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Re: Cathy's Journey to Life

Posted: 24 Apr 2012, 06:41
by christine
Hi Cathy - your day 1 was great - very supportive! Thanks!

Re: Cathy's Journey to Life

Posted: 24 Apr 2012, 18:49
by Cathy
Day 10: Ways and Means of Money

Everyone has a story. When you hear or read someone’s story, it’s usually very easy to see yourself within it. The most common point within everyone’s story is each one’s ‘ways and means’ of making money in order to survive. My story and your story are individually different, yet, they’re the same. We’re both trying to survive and in order to survive, we have to do what? Have a way and the means to earn Money.

It’s the very core and nature of who and what we’ve become. Everyone’s doing it – trying to survive. You have your way and I have mine, but at the end of the day, we’re all the same. Existing in and as a never ending rat race toward an invisible finish line ending only in death. The odd thing is, we more often will blame anything and everything for the ways and means we go about trying to survive – except for the Inequality within and as our Current Capitalistic Money System.

Consider we don’t have to exist this Way – Commit yourself to investigating an actual Solution: Equal Money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly think about how I gotta change my way of living cause the blues is all I see as I struggle to give meaning to how and why I’m here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t change the ways and means in how I exist day in and day out searching/seeking to find a piece of myself in all that I have to finish before I can punch the time clock and go home.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become possessed and obsessed with myself for the things I’ve not done today and for the ways I behave just to make it through the day to earn the means to survive the ways of barely surviving.

I forgive myself for the things I’ve done as a means of supporting myself within a system that weighs one against the other in comparing who has what, who’s done the most and who is winning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always search for the way and meaning of myself through my God as Money.

I forgive myself for seeing the struggle of my neighbor and instead of assisting and supporting them I judged and gossiped about the fact that they didn’t have enough money to feed their children and I ridiculed them for not having a better paying job – instead of realizing that the pain and suffering of another reflects us Every-Body as who we are through and as the very blood/life running through our veins in all that we’ve denied and abdicated ourselves from as life as the means and the way to bring an end to pain and suffering and to act accordingly in producing the results for and as a life where all living being exist in dignity in respect to/as and of life itself of which we are all equally responsible for.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become so caught up in the illusion of life and of living through money that I didn’t see the how human beings are suffering and starving even if they’re right in front of me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become so accustomed to working and paying bills that I didn’t stop to consider that life is Not supposed to be this way.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ‘not have the time’ as I passed by another instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that in my ‘lack of time state of mind’ as I passed another by, I am actually passing by the reflections/parts of me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within a parasitic nature where I’ve become dependent upon relationships according to how the relationship assists me in surviving within this GODFORSAKEN world.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see/realize and understand that in allowing Money to Manipulate me, I will manipulate myself and others within my world.

I forgive myself for existing every day in the hopes of finding a better job instead of realizing that life is an expression – Not a JOB.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see/realize and understand that in being a slave to money, then money will become the slavery of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am and how others will act toward me according to the amount of money I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be trapped and enslaved and controlled in an abusive relationship with Money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see the world and not see me, therefore I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be directed as consciousness – instead of me directing me within and as self-honesty in seeing/realizing and understanding that there is No other choice but to Stand In The Way of consciousness and Stopping the Means through which consciousness moves as the mind and manipulates through and as our Current Money System as the Deadliest Act Allowed and Followed of All Time as the Ways and Means of Ego, Corruption and Greed.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to in my fight for survival constantly compete in conflict with others and in doing so only considering what’s best for me instead of considering What’s Best for All. I Stop. I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand the extent of which competition and conflict exist within our world in and as our current money system wherein the distribution of inequality is based upon profit and gain in the Ways we are stripping our Earth of it’s Life Giving Means.

I commit myself to stop worrying about what I’ve perceived as my problems, my money, my life, and my relationships and instead I commit myself to directing myself to considering and educating myself to see/realize and understand what is really going on within this entire world and humanity as a whole.

I commit myself to daily writing, self-forgiveness, walking and accumulating myself in an effective manner, supporting others as a living example in and as creating a world that’s best for all.

I commit myself to walking solutions that consider everyone and everything and to focus on that which will make a difference to the Life of Humanity.

I commit myself to stopping fear and standing in support of nature, earth, water and plants through and as gratefulness.
I commit myself to earth myself that I may be rebirthed to life and live my life as the extension of the earth as the hand of my maker that see that all life is given equally from the storehouse of life which is the earth. – Bernard Poolman
I commit myself to standing one and equal as these words.

Re: Cathy's Journey to Life

Posted: 25 Apr 2012, 17:52
by Cathy
Day 11: Blood Money or Equal Money

I’ve been educating myself with reading books on Government and Politics and as I was researching a topic on the internet I stumbled upon the following chart below. Have a look at the breakdown of what the average American household buys with their monthly income, based on government data from December 2011.

The average household spends about 14% total for both gas and food and 32% for housing. Already that’s 46% of one’s monthly income which doesn’t include utilities and dining out expenses totaling 11%, which means we’ve just spent almost 60% of our monthly income. Factor in Doctors, hospitals and prescriptions, as well as car payments, car repairs, public transportation and furniture and other household items and/or maintenance, (there is actually plenty more spent on household appliances due to poor quality products with a built in expiration date) and also add in the price for caring for our pets.

Now we’ve spent a little over 80% of our monthly income. You can see by the chart where the rest of the money is going, and honestly, most are paying more on housing and much less on food than is suggested in the chart. There is barely, if any left over for proper child care – while both parents are working themselves to death, (if they’re lucky to have a job) and, there is absolutely no money left for tuition to educate our future generations.

These are the facts of life we’re existing as. Yet, some have the greedy idea that an Equal Money System isn’t the Solution. Of course, the one’s who don’t agree with Equal Money, already have to much money and/or have an agenda that is self-interest motivated.
“One out of two Americans … are living either in or near poverty. That means 150 million Americans, half of us.” — Tavis Smiley
We’re not even talking about the serious level of atrocity existing in third world countries that have been stripped of everything through the governments, banks and the elite who we’ve accepted and allowed to rule our lives.

The majority of us are not rich, are struggling and have far less than what an Equal Money System will provide for each one of us.

In other words – we can no longer deny it – it’s time to stand up as One Man, One Vote in support of an Equal Money System.

With Equal Money, one will only work a 4 year conscription, will have a home, food, clothes, clean water, utilities, the ability to properly care for your animals, the internet, a car, healthcare and, will receive an education.

The Goal of Equal Money is to bring forth for everyone a quality of life worthy of living, giving and expressing. No more stress. No more struggle. No more hating on your neighbor for having more than yourself, because everything will be distributed according to what’s best for all which includes the utmost care and respect for our planet Earth.

I forgive myself for taking for granted the things that money buys like clean water and a warm bed while many have never had either.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that the whole reason for being here is to work to make money to pay bills to survive and then to die.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accept life any way it comes as long as I can find someone to take care of me with a roof over my head and food to eat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a dreamer of the mind as money in accepting the direction of ego, self-interest and greed.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become irritated for other peoples lack of common sense and lack of support in that they don’t/won’t see/realize and understand that our earth requires us to pay attention in gentleness to how we’re abusing it – instead I see/realize and understand that what I perceive in another exists within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself onto others wherein I have held onto a point of victimization as how I existed and in doing so I have victimized all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think there’s something wrong with me because I feel fed up with what’s accepted and allowed here to the point that I want to tell others to stop it, forgive it, or fuck off. I stop. I breathe.

I forgive myself for the times when I doubt humanities ability to change as I see/realize and understand that within that I’m accepting a point of doubt to/towards myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a point of disEase to exist within me as the mind as consciousness, a machine that I accepted as me and allowed infused within and as my physical body.

I forgive myself for the laws of the land that I’ve accepted and allowed which are abusing and raping our earth because I didn’t see and understand that through relationships and actions governed by those whom I’ve given power and therefore I abdicated myself from life as I looked past the abuse that I’ve seen but denied. I stop. I breath. I stand in support of and as all life in full commitment to assisting life as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take things personally as a way of justifying and manipulating myself through distraction techniques as a way of avoiding facing myself and taking self-responsibility for how our world currently exists.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to support a system that thrives upon the blood lost at the hands of those possessed in believing they must fight to have it all no matter the cost all in the name of money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to love the smell and rewards of money never considering whose died torturous deaths just so I can have fuel for my car.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go uneducated about the history of our world in how we’ve reached the point wherein we don’t/won’t question the blood baths and loss of lives we’re all responsible for in our search for resources wherein we kill so that we may live to have more than another.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame and point fingers at others for how and why suffering exists instead of realizing that that’s how my mind has used me against myself to keep me complacent further avoiding actual action of stopping myself from self-honest change from the inside out.

I forgive myself for not realizing how my relationship with money is defining my reality and how the word real is actually the word relationship yet instead of me being a place safe for life, I’ve become a parasite in the name of money and I forgive myself that I’ve not had the courage and.or inner strength and steadfastness to bring sanity to the relationships on earth through which I have defined life. This I commit myself to so that life may be birthed from and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create from a starting point of fear of loss instead of realizing that my creation is equal to and one as me and thus I cannot lose my creation because my creation is me. I accept and support myself to stand in support of a quality of life befitting of and as all life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into the money pit wherein I existed in and as self-interest and greed as I chased after desires of the ego where the more money I made the more money I wanted and the more I feared losing it the more obsessed I became, thus remained trapped in cycles of energy illusions of up and down and up and down – instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that the mind will take me on as many rides as I accept and allow. I stop. I breathe. I No longer accept money as the God of me.

I forgive myself for waiting on my mind to decide for me to make a real change because that’s not going to happen. I see/realize and understand that equality is not part of my/our pre-programming and the decision to be self-responsible for/to myself as well as the world/earth/all so as to actually walk myself as the change that is required is going to require that I forgive, direct and move myself in and as self-honesty and self-corrective application according to what’s best for all. I commit myself to and as this – til it is done.

I commit myself to stopping and breathing and forgiving me, breathing and forgiving me when and as I sense doubt as me.

I commit myself to bringing everything back to self in seeing/realizing and understanding that in order to assist our earth/world effectively, I must first assist myself through consistent self-honest directive application and self-corrective actions as self so as to be able to assist others for us all to stand together equal and one to create heaven on earth through an Equal Money System.

I commit myself to honoring earth by facing me in self-honesty and forgiving myself till I see/realize and understand that all and everything here is a reflection of me showing me that we will not stop til all living beings are equally supported in dignity.

I commit myself to step out of ego into and as self-honesty and stand up for that which has always been here as life as all living organisms and cells until all living beings are supported as equals in living expression.

I commit myself to earth as life as the only relationship possible as it is the only relationship that is real.

I commit myself in agreement with life in supporting earth for a future for and as our children.
“I commit myself to restore common sense to earth that the relationship with food can become one of life where the human can understand that food is in fact also an expression of a life form on earth that reach its happiness through its giving of itself that we may live.” – Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to blow the minds of those who have engraved death into them as ego and self interest and individuality so that they may yet wake up to what is really here as life as the physical.” - Bernard Poolman
I commit myself to standing one and equal as these words.

Join Us - Investigate Equal Money

Re: Cathy's Journey to Life

Posted: 26 Apr 2012, 19:51
by Cathy
Day 12: Woman on Top

Guarding:

I forgive myself that throughout my life I’ve often defined myself as a ‘woman on top’, wherein I took pride in displaying lack of emotions and feelings and/or giving the impression within my relationships that I could live with or without them, when if fact what I’d become was suppressed within myself, scared of being emotionally hurt, so to protect myself, I built a wall and guarded myself within an idea that ‘I’ was the one ‘in control’ of my relationships, and haha, no one could hurt me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be a loner who didn’t need and/or want for anyone, because that way no one could break the shell on the outside of me which I used to protect what I was existing as within myself which was sadness, loneliness and a suppressed expression of self.

I forgive myself for always being the first to walk away from a relationship in an attempt to ease the pain of a breakup which I feared was bound to happen so I prepared myself constantly from the possibility of emotional pain.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a ‘woman on top’, meaning how my life was moving in how I was directing my world, which actually meant existing in control/ego and fear.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to derive a sense of strength and power within the starting point/view of being one of opinion which charged my ego.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to always want, desire and need to be right with regards to insight, knowledge and/or information that I obtained through life experiences and, the women within my family that has gone before me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the mind’s ego will always look for validation, conformation, respect and agreement from others because the mind’s ego cannot exist without others agreeing with it’s existence – that being of my opinion and my point of view.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to find insult with people/my partner/relationships who tell me to ‘calm down’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was mentally stable and strong, when in fact, all I’ve accomplished within that belief is to separate myself from my physical body and thus avoiding real intimacy within and as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money as a point of ‘relieving’ myself from the guilt in how I see myself as not providing enough to/for my relationships financially, so I sought ways to make earn/money to compensate myself to feel emotionally better.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to cause financial hardships through the pattern of gambling as a way to win money to pay for unexpected expensives and to make myself feel better for my lack of contributing money to the relationships – unless and/or when I didn’t win – which then compounded the already suppressed point further wherein I became distant and withdrawn from my partner within guilt of having spent money we didn’t really have to spend.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ‘guard’ my relationship with money as a motive for manifesting a time loop for myself which was triggered by jealousy in an illusion of control in which I reacted to in belief that I was able to ‘control’ and direct myself through the point.

Jealousy and the Illusion of Control

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be on guard and manipulated within points of jealousy and the illusion of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a self defined category of the mind as polarity friction in and as conflict between what is right and what is wrong.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become an emotional feeling demonic entity that I for a moment allowed to completely take over the experience of myself within a point of jealousy and the illusion and control.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see/realize and understand that when jealousy exist the illusion of control exist.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become grouchy and irritable to/towards my relationship due to my dishonesty in not sharing the truth of what was going on within me because I feared they will walk away from me in their life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try and manifest and create into reality my wants, needs and desires which was the starting point behind the illusion of control.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed jealousy to drive me – instead of me seeing/realizing and understanding the core point being that of inferiority and superiority manifested within my relationship with myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to control my mind, my body, my world, my money, and relationships by using wants. needs and desires to obtain that which I seek control of/within and as.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the resonant nature of my most intimate relationships to influence me through my mind as jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to for a moment exist within an energetic outflow of a demonic nature as jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall and time loop a point because I believed I was able to ‘control’ myself when I saw the trigger point of jealousy and even when it ignited an energetic outflow, I was sure I would be able to ‘control’ and direct myself – instead of stopping, breathing and directing myself in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe the direction of my mind in the belief that I was trying to defend and protect my relationship when really I was trying to control my relationships within the context of how wanted them to be as well as how I wanted ‘me’ to be in relationship with that being.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within a pattern of self righteousness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within wants, needs and desires toward existence as a whole wherein I wanted to be equal and one in and with existence when in fact I was existing within inferiority/superiority.

When and as I see myself existing within the pattern of jealousy within the illusion of control – I Stop. I Breathe. I see/realize and understand the pattern of control as I’ve existed as it before – I direct me here within and as all as one as equal.

When and as I see myself existing within the pattern of self righteousness, I see/realize and understand that I’ve walked the path of self righteousness far to long and it is time to stop and forgive myself and re-design myself here breathing according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to investigating myself and my world within self-honesty and self-diligence in seeing/realizing and understanding myself within everything and as all here.

I commit myself to creating life on earth in a manner where woman and children and men and boys and animals, nature, earth, wind and water, All Living beings are of like expressions living proof that equality is the key to all cells of and as Self.

I commit myself to me in accepting and allowing the expression of me within and as self honesty to emerge as who I am as all as one as equal.
“I commit myself to recreate money as the root of all evil as the root of life that we may realize that it is not about what we create, it is about what value we give what we create and thus we can give money the value of life equally and use it as the way to bring to each other what is best for all life.” Bernard Poolman
I commit myself to Stand One and Equal as these Words.

Re: Cathy's Journey to Life

Posted: 27 Apr 2012, 19:54
by Cathy
Day 13: Oil and Water Don’t Mix

LOOMING CRISIS: OFFICIALS CLOSE GULF WATERS TO SHRIMPING AS REPORTS OF DEFORMED SEAFOOD INTENSIFY

2 Years Later after 205 million gallons of oil and 2 million gallons of toxic dispersant and now – widespread reports of visibly sick and deformed seafood. Again, reports are, there is a ‘full blown crisis’ coming out of the Gulf of Mexico.


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to agree that’s it’s ok to rape and drill in the water of our earth in search for energy/money without questioning All possible outcomes and/or results of our actions and reasoning’s for doing so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing our current world systems of greed and self-interest which thrive off the chase to have money and power no matter the cost towards that which is given to us freely from the water, nature, animals and earth.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed without question the injection of hazardous materials to be impregnated into living organisms with no common sense understanding as to what the consequences of such actions will result in to those depending on life within the abused environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see atrocities such as the gulf oil spill and then turn a blind eye toward distractions of a more entertaining nature, thus never following through with a sustainable solution and/or a correction for all living beings threatened and/or murdered due to the negligence of the human nature of man through the direction of and as the mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame the major oil companies and/or the governments for the actions that caused the spill instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that atrocities as this are symptoms of the disease of capitalism within our current money system where life is disregarded in the name of profit.

I commit myself to stand within and as a point of self-responsibility and accountability in investigating and supporting a system that will bring about a world where all life is valued and supported wherein all living beings have a say in how and what is brought into the environment of which they depend upon to survive.

I commit myself to stopping the use of all products which have a toxic affect upon our earth, water and air within our environment and to in self-honesty see/realize and understand that that which I allow to be done unto another, I am actually allowing to be done unto me, thus in self-honesty I see/realize and understand that that which is best for me is best for all and as such I support an Equal Money System which supports what’s best for All.
“I commit myself to speak out and to publish and reveal in every way possible all the ways that the brainwashing and mind-control work till all wake up to the fact that all have denied life and have fallen in the trap of the money god that use rules and forgiveness that do not support life, but only support those that love the money god.” Bernard Poolman
I commit myself to Stand One and Equal as these Words.

Re: Cathy's Journey to Life

Posted: 28 Apr 2012, 16:53
by Cathy
Day 14: Savagery “A Cutting Tradition”

22 April 2012 – 100,000 women undergo brutal genital mutilation illegally in Britain (and some of the victims are as young as TEN) UK MEDICS FILMED THE OFFERING FEMALE GENITAL MUTILATION yet, Not one person has been prosecuted for any offences.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to avoid looking at who I am and what it is that I’m accepting and allowing within how/what exists within our world.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen/realized and understood that the abuse that exists within our world is not an isolated event and/or just a news story but is an actual experience that someone is going through and could have and may easily happen to anyone, thus it is the responsibility of each one of us walking this earth to walk in the shoes of another and bring about a solution that will end All abuse once and for All.

I forgive myself for ‘acts of tradition’ which are a clear message to humanity how/what exists within the secret minds of men as consciousness.

I forgive myself for wanting to ‘turn the other cheek’ in denying the fact that I am responsible for the numerous and unspeakable acts happening daily within our world to countless numbers of living beings.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed acts of genital mutilation to be done upon the physical body within this world to those who have no voice and are helpless in stopping the savagery being done unto them.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ignore what’s really going on within this world while I sought to earn money, spend money and have the most money, thus not realizing that money has been my God and the Only God of this reality.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to avoid seeing within the pain of the female Muslims who are left scarred for life through genital mutilation with the goal being for the female to be unable to have orgasms and to be left with a diminished (or total loss of) sexual appetite, thus to further the hold of control and abuse.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to point fingers in anger and blame toward those committing acts of mutilation for the sake of making money to survive within our corrupt money system – instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that in my supporting our current money system I am thus supporting acts of mutilation as well as it is as all atrocity – the symptom of a diseased capitalistic and greedy world. I stop. I breathe.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ‘hope’ things will get better when in fact I really have no idea the magnitude of suffering occurring in the lives of women and children daily and thus I must Stop and consider that hope is an illusion within the mind that isn’t real and that what is required is an actual real practical physical solution.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to gripe and complain but then look away from our world in shame and disgust and finally retreat in distractions and fear in not knowing what I as one person can do to change what is here – instead I see/realize and understand that what I can do is to face myself in self-honesty within what is here and direct myself to stand in support of an Equal Money System which will be the key in bringing an end to acts of terror and will create heaven on earth for all living beings.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to stop acts of terror requires a fight when in fact the real solution of Equal Money requires one vote from us each one to bring about a world where all decisions are based upon what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed suffering of the young to go silenced within my own fear of standing up and saying STOP – No More.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself as the mind of consciousness to betray and abuse children in the name of religion and culture and self-interest and greed for the love of money and in fear of survival – Instead of asking questions and never stopping until a solution of equality brings an end to all abuse, slavery, corruption and control – because None are Free until All Are Free.

I commit myself to Never stopping until a system of equality exists wherein all life will exist in dignity.

I commit myself to assisting in bringing forth a world where No child suffers.

I commit myself to walking the process of self as the Journey to Life til all are walking the path of equality.

I commit myself to standing up for and as all life in stopping the nature of man as consciousness and allowing mankind to birth itself from the physical in and as an expression of life as all as one as equal.
“I commit myself to speak out and to publish and reveal in every way possible all the ways that the brainwashing and mind-control work till all wake up to the fact that all have denied life and have fallen in the trap of the money god that use rules and forgiveness that do not support life, but only support those that love the money god.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to stop the money god through knowing myself as life and knowing what I have allowed as the personality so that I may correct and restore this world to its former glory before I as man arrived here.” – Bernard Poolman
I commit myself to Stand One and Equal as these Words.

Re: Cathy's Journey to Life

Posted: 29 Apr 2012, 20:03
by Cathy
Day 15: Relationship Failure: She’s Come Undone
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel as if a part of me is coming undone within at least two personalities of me as my mind within my relationship in that I feel as if I’ve become the lie in liability, where when I’m around my friends, I have confidence and a sense of assurance with/as myself however limited it may be, but then the moment my partner walks into the picture, it’s as if my mind goes into freeze mode as I attempt to teeter back and forth for pretend sake when really what’s happening within me is I hear my backchat saying, ‘she’s come undone’, which is me as the picture personality that I’ve accepted myself to be.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as two personality designs, both of which exist within my relationship as one being when I’m alone with my partner as the ‘love personality’ and the other one as who I am when I’m alone with friends as the ‘enjoying friends personality’, and when the two intermingle, it’s as if two worlds are colliding and I don’t know which one to hold onto or even if really want either one.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny the existence of myself as a personality to my partner and my friends when secretly I realize that I’m not really fooling anyone except myself within a point of self-dishonesty and self-denial.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed and possessed in living the demons as me as the pictures in my mind of how I always believed and desired life and relationships to be even if it meant dishonesty towards another – instead of realizing that the picture in my mind as the demon/personality was put there by me as a way of avoiding me as who I really am beneath all the pain I’ve absorbed into and as me through fear and denial of myself as who I am in seeing that I am responsible for/ how here exists within this world of pain, suffering and hate and downright disregard to/towards life. I stop. I breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the sexual energy in the beginning of a relationship and/or encounter was anything other than the want/desire to have sexual intercourse as a way of maintaining me as a mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to presume the energy friction related to having sex with someone as being something that is worthy of building my whole life around as well as the future lives of children.

I forgive myself that I did not see and realize that the initial ‘feeling of love’ was and is Not practical nor sustaining. as I’ve seen and walked the energy of ‘love’ before and thus I realize that ‘love’ as it exists within this world cannot and will not last as an effective platform to begin a relationship into an agreement that will ultimately provide self-honest support between two human beings, nor does it offer any measure of sustainability of 2getherness as one within and/as a union to be one of intimacy, tenderness and communication.

I forgive myself for wanting to create myself into a love story that I heard stories about and/or saw in pictures, which I then added emotions and feelings to and created my own mind illusion surrounding the idea of a Love Story, thus only creating illusions as mind masturbation which can never be real within what is actually real within our physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create life as a reaLIEty of lies – instead of life walked in honesty to self as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for the moments of resisting physical touch because I felt threatened by inadequacies that I had accepted as real according to an idea of myself within my mind based upon pictures that I gave myself based upon a principle born in self-dishonesty, self-loathing and self-hate.

I forgive myself for blaming others for how I perceive myself to be experiencing myself through the direction as the mind as consciousness as judgments, justifications, victimization and according to events/scenario’s within my life in which I’ve reacted to/towards.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to forget about the most important part of any relationship/agreement, that being first and foremost to breathe and direct myself in and as self-honesty and always according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become angry and resentful towards my partner when I’d get a sick feeling within my solar plexus and blame him for how I was experiencing myself in regret and embarrassment for denying and suppressing any point of self expression to emerge in an attempt to get my own attention so to stop what I was putting myself as my physical body as me through in self-abusive behavior in and as mind participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty and shameful in believing that I let my partner down when in fact it is Not possible to let one single individual ‘down’, it is only possible to let myself down by abdicating myself from life itself by Not standing up and facing me in self-honesty and calling out my own bullshit – and to STOP – Breathe and align myself through Self-Corrective Application Walking – because life is not about what’s best for one, Life is about what’s best for All.


I commit to stopping myself from excusing/validating and/or justifying internal reactions towards another and to always bring it back to self in taking self-responsibility in the moment.

I commit myself to making peace within myself through self-forgiveness and within self-honesty wherein I may direct myself in assisting all living beings in ways that are practical and best for all life and thus the foundation of all relationships in all ways.

I commit myself to getting self-honest with my mind as me to create and establish a relationship with myself wherein I remain an aware occupant of myself and to move myself as a point of change within and as my physical reality in a way that will result in what is best for all relationships as that which is best for and as all life.
“I commit myself to put all trust in right relationships where I will play the part of one pole to make sure that no uneven polarity is created through which life will be imprisoned to the illusions of energetic consciousness to make sure that life as the physical is respected and supported as it was intended as the dominion that was given.” Bernard Poolman

Visit the followoing Blog for Support with Relationships and Self Forgiveness:
Day 13: Failed Relationships
By Creation’s Journey to Life

Re: Cathy's Journey to Life

Posted: 01 May 2012, 03:34
by Cathy
Day 16: At the End of the Day it’s Always about Money Part 1

Rarely will my relatives and I agree on anything, but on this day we did. One relative shared how her and her brother are barely speaking to their mother, who’s 98, because of the decision she made in signing the rights of her land over to the son who neither get along with. And, how he has now made a lot of money off the land because he agreed to fracking on the land, and because of the amount of money he’s made, there is much anger and resentment. No one seems to notice or care what is happening to the earth and water in the areas where the fracking is being done. Another relative spoke how she had to let go and forgive herself for the anger she had been carrying towards her brother who refuses to pay back the money he owes her which has resulted in her having much added debt she really can’t afford.

Then there’s an acquaintance of mine who today became angry at her dead husbands sister who had just bought 2 burial plots next to where her dead brother is buried – forgetting that her sister-in-law intended to buy the plots for her two children so they can be buried next to their father and next to the plot where she plans on being buried. She lost out though, as now there are no remaining plots to be bought. Can we please see the insanity in how our mind directs us, and stop?

The common ground so to speak, within each conversation was the same. It was Money, and the same sentence was spoken to me by each one of them before the conversation ended when they all said, “At the End of the Day it’s Always about Money.” Wow – I was just glad to finally hear them admit it, that every single emotion, feeling and/or reaction and anger can be traced back to money in one way or another. Imagine a world where we Stop Blaming and allow Equal Money for everyone and how the simple act of giving to another that which we would like to receive – will change everything.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe the life I’ve lived as money never for a moment considering what it’s really like to be completely without.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take for granted the role that money has played in my decisions and in who I’ve been and become within this world because I didn’t realize the influence that money had on me in stripping me of any sense of who I really am because I had propped myself up in and as an identity of myself according to how much money I had and/or didn’t have.

I forgive myself for the anger I engulfed myself in and as as I spited those who I believed done me wrong in the name of money when in fact the illusion I had of myself according to how much money I had was crumbling and I required someone to blame for what I saw as a failure within myself which I denied and instead focused my hate and rage outside myself onto others so I could avoid facing myself within the value I’d given and placed myself in and as according to money.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take the suffering of others who have nothing for granted while I existed in and as the illusion of my mind that I somehow deserved more than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my secret mind keep secrets about how I spent money from my parents and/or partner where in my dependency upon their financial support I didn’t allow myself to see myself as worthy of being self-responsible and capable of earning money to support myself, thus I constantly gave away my power and limited myself from being who I was in self-honesty capable of living and being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out certain patterns throughout my life where I compromised my experiences of me within my relationship to/towards others because of my love for money.

I forgive myself for the anger I accepted as the burden of proof for what I seen as the picture of me as a failure within a world where I felt compromised on behalf of my own self imposed limitations.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny and suppress what I would have preferred to do and become in this world but didn’t because of a lack of education and a lack of understanding which I had to and towards money.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to alter and mold myself into and as ideas within a mindset in accordance to fears of failing to survive within our current money/world system and accordingly sought relationships in which provided me with ways to exist where I didn’t have to fear for my survival within the current money/world system.
I commit myself to stand as Life – which is me standing as equality and oneness with/as all as me, proving this equality and oneness in/as my actual physical living in this physical existence, and to through my physical living as equality and oneness as Life, create a physical existence equal-to and one-with me as Life, where Life as equality and oneness is honoured, respected and regarded by each and all as all stand as Life. And so we birth life as ourselves from within/as this physical existence through walking our processes of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, transforming the relationships of separation/energy, to living agreements of equality and oneness. As we walk our physical processes within, we walk our physical process without as we all have to come together and stand together and take responsibility for our creation as this physical existence, to transform it into a reality where all together in fact live in/as equality oneness. Therefore, the commitment to stand as Life, and walk the process to becoming Life – has to be walked by each individually, and as more come together and stand together as walking the process to stopping the I of Energy and becoming the living of Life, we step-into our creation as this physical existence and create/manifest it to be/become equal-to and one with who we are as Life. Sunette Spies
Read: Heaven’s Journey to Life For Further perspectives and self-forgiveness

Continued in part 2

Re: Cathy's Journey to Life

Posted: 01 May 2012, 18:39
by Cathy
Day 17: At the End of the Day it’s Always about Money Part 2

Forgiving me possessed in/as Money

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed within me a point of mind possession in and as a point of polarity with regards to having/saving/losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not know who/what I am without money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not remember a time in my life when money wasn’t important and where/when I began to accept/allow and define/value parts of myself throughout my whole life into and as money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry to/towards myself when I spend to much money on things that I realize later are unnecessary and thus in my anger lash out to/towards my partner in spite and blame as if my experience of myself is my partners fault.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become an automated system through which I create and manifest friction to generate an energetic experience in and as myself within my relationship wherein my starting point within the energetic experience/relationship is self-interest motivated.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed my relationship to manifest within a dependency of/as my own fear of survival in/as an energetic outflow of wants/needs/desires wherein I through friction would be able to get from the relationship what I required in order to continue to fuel an already accepted entity/possession of myself through utilizing positive/negative and neutral points as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see how money has controlled every decision I make within this world where fear of survival controls our every move without our even realizing it because we’ve locked ourselves so deep into and as the very core of inequality.


I forgive myself for the anger and blame I’ve held against myself for how I’ve accepted and allowed greed to manifest a world full of crime and atrocity.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that to walk away from the facts of what’s really going on here will make me feel better when in fact I become more suppressed in and as guilt and denial of who I am within all that is here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m not able to make a difference in this world so why not just give up when I know for sure that I’m not able to turn myself back into what I was before I began to see the truth of me in all that is here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for those who are struggling and suffering and/or starving when I see and realize that feeling sorry for them will assist no one in stopping what is here and that in order to stop how this world exists – I must first stop and direct myself in self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop the personalities and fears within my mind so that I may correct and restore myself and this world to how it is suppose to be before we as the human arrived and screwed up everything.

I commit myself to stop manipulating myself within my worshipping of the money God and to assist myself in realizing that life here in Equality can and will come to be through self-corrective application of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-honesty.

I commit myself to standing up for a world that I don’t yet know of which is one where all living beings will no longer suffer and one where food is in abundance for everyone and earth’s resources are for the benefit of All.

I commit myself to realizing that the memory of where I’ve been and who I’ve been will play no part in who and how I am in standing up for and as all life here equal and one.
I commit myself to recreate money as the root of all evil as the root of life that we may realize that it is not about what we create, it is about what value we give what we create and thus we can give money the value of life equally and use it as the way to bring to each other what is best for all life. Bernard Poolman

I commit myself to the establishment of love on earth in the only form that it is in fact love, the form that is best for all life in every way. Bernard Poolman
For further perspectives with regards to relationships and/or money visit: Creation’s Journey to Life

Re: Cathy's Journey to Life

Posted: 02 May 2012, 20:46
by Cathy
Day 18: Relationship Reaction to Voice Tonality

My partner said something to me today, and I reacted. Looking at the point now, it’s interesting because I see how I didn’t react so much to the words he said as much as the tone in which he spoke them. Obviously, I heard his words, but it was in his voice tonality in how it resonated within me – in how I connected with his meaning through his tone and then reacted. My reaction was just there suddenly and I allowed myself to be swept into an emotional storm even within an understanding within myself that my reaction was coming forth even in my awareness of how I was in fact existing as the very point I was reacting to, and, I didn’t stop. I didn’t stop and breathe and direct myself as I’ve learned and applied before – actually as we’ve both learned and applied before through our course in Desteni I Process.

So what happened was, I began to speak within an unconscious reaction, and then because of my voice tonality, my partner then reacted towards me, and so the complete moment turned into outbursts at each other until we both finally recognized ourself as breath, and stopped. This is the point that I’m applying self-forgiveness for.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react to my partners voice tonality - instead of stopping and moving myself to breathe and communicate to my partner that I’ve gone into an immediate reaction so as to allow myself a moment to breathe and remain here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to Not assist and support myself and my partner in being aware of my/our breathing to become aware of our voice tonality that it remain constant, clear, here, without reaction.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to when talking about a specific point with my partner I unconsciously reacted to his voice tonality which he then upon hearing a rise within my voice tonality, then reacted causing us both to set off a series of CHAIN REACTIONS, literally, existing as nothing more than two minds as consciousness colliding and arguing at each other – which is of no use to us, or anyone or anything within this world, and certainly is in no way self-honest communication.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fall within the point wherein there was a moment within myself when I had the opportunity to stop, to shut the fuck up and breathe, to recognize the part of me that was equal to the tonality within his voice that I reacted to, that I felt disappointment to/towards and thus, instead of forgiving myself, I demanded a form of restitution by attacking.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be directed as a reactive energy of and as my mind as consciousness instead of breathing and directing myself here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to during a disagreement with my partner – want to throw my hands up and say fuck it – when in fact when I stop and breathe, and direct myself in self-honesty, I realize that that is Not what I really want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become irritated and impatient towards my partner, instead of stopping and breathing in what I’ve realized in that that which I judge and/or bitch about another is in fact what I’m existing as within myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to pull away in further separation from my partner during moments of disagreement – instead of stopping immediately and moving myself to breathe wherein I am able to see myself clearly in how and what I’m existing as and accepting myself to be in the moment and correct myself through self-corrective application.

I commit myself to when I see a reaction coming up within me to/towards my partner- I commit myself to stop and breathe and move myself to communicate in self-honesty in sharing what is going on within me so that my partner and I may assist and support each other with effective communication and through self-forgiveness assist each other walking together our individual Journey to Life to assist and support in bringing about a world that’s best for all.

I commit myself to slowing down and remaining aware of myself as breath so as to assist and support myself and my partner in assisting others in stopping the suffering and abuse and standing up in support for and as all Life.

I commit myself to never giving up on myself as I walk this process of self-forgiveness, along this Journey to Life, as I see and realize that this world is not as it can and must be in order that suffering and abuse may someday end, and in seeing the suffering of the animals and in realizing how the children of this world suffer in silence til they become living examples of us and so the cycles of suffering, abuse and death continue, and I see, realize and understand that I am equally responsible to assist life as it currently exists so that Life in it’s truest form may emerge here within and as our physical reality as all as one as Equal.

I commit myself to becoming life as speaking and living words as me in self-honesty wherein my words as me in written and spoken form may emerge into and as a way that is supportive to/for and as all living beings and thus I commit myself to first breathing before I accept myself as inserting words unto this reality so that I may be assured that I am stopping myself from contributing any further suffering and/or abuse upon another and that I am in fact standing up for what’s Best for All.
“I commit myself to create love as the living result of communication, past life clearing, vocabulary alignment, psychological patterning clearing, self honesty, intimacy, goal alignment, investigation of and release of irrational fears and the training of myself in the skills of effective agreement design that all my relationships maybe always be best on what is best for life because of the relationship that was agreed to be formed.” Bernard Poolman
For further assistance with relationships visit: Creation’s Journey to Life - Day 14: Do you Love Breakups?

And Desteni I Process New Relationships Course