sure that our brothers and sisters of humanity equally as one accept it as real and within this we ensure that there aren’t any holes from which we can peek through the veil of our collective delusion and into actual reality.

As discussed in the previous blog-posts, beauty isn’t a real value of life – yet we have given it predominant value in our world-system. Just look at the rise of the fashion industry as a ‘serious business’ and ‘art form’ in recent years. Of course there are a lot of other factors involved within the beauty system and how it exist and how it has come to be, like the genetic factor that some people argue for, where beauty is a sign of ‘health’ or the existential factor that we have discussed in previous blogs and that has been covered amply in Heaven’s Journey to Life blogs. But for me personally it is a conundrum that something so irrelevant has taken up so much relevance in my mind and life. What I see is that at the end of the day it is ‘just’ about energy and within that some twisted idea of conquering and ‘preserving’ and in some absurd way ‘celebrating’ life – as though that is what beauty gives us; a glimpse into what Life is in its purest form, when in fact it couldn’t be further from the truth. As Bernard Poolman so often said: “Everything is in reverse.” And as such beauty shows us nothing but the absolute depletion, separation and the gory illusion that we’ve made life into.

In this post I will be prescribing self-corrective statements on the self-forgiveness statements that I wrote in the previous post so that I can move myself out of the illusory veil of beauty and if you are trapped in and by the same lies, you’re welcome to walk with me.

When and as I participate in my daily life and I am exposed to the beauty system through seeing magazine covers, celebrities in newspapers, advertisement images on billboards, other women and men and when I watch movies and TV-series, I commit myself to be self-honest and commonsensical about what I see and to remind myself that what I’m seeing isn’t real and I commit myself to look beyond the veil of illusion that the beauty system is, both within myself and in the world system. As such, I commit myself to lay a foundation of clarity and stability for myself where I can be in the system but not of it, in terms of giving myself a foundation from where I will no longer automatically be influenced and impulsed by the beauty system and so that I can instead make a decision about what I see in clarity, self-honesty and common sense. I therefore commit myself to no longer simply accept and allow myself to blindly and silently follow the beauty system and allow myself to participate in thoughts and energetic experiences in relation to beauty.

So – when and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to look at women (or men) on images and pictures presented before me within the context of the beauty-system and I see that I am not looking commonsensically, in clarity and self-honestly at them, but instead accept and allow myself to become influenced and affected by what I see, through first of all believing that it is real – that this beauty is real, obtainable and desirable and secondly to desire that which I believe beauty can give me in terms of power, success and positive energetic experiences and thirdly where I create an inner conflict and lack within and as myself through comparing how I see myself to the images that I see of other women (or men) and judge myself as being less than, worth-less, and inferior to what I see --- I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back here, reminding myself of what it is that I am seeing.

When and as I look my reflection in the mirror or in a window and I see that I am reacting, negatively judging myself as ugly or positively judging myself as beautiful – I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back here to the stability of my physical body. I remind myself that the reflection that I am seeing when I react within an energetic experience isn’t a real reflection as who I am as my physical body isn’t negatively or positively charged with a value, because my physical body is simply here as a physical body looking different depending on the circumstances that I am in and the environment that I am in. As such I commit myself to stop accepting the reflection of myself as positive or negative and I commit myself to instead push myself to simply see myself here in and as the physical. I commit myself to let go of the habit of judging myself when I look myself in the mirror, positively or negatively because I realize that I am within that accepting myself as a slave to the beauty system, to an illusion that isn’t real or valuable and I realize that it isn’t worth it. I therefore commit myself to learn how to be in the beauty system but not of it, meaning that I will learn how to participate in the beauty system because it is necessary to be effective in the system to present a certain image, but without allowing and accepting it to influence or define who I am or how I value myself.

I will continue in the next post.

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Anna
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Post by Anna »

What is So Wrong with Being Ugly? DAY 245
http://annabrixthomsen.com/2013/11/09/w ... y-day-245/

What's wrong with being uglyYesterday there was an article in the daily mail exposing a now closed Facebook group where mothers were bullying and making fun of other people’s ugly babies. This made me consider how ‘ugliness’ as a dichotomy of ‘beauty’ is considered ‘wrong’. When people fall into the category – one way or another – of being ugly, they are often targeted and blamed as though it is their own fault that they don’t fall under the label of being ‘beautiful’.

It is quite absurd that we don’t consider how our physical bodies are simply genetically different and as such there will be some people born with different kinds and types of body, not to mention the people who in one way or another endure disfigurements later in life. In the end these are simply biological and physiological differences that in no way define the person or who they are.

Consider for example teenagers who have been completely normal looking as children who suddenly develop acne and overnight become pariahs in society or people born with red hair, who has a limp or a cleft lip. They’re completely ‘normal’ in any and all ways except for this one and yet their peers ostracize them as though they’ve done something wrong or are contagious in some way or another. It is astounding how even very small ‘abnormalities’ makes us pariahs of society – or at the very least: in the minds of our fellow men.

So what is it about being ugly that is so horrifying that we feel the need to despise and ostracize one another?

When something or someone in our world ‘sticks out’ it shows us that the world isn’t perfect or pretty or beautiful. And we don’t like to hear or see that. It is the same with homeless people that are shunned as being ‘stinking’ or condemned as ‘parasites’. They pose as threat in the pretty pictures that people would prefer seeing as they go about their daily errands in the cities of the world.

What we don’t want to face is the ugliness that this world as become. So instead we come up with all kinds of excuses and justifications to blame the things and the people in our world that threatens to expose the true face of the world and thus the true face of ourselves.

So if we were to look at this judgment from a different perspective, where it is seen and experienced as a personal offense that people are somehow ‘abnormally’ looking that deserves for them to be ostracized and hidden away, we actually face our own ugliness.

Because, as we have discussed – being born ‘ugly’ or otherwise experiencing a form of disfigurement later in life isn’t something that the person themselves are directly to blame for. So what is it that we’re blaming? Or rather: who is it really that we’re blaming?

Surprisingly enough, it is ourselves. We’re the cancer cells attacking our own bodies. We’ve created this delusion of ‘beauty’ and ‘perfection’ in this world that we’re desperately trying to make real through all kinds of schemes and ‘nip-tuck’ procedures. And no matter how hard we try or how many times we paint over the veneers of the world, we simply cannot hide the ugliness that exists in the world. Why?

Because our beauty isn’t real. The most beautiful and colorful food often contains the most toxins. The best looking fruits have been genetically modified or sprayed with pesticides and covered in wax to make them shine. The most beautiful women are either photoshopped to oblivion or anorexics living off of diet coke and cigarettes. The ‘bounty beaches’ we see on advertisements for the perfect holidays feature children working as sex slaves. The animals we see on TV as wild are threatened to the brink of extinction. The world is not beautiful and neither are our lives or we.

So next time we come across a so-called ‘ugly’ person we cannot deny the fact that it is our own collective ugliness we’re judging and resisting. It is our own ugliness that we’re blaming that the world isn’t pretty, perfect or beautiful.

There are so many people who live horrible lives, wonderful and expressive people with lots to offer in this world, unique people with unique expressions that never get a chance because they fall under the category of things we would rather deny exists. But the fact is, there is nothing wrong with them. There is something wrong with us as a whole and that is not going to change until each of us to come face to face with this fact and admit that the world is not beautiful and that we cannot simply keep plastering paint over what is already here and pretend all is well in the world when it isn’t.

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